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He knows what's important for the future of a console system.

Developers, developers, developers, developers.

Oh, in case you're one of the young ones and don't understand that last one, click here for the version that panders to your generation.

Suuuure Stevie! That Ballmer, he cracks me up.

In much the same way the majority of sysadmins/etc make their money, surprisingly enough. Ever hear of the ? You think we should be more benevolent, check out those archives. I feel bad replying to a troll, but you can take your moral high ground elsewhere; we got paid $7/hr, half of your typical tech phone monkey, so we had to get our jollies somehow.

Nah, no one can beat The Man .

i think steve ballmer reached his mid-life crisis long ago.

i think steve ballmer reached his mid-life crisis long ago.

Then there was that Munich thing.

What's left on that head is grey, for sure.

Zinc whiskers?...sounds like an excuse from the BOFH.

I cannot believe you left off Steve "Monkey Boy" Ballmer!

for those who are unaware, the reference is to this.

and here is the monster-remix of the same tape !!
ballmer-remix

A sweat soaked Steve Ballmer announced that many stores that sell Windows will also be opening car washes to compete with this most recent threat from Linux.

Are you sure it was car washes and not photohuts?

A sweat soaked Steve Ballmer announced that many stores that sell Windows will also be opening car washes to compete with this most recent threat from Linux.

--

Was it the sheep climbing onto the altar, or the cattle lowing to be slain,
or the Son of God hanging dead and bloodied on a cross that told me this was a world condemned, but loved and bought with blood.

Definitely worth checking out Danny O'Brien's (NTK) "Life Hacks: Tech Secrets of Overprolific Alpha Geeks" speech (given for O'Reilly and at NOTCON '04), in which he argues on the basis of research that the most prolific programmers/hackers/geeks organise themselves via... text-based todo lists!

Check out
A summary or shorter summary

Yep, Howard Dean & Steve Ballmer must be brothers. Go monkeyboy, go!

I have been wondering what the Bastard Operator from Hell has been up to lately...

Why do I avoid MS?

Because I never had to submit to the Borg in the first place. My background is in graphic design and type design, and all the cool stuff in that little world was on the Mac OS, so I never had to get a Windows Machine. I *did* have to aquaint myself to the Borg Mind that is Windows, and when I was doing technical support in the late 1990s, I had to get *really* good at it (win3.1, 95, 98, NT). Everytime I found myself in the depths of the living pit of despair and mediocrity that is Windows, my love for that which is not MS only grew.

I still think the MacOS, specifically OSX, is superior to Linux, but I am also fairly well convinced that Linux OSs will be of comparable quality and ease of use in less than 5 years. Once the apps on Linux get GUIs worth using and looking at (which I also believe will be in the next 5 years), then Apple will have an interesting dilemma, but not half as interesting as what MS will face in the next few years in trying to get the travesty that is Longhorn out the door.

At first, I detested Windows because of its instability. Look at it sideways and the BSOD would come visit. Woof. MacOS v7 - 9 wasn't any prize for stability, but it did improve over time, and would often fail in a less spectacular way. Linux has always (to me) been more stable than either, except for OSX.

Another thing I dislike about Windows is its gamma. Looking into a windows machine is a dim and dingy thing compared to Apple. (I wish Linux were brighter as well...) And the OS has always been cumbersome, ugly and just plain nasty. Remember IRQs? What a load that was - just to hook up a freaking scanner or install a CD drive was often a nightmare in Windows.

So, let's see- it was ugly (still is, IMHO), unstable, unfriendly, and owned by a rapacious monopolistic enterprise run by an autistic geek and Monkey Boy. It's an insecure system in continuous need of updating, it's the source of continuous viruses and worms because of the Swiss Cheese nature of the OS and VB.

What exactly is there to BRING me to Windows? So I can trade .doc files with every other office drone?

So: that's why I don't use Windows. It's Just Not Worth The Hassle.

HW

Why, are you a lousy professor?

As to the first 'W'...What OS? As to the second 'w' WHO???? Since it's likely you won't know who the hell your renting to, security of the type you seek is nearly impossible to determine. If the name on the rental agreement. is "Bea, Aunt", you might be a-okay. If the name is "Kevin, Mitnick", you might some larger issues. Also, you don't mention what, if any screening process you may want to enact. Even there, screening might not be enough. If it's the name on the renter's agreement is "Average, Joe", but joe doesn't list that he was the BOFH of a large University you are hosed. NT or Linux. If it's NOT some BOFH, but just some dude who knows how to download ebcd froma .ru site or how to throw vmlinuz onto a floppy...hosed again.

Sorry, but you simply don't list enough specifics for any of us to help you with 'w' #1 and 'w' #2. 'w' # 3 matters not in any case. How the heck did this one get by the editors???

If it took you that long, you obviously need to watch the video again.
Click here to visit your nearest indoctri^H^H^H^H^H^H^Htraining center.

The Ogg Vorbis trials continued for several months before being halted. Something to do with merging Kingswood Warren with their new Streaming Media Services center. See here for details ntk.net

All you need is BOFH
Read up on the true professionals

Conspiracy Theory: Microsoft is behind this! They're funding some venture capitalist firm that is in turn funding the Evil Niece that's suing Google. That Evil Niece also happens to be the Love Slave of Steve Ballmer -- or is that the other way around? ;-)

/old timer

http://bofh.ntk.net/Bastard.html

You mean....being an asshole doesn't help convert MS users?

I don't know... seems to work for Ballmer with the "developers -- developers -- developers"...

It's rumoured that, in addition to FAT, Microsoft will also be patenting BALD and SWEATY

HH
--

It's rumoured that, in addition to FAT, Microsoft will also be patenting BALD and SWEATY

HH
--

"Hi. I'm having trouble accessing my files today."

"Your username?"

"SF3092."

[clickety-click] "Sharon Fox, is it?"

"That's right."

[clickety-click rm -rf, you know the drill] "But you don't have any files!"

"What? OMIGOD, my LAN tax proposal was in there!"

"As if I didn't know."

"Excuse me?"

"I said 'I can't imagine where it could go.' Don't worry, we have it on backup."

"Thank goodness."

"It's engraved on a grain of rice. Bwah hahahaha!"

"AAIIIIIIGGGGHHHHH!"

(with apologies to Simon)

I thought we told you not to come back here after that Monkey Boy Dance incident, Steve.

For anyone not knowing it...be ashamed...and look here ;-)

This is already being done in the marketplace today, even at the highest levels

The author of the Techworld article, Maxwell Cooter, is a friend of Simon Travaglia -- see the BOFH FAQ.

Hope this puts it in perspective for the easily fooled...

The author of the Techworld article, Maxwell Cooter, is a friend of Simon Travaglia -- see the BOFH FAQ.

Hope this puts it in perspective for the easily fooled...

from ballmer on microsoft's goofs, to balmer acting like a goof

I was a sysop for a BBS back in the dark ages before Internet, and one of users once asked me if it was possible to overclock a modem to get higher speeds. I promptly answered: "Do you have an external modem? Good, just replace your current transformer with something that gives you more volts for your modem." He thanked for advice and logged off.

He never called back.

Why yes, I do like reading BOFH stories, why do you ask?

Why don't you just get rid of the customers/users if they are causing you an inconvenience? And I thought the Bastard Operator from Hell was fiction.

Get a clue. No doubt your comments had a facetious aspect to them, but if that's your attitude, your customers must be getting a raw deal. You're getting paid to serve old ladies with ADSL connections so do it.

Apologies for the harshness of my comments. I seem to be in a pissed off mood today.

" I doubt Ballmer knows what's going on anywhere except the canteen."

And on the dance floor.

ESR - Is that you?

from http://slashdot.org/articles/03/06/08/1534249.shtm l?tid=99

don.g writes "As reported by NTK, ESR appears to have embarked apon the process of recasting the Jargon File in his own image, adding terms like "Aunt Tillie" and "GhandiCon" that he dreamt up and seemingly no-one else uses, and various terms from (of all places) the warblogging community, where he is active. He's also updated the "Hacker Politics" page to be more closely aligned with his own views."

That guy's my personal hero (kept me sane during those long 3 hour blocks of no tech support calls).

I went to the sys-admin's office and told him that my files were gone. He disappeared into his office for a few minutes, and came back out and said "yup, they're gone." I'm like "do you do backups?" and he's like "backups?"

Yes, it may help relations somewhat, but acting like the BOFH will often cure the problem of ignorance quickly and posthumously.

Has anyone else noticed the alternate spellings Microsoft uses on their site for their name? So many ways to spell Mircosoft to choose from...

(yes sorry, slightly off topic, but I just noted this after NTK gave a similar link about the Guardian)

Here's a tool from Microsoft.

And here's another tool from Microsoft.

=tkk

Heh... note the email address Annalee Newitz is using here... she evidentally creates a new mail alias for every column: sugarpill@techsploitation.com

Ah, slash ids pushing a billion and whining about what a sewer it's become...

For these kind of changes to be made, it obviously has to be legislated, I take it that's what you're arguing, yes?

It already is.

Okay I think I see what you're getting at, but I don't see why the free market can't decide this themselves.

Because occasionally the system breaks. Some entity finds itself in a position of leadership and uses anti-competitive behavior to guarantee future success. The whole point of a free market is competition. If that competition is being eliminated by the actions of one or more individuals, then it is no longer a truely free market. And that's why there are anti-trust laws. Think of it as an occasional tweak or reset to an otherwise smoothly running system.

In the current system, if Dell just wants to have Linux boxes, they can, and they will be able to undercut their competetitors by at least $100 since licensing fees no long exist. Would this cause a massive sales shortfall? That really depends on how happy consumers are with their systems. It'd be interesting to talk to some of the people at Dell why they stick with MS stuff. Obviously they must know something about Linux, and they must have some enlightened theory why consumers would hate it.

That's easy. Software. Windows is supported by the majority of desktop software producers - in many cases, exclusively. If Joe User is comfortable with Quicken, he's not going to want anything that doesn't enable him to keep running Quicken. There is no Quicken for Linux.

Forget the user-friendly issue. I agree that it is a very valid point (and something Linux needs continued work on). However, for the most part, it is a red herring. After all, if user-friendliness was the issue, Apple would dominate. I'm not an Apple fan - haven't ever owned a single piece of Apple hardware. But they have always had the easier, "Just Works" interface. Yet they're a niche player bouncing back from the edge of oblivion.

Steve Ballmer provided endless amusement with his "monkey dance". But antics aside, he was right. It's about developers. Not for geek factor. But to produce a 3rd party product line that re-enforces Microsoft's dominance.

Could there be a Quicken for Linux? Sure. But first there has to be a suitably large enough market for it. And thus we're back to the previously mentioned catch-22.

But as an obvious proponent of the free market I think the onos should be on the competetitors to find other ways of reaching their consumers by other means, rather than vendor agreements.
Adobe, ICQ/AIM/Trillian, ZoneAlarm, Winamp, WinRAR, and CDex are all monumental examples of unbundled software (well maybe not AIM) that have succeeded under these pressures.

Yes. I agree. Assuming the market is healthy enough to allow competition.

Having said that... let's look at your examples...

Adobe - by this I assume you're talking about Adobe's PDF document format and Acrobat? PDF is an interesting case. Originally, Acrobat cost. The format didn't catch on. Then Adobe gave away their reader and PDF started catching on. Furthermore, Adobe licenses the PDF specification on a royalty-free, non-exclusive basis. Now one can find a rather large collection of PDF related software for a fee or free (and Apple's OSX uses PDF extensively). Surely a success story. But does Microsoft have a competing format?

ICQ/AIM/Trillian - ICQ and AIM are both AOL with slightly different markets... both heading towards increased integration. It could be argued that these services are a loss leader for AOL. Trillian is a nice little app - but they're based off of reverse-engineering the existing chat architectures. Microsoft competes with their own MSN messenger (which

..or should I call you monkey boy?

Seriously, what is with Microsoft's obsession with The Matrix as of late? Did anybody else vomit when you saw their little Matrix spoof at (I think it was) Comdex? Way to ruin a classic! Now whenever I watch that show, I can't help but see Bill in the place of Laurence Fishburne. And Keanu Reeves keeps getting replaced by horrible images of Steve sweating and screaming "Developers, developers, developers..."