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Tim Burton To Remake "Planet Of The Apes"

Posted by Hemos on from the dear-lord dept.

phydeaux2 writes " Yahoo! TV Coverage reports that the project to remake Planet of the Apes has gotten the green light. " Wow. I'm stunned. Tim Burton...and Planet of the Apes.

305 comments

  1. Re:Please please please... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Jar Jar gave me a lap dance and poured hot grits down my pants!

  2. Re:"Planet of the Apes", yeah we all know that cod by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    "planet of the Honkies huh?" ...and that's not racist itself? You are just part of the problem, not better than the KKK...Monkey see monkey do huh? you'd probably have a great part in this movie...as a MONKEY!!!!!!!!
    ._-=Soilent Green is PEOPLE!!!!!=-_.

  3. Re:thought it was about evolution... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I thought the apes evolved from the apes after the humans had blasted themselves back to the stone age after a nuclear war. It was also about the suppression of information (I suppose anti-communist, given that the first film was made during the height of the cold war) to prevent the widespread knowledge that humans were there first. Much like suppressing evolution in some schools in the bible belt of America, I believe. As a postscript, I'm just halfway through Darwin's 'Origin of Species'. It's a fabulous piece of work.

  4. Wrong again.. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    He'll be screaming:

    "Holy Jesus, what are all these goddamn animals?"

    while waving a flyswatter over his head.

  5. cool! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    so which one of you filthy stinking slashdorks is gonna be cornelius?

  6. Re:Hmmm by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I have to agree. And besides, even without the ending being ruined, who the hell do you improve on the original. I can't imagine anyone other than Charleton Heston in this movie. Has Hollywood really run out of good ideas. They've already done The 10 Commandments remake, the 2 remakes of The King and I, Psycho and now this. What's next??

  7. Re:I want Troy McClure to star! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
    Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius! I love you Dr. Zaius!

    Should this be sung to the tune of Falco's "Rock me Amadeus"?

  8. Re:Planet of the Trolls? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Proves what an amateur that you are! Sticky (or stinky) macaroni is strictly for the buttocks. NEVER use noodles on the genital area, as you might lose track of your penis!

  9. Re:thought it was about evolution... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    So what about the religions with a different story about creation?

  10. Re:Where's the 'bullshit' moderation option? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
    What about the computer geeks that are black people?

    What, both of them? We all know that black people are scandalously underrepresented in the tech industries.

    They must have a hard time dealing with their ancestry versus their hatred of black people. (I'm being sarcastic)

    No, you're just being wilfully stupid, trying to pretend that a statement obviously meant as a generalisation was in fact a universal quantification

    Or are you suggesting that black people can't be computer geeks? If this is the case, I'd have to wonder just who the racist is.

    No, I'm saying that in general they don't and the racists are people like you who act so completely fscking complacent about that fact

    I happen to believe that computer geeks don't care much about race.

    What you mean is, computer geeks don't care about racism. Because it's never likely to affect them.

  11. Re:I want Troy McClure to star! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Sorry, Troy McClure is dead. Perhaps Sideshow Bob could do it? He has a nice voice.

  12. Re:I want Troy McClure to star! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    You cut his brain, you bloody baboon!

  13. Re:"Planet of the Apes", yeah we all know that cod by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
    The film was not calling black people apes, as you seem to have stated.

    The original film was produced in an era when it was still OK to call Black men monkeys. Tim Burton, given his record (the notorious "golliwog" scene in The Nightmare Before Christmas, the black villains in Batman, the cartoon darkies in Ed Wood) is likely to turn it into another piece of racist bullshit.

    People pointed out that you were missing the point by pointing to evidence that the film was calling the ruling classes apes, and not black people.

    You expect me to believe that bullshit is evidence? It's just opinion. If you're going to convince me that this whole thread isn't just an excuse for whiteboy geeks to make monkey-noises, you're going to need to point to facts.

    You claim to dislike people stereotyping according to race. You then accuse Computer geeks of being racist. Do you mean to say that race prejudice is wrong, but other forms of prejudice are okay?

    To say that computer geeks are racists is a simple statement of fact, not prejudice. Unless you care to argue different, and have facts to back it up.

  14. This isnt it by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I thought this *was* the planet of the apes

  15. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0


    Make it clear that you speak only for yourself when you "defend" "lesser breeds without the law". There is a hierarchy of worth in the badly-splintered human race, as in all things. The weaklings will be eliminated through the natural and inevitable process of culling that is evolution. To oppose this process is to advocate racial suicide, a.k.a. genetic Socialism.

    The proof of the ongoing degeneration of the human race lies in the fact that we have drifted from the simple, blunt realities and honest behavior of our most distant ancestors. When it is a "crime" to kill in defense of one's species, the future is bleak indeed.

  16. Re:What? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
    He is decent because he is taking a stand for basic civil liberties

    No, he's taking a stand because he likes guns.

    And because he played Moses, and made us believe it. FDinally, he starred in Ben Hur, one of the best movies of all time.

    Man, you really are wasted. Heston was an ACTOR. Following a SCRIPT. He was playing a CHARACTER. That's why it's called ACTING -- because it's NOT REAL.

    I'll bet you think he really is Moses. I'll bet that movie was on TV the first time yer Daddy started touching you in funny places, and you prayed to Moses Heston for help. Later, you shot yer Daddy, with a gun. And lo and behold, now Heston is the KING is weapon-crazies! It must of been HESTON that helped you shoot yer Daddy! So late at night, when you lay in your bed shivering, remembering that night so long ago when yer Daddy crawled on top of you and violated your backside, you pray to Moses Heston to give you the stregth to be a gun-totin', MachoMan.

    I'll bet you liked it. You dirty little boy. You deserved it.

  17. Re:Bad Idea by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    GET YOUR STINKING PAWS OFF OF ME YOU DAMN DIRTY APE!!

  18. He's right: Most geeks are racist by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    They are. It's the truth. The problem is, the kind of racism espoused by the geek community is quite possibly the most virulent kind possible: the racism that comes from somebody who believes that he is too smart to be a racist. We see this train of thought far too often on Slashdot. The extent to which a person is liberal is equated to that person's intelligence. The same goes for tolerance and for a stance against bigotry: these things are almost always associated with highly-evolved, intelligent individuals. But the question that we need to ask ourselves is this: How much of our tolerant, anti-bigotry stance is real and how much is perceived?

    As I said before, the worst kind of racism is that which is practiced by people who honestly believe that they are too smart to be racists. In the minds of these people, there are (often) several factors at play. In the background, you will find behavioral and/or genetic predispositions towards racism; everything from racist indoctrination from parents/grandparents/etc. to stereotypical beliefs about other races are stored here. And they are fighting a constant battle against the person's "good senses." Sure, he figures, I might despise blacks, but I am not a racist, because I am too intelligent and tolerant and liberal to be a racist.

    I have found that the dark truth of the matter is that most "geeks" are vociferously racist. Their inborn tendency to protect their own "kind" clashes with their sense of morality and their sense that they are "above" that kind of thing, and it produces a tempest of emotion and negative thought. Sometimes, this tempest manifests itself as something truly evil. At any rate, it doesn't do us as a community any good to sit back and pretend the problem doesn't exist. And we absolutely cannot continue to self-righteously believe that we are not susceptible to racist thought. Because we are, and in most cases, we are worse than some Southern good-ole-boy Baptist fundy who yowls on about "porch monkeys." We are worse because we, unlike the Baptist fundy, do not know who we are.

  19. Re:Where's the 'bullshit' moderation option? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I think thats 4 racists. You obviously forgot to include yourself since you're obviously just feeling guilt for your own racist feelings.

  20. Re:Bill, is that you? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    No, I am a firm believer in the principles of Objectivism, and as such I can admire the methods Mr. Gates has gone to to secure his prosperity and well-being. I personally only I wish I was great enough to follow in his footsteps. And I think many others secretly are jealous of his success, which is why /.ers seem to hate him so much.

  21. Get your filthy paws off of me ... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    you damn
    dirty

    APE!!!!!!!!

  22. What about them? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I mean, it's not like they're true is it? One day, they'll realise that and convert to the One True Faith, like so many others have so far.

    1. Re:What about them? by Tukla · · Score: 1
      I mean, it's not like they're true is it? One day, they'll realise that and convert to the One True Faith, like so many others have so far.

      So you're Muslim?

  23. Re:Racist geeks 2, non-racists 1 by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    You have this strange tendency to put words into peoples mouths. Racism is an opinion. Its the stupid opinion that people can be judged entirely on race. I never used the word "just". You did.

    Since you seem to believe that all statements are opinion or fact, are we to assume that you considered the comments made by the racist git were facts?

  24. Remake Buckaroo Bonzai by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    At'sa what you think, Monkey Boy.

    [This post downgraded for your protection]

  25. Nick Cage as Superman by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Have you seen Face Off?

    All those bullets and none of them killed him. He must be Superman

  26. Re:What? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    You're far more whacko and perverse than anybody I know of who belongs to the NRA. And people defend themselves from crime every day with their personal weapons. The day I let a pissant like you decide what measures I take to protect my family will never come.

  27. Re:Where's the 'bullshit' moderation option? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    No, I'm saying that in general they don't....

    Racism is all about making generalisations based on race.

    What you mean is....

    So, rather than trying to disprove the observation, you change it to mean something entirely different.

    Why am I even bothering to reply?

  28. Re:What? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    My aren't we a cruel ignorant twit.

    Did you ever stop to consider that it might be better for the animal you are hunting if you can kill them quickly and cleanly?

    Furthermore, an M-16 is not an 'automatic' weapon. If you are going rant on gun policy, the least you could do is EDUCATE yourself first. The M-16 is a semi-automatic, just like most common pistols. Furthermore, an M-16 IS infact a .22 rifle. It just happens to be a high powered .22 rifle (.223 to be exact). A weapon optimized to efficiently kill a man and be operable in adverse conditions, will likely be similarly suitable for killing a deer or a moose or a bear (all larger and/or faster then men) and operating in primitive enviroments under adverse conditions.

    You are essentially claiming that 'the peasants cant be trusted'. If you can't trust a citizen to be responsible for dangerous tools (guns, explosives, cars, powertools) you can't trust them to vote either. You're diatribe is essentially anti-democratic.

    If the citizenry can't be trusted with Tommy Guns then that 'trust problem' needs to be directed head on instead of indulging in repression.

  29. Re:Hmmm by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I can't remeber the name of the film, but it was a western, something about a snow locked little town, maybe even canadian. At the end the good guy faces the bad guys, and DIES. The bad guys win. Took me by surpise. The bad guys didnt even all get killed along with our hero, which is the usual other outcome of most films. Brad

  30. Re:Useful statistics by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    You are 100 times more likely to stab yourself with a kitchen knife than use it to repel an intruder.

    The more contact you have with a knife, the greater the chance you will cut yourself.

    You are more likely to die from a baseball bat injury if you have a baseball bat in the house.

    Well *DUH* You stupid ass!

  31. Re:What? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    He's taking his stand on the second amendment out of principle. And yes, I do believe he is Moses, you incredible dork. Where do asswipes like you come from? Where do you hide? Why don't I ever meet you so i can kick your pimply little ass?

  32. Re:Hmmm by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    It's Another Wonderful Life. Directed by John Woo. Plot : Chow Yun Fat shows his community the real meaning of christmas and two 9mm berretta's.

  33. Re:Risking OT moderation here, but...... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Well, I'll balance your plea against the facts of the matter, as outlined above.

  34. Re:Not exactly a remake... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    No way. Tom Baker was the best Doctor Who.

  35. Re:charlton heston comes full cirle by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Poor fool is probably one of the clueless that actually believes *any* of the other amendments mean jack without the 2nd.

    I happened to the Canadians, it happened to the Australians, and the Japanese. Every time a culture has banned weapons there is at first a rapid increase of violence with that weapon, and then it decreases steadily with a *rapid* climb of violence with other weapons.

    Look at Japan which one of the highest murder rates that occur with bladed weapons. Or Australia where, since the ban on most guns the rate of crime has skyrocketed.

    Serves them all right for being stupid enough to give up their guns.

  36. Useful statistics by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    You are 10 times more likely to be shot by your own gun than to use it to repel an intruder.

    A fatal shot with a semi automatic pistol is as likely to kill as a fatal shot with an automatic rifle, but will do less damage to the surrounding property.

  37. Face Off and Matrix Slow-mo by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Matrix took a leason from Face Off, in that you
    can dodge bullets if you just move in slow
    motion.

    BTW,

    Why did they slap a James Bond Boat chase on the
    end of Face off after the story had concluded?

  38. Re:Bill, is that you? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Dear Sir, FUCK OFF AND DIE. Yours sincerely Terry Fuckwit

  39. Re:Risking OT moderation here, but...... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Why, good lord! There's two people with differing opinions on the matter. And here's me thinking that all geeks have exactly the same stereotypes!

  40. Re:Planet of the Apes is liberal propaganda by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I have no idea what you're talking about,

    Run it through the PhilosophyEnglish translator on Babelfish.

  41. Re:thought it was about evolution... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Dear Sir, YOU ARE A CUNT Yours Sincerely Terry Fuckwit

  42. Re:What? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Hahaha what a moron. I'll only bother addressing one point here..

    "Automatic weapons are not needed by civilians."

    That's all fine to say, but what about law enforcement (either on town, county, state, or federal levels), they shouldn't have access to anything like tanks, bazookas, or automatic weapons either. Those types of weapons should *only* be used on enemies of the United States, non-citizens, hence.. outside of the US. Law enforcement enforces the law within the United States. Look at the massacre that occured at Waco.

    You say we don't need an AK-47 to take out a deer? Well the police don't need one to shoot down young children.

    You want to take it up one level? You say that law enforcement needs automatics to handle crazies with guns? Well we need them to protect ourselves from law enforcement gone corrupt. That doesn't sit well with you?Well you can't predict the future, and history *always* points toward government turning corrupt. If you want to argue with history, then I suggest you do the future human gene pool a favor and jump off a cliff.

  43. Why not "The Omega Man" by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Another Heston Classic that Burton could really do wonders for.

  44. Re:Confirmation, http://us.imdb.com/Title?0133152 by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    This isn't much in the way of confirmation that it will be made. Check out the note:

    Since this project is categorized as being in production, the data is subject to change or could be removed completely.

    I guess when you karma whore you have to stretch the truth a bit, huh?

  45. Re:More Information by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Funny, yes. Subtle, no.

  46. Racist geeks 2, non-racists 1 by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    And here's another geek who thinks that racism is just "another opinion" same as any other, so that's two to one in favour of my contention that geeks are racists.

  47. Re:Remake by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Ollie is listed in the credits for Conan. Now that he and the black plowman are big shots, I'd like to see a really big budget conan movie.

  48. Re:Where's the 'bullshit' moderation option? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I was trolling for the first few posts, but then got interested in the discussion. Basically, I've noticed in the past that explicitly racist comments don't get anything like the moderation and feedback given to, say, homophobic comments. From this, I deduced that the slashbot community were more or less passively racist -- in that they didn't care about black people. I put this comment up to draw some flame from the "anti-PC" crowd. But now I'm interested in the attitudes of the computer community to race. I think too many of them just don't care, and assume that racism really doesn't exist because nobody sitting near them used the word "nigger" today.

    jsm

  49. So which are you? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Are you racist or non-geek?

  50. Re:Risking OT moderation here, but...... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
    TC posting anonymously here..... check the papers, they're pulling in more people. Remember, they may not be able to be tried for that particular crime again, but the experience hasn't changed them (from what I've heard). They'll be hauled up for something. Their much-vaunted gangland 'connections' can't hide them forever.

    It's just a shame I don't believe revenge is the solution. Having said that, when they do disappear behind bars there are going to be a lot of people who do believe in revenge keeping a close eye on them, and I'll be hard pushed not to raise a slight smile when I think about that.....

  51. Willfully ignoring reality by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Tell us what the murder rate is in Russia, which has very strict gun laws.

  52. Re:Where's the 'bullshit' moderation option? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
    Racism is all about making generalisations based on race.

    No, it's about making untrue, unfair, damaging generalisations based on race. This is a common tactic among white people with an interest in denying the problem; to claim that it's racist just to note that there is a problem.

    Why am I even bothering to reply?

    Because you're a racist, and you have some dim feeling of guilt about being one.

  53. I hear that this time by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    instead of finding the statue of liberty, they find a steaming hot bowl of grits, and heston dumps it down his pants, screaming "no, no, no". thank you.

    1. Re:I hear that this time by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Or, instead of the Statue of Liberty, they find a naked petrified Natalie Portman buried in sand up to her hips.

  54. Re:Planet of the Apes is liberal propaganda by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Wow, an objectivist. Do you really believe *Everything* that Ayn Rand says?

  55. Re:Risking OT moderation here, but...... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Yeah, but let's face it, most of the people in the Eltham/Well Hall area are wankers :) I used to go down the pub there every Friday, and apart from the large group of people I knew from Crown Woods, the rest of the pub was definitely local yokels.

  56. Re:Where's the 'bullshit' moderation option? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
    Well, I'm sitting on an investment bank's trading floor, and I don't see any black faces at all (that could be because it's twenty past eight and I'm one of only two f***kers left here :-). But in general, I think that the computer community is in serious denial about the fact that it's by and large, as white as you like. The trouble is that everyone assumes that they got their job by their personal brainpower alone, and thus has no sympathy for the situation of people who are, by definition inferior, or esle why don't they have great tech jobs too?

    Anyway, see you round, I'm off to get blasted

    jsm

  57. Bad Idea by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    > I wonder if they are going to use
    > the old costumes.

    They're likely a bit stinky by now, like me

  58. Re:Planet of the Apes is liberal propaganda by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Why not? Ayn Rand was one of the most insightful philosophers of the 20th century, and her views make sense in today's world. For more information about Ayn Rand and her philosophy, see here.

  59. Re:Where's the 'bullshit' moderation option? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
    No, it's about making untrue, unfair, damaging generalisations based on race. This is a common tactic among white people with an interest in denying the problem; to claim that it's racist just to note that there is a problem.

    Notice how the "anti-racist" is guilty of making untrue, unfair, and damaging generalizations based on race, to wit, the assumption that "racism" is something specific to "white people"! What, no black racists? No Chinese racists?

    Racism as a word is a modern invention - designed and used to destroy White identity and facilitate certain power grabs within Western society by certain groups. It is now beaten like a dead horse by these same groups, who are now in power, and used by them to enforce their political and cultural agenda. But then again, these are more baseless generalizations, right?

  60. YHBT. YHL. HAND. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
    Why don't I ever meet you so i can kick your pimply little ass?

    Yeah! How dare he insinuate that you're a violent nutcase!

    Heh...

  61. Re:Humans != apes by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    and here I thought Christianity wasn't a 'religion'...

    http://www.geocities.com/steve_jacob_milton

    why don't you go there and help me out eh?

  62. Re:What about the hollywood shotout by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Remeber those bank robbers with the automatic rifles, the cop couldn't even touch them with their 9mm hand guns, they had to go to a civilian gun shop to get anything powerful enough to shoot them.

  63. Re:Useless statistics by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Considering the second comment, I don't think the origional poster meant it to be taken that seriously. You can come up with all sorts of statistics about the number of gun related crimes in places with and without gun control, but to get a sensible picture of the risks, you need to take into account all the variables, such as "Which of these crimes could have been performed with a knife?"

    On the other hand, since the origional purpose of the right to bear arms was to defend the country, and now the US has one of the largest armies in the world, it might be time to review that constitutional right.

  64. Re:Where's the 'bullshit' moderation option? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
    Racism as a word is a modern invention - designed and used to destroy White identity and facilitate certain power grabs within Western society by certain groups. It is now beaten like a dead horse by these same groups, who are now in power, and used by them to enforce their political and cultural agenda.

    Racist geeks 3, non-racist 2. Still ahead.

  65. Re:Hmmm by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
    The point is, not all movies are made because they have a suprise ending. We all know the guy usually gets the girl, and the hero never dies.

    Yea, kinda like "12 Monkeys", my personal favorite classic.

  66. Re:Hmmm by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Maybe "Mr Cabe and Mrs Miller"? With music by Leonard Cohen...

  67. Re:I want Troy McClure to star! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I hate every chimp I see From Chimpan-A to Chimpan-Z

  68. You are a stupid fucking gun-grabbing LIBERAL by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    People like you make me sick. If I ever saw you near my property rest assured I'd blow your fucking head off. Why don't you move to Europe where you're type of fascist socialism is acceptable. You don't belong in our country. If you come to my house to take my guns away you'd better expect a firefight because you're going to get one. It would please me immensely to pick off a few gun-grabbing liberals such as yourself.

  69. Re:Useful statistics--More by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    1,500 kids are wounded each year(presently) in gun accidents. Sure it's sad and preventable, but they didn't all die! No harm, no foul say I.

  70. Re:thought it was about evolution... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    This is why I love being a Christian. I used to be agnostic but I decided to become born again. Now I can simply make vacuous statements about things and not have to worry about backing them up, because by golly, it's my religion! No longer do I have to worry about things like observable facts and evidence, because I take everything on faith now. Also another good reason to become Christian is that you can beat up queers.

  71. Corrections: by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
    M is for Military, sir dumfux. M16s are fully automatic by design. AR-15s are semi-automatic civilian versions of the M16. A few parts differentiate it from the original automatic design by Colt Arms. Up til quite recently, and still today for all i know it was fairly easy to obtain the parts needed to convert an AR15 to an M16 and easy to find gunsmiths with the ability to perform the work.

    Another error you made: clip size on a weapon like a Ar15 or M16 differs from semiauto pistols roughly by a factor of 2.

    Again you mischaracterize the M16/AR15 by claiming that it fires a round optimized to kill a man. It would be more accurate to say that it's optimized to wound a man. A wounded man is more of a loss than a outright KIA, hence the choice of a smallish caliber. This also makes it inappropriate for game hunting.

    I'll leave it to others to point out your bizarre twistings of the 2nd Amendment. IMO you are right: right on the borderline of being a gun-nut who can't be rationally talked to and probably requires a prescription of some sort. It's not your penis, sir. We're not impressed by your ownership of guns and espousal of their proliferation. We certainly aren't impressed by your view that citizens like you should have all kinds of weapons to defend yourself against the evil government. Quite the reverse, everything you say makes it plainer to me that you should be kept far away from lethal firepower.

  72. Planet of the Apes is liberal propaganda by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    The original films were nothing more than liberal, animal-loving socialist propaganda about the evils of "capitalism" in our economy. They were blatent attempts to denegrate the principles of objectivism by which our society lives and prospers by in today's harsh global economy. I think it is wrong for films to include this level of social bigotry, and that if the new film is made that Tim Burton attempts to remove all such negative connotations that were present in the original films.

    1. Re:Planet of the Apes is liberal propaganda by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Yes, I see that liberals like yourself are already rushing to defend the propaganda espoused by the movies, obviously without having seen the blatent disinformation contained within them. The most obvious point is that the movies are anti-humanist, showing "intelligent" apes, as if there could be such a thing. And the whole theme of the movie is how capitalism will fail and socialism is the only alternative way of living, a fact which I'm sure appeals to all of the communist Linux zealots here on /.

    2. Re:Planet of the Apes is liberal propaganda by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Intelligent apes?? ........humans? You're right, there can't be such a thing.

    3. Re:Planet of the Apes is liberal propaganda by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      in the begining of the movie, before he goes into the sleep pod or whatever, hesten goes on and on about all the evils of society (do children still starve to death while yada yada yada). its pretty much the same with most 60's movies, they tend to be soooo preachy. it will be interesting to see what a modern take on the story/characters will be like.

    4. Re:Planet of the Apes is liberal propaganda by Khan · · Score: 1

      hmm..either you have never seen the orignal Planet Of The Apes (I can't speak for the sequels) or you just didn't get it. It is an anti-nuke movie...nothing in it indicated any "liberal, animal-loving socialist propaganda about the evils of capitalism in our economy". You're just pissed cause they didn't ask you to direct it. :)

      --

      "Klaatu, verada, necktie!" -Ash

    5. Re:Planet of the Apes is liberal propaganda by cwhicks · · Score: 1

      ...did you see all the funny monkies? They was talking.

      --
      - I like pudding.
    6. Re:Planet of the Apes is liberal propaganda by Guppy · · Score: 2

      Is Planet a true Marxist critique of colonial extremism, or a hyperreal rationalization of Malthusian diametrics?

      I have no idea what you're talking about, but I recommend you submit your letter to the editors of Social Text.

  73. Get your spacesuit on Depp! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Well, with Burton directing we can make a pretty good guess at who will be visiting the apes. tjwp2

    1. Re:Get your spacesuit on Depp! by Nastard · · Score: 1

      Personally, I'm hoping burton goes back to his roots and signs Pee-Wee Herman (aka Paul Reubens).

  74. I hate every ape I see, from chimpanA to chimpanZ by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
    Apologies if someone has already mentioned this but....

    How about a Planet of the Apes musical, a la, like in the Simpsons episode where Troy McClure marries Selma? (it was Selma wasn't it? not the other one?)

    You know, sing along with me...

    "I hate every ape that I see, from chimpan A to chimpan Z! No, you'll never make a monkey out of me!"

  75. Re:You know... (somewhat OT) by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
    4 girls, a freezer full of sperm and a turkey baster

    Even better: four girls, a freezer full of sperm, and a straw. (Maybe a Slurpee straw.)

  76. Re:What? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
    I might trust my father, who owns over a dozen hunting pieces, with a "tommy gun" but he's never wanted one to my knowledge.
    I'd sure as hell never trust someone like you with one.

    If you can't trust a citizen to be responsible for dangerous tools (guns, explosives, cars, powertools) you can't trust them to vote either.
    Whoa dude! You're leaping over stuff and claiming proof where you haven't provided any. If I'm your neighbor, I want you to vote--regardless of whether I trust you to make "the right" choices as I see them. If your my neighbor and it comes to light that you're stockpiling explosives and weapons whose design-function is to kill people, I stop trusting you immediately, and I want the police to enforce the laws without any delay for your "feelings" as a gunfreak. What you're doing is a danger to those around you, and the fact that you choose to do it at all makes me not trust your judgement, sanity, motives--all that.

    In point of fact, although I am of the age of legal responsibility, I am not "trusted" to operate large trucks, or pilot ocean liners, or tugboats, or private or commercial aircraft. A license for handling and purchasing explosives is also legally required, and once you have that there are still regulations on your storeage and use of explosive material. I'd need a license that guaranteed my minimum competancy to do any those things safely, and that's absolutely as it should be. This is one of those things that separates adults from children who're always asking but why can't I? but why!? It's not fair!
    In asking for something stupid like automatic weapons, you're asking to be considered competent to own and operate something whose design is to kill and maim other human beings. I think you just failed the aptitude test, frankly, although it's still possible for you to obtain your freakish desire if you are politically connected with the local Sheriff's office. (If "They" have recently taken away that "right" and I didn't hear about it, please forward my congratulations and thanks to "Them".)

  77. Re:Hope they completely change everything by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    >The origional series of films has aged >remarkable well. Huh? I think maybe you need to pop _Escape from the Planet of the Apes_ into your VCR.

  78. That scene was excellent by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Instead of seeing a massive explosion like an atomic bomb and the entire planet rip to shreds like in Star Trek: Generations, we simply see Heston's hand fall down bringing the crystal with it and then the screen just starts getting brighter and brighter until it flashes and fades to black. Then the narrator comes on with the classic line like (I don't remember totally) "Somewhere around a yellow sun, the third planet is now dead." Classic. Heston was fabulous in the first movie and I wish he would have had a bigger role in the second one.. I'm not sure Burton could do this series any justice.

  79. Planet of the Warm Grits by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    "You son's-of-bitches, you blew up the last bowl of warm grits that had a date with my nutsack." -Charlton Heston

  80. Re:charlton heston comes full cirle by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Let's hope he's not in this one. Planet of the Apes is by Pierre Boulle, the same author that wrote Bridge on the River Kwai. Charlton Heston has the ability to make bad movies from good books. I remember watching Soylent Green and thinking the plot line seemed very familiar and realizing in horror it was based on Make Room, Make Room by Harry Harrison.

  81. "Planet of the Apes", yeah we all know that code by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    "Planet of the Apes". I can't believe that someone's trying to revive this racist bullshit. And that they've picked a racially dodgy director like Tim "Quentin" Burton to make it. Ever since "Batman" and "True Romance" (he financed it), Burton's been all too fond of the n-word, throing it around for shock value. And his version (third rewrite, I think) of the "Matrix" screenplay was outright disgusting.

    People, it's not funny to call black people apes. It's just offensive and lame. After all, we all come from Africa if you go back far enough, so we're all apes.

    "Planet of the Apes"? When they make "Planet of the Honkies", I'll go and see that. But I ain't holding my breath.

    Yeah, go on, moderate me, god forbid that anyone raise anything as trivial as racism on this serious discussion board.

  82. Re:Burton... hmm... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    You must be easily amused as well.
    There's about two minutes of "story" in the original movie.

  83. Re:I've only got one thing to say. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    "I see your schwartz is as big is mine, now let's see how well you handle it." - Dark Helmet

  84. What? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Just what the hell is that supposed to mean? Heston is one of the few decent men left these days, and has the guts to stand up for what he believes in. I don't recall him doing or saying anything racist, so I don't know what the hell you're talking about.

    1. Re:What? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
      I don't recall him doing or saying anything racist, so I don't know what the hell you're talking about.

      Let's just say that some of the clubs he belongs to aren't too into diversity, if you catch my drift. Nothing as high-profile as the Klan, but perhaps even more influential.

      And I'm not talking about the NRA. That's a a whole other story. Have you ever heard some of the speeches he gives for their events? I never knew a guy could like weapons so much. The fact that he's a racist just makes it worse.

      Heston is one of the few decent men left these days

      What has he done that is "decent?" I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being anti-gun control and pro-second amendment, but how does that make you a decent person?

    2. Re:What? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      I think what he means is that Charlton Heston is a gun-loving hate-monger who wants to keep America in the position where school shootings are commanplace. It's probably a result of being named after a crap football team in London.

    3. Re:What? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      What has Heston ever "monged" hate? And has he come out in favor of kids breaking the law? You fucking clueless pansy.

    4. Re:What? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
      Could you be more specific? It sounds like you're talking out your ass. What "bad" groups does he belong to?

      He is decent because he is taking a stand for basic civil liberties. And because he played Moses, and made us believe it. FDinally, he starred in Ben Hur, one of the best movies of all time.

    5. Re:What? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
      He is decent because he is taking a stand for basic civil liberties.

      In the US, they're civil liberties, but not elsewhere. You right-wing crazies can't accecpt that the world has changed in the past century. Yeah, that's why you're called "conservatives", because you want to return American to a country of Christian whites. Well, sorry, brother. And you can't "uninvent" automatic weapons, either.

      Ever notice how the US, the only country in the world that believes that it citizens should be allowed access to military weaponry? Yeah, why not let people have artillery while you're at it?

      I love the way some of the NRA wackos try to pass off military weapons as necessary for "hunting". Look: even with a .22 rifle, you have the advantage over those dangerous, vicous woodland creatures. You don't need an AR-15 (the "civilian" version of the M-16) to feed your family. Automatic weapons aren't needed to kill helpless animals, espcecially when it's for sport.

      You right-wingers love to say that your right to bear arms is what makes this country so great, but the jury's still out on whether America survives. The country has only existed in its present form for a bit over 200 years. That's nothing. Especially when you count how long ago the South tried to cecede: not too long ago. This place is as unstable as hell and its demise will probably be the unwillingness of conservatives to realize the fact the the WORLD HAS CHANGED SINCE THE BILL OF RIGHTS WAS ENACTED. Back then it WASN'T POSSIBLE for little Jonny Columbine to kill a few dozen of his classmates like that, because they had muskets. Little Johnny Columbine wouldn't have even been able to hit his classmates, most likely.

      Automatic weapons are not needed by civilians. You NRA buttfuckers really make me sick. You'll stand by and let freedoms of speech and public assembly and anti-discrimination laws get broken, and you don't say a word, but god forbid that someone tells you that you can't have an Ingram Mac-10.

      You can all go to hell.

      Especially Heston.

    6. Re:What? by pobbard · · Score: 1
      "(more recently, Viet Nam defeated us through smart tactics, perseverance, outside help and America lacking freedom of movement; Afghanistan defeated the USSR similarly; and it took two atomic bombs, which were new at the time, to keep Japan from doing this to the US in WWII)"

      A 1946 US Gov't military commission concluded that the atom bombs were not strategically necessary, and that Japan had been prepared to surrender as early as June of 1945. A Tokyo meeting of 20 June solidified the decision to end to war; the only thing left to do was finish the paperwork and agree to details. Most important to the Japanese: they did not want the emperor to be deposed; he needed to remain if only symbolically.

      We said "maybe", dropped the bombs, and then said "ok"; the emperor remains to this day. More likely, we dropped the bombs to coincide with the USSR's entry into the war on August 8 (first bomb on Aug. 6, second on Aug. 9), since we were already encountering problems in jointly occupying Germany and Austria with them in the west. The bombs had the desired effect: the Soviets never got the zone of occupation they sought in Japan (although they did get 1/2 of Korea).

      A few books have been written on this subject; the best is "The Decision to use the Atomic Bomb".

      --Philip

      --
      "It's amazing how our industry is strewn with beautiful, dead technology and bitter engineers." --M. Huyck
    7. Re:What? by cpt+kangarooski · · Score: 2

      Wow, you're really trolling today, huh.

      First off, the rights in the Bill of Rights aren't granted by the government - they're merely acknowledged. These are rights which are deemed to be inherent just by virtue of being a person. Nor is it a comprehensive list of rights. Sadly, they are often infringed upon, but no matter how common oppression might be, that's never an excuse for it.

      Furthermore, much of the point of the 2nd amendment (along with virtually all of the rest of the Bill of Rights) is to ensure that an oppressive government can't assume power. The spark that finally ignited the Revolutionary War was an attempt by the British military to sieze a cache of weapons stored at Concord, MA. In that war, a very disorganized coalition of guerrillas with some outside assistance managed to take down one of the stronger militaries at that time. This was very much in the minds of the framers of the Constitution, given as how they had just lived through it.

      The 2nd amendment is (imho) the ultimate check on the government. If it ever becomes sufficiently oppressive (remember that the 18th century American revolutionaries represented a minority of the population - many people were neutral, played both sides, or were loyal to England) it is no longer a legitimate government. It then deserves to be overthrown.

      While it's absurd to think that lots of small arms are enough to achieve this, in the sorry event that it becomes necessary, when combined with guerrilla tactics and as much of the military as respects the Constitution and the people above any particular illegal order or commander, there may be a fighting chance. After all, the government can't afford to kill everyone - who would support their needs?

      (more recently, Viet Nam defeated us through smart tactics, perseverance, outside help and America lacking freedom of movement; Afghanistan defeated the USSR similarly; and it took two atomic bombs, which were new at the time, to keep Japan from doing this to the US in WWII)

      While not every other country operates under this principle (China used to have periodic rebellions whenever it was time for a new dynasty to assume power and that's pretty similar), we're hardly the only country where arms are commonplace. Switzerland and Israel come to mind immediately.

      But I don't think that anyone seriously believes that people hunt with assault rifles. You get assault rifles because you're worried that one day you won't be able to get assault rifles, but that you'll need them.

      As for Columbine - you did know that their original plan was to set off a propane bomb and kill a very large amount of people right away? Substitute propane for black powder and it's still within the realm of possibility for 18th century wackos to get about the same effect. Do you propose to make propane illegal too?

      Civilians don't need the big big guns under normal circumstances, I'll grant. But the only circumstances when they are necessary are the exact ones where they're impossible to get. Me, I have too little confidence in people to assume that the government would run legitimately in the absence of a check and balance system. So I'll pile on all the checks and balances I can get, thanks.

      --
      -- This and all my posts are in the public domain. I am a lawyer. I am not your lawyer, and this is not legal advice.
  85. Re:Planet of the Trolls? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Of course, you have just lowered yourself to the same level, jackass! What you need is a steamin' bowl of warm grits placed directly between your buttocks. Thank you, Juan Epstein

  86. Re:"Planet of the Apes", yeah we all know that cod by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    If you moderate this then your children will be next...
    oops that sounds like a song I know...

  87. Re:articles detailing this films 'evolution'... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    That's too bad; Cameron and Schwarzenegger would have been a good fit, I think. And I like the bit about having Heston in a small role, as well.

  88. Re:"Planet of the Apes", yeah we all know that cod by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Okay, lets draw racist parallels

    The Gorrillas - behaved much more like white supremacists.
    The Oorangutangs - Covered up anything that could suggest that there was an advanced civilisation before their own - Just like western archaologists claimed about the Aztecs were too primative to have built their pyramids.

  89. Re:"Planet of the Apes", yeah we all know that cod by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Yeah, by that miserable whining band of pansies called the Manic (hah!) Street Preachers.

  90. OT: Daleks by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Whatever you do, don't watch Rememberence of the Daleks. You'll never feel safe again.

    1. Re:OT: Daleks by jago · · Score: 1

      Unless you have a baseball bat handy.

  91. Re:Mars Attacks == ill recieved by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Mars Attacks was a stupid, pitiful, disgrace of a movie. You should be ashamed. It was so awful I wanted to die right there in the theatre. Ugh.

  92. Re:I've only got one thing to say. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    DAMN DIRTY APES!

  93. Re:charlton heston comes full cirle by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    clueless fucking idiot. I'd like to kick your ass.

  94. Re:Bill, is that you? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Oh right, so anyone who holds a different viewpoint from the socialist Linux herd is automatically considered to be Bill Gates? Do you think that great entrepreneur has time to read your "insightful" posts? No, he's too busy making money and providing for the families of his well-paid and respected workers.

    And you're missing the point. Of course it's just science fiction. So what? Some of us can realise that ficion in any form can be a vehicle for pernicious social bigotry, even if it is a story about intelligent apes. If people DID think for themselves then they would see the propaganda contained within the film, but you seem incapable of doing so and as such, fall into the same catagory as the majority of the /. commune.

  95. Could be worse.... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I think Planet of the Crepes would be a mistake

  96. Re:Your FSCKED UP LINK (moron) by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Haha. I lovecrabby slashdot posters! But your link is the same as the one above yours. Shithead.

  97. Re:articles detailing this films 'evolution'... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Dem boys.. dey's da bomb. Hooo!

  98. Re:"Planet of the Apes", yeah we all know that cod by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
    SHUT UP you fucking ape! I'll go see planet of the honkies anyday (though I think I see it right now in front of me). Get off your grievance high-horse and learn to smile awkwardly and slap butts with the rest of us!

    -Rufus

  99. Re:Hmm... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Charleston?

  100. Re: Don't forget Bonobo by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Bonobo weren't considered a seperate species when the first series of PotA films were made. I expect that if they are added, and depicted accurately, they will be a race of matriarchal, free-loving, 'pan'-sexual (pun intended) hippies.

  101. Re:"Planet of the Apes", yeah we all know that cod by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
    Darn, the first intelligent post in this whole group, and no moderator points around to help you with.

    Now then, if we could just loan you to Mr. Burton to make sure that he has a clue as well...

  102. Humans != apes by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    That is simply a filthy lie spread by "scientists" who deny the divine plan of our Lord God in his Creation of the Universe. It has long been proven that "evolution" is simply a fallacy aimed at destroying the Christian religion and causing America to lose its status as world guardian of morality and ethics.

    1. Re:Humans != apes by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      So that's the reason that the Apes took over.

  103. Re:Remake by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Oliver Stone the clueless fuckstick.

  104. More Information by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    There is some more info on the "movie rumors" web site. Among the more interesting tidbits:

    None other than Slashdot's favorite actress... you guessed it... Natalie Portman(!) is being considered for the role of Zera!

    Charlton Heston WILL have a cameo.

    Burton is considering changing the story to modernize it a little bit.

    Instead of astronauts returning to Earth in the future due to a malfunction, the three men will be transported to the future using an AIBO outfitted with time-travel circuitry.

    The apes will be more highly evolved than in the original film, although they never lost their tendency to throw their own feces at people (I get more than excited imagining Natalie Portman throwing her own feces at people!)

    In the future, the downfall of the human race is blamed on their eventual move to a subclass computer operating system... the drivers to control the nuclear missile launch interfaces were installed before they were out of alpha-stage. This caused a nuclear war.

    At the end of the film, Charlton Heston's character (who is gay, so instead of a native girl, he is riding with a boy named timmy [also played by Natalie Portman]) rides along the coast, eventually discovering a statue of RMS holding his flute in one hand and a copy of "Marx's Concept of Man" in the other.

    The humans in this version will all be able to speak, but their vocabulary is limited to the extent that they just repeat the following phrases:

    "DeCSS!"
    "Open sourcing this xxxxxx is the only way to improve it!"
    "Microsoft sucks!"
    "DeCSS!"
    "Linux rules!"
    "Patents should be illegal!"
    "My, it's awfully dark and smelly up here in RMS's butthole!"
    "DeCSS!"
    and finally,
    "DeCSS!"


    I don't know about you, but I'm certainly looking forward to it!


    thank you.

  105. Re:Not exactly a remake... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Oooh. Thanks for setting us all straight on what is and is not truly dark. All those fakers and posers like Burton don't hold a candle to a true goth like you and your master/boyfriend Rufus, do they, Tony?

  106. Re:I want Troy McClure to star! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    get your paws off me you filthy ape!

  107. Re:"Planet of the Apes", yeah we all know that cod by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
    While yes, it could be considered quite liberal, get off the 'race' wagon already. Context, man.

    Oh great, so now people who disagree with your extremist Randite politics are apes too? And we're meant to think that it's OK to call black people apes in the right "context"? Well, in what context would it be OK to say that all computer nerds should be shot in mass graves? The context of Pol Pot's Cambodia? I suppose that anything goes to you postmodernist relatvists and your hardcore Randite libertarianism. Bah.

  108. Re:Planet of the Trolls? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Aha! You finally slipped up, Juan! I could have guessed it was you behind this grits thing anyway. Well, you'll get what's coming to you... just you wait...

  109. Re:Planet of the Trolls? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Juan, you need to get a little variety in your life. Have you ever considered... a bowl of warm sticky macaroni and cheese down your pants?

  110. Unfortunate. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
    Tim Burton is a hack director and producer. It is really too bad James Cameron didn't get the green light to direct this one. Now we get to see the movie but shot entirely at night, with goofy musicals and dancing apes instead. Lame.

    Im so goth it hurts.

  111. Re:Bill, is that you? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Oh yes, let's see use my account to post stuff that goes against the /. herd's "facts". Wow, if I don't want anyone to read my posts without having to check at -1 after I get moderated down to crap every time then I'll start posting with my account now. And, as a bonus, I can get flamed every time! Woohoo!

    No thank you, I'll stay AC for now.

  112. Nope by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    He'll just be yelling, "Its a Madhouse!!!"

  113. Subgenius "Open Source?" I think not! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Since when is Subgenius open source? Isn't it up to, like, 30 bucks or so just for a membership now? Discordianism-now that's open source. fnord!

    1. Re:Subgenius "Open Source?" I think not! by flyneye · · Score: 1

      Sure,you can hang with the Subgenii for free,"Bobby",but if you havent sent in your $30
      youre still "pink"to Bob.
      You think Stang can afford to give ordainment kits
      to every drooling Bobby that wants one?
      $30(not much more than a linux book and discs)for
      eternal salvation.How much more do other religions
      hit you up for?Do they let you create new dogma?
      $30 lets you use and abuse all subgenius resources for your own profit and sensual pleasure.
      Better to pay $30 to Bob for "The Divine Excuse"than to spend X-Day on The Planet Of The Pinks.

      --
      *Repent!Quit Your Job!Slack Off!The World Ends Tomorrow and You May Die!
  114. Re:"Planet of the Apes", yeah we all know that cod by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
    Nobody's calling Black people Apes.

    Boy would I love to live in your happy-clappy HIllary Clinton rainbow village in the sky. back in the real world, people are calling black people apes every godamn f***ing day. Intelligent people in the IT industry too -- we shouldn't kid ourselves, the computer business is racist to its lily-white core.

    That's why it's dangerous and insensitive to be making a film which brings up this whole "black men are apes" myth, and equally insenstive to publicise it to computer geeks, who are one of the most racist groups in society -- because htye never meet any black people.

  115. original book by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
    Anyone read the original book on which Planet of the Apes was based? (No, they didn't come up with an original storyline for the movie of course, com e on ...)

    It was by a French guy called Pierre Boulle or something like that. It was better than the movies, IMHO. It started off with this couple in a spaceship picking up a "help message" from the planet (then most of the stuff was the normal planet of the apes plot) then at the end, it came back to the couple in the spaceship, and you realised that they were actually apes, and they realised that the person who sent the help message was human (but didn't believe it - dumb humans don't send messages). It was quite cool.

  116. Re:I hate every Ape I see . . . by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    "You'll never make a monkey out of meeee!"

  117. Re:Risking OT moderation here, but...... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
    I dunno..... Having got out of that area for the most part, I've learned that there are idiots everywhere, but it's definitely not where I'd choose to bring up kids.

    My experiences with the Planet Earth group at the Lovel YC in Welling led me to believe that there are good, sane ppl in the SE too. And I used to go out with a girl who lived in Grangehill Rd, behind Well Hall ;)

  118. Re:thought it was about evolution... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    True believers in the Kingdom of God need not fear "scientific" investigation of "evolution" since it is a myth invented by scientists to attack religion anyway. The Word of God passed down to us through the Bible tells the story of Creation, and all the "science" in the world cannot change these fundamental truths.

  119. Teenage Bonobo's, petrified and naked by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Yeah baby,

    Let's see some of those promiscous cute female teenage Bonobo's, petrified and naked!

    Woo-hoo

  120. Re:Planet of the Grapes? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    sounds pretty good, but i don't see where they'll put the lactation scene. that was the best part!...

  121. Re:I want Troy McClure to star! by PHroD · · Score: 0

    selected quotes:
    "No, i was wrooong, It was earth all aloooong"

    "Can I play the piano anymore?" "Of course you can!" "Well I couldn't before!"

    I find myself singing this at werk from time to time, while wandering the halls :)

    "There is no spoon"-Neo, The Matrix
    "SPOOOOOOOOON!"-The Tick, The Tick

  122. Re:I want Troy McClure to star! by PHroD · · Score: 0

    ohhh and i forgot: "Get you HAND off me you...dirty APE!" "He can talk, he can talk, he can talk" "I can SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING" cant believe i forgot to include my fav line :)

    "There is no spoon"-Neo, The Matrix
    "SPOOOOOOOOON!"-The Tick, The Tick

  123. Re:You know... (somewhat OT) by RedGuard · · Score: 0

    4 girls, a freezer full of sperm and a turkey
    baster

  124. Your FSCKED UP LINK (moron) by uncleFester · · Score: 0
    I think you meant to have this link instead of the pooly-encapsulated abortion listed in your post above.

    It's called preview. Learn to use it, you jackass.

    --
    -'fester
    1. Re:Your FSCKED UP LINK (moron) by uncleFester · · Score: 1
      my link is not missing a '/' in the closing a tag, and hence, works in any cocked-up semi-brain-dead POS browser I may have the goddamn pished-up misfortune in my pathetic hosed pitiful shitass little life at $x moment in time. hence, my link doesn't dangle open screaming look the fuck at me, i'm 3133t h4x0r d00d with b0tch3d 4ich t33 3m 311 in my miserable lameass post!!!11!1!!!!!111!.

      wanker.

      (btw, is extrans working? I previewed the above in extrans first and my bold tags were coming through unparsed...)

      --
      -'fester
  125. Re:Bill, is that you? by Skald · · Score: 0
    Suit yourself. I don't see that karma means all that much... especially compared to taking pride in and responsibility for your words. The more so when they're unpopular.

    Frankly, I it seems to me that your insulting tone, rather than your opinions, would get these posts moderated down. Which is why your going AC looks more like a dodge, and your reasons like rationalizations. Either way, an AC has little right to demand to be taken seriously.

    --

    "The best we can hope for concerning the people at large is that they be properly armed." - Alexander Hamilton

  126. Mr. Heston FOUGHT for Civil Rights by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1
    Mr. Heston actually marched with Dr. King for civil rights.

    Your lack of knowledge is easily assumed though through your sarcastic assumption that someone who believes in his Second Amendment rights is automtically a racist or a hillbilly or a gay basher.

    For the record, gun control in this century started in Nazi Germany and Mussolini's Facist Italy.

    So how is it that Mr. Heston is a nazi?

    jsmith@ixlmemphis.com

    1. Re:Mr. Heston FOUGHT for Civil Rights by Mad+Man · · Score: 1

      As a gun rights activist, I wish our side would stop claiming that gun control has its roots in Nazi Germany. President Clinton, Sarah Brady, the Centers for Disease Control, and the rest of the gun-control lobby spread enough lies about the subject of gun control. We don't need to be doing the same. See: http://www.guncite.com/gun_control_gcnazimyth.html

  127. charlton heston comes full cirle by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

    Charlton Heston, circa "Planet of the Apes":

    You damned dirty apes!

    Charlton Heston, today:

    You damned dirty negroes! (Also, I like guns!)
    1. Re:charlton heston comes full cirle by flyneye · · Score: 1

      damn dirty anonymous coward,get your facts straight.
      may you die,desperatly needing a gun on a
      planet of liberal democrats.

      --
      *Repent!Quit Your Job!Slack Off!The World Ends Tomorrow and You May Die!
    2. Re:charlton heston comes full cirle by CaptainAvatar · · Score: 1
      Or Australia where, since the ban on most guns the rate of crime has skyrocketed.

      Oh for FUCK's sake. That is SUCH an utter crock of shit. Nobody here in Australia has noticed this "skyrocketing" of crime rates. None of my friends or family have the victims of even petty crime for a long time. And gee, guess what - none of them have ever owned a gun, much less had it taken from them.

      Mmm, I feel so much less safe walking the streets knowing that there are hundreds of thousands fewer lethal weapons floating around. Yeah, right.

      Not that you will care, but the official statistics show murders involving guns fell from 99 in 1996 (before the reforms) to 54 in 1998 (after the reforms). Note that those figures are *total*, not for one city, out of a population of 19 million people. Some crime wave. Gosh, you're right mister, we Australians sure are stupid ... how many Americans are murdered using a gun each year again?

      Here's a local news report on the recent claims by your NRA about our crime statistics.

      --
      The real Captain Avatar is a fictional character, so I suppose he doesn't mind if I impersonate him.
    3. Re:charlton heston comes full cirle by CaptainAvatar · · Score: 1
      Hmmm ... self-replying is not a good thing. But I found some even starker figures:

      Gun related homicide rates in ...
      Australia: 0.28 per 100,000 people
      United States: 4 per 100,000 people

      Source: The Australian Attorney-General, via CNN.

      Yes, Australia is obviously doing something wrong.

      --
      The real Captain Avatar is a fictional character, so I suppose he doesn't mind if I impersonate him.
    4. Re:charlton heston comes full cirle by Mullen · · Score: 3

      No, today he would say that if the Black guy who got his brain cut out in the movie, had a gun those Apes would have not messed with him.

      Or if his character would have had his 2nd Admendment rights, he would have not been captured in the first place.

      And last, but not least. If the humans in the movie had legel access to guns, they would not be oppressed by the Apes.

      But lets not forget the tyranny of Ape government would have been kept in check by the people if they were NRA members!

      --
      Linux O Muerte!
  128. Re:Planet of the Grapes? by Ranger+Rick · · Score: 1

    No, no, no. That's the remake of The Grapes of Wraith. Get your rumours straight.

    --

    WWJD? JWRTFM!!!

  129. Re:Not exactly a remake... by Tony+Tastey · · Score: 1

    Come on, Burton hasn't done a "dark" film in a while. All he does now are quirky Tim Burton flicks. Granted, he's still amazing when it comes to visuals, but he seems to have completely lost any respect for the stories he's supposed to be telling. (Sleepy Hollow, anyone?)

  130. Re:Hmmm by Stormie · · Score: 1

    Hell, the only movie I can think of offhand that has a really cool ending is Star Wars. Even after 16 years of avoiding the film, when I saw it, I was suprised.

    Really?? Did you see some alternate director's cut of Star Wars where the corny hero didn't prevail against the odds and miraculously destroy the Death Star mere seconds before it came into firing range of the rebel base? 'Cos that's what happened at the end of the version of Star Wars that I saw, and I wasn't surprised a bit.

  131. Re:I'll give him a chance. by Kid+Zero · · Score: 1

    I'm not kidding. If you believe the rumors that have been floating about it for ages. :)
    Also, he'd better _not_ cast Johnny Depp in this on too.

  132. I'll give him a chance. by Kid+Zero · · Score: 1

    Granted, I think they've been trying for a Superman remake for years with, of all people, Nick Cage. blech. One of the coolest things about the origninal was the costuming (great for it's day), and Roddy McDowell. I mean, I knew he'd landed on a future Earth, I knew they'd nuke the place, et al. Still, not a bad movie.

    Maybe Burton will handle it well.

    1. Re:I'll give him a chance. by MattXVI · · Score: 1

      Nick Cage as Superman?? Really? You're kidding, right. That would be like casting Courtney Love as the Virgin Mary.

      --
      When I'm singing a ballad and a pair of underwear lands on my head, I hate that. It really kills the mood.
      -Tom Jones
  133. Re:bulk starkness of original by Bolen · · Score: 1

    Right. In the original book story, the human animals wore no clothes. After all, the only time you see an animal with clothes is when we choose to dress them up, like the chimp movie parodies, or when some lady puts a sweater on her dog.

    Animals don't care about clothes, and neither did the humans on the Ape planet, which, by the way, really was a different planet than Earth. Also, there was no confusion about the astronaut being a local animal. He wore clothes and he could speak.

  134. Re:I want Troy McClure to star! by EricTheRed · · Score: 1

    Isn't it strange that that episode was aired only a couple of days ago?

    --
    Java gaming nut - http://www.retep.org/ or for the rail http://uktra.in/
  135. Re:Another remake?! by Davidicus · · Score: 1

    The Thomas Crown Affair

    --
    Any sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from technology
  136. If it aint' broken ... by AftanGustur · · Score: 1

    But why remake a near-perfect film ???

    Will they remake E.T. in 20 years then ??

    --
    Why pay for drugs when you can get Linux for free ?

    --
    echo '[q]sa[ln0=aln80~Psnlbx]16isb572CCB9AE9DB03273snlbxq' |dc
    1. Re:If it aint' broken ... by Firewire86 · · Score: 1

      Why not? They can always break out the SGI 02 boxes and make a badass looking ET... Something like Rudolph Giuliani, But lose the Crossdressing tendencies.

      --
      Microsoft Certified Expert in Solitaire bitmap manipulation, Mine detection in Win32 application enviroments, and Blue
  137. Remake by Milosch · · Score: 1

    Bummer... I was really looking forward to the
    previously rumoured Oliver Stone project...
    Now that would have been something ;)

    --
    Miles Lott
    1. Re:Remake by Milosch · · Score: 1

      hrm, that was left field. Or maybe I am a newless cluebee?

      --
      Miles Lott
  138. [OT] PotA posters by NYC · · Score: 1
    I know this is slighty off-topic, but for all the PotA fans out there: have you seen the posters made by poster artist Alan Forbes? Check out some of these beauties:

    Human, you're next!
    Fu Manchu

    Check out the lower-left hand corner of the Human poster, it's Charleston Heston himself!
    Alan has other posters with the PotA theme. I have the Fu Manchu poster in my bedroom, very sweet.

    --Ivan, weenie NT4 user: bite me!

    --
    --weenie NT4 user: bite me!
    "Computers are nothing but a perfect illusion of order" -- Iggy Pop
  139. Re:Hope they completely change everything by K. · · Score: 1

    > The other problem is that it has one of the most famous surprise endings ever.

    If you were a complete fucking moron.

    K.
    -

    --
    -- Proud descendant of semi-nomadic cattle-herders.
  140. Hey Hollywood! Imagination? by Ripp · · Score: 1

    Alright, I'm a big fan of the 'Apes.' Have been for a loooong time. I'm sure the re-make will be good, but....

    IT'S STILL ANOTHER F@#%^NG HOLLYWOOD REMAKE!!!

    Today's media, by and large, is so un-original and copycat it's pathetic. Does POTA *need* to be re-made? No. Do we need anymore dumbass films based off of dumbass 60's/70's TV shows? No. Anymore dumbass Disney cartoon musicals / merchandising machines? No.

    What we need is some go#@$mned creativity and imagination coming to a theater near you and me.

    I saw another story about the possibility of a 'snowcrash' film. Cool. I think I'll go check that out. At least that hasn't been done before. Ditto for the Lord of the Rings films in progress (No a dopey cartoon version doesn't count.)

    If art mirrors society then we all must be a lot of monkey-see-monkey-do idiotic zombies. If society mirrors art then we're headed that way quick.

    How about

    --
    Blech. Signatures.
    1. Re:Hey Hollywood! Imagination? by mikefoley · · Score: 1

      Maybe we can combine the two?

      "The Apes of Hazzard"

      Just two good ol' apes..
      Never meanin' no harm
      Beats all the humans down, smacks'em to the ground
      since the day they was born

      --
      What's my Karma Mr. Burns? "Excellent"
  141. Re:"Planet of the Apes", yeah we all know that cod by Ripp · · Score: 1

    OK whatever.
    Step into the wayback machine with me Sherman, and lets look at what it might've been seen as ~30 years ago.

    Gorillas - The military/police/strongarm authority. It light of 'nam and incidents like Kent State, think about it.

    The O-tangs - The 'establishment' i.e. government and religion, all wrapped up in one oppressing ruling caste. Unwilling to look at the facts in front of them and see what's there because it'd ruin their power.

    And the Chimps - arguably the smartest of the primates, the 'free thinkers' and scientists of the 'ape-world.' Open minded and willing to go out on the limb to change things.

    While yes, it could be considered quite liberal, get off the 'race' wagon already. Context, man.

    --
    Blech. Signatures.
  142. Re:Varlet! by Luxury+P.+Yacht · · Score: 1

    I suppose you'll want my polystyrene nose too!

    --
    Bush should have died, not Reagan -- Morrissey
    Morrissey rides a cockhorse -- The Warlock Pinchers
  143. Re:Right, your for it now! by Luxury+P.+Yacht · · Score: 1

    Ah, anti-semitism! I want to be on the television!

    --
    Bush should have died, not Reagan -- Morrissey
    Morrissey rides a cockhorse -- The Warlock Pinchers
  144. Re:Burton? by Luxury+P.+Yacht · · Score: 1

    Cut! Print it! Brilliant!

    --
    Bush should have died, not Reagan -- Morrissey
    Morrissey rides a cockhorse -- The Warlock Pinchers
  145. Bill, is that you? by Khan · · Score: 1

    I should have guessed...it's our favorite lurker, Billy G. from Micro$quish. How're you doing Bill? Y'know, I can understand why you think that we're all a bunch of Socialist Linux Zealots....I mean, if this were a real socialist society, you wouldn't have all that $$ coming outta your butt. But since when did you become a spokesperson for the Christian Coalition? You're still missing the point of the movie AND the fact that this is "science fiction." It's meant to be entertaining and thought provoking at the same time. But, that's something you'd like us NOT to do...think for ourselves. It takes the control out of your hands and squarely places it in our OWN hands. Listen, you need to just relax and take it as another frivolous piece of Hollywood entertainment kinda like "Last Temptation of Christ" was. Well, it's been swell chatting with you. Take it easy. Hugs and kisses to the wife & kid. :)

    --

    "Klaatu, verada, necktie!" -Ash

    1. Re:Bill, is that you? by Skald · · Score: 1

      How about this: anyone who expects to be taken seriously should log in, so he can take credit and responsibility for his posts.

      --

      "The best we can hope for concerning the people at large is that they be properly armed." - Alexander Hamilton

    2. Re:Bill, is that you? by rwrannells · · Score: 1


      So you feel Mr. Gates is a "great entrepreneur". I figured a law and order conservitive like you would be out for the man's hide. Considering how many laws he broken, including tampering with a federal witness and destroying evidence in a federal case. Does the word Hypocracy come to anyone's mind?

    3. Re:Bill, is that you? by Skald · · Score: 2

      I thought so. At the bottom of it, a worthless, gutless, halfwit coward. Go find a clue, and some balls to go with it.

      --

      "The best we can hope for concerning the people at large is that they be properly armed." - Alexander Hamilton

  146. Me, for one by FascDot+Killed+My+Pr · · Score: 1

    I hated Mars Attacks. The entire thing was stupid and extremely non-funny. The only halfway decent parts were the Jack Nicholson bits ("We still have 2 of the 3 branches of government. And that ain't bad!")

    In fact, the only reasons I even finished watching it were

    1) To see how far they would push the obvious Attack of the Killer Tomato ripoffs
    2) Just so I could say I had watched the whole thing
    --

    --
    Linux MAPI Server!
    http://www.openone.com/software/MailOne/
    (Exchange Migration HOWTO coming soon)
  147. Re: Don't forget Bonobo by 0xdeadbeef · · Score: 1

    I considered that, but I'd expect it to confuse people who don't know what bonobos are or what their society is like. They would be the perfect ancestor of the scientist caste, however, very much like those of the original movie, though a bit more promiscious.

  148. I hate every Ape I see . . . by whuppy · · Score: 1

    . . . from chimpan-a to chimpan-zee.

    --
    whuppy enjoys smelling like diesel fuel
  149. Oh no! by slickwillie · · Score: 1

    Let's look forward to yet another shallow, plotless extravaganza, with some mildly interesting visuals. How about some apes singing Day-O? Apes doing head transplants between humans and dogs? BatApe? An ape with scissors for hands?

  150. Please please please... by Rasvar · · Score: 1

    tell me they aren't going to use CGI apes. Vision of Jar Jar dance in mind mind!

    Run away! Run away!

  151. Mars Attacks == ill recieved by nhowie · · Score: 1
    According to the article Mars Attacks was "ill recieved" -- by who exactly? I don't know anyone who didn't love it (although that's probably not a good judge of films;) I suspect it's popular on /. due to Natalie Portman being in it.

    Oh btw, Planet of the Apes is listed as having been on the imdb since last April!
    --

    1. Re:Mars Attacks == ill recieved by nhowie · · Score: 1
      Oops, screwed up that link, never mind, a previous poster go there first (damned slow connection!)

      OBOT: I think Tim Burton's a good choice for director, since he understands cheesy (His Hero-worship biopic of Ed Wood, and of course most of Mars Attacks, although it was out-cheesed by the awful Independance Day)
      --

    2. Re:Mars Attacks == ill recieved by Skald · · Score: 1
      I don't know anyone who didn't love it

      I didn't love it. Of course, whether you know me is somewhat debatable. :-)

      And don't think I didn't notice, you snuck a reference to Natalie Portman in there!

      Oops. I did too. But I won't mention grits.

      Damn.

      --

      "The best we can hope for concerning the people at large is that they be properly armed." - Alexander Hamilton

  152. you're scaring me, man by Noodles · · Score: 1

    "science"??? What the hell is this supposed to imply? I suppose the sum of all knowledge is contained in your bible?

    Wake up!!! The earth revolves around the sun... the earth is round... atoms exist...

  153. Monkey by Louziffer · · Score: 1
    Congratulations! Your post has been selected for a Monkey Moderation!

    Due to this post, a monkey dressed in a gorilla costume was tossed into the lion exhibit at the world famous San Diego Zoo. The gorilla costume seemed to make the lions nervous for a couple of minutes; However, the lions must have detected the scent of the monkey underneath, as it was quickly killed and eaten before animal handlers arrived to save it.

    LouZiffer

    --

    LouZiffer

  154. Re:Hmmm... by Sun+Tzu · · Score: 1

    There is nothing on the front page of Variety. I don't have an account -- there could be a story in there.

    --
    Geeky modern art T-shirts
  155. Re:Hmmm... Variety search does turn up a story by Sun+Tzu · · Score: 1

    The search button is tiny with no form... but it turns up a story lead-in about the remake.

    --
    Geeky modern art T-shirts
  156. New Suprise Ending by georgeha · · Score: 1

    I've got a good line on the new surprise ending.

    The astronaut, with the name of Stan, and his ape friend Kyle, ride up a beach on horseback and see the shattered Statue of Liberty.

    Stan: "You've killed western civilization".

    Kyle: "You bastards!"

    George

  157. Re:What about the hollywood shotout by B.+Samedi · · Score: 1

    Hello! Genius! They were wearing Level IIIA body armor from head to toe! They were actually shot several times by the police but the bullets didn't penetrate.

    When you're using hollow points designed to drop suspects from blood loss quickly from expansion and you shoot body armor that stops bullets by spreading out the energy, a bullet that expands rapidly over a wide area is going to have little to no effect (aside from some sore ribs). That's why the police needed bigger weapons. So the bullets would penetrate Kevlar. It had nothing to do with range and everything to do with the types and calibers of bullets. Remember, a 9mm is actually a rather low powered round.

  158. POTA for the big screen? by Profound · · Score: 1

    You maniacs!! You blew it up!!!

    (-1 terrible pun)

  159. Re:Where's the 'bullshit' moderation option? by ODiV · · Score: 1

    Okay...

    I'm just going to get down to what really bugs me about your posting.

    I didn't mind your first post. It's been awhile since I've seen Planet of the Apes, and I didn't remember any racist connotations, but I gave you the benefit of the doubt. Sure... it's possible.

    After that though, when some people responded that they didn't think that the movie was refering to black people as apes. You replied inferring that they said it's okay to call black people apes in the right context (when really they said nothing of the kind).

    The next guy said "Nobody's calling black people apes". He was clearly talking about the movie and not society, which you accused him of.

    You accused me of being willfully stupid and not displaying a comment that you made how you meant it. Well you have been doing this since the start of this discussion. You are creating arguments and disagreements out of nothing.

    I have no doubt that there is racism. I do, however, doubt that this movie was created with racist intentions.

    That's all I have to say.

  160. Re:Hmmm by ODiV · · Score: 1

    Hollywood often does remakes. It's not just a recent trend. These remakes are sometimes better than the original too.

    It's like saying, "Well, Linux has already been coded. We have to start from scratch."

    It's refreshing that the movie world can admit that their movies aren't perfect, and that some would benefit from a remake. Sometimes a remake is done to show respect and to renew the original. Look at Scarface.

  161. Ron Perlman by British · · Score: 1

    Is Ron Perlman gonna be in this? he should since, well, he doesn't need any makeup to do an ape role. Proof: Alien 4: Resurrection

  162. Re:I want Troy McClure to star! by Zan+Thrax · · Score: 1

    Yeah, OK, that'd be cool... but he's dead Jim.

    --

    Intolerant people should be shot.
  163. Re:Hmmm by Zan+Thrax · · Score: 1

    Hah. I remember pissing off my mother when we watched the tapes at my grandmother's place (neither of us had seen it) by predicting the plot of most of the movie at least 30 seconds in advance.

    --

    Intolerant people should be shot.
  164. Britney Spears as Nova! by Get+Behind+the+Mule · · Score: 1

    She'll have to wear that "primitive bikini" outfit through the whole film, and won't have to say a word! Nova can't say anything, except maybe something like "bleeeggggghhh!", so I'm sure Britney can handle it.

    --
    Always keep a sapphire in your mind
  165. And for musical interludes by zrk · · Score: 1

    Of Course, Paul Reubens is the natural choice for Taylor.

    For music: None other than Danny Elfman!

    Imagine the human hunt scene with PWBA music -

    daaa daaa daaa daaa
    dadadada daa
    dadadada
    dadadada
    daaa daaa daaa daaaa

    AAAAAHHH! MR. MONKEY!!!!!

    (there, I now remove the music from my head and download it to someone else's, whosoever may read this!)

    Imagine:

    In the courtroom scene:

    "I know you're a monkey, but what am I?"

  166. Re:You know... (somewhat OT) by ktakki · · Score: 1

    4 girls, a freezer full of sperm and a turkey baster

    ...right after an all new episode of Frasier, Thursday on NBC, MustSeeTV!

    k.
    --
    "In spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart." - Anne Frank
  167. PotA Live! Serendipity by droob · · Score: 1

    And this announcement comes right in time to boost PotA awareness for The Magic Smoking Monkey Theatre's April 5 auditions for Planet of the Apes - Live! I've read the script, and, boy, is this one gonna be a doozy. So, any Midwest-based Planet of the Apes fans, get yourself to St. Louis in May for this rare opportunity.

  168. hahaha by Spazmoid · · Score: 1

    "Get your stinking hands off me you damn dirty ape!!!!"

    --
    www.mp3.com/Undocumented
  169. It'll Never Beat the Original by greyrat · · Score: 1

    It's the Wrong Time. Socialogically, environmentally, economically, and a bunch of 'allies' I can't even think of.

    Besides, the media isn't appropriate anymore. Back when the orignal was made, people were not as 'sophisticated' about what they put in their brains for entertainment. If they had been, Planet of the Apes wouldn't have had two dozen sequels.

    Oh wait! I see! Maybe the idea is to remake the whole series (and the TV show)! What a nice steady revenue stream! #NOT# #;^)

    --

    "There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." -- Ken Olson, 1977
  170. Yes!!!! by jdmoline · · Score: 1

    I loved Planet of the Apes. I am very excited to see this new flick. I wonder if they are going to use the old costumes.

  171. Really made a monkey ... by deprecated · · Score: 1

    Taylor: (sings) You really made a monkey out of me!
    Chorus of apes: Yes, we really made a monkey out of ...

    (Big Finish!)
    Taylor / Chorus: ...me / you!

  172. This is Cool by jamesoutlaw · · Score: 1

    I am looking forward to this film. I like Tim Burton's style and am interested in seeing how he approaches this story. As much as I loathe Charlton Heston, "Planet of the Apes" is still a pretty cool movie. The Sci Fi channel played it over the Christmas holiday... watching it made me feel like an 8 yr old kid again. ;-)

  173. Re:I want Troy McClure to star! by god_of_the_machine · · Score: 1

    Isn't it strange that that episode was aired only a couple of days ago?

    Not really that strange, considering that there are about five episodes on per day! =)

    --

    -rt-
    ** Evil Canadians are taking over the world. Learn about the conspiracy
  174. Tim Burton means... Danny Elfman's music. by Nonesuch · · Score: 1
    Oingo Boingo!

    Danny Elfman is best known for the Simpson's theme music, and the music from just about every Tim Burton film, and several others. Also, the voice of Jack Skelton in "Nightmare before Christmas"

    If Elfman does the music, then the PotA remake cannot suck.

    --

    I do not deploy Linux. Ever.
  175. Re:Charleton? Charleton! by ChristTrekker · · Score: 1
    Whatdayya mean the sixth android's name is Johnny 5?

    Well it's obvious it was programmed in C.

    --

    Constitutionally Correct

  176. Re:Hmmm by Tayknight · · Score: 1

    the most obvious ending of all time was Titanic.

    --
    Pair up in threes. - Yogi Berra
  177. Re:Where's the 'bullshit' moderation option? by spiralx · · Score: 1

    I'd imagine it's because most of them don't have anybody sitting near them at all :) Seriously though, I used to be best friends with a coloured bloke called Ishmael and plenty of people I know are black. But then again from my experiance it's not nearly as bad over here in London as it is in America from what I see and read, as I'm sure you'd agree. Of course, that is somewhat of a generalisation. Comments are always welcome...

  178. Re:You know... (somewhat OT) by Witch+Doctor · · Score: 1

    God I miss Bloom County.

    *sniff*

    Witch Doctor

    This is my cubicle. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

    --
    This is my cubicle. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
  179. Decline of trolling by Tuxedo+Mask · · Score: 1

    I am as great an appreciator of trolls as anyone. But it has become quite clear to me that the general level of trolling on slashdot, even as practiced by some of the trolling 'greats' such as jsm and 80md, has truly suffered.

    An all-too-typical example is this article: by any and all measures, the trolling threads are pathetic. This racism troll felt forced and uninspired from the beginning, but as it went on, it felt more and more like the artist was pulling teeth. But even worse is the horrendously cliched "liberal propaganda" thread (which quickly devolves into yet another bland and ignored religious zealotry troll, but that may be another's hand).

    A good troll must flow naturally. A good troll is marked by vivid and consistent characterization. The delivery should be marked by a hidden grace and artistry. There is nothing wrong with the tried and true personas, but lately trolling has been stuck in a rut of unoriginality and unbelievable pointless tirades that a moron could see through.

    And finally, a growing number of trolls seem to feel the need to justify their work as encouraging some kind of moralistic introspection. Spiritual growth is certainly laudable, but as a driving motive it misses the whole point of trolling: to have fun. It's all very well to work an ethical bonus into a troll, but don't put the cart before the horse!

    Sorry to trouble you all. I'm just saddened to see the ultimate decadence and trivialisation of trolling, the best part of slashdot.

    Cheers.

  180. Re:You know... (somewhat OT) by Tuxedo+Mask · · Score: 1

    Unfortunately, the line which explained that they were aiming for "The Wild, Chunky, Spunky Planet of Mary Lou Retton Clones" wound up on the cutting room floor.

  181. Re:I want Troy McClure to star! by rlkoppenhaver · · Score: 1

    (I know, Different episode, but...)

    We'll be all right as long as they don't send us to that horrible planted of the apes.... wait a minute... Statue of Liberty.... That was earth! Noooo! They blew up the earth! *sob*

  182. Have you actually seen the original movie? by zeck · · Score: 1

    Maybe you missed this (it was pretty subtle) but the apes in the original movie could talk. So obviously these futuristic apes are not genetically identical to today's apes which are not biologically capable of speech. Keeping that in mind, is it really so far fetched that these future-apes would have different eating habits and temperaments than today's apes?

  183. Re:Hmmm by hagis · · Score: 1

    Everyone must have seen this film now, so what's the point of re-making it if the ending is well known, something that's particularly important to the film?

  184. Charles..... by zi0n · · Score: 1
    d00d I think Charlton Heston should be the star again!! He was such a stud it that movie. And the brain surgery gurl... mmmmmm, I have to say he had to have had alot of self control not to take advantage of that!! Can we say Hot!! whaaa hooo!!!

    Well, I will miss lobodomy gurl (sniffle), but u never know this may be even sillier than the 1st!!I vote for Asia Carrera(sp) as his cave-man/woman lover. ;) rowr!! Oh, and Fiona Apple as the "Bitchy" ape ruler could be interesting.

    1. Re:Charles..... by Firewire86 · · Score: 1
      Fiona: "I refuse to cater to this corporate manipulation of the capitalist politics which renders feminist senimentality obscelecent in this male dominated world", etc, etc, etc, for 2 hours until the awards acceptance "Shut-up" music playsd from the dark carcass of a Sony AIBO, at the press conference...At which point she suddenly announces that she is in fact a Lesbian and would enjoy a 4-way with Sarah Michelle Gellar and Natalie Portman. And Wyonna Rider would steal the script from her room and win an oscar for the role.

      (The missing Lesbian is, in fact, Johnny 5, the sixth Replicant in Bladerunner)

      And Leo DiCaprio would be sodomized to death by mutant gorillas in the beginning of the movie as a minor character.

      Ah...Sweet revenge.

      --
      Microsoft Certified Expert in Solitaire bitmap manipulation, Mine detection in Win32 application enviroments, and Blue
  185. Planet of the Trolls? by hoss10 · · Score: 1

    ... with a different ending to the original ...
    Lets have a film where a few /. trollers eventually discover they are still posting to BBS's even though they think they are posting to some new fangled web based forum
    ------------------------------------------- ------
    "If I can shoot rabbits then I can shoot fascists" -

    1. Re:Planet of the Trolls? by absurd · · Score: 1

      Ingenious idea! I love it! Maybe the title could
      be something like 'Matrix of the Trolls'?

  186. Re:Hmmm: by ooky · · Score: 1

    Star Wars, while being one of my very favorite movies of all time, is not particularly original at all. It is often taught in middle school and early high school classes across the nation as an easily understandable and almost universally watched (although this may be changing - my little cousins were bored watching SW with me, the little heathens) example of the most common story line in western literature: the hero's journey archetype. I can still remember the graph teachers would draw on the board for us, up, peak, descent into hell of tribulations and conflict for hero (Luke or Han or Leia, it works pretty well with any or all of them being "the hero", turning point, often accompanied by "A DECISION", then usually more trials or upsetting things, then a conflict resolution and reward in some way for the hero, followed by a falling c\action ending or deneumont (sp?). But if it suprised you I'm glad, because that meant the story did its job well in this incarnation, which we all know : )

    I for one love Tim Burton and can't wait to see what sort of a darkly baroque visual "spin" he puts on this classic - that's what he's best at.

    -ooky

    "My namesake medallion / Says never trust a Hal 9000" - bboys

  187. Re:Burton... hmm... by ooky · · Score: 1

    I truly beg to differ - I found Edward Scissorhands, The Nighmare Before Christmas, and especially Ed Wood were all strongly visual yet fundamentally story/theme driven.

    --"We were lost in the bowels of Northern California for days and days. Well actually 11:30 to 12:30" - unknown source book called the "drug log"

  188. Tim doesn't do existing properties well... by Dylan+Northrup · · Score: 1

    The only Tim Burton film I enjoyed based on an existing property was the original Batman. Very moody, good story, great cast. But everything after that sucked. Batman Returns was horrid, Mars Attacks! was complete drivel and, given what I've read about Burton's abortive attempt at doing a new Superman film, I'm convinced that Tim Burton just doesn't get mainstream pop culture (which Planet of the Apes definitely falls into)

    --
    -- "We send more mail before 10am than most people do all day"
  189. BURTON SUCKS!!!!!!!!!! by Wolfpack+Commander · · Score: 1

    We all know what this movie is gonna suck already. Sure there will be loads of SFX, fantastic sound, all kinds of CGI...BUT there will no story, character development, or good writing. Such is common in modern movies.

  190. Varlet! by Raymond+Luxury+Yacht · · Score: 1

    Unhand that name!

    --

    Ceci n'est pas une sig.
  191. Ahhh... by Raymond+Luxury+Yacht · · Score: 1

    ...you're a penguin. I should have known.

    --

    Ceci n'est pas une sig.
  192. Right, your for it now! by Raymond+Luxury+Yacht · · Score: 1

    Herrings at 10 paces!

    --

    Ceci n'est pas une sig.
  193. Re:thought it was about evolution... by SethJohnson · · Score: 1

    Come to think of it, I think you're right. I guess the orangutangs just didn't want the other damn dirty apes to know that humans had once been advanced because of the path it eventually led them down (self destruction). I guess it also might have been because it would challenge their own beliefs about the supremacy of apes, which is a good parallel between the movie and the religious zealots who persecuted copernicus when he suggested the Earth wasn't the center of the universe and then went on to form large corporations who settled on WinNT as the standardized platform. I say, if those are the decisions they're going to make, then the third planet from the sun SHOULD be dead.

    --
    $5 / month hosted VPS on linux = awesome!
  194. thought it was about evolution... by SethJohnson · · Score: 1

    Hmmm... I always thought the film was about religious zealots who suppressed the scientific investigation of evolution. As in how Dr. Zeus didn't want anyone to dig in that cliff because they'd find out the monkeys evolved from humans..

    --
    $5 / month hosted VPS on linux = awesome!
  195. And your solution would be.....? by TuRRIcaNEd · · Score: 1
    So let me get this straight.....

    You're saying that evolution favours the strong, and advocating that theory on the grounds that we have a right to wipe each other out, and that to foster evolution we must systematically cull the gene pool. Hmmmmm... your argument seems to sit alongside the thought processes of a certain long-dead Austrian, who shall remain nameless.

    When does the need to kill stop? Who decides who lives and who dies? Who has the right to make that decision? I'd certainly feel very uncomfortable handing the future of humanity over to anyone who still divides people along race lines.

    Call me a tree-hugging hippie, I don't care. I'm logged in. I'm going to get moderated down for being OT. I don't care. I will state my point for the last time. NO ONE'S LIFE NEEDS TO BE TAKEN IN ORDER TO FURTHER EVOLUTION. That point I do care about. Humanity would not exist if strength alone was the criteria. And most extinctions in the world have been a direct result of Man over-culling, hunting and killing to extremes.

    FYI If geeks are naturally racist because they have never met a black person, 1. My flatmate is black (He's also a darned amazing classical musician/composer). My boss from last year is black. 3. The first girl I ever had a crush on is mixed-race.

    Guys like you make such a good case for the Anti-Free Speech brigade, it's amazing they haven't censored more.

    --
    - "How do we do it? Volume!" - The Bursar of Unseen University.
  196. Re:Hmmm by elthia · · Score: 1

    ((We all know the guy usually gets the girl, and the hero never dies.))

    Maybe not dies, but he doesn't always survive... intact. See the director's cut of Brazil.

    I did that for the first time at 2AM one night. I'd never seen the 'release' 'happy' version, so no prejudices... *shiver* I didn't sleep that night, and when I did the next night my dreams were WEIRD.

    I agree, however - the movies I remember the most are the ones I've seen only recently or the ones that touched me the most. Brazil, Bulworth (yeah, believe it or not, that one actually got to me), Wayne's World (ask a musician - I was laughing so hard my stomach hurt, partly because of the inside jokes), Matrix, and a whole load of others have stuck in my mind. I remember them. That's not to say I don't enjoy other things, like Monty Python or Tim Burton's usual work. It's just that those aren't the movies that hit the intellectual g-spot. It's got to mean something big to me, or it doesn't go deep into long-term memory.

    I don't know if Burton can do that with this one. We'll see.

    -Elthia
    don't ask.

  197. Yay! Politics! by lohen · · Score: 1

    Forgive my enthusiasm, but IMNSHO, we miss out on this wonderfully controversial topic far too much.

    Now I am somewhat disadvantaged on this topic by not having seen all of the planet of the apes films, but I think that you might have exaggerated a little. Yes, the politics were there, but that wasn't all there was to the films' philosophy. And anyway, I see nothing wrong with films being'animal-loving' (as long as bestiality isn't involved) because though it's a fairly limited variety of it, I myself am a supporter of environmental issues. And as for bigotry, I'm sorry to be rude, but look who's talking.

    --
    "What is freedom of expression? Without the freedom to offend, it ceases to exist." Salman Rushdie
  198. Re:Confirmation, http://us.imdb.com/Title?0133152 by GothChip · · Score: 1

    This movie is definately going to be a lot darker than the original. With Andrew Kevin Walker (Se7en, 8MM, Sleepy Hollow) writing the script, and Stan Winston doing effects.

    Now we just have to wait and see if Arnold Schwarzenegger is interested in rejoining the project.

  199. Re:Not exactly a remake... by Bieeardo · · Score: 1
    >Now a rubber hand-puppet chasing The Doctor - that's convincing!

    >Now be fair. The 1990s US-based Doctor Who was far superior, despite the obvious handicaps of cgi and a big budget. That's why it >did so well.

    I hope you were being facetious. Fox's Doctor Who was the most disappointing thing that I have ever witnessed. Killing off McCoy's Doctor in a random display of street violence? Come on-- letting him regenerate in his sleep (without the recycled Highlander Quickening F/X, thank you), or suffering a heart attack, or anything else would have been much better than that slap in the face they gave to one of the best Doctors. McGann was good, I will admit, but that awful "self-pitying-half-human/ooh!-a-potential-sex-part ner" subplot they threw in to get him attached to that lady surgeon (and to give her character an excuse to become his Companion) was ham-handed at best. I wish Hollywood would figure out that sex is not the only way to create tension between characters.

    --

    Five tons of flax.

  200. Man, I hope I don't get flamed by el_guapo · · Score: 1

    But Tim Burton's whole style results in movies that I just don't enjoy watching. I hope this remake doesn't end up ruining a series, that for some corny reason, I really enjoy....

    --
    mas cerveza, por favor politically incorrect stu
  201. Re:I want Troy McClure to star! by Nastard · · Score: 1

    "Oooh, rock me Dr. Zaius"

    :)

  202. The Planet Of The Apes meets Batman and Seven by ObligatoryUserName · · Score: 1

    This looks to be one dark film. Not only is it being directed by Tim Burton, but it looks like it was writen by Sam Hamm (the first 2 Batman Movies) and Andrew Kevin Walker (Seven).

  203. Re:Burton... hmm... by trott · · Score: 1

    FWIW, the French novella from which the movie took its name (author's name was Boulle, I believe) was even more "loudly metaphorical." In fact, it was heavy-handed social commentary. _Lord of the Flies_ has nothing on it for obvious symbolism. It was also less "story driven." No guns, no commentary on nuclear holocaust (at least that I can recall), none of that. In the book, human day-to-day life had become so mundane that apes could perform the same function, so they eventually just took over. This, of course, is probably even more wildly implausible than the movie version. But I get the impression that the author's intent was not believable sci-fi but, instead, biting social commentary. For example, scientists in the ape society (and, presumably, the human society that was its immediate predecessor) did no research. Instead, they read old tomes, rewrote what they read, and published that way. Personally, if I'm going to the movies, I'd rather see Charlton Heston yelling "It's a mad house!" while being sprayed with a high-powered hose than supposedly-weighty social commentary. Nonetheless, the original movie was so unfaithful to the book, I don't see any reason for a "remake" to tow a close line to the first movie.

  204. Re:Burton... hmm... by pallex · · Score: 1

    Yeah, i`ve yet to see a good Tim Burton film.

    Nice special effects, cartoony backdrops etc, but not very stimulating...which was (IMO) the whole point of planet of the apes - classic short story material.

    And wasnt the cheesy 60s batman with the rubber shark far more entertaining than Burtons one? (only my opinon, naturally...)

    Why do it again?

  205. elfman, elfman, oh please, oh please, pleeeze! by small_dick · · Score: 1

    oh how i love elfman and anything boingo, and most everything burton...i'm sorry about what happened with "sleepy hollow" but the reviews were so poor i didn't bother.

    oh man, i hope they have some good writers and do some freak ass stuff with the primates and homonids, coooooooooool, i'm jazzed.

    this almost cheers me up :-( been kinda burned out lately, oh well, back to my fscking taxes.

    here is a joke about taxes:

    It seems this fellow was sitting in a cafe, minding his own business when another fellow with a little boy sits at the table next to him.

    The boys father sips his coffee as the little boy plays with coins on the table. Inevitably, the little boy sticks one in his mouth and begins to choke. The boys father wrestles desperately with him trying the Heimlich maneuver.

    The first fellow gets up from his table, grabs the little boy by the testicles and twists them. The little boy coughs and spits the penny out onto the table.

    Astonished, and a bit perplexed, the boys father thanks the man and asks how he mastered that technique. The fellow shrugs and says he works for the IRS.

     [substitute "Revenue Canada" for IRS you 'nadians. :-)]

    --


    Treatment, not tyranny. End the drug war and free our American POWs.
    See my user info for links.
  206. He will create it dark of course... by Fiore2 · · Score: 1

    Let me guess, he will have no sunlight whatsoever.

  207. Re:Hmmm by Wraithlyn · · Score: 1

    This been confirmed anywhere else?

    Check out Coming Attractions, it's an amazing site with info about hundreds of upcoming movies. Their Planet of the Apes page confirms Tim Burton as Director, William Broyles as screenwriter, and Richard Zanuck as producer. Everything else seems to be up in the air.

    --
    "Mind, as manifested by the capacity to make choices, is to some extent present in every electron." -Freeman Dyson
  208. Millenial Planet of the Apes by Dungeon+Dweller · · Score: 1

    Somehow, this just doesn't seem to work in the modern cinema. I don't think that the original work would stand up to our wonderfully dumbed down generation.

    --
    Eh...
  209. Re:"Planet of the Apes", yeah we all know that cod by luckykaa · · Score: 1

    Okay, maybe I should have been ultra specific. I meant nobody in this thread is calling black people apes

    The film was not calling black people apes, as you seem to have stated.
    People pointed out that you were missing the point by pointing to evidence that the film was calling the ruling classes apes, and not black people.
    You responded as though it was defending the allegation. It was not. It was denying it outright, and providing evidence to back it up.
    I pointed out your mistake.
    You responded by repeating your origional allegation.

    Can I also point out that you are a hippocrite. You claim to dislike people stereotyping according to race. You then accuse Computer geeks of being racist. Do you mean to say that race prejudice is wrong, but other forms of prejudice are okay?

  210. Hope they completely change everything by luckykaa · · Score: 1

    If its a straight remake then this is totally pointless. The origional series of films has aged remarkable well.

    I want them to base it on one of the earlier concepts that had an advanced Ape race, with cities and skyscrapers.

    The other problem is that it has one of the most famous surprise endings ever.

    1. Re:Hope they completely change everything by luckykaa · · Score: 1

      Yes, I know it was signposted throughout the entire film. It was still meant to be a surprise. And I don't think anyone was actually expecting to see the Statue of Liberty even if they HAD worked out that it was Earth.

    2. Re:Hope they completely change everything by luckykaa · · Score: 1

      Okay, so it went downhill with the later films.

      Escape wasn't too bad. I'd call it dated at worst. Its just the 70's costumes and cars that make it look old.
      Conquest has the problem of being set in 1991. I seem to have missed the plague that wiped out all the cats and dogs in the world 9 years ago. Apart from that, it doesn't look too bad.

  211. Re:"Planet of the Apes", yeah we all know that cod by luckykaa · · Score: 1

    I think the point of everyone was that (at least in the first two films) they weren't calling black people apes. At the very worst they were calling black people humans, and white people apes. And even if you do make that interpretation then you're missing the point.

    The film was intended to mirror society. Amongst other things, the way those in power are frightened by changes to the status quo, and are willing to cover up the truth.

    Just what is the relationship to the Apes and black people? Did the apes exibit any stereotypical "black" behaviour? Were they being persecuted by the ruling class?

    Nobody's calling Black people Apes. If you look at the post that you were responding to, you'll see that the miliatary are being called gorillas, Polititians are being called orangutangs, and Scientists are being called chimps. And I don't object to being called a chimp either.

    And stop putting words into other peoples mouths.

  212. Re:Not exactly a remake... by luckykaa · · Score: 1

    I wish Hollywood would figure out that sex is not the only way to create tension between characters.

    And also that you don't need a car chase to provide action.

  213. So what? by fleckster · · Score: 1

    So what? It's just TIM BURTON! Sheesh! I don't see anything wrong with that. Nothing at all. ;-)

    --
    ............ no.
  214. Re:"Planet of the Apes", yeah we all know that cod by iainl · · Score: 1

    Err, you have noticed that you've accused someone of only stating opinion and claiming its fact shortly before saying that your opinion should be considered fact by all until you can personally accept any proof to the contrary?

    never mind; I honestly don't think this argument is going anywhere here.

    --
    "I Know You Are But What Am I?"
  215. You know... (somewhat OT) by Skald · · Score: 1

    I've always wondered: who thought sending three guys and one girl was a good reproductive strategy for this mission? Three girls and one guy, sure.

    --

    "The best we can hope for concerning the people at large is that they be properly armed." - Alexander Hamilton

    1. Re:You know... (somewhat OT) by Fishstick · · Score: 1

      Yeah, not much of a contingency plan when there's only one female and she gets the bad freezer. Duh.

      "Well, Taylor, _NOW_ what the fsck do we do?"

      "Do? I don't know about you two, bit I'm gonna scout around looking for hot babes in two-piece sheepskin outfits that can't speak. A couple months and I'll be _running_ this place!"

      --

      There is much cruelty in the universe, John.
      Yeah, we seem to have the tour map.

    2. Re:You know... (somewhat OT) by Skald · · Score: 2
      Yeah, not much of a contingency plan when there's only one female and she gets the bad freezer. Duh.

      Not to mention the fact that females reproduce serially, while males can reproduce in parallel. Serious performance bottleneck, even if she'd survived.

      --

      "The best we can hope for concerning the people at large is that they be properly armed." - Alexander Hamilton

  216. Re:Not exactly a remake... by Skald · · Score: 1
    Ah, you kids. If it's not done with cgi and a load of expensive special effects you just can't suspend your disbelief, can you?

    Sorry, that cgi stuff just doesn't convince me... something's too artificial; you can still tell.

    Now a rubber hand-puppet chasing The Doctor - that's convincing! Boy, sometimes I have to remind myself it's just television...

    --

    "The best we can hope for concerning the people at large is that they be properly armed." - Alexander Hamilton

  217. Re:Burton... hmm... by Skald · · Score: 1
    You must be easily amused as well.
    There's about two minutes of "story" in the original movie.

    Lol... you've a certain point, but I disagree. The plot's not elaborate, but the dialogue is important to building the character's positions, and, as I recall, rather concise.

    Concise being another thing Burton's never been.

    --

    "The best we can hope for concerning the people at large is that they be properly armed." - Alexander Hamilton

  218. Re:Not exactly a remake... by Skald · · Score: 1
    Now be fair. The 1990s US-based Doctor Who was far superior, despite the obvious handicaps of cgi and a big budget. That's why it did so well.

    I'm being facetious, of course... I love the old Dr. Who stuff, puppets and all. And I think you're dead on: a big budget is more often a handicap than a help.

    --

    "The best we can hope for concerning the people at large is that they be properly armed." - Alexander Hamilton

  219. Pierre Boulle rulez by Rufus+T.+Firefly · · Score: 1
    I saw the movie in the theatre when it was originally released. I was just a kid, but it left a powerful impression. Later, when I found the book, I read it and realized that the movie's surpise ending was only half the suprise that was masterfully revealed in Boulle's book. As usual, profundity that a book can capture rarely translates into a medium (cinema) that precludes reflection and minimizes abstract thought.

    It's a shame that many of Boulle's other books are not available to the US: The Whale of the Victoria Cross, Ears of the Jungle, etc. -- each book contains original and powerful ideas, cleverly executed and would provide Hollywood with a feast of ideas. But it would just be casting pearls before swine...

    (FWIW, I have stood on the Bridge on the River Kwai, about an hour or so west of Bangkok in the town of Kanchanaburi.)

  220. Hmmm by CiaranMc · · Score: 1

    Yahoo's hardly the best news source in the world.

    This been confirmed anywhere else?

    -Ciaran

    1. Re:Hmmm by Nastard · · Score: 3

      The story of Sleepy Hollow has been told before. I'm sure we all knew how Batman was going to end. Hell, the only movie I can think of offhand that has a really cool ending is Star Wars. Even after 16 years of avoiding the film, when I saw it, I was suprised. Even though I knew a few key points, just from pop-culture references.

      The point is, not all movies are made because they have a suprise ending. We all know the guy usually gets the girl, and the hero never dies. It's the films that mean something that matter. Films that touched us. Made us laugh. Made us cry. The classics. Remaking classics has always been a bit of a challenge for well-known directors. And it's always interesting to see the story from another point of view.

      I think a Burton putting a spin on this one just might be enough to make me cough up 7 bucks.

      Never mind the fact that he allowed the Batman franchise to be ruined and screwed over Kevin Smith

  221. Re:Not exactly a remake... by Tony+Ellis · · Score: 1

    Dear me, anonymous coward, did I touch a nerve? :-)

    Burton: good fun, not dark.
    True goth: nope.
    Rufus: eh? lost me completely there.

  222. Re:Not exactly a remake... by Tony+Ellis · · Score: 1

    it will probably be a lot darker than the original, which was in the main quite a bright and at least fairly cheery film despite the subject matter and the ending.

    The nuclear annihilation of the world as we know it was bright? The vivisection and stuffing of intelligent human beings was cheery?

    There's a world of difference between Burton's fluffy Hollywood-acceptable brand of psuedogothic, and "dark."

  223. Re:Not exactly a remake... by Tony+Ellis · · Score: 1

    :-)

    Ah, you kids. If it's not done with cgi and a load of expensive special effects you just can't suspend your disbelief, can you?

    Tries to remember the scene in which Kim Novak brings about the nuclear annihilation of the world as we know it. Fails.

  224. Re:Not exactly a remake... by Tony+Ellis · · Score: 1

    Now a rubber hand-puppet chasing The Doctor - that's convincing!

    Now be fair. The 1990s US-based Doctor Who was far superior, despite the obvious handicaps of cgi and a big budget. That's why it did so well.

  225. Planet of the Grapes? by aliastnb · · Score: 1

    This is the storyline that Tim Burton is going to use:

    The astronauts arrive on the planet only to find that there is no sign of any animal life at all and most of the plant life is grape vines. In exploring, they find themselves trapped in a glade, surrounded on all sides by the vines. Suddenly the floor gives way and they find themselves in an underground chamber containing a New York subway station containing a convenient nuclear super-warhead.

    Further exploration leads them to an area where they find the documents of a dying race, depicting how grapes were viciously enslaved in the production of a drink called "wine". One day, a vineyard decided it would have no more and killed it's masters. From that day on, the grapes took control of more and more of the world until they ruled it and one by one wiped out all other forms of life. In their panic, realising that this planet is Earth, one of the astronauts runs and trips over the supernuke, destroying the entire planet in the process.

    --
    Said it couldn't last, said it wouldn't last... This is the last stand against tomorrow's world.
  226. Re:I s'pose it's a lot easier by MrClean35 · · Score: 1

    My thoughts exactly...why, why, why????

    Hollywood can't bother with original ideas anymore....

    --
    -- mrclean
  227. Burton's casting by adoxograph · · Score: 1
    Does this mean we'll see Johnny Depp screaming "Damn you all to hell!"?

    --
    Build the mountain. Then climb it if you're bored.
  228. Oog's Opinion? by anywho · · Score: 1

    Let's get an opinion from s.o. in the know! What's Oog think of this? Maybe he can get hired as a creative consultant.

  229. music by danperkins · · Score: 1

    I don't know about you, but the music during the opening scene was the best part. ba da dum, bum *crash*

  230. Re:Confirmation, http://us.imdb.com/Title?0133152 by rwrannells · · Score: 1

    My understanding was the reason Arnold wanted to star in in the remake was that he was an extra in the origanal and wanted a shot at the lead.

  231. Re:But will it be accurate? by VanGoghsEar · · Score: 1

    I don't know...Roddy McDowell always struck me as being docily herbavorous.

    --
    "A facility for apt quotation marks the absence of original thought." -- Dorothy L. Sayers
  232. Pee Wee by hurqalya · · Score: 1

    Pee Wee's Big Adventure is fantastic in every way. It's visually Burton, with the comic genius of Phil Hartman and Paul Reubens. Plus that Danny Elfman soundtrack is unforgettable.

    --
    Hurqalya
  233. One of the concepts for the Remake by snafu666 · · Score: 1

    This is what was on Hollywood Stock Exchange (probably a little dated) "In the future, an alien race of apes penetrates Earth's orbit and sets upon the surface a virus that kills all human children. A group of scientists is recruited to research the ship and hopefully find a cure for this virus. However, after a thorough examination of the alien space vessel, the scientists are unable to ascertain the kind of virus it is or a cure for it. But they do find out something extremely important and terrifying-the ship and the virus were sent to Earth exterminate humankind." Sounds like its right up Burton's alley.

  234. Charleton? Charleton! by Firewire86 · · Score: 1

    "They changed the Plotline!! Damn you! Damn you all to hell!"

    Personally, methinks Tim Burton should redo "The Ten Commandments" instead, with Dreamworks...As a cartoon. Whaddya mean it's already been done?

    Er...How about BladeRunner?

    I think he might do a better job than Ridley Scott, and actually fix that sixth android.

    Whatdayya mean the sixth android's name is Johnny 5?

    --
    Microsoft Certified Expert in Solitaire bitmap manipulation, Mine detection in Win32 application enviroments, and Blue
  235. Mission to Mars by Mad+Man · · Score: 1

    Maybe Tim Burton can re-make Mission to Mars. But instead of the face artifact, the astronauts find a half-buried Statue of Liberty. "We've been searching on the wrong planet." And then Jerry O'Connel opens a portal to an alternate-dimension Mars which was once ruled by apes, while Gary Sinese joins the Martian exodus to the Vector Nebula...

  236. Useless statistics by Mad+Man · · Score: 1
    ...and the source for this false statistic is????

    I've heard 43-to-1 and 2.7-to-1 (usually rounded to 3), based on some articles by Dr. Arthur Kellerman, but 10-to-1 is new to me.

    Although Kellerman claimed something like "a gun in the house is 43 times more likely to kill a member of that household than an intruder," he failed to mention that people living in a home without a gun are 99 times more likely to be killed in that house than a burglar.

    See: Is My Own Gun More Likely to be Used Against Me or My Family?

    and this section of Dr. Edgar Suter's Guns in the Medical Literature: A Failure of Peer Review.

    A fatal shot with a semi automatic pistol is as likely to kill as a fatal shot with an automatic rifle

    Considering the definition of a "fatal shot," doesn't that go without saying?

  237. I've only got one thing to say. by Effugas · · Score: 2

    "Oh shit. There goes the planet."

  238. Astroboy? by acb · · Score: 2

    Wasn't Tim Burton going to direct the live-action Astroboy film? Will this be delayed or will it be directed by someone else?

  239. Hurry! by Chas · · Score: 2

    We've only got a short time!

    Everyone get into your apesuits!

    Oh. Wait. We did that already...

    Never mind.


    Chas - The one, the only.
    THANK GOD!!!

    --


    Chas - The one, the only.
    THANK GOD!!!
  240. I s'pose it's a lot easier by pwhysall · · Score: 2

    than having to go through all that tedious "having an original idea" stuff.
    --

    --
    Peter
  241. Re:Hmm... by lar3ry · · Score: 2

    If Charlton Heston plays Taylor again, I'd LOVE to see this line of dialogue:

    Dr. Zaius: Ridiculous, Taylor! Guns don't kill humans, APES kill humans!
    --

    --
    "May I have ten thousand marbles, please?"
  242. Lights! Camera! No Action! by Markvs · · Score: 2

    The problem with Burton is that he can't direct action sequences out of a paper bag.

    In my opinion, Sleepy Hollow's fight/action sequences were choppy, though better than earlier works such as Batman or Beetlejuice.

    Burton is good on visuals, especially those dark, neo-gothic celluloid moments. But I hope he farms out the action sequences, maybe to David Fincher, who did an awesome job with Fight Club.

    --
    46. The Hobo smiles, his eyes glaze over, and he burps. "Beware the man who has lived longer than the Wasteland."
  243. Depp rocks by Pope · · Score: 2

    Sure, just make sure Winona (drooool...) is in it, and I'm there!


    note: this post contains gratuitous references to Natalie Portman

    Pope

    --
    It doesn't mean much now, it's built for the future.
  244. Another remake?! by doggo · · Score: 2

    What the hell is wrong with Hollywood!? I am so sick and tired of remakes and obvious derivitives. It's so pathetic. Hollywood is drowning in cash and talent and they can't come up with an original screenplay once in a while? Good God, there must be a million hacks out there typing a way like gangbusters and they're going to remake Planet of the Apes?

    Why? WHY?!

    What, the original wasn't good enough?

    I say if you liked the original, boycott the remake. Tell Hollywood you've had enough.Don't waste your hard earned money on something you've already seen, and probably won't be as good as the original anyway.(Seriously, name a remake that was as good or better than the original. Hell name a movie version of a TV show that was better than the original.)

  245. They Might Be Giants by ChunkOChowder · · Score: 2

    Is TMBG gonna be on the soundtrack? They have a song for every Planet of the Apes movie ever made... If you wanna hear em, they are the "hidden" tracks on their live album, Severe Tire Damage. My personal fav is "Escape from the Planet of the Apes." Awww yeah.

    Eric

    --
    Make it idiot-proof and someone will build a better idiot.
  246. bulk starkness of original by Swordfish · · Score: 2

    It should be noted that the original Planete des Singes of Pierre Boulle in French featured a huge amount of nudity, and the star character experiences a lot of it at close quarters. Will the remake follow the book accurately? If so, it will not be able to be screened in the USA -- only France!

  247. Hmm... by Greyfox · · Score: 2

    Maybe he can get Charleston Heston for this one, too...

    --

    I'm trying to teach myself to set people on fire with my mind... Is it hot in here?

  248. Re:Risking OT moderation here, but...... by spiralx · · Score: 2

    Again, somewhat offtopic, but I'm originally from Welling, just down the road :) And my friend lived just a few houses down from the bus stop Stephan Lawrence was murdered at, and at least some of them definitely did it, because she knew a lot of the same people as them. But that'll never be proven now in a criminal court unfortunately.

  249. Re:Not exactly a remake... by Tuxedo+Mask · · Score: 2

    hey man, this is simply not a joking matter. i refuse to live in a house without stairs for fear of the daleks.

  250. Planet of the Apes is liberal propaganda by Tuxedo+Mask · · Score: 2

    This is a point which has bothered me for some time. Is Planet a true Marxist critique of colonial extremism, or a hyperreal rationalization of Malthusian diametrics? In this case, rather than examining Planet qua planet, it is more helpful to consider it a later parable with the confluence of pure Boltzmannian counting on the human spectrum. In this perception, the apes themselves other the ultimately deracinated Taylor (Charleton Heston), even as he others the "Planet" itself. Taylor becomes nothing more than a Maxwell's demon, taken together with the implied conflict(s) of so-called pure information. This false conflict is not resolved, but exists for itself with the proper metrics of entropy and free energy. This is shown most clearly in the movie when the doll accuses with the voices of the dead, and the Statue with none at all, belying the paradox inherent in his notion of free will. In the final scene, Taylor has at last subsumed accusation beyond the "real" world, showing allegorically that he intrinsically and unavoidably personalizes the reality of and for himself, as must all free beings. And indeed, this is both the first, and last, stern message of "Liberty" herself.

  251. Risking OT moderation here, but...... by TuRRIcaNEd · · Score: 2
    Right. Planet Of The Apes had practically NO racist agenda that I have ever seen (The worst offender here tends to be the earlier Disney movies, where every character is whiter than white, except the bad guys/comic relief). The whole central tragedy of the series (to me, at least)is that the apes were doomed to repeat the failure of their human predecessors by either deliberately or unwittingly adopting the worst aspects of human culture (Censorship and denial to promote the advancement of the few, usually those already in power, and blatant cronyism keeping it there). As you can see, from this viewpoint, the film still has relevance today, except the power in the real world has shifted from governments to multi-bilion dollar corporations. Not only that, but the original Apes movies packaged it in a way that children could understand, and I think, as the future of our species, they have a right to know things.

    Now, back to the 'geeks are naturally racist' comment. I am a geek. Possibly a nerd. I am also originally from Bexleyheath, in the south-east of England. For those who don't keep up on race issues internationally, not least have never heard of the horrible little town (not saying you should, just a bit of background info here), a few miles away, in Eltham, a black teenager was stabbed, by at least five white thugs. He was waiting at a bus stop on the road I walked down to get home from school. I have always been liberal, and vehemently anti-racist, but I made a point of joining every organisation I could to prevent this crap from happening again, against the 'advice' of the many bigots who live around the area. I signed up with the Anti-Nazi League, made donations out of the £20 I got a week for working on a flower stall, went on marches, the lot. Now, I'm not going for sainthood here, and I can't deny a level of ingrained prejudice against some groups, but I do my best to confront and destroy them, with the mantra that being a dickhead is not restricted to any colour, creed, caste or religion. I am prejudiced, yes, against violent people, bigoted people, and those who make others' lives a misery, but I am by no means racist, and, to tar geeks with a brush like that is either flamebait, in which case this rant was completely unnecessary, and should be moderated into a quasar, or one of the nastiest, most ill-informed assumptions I have ever seen.

    For what it's worth, it will be interesting to see what Burton does with '...Apes'. It would be cool to see a darker, slower-paced side to the tale.

    Sorry for the rant, but I do find ill-informed bigotry inexcusable, as it's a crime I perpetrate far too often.

    --
    - "How do we do it? Volume!" - The Bursar of Unseen University.
  252. Re:Burton... hmm... by Skald · · Score: 2
    I truly beg to differ - I found Edward Scissorhands, The Nighmare Before Christmas, and especially Ed Wood were all strongly visual yet fundamentally story/theme driven.

    I haven't yet seen Ed Wood (and I've been meaning to forever), but I thought both the other films meandered quite a bit. And I'd certainly say they were fundamentally visual. Though I liked them, mind you, story and all, and I hope I'm not appearing too harsh.

    We'll probably just have to agree to disagree here. I've always been struck with Burton's talent, but his movies never seem, to me, really polished, never quite perfect. I think he could really use an editor. I think the right team could take Burton's films to the next level... greatness. Sort of like what George Martin and Phil Spector did (IMHO) for the Beatles.

    Actually, you know an author whose work would be perfect for Burton to adapt? E.T.A. Hoffmann. Nutcracker and the King of Mice - the original, not the silly opera - would be a great Burton project. Dark, weird, somewhat offbalance itself, but compelling, and intensely visual.

    --

    "The best we can hope for concerning the people at large is that they be properly armed." - Alexander Hamilton

  253. Well heck... by Skald · · Score: 2
    How about "Planet of the Prosimians"? A society composed of Pottos, Bush-Babies, Tarsiers, Lemurs, Cifaks, Lemurs, Aye-ayes, Lorises...

    Zira: You wouldn't hurt me, would you Taylor?

    Taylor: *squish*

    --

    "The best we can hope for concerning the people at large is that they be properly armed." - Alexander Hamilton

  254. Script by Skald · · Score: 2

    Hey, I found the script of the original online!

    --

    "The best we can hope for concerning the people at large is that they be properly armed." - Alexander Hamilton

  255. Not exactly a remake... by MaestroSartori · · Score: 2

    Tim Burton will, I think, be making a completely different film. It may have the same story roughly, but given his approach to past films (namely the Batmans he directed, and more recently Sleepy Hollow), it will probably be a lot darker than the original, which was in the main quite a bright and at least fairly cheery film despite the subject matter and the ending.

    Be prepared for the Apes to profess an interest in darkened dungeons and torture chambers...

    --
    Game dev and music blog
    1. Re:Not exactly a remake... by Monte · · Score: 3

      The nuclear annihilation of the world as we know it was bright? The vivisection and stuffing of intelligent human beings was cheery?

      When done by Kim Novak in a monkey costume, yes.

  256. Where's the 'bullshit' moderation option? by ODiV · · Score: 3

    What I'm really concerned with is your claim that computer geeks are one of the most racist groups in society because they don't meet any black people.

    What about the computer geeks that are black people? They must have a hard time dealing with their ancestry versus their hatred of black people. (I'm being sarcastic)

    Or are you suggesting that black people can't be computer geeks? If this is the case, I'd have to wonder just who the racist is.

    I happen to believe that computer geeks don't care much about race. So maybe I'm a little idealistic. When we meet and discuss here on /. we don't ask what someone's ancestry is before we support or denounce their position. We judge people soley on their intelligence, accuracy, and writing skills.

    That's just my take on things.

    Just an aside: Maybe I'm in the wrong generation or country, but I have never heard of ape used to describe black people (I'm not doubting that this happenes, I've just never heard of it before).

    About this whole Planet of the Apes thing: I happen to like Tim Burton. I will definately re-watch some of his films for hints of racism though.

  257. Original story is much darker ... by threaded · · Score: 3

    Tim Burton usually does the stories much darker. If you read the original book (it's in French ho hum) it is very dark. The apes are much much further advanced than the humans, not so much the humans de-evolved as were overtaken.

    --

    threadeds blog

  258. articles detailing this films 'evolution'... by SethJohnson · · Score: 3

    This has dropped through so many hands so far. Glad to see Burton was able to get a hold of it.

    Here's a story about how James Cameron was going to do it.
    That article also mentions how Oliver Stone had been named as a possible director and Arnold Swarzanegger as the lead role. Now that Burton appears to be in charge, I would be very surprised if the Terminator was sent to dispatch all those damn hairy apes with a mini gun.

    --
    $5 / month hosted VPS on linux = awesome!
  259. Burton? by unitron · · Score: 4

    "Get your scissorhands off me, you damn dirty stinking ape!"

    --

    I see even classic Slashdot is now pretty much unusable on dial up anymore.

  260. But will it be accurate? by 0xdeadbeef · · Score: 4

    Planet of the Apes made use of popular preconceptions of the great apes that are wrong.

    Gorillas are docile herbavores. Chimpanzees are intelligent, but violent and warring. Orangatans are solitary. It would be a far more interesting movie if the ape society is extrapolated from the real dispositions of the apes.

  261. Burton... hmm... by Skald · · Score: 4
    I have to say, I have my doubts about Tim Burton and this film. He's one of those visual guys - almost strictly visual - and Planet of the Apes is very much story-driven.

    It wasn't really a movie which depended on creating an atmosphere; it was more cerebral than that. It was loudly metaphorical, and Taylor was more a abstraction than a character. He was Man. Or rather a facet of Man, distilled in such a way as to promote the writer's point. It was meant to be disturbing.

    And I just have a hunch Burton's going to miss a lot of that. Without replacing it with another metaphor, either. Burton's films lack discipline and direction. That can be okay if you're trying for a simple visual experience, but Planet of the Apes seems a poor choice for that.

    But then, I thing Lucas has similar problems (and talents), and I disliked The Phantom Menace for similar reasons... your mileage may vary. :-)

    --

    "The best we can hope for concerning the people at large is that they be properly armed." - Alexander Hamilton

  262. Confirmation, http://us.imdb.com/Title?0133152 by J-Tempte · · Score: 4

    checkout
    http://us.imdb.com/Title?0133152
    J-Tempte

  263. I want Troy McClure to star! by cluke · · Score: 5

    .. in a musical version!

    Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius!
    I love you Dr. Zaius!

    One of the funniest things I've ever seen.