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This one. (You have to wait through a commercial, apologies.)

JJ Abrams is a Star.. TRAITOR.

He's not even a fan of star trek! And now he's doing the star wars movies!

http://www.theonion.com/articles/hes-dead-to-us-jim,32408/

Yes I totally agree. See my original comment.

JJ Abrams is a Star.. TRAITOR.

He's not even a fan of star trek! And now he's doing the star wars movies!

http://www.theonion.com/articles/hes-dead-to-us-jim,32408/

I predict flying slaves! http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-thought-wed-have-flying-slaves-by-now,27000/

We don't pretend, it is just our paid for media that does. To wit: We joke about how pathetically outmatched we are against bribery/lobbying.

Wow! Congrats!

[Shrug] I thought The Onion article about GW Bush's newly-inaugurated presidency was disturbingly vindictive and twisted too. It turned out not to be funny at all.

My favorite response was Onion Twitter Password Changed To OnionMan77 ('That Ought To Do It,' Company Sources Confirm). Your link wasn't bad either, though. I love The Onion.

In related Onion news: We Were Going To Take Over The ‘Onion’ Website, But It’s A Real Mess With All Those Ads

I'm not sure what the SEA really expected to accomplish here.

The funny part is that if the Onion had just remained silent on this subject people would still be wondering whether they had actually been hacked or whether this is simply gigantic practical joke.

In related Onion news: We Were Going To Take Over The ‘Onion’ Website, But It’s A Real Mess With All Those Ads I'm not sure what the SEA really expected to accomplish here.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/july-21-1969,10515/

And yet you felt compelled to post. What's that about?

Stuff that doesn't interest me happens all the time. If I had the same compunction to comment on all of them I'd never get anything done.

Or is this another case of Area Man Constantly Mentioning He Doesn't Own a Television?

The Onion is going out of business because their wacky stories keep coming true:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/evangelical-scientists-refute-gravity-with-new-int,1778/

Until AIs get the right to enter into contracts and own property, there will always be a role for a small number of humans to own all the stuff. They will of course be first to get access to anti-aging and life extension technologies, and Andrew Carnegie's idea that "the man who dies rich dies disgraced" will be less of an incentive to philanthropy once that moment of disgrace is pushed back into the indefinite future.

Just as computers do most repetitive, regular information work now, robots are going to do more and more manual work which can easily be systematized. What will be left will be ad hoc, messy, fiddly stuff, or face-to-face contact. In other words, there will always be plenty of crappy jobs in the service industries.

The problem is that a vocal minority of atheists are like people without televisions.

See Metric System Thriving In Nation's Inner Cities for a full report.

cue the Onion:
http://www.theonion.com/video/more-american-workers-outsourcing-own-jobs-oversea,14329/

The single best way to make changes is to get people in your community organized in a way that can productively send a clear and constructive message to our leaders.

You mean like a citizen's lobby?

That would be great for playing World of World of Warcraft

Disney has an official Crap Sequels Division - Disneytoons. "DisneyToon Studios is a vibrant group of filmmakers, artists, and production teams focused on creating timeless stories with Disney's most beloved characters." They are responsible for Pocahontas II, The Lion King II (and 1 1/2), The Little Mermaid II, Lady and the Tramp II, Cinderella II and III, The Hunchback of Notre Dame II, 101 Dalmatians II, Mulan II, Tarzan II, The Jungle Book 2, Bambi II, Lilo and Stitch 2, and a number of titles with "Return" in them. Many of these can be found in the bargain bin at your local DVD retailer.

They shouldn't have any problem grinding out similar crap for another franchise. Since John Lasseter of Pixar took over DisneyToons, all films must be connected to a Disney Consumer Products franchise. So we can expect a large supply of injection-molded plastic to come with the movies.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/boss-has-deft-touch-for-making-employees-feel-like,32084/

Do you also not own a TV?

because of one *incredibly* stupid kid everybody doesn't get some awesome toys

Never has been more relevant

And if any of your acquaintances didn't have a TV, you'd know about it.

From America's finest news source;
http://www.theonion.com/video/experts-agree-giant-razorclawed-bioengineered-crab,14318/

CIA's 'Facebook' Program Dramatically Cut Agency's Costs

Conservative Teens

Recent surveys show that today's teens are more conservative than the previous generation on issues like abortion and drug use. What do you think?

“Who can blame them, what with all the conservative video games they're playing?” -- Fannie Whitton, Tailor

Find The Thing You're Most Passionate About, Then Do It On Nights And Weekends For The Rest Of Your Life

Creating military formations that put soldiers with boots in front

Shutting off nation’s 14 lights at night so country is much more difficult to see

North Korean malls playing instrumental version of “(I’ve Had) The Time Of My Life” overdubbed with anti-U.S. lyrics

Strapping landmines to every North Korean citizen

Propaganda team Photoshopping an image of a muscular, shirtless Kim Jong-un putting the Statue of Liberty in a headlock

Mandating all citizens maintain a “victory dirt patch”

Reprinting every obituary published in American newspapers and adding at the end of each one, “We did this!”

Releasing several reports by the state news agency about how uneventful a day April 8 is going to be

http://www.theonion.com/articles/north-koreas-war-preparations,31794/

If you can't patent floating point math, I'm pretty sure you can't patent binary constants either. Haven't heard about this case in a while, but I'm sure it's been working its way through the system.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/kim-jongun-privately-doubting-hes-crazy-enough-to,18374/

And then this one on gay marriage...

http://www.theonion.com/articles/kim-jongun-comes-out-in-support-of-gay-marriage-im,31821/

This was news to me...

http://www.theonion.com/articles/world-surrenders-to-north-korea,31265/

I am so grateful that I wasn't born there.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/kim-jongun-privately-doubting-hes-crazy-enough-to,18374/

And then this one on gay marriage...

http://www.theonion.com/articles/kim-jongun-comes-out-in-support-of-gay-marriage-im,31821/

This was news to me...

http://www.theonion.com/articles/world-surrenders-to-north-korea,31265/

I am so grateful that I wasn't born there.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/kim-jongun-privately-doubting-hes-crazy-enough-to,18374/

And then this one on gay marriage...

http://www.theonion.com/articles/kim-jongun-comes-out-in-support-of-gay-marriage-im,31821/

This was news to me...

http://www.theonion.com/articles/world-surrenders-to-north-korea,31265/

I am so grateful that I wasn't born there.

Area Man Constantly Mentioning He Doesn't Own A Television

http://www.theonion.com/articles/kim-jongun-privately-doubting-hes-crazy-enough-to,18374/

It was more like a KAPOOYA.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/youtube-reaches-1-trillion-racist-comments,31766/

Serious question – what would you have done in you were in Bush’s shoes?

U.S. Commemorates 9/11 By Toasting Stable Afghan Government From Top Of Freedom Tower:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/us-commemorates-911-by-toasting-stable-afghan-gove,21332/

(from Area Man Constantly Mentioning He Doesn't Own A Television, linked to in an earlier comment)

Thanks for that post. What would we do without you?

I think the onion summed it up well:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/obama-takes-out-romney-with-middebate-drone-attack,30055/

Fuck everything. We're going with five dimensions.

Area Man Constantly Mentioning He Doesn't Own a Television

Do you live in North Carolina by any chance?

It's not down.

It is like those holding the reins want to create terrorists

I know it is The Onion, but it is rather insightful.
http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-bomb-capable-of-creating-1500-new-terrorists-i,8778/

To any Americans out there. Most of the the "terrorists" hate you for VERY good reasons. Mostly things your government have done in or too their countries.

It's you, isn't it! Do you have a soul patch?

This is how fucking retarded you look whenever you post about not using a wildly popular service: http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-man-constantly-mentioning-he-doesnt-own-a-tel,429/

Oblig. Onion link: "Clinton deploys very special forces to Iraq"

Yes. He is this guy.

Plus let's not forget this: World's Scientists Admit They Just Don't Like Mice.

"As a man of science, I deal with facts, and the fact is that mice are gross," said Dr. Douglas White, chair of the Oxford biogenetics department and lifelong mouse-hater. "They're squirmy, scurrying little vermin, and they make my skin crawl. I speak for all of my assembled colleagues when I say that the horrible little things deserve the worst we can dish out."