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LinuX-Mas Caroling We Shall Go
smudge writes "Don't let the economy get you down
this holiday season. Bring up a screen saver of a fireplace, grab a hot mulled Mountain Dew and check out
these holiday classics, rewritten with a tech spin, from LinuxWorld.com."
chestnuts roasting by an open aafire.
comment directly in my journal
My eyes hurt after reading those. Couldn't slashdot have linked to the Onion or someplace good instead?
...another pedestrian attempt at holiday humor!
How lame slashdot is getting. Not to the losers that "geeks" are. You don't see mechanics coming up with lame ripoffs of songs to suit their particular profession, nor anyone else.
LAME!
Great, geek humor... This stuff always makes me break out in a rash. A roomful of nerds singing these lyrics would be my definition of Hell.
But the 'Lock out your freedoms' one was cool! :)
"...Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam..."
And a Merry Christmas to you too!
Ummm. No thanks.
Best Slashdot Co
They forgot the old standard of Twas the night before implementation.
Fight Spammers!
had the first carol not been MS bashing. Technology infighting and OSS vs. the World makes Baby Jeebus Cry. :)
Bring On The Egg Nog!
If we don't fight for ourselves no one will.
Since suicides peak around the holidays!
Those songs weren't really that great. There's something missing - maybe it's cleverness?
That's my opinion.
If tits were wings it'd be flying around.
this reminds of User Friendly, only with more suckage and less humor.
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells
RMS smells...
... Christmas carols sing YOU!
That was the nerdiest thing I've read all week.
But it's no match for these
Run!
and find all of your license files!!
HallmarkOrnaments.Com
In Soviet Russia, this would be about as funny as Natalie Portman running a beowolf cluster of Hot Grits.
Well...somebody had to say it.
BSD Lives 4EVER DUDE!
You better watch out
You better not cry,
"I don't know where all my licenses lie!"
Microsoft is coming to town
You paid for it list,
You paid for it twice;
You paid even more for legal advice.
Microsoft is coming to town
They know when you run Windows
They know when you use Word
They treat a loyal customer
Like a lying, thieving turd.
With auditing threats
In letters that come
Their lawyers will have you reaching for Tums
Microsoft is coming to town
Bill's desperate now
There's no time to play
He's casting dot-Net to drag in your pay
Microsoft is coming to town
They offer a solution
When you are left in tears
Just sign here on the bottom line
And subscribe for fifty years!
Oh, you should have watched out
Gave Linux a try
Now licensing six is bleeding you dry
Microsoft is coming to town
Microsoft is coming to town!
REAL bad.
My Ass hurts.
These types of things are only mildly amusing when they are done well.
And suffice it to say, these were not even mildly amusing.
when slashdot has to post the crap from other sites instead of double-posting.
And here I was, thinking this was about going Christmas caroling and handing out Linux CDs on the way...
I can think of at least a few people who ought to be getting coal in their stockings for this....
"Quoting famous computer scientists out of context is the root of all evil (or at least most of it) in programming." - K
They did a hilarious version of "Oh Holy Nights" that went something like "Oh Modem Lights"
Here's the link... I kept this as my desktop wallpaper long after christmas was past.
Oh Modem Lights
Even if a man chops off your hand with a sword, you still have two nice, sharp bones to stick in his eyes.
Why don't you guys just post the same stories you had on April 1? They didn't work on that holiday, might as well try them for this. And they can't be any less funny than these songs.
This is news for nerds. Sing these and get stigmatized as nerd forever.
- El riesgo siempre vive - Private J. Vasquez
how about one to the tune of "Driedel Driedel Driedel"?
Modular Redundancy--Because 4 out of 5 Nodes agree
"The jerk store called. They're running out of you"
but they caroled ME one year - I'm taking a shower, expecting my wife to get home so we can go to dinner, and the doorbells rings, so I race downstairs, open the door totally naked, and these geek carolers are standing there PETRIFIED. They have this look on their face like I just spilled hot oatmeal down my pants, and I hurried to cover Mr. "I've been taking a cold shower, really".
Caroling is obnoxious anyway.
They should call them GNU/Carols!
"Quoting famous computer scientists out of context is the root of all evil (or at least most of it) in programming." - K
It's bad to post editorials with spelling and grammatical errors, but it's just about inexcusable to post parody songs that don't match the beat. As I read them, humming the old tunes, I wasn't able to find a single one that fit right.
People, is it really that hard to count syllables?
Jingle Bells
Bill Gates smells
AOL laid an egg
The Tux mobile,
lost its wheel
and WorldCom got away!!
HallmarkOrnaments.Com
"Netscape, Netscape, Netscape
Where are you today?
You ran into Billy,
And he monop'lied you away!"
Well, what do you expect off the top of my head? Jeez, I'm not even Jewish...
better !cry
better watchout
lpr why
santa claus <north pole > town
cat /etc/passwd >list
ncheck list
ncheck list
cat list | grep naughty >nogiftlist
cat list | grep nice >giftlist
santa claus <north pole > town
who |grep sleeping
who |grep awake
who |egrep "bad|good"
for (goodness sake) { be good }
No, Thursday's out. How about never - is never good for you?
Like a lying, thieving turd.
After listening to my wife (who's a senior buyer for a large-ish defense contractor) relate the woe that was having to sit through *an entire day* with Microsoft reps so they could explain to her what MS's new licensing schemes were going to do to her company, I'd say that line above just about sums it up. They were pretty nasty, it seems, and had a "we don't care how much you've bought in the past" attitude.
I showed her Open Office even, and she liked it. But using it wasn't an option, since the head of their IT department acts like he wants to climb in bed with Bill Gates and try to have his children. I guess they decided to lay off more people and pay up, the poor dumb bastards.
I'm going to forward her the link so she'll have something to make her day go by faster...
-B
Ash and Hickory, straight-grained and true, make excellent bludgeons, dandy for the cudgeling of vegetarians.
I posted "Bill Gates is frightful",
and I got a "+1 Insightful",
So if you've no place to go,
log on and troll, log on and troll, log on and trooooll!
Thank you very much.
This makes me want to go Xmas caroling.
Does anyone know where Rep. Kirk (R-IL)
lives? Care to join me?
Khlaukhalash cartman: Mountain Dew, and Crab Juice.
Homer: Ewwww! Eeeesh! Yuck! I'll take a crab juice!
Really. That was far beyond stupid. Whoever wrote that should be ashamed of themselves. Slashdot should be ashamed for linking to it. Whoever submitted it should be shot.
------------
Read-singing those songs has really got me in the Christmas spirit. The only question I have is where is the official Slashdot Christmas party going be this year? Also, what's the dress..casual?
Thanks and Merry Christmas.
Airrage.
"This isn't a study in computer science, its a study in human behavior"
ummm. something something...
Best Slashdot Co
What holiday?
According to Dictionary.com, smegma is "A sebaceous secretion, especially the cheesy secretion that collects under the prepuce or around the clitoris."
I found something bizzar on ModernHumorist this morning - "If poets wrote poems whose titles were anagrams of their names" (Like "Toilets", by T.S. Elliot) - just be sure to check out the one by William Shakespeare ;)) The Dickenson one too - somebody put some work into those.
try { do() || do_not(); } catch (JediException err) { yoda(err); }
Oh man, just what I needed to perk me up on a Thursday afternoon. I think my favorite has to be "Microsoft is coming to town." Funny because it's true!
Karma: Good (despite my invention of the Karma: sig)
Reminds me of the musical of Ronny Dobbs from Mr. Show where the wife is singing the song about being beaten.
British Director Guy: "Well we wanted to capture all of our smoldering hate for Microsoft and our total disgust for the erosion of our freedoms in a Jolly Jingle!"
Those still sucked.
"My God...It's full of ads!" -Fry, about the Internet, Futurama
An anti-MS rant, anti-America rant, a whine about unemployment.. All paraded around on whats supposed to be a respectable linux 'news' site.
Thing is, people like my boss see this, and I can't even mention that I use linux in my home network router because they'll just assume that I'm using it for anti-corporate hippie reasons.
Meh.
They aren't even clever. I'll write one on the fly:
Jiggle Bells!
Linux smells!
GNU is teh cheese!
Gnome and gimp's
Users are limp!
A Beowulf cluster of these!
I don't need no instructions to know how to rock!!!!
I can't think of a worse "cause" to graft onto Christmas Carols than free software. Get a life, will you people.
Josh Winslow
A friend who's dad worked for Pepsi said that one of the tastiest drinks was Dr. Pepper, fresh out of the kettle, before it's cooled down.
I haven't had the opportunity to heat up some Dr. P. in the microwave yet, but I'm certainly curious.
Anyone else tried this?
Tuus crepidae innexilis sunt.
Please don't let my boss read these... Otherwise we'll all be singing these tomorrow morning! :(
$ better /nopout /nocry /watchout /input=north pole /output=town
/output=nogift.lis /outuput=gift.lis /input=north pole /output=town
/interactive/output=users.lis
$ better
$ print why
$ santa_claus
$ mcr authorize
list
exit
$ analyze/rms_file/check sysuaf.lis
$ analyze/rms_file/check sysuaf.lis
$ search sysuaf.lis naughty
$ search sysuaf.lis nice
$ santa_claus
$ show user
$ search users.lis sleeping
$ search users.lis awake
$ search users.lis bad
$ search users.lis good
$ loop:
$ be good
$ if goodness_sake then $ goto loop
(DCL port courtesy of James Dishaw.)
doesn't aim have a voice in feature? aim some random person and sing till they block you, spread the holiday cheer!
At least the war on the environment is going well
and you all wonder why you got beat up so much in high school?
We've needed more material for Stallman to sing! Maybe we can get a Stallman-Shatner duo going.
I'm trying to teach myself to set people on fire with my mind... Is it hot in here?
I find it offensive that you refer to Christ's Mass using the derogatory terminology "X-Mas". And, even worse, you append "X-Mas" onto the end of Linux, as if to imply that Linux is somehow on equal footing with Our Lord Jesus Christ or the celebration of His birth from the Virgin Mary.
Am I the only one here who feels that the zealotry of Linux users in this forum has evolved into IDOLATRY and DISRESPECT for Jesus Christ the Only Son of GOD?
I, for one, prefer Macintosh to Jesus, but what do I know? I'm a gay black socialist Muslim with a severe physical handicap living in Costa Rica.
Christmas does sort of have an X in it, doesn't it... and we all know that anything with X in it is related to Unix.
Follow me on this for a second, the X in "Xmas" stands for christ and the X is also the part that relates to Unix so Unix must have a very close corolation with the son of God. Just as I suspected. Unix is a religion.
All through SOVIET RUSSIA, twas Christmas before the night,
/. user is more like your brother
Not a controller was stirring, not even a mouse;
The CAT5 was hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that broadband soon would be there;
The friendly geeks were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of CowboyNeal danced in their heads;
And Taco in his 'kerchief, and Cliff in his cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
When from my PC there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to Mozilla I flew like a flash,
Tore open my browser, and surfed to the Slash.
The news on the main page was new, I could boast..
I could post within 20 seconds 'FIRST POST!!'
The headline was 'Programmer caught in infinite loop.'
Doh! Just another of Taco's damn dupes.
'First Post!!' typed, I was beaming with pride,
I hit Submit, and then nearly cried
Someone had beat me, and what did they say?
"Stephen King dead at 53" today!
We may complain and bitch at each other
But every
Than if you read CNN or Fark or The Knot
And it's exactly what all other communities are not.
mogorific carpentry experiments
..if Pepsi only actually made Dr. Pepper. Last I checked, it was a Coke product. Perhaps a brain-fart you had?
Geek used to be a four letter word. Now it's a six-figure one.
One of the comments from the linuxworld site is pretty funny. ------------ Anonymous Unregistered Not Funny 12/19/02 12:06 PM Edit post Edit Reply to this post Reply One time I saw two guys kissing in the park, and that was the gayest thing I had even seen until I read these. I wouldn't like to meet the person that would be entertained by this lame attempt at humor.
This is left as an exercise for the reader.
Or are the rantings against these songs a little much? So you didn't think they were funny: fine. When you consider what gets up to +5, Funny sometimes you'd think there'd be some pretty low standards regarding humor around here ;)
I'd suggest you don't use Slashdot as your only news source, or you will suffer permanent brain damage.
Bill Gates?
For God's sake someone PLEASE take away these guys glasses egg nog!
I know I'm gonna get modded troll for this, but there is one major reason I've never spent the time and effort to learn about linux. It's major supporters are always negative. It's always Microsoft is bad, RIAA is bad, that making money off of labor is bad. Heck, even apple users extol the virtues of their OS more often then knocking Microsoft, and if apple released Macos for PC architecture, I'd give it a shot.
Seriously, anyone singing these christmas parodies near my door gets an iced snowball to the grill.
"Inattention makes clowns of us all" -Bean
We three pings of internet fame,
dodging trolls and slashdot flame,
servers seeking, responses testing,
Proving the servers down!
Oh, oh, oh!
Poor 'lil server,
Melted server,
Slashdoted now you burn bright!
You can have it fast, accurate, or pretty. Pick any 2.
'T'was the night before christmas in the back of my house
/mbr, struck enter with a bash.
my machine was not working, not even the mouse;
The computer had hung, I cried out with dispair,
"Why, why windows? Who the hell put it there?"
The screen was all frozen, the ping response dead,
Died once again? Something had to be said,
"They still haven't fixed this? I should give Bill a slap,
I've lost all my work, I'm fucking sick of this crap!"
Restarting the machine, it refused to come up,
Non-System disk or disk error, this really does suck.
I grabbed my boot floppy, stuck it in with a rattle,
I'll yet fix this thing, though it may be a battle.
Up came my prompt, see-colon-back-slash,
fdisk
whir-whir-whir done, I hope this is it,
This inferior software has given me the shits.
I reset the sick beast, waited for it to boot,
Windows splash screen came up, then the desktop with a toot.
Illegal operation, this program will shut down,
"Mother @#%king @&@#( @#&*", the computer powered down.
Oh dear oh dear me, what am I to do?
From the corner of my eye I catch sigh of GNU.
Well what have we here? A free o/s et al?
"Hmmm," I think, "I'll give it a go."
And so on an impulse I take up the dare,
With an optimistic feeling I load this Slackware.
From fdisk to setup to install to reboot,
I quiver from excitement and nervousness too.
It looks like it's done and has finished its reboot,
What do I do now, and what the hell is this 'root'?
I spy on the shelf a helpful little gem,
I grab 'Slack for beginners' and rtfm.
Tentatively but deftly I tap out commands,
Satisfied that it works I denounce microsoft's plan,
"You'll never prevail so long as I am around!,
You, Mr Gates, are nought but a clown!".
Through study and trial, error and progress,
I make use of what at first seems such a mess.
I work hard and learn how it all fits together,
I'm no longer led at the end of my tether!
"Now, BitchX! now, Emacs! now, X and Blackbox!
On, Eterm! on, Star Office! on, Gimp and Netscape!
All hail Linus Torvalds! All hail Larry Wall!
Stop what you're doing, just go and install!"
Never a bigger evangeliser have you seen,
Than the form of myself when I let out this scream,
"Don't use that nasty, proprietary shite,
it's not yet too late to install Linux tonight!"
And so with this tale my experiences I recount,
I hope from his story you learn something profound,
In Redmond you will find only trouble and dispair,
The true answer lies in Open Source Software!
The sooner you get carted off to jail for assault, the better.
I made the mistake of putting some Red Hat CDs under the tree last year. Now RMS won't leave me alone, he keeps trying to get me to call it GNU/Christmas.
This is what I get for being such a cheapskate...
-JDF
I really recommend against this.
:)
:)
No seriously, back when I was much younger I decided to see what would happen if you had hot Coca Cola. I mean you have hot tea, hot apple cider, etc, and so why not? It tasted bad on the first sip, the second almost made me have to run to the toilet. Just say no
(Yes, I _really did_ try it in one of my moments of bad judgement...
Cryptic Allusion - New Mac and Dreamcast Games!
On the first day of code-freeze, my -hackers gave to me:
A bad patch in the src/ tree.
On the second day of code-freeze, my -hackers gave to me:
Two flamewars, And a bad patch in the src/ tree.
On the third day of code-freeze, my -hackers gave to me:
Three bikesheds, Two flamewars, And a bad patch in the src/ tree.
On the fourth day of code-freeze, my -hackers gave to me:
Four broken worlds, Three bikesheds, Two flamewars, and a bad patch in the src/ tree.
On the fifth day of code-freeze, my -hackers gave to me:
Five fairings,Four broken worlds, Three bikesheds, Two flamewars, And a bad patch in the src/ tree.
On the sixth day of code-freeze, my -hackers gave to me:
Six cores a-dumping, Five fairings, Four broken worlds, Three bikesheds,Two flamewars, And a bad patch in the src/ tree.
On the seventh day of code-freeze, my -hackers gave to me:
Seven ports a-breaking, Six cores a-dumping, Five fairings, Four broken worlds, Three bikesheds, Two flamewars, And a bad patch in the src/ tree.
On the eighth day of code-freeze, my -hackers gave to me:
Eight floppies filling, Seven ports a-breaking, Six cores a-dumping, Five fairings, Four broken worlds, Three bikesheds, Two flamewars, And a bad patch in the src/ tree.
On the ninth day of code-freeze, my -hackers gave to me:
Nine diffs conflicting, Eight floppies filling, Seven ports a-breaking, Six cores a-dumping, Five fairings, Four broken worlds, Three bikesheds, Two flamewars, And a bad patch in the src/ tree.
On the tenth day of code-freeze, my -hackers gave to me:
Ten mirrors crashing, Nine diffs conflicting, Eight floppies filling, Seven ports a-breaking, Six cores a-dumping, Five fairings, Four broken worlds, Three bikesheds, Two flamewars, And a bad patch in the src/ tree.
On the eleventh day of code-freeze, my -hackers gave to me:
Eleven snapshots failing,
Ten mirrors crashing,
Nine diffs conflicting,
Eight floppies filling,
Seven ports a-breaking,
Six cores a-dumping,
Five fairings,
Four broken worlds,
Three bikesheds,
Two flamewars,
And a bad patch in the src/ tree.
On the twelfth day of code-freeze, my -hackers gave to me:
Twelve PRs opening,
Eleven snapshots failing,
Ten mirrors crashing,
Nine diffs conflicting,
Eight floppies filling,
Seven ports a-breaking,
Six cores a-dumping,
Five fairings,
Four broken worlds,
Three bikesheds,
Two flamewars,
And a bad patch in the src/ tree.
-- sorry about the sucky formatting, it wouldn't allow it any other way
I just heard some sad news on talk radio - Horror/Sci-Fi author Stephen King was found dead at his Maine residence this morning. Apparently, Mr. King was decorating his house with Christmas lights when the ladder he was standing on broke, sending him on a 20-foot fall to the ground. As it happens, there was an old well directly underneath where Mr. King was decorating, which he fell into, landing in about eight inches of liquid water. Unfortunately, the string of electric lights that Mr. King was hanging went with him and hit the water as well, electrocuting him instantly. To make matters worse, a plastic Santa Claus that Mr. King had on the lawn also fell in the wall, bonking him on the head.
I'm sure he will be missed by the Slashdot community - even if you didn't enjoy his work, there's no denying his impact on the current crisis in Venezuela. Truly an American icon.
I mean, what's theistic about Christmas if you only take part in the secular traditions? I'm an atheist, and I enjoy hanging wreaths and lights and putting up a tree (white pine ... mmmmmm) and buying gifts and all that. (Well, the shopping can be a pain in the ass, but that is neither here nor there.) You don't have to buy into any of the supernatural garbage associated with Christmas through the ages (Christians do not have a monopoly on religious celebrations at the end of December!) in order to have fun at Christmas.
Christmas is primarily a secular holiday these days anyway, like President's Day.
if it's a copyright violation. :-(
:-(
Where I live, it's not legal to make a public performance of a work under copyright. There are exemption for charitable purposes, or religious worship.
"Traditional" christian carols are legal (religious), but secular songs such as "Frosty the Snowman" or "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" aren't. Go freedom of expression.
--
AC
http://bbspot.com/News/2002/12/santa_linux.html
Many more nerdly songs, including festive holiday-related ones, are collected in The Internet Songbook .
Deck Slashdot with duplicate stories
fa la la la la la la la la
They should fire the uber monkeys
Fa la la la la la la la la
CowboyNeal is going senile
Fa la la, La la la, La la la
goatse.cx is quite vile
Fa la la la la la laaa laaaaaa laaaaaaaaaa!
Try Hot Dr. Pepper!
I am told that they really pushed hot Dr Pepper as a replacement for coffee back in the 50's 60's or 70's(Can't Remember). You could also add a little lemon to it. I tried it once unique taste. Maybe some of you old timers remember this.
Oh what fun it is to cluster twenty PDA!
(OK, I got nothing)
Trolls lurk everywhere. Mod them down.
Call it CHRISTMAS for Christ's sake! Chanukkah is over and Ramadan is long over. Cut the politically correct crap and just say Christmas! You're probably offending more people by abstaining from saying Christmas than you would by saying it anyways.
Guess that Free Software is inherently political. If you don't like it, tell your boss that Slashdot != Linux... It's not even "respectable"... whatever the fuck you think that means.
Perhaps you should find a "respectable" Linux site, and stick with it.
Make sure everyone's vote counts: Verified Voting
Twas the night before Christmas, and deep in IE
A creature was stirring, a vulnerability
MS02-066 was posted on the website with care
In hopes that Team eEye would not see it there
But the engineers weren't nestled all snug in their beds,
No, PNG images danced in their heads
And Riley at his computer, with Drew's and my backing
Had just settled down for a little PNG cracking
When rendering an image, we saw IE shatter
And with just a glance we knew what was the matter
Away into SoftICE we flew in a flash
Tore open the core dumps, and threw RFC 1951 in the trash
The bug in the thick of the poorly-written code
Caused an AV exception when the image tried to load
Then what in our wondering eyes should we see
But our data overwriting all of heap memory
With heap management structures all hijacked so quick
We knew in a moment we could exploit this $#!%
More rapid than eagles our malicious pic came --
The hardest part of this exploit was choosing its name
I love Christmas. The snow, the cold, the warm clothing, the frozen creeks/rivers/ponds, snowed-in houses. Just keep Jesus Christ out of my Christmas. I enjoy taking my kids down to the mall to see their favorite Santa Clause and ask him what they want in their wrapped boxes and socks. It's a joyful time of the year. I enjoy carolling with my fellow neighbors and not one of us mention Jesus and it is so wonderful. Jesus has nothing to do with Christmas, we are the ones who enjoy it and not Jesus. Keep that bleeding-cross nonsense away from my Christmas tree because it's all a deception. I am dedicated to my job and my country, and I always look forward to my two weeks off work durring the coldest month of the year just so I can spend time with my significant other. We are homosexual and have kids and if you don't like it, you may stay out in the cold like everyone else. Christmas is the time of *giving* and *sharing* with eachother, not for doing work Jesus Christ was doing. Yippee! I love how the romans celebrated Christmas and their cool mythology novels of how their greek gods celebrated were attributes to art and culture I love supporting durring my Christmas. Balogne religion such as Christianity is what decays everyone from having a fun and erotic Christmas.
*ahem*
Internet Explorer's Recently Discovered PNG Deflate Heap Corruption Vulnerability
Twas the night before Christmas, and deep in IE
A creature was stirring, a vulnerability
MS02-066 was posted on the website with care
In hopes that Team eEye would not see it there
But the engineers weren't nestled all snug in their beds,
No, PNG images danced in their heads
And Riley at his computer, with Drew's and my backing
Had just settled down for a little PNG cracking
When rendering an image, we saw IE shatter
And with just a glance we knew what was the matter
Away into SoftICE we flew in a flash
Tore open the core dumps, and threw RFC 1951 in the trash
The bug in the thick of the poorly-written code
Caused an AV exception when the image tried to load
Then what in our wondering eyes should we see
But our data overwriting all of heap memory
With heap management structures all hijacked so quick
We knew in a moment we could exploit this $#!%
More rapid than eagles our malicious pic came --
The hardest part of this exploit was choosing its name
Derek Soeder
Software Engineer
eEye Digital Security
Link to source
Beware: In C++, your friends can see your privates!
Microsoft Poem XP
This poem may not be copied.
This poem may not be sold.
This poem may not be loaned.
This poem may not be rented.
This poem may not be excerpted.
This poem may not be read aloud.
This poem may not be summarized.
This poem may not be reviewed.
This poem may not be linked to.
This poem may not be described.
This poem may not be mentioned.
This poem may not be remembered.
This poem may not be any good.
Beware: In C++, your friends can see your privates!
I won a competition for this story I wrote a couple of years back.
I say I ain't giving you no tree fiddy you goddamned Loch Ness monster, get yo own goddamned money!
C:> santa
... now what?
'santa' is not recognized as an internal or external command,
operable program or batch file.
C:> crap
Please Wait - Starting Windows 3.1
need I say more?
Comment removed based on user account deletion
These things weren't funny back in the days of gopher. Why oh why must the geek stereotypes be reinforced? Geek humor != funny in most cases. At the very least, none of these will get you laid at the holiday Xmas party.
I imagine the rest of these "poems" are similarly amusing.
This has been making the rounds at my place of employment. Enjoy! Oh, Calculus; Oh Calculus, (To:"Oh, Christmas Tree") Oh, Calculus; Oh Calculus, How tough are both your branches. Oh, Calculus; Oh Calculus, To pass, what are my chances? Derivatives I cannot take, At integrals my fingers shake. Oh, Calculus; Oh Calculus, How tough are both your branches. Oh, Calculus; Oh Calculus, Your theorems I can't master. Oh, Calculus; Oh Calculus, My proofs are a disaster. You pull a trick our of the air, Or find a reason, God knows where. Oh, Calculus; Oh Calculus, Your theorems I can't master. Oh, Calculus; Oh Calculus, Your problems do distress me. Oh, Calculus; Oh Calculus, Related rates depress me. I walk toward lampposts in my sleep, And running water makes me weep. Oh, Calculus; Oh Calculus, Your problems do distress me. Oh, Calculus; Oh Calculus, My limit I am reaching. Oh, Calculus; Oh Calculus, For mercy I'm beseeching. My grades do not approach B, They're just an epsilon from D. Oh, Calculus; Oh Calculus, My limit I am reaching. Fill the boards with Differentials (To:"Deck the Halls") Fill the boards with differentials, FA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA -LA-LA-LA-LA, Note that du's are essential, FA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA -LA-LA-LA-LA, C's are constants here before us, FA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA -LA-LA-LA-LA, Integration cannot floor us FA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA -LA-LA-LA-LA, Quizzes always make us queasy, FA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA -LA-LA-LA-LA, Max and mins are never easy, FA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA -LA-LA-LA-LA, Conic volumes we can measure, FA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA -LA-LA-LA-LA, Fours and fives we'll always treasure, FA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA -LA-LA-LA-LA
So where do I get one of those? Preferably for KDE.
On of the funniest SNL (I think) sketches that I ever saw had a version of "Chestnuts roasting..." It went something like "Chipmunks roasting over an open fire..."
Actually when on a google search for the song, I found the following site Google'c cachse of Fractured Christmas Carols.
Oh, and by the way, the version of "chipmunks on the fire" (on the site mentioned above) was most definatly not the one I heard on SNL.
.noitacidem deen uoy siht daer nac uoy fI
"STATIC EQUILIBRIUM" (sung to "Winter Wonderland")
by Alvin Lee, Wakefield High School, Arlington VA, 1983
All my moments have cancelled,
sum of forces is equal,
I'm fully inert, and doing no work,
here in sta-tic e-qui-lib-ri-um.
Every push meets another,
every pull has a counter,
the state I allude is true lassitude,
here in sta-tic e-qui-lib-ri-um.
All my forces balance out exactly,
you can even put me to the test.
Push me out in any ole direction,
And you'll find I'll no longer be at rest.
Can't you see that I'm happy?
Sitting here, calm and mellow?
Don't want to go home,
So leave me alone,
here in sta-tic e-qui-lib-ri-um.
My physics professor maintains an archive of physics songs at physicssongs.org and it includes an impressive array of physics carols (where I copied the above song from)
Try to find the real tense of the report you are reading: Was it done, is
it being done, or is something to be done? Reports are now written in four
tenses: past tense, present tense, future tense, and pretense. Watch for
novel uses of CONGRAM (CONtractor GRAMmar), defined by the imperfect past,
the insufficient present, and the absolutely perfect future.
-- Amrom Katz
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