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http://bofh.ntk.net/Star-Trek-Lost.html

This provides a detailed answer to your question.

Not quite as embarrassing as the Windows 98 BSOD, but more entertaining than the Ballmer developer's video.

http://www.ntk.net/media/developers.mpg

Also: Dance, monkey-boy, dance!

The world would be a lesser place without such comedy in power at Microsoft...

Normally it's at http://bofh.ntk.net/Bastard.html, but that page is currently a homage to Simon Travaglia's recently-departed father. But you can see the more recent manuals at http://www.theregister.co.uk/odds/bofh/

Obviously you can't remove it by throwing Micorsoft's top engineers at it either...

They should have tried developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers. Developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers.. Yes!

Obviously you can't remove it by throwing Micorsoft's top engineers at it either...

They should have tried developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers. Developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers.. Yes!

More generally, how would a technical person relate to a non-technical person?

The 3 major risk factors for a DVT are:

1) Venous Stasis. (Usually caused by not moving your legs/walking for hours at a time, such as in a long car/plane ride, or I guess 8hr. coding sessions)
2) Hypercoaguable state (Usually a predisposition to increased likelihood of clood clotting, such as being pregnant, having cancer, being on estrogen, smoking, certain genetic defects, etc.)
3) Injury to the leg.

So #1 was in play, but if he had risk factors such as #2 or #3, that would have makedly increased his risk for a DVT.

Ironically, he could have prevented venous stasis by a simple method such as this every 1-2 hours...
http://www.ntk.net/media/developers.mpg

lots of good advice here. (I just discovered the BOFH and can't quite seem to quit spending company time on the, er, bastard.

Just do like the BOFH, and all will be well.

The Mighty BOFH! All the advice you need (and plenty you don't) is contained therein.

The only thing I wish is that they'd outsource rather than pulling in all those developers, Developers, DEVELOPERS since once Microsoft implodes under their weight they'll still run around doing to other companies what they've done to HP, Sun and now MS.

In any case McNealy's comedic impact is nothing compared to Balmer's schtick. There should be a late night TV PSA: This is your CEO on H-1b visas.

The only thing I wish is that they'd outsource rather than pulling in all those developers, Developers, DEVELOPERS since once Microsoft implodes under their weight they'll still run around doing to other companies what they've done to HP, Sun and now MS.

In any case McNealy's comedic impact is nothing compared to Balmer's schtick. There should be a late night TV PSA: This is your CEO on H-1b visas.

I could think of a few other ways to cause an overheat which aren't necessarily physical console access. They're not really remote exploits either, but let's say the target was in a datacenter. Even if you couldn't get into the datacenter, maybe you could interfere with the air conditioning equipment. (Which is usually outside / on the roof and less secure than the data equipment itself.) Or more simply perhaps, bribe/convince a janitor or someone in physical plant operations to divert or shut down cooling to a particular area after hours. Not to mention (against a desktop PC) the BOFH-style "air filter" attack. The point is, there are ways to make a system overheat that are potentially easier than compromising it in some other way might be, or less obvious than them. Having a system overheat, shut down, and then return to normal operation might not raise too many red flags, compared to discovering a keylogger or tap; it might get treated as an infrastructure problem rather than a possible break-in, delaying discovery.

It's probably not something that some guy in his basement in Russia is going to do to you, but if you have valuable information on a computer, it's another avenue of attack that you have to defend against, or at least be aware of.

source

Mr Smiles likes the words "Fast", "Top of the Line" and "Expandable". He runs over to a machine surrounded in glitter and advertising and gestures at it. "This is probably what you want then. The latest thing. There's only two in the country and luckily we have one here today"

"Yes yes, but will it talk to my laptop?"

"THIS baby will talk to ANYTHING. What's the interface, ethernet?"

"No, a SCSI-1 Interface. My machine pretends to be a disk, ID 3. But lots of machines kill my machine's powersupply with inductive transience backflow due to a non-standard SCSI interface...

*DUMMY MODE ONE*

He practically BEGS me to try the new machine out. Which I've been waiting for. I drag out my luggable, which is, admittedly, a bit of a beast.

"Wow! That IS old!! And *ungh!*.. quite heavy too. I guess you're quite attached to it?"

I mumble about legacy data, only use it at home, sentimental value and irreplaceable software while he plugs it in and starts the host machine.

"Okay, let's see what we can see" he says, and presses the power-on switch on my "portable" The 31 hefty nicad batteries that make up almost the entire inside of my "laptop" pour grunt into a tripling inverter which in turn supplies RICH, CHUNKY VOLTS to alternate pins on the "SCSI" bus, whilst emitting a dull "uuurk" sound.

"My Laptop!" I cry, reaching for it, just as smoke starts pouring out the back of the display machine. Mr Smiles dives for the demo machine weeping, while I exit, in "anguish".... ...resetting the circuit breaker in my machine as I go... ..to the next stall...

Well, we've moved very far from the topic of people with social liabilities to the full-on playa's guide to bangin' chicks and getting laid. It's a whole different sphere of things.

Not completely a different sphere, just different ends of the same spectrum.

I do understand what you mean, and my point wasn't intended to be as patronizing as it came out.

The way I see it, people with Autism/Aspergers/Slashdot-fever who have problems in social situations have them because of their inability to relate. I'm assuming someone, who is otherwise very intelligent, is unable to pick up on people's facial expressions because they themselves don't associate their own facial expressions with the reactions that normally cause them.

To add to that, I think they are very painfully aware of this and are afraid of social interactions because of this. Each bit of interaction, especially with someone they've never met before, is a potential cause of failure.

This is what needs to be overcome and I'm saying fearlessness is the answer. There is absolutely nothing to be lost in any social situation, regardless of how it goes! Worst case scenario, the other people walk away thinking you're a fucking nerd with no life. They thought that before you opened your mouth anyway, it's no big deal.

I think over time you'll find other peoples opinions really don't matter. So why talk to them in the first place, right? Humans are social creatures, we all need other people for something or other. It'd be a shame to not take advantage of other people's help just because you didn't know how to approach them and ask.

I wish a playa's guide to bangin' chicks and getting laid existed, but like you said, not all strategies work for everyone, nor should they be tried by everyone. That doesn't mean a good strategy wont work for most people, and shouldn't be tried by people who have no reason not to try it.

Here's mine:

If you want to increase your social aptitude, regardless of whether it's to weild power and authority or just to bang hot bitches (not necessarily in the back of a bus) you must concentrate on one thing: dominance. You're the manliest of men, all the men want to be you, all the women want to do you.

Understandably, it may require a drastic shift in mentality. A good start would be some stuff written by some manly men:

Real Programmers Don't Use Pascal

Bastard Operator From Hell

Move on to less nerdier fare once you grow some balls, such as:

The Best Page In The Universe

After that you'll have already come to the conclusion that only fags need to learn how to be cool, and this shit was all a waste of time because you were the baddest motherfucker in the world from day one.

So this missing link links Steve Ballmer with modern man...?

(http://www.ntk.net/ballmer/mirrors.html : lest we forget...)

• Air Travel should be banned until we win the War on Terror
• Hospitals should be closed until antibiotic-resistent diseases are cured
• Credit cards should be blocked until fraud is prevented

From TFA (1) audio, video and data technology requires a new type of wiring called "category 5," which has five strands within one sheath. Wrong....

I'd suggest asking somebody who knows all about using CCTV in the workplace.

There are ways of dealing with this sort of things.

Might I suggest the BOFH?

(This starts about 7 parents up)

Waif69: when windows 3.1 was new, there was a saying that was going around. What sells windows? Three things; applications, applications, applications.
This point was basically saying that Linux on the desktop needed applications in order for it to do well.

Zarxarx: Don't you mean, "developers, developers, developers..."?
This was intended to be a pun on the famous speeches of Steve Ballmer

Khallow: I'm pretty sure he meant "applications, applications, applications" and I agree. Having a lot of developers generally means you'll have a lot of useful (and usable) applications, but they aren't equivalent.
It seems you missed the reference.

Note the first result in a google search for "developers developers developers".

This event is quite a well known event in the slashdot circles. You really ought to know it. You really ought not to need someone else to do a simple search for you. You seem to think that Raymond's well-known piece on asking the right questions is "interesting" (i take from this that you haven't seen it before). Your lack of knowledge of customs in this community is your fault; we don't have many, compared to other communities; but not asking stupid fucking questions is one of them. I can only assume in the most slashdot sense that you must be new here.

My advice: read the rest of the Eric Raymond texts directed at newcomers, in particular the non-dictionary sections of the Jargon File, How to Ask Smart Questions and the "Hacker Attitude" section of How to become a hacker (and the rest if you are interested beyond interaction).

Steve is trying to show you just how much sweat he put into creating Vista! By the looks of those armpit stains I'd say it was at least a couple gallons worth.... http://www.ntk.net/media/dancemonkeyboy.mpg

In a galaxy not so far away,

the Old Software was crumbling away, rotting from the corruption and treachery within. Power-hungry technocrats and wealthy bureaucrats maneuvered and bribed their way into office, while one ambitious ex-Hobbyist plotted to destroy the Hobbyists and rule the galaxy. Hoping to restore virtue and the remembered glory of the Software, the High Council of Free Software dispatched the Geeks - protectorate of justice in the galaxy - on a quest to retrieve the lost Source Code. They believed that the small incomprehensible object (which intensified the power of the Code) would unite the disaffected among the people and would destroy the corruption around them. However, within their Free Software, the evil ex-Hobbyist had other traitorous designs. Foreseeing that the Code would secure his position as The Hacker, he deceived one of the...uhh Wookies! and sent him to acquire the Code. . .

OS9 causes my stress. The Accounting Dept. says I can't change it either.

Perhaps you need a few ... accidents. May I recommend this tutorial for starters? The next time they piss you off, bring the server and the CEOs desktop down. Then spend the next couple of days restoring the desktop. Remember, things dont work because the CEO is having problems otherwise.

Here's hoping that they have a consultant on the show to make it technically accurate.

I suggest you start reading BOFH and get prepared to have your attitude adjusted someday.

They suggest developers, security experts and project managers are in demand.

http://www.ntk.net/media/developers.mpg

Looks like Ballmer had it right all along...

Is there any grant money available, I have an proposal for a study. It will take a few years, require international travel to get a good subject sample. It'll have to be repeated before publication of course.

Are there any volunteers out there who'd like to be subjected to fun?

...someone could decode Bill Gates' DNA and see if he is decended from weasels. Better yet, we need to confirm once and for all if Ballmer is really a "monkey-boy."

http://www.ntk.net/ballmer/mirrors.html

Ok...I'm whoring to the anti-microsoft crowd with this one. At least I'm posting as an AC. :)

Step 1: Study these pages.

http://bofh.ntk.net/Bastard.html
http://www.theregister.co.uk/odds/bofh/
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=bofh

Good luck!

LOL!! Sounds like a PFY that hasn't been BOFH'd yet. BOFH

And you said you were qualified to operate a computer! You'd better have mine." I pass my computer card calendar over, flipping it to page one - "ENTROPY"....... ...I like it. "Now, you give the cretin an excuse then what do you do?"

"Kill them off?"

"YES!" (He certainly has a fixation) "Then what?"

"Hang up?"

"NO! Then they'll call you back when the problem recurs. Your job is to make them FEAR calling you. How can you work when people are calling? So, you make them pay for calling in the first place. What would you do?"

"Delete their files?"

"Yeah, it's a start, but then they may call back when they get new files. You want them NEVER to call back. What could you do?"

"Swear at them?"

"No. I can see we'll have to demonstrate. Have you got a metal ballpoint?"

"Yes"

"See that wallsocket over there. Take the refill out of the pen and poke in into the wallsocket."

"But it's live!"

"Would I really make you do it if it were live?"

"Oh" >fiddle< >fiddle< >BZZZZZZZEEEEERT!< >THUD!<

The Bastard System Manager from Hell #1 http://bofh.ntk.net/Bastard4.html

At last, a camera so easy, even a monkey boy could operate it!

We will see version 2 of Steve's monkeydance soon?

Whoops, I meant:

A descendant of this great ape has been recently taped amidst his mating rituals.

Not just their customers, but one of their Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers!

(breath) Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers!

That clip of Balmer was widely shown, but I think they sneakily cut off the beginning that gives it context, where he said: "If we want anything of theirs, we'll happily massacre our own... Developers! Developers! Developers!..." etc., etc.

I've thrown a monitor, a laser printer, keyboards, books, CDs, drives, kicked a few chairs, etc.

Ballmer? Is that you?

Uh, no. You are incorrect, sir. I can only infer from your comment above that you are not in the applications development industry (or have extremely limited experience with it...Perhaps you are a "Gates fanboy").

You, and Mr. Gates (if this is what he professes to believe), are also mistaken that a rising number of students in these programs will correlate to a rising amount of top-notch talent. There's no correlative or causative relationship there, as the last tech boom (in the late nineties) proved. (How many of those graduates were considered "top-notch"?) There is a finite number of people who will be interested in this sort of work and an even smaller number of those who will be "good" and an even smaller number who will be "great". Those people know who they are and will frequently self-select into the field. Even fewer of those will be willing to work in the high pressure, "always on," "Ballermized" culture of Microsoft. (Think of the famous Windows 1.0 sales pitch or the "I love this company" speech or the "Developers" chant. As you watch the segements, ask yourself, "Would I want to work for this man?"). More likely, they will go work for Google.

Basically, you either have the "skillz" or you don't. No amount of training will take you to that level if you don't have the ability to intuitively grasp the underpinnings of the field. You could still be a programmer, but it would be unlikely that Microsoft would consider you to be a "good enough" programmer.

While this may do some good, really (in terms of inspiring people who might not have had a clue what they would want to do for a living) it strikes me as a strategic play to keep the cost of good developers low and to placate those who are politically opposed to raising the quota for H1-B visas in the US.

Of course, all of this is irrelevant, as the undergraduates (as another poster already mentioned) are smarter than they look and have finally figured out that law and finance are the two industries in this country in which demand will never decrease. And it is, definately, the smart play.

If this isn't making use of a monopoly position I don't know what is. Isn't thet what MS was 'punished' for a few years ago?

They were all generated by baldy as he bounced around the giant touch pad.

Are we any closer to explaining this:
http://www.ntk.net/media/dancemonkeyboy.mpg.

And yet they say "Intelligent Design" isn't a falsifiable theory...

Microsoft: Who do you want us to copy today?
Microsoft: Innovation Through Imitation.
Microsoft: Developers. Developers. Developers. We are happy with our halfassed developers.
Microsoft: Screw new ideas, we have a monkey boy.

I guess if you work for Microsoft your employer can be pretty noisy.

http://www.ntk.net/media/dancemonkeyboy.mpg

My favorite part has always been when he actually hurts himself in the middle of it.

The brain may still be evolving, but the direction it's evolving in depends not on available mutations, but on selection.

Welcome to the future of the human race.

Take some hints of this guy. He seems to have it all worked out :)

Justices Justices Justices Justices.
JUSTICES JUSTICES JUSTICES JUSITICES (voice cracks). JUSTICES JUSITICES! Yeah!

http://www.ntk.net/media/developers.mpg

Still more articulate than Bush, though.

I shouldn't be surprised any more at trash talking after the CEO of the Dance and "Developers, Developers, Developers", but that's all it is: another boorish remark.

Ballmer seems to be one of those CEOs who equates being overwrought with being enthusiastic.