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Bastardized version of an Onion article about razor blades, still including some of the references to razors.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33930

No when you add another dimension you raise the power so its Quadruple D

Fuck everything, we're doing five boobs!

The Onion... five blades... that came true, too...

The Onion, Business section, February 18, 2004
Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades

An Internet classic.

Bastardized from The Onion: http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33930

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33930

The shame is it wasn't completely redone (there's still Norelco/Bic stuff in there), but I can't imagine scouring through all that and remaining sane so props regardless.

It put the fear of God into the Pakistanis.

That hat's great, but it really needs a Visorganizer stuck on it.

Anybody posted the http://www.theonion.com/content/news/more_u_s_children_being_diagnosed - youthful tendency disorder link yet ?

Depends whether you have a thing for middle aged men.

Gravity was refuted years ago by evangelical scientists.

(I'm surprised that I seem to be the first to link to this Onion gem...)

ob. The Onion: We Need a Fourth Law of Robotics: Stop Fingering My Wife

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/with_all_due_respect_i_choose

Fuck everything, we're doing 5D

>Apple enters the market with their own device, which has a bunch of features that may or may not have been seen in other devices, but on the whole is a very well integrated package. Somehow, they saw a way to make the product work.

This really shows a lack of knowledge of Apple's history.

1. The Newton. Palm made this work. Not Apple. Later on Apple copied the Treo format (phone + PDA) Palm made popular and merged it with a virtual keyboard.

2. Apple Pippin. Failed game/multimedia console. Nintendo64 and PS2 got it right.

3. Power Mac G4 Cube. Failed on the market. Infamous for cracking case. Now, there's no shortage of small cube PCs. The PC world got this right.

4. Apple QuickTake. Failed digital camera. Everyone gets this right.

5. Macintosh TV. Failed TV/PC combo. Now TV is just a PCI card away or done with steaming/downloading.

6. Apple's "Hockey Puck" USB Mouse. No one gets this right because its such a bad idea.

7. eMate. Low cost Newton based PC. OLPC and others get this right.

Apple tries a lot of things and they fail more often than they succeed. The idea that theyre the ones who can fix the tablet market is a bit of stretch. Heck, I like tablets, but I understand their limitations, especially in regards to keyboards/inputs. Perhaps it will have something like the iwheel.

Also relevant:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39105

I also ran across this:

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/underfunded_scientists_force

And this hilariously ironic blog post about it, from a vegan who doesn't realize that The Onion makes far more fun of his ilk than of animal testing:

http://www.happyvegetable.com/blog/the-onion-and-animal-testing/

LOL VEGAN XD

Also relevant:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39105

I also ran across this:

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/underfunded_scientists_force

And this hilariously ironic blog post about it, from a vegan who doesn't realize that The Onion makes far more fun of his ilk than of animal testing:

http://www.happyvegetable.com/blog/the-onion-and-animal-testing/

LOL VEGAN XD

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28049

I wouldn't. It's not even full size. It's way too short, making it look like it's a shuttle for Very Special missions.

Enterprise on the other hand made actual test flights (landing), and was originally intended to be retrofitted for launch. Pathfinder, well... let's just say that it's lucky that it found its way to Huntsville.

Thank you for sharing that information about not having TV. Perhaps you could meet up with this guy and do productive things together. http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28694

Oh, the Onion... FAA Considering Passenger Ban

Ok, a bit of karma whoring, but couldn't keep from telling that someone has already tested the fails in airport security:Reporters Expose Airport Security Lapses By Blowing Up Plane

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/new_study_reveals_most_children

got kids?

The device will be verrry thin - think top half of a macbook air thin. I also can't imagine Apple/Jobs marketing a tablet device without ubiquitous internet access, probably provided by Verizon. Also, you will no longer desire your old device.

Wait a minute, building high-rises REDUCES the price of land? Sorry buddy, I'm not sure which alternate dimension you came from, but that doesn't happen in our shard of reality. Are you one of those "new urbanists" who think creating traffic jams is a great idea?

I'm not sure if I'm missing your point - how does that change anything?

If you've ever known anyone who claims they don't watch TV, they can be very passionate, evangelical or even religious about it. Unlike a non-stamp-collector. If you've never met such a person, here's The Onion's famous satire: Area Man Constantly Mentioning He Doesn't Own A Television.

Until someone shows me something with a keyboard, I am sticking with my BlackBerry.

The G1 was a good first attempt but everything since has been an iPhone wannabe, all shiny and pretty but missing that important item.

Exactly. The danger series had good keyboards, as did the antediluvian Motorola T-900 series. I could clock nearly 30WPM on those. And as much as I like the folks at Palm, I couldn't use their chiclets at all.

The G1 keyboard is just barely tolerable. I've noticed the amount of actual work I get done on my G1 is a tenth of what I used to do. Sure, I can see web pages more clearly and get the info I need more quickly, but as far as acting on it, without an ergonomic keyboard, I can't do much typing.

I wish Android partners would give up on being what David Pogue calls an iPhone wannabe, and focus on the real promise of small mobile devices.

Or, else, stop agreeing with as the Onion's quote attributed to Steve Jobs, "People who use keyboards are standing in the way of progress."

I always thought it's what you tugged to hear something really interesting

United Airlines is way ahead of you.

There is a video about the upcomming sequel to Modern Warfare and it claims to be ultra-realistic.

You obviously haven't heard the awesome reviews of the next game..

Also, I'm surprised that nobody else has linked that yet, considering the topic. (Note: link goes to onion video, sound required)

There already are 2 very realistic games that should have been mentioned: Close Range and Modern Warfare 3.

There already are 2 very realistic games that should have been mentioned: Close Range and Modern Warfare 3.

He's already here

(cue scary music)

Roger, cuing scary music.

I was expecting http://www.theonion.com/content/video/apple_introduces_revolutionary

Obligatory Onion article.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/apple_unveils_new_product

ObOnionArticle:

"United Airlines Exploring Viability Of Stacking Them Like Cordwood"

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/united_airlines_exploring

so they took this and made it touchscreen instead of a hard wheel?

Of course a new interface... It was leaked out months ago.

written by a professor of astrophysics who has worked on searching for planets and SETI.

Thought I recognized the name - wasn't he part of this team?

I cannot trust them because in the United States a public corporation is required by law, first and foremost, to do what is in the best interests of shareholders which generally means anything which legally maximizes profits.

So what you're saying is that you don't trust them because you have no idea what the law actually says, or how corporations actually work?

Your name wouldn't happen to be Kyle Mortensen would it?

A publicly-traded company is required to maximize shareholder value in accordance with its prospectus.

Before a company goes public, it produces a prospectus. The prospectus details the business plan of the company, as well as its philosophy and self-imposed restrictions. It is the responsibility of the investor to read and understand the prospectus before investing. If the prospectus states that the company will place customer loyalty above short-term profit, then any lawsuit based on "the company didn't maximize short-term profit because they weren't pricks to their customers" will fail.

HTH.

Exactly. It's even easy to opt-out from all of Google's things.

Dammit. I'd just hit "Submit" when I remembered this sublime article: Nation's Rappers Down to Last Two Samples.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28694

You may recall the funny little article from "The Onion" that discussed Google's new opt out feature that allowed paranoid users to remove any traces of their online presence. The three strikes law for DMCA violations would simply add you to this list without going to all the troubles of signing up.

Most children are unrepentant sociopaths.

You simply opt out

Or you can just Opt Out

Or it is kinda like this article from 1998. Sometimes life imitates art.