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Microsoft Rolls Out iLoo
TommyTyker writes "According to this CNet article, Microsoft is using England as a test bed for the iLoo -- a 'PortaJohn' that allows the 'user' to surf the net while taking care of 'business.' MSN is even looking at getting TP manufacturers to create some of their product with URL's printed on them. Pooptastic!" Life does not imitate the Onion. No, sir.
...gotta SUCK!
God knows most MS products aren't fit for anything other than wiping...
That I'm using MSN while taking a shit.
..There's a-dooin's a-transpirin'
Like I'd really want to use this thing after countless numbers of people touched it shortly after wiping their asses...
The finally do something inovative and it's full of sh*t. No, really...
and take a shit. Goes well together.
Well it's about time that we get a chance to wipe our butt with TP that has the Micro$oft logo on it. :-)
I would not be using that! They don't seem to think about where they but the internet these days. Being inside one of these porta loos is not a place to spend quality internet time.
But it would be much better for the people waiting.
As opposed to other MS products, which crap on you while you surf the net.
Sheesh, evil *and* a jerk. -- Jade
one enterprising soul made a solar-powered, microcontroller-based composting toilet, aka the Dalek Loo. Includes design notes and circuit diagrams and everything.
England is their testbed?
They should be taking it to Japan, where toilets are already equipped with countless unimaginable electronic doodads.
Accountability on the heads of the powerful.
Power in the hands of the accountable.
I wonder if the DRM stops people from pissing on the Pee-Cee...
First of all, they had better encase those monitors in bullet-proof, unscratchable glass or they'll be vandalized instantly. How they'll protect the keyboards I can't imagine.
Secondly, I'd be disinclined to touch a keyboard in a loo under any circumstances, but even more so considering the pr0n-viewing factor. Nuf said.
"...all the labours of the ages, all the devotion, all the inspiration, all the noonday brightness..." yada yada
Its bad enough to use the keyboards at semi-public computer labs. But using the keyboard and mouse of a public toilet?
think of all the pr0n surfing one could do at a iLoo.
And this is what they come up with!? Someone approved this? Somewhere, deep within the bowels of Microsoft, there is movement.
*wince*
Do not taunt Happy-Fun Ball
Would it clog and force you to use the "Ctrl+Alt+Delete Plunger"?
503 Sig Unavailable
The Signature could not be accessed. Please try again later or contact the administrator
Apple releases the iTunes music store, a revolutionary (or at least *evolutionary*) way to buy music online.
Microsoft responds with a hygiene disaster, and a way to make sure there are a lot of people at public events banging on the doors of porta-potties and peeing their pants.
Way to go, Microsoft. You've hereby invented the WORST IDEA EVER. That's innovation.
Guess we know where Microsoft wants to go today.
"I think you guys with quotes in your signatures should go have an original thought." -- Dan Miller
... surf for porn?
I'm not a marketing guru, but isn't this the kind of brand association that you don't want?
Somebody should tell MS marketing department that The Onion, that published the following eToilet article, is a satirical (as in "do not take this stuff seriously") magazine.
A religious war is an adult version of a fight over who has the best imaginary friend
You know, this is the closest MSN has ever come to being where it belonged.
If senility was a race, I would win.
Exactly how clean will this thing be? Honestly, it sounds completely disgusting. There's a reason they made the keyboard waterproof, and that alone would be a good reason not to use it. I don't think I need to go into any more detail here.
Perhaps a better, cleaner idea would be to have a machine with voice recognition built in and no keyboard. One might have to limit the types of pages someone could view because of the limited environment, but I'd much more readily use that then ever pick up one of those disgusting keyboards.
Microsoft's Active Crapper technology analyzes your leavings, enhancing your web surfing experience.
"People who expelled the Taco Bell 7-layer burrito also recommended the Grizzlebee's Onion Burst"
"They should be taking it to Japan, where toilets are already equipped with countless unimaginable electronic doodads."
...Including the thingy that spritzes hot water up your butt. Heh such fun we had the first time "Eh a remote for the toilet?? Hmm what's this button do...ooooohhh! whoaah!". I bet the controls weren't labelled in English on purpose...
If construction was anything like programming, an incorrectly fitted lock would bring down the entire building...
If Microsoft would just create toilet paper that had its name and logo on it, I'd buy 50 rolls.
can't sleep slashdot will eat me
...be known as Loo-nix?
a world in progress...
I'm sorry, but I wouldn't want to be the admin for this device? Can you imagine how much time you'd have to spend patching? Plus, I doubt I would use this knowing how poorly Microsoft protects my computer from viruses. :-P
Apparently to the portable potty at your local summer concert or festival.
I can see it now:
It's a summer concert, people drink alot of beer, the bathroom line is usually 15 minutes, you can see people crossing their legs they have to go so bad, and there you are, sitting on the damn toilet, browsing the web when you should be finishing your 'business'.
These porta-potties better have a secret back door for escaping...
"Can of worms? The can is open... the worms are everywhere."
... Gives a whole new meaning to "cyber-squatting" ... Appropriate way to view most of the web and "squeeze out a blog" ... Guys begin sitting down to whiz ... In other news, Padded Toilet seat sales increase 10-fold!
Will it be running I.P.?
P2P (piss to pot)?
Brings a new meaning to flushing the buffer, doesn't it?
You can accomplish anything you set your mind to. The impossible just takes a little longer.
Behold MIT
Analogies don't equal equalities, they are merely somewhat analogous.
This Looks Like A Cool Product...for me to poop on!
Visit www.seriouslythough.com
the guy at Microsoft that has to audit the licenses for these things??? Yikes!!
Well, popular wisdom has it that desktops in New York city and other big towns have more fecal bacteria than the toilets do. Most people continue to use their desks as a cafeteria tray. What's your problem?
Now that M$ has the abiltiy to track my goings, I fear they will close the loop and track my commings. Will the M$ office 2005 come with a cubicle with a mixed use seat/toilet, food and water tubes, and rollup bed? Don't forget the Xbox style PeeeCeee that I can't run that dirty free software on. Oh, paradise for the company man.
Friends don't help friends install M$ junk.
What if your MS TP blue screens on you? How will you wipe your tukkus then?
Boobies never hurt anyone. - Sherry Glaser.
Just think of the possibilities! With a webcam, there could be a direct link to ratemypoo.com.
This post is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
We all know MS puts out crap, but this is too much.
/. deems worthy of showing?
This is a hoax right? The reporter has been taken for a ride, and this is what
Anyone who has been in a porta-potty knows that the smell is so bad that you wouldn't stick around for Hotmail to finish loading, while you are making your download.
Why slashdot? Why not?
Or maybe a choice of f-tp, or perhaps tf-tp if you're sensitive....
(Actually, I'm quite impressed that they're doing this. It's a taboo that needs to be broken. There is plenty of freedom to innovate in this area! Good for them!)
I've run out of toilet paper, will you pass me some?
from Cubicle 2
They have patented the Trash Icon....
iPod is Apple
iMac is Apple
iTunes, etc etc all Apples...
Steve, here is your chance to get even... The iLoo by all means, should be an apple product.....if you didn't know who made it, wouldnt you think its something made by Apple?
Solid!
I should have realized -- it's toilet paper! Now it all makes sense!
But can you say "Windows NT WANKSTATION"
Slashdot - The one stop shop for procrastination
RandomGuy: Hey, I really gotta go. Can somebody clear a stall?
From Stall #1: Sorry, checking my email. I'll be a few minutes.
From Stall #2: I'm busy trading my life away on ETrade, piss off!
From Stall #3: *fwap* Almost *fwap* done! *fwap*
From Stall #4: We're out of paper in here, I'm contacting technical support!
RandomGuy: (Eyes crossed, making odd grunting noises, Exits)
how long before someone installs Back Orifice on one of these?
In Soviet Russia, your iLoo craps on YOU.
Backups would be needed in case you accidently 'wipe' your HD.
If the iLoo runs Linux, will it handle a 'core dump'?
Could 'virus detection' be added to the iLoo?
Will the interface feature 'toilet assistants'? "I'm the shit wizard, it looks like you're planning to take a crap today!"
"The Microsoft iLoo - When do you want to go today?"
Thank you, I shall be here all week ;)
So after using this a few times i wonder how this would condition my brain?
everytime i see the msn butterfly i smell the residual stink of 1000 people?
or
everytime i go to the bathroom i think of bill gates?
kind of disturbing either way.
I could surf on http://www.microsoft.com/billgates for shitting easier!
This is a wonderful piece of Microsoft technology(tm) !
Man, everyone mentions the techy toilets, but where I am at the squat toilets are by far more common. You can find Western style and those fancy ones, occasionaly, but you don't count on it.
They're just trying to keep up with apple...
Here's the competition...
hmmm. 'i-loo' sounds suspiciously similar to 'i-tunes'. do i detect some corporate marketing jealousy/sh*t-flinging going on?
I sure hope it's not a touch-screen!
--TRRAt least if you there is no toilet paper left, a microsoft product will be near by.
If the dollar is an "I owe you nothing", then the Euro is a "Who owes you nothing." - Doug Casey
Looks like Microsoft is taking a potshot at Apple's iLife.
MSN UK is negotiating with toilet paper manufacturers for special rolls with Web addresses, or URLs, printed on them.
They're going to sell advertising on the toilet paper? I can just see the sales pitch.
"Well, sir, we'd like you to give us money, so that people can wipe their ass with your company logo."
Yeah, that'll work.
This confirms that someone in marketing is involved despite my first impressions of the project:
MSN iLoo Q&As with Tracy Blacher - consumer marketing manager for MSN
I love the logo on this one!:
Article: MSN Crafts Web-Enabled Toilet
Imagine a Iloo cluster of these... oh shit! it stinks!
Which company has the slogan "Changing the way you do business"?
One line blog. I hear that they're called Twitters now.
Instead of asking where's the bathroom, you'd ask for their "IP Address." As for the type of connection it would have, I'm sure it'll be phone lines using PPP.
Aaaaand they'll have bran muffins outside if you have problems generating logs. Now THAT's innovation!
I got to test one of these while on a business trip at a computer expo in Hefton. My initial response was that it was rather novel, but after using it and seeing the detail put to making it a sanitary and convienient experience, I can definitely see how these units would fit nicely in an airport or such. You definitely won't see these along side a construction site, but these will surely be loved at places where a time-pressed business person needs to quickly check their messages.
If I had the priveledge of working on this project, I would release a product called Microsoft Toilet XP. The features of my fine product might include items such as:
- Toilet must boot up before you can use it:
- Toilet normally takes two to three minutes to boot.
- If user is in a hurry and the situation is an emergency, toilet enters Murphy's Law Mode and takes an additional three or four minutes to boot.
- Occasionally when toilet is booting in Murphy's Law Mode, toilet will crash, find new hardware when the configuration hasn't changed or perform otherwise erratic behavior to require additional reboots and delay the use of the toilet.
- Toilet has a network connection:
- Dumping Rights Management (DRM) would require communication with Microsoft's central servers to determine whether user is legally authorized to take a dump in toilet.
- DRM would require monthly subscription fee and/or Gold registration, giving a particular client unlimited use of a single toilet.
- Multiple users may not use same toilet unless licensed.
- If network connection cannot be found, which is randomly the case for the user's inconvenience, toilet refuses to function.
- Toilet randomly behaves erratically:
- Toilet might flush by itself.
- Toilet might not flushed when the flush handle is depressed, due to bugs in the software.
- Toilet might overflow.
- Hackers will get in and shove a digital dildo right up your ass.
- Upon completion of toilet usage, toilet must be shut down properly or a lengthy scandisk process must take place the next time toilet enters Murphy's Law Mode, after other actions of that mode take place.
- SpyWare will be randomly installed in toilet, without user's consent, to send a digitally coded sample of the user's shit and/or piss to random companies for inclusion in their lists. These would be used to:
- Send highly targeted dieting advertisements to users based on the content of their shit.
- Make information about your diet and gastral intestinal status available on the Internet for casual browsing by anybody.
Microsoft Toilet XP 2003 End User License Agreement:By us having written this licensing agreement, you have agreed to be bound by its terms...
This post represents humor, parody and opinions of the poster, protected by the Constitution. Microsoft is obviously a registered trademark of itself and everybody knows that so it needs not be recounted here.
can you? I think this is the biggest practical joke I've seen in years, but they missed April 1 by a little more than a month.
... unless they're planning to charge per minute for it... hmmm, we have a long history of pay toilets...
This can't be serious because of all the obvious issues and problems that have been discussed both humorously and seriously ad nauseum in previous posts. Hygiene, hardware durability, monopolizing the facility, etc.
What kind of EULA are they going to have for this? Once you use their facility, you can't use any other toilet unless it's an MS approved toilet? They already want your first born male child, do they now want all your offal as well?
This can not be serious.
War is Peace. Freedom is Slavery. Ignorance is Strength. - George Orwell or George Bush?
...to the "blogging" phenomenon.
Downmodding is the refuge of the weak. Don't downmod, make a better argument!
I can imagine these things coming with web cams and getting popups:
"You seem to be constipated. Would you like to subscribe to a medical newsletter about constipation?"
"You are running low on toilet paper. Please click here to purchase more toilet paper."
Well you know, you can't wipe with flat screen monitor after you read :)
Hyperom.com
I mean, you could video conference via WiFi with other people in iLoos all over the world.
The article stated that MSN saw a decline of 300,000 users in the first quarter of this year. That's a lot of people shitting on MSN even without the deployment of MSN toilets.
This product opens up an opportunity for a whole new Microsoft slogan:--CTH
--Got Lists? | Top 95 Star Wars Line
They better be connected to broadband or its going to be a real pisser.
At most festivals, the toilets become unuseable by the end. I don't know how it happens, but you get piss and shit every where - on the toilet, on the floor, even on the roof sometimes. I hope they come up with some way of making all their gear water and shit resistant.
If I seem short sighted, it is because I stand on the shoulders of midgets