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Scout Walker Kama Sutra

EvilXenu writes "What two things go better together than Star Wars and sex? Be sure to don your peril-sensitive glass before visiting. Graphical descriptions abound, such as: 'This is one of the few practical positions in which turretal stimulation of the rear sensor array can be comfortably attempted for any length of time without both of you having to disengage your leg stirrups.'"

59 of 269 comments (clear)

  1. Welcome ! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    I, for one, look forward to welcoming our new erotic Imperial war machine overlords.

    1. Re:Welcome ! by The+Only+Druid · · Score: 3, Informative

      The original quote is a reference to the Simpsons episode "Deep Space Homer", wherein Kent Brockman mistakenly believes that the Space Shuttle has been over-run by Alien Ants, whom he then swears allegiance to. A recent slashdot post included a rather detailed examination of this.

      --
      "Stumble before you crawl"
  2. And I said... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    "Hey baby, wanna check out my light saber?" And then I pulled out my fully functional light saber, and she left.

  3. Question by BAPenguin · · Score: 5, Funny

    Will this be a Star Wars Galaxies expanision pack?

  4. Yoda says by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Begin, this porn war has.

  5. Re:argh. slashdotted by Lord+Custos · · Score: 5, Funny

    Now the site is almost unresponsive
    Improper lubrication Error.
    Disengage procreator in ODN Conduit u01.
    Inject 10W40 into port.
    If this error repeats, reboot libido and try again.

  6. What things go better together indeed (?) by Rosco+P.+Coltrane · · Score: 4, Funny

    What two things go better together than Star Wars and sex?

    This guy has been dreaming of those erectile light-sabers a little too much.

    --
    "A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of" - Ogden Nash
    1. Re:What things go better together indeed (?) by los+furtive · · Score: 4, Funny

      This guy has been dreaming of those erectile light-sabers a little too much.

      Click here to add 2-6 inches to your light-sabre in only three months!

      --

      I'm a writer, a poet, a genius, I know it. I don't buy software, I grow it.

  7. Re:argh. slashdotted by Zeinfeld · · Score: 4, Funny
    I was half way through chapter 6. Now the site is almost unresponsive.

    This type of story is exactly the sort of thing that fuels geek sterotypes as people with no social life who can't get laid.

    Perhaps because it is the type of project that can only be tried by people with no social life who can't get laid.

    --
    Looking for an Information Security student project suggestion?
    Try http://dotcrimeManifesto.com/
  8. Oh, baby... by Lord+Custos · · Score: 5, Funny

    You, Me...and an AT-AT Walker... ...
    Hey, Baby...don't be like that. No-one will ever know you got freaky with a robeast of the four-legged persuasion.
    Uh...what are you doing with that tow cable and thermite grenade?

  9. Mmmmm... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Insightful

    Princess Leia in a gold bikini. Jabba was a smart man.

  10. Humorous quote by Gryftir · · Score: 2, Funny

    "Far better to lean back, look up at the sky and blast off a few bolts in pleasure where they can do little harm. Be careful of airborne wildlife though - it's not only gratuitous and irresponsible to incinerate fowl in the throes of passion, but it's also something of a passion-killer when frying avian corpses begin to land on you. Be warned: this may even develop into a perverse requirement for gratification if done often enough at the vital moments.

    Stories abound, however, that on Targus IV the course of battle was turned fortuitously by a gouging scoutwalker giving so much pleasure that its virginal recipient quite unknowingly blasted three entire attack wings of Targan Light Cruisers - on their way to defend the crumbling front line - clean out of the sky as they shot overhead."

    from The Gouging Bull, under the Oral sex link

    --
    http://www.santacruzbynight.com/index.shtml Santa Cruz By Night Vampire Larp
  11. To be fair by Faust7 · · Score: 5, Funny

    What two things go better together than Star Wars and sex?

    Linux and sex. Duh.

    1. Re:To be fair by SaDan · · Score: 5, Funny
      What two things go better together than Star Wars and sex?

      Linux and sex. Duh.


      I'd have said a woman and sex. But maybe I'm the freak around here...
    2. Re:To be fair by Carrion+Creeper · · Score: 5, Funny

      What two things go better together than Star Wars and sex?

      Linux and sex. Duh.


      not if you have all of your ports properly blocked off

    3. Re:To be fair by justforaday · · Score: 2, Funny

      What two things go better together than Star Wars and sex?

      Linux and sex. Duh.


      shows what i know...i would've answered linux and star wars... :-/

      --
      I'll turn into a supernova and burn up everything. Well I'll turn into a black little hole and you'll turn into string.
    4. Re:To be fair by renard · · Score: 3, Funny
      Linux and sex. Duh.

      Thus doth Faust7 give wholly new meaning to the phrase karma whore...

      -renard

  12. But as we all know... by rasafras · · Score: 5, Funny

    This is of no practical use to slashdotters.

    1. Re:But as we all know... by Phyz · · Score: 3, Funny

      nonsense, I'm sure there are slashdotters that revel at the thought of Star Wars

    2. Re:But as we all know... by sharkey · · Score: 4, Funny
      This is of no practical use to slashdotters.

      Is this of pratical use to ANYBODY?

      --

      --
      "Outlook not so good." That magic 8-ball knows everything! I'll ask about Exchange Server next.
  13. Ow by IIRCAFAIKIANAL · · Score: 5, Funny

    My brain just made this popping noise when I tried to figure out who the audience for this could possibly be...

    Christ, I think I let the smoke out. Thanks a lot, Slashdot....

    --
    Robots are everywhere, and they eat old people's medicine for fuel.
    1. Re:Ow by IIRCAFAIKIANAL · · Score: 2, Funny

      Hey, there was just an ad for Star Trek enterprise. Something about needing three to mate, and pictures.

      Man, if we could somehow channel all this horny geek energy into, say, operating system development, we could have a free unix clone of some kind, i bet...

      --
      Robots are everywhere, and they eat old people's medicine for fuel.
    2. Re:Ow by telstar · · Score: 2, Funny
      "Christ, I think I let the smoke out. Thanks a lot, Slashdot...."
      • I assume you're referring to the fact that it's smoke that makes chips work? After all, when the chips start smoking, they stop working...

    3. Re:Ow by IIRCAFAIKIANAL · · Score: 2, Funny

      Heh, at least one person got it. =)

      I'm a robot, dontcha know?

      --
      Robots are everywhere, and they eat old people's medicine for fuel.
  14. I read "anal sex" by bindman · · Score: 2, Informative

    My woman loves anal sex. Sensory input in the region where the sun don't usually shine is pure bliss (so she says). This star wars stuff is getting out of control. Ever wonder what goes on upstairs in the Star Trek bar they have there on the Enterprise?

    1. Re:I read "anal sex" by tds67 · · Score: 3, Funny
      My woman loves anal sex. Sensory input in the region where the sun don't usually shine is pure bliss (so she says).

      Ah, yes...the dark side of the force.

  15. Dumbest Thing on the Internet by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Insightful

    I am fully prepared to certify this site as the "Dumbest Thing on the Internet." Officially. Lord knows we've seen a lot, haven't we, brothers and sisters, lo these past few years? AmIhot/annoying, dancing baby, Mahir, Star Wars Kid, that Peter Pan Guy. But here on this day August 16th, 2003, I think we can say this is easily the most egregious waste of bandwidth ever.

    I feel dimished for having clicked it, but somehow renewed and newly energized for having survived the experience.

    It's all sunshine and lollypops from here on out, kids.

    -- Spudnuts

    1. Re:Dumbest Thing on the Internet by Chazmati · · Score: 4, Insightful

      I thought it was kind of funny. Yeah, it's adolescent to take pictures of your toys in sexual positions, but some of his descriptions were pretty funny, especially if you've ever read the Kama Sutra. "The Otter and the Clam"? Think about that.

  16. Re:argh. slashdotted by vjmurphy · · Score: 2, Funny

    "I was half way through chapter 6. Now the site is almost unresponsive. "

    You got that far? I was still trying to get into Position 2 in Chapter 3. But my partner Scout Walker has a "sensor-ache" so she turned around and powered off.

    Hmmm, is there a chapter on Scout Walker Self Love...

    --
    Vincent J. Murphy
    Spandex Justice
  17. Darth Hungus by Cornelius+Chesterfie · · Score: 4, Funny

    I find your lack of pants disturbing.

  18. This raises a whole bunch of questions: by JRHelgeson · · Score: 3, Funny
    What kind of lube do they use? Would KY cause them to rust? Baby oil out of the question?

    They probably use WD40 or 10w30 for massage, and wheel bearing grease as anal lube.

    --
    Good security is based upon reality and common sense. Common sense is a function of having common knowledge.
    1. Re:This raises a whole bunch of questions: by flikx · · Score: 3, Informative

      Baby oil (mineral oil) is what I use for lubing up robots. My robot has derlin blocks holding aluminum rods that slide through to brace the pneumatic cylinders from lateral forces. Petroleum lubricants will destroy the derlin.

      --
      One future, two choices. Oppose them or let them destroy us.
    2. Re:This raises a whole bunch of questions: by barzok · · Score: 3, Funny

      Sardine oil, of course.

  19. Mod parent up! by toddestan · · Score: 2, Funny

    I was about to post basically the same thing, but I see it has already been done. I agree that has to be the biggest waste of time ever, right up there with the site that has plastic lawn furniture sex.

    Oh well.... now back to rating people on hotornot.com

    1. Re:Mod parent up! by segment · · Score: 2, Funny

      damnit I wish I had the link still to this one site where the geeks would post obnoxious sites about robots and how humans would somehow interact with them for sex... Someone has been looking at AI with gang bang girls right after that one tooooooo many times

  20. Re:sex? what's that? by EvilTwinSkippy · · Score: 2, Funny

    I'm married. My wife would kill me if I raised my hand.

    --
    "Learning is not compulsory... neither is survival."
    --Dr.W.Edwards Deming
  21. Re:amazing. by bersl2 · · Score: 2

    Imagine what would have happened if they'd done this with Disney characters instead... WWDD?

    They'd be C&D'ed within 48 hours of discovery.

    That's why you put a disclaimer that prevents all representatives of Company X, Y, and Z (which includes lawyers) from continuing past the front page, and you claim what you are doing is parody, which is, IIRC, fair use.

    To quote somebody who has done this: "I will spit in the eye of the eternal copyright.... Free speech does not protect me. The claim of parody is a flimsy tin shield before the hordes of bloodthirsty lawyers. Copyright law is an ever-shifting quicksand beneath my feet...."

  22. Darth Lube by xQuarkDS9x · · Score: 2, Funny

    I find your lack of librication disturbing...

    --
    You must master your joystick like a fisherman masters bait! - Gimpy
  23. What, no gold bikini shots? by cblguy · · Score: 4, Funny
    A scout walker in a gold bikini woulda been hot! Whenever I think of a sexy Star Wars moment... Either that, or kissing my sister.. wait. Yuck!

    This site reminds me of Furnitureporn.com

  24. Re:This is wrong. by va1entino · · Score: 2, Insightful

    Dude, seriously. It's not even funny. Just really, really stupid.

  25. Sex and Star Wars by Henry+V+.009 · · Score: 4, Funny

    I think that the sex that was in Star Wars scarred enough of us as is. You had Luke and Leia getting it on in the first movie. Then comes the revelation that they were brother and sister. Han Solo and Chewbacca are evidently a pair of 'nature's bachelors,' having found pleasure together on their space boat (which makes them sailors too). Really, the least objectionable scene of sexuality in the entire first series is when Leia is raped by a huge green tentacle monster named Jaba the Hutt. I think that there was a 4-8 breasted exotic dancer in one of the movies, but I might be mixed up on that. On the other hand, it would fit in nicely with Lucas' stagnant adolescent sexuality.

    I could go on and describe the awkward sex in the new series, but that would involve watching that shit.

  26. Re:wow by EvilTwinSkippy · · Score: 2, Funny

    Careful. WOW is WOW backwards. I've had the grammer Nazi's catch me on that a few times.

    --
    "Learning is not compulsory... neither is survival."
    --Dr.W.Edwards Deming
  27. Full empoyment... by Bartlet · · Score: 5, Funny

    Proof to gentle society that it NEEDS to keep us employed. This was just a warning shot of those with "free" time. :-)

  28. I think I speak for all of /. by Lord_Dweomer · · Score: 4, Funny
    I sure as hell don't want to see this website creators next sexual foray in to the Star Wars Universe....I think I can speak for all of us at /. when I say:

    STEP AWAY FROM THE EWOK!

    --
    Buy Steampunk Clothing Online!
  29. Huh? by coene · · Score: 4, Funny

    What two things go better together than Star Wars and sex?

    Women and Sex?

  30. New sex phrase... by MoeMoe · · Score: 4, Funny

    Forget "Who's your daddy?!"

    The time for "Who's your father?! has come.

    --
    Business \Busi"ness\, n.;
    A scam in which all people involved perceive as beneficial...
  31. It's reassuring... by spac · · Score: 4, Insightful

    People like this make me realize how lucky I am to have a life.

    Thanks guys!

  32. Re:argh. slashdotted by quinto2000 · · Score: 2, Funny

    And you have succeeded in proving that...you are the geekiest geek. Congratulations. Not sure what prize comes with that.

    --
    Ceci n'est pas un post
  33. Re:wow by gamgee5273 · · Score: 2, Informative
    Here comes the Spelling Nazi:

    It's "grammar," not "grammer."

    Now I have to find someone else to reply to other than you. People might start talking...especially in this thread.

  34. Let me get this straight. by Raven42rac · · Score: 5, Funny

    I submit a story about avoiding future blackouts and it gets rejected in favor of this tripe? Jesus.

    --
    I hate sigs.
  35. And she said... by ArsSineArtificio · · Score: 5, Funny

    "Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"

    --
    All employees must wash hands before seeking equitable relief.
  36. That ain't right! by breon.halling · · Score: 2, Funny

    Adventure? Excitement? A Jedi craves not these things.
    --
    "Yeah, well, Dracula called and he's coming over tonight for you and I said okay."
  37. I'm not sure which is more disturbing... by IDigUNIX · · Score: 2, Insightful

    ...the fact that someone spent the time/creativity to create the website...
    ...or the fact that it's currently /.'ed.

  38. 'Star Wars' Euphemisms for Masturbation by The-Bus · · Score: 4, Funny

    Shooting Womprats in Beggar's Canyon
    Grooming the Wookie
    Making the Kessel Run
    Polishing Vader's Helmet
    Evacuating Tatooine
    Unsheathing the Meatsaber
    Releasing the Special Edition
    Jumping to Delight Speed
    Communicating with Red Leader One
    Lightsaber Practice with Captain Solo
    Tinkering With the R2 Unit
    Manually Targeting the Rebel Base
    Performing the Jedi Hand Trick
    Scratching Yoda Behind the Ears
    Test Firing the Death Star

    --

    Small potatoes make the steak look bigger.

  39. Star Wars != Sex by 010_digital_100 · · Score: 2, Funny
    Star Wars and Sex? In the same Sentence?

    Its like Dogs and cats, living together, mass hysteria!

    --
  40. hmm by LittleBigLui · · Score: 3, Funny

    *wave hand* This is not the pr0n you are looking for.

    --
    Free as in mason.
  41. Re:Unfortunately... by KillerLoop · · Score: 2, Insightful
  42. Don't forget by Ctrl-Alt-Del · · Score: 2, Funny

    Choking Jar-Jar

    Just like IRL and euphemistically, surely what every SW fan really wants to do.

    --
    "Life is like a sewer - what you get out of it depends on what you put into it" - Tom Lehrer
  43. Your Freudian Slip is showing by duck_prime · · Score: 2, Funny
    You write:

    Let me get this straight

    And get all huffy about geek sex innuendos? Sheesh. At least the rest of us are honest about it.