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Football Team Blames Loss on Linux
jaxon_brooks writes: "I guess if you can't blame yourself, you gotta blame something?!?! 'Ravens (-7 1/2) at Browns: Ravens Coach Brian Billick faults last week's defensive breakdown on team's switch to Linux operating system.'" Maybe the team got caught up playing Same Game?
For the benefit of the humor-impaired, Norman Chad's weekly sports columns are very funny and almost completely fictional.
I guess this gives us a new take on the term "astroturfing", eh?
Sheesh, evil *and* a jerk. -- Jade
The writer's "comments" are all made up...the Ravens didn't blame Linux, the Cardinals did NOT have a satanic message, and Manning...well, maybe he DID have a jingle stuck in his head...
rm
Sci-Fi Storm
So, now we've got IBM and other big companies on Linux development, and those guys only know from golf! There they go, yapping about "enterprise Linux", and still they can't mount a good defense. Ah heck, we might as well go back to DOS. Now, there's an operating system with a strong offensive.
Bruce
Bruce Perens.
Did someone get out of bed the wrong side this morning? It's a silly, funny, throwaway article. Join in the fun!
If you were blocking sigs, you wouldn't have to read this.
What they meant was that they couldn't run any defensive "simulations" by playing Madden 2002. Doh!
-- Dan
They should have switched to FreeBSD! They might (would) have won then.
A real life BSD zealot.
grep -r linux http://*.*.???/ | http://slashdot.org/submit.pl
No wonder they lost, everyone knows know Linux and *BSD are designed for ice-hockey.. just ask Pittsburg and New Jersey.
They forgot how to perform the "Blue death" secret defense trick.
go bears! our work release convicts and out of work club bouncers are kicking ass! too bad when they cash them checks and start gobbling up the crack it will all end. or maybe not... richard dent used to mangle quarterbacks magnificently thanks to the miracle properties of cocaine!
(now for the not off-topic part and supports the main topic.)
the bears never lost a game because of Linux! (at least as far as we know.)thank you very much.
People, you're well aware at this point that the editors don't check the links in the articles submitted. Luckily, I managed to actually click on it before a lot of people saw the article. I'm warning you, don't click on it!
No, it's not a link to goatse, whatever sick bastard sent this in linked to a place far, far worse. Don't click!
I'm telling you, if you go there, you'll have horrible flashbacks to high-school gym! You'll get locker-induced claustrophobia all over again! It'll be like listening to everyone drone on and on about the latest game while you say nothing in order to disguise the fact that you didn't watch it! Yes, you're suspecting now so I'll just say it right out:
They linked to a sports site!
Run! Flee! Don't make the same mistake I did!!!
-Denor
i blame the need for my university to switch to a free operating system on the disproportinate budget of the football team.
"i was saying gnu-rd"
Dave Letterman can now blame the long lasting defeats of the "Fighting Cardinals" on Linux too
Heh.
He shouldn't have "open-sourced" the playbook. Doh!
Perhaps this indicates why one should take one's own advice and read the article rather than merely "search through" it. For anyone who's not totally humor-impaired, it was immediately clear that the entire article was made up for comic effect.
The Ravens coach didn't really blame Linux. OK?
Now, a lot of people are coming down on the editors for even posting this, but I'm not one of them. There are at least two good reasons for linking through to this artice:
The Mongrel Dogs Who Teach
That's what they get for changing players mid-season. Give Linux a chance to get used to the team and they'll see some outstanding numbers there.
Anyone know what the Satanic message in the film was? I heard it was "Outlook is awesome. Viruses and worms are our friends. Virus Basic Scripting (VBScript) RULES!!"
Coding Blog
Who the hell is moderating these days!? I swear, these people have had their funny bones surgically removed.
chuckle.
/.ers got that though
wonder how many
La via sola al paradiso incommincia nel inferno
This actually will be a good thing in the long run because it will help the average consumer feel that Linux is catching on among those that he/she can relate too.
He's gotta be back. That makes no sense.
This
What the fuck is football?
instead of that moneygrabbing monopoly that is Linux! The FreeBSD dæmon would also make a better mascot! :-)
I know it, and you know it, Linux is evil!
.. wait, I might have got something wrong here, but since the post is about a sports page, I have a hard time relating to it. Ah, now I remember, it is Micro$oft that is evil.. almost slipped there...("note to self: M$ is evil not Linux, Linux=good").
I believe that's "...pigs and commies..."
A gaggle of cheerleaders in Tux costumes.
You win again, gravity!
If they convert their offence and defence code to GPL. We can grab the source and make some patch.
But uh oh, if code became GPL their competitors can download the source and learn their innovated tactics.
[My english is better than most other people's Turkish, so please point out mistakes politely. Thank you.]
obviously he's referring to the possibility that someone hacked this sports news site to say something it shouldn't have... c'mon people. Friends don't let drunk friends moderate.
I can see it now.
Press: Coach, what happened in the game today?
Coach: Well, it's really quite simple: our offense sig faulted and the defense was running Nautalis (see previous story).
Maybe it was the switch to Linux. Here is one possible scenario:
The defensive coach's wife might have washed his lucky socks. He was busy learning how to use the new software, so he didn't know it was happening. Next thing you know, it's game day, and the socks have lost their magic. It's a tragedy.
Their half time routine consisted of poor marching (if you could call it that) and jokes over the stadium PA. This was way back when the Pentium division bug was in the news.
On the speaker a voice announced, "Todays half time scores brought to you by pentium, Virginia 14.00421, TCU 3.10002"
That really was the best part of the game...
I heard of your problems using Linux to run the defense team of our native Baltimore Ravens. I am intrested on how you got the entire defense to run Linux in their brains instead of their native operating wetware, and am willing as a Linux sysadmin to help correct the line teams mistakes. Please contact me through my website. --Kelly "STrRedWolf" Price.
--
# Canmephians for a better Linux Kernel
$Stalag99{"URL"}="http://stalag99.net";
Most things in there are done for humor, I don't think the Linux quote is any different.
-- Any comments seen here are not mine, but a mixture of alchohol and lack of sleep.
Just further proof that geeks and football jocks don't mix well together.
Yeah, but Dat's some fine H2O...
<dry-heave
A coworker once observed that, while some people spend their break time looking at sports stats and reading sports drivel on the web, the Linux geeks among us wasted break time reading netcraft stats and reading pro- and anti- linux drivel on the web.
To paraphrase Umberto Eco (paraphrasing Marx): Slashdot has replaced spectator sports which previously replaced religion as the opiate of the masses.
Its the demons I tells ya! The demons! The open source community ships dozens of these little devils per Linux, Hurd and BSD distro. It was just a matter of time before the less tech savvy community noticed our little satan-worshipping plot and brought us to account for it!
We should issue a promise to the NFL that the next Linux distro they recieve will be demon-free. Then they'll stop complaining via email.
"Look at me, I invented the stove!" -- Ben Franklin
Okay, so she could beat the tar out of Linus, but could she beat the gzip, bzip2, and compress out of him? [rimshot]
Nathan
There'd be a thousand posts explaining why it made sense and predicting imminent domination of NFL systems by you-know-what!
As a once Baltimore Colts fan (until Irsay stole them), and now Ravens fan, I have to say this is the lamest excuse I've ever heard.
Fact was, Bret Favre of the Packers went crazy last week with one of those career games. Unless Ray Lewis hit Favre over the head with a large, disk laden, CPU, it is unlikely that any operating system would have stopped him.
healyourchurchwebsite.com - WWJB?
I know. I also know that it's pronounced `ee polee,' not `hoy poloy.' However, in the Anglicised usage, it is pronounced that way, and it is used as a two-word collective noun, which may take an article. Awful silly, ain't it?
It's good information for all the (undoubtedly many, as usual) people who didn't even read the article, and are just coming to post :)
Yes! That guy!
Is their anybody else out there who thinks that the Baltimore football team should get the 'Colts' name back? Maybe they could convince the Indiana owners to trade names...
"Anyone that has ever gotten an idea based on any of my work and done something better with it-good for you."--J.Carmack
Sorry, that's a 3-time women's karate world champion. Even more depressing.
______________
OTTERS RULE.
Ravens...Poe...Baltimore... trading names would make it even sillier than it is now
Although it's hard to imagine a sillier situation than the whole Colts/Browns/Ravens/"new" Browns saga.
I'm with you on the Colts name, however - I don't think pro sports leagues should allow teams to keep their names when they move - I mean, c'mon - Utah "Jazz"? Maybe they should incorporate the sarcastic quote marks on the jerseys. Then I would buy into the whole Utah "Jazz" thing. At least some teams these days do seem to be more into changing their identity in addition to their location - anyone remember the poor hartford whalers?
Ravens (-7 1/2) at Browns:
Go Browns! -7.5 my tuckus...