Slashdot Mirror
Microsoft Rolls Out iLoo
TommyTyker writes "According to this CNet article, Microsoft is using England as a test bed for the iLoo -- a 'PortaJohn' that allows the 'user' to surf the net while taking care of 'business.' MSN is even looking at getting TP manufacturers to create some of their product with URL's printed on them. Pooptastic!" Life does not imitate the Onion. No, sir.
...gotta SUCK!
God knows most MS products aren't fit for anything other than wiping...
That I'm using MSN while taking a shit.
..There's a-dooin's a-transpirin'
Like I'd really want to use this thing after countless numbers of people touched it shortly after wiping their asses...
...the igLoo. extra-robust for operating in colder climates. but the sole network interface will be over RFC1149 (ported from pigeons to reindeer)...
// zyqqh
The finally do something inovative and it's full of sh*t. No, really...
and take a shit. Goes well together.
Well it's about time that we get a chance to wipe our butt with TP that has the Micro$oft logo on it. :-)
is where can I get one?
There are four boxes used in defense of liberty: soap, ballot, jury, ammo. Use in that order.
I would not be using that! They don't seem to think about where they but the internet these days. Being inside one of these porta loos is not a place to spend quality internet time.
But it would be much better for the people waiting.
As opposed to other MS products, which crap on you while you surf the net.
Sheesh, evil *and* a jerk. -- Jade
one enterprising soul made a solar-powered, microcontroller-based composting toilet, aka the Dalek Loo. Includes design notes and circuit diagrams and everything.
England is their testbed?
They should be taking it to Japan, where toilets are already equipped with countless unimaginable electronic doodads.
Accountability on the heads of the powerful.
Power in the hands of the accountable.
I wonder if the DRM stops people from pissing on the Pee-Cee...
First of all, they had better encase those monitors in bullet-proof, unscratchable glass or they'll be vandalized instantly. How they'll protect the keyboards I can't imagine.
Secondly, I'd be disinclined to touch a keyboard in a loo under any circumstances, but even more so considering the pr0n-viewing factor. Nuf said.
"...all the labours of the ages, all the devotion, all the inspiration, all the noonday brightness..." yada yada
Its bad enough to use the keyboards at semi-public computer labs. But using the keyboard and mouse of a public toilet?
think of all the pr0n surfing one could do at a iLoo.
And this is what they come up with!? Someone approved this? Somewhere, deep within the bowels of Microsoft, there is movement.
*wince*
Do not taunt Happy-Fun Ball
This prank again?
It was funny the first five times.
Would it clog and force you to use the "Ctrl+Alt+Delete Plunger"?
503 Sig Unavailable
The Signature could not be accessed. Please try again later or contact the administrator
Apple releases the iTunes music store, a revolutionary (or at least *evolutionary*) way to buy music online.
Microsoft responds with a hygiene disaster, and a way to make sure there are a lot of people at public events banging on the doors of porta-potties and peeing their pants.
Way to go, Microsoft. You've hereby invented the WORST IDEA EVER. That's innovation.
Guess we know where Microsoft wants to go today.
"I think you guys with quotes in your signatures should go have an original thought." -- Dan Miller
Brand new, from Microsoft!
Using copywritten "open source" Sphinter Software you can now surf the net, while you preform a core dump!
Just don't try to upload to the system.
-jokerghost
... surf for porn?
Adds new meaning to Garbage In, Garbage Out
An online Starcraft RPG? Only at
In Soviet Russia, all your us are belong to base!
Online Starcraft RPG? At
Dietary fiber is like asynchronous IO-- Non-blocking!
What guarantee do I have that Microsoft will not track my visit and sell their records to another company?!
Also, they damn well better filter online porn if they don't want some nasty cleanup jobs.
I'm not a marketing guru, but isn't this the kind of brand association that you don't want?
Somebody should tell MS marketing department that The Onion, that published the following eToilet article, is a satirical (as in "do not take this stuff seriously") magazine.
A religious war is an adult version of a fight over who has the best imaginary friend
You've got to be shitting me.
You know, this is the closest MSN has ever come to being where it belonged.
If senility was a race, I would win.
Exactly how clean will this thing be? Honestly, it sounds completely disgusting. There's a reason they made the keyboard waterproof, and that alone would be a good reason not to use it. I don't think I need to go into any more detail here.
Perhaps a better, cleaner idea would be to have a machine with voice recognition built in and no keyboard. One might have to limit the types of pages someone could view because of the limited environment, but I'd much more readily use that then ever pick up one of those disgusting keyboards.
Now I can finally wipe my ass with Microsoft.
Oh the geeks will crap for days.
Most Microsoft stuff ends up in the crapper anyway.
Seriously... I think this is a good idea for toilets anywhere but those at festivals, or places where you can expect long lines. But having these at restaurants (nip off to the john to escape a boring conversation), at home (don't miss that last-minute bid on Ebay), or at work (forget bringing a newspaper, go for an hour-long Slashdot posting spree) would suit me just fine.
Putting another computer on the outside of this thing isn't going to help the queue. Much better would be to put a screen outside to show just what the hell you're doing in there. Erm, I don't mean a camera, I mean a second screen to show what you're looking at on the web.
If construction was anything like programming, an incorrectly fitted lock would bring down the entire building...
Microsoft's Active Crapper technology analyzes your leavings, enhancing your web surfing experience.
"People who expelled the Taco Bell 7-layer burrito also recommended the Grizzlebee's Onion Burst"
And you thought muffin crumbs were bad...
*ack*
As soon as the first one is put into operation, we must post its IP address here and Slashdot it! HAHAHAHA!!
I don't know why that's so funny to me.
Accountability on the heads of the powerful.
Power in the hands of the accountable.
Does it have a webcam? ;-)
High speed connection, privacy, fresh supply of TP for cleanup, convenient place to flush evidence...
A portable spank-your-monkey machine, powered by MSN!
Actually, there may be a market for these things...
"Jesus saves, but everyone else in a 10 foot radius takes full damage from the fireball."
What happens when it blue screens? Or I lock it up?
"They should be taking it to Japan, where toilets are already equipped with countless unimaginable electronic doodads."
...Including the thingy that spritzes hot water up your butt. Heh such fun we had the first time "Eh a remote for the toilet?? Hmm what's this button do...ooooohhh! whoaah!". I bet the controls weren't labelled in English on purpose...
If construction was anything like programming, an incorrectly fitted lock would bring down the entire building...
If Microsoft would just create toilet paper that had its name and logo on it, I'd buy 50 rolls.
can't sleep slashdot will eat me
...be known as Loo-nix?
a world in progress...
or at work (forget bringing a newspaper, go for an hour-long Slashdot posting spree)
Good god man!
autopr0n is like, down and stuff.
According to the figure in the article, the keyboard is wireless and "can be used on lap." I don't know, but I don't think I really want to be using a keyboard that was on somebody else's naked lap.
This also calls to question the types of sites people will be visiting in a public john with internet access. (This is one case where I'd hope they have a content filter.)
Somebody ports linux to it?
A few issues:
1. What's to stop some porn-hungry guy from jerking off? This is a COMPUTER in a PUBLIC bathroom, which leads to:
2. Will there be time limits? I don't think anyone will want to leave with free Internet access, unless:
3. Will there be a horrible stench such as there is in normal porta-johns, or has MS developed the iDontStink?
microsoft products are for shit anyways
My problem? I was perfectly gruntled, until some numbnuts came by and dissed me.
"...keyboard can be placed on the lap for comfort."
Very disturbing.
I'm sorry, but I wouldn't want to be the admin for this device? Can you imagine how much time you'd have to spend patching? Plus, I doubt I would use this knowing how poorly Microsoft protects my computer from viruses. :-P
Fancy being able to take a crap and browse the crap @ Micro$oft.com?
/.
Fancy being able to take a slash while reading the latest @
(Note: the above posting may have Aussie slang within)
I wouldn't want to touch the toilet loo, especially after everyone's wiped their ass and then touched it. Next they will be playing battleships (with the person in the next cubicle) with brown chunks on the screen.
Apparently to the portable potty at your local summer concert or festival.
I can see it now:
It's a summer concert, people drink alot of beer, the bathroom line is usually 15 minutes, you can see people crossing their legs they have to go so bad, and there you are, sitting on the damn toilet, browsing the web when you should be finishing your 'business'.
These porta-potties better have a secret back door for escaping...
"Can of worms? The can is open... the worms are everywhere."
... Gives a whole new meaning to "cyber-squatting" ... Appropriate way to view most of the web and "squeeze out a blog" ... Guys begin sitting down to whiz ... In other news, Padded Toilet seat sales increase 10-fold!
I don't think I would be calling this an iLoo, more like an iGoo. That is, after all, what this is going to be covered in. For goodness sake most portable toliets are nasty enough without adding gallons of sperm to the walls/keyboard. This is definatly not one of Microsoft's better ideas.
Necessity is the mother of invention.
Laziness is the father.
This thing will be cracked in no time!
Friends don't help friends install M$ junk.
Will it be running I.P.?
P2P (piss to pot)?
Brings a new meaning to flushing the buffer, doesn't it?
You can accomplish anything you set your mind to. The impossible just takes a little longer.
No, service calls to this will simply stink. A reboo^H^H^H^H flush or two and your problems will be gone.
Friends don't help friends install M$ junk.
Wow! Talk about covering all ends of the market. First they give you the shits, then you give them the shits!
Quite insidious actually: iLoo will be given away for free, but is only guaranteed not to back-up if you use MS' iPaper (which will definitely not be free).
Someone should start up a GNU/Loo project on sourceforge immediately, and we should get Andrew Tridgell to reverse engineer the iLoo spec so we can use open source wipes.
Behold MIT
Analogies don't equal equalities, they are merely somewhat analogous.
You fight like a cow.
Run a pencil-and-paper RPG campaign with your far-off friends: Gametable!
What about the queues one will get at a toilet? People are supposed to use toilets to shit, piss and leave, not check/write emails, surf the net for what we can imagine given the place, and so on.
About the guy who suggested voice recognition to solve hygienic problems: how do you cope with the alterations of voice occurrinnnggg innn a majjjorrrr exxxcccrretttiooohhhhhn! Whew!
And how do you filter out the background noise? Think people writing an urgent mail to their boss... I wonder what's the ASCIIfication of a fart!
Victims of 9/11: <3000. Traffic in the US: >30,000/y
This Looks Like A Cool Product...for me to poop on!
Visit www.seriouslythough.com
Seriously, use your common sense here.
What happens if it doesn't flush..... Do you have to reboot ???
the guy at Microsoft that has to audit the licenses for these things??? Yikes!!
... I still wouldn't go near this thing, I mean, come on, it doesn't even come with a Webcam! ;-)
No trees were killed in the making of this post; however, many trillions of electrons were horribly inconvenienced.
Well, popular wisdom has it that desktops in New York city and other big towns have more fecal bacteria than the toilets do. Most people continue to use their desks as a cafeteria tray. What's your problem?
Now that M$ has the abiltiy to track my goings, I fear they will close the loop and track my commings. Will the M$ office 2005 come with a cubicle with a mixed use seat/toilet, food and water tubes, and rollup bed? Don't forget the Xbox style PeeeCeee that I can't run that dirty free software on. Oh, paradise for the company man.
Friends don't help friends install M$ junk.
What if your MS TP blue screens on you? How will you wipe your tukkus then?
Boobies never hurt anyone. - Sherry Glaser.
Just think of the possibilities! With a webcam, there could be a direct link to ratemypoo.com.
This post is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
We all know MS puts out crap, but this is too much.
/. deems worthy of showing?
This is a hoax right? The reporter has been taken for a ride, and this is what
Anyone who has been in a porta-potty knows that the smell is so bad that you wouldn't stick around for Hotmail to finish loading, while you are making your download.
Why slashdot? Why not?
You lie.
-hey... where's my anonymous button/temptation!
-pyrrho
Do you really want to hear the things that will be said in the stall next to you? As if hearing the gastrointestinal disturbances wasn't bad enough.
I mean..the sheer genius of it...the amazing mind share....
for me to poop on!!
-- Who is the bigger fool? The fool or the fool who follows him? --
I could see myself checking my email while evacuating my bowels, I suppose. I'm kinda curious why anyone would want 6-channel surround sound while web-browsing in a latrine though. Oh, and I hope those keys are coated in phenol or something- it's one thing when Microsoft products have a vulnerability to a computer virus, and quite another when they have a vulnerability to an actual virus....
"FDA staff reviewers expressed concern about the number of patients who were left out of the study because they died."
they didn't call it Shitbox!
oh..wait.. MS has already released Xbox!
that Microsoft is revolutionizing the world again and again. It's good to see the great advancements we are having in technology.
I hope someone craps all over the screen.
Or maybe a choice of f-tp, or perhaps tf-tp if you're sensitive....
(Actually, I'm quite impressed that they're doing this. It's a taboo that needs to be broken. There is plenty of freedom to innovate in this area! Good for them!)
I've run out of toilet paper, will you pass me some?
from Cubicle 2
They have patented the Trash Icon....
iPod is Apple
iMac is Apple
iTunes, etc etc all Apples...
Steve, here is your chance to get even... The iLoo by all means, should be an apple product.....if you didn't know who made it, wouldnt you think its something made by Apple?
Solid!
Yes, just what I want to do, spend even MORE time in a smelly, dirty portapotty.
I don't know about anybody else, but I do everything in my power to MINIMIZE the time I spend in those things.
The last thing I would want to do is spend more time in there.
Of course, it is not hard to imagine who would spend more time in of these - just drop your threshold to -1....
www.eFax.com are spammers
I should have realized -- it's toilet paper! Now it all makes sense!
...because since 1999 Mac users have been able to browse the web while taking a dump, thanks to AirPort! :-)
~Philly
But can you say "Windows NT WANKSTATION"
Slashdot - The one stop shop for procrastination
In a room that's only four square feet.
irb(main):001:0>
Gotta be an April Fools story, 1 month late...
ThosEM
RandomGuy: Hey, I really gotta go. Can somebody clear a stall?
From Stall #1: Sorry, checking my email. I'll be a few minutes.
From Stall #2: I'm busy trading my life away on ETrade, piss off!
From Stall #3: *fwap* Almost *fwap* done! *fwap*
From Stall #4: We're out of paper in here, I'm contacting technical support!
RandomGuy: (Eyes crossed, making odd grunting noises, Exits)
how long before someone installs Back Orifice on one of these?
So, is there any danger that you could get a B.O.D when you try to flush? Core Dump?
Can't even hit the april fool's day release date.
In Soviet Russia, your iLoo craps on YOU.
Backups would be needed in case you accidently 'wipe' your HD.
If the iLoo runs Linux, will it handle a 'core dump'?
Could 'virus detection' be added to the iLoo?
Will the interface feature 'toilet assistants'? "I'm the shit wizard, it looks like you're planning to take a crap today!"
"The Microsoft iLoo - When do you want to go today?"
Thank you, I shall be here all week ;)
So after using this a few times i wonder how this would condition my brain?
everytime i see the msn butterfly i smell the residual stink of 1000 people?
or
everytime i go to the bathroom i think of bill gates?
kind of disturbing either way.
and the implications that could have..
I could surf on http://www.microsoft.com/billgates for shitting easier!
This is a wonderful piece of Microsoft technology(tm) !
Brings new meaning to the blue screen of death.
Flush handlers, anyone?!
In the future, I would want to not be isolated from my friends in the Space Station.
Man, everyone mentions the techy toilets, but where I am at the squat toilets are by far more common. You can find Western style and those fancy ones, occasionaly, but you don't count on it.
If you install any Free OS, or any non-MS OS actually, on this thing and leave the computer part in service, I kill you.
How long until people figure out how to steal the computer out of the iLoo? And you thought XBoxen made cheap beow... nevermind.
Copyright Violation:"theft, piracy"::Anti-Trust Violation:"thermonuclear price terrorism"<-Overly dramatic language.
They're just trying to keep up with apple...
Here's the competition...
from the article: ""It could induce a certain amount of queuing due to excess browsing on the part of users," Kay said. To address this problem, the iLoo will be outfitted with a plasma display and waterproof keyboard outside the box, so that those waiting in line can check their Hotmail accounts."
;-)
Wonder if the two terminals are loaded with Netmeeting?
Oh yeah... and the obligatory "Imagine a beowulf cluster of these!".
Now that's some funky shit.
I'd rather be a conservative nutjob than a liberal with no nuts and no job.
taken the laptop in the bathroom before to continue by browsing on the Loo. Many people read on the toilet and the internet is just another source of news and information for me, so it only makes sense to want to read the internet on the toilet.
SIGFAULT
hmmm. 'i-loo' sounds suspiciously similar to 'i-tunes'. do i detect some corporate marketing jealousy/sh*t-flinging going on?
I sure hope it's not a touch-screen!
--TRRAs a sufferer of IBS, I spend a _lot_ of my free time on the john. So much so that I have a ThinkPad 770 in my restroom with wireless card so I can surf and rdesk from the "unloading zone." Works really well, actually. [And, yes, it's UNC name is \\etoilet (inspired by theonion.com article).]
Q: "Why do sound techs say 'check 1, 2'?"
A: "Cause if they could count any higher they'd be lighting techs."
Just go to Bill Gates homepage, and hit the print button.
At least if you there is no toilet paper left, a microsoft product will be near by.
If the dollar is an "I owe you nothing", then the Euro is a "Who owes you nothing." - Doug Casey
How bad do you want to go today?
Wansu, th' chinese sailor
Guess we know where Microsoft wants to go today.
Isn't the phrase "Where do you want to go today?"
I guess in this case it would be "Where do you want to go while you go today?"
"There are people who do not love their fellow human being, and I _hate_ people like that!" - Tom Lehrer
Looks like Microsoft is taking a potshot at Apple's iLife.
A guy called Hamsterboy replying to a bowel joke.
Hopefully this in joke will not sink too deep.
MSN UK is negotiating with toilet paper manufacturers for special rolls with Web addresses, or URLs, printed on them.
They're going to sell advertising on the toilet paper? I can just see the sales pitch.
"Well, sir, we'd like you to give us money, so that people can wipe their ass with your company logo."
Yeah, that'll work.
http://www.microsoft.com/uk/press/content/presscen tre/releases/2003/05/PR03050.asp
This confirms that someone in marketing is involved despite my first impressions of the project:
MSN iLoo Q&As with Tracy Blacher - consumer marketing manager for MSN
I love the logo on this one!:
Article: MSN Crafts Web-Enabled Toilet
Ok, so these would best be considered "prototypes"
Pic1
Pic2
Does this mean that Microsoft is moving away from the traditional binary number system (0 and 1) and moving to the potty number system (number 1 and number 2)?
Imagine a Iloo cluster of these... oh shit! it stinks!
Is it April 1 again already?
"What a piece of shit!"
That's what I'm going to say the first time I see one.
I really hate signatures, but go to my website.
Which will most likely be attached to the iLoo via a security wire to prevent theft. Yay for technology!
...dump core.
Call me old fashioned, but I like a dump to be as memorable as it is devastating - Bender
wireless keyboard
Ugh. This is so gross! It's bad enough that I occasionally have to sit down on public toilets, but the very idea that people are placing this "wireless keyboard" on their bare laps and doing God knows what is just enough to make me not EVER use one of these.
And not to be crass, but who is going to clean this keyboard and would you pick one up if you saw, ahm, hairs on it?
This whole thing is such a bad idea.
If Nalgene water bottles are outlawed, only outlaws will have Nalgene water bottles.
Could be a cure for constipation and a first person shooter all in one.
Now my stocks and my digested raison bran have something MORE in common...
Microsoft respresentatives hastily retract press release for the iLoo when it's pointed out to them that it is currently the month of may, as well being the 2nd of may, not the first.
"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness."- Friedrich Nietzsche
Here I sit, all besotted.
Paid a dime, got slashdotted.
One line blog. I hear that they're called Twitters now.
You know what, I'm a computer dork. I sit in from of a screen and keyboard for 8-20 hours a day, whether I'm at home or work, with exceptions for vacation...
Other people have mentioned the totally foul hygiene issues. At least this one has a sink, unlike most portable toilets I've seen in the US.
In any case, it's enough to drive a man to drink, then obliterate an entire continent in a nuclear firestorm. Or maybe a hail of hammers thrown at high speed.
"...always new atoms but always doing the same dance, remembering what the dance was yesterday." -Richard Feynman
"I see you having trouble. Would you like some help with that?"
One line blog. I hear that they're called Twitters now.
I don't think I would touch a GUI left behind by someone else in a port-a-potty
Does anyone else already do this with their Wi-Fi connection? I've been caught dropping friends off at the pool while reading Slashdot more than once :).
Revolutions are never about freedom or justice. They're about who's going to be top dog. -- Kilgore Trout
www.microsoft.com :)
Here.
Now they've provided empirical proof! Imagine having one of these things fail and getting an RMA? UGH!
Go away mom, I'm busy.
I think the guys over at Computer Torture got there first with the World's First Wirelessly Connected Portaloo!
Ground for some legal action I think, the shit will hit the fan when they find out.....
Oooh, this makes me so mad. I had planned on marketing just such a thing...website ads on toliet paper. I was going to call the idea HT-TP.
There ain't no rules here; we're trying to accomplish something.
I am having a lot of trouble with this. How is it even a little bit possible that someone at Micro$oft thinks this is a good idea?
Seriously. What company in there right mind wants people associating there products with taking a dump in a dirty, smelly public toilet?
I know what the oppinion of Micro$oft is, but how can you be that succesful and this dumb?
My question is this. Is it possible that Micro$oft knows damn well that this thing is a failure waiting to happen?
Is there some sort of advantage to throwing money away?
Maybe they are hiding the financing of another project behind this?
Or is there some sort of tax write off. Where you save X amount of tax dollars by spending Y amount of money and having it be a failure?
Anyone here want to comment on this?
Instead of asking where's the bathroom, you'd ask for their "IP Address." As for the type of connection it would have, I'm sure it'll be phone lines using PPP.
Aaaaand they'll have bran muffins outside if you have problems generating logs. Now THAT's innovation!
I can only imagine the O'reilly series of books for this thing.
Learning Microsoft iGloo
Microsoft iGloo Cookbook
iGloo Hacks
Microsoft iGloo Best Practices
And of course, there will be a countless uh, stream of articles at oreilly.oniGloo.com
Huh?
Now MicroSoft is finally doing something that matches better the toilet paper brand name they have.
I got to test one of these while on a business trip at a computer expo in Hefton. My initial response was that it was rather novel, but after using it and seeing the detail put to making it a sanitary and convienient experience, I can definitely see how these units would fit nicely in an airport or such. You definitely won't see these along side a construction site, but these will surely be loved at places where a time-pressed business person needs to quickly check their messages.
If I had the priveledge of working on this project, I would release a product called Microsoft Toilet XP. The features of my fine product might include items such as:
- Toilet must boot up before you can use it:
- Toilet normally takes two to three minutes to boot.
- If user is in a hurry and the situation is an emergency, toilet enters Murphy's Law Mode and takes an additional three or four minutes to boot.
- Occasionally when toilet is booting in Murphy's Law Mode, toilet will crash, find new hardware when the configuration hasn't changed or perform otherwise erratic behavior to require additional reboots and delay the use of the toilet.
- Toilet has a network connection:
- Dumping Rights Management (DRM) would require communication with Microsoft's central servers to determine whether user is legally authorized to take a dump in toilet.
- DRM would require monthly subscription fee and/or Gold registration, giving a particular client unlimited use of a single toilet.
- Multiple users may not use same toilet unless licensed.
- If network connection cannot be found, which is randomly the case for the user's inconvenience, toilet refuses to function.
- Toilet randomly behaves erratically:
- Toilet might flush by itself.
- Toilet might not flushed when the flush handle is depressed, due to bugs in the software.
- Toilet might overflow.
- Hackers will get in and shove a digital dildo right up your ass.
- Upon completion of toilet usage, toilet must be shut down properly or a lengthy scandisk process must take place the next time toilet enters Murphy's Law Mode, after other actions of that mode take place.
- SpyWare will be randomly installed in toilet, without user's consent, to send a digitally coded sample of the user's shit and/or piss to random companies for inclusion in their lists. These would be used to:
- Send highly targeted dieting advertisements to users based on the content of their shit.
- Make information about your diet and gastral intestinal status available on the Internet for casual browsing by anybody.
Microsoft Toilet XP 2003 End User License Agreement:By us having written this licensing agreement, you have agreed to be bound by its terms...
This post represents humor, parody and opinions of the poster, protected by the Constitution. Microsoft is obviously a registered trademark of itself and everybody knows that so it needs not be recounted here.
This is just TOO stupid to be for real.
If it is, this is beyond sad. I never did figure out why people read papers and magazines on the toilet.
Just get it over with, don't camp out in there...
Then again, the toilet is the appropriate place to use M$ products..
If they put Microsoft lavatories on airplanes, and there are external leaks, will the resulting projectiles become known as the Blue Ice of Death?
...do the "data dump" joke yet?
...do the "log file" joke yet?
I pee!
iLoo is a dumb idea. iShower would be better. Have a public shower with a computer and camera hooked to a live website. Let people use the shower for free while being shown on your website - let the viewers tip the showerer and maybe hold a conversation with them chatroom style. It'd make for a fun live website and for the showerer it's a better way to make some extra cash than say selling plasma.
At what price learning? At what cost wisdom? The price is a man's peace of mind, and the cost is his life.
I mean, really now, if we cannot even piss or shit without being connected to a global Internet then why not bypass the hygiene problem and just go for a Star Trek Borg-like existence and get everyone implanted chips that connect brain to Internet? Truly God was wise for handicapping us with piss and shit responsibilities so we would always be humble enough to remember our humanity!
Okay, first... that's just way more than we want to hear. ;)
Second, it's does not make sense to read on in the internet while on the loo. Why not? Look at toilet seats... How many public facilities provide those ohh so nifty, yet utterly worthless butt protectors?
I think that MANY people will have a problem with the idea that the Construction Bob just put his grimy paws all over the display. I mean, just the smell is enough to kill.
Not to mention the fact that newspaper can also be a life-saver should you find yourself suddenly without some t.p. >:)
"...we dont care about the economics; we just want to be able to hack great stuff."
Dear World,
I normally only use port-a-johns at music festivals where a bunch of other beer drinking guys have already been...already been pissing all over everything because they could not see in the dark. Besides, with the smell, would you really want to wait around for Windows to reboot. I wouldn't!
Later,
-Slashdot Junky
.
Landfill Mining Co.
Managing the (Un)natural Resources of Tomorrow
What a bunch of shit.
what will they be called when introduced into the U.S.?
o m?
iCrapper?
iShitter?
iJohn?
iHead?
iPowderRo
iFacilities?
What would Beavis and Butthead say about this? What will Cartman say? What will Letterman say?
And now for the obligitory one-liner:
Gives a whole new meaning to the term "core dump" doesn't it? Sorry.
Reminds me of the microsoft "house of the future" display they have in redmond. the amusing thing was, the house did not have any bathrooms. where do you want to go today would of course be the first thing on anyones mind whol actually lived in the house.
Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.
The Piles Anonymous support group?
--- root@127.0.0.1
How many uses do you think it'll get before someone swishes the keyboard around in the bowl? It certainly won't last a day. Probably not even an hour (assuming each person isn't taking an hour in the first place...)
Will there be unblockable advertisements included? I imagine they'll make good use of the sound system by playing loud shockwave advertisements for x-lax and pepto bismol every few minutes.
Also, I notice that it seems they mostly want people to log in to their Hotmail accounts with it. I, for one, would not trust logging in to a Microsoft-controlled server from a toilet. The thought of Microsoft knowing when and how long I expunge waste is... disconcerting.
Scratched Emulsion
can you? I think this is the biggest practical joke I've seen in years, but they missed April 1 by a little more than a month.
... unless they're planning to charge per minute for it... hmmm, we have a long history of pay toilets...
This can't be serious because of all the obvious issues and problems that have been discussed both humorously and seriously ad nauseum in previous posts. Hygiene, hardware durability, monopolizing the facility, etc.
What kind of EULA are they going to have for this? Once you use their facility, you can't use any other toilet unless it's an MS approved toilet? They already want your first born male child, do they now want all your offal as well?
This can not be serious.
War is Peace. Freedom is Slavery. Ignorance is Strength. - George Orwell or George Bush?
...to the "blogging" phenomenon.
Downmodding is the refuge of the weak. Don't downmod, make a better argument!
Just try to imagine a Beowulf cluster of these! What kind of networking topology and cabling would it use. The NAT is performed by a ROTO-ROUTER, a la User Friendly.
Wh47 d1d j00 541, 31337 15n't t3h r0xor5 ne m0r3???
...how does gas go through the human body so quickly? As everyone knows, you can get gassy very quickly after eating something, and fart frequently afterwards...but how does the gas get past the slower-moving stool created from yesterday's dinner? Does it percolate through or something? I've never had the opportunity or been in the proper forum before to ask something like this, and I could ask more questions, but I'll stop now by ending my post with the appropriate punctuation:
Finally, a rig that's worthy of a Microsoft operating system! Would any men feel intimidated by the "Hardware Compatibility List" for this thing, though?
I remember reading about a study earlier this year where researchers found that the average keyboard is dirtier than a toilet. Apparently Microsoft saw that study too....
is this article for real? my god man! this will inspire the most +5 funny remarks ever...
I can imagine these things coming with web cams and getting popups:
"You seem to be constipated. Would you like to subscribe to a medical newsletter about constipation?"
"You are running low on toilet paper. Please click here to purchase more toilet paper."
According to The Simpsons, Japanese toilets have cameras in the bowl, facing upward. If The Simpsons has it, it's gotta be true AND popular, right? Everyone knows why MS is copying this: Xbox flopped in Japan, so MS is making this toilet to learn Japanese culture in time for Xbox 2. Actually, this toilet might BE Xbox 2! The Japanese thought Xbox 1 was so ugly, it might as well be a toilet. Now it is. Otherwise, you can watch your bowl-cam remotely on Xbox live. Just be aware that corn farmers are also watching your toilet. They bribed MS to trace corn post-purchase with this system. I think they turn on a light in the bowl to count the kernels. It might be a UV light so you can't see when they're spying. They put UV dye in the corn to show up on camera.
Uh, OK, bud, if you say so.
BTW, how would you share the fact that you're using La Facilite over IM? Plop, Plop, Fizz, Fizz?
Always look on the briight side of life! (whistle, whistle)
Microsoft never innovates ;-)
It's the beginning of May, not the beginning of April. Please recalibrate your calendar.
Daniel
Hurry up and jump on the individualist bandwagon!
Mark my words, it's a bad idea to introduce something to a portapotty that will increase the time people have to wait in line at a concert. I forecast that this will be a self-correcting system: whoever has to go really badly and is forced to wait in line too long will, um, do something to the terminal once they get inside. Figuring out exactly what is left as an exercise to the reader.
- First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then ???, then profit.
I'm no Luddite, but the question for me is: why would anyone want this?
Have we really gotten to the point where we can't leave the rat race long enough to use the bathroom? Can't your stock quotes wait while you relieve yourself?
It'll be a sad day when there's a market for this.
I thought Apple made iLoos.
Well you know, you can't wipe with flat screen monitor after you read :)
Hyperom.com
porto san comes porno san!
I mean, you could video conference via WiFi with other people in iLoos all over the world.
I don't feel comfortable toutching ANYTHING in a portajohn, much less a keyboard thats been toutched by god knows how many people. I guess Microsoft realized the average keyboard is dirtier than your average toilet seat so by combining the two filth magnets they can corner the the future germ based computing maret
their looXP is still in development.
I know you are psychotic, but please make an effort.
Oh sheesh... that is about that last damn thing I need a talking paper clip to ask me if I need help doing!
When my one-year-old got the Fisher Price toddler-table for Christmas, I noticed that it advertised Microsoft "smart technology."
I thought, hey, at last Microsoft is developing stuff that is more on their level. Maybe we'll start seeing some premier quality come out of Redmond.
But the damn thing couldn't even count to three properly, so my hopes were most cruely dashed.
Anyway, here we go again. The iLoo sounds like something that might be, er, right up their alley. Except I think they should keep the Internet out of it - I'm thinking the iLoo ought to start out as a nice little trainer potty, so I can haul my kid up on the crapper and the toilet actually motivates him to do his thing.
I envision a flashing toilet handle that becomes enabled, complete with the "Grand Old Duke of York" anthem. Activating this flush mechanism would initiate a stunning light show, pulsing from the turbulent waters, glorifying the contents within! Naturally, these wonderful features would only come to life once the toilet has detected a suitable change of contents.
The poop would get flushed right to Redmond, where Microsoft would wrap it up in aluminum foil and sell it as candy. People would buy it too.
I'm gonna WIPE MY ASS with it!
Slashdot Eds Link Anonymous Posts With Logged Posts
They Are Vermin Feeding On Each Other's Feces.
I Hate \.
Yes, but as long as it doesn't have a kitchen sink, I'm not buying it. :-|
More than mere navel gazing.
First of all, I commend everyone on slashdot for not having a whole slew of porn jokes. Then again, I must just be browsing at +4.
If this isn't a joke, wouldn't Apple jump down their throats for using the the lowercase "i" before words? They seem to get up in arms with any other company doing it.
Do you REALLY want to touch that KB after it's been in the hands of hundreds of people before you? Hands that have been touching areas that you may not want to touch? Hmm... Makes me think that the world has definitely gone insane.
Un-news
Infectious Disease
The article stated that MSN saw a decline of 300,000 users in the first quarter of this year. That's a lot of people shitting on MSN even without the deployment of MSN toilets.
This product opens up an opportunity for a whole new Microsoft slogan:--CTH
--Got Lists? | Top 95 Star Wars Line
Maybe they don't give a crap (no pun intended) about whether the product is successful or not. They do say that it's a publicity stunt, so the only thing they care about is people talking about the company in whatever way (good or bad, it's still better that no talk at all).
Now the question would be why the hell would MS try a publicity stunt like this, because they surely don't need it. Unless some "genius" figured out that since people will say "MS is shit" anyway, they may as well try to make people think it's because of those loos and not their OS...
The ENIAC Demo Competition
All hail the iToilet!
"Smoking helps you lose weight - one lung at a time" -- A. E. Neumann
In other news: Apple announces MicroCrapper.
I don't know about you, but I would want to spend as little time as possible in a festival toilet. and try to avoid as much as possible. Even if they clean them several times every day it still not a pretty sight. And if you by mistake catches view down the hole with the pile of shit, eew, no food for the next couple of hours.
my sig
Notice how they're targetting portapotties. Guess Microsoft isn't up to the effort of implimenting flushing a toilet.
Help us build a better map!
If you can't be bothered to get up from your computer long enough to take a potty break, you've got a much bigger problem than just 'holding it.'
All of a sudden, Microsoft's closing line from the old W95 shutdown process comes to mind.
"It is now safe to turn off your computer."
Think about it.
Bruce Lane, KC7GR,
Blue Feather Technologies
This submission should have the funny feet logo... /*Why is there a penguin on my desktop*/
i love this logo...
The lunatic is in my head
including the thingy that spritzes hot water up your butt
That's because in most Asian countries, the preferred thing to do is not to wipe your butt after doing your "business" but to wash it.
Take-off every
and, er, in France.. which, i believe, is where the Bidet in question was first invented. Bidet being french for "Cleaning your arse", or somesuch.
They better be connected to broadband or its going to be a real pisser.
First, there's the concept, which is complete bunk. Secondly, the name works off of Apple's scheme.
A local paper printed a variant on a snopes story Thursday. That doesn't make it suddenly true.
What happens if someone under the legal age to view pornography in the UK makes use of the network to start viewing porn? Wouldn't MS and the guard be liable for criminal and civil damages? Or do they have Net Nanny or something in there?
Could you imagine, not being able to go to the bathroom without your NetNanny?
Get off my launchpad!
That's CRAPTACULAR!
Some Msft genie-ass simply plagurized This
try { do() || do_not(); } catch (JediException err) { yoda(err); }
THIS
try { do() || do_not(); } catch (JediException err) { yoda(err); }
Does it come with a printer? It would be really usefull as a backup stash of paper. I love using the printer paper stash when I am out of paper at the office...
And wiping your ass with the MSN site might be fun for just once (ouch).
It's the best damned place for them!
Don't take life too seriously. It is only a temporary situation. Usual disclaimers apply.
on the can.
I know you are psychotic, but please make an effort.
http://www.microsoft.com/uk/press/content/presscen tre/releases/2003/05/PR03049.asp
Liberty uber alles.
It makes someone wondering, if this is an another MicroSoft Marketig Stunt?
:P
Does anyone remember the Microsoft's future home presentation at Microsoft showcase? They had high tech home build, but forgot create potty in that home. Maybe, in near future, people won't have need for going to restroom anymore. I think this is good example of evil Bill in pissy mood and ordered for futuristic dumper and this is what arse kissing MS research employees came up with just to please Bill. Ha!
There are few basic things to think about this high-tech potty.
1) serious health harzard.
2) have you tried going to shitter while you were watching porn, both voluntary and involuntary. You know there are millions of pop-up porn ad with seductive photos attached to it. Having to poo-poo while having a woody is a different matter!
3) do you really want to get an e-mail and hear about his/her constipation?
4) Creation often reflects one's unconsciousness mind.
Does this mean that Microsoft engineer's heads are full with shit?
I prefer old fashioned white porcelain potty to go with any newspaper / magazine.
At most festivals, the toilets become unuseable by the end. I don't know how it happens, but you get piss and shit every where - on the toilet, on the floor, even on the roof sometimes. I hope they come up with some way of making all their gear water and shit resistant.
If I seem short sighted, it is because I stand on the shoulders of midgets
Don't understand how keeping the lines even longer for the port-a-shitter will help any . . .
How about having the Onion patent the idea? they obviously have the prior art... I wonder how much Microsoft would pay for the patent?
The buttons have pictures, typically little or no labeling.
Hint: the pink one is for girls, the blue one is for boys. The pictures aren't the best, but the blue one showing a stylized jet of water hitting somebody's butt should be a pretty good clue as to what comes next.
Good ones let you adjust the water pressure, too.
"Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day; set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life
Didn't Apple invent this?
Just another example of MS stealing everyone else's crap! And, frankly, what do they want with my fesces? Are they going to ANALyze it to find out what I'm eating so they can sell it to me on MSN?
Time to start eating more Corn on the Cob.
-Joe
If we're all god's children, what's so special about Jesus? - Jimmy Carr
I showed this to my wife (yes, I'm one of lucky slashdotters that gets laid occasionally!), and she noticed that in plural, they would be called 'iLoos'... which sounds an awful lot like "I Lose".
Microsoft's R&D AND marketing should be demoted for this one...
-db
The one place where I just want to take a load off and get away from it all for about 5-20 minutes.... there's now a computer in there. And running on M$, of all things.
Now maybe something like this at home wouldn't be a bad idea, as long as it's running some other OS.
Another service spammers can abuse to anonymously send us their shit.
Edith Keeler Must Die
Hey, look! Dad's on TV!
--
"Outlook not so good." That magic 8-ball knows everything! I'll ask about Exchange Server next.
... iCrapper.
It will come in several different pleasing colors, but the toilet will have no handle, you will need to flush by clicking on the toilet icon. Setup will be a breeze, but if the software fails, you will see a big poo icon and a cryptic error code.
Alas, I couldn't use it, because I have an incompatible Microsoft ass: big, bloated and full of s--t.
You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike.
The Designed for Microsoft Windows sticker is attached on my toilet for years.
<input type sh1t>
Wenn ist das Nunstueck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput.
What if you ass BSODs on you?
(Please, no in Soviet Russian jokes!)
You can't handle the truth.
But have you even read the article? You don't actually touch the keyboard - an annoying paperclip tells you what you actually wanted to type instead...
It's an accepted phenomenon in the advertising world - Negative marketing is better than no marketing.
retrorocket.o not found, launch anyway?
Microsoft bitched a storm when Lindows came out.
Now they're stealing...errrr, "mimicing" Apple nomenclature?
Buffer overflow anybody?
Aren't you glad it wasn't the ATR (Automated Tampon Remover) :-) You'd have been using the pink buttons the rest of your life.
This gives new meaning to the term "Packet Sniffing"!
I think after the first time some drunk idiot pees on the keyboard they'll rethink their strategy.
Maybe they should install urinal game controllers instead.
Finally a place where I can shit, piss, jerk off and look at porn without the wife catching me...I want one now.
All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.
This is one machine you don't want to catch a virus off.
All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.
P2P
"The cup... the drop... it's a YES!"
Presumably the first installation will be in Looe, Cornwall.
.. dumping core ;-)
Yeah, yeah, full of it. I shudder to think what will happen if you fail to patch this baby in time. Things will hit the fan, er..
= C =
Insert
Gives a whole new meaning to sticky keys...
Remember, for every CD you purchase, you give the RIAA that much more power. RIAA = SCO = IP terrorists. Any questio