Slashdot Mirror
Online Dating Advice?
frankgod asks: "I'm a 25/M/US geek who managed to get through school with my singleness intact. I plan on staying single for a while into the future, but I am considering online dating in addition to other methods of meeting local women for casual dating. Any advice on particular sites and tweaking profiles or search results? I've looked at eHarmony , Lavalife (sparse local results) and Match.com (seems to be best of the bunch.)"
And not asking Slashdot? Do things that interest you, and you'll probably meet people with similar interests.
HA! It is bad enough when people ask for legal advice on slashdot, but now they are asking for dating advice?
What would be the IANAL equivalent? IASAV (still a virgin)?
No sig
eHarmony is run by a religious guy as I remember. You spend like an hour or two going through this huge questionaire which promises to match you with somebody compatible.
Then at the end of it basically if you are not strongly xtian (it figures from the questions) you are likely as not to get a message saying that they are unable to provide service to you.
I wouldn't mind them only serving the religous, but they should say so up front to save people wasting a couple hours for no good reason!
Google usenet and you'll find many cases such as this one.
you seem to make it seem like an accomplishment.
/. should be nominated for the nobel prize.
sorry to break it to you buddy
you're an ametur in a crowd of professionals. if that's an accomplishment, all of
and let's not turn this into a 200-reply thread about marriage. it seems to happen a lot whenever the issue is raised.
-- If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done? - Uli's moose
If you have to post this as an "Ask Slashdot" you have no hope at all. You are however, not "alone". Terrible pun.
Most of the people on these sites are there for a reason, they have little/no social skills and are always werid freaks. My flatmate brings enough women home to please the US Navy fleet, but he meets them all online. They're ALL either divorced or single mothers and they're all desperate to get married.
Good luck though!
What-r-u-nuts? Get married NOW. That way, you can get that much close to your second marrage; the one that you will be happy with. (Just don't have kids in the first one.)
(Go ahead...mod this as funny. The old guys know I'm not joking.)
A firewall can not protect you from yourself. Turn off what you do not need. Do not use the firewall to do your work.
Having tried online personals for a while, I can tell you this: Most of the ads are fake -- escort services, fake pictures, lame assholes trying to f with people. You'll have better luck down at the local bar.
If you're looking for "casual" dating, eHarmony is out. Even they will tell you that. Match.com is probably the best known, and so it's probably also your best bet.
One of my friends was just married to a woman that he met on JDate.com
:P
Quote: "Highly recommended."
Unfortunately, I don't have any more to add to the anecdote. Happily, I'm married so I don't have to use it
Also, don't rule out Friendster.
"but I am considering online dating in addition to other methods of meeting local women for casual dating."
Your post reads like a functional spec for some implementation:
"the approproiate function should directly or indirectly provide methods to locate female interaction in convenient proximity to the user's house in timely manner."
That's just weird, man.
Stop working so much. Get out and interact and live! Stop thinking like an engineer and treat other people like normal human, living creatures.
I used it and am now living with the girl i will probably marry. I just decided to be myself and ran into someone I really liked. Match.com also worked for a few hookups for one night stands with pretty cool chicks.
I have heard a lot of good things about http://www.underthehuppah.com. Several friends have found dating parters there they are very happy with on the site (I am fortunate enough to already have a wonderful partner, or I would sign up as well).
It's a site geared towards Hebrew Christian and Messianic Jewish dating, but even if you don't fall under one of these categories, it's a great site, with a lot of people.
Good luck!
Karma: Marginal (mostly due to the border around the website)
If you want casual dating, just start asking girls that you meet (it helps if you at least know them a little) if they'd like to go out to dinner- just something friendly and casual. I think I would rather pick the people I ask out rather than having a system pick for me.
But above that, I would work on seperating (intimate) relationships from intimate (in a Platonic sense) or casual friendships. If you're just looking for someone to spend time with, let the person be your friend and no more. Mixing the two doesn't work. If you want a relationship, make it a serious, committed relationship and not a "no commitments" thing. That usually doesn't work because once emotions (inevitably) get involved, one of the two won't want to let go, and that leads to ruined friendships.
Just my advice, from my experience. But I made the mistake the first time, and this time I got it right. I'm now engaged to the girl who I've been seriously dating for two years, and we're best friends because we take things seriously, not casually.
I'd say if you want something casual, stick to hanging out with friends and having fun that way. I think it works out better in the long run.
eharmony.com: only for people who are abjectly terrified of meeting people. They jump through tons of hoops to make sure you won't ever have to talk to people you might not like. This site is only for people who are unwilling to take risks. Frankly, I don't know how one can date at all without taking risks so I think this site is dumb.
match.com: the biggest, but also one of the most annoying. Their user interface is horrible (you may have to try several browsers or (eek) IE), they delete your emails, and it's expensive ($20/month). Frankly after sending messages to people for a while it's useful to go back and see who you've emailed before and what you said. Because most of the time, the first email will go unanswered.
Spring Street Networks: These guys have a number of sites including personals.theonion.com, personals.nerve.com, and about 12 others. This has some of the most clever, interesting personals out there. They're also cheap. You buy "credits" and use them when you want to (usually $1 to email someone -- but only the first time). So unless you're contacting a lot of people, It's very difficult to work up to the $20/month the other sites charge.
personals.yahoo.com: Also a decent site, personals are less interesting than spring street, but they have more people. The link to yahoo's instant messenger is nice too.
hotornot.com: (and similar) So simple even a monkey could figure it out, so monkeys generally do. It's nice because it's noncommittal. On the other sites, many people are basically looking for a husband, or a commitment from the first. Personally, I can't meet people under those kind of expectations. Maybe after a while, but not up front. So it's eas(ier) to meet people casually. It's also pretty cheap. $6/month, IIRC.
Online dating is a weird thing. It went basically nowhere for me and I gave up after about a year. I moved to a new place and didn't know anyone so thought this might be interesting. However you end up only meeting people one-on-one. Nobody wants to invite someone they met online to go out in a group of friends. Everyone feels weird about it. So, it was an awful way to build a circle of friends in a new place. Expect that you will only get responses about 1/10 of the time. The ratio of guys to girls on these sites is terrible. Also guys will have to write people, often. You have to work hard at it.
Lastly, work on your profile. Most profiles are shit. Pay attention to what you like and dislike in other profiles, and continue to improve yours. Chances are it will suck at the start, but will get better. Also get a good picture of yourself. It's important.
My suggestion is to not let others, ie your friends and family, dictate to you what you should be doing socially. My friends collectively concern themselves more with my singleness than I do. I know my mother prays for her heathen son to find a nice Christian girl. They think it's a big deal that I've been single for so long, and I'm sure they think I'm getting desperate. Yet one even said I don't look desperate. I actually love not having to answer to anyone about where I am or what I'm doing. Even with the most casual relationship, this tension is apparent. I'm not saying don't 'get married' or 'stay away from women, they're all gold diggers'. Make up your own mind about what you want.
Someone hates these cans.
http://www.swinglifestyle.com/
swinging is good for the folks that want sex and friendship, but not ridgid relationships.
I already posted that I don't think eHarmony is right for this particular person, but perhaps it'll work for someone else. So here's my experience with it, so far.
:)
First, you fill out a *very* long questionare. Once that was done ( over an hour ), it came back and said it had no matches for me. That's pretty depressing. I gradually expanded the search parameters (there are a few things, such as location, that you can control)... before long I had eHarmony telling me there was no one anywhere in the world for me! I had always suspected it, but you hate to have a computer confirm it.
About three or four days later, it got a hit. The next day, it got four more hits. I've yet to figure out the algorithm.... it's not rate limiting, but the hits seem to come in batches. Some people just signed up, but others seem to have been there for awhile.
Anyway, I've been a member since June, and have gotten over 50 hits with it. Of those 50, only 5 have I dismissed right away. Most of the rest never respond to me (if you take the questionaire, you show up as a match, but can't communicate unless you pay the money. No doubt a lot of the never-responders are people who aren't interested enough to pay).
I've actually communicated with only four people from the system, and only gone on any dates with one of them. It's too early to say how that's going...
For me, it works. I'm not the sort of person who wants to date casually... I'm not going to go out with someone just to have a date on Saturday night. If I'm going out with someone, it's because I'm really interested in them, or at least interested in becoming more interested.
I'm not sure I agree with all the tenants of eHarmony... I think they are more interested in creating "stable" relationships then they are in "good" relationships. Their argument would probably be that they can do the "stable" with statistics, and it's up to the people to decide on the "good". Maybe that's fair.
Yeah, but you actually got a response from a female. :)
www.orkut.com
and
www.okcupid.com
For friends or dating.
Read the ladder theory first
"The ladder theory is a theory of adult male/female interaction.
It has its basis in many years of sociological field testing.
It was first conceptualized in 1994 in Exeter, CA.
My acknowledgements to Jared Whitson for his role in formalizing the theory"
I have had a profile up on a Spring Street Networks affiliate. I signed up through Nerve.com about three years ago. That means I have had a profile up on that site longer than most other people.
Springstreet handles the personals for a billion sites, including boston.com, the Onion, Fark, and others.
I have gone on about a dozen "dates" during that time, and met some really cool people. I dated a couple for over three months. Springstreet does cater to a somewhat older crowd than your typical Yahoo! personals. It also has a wide variety, since it pulls from so many sites.
I also have a profile on okcupid.com. It is a little more cheesy, but... I have met a few people off of there. More of them are going for "online penpals", to some degree.
Some suggestions: As a male, you have to really work to set your profile apart from others. Be funny, be original. Look at a bunch of ads and see what catches your eye. Look through both males and females. Copy that. Change it regularly. Quantity is good.
PUT UP A PICTURE. Make it a normal headshot, nothing too strange.
BE HONEST! If you are planning on ever meeting these people, they will figure out what is true and not very quickly. Also, honesty helps make your profile even more appealing. It makes you more human, and more approachable.
Read through personals. Read a lot of them before you ever write to someone. Figure out what you like and what you do not like.
When you start writing to someone, comment on their profile. Ask them questions about it. Usually after about 4-5 days of conversing online (usually via email), I will suggest meeting in person. Suggest going out for coffee, at a public location. Make them feel safe. Do not have a first meeting be too involved - dinner might be too much commitment to someone they have never met. Maybe miniature golf. Something where you are able to talk - a movie is not a good idea.
DO NOT AUTOMATICALLY DISMISS ANYONE! if someone writes you, take the courtesy of writing back. I always wait until I meet them in person before making my final decision. Some people just go not come across well online.
BE PATIENT! I have responded to a ton of people, and had a ton of people respond to me (I was a "featured personal of the day" on boston.com one weekend. Got about eight responses in as many hours). A lot of times they do not pan out. The emails stop, or the first meeting is awkward, or... Get used to rejection. Remember - practice makes perfect! Each time I meet a new person for the first time, it is easier than the last. I am now pretty conformable with it, and I am comfortable when I know it is not going well.
[Oh, and I met one person this past weekend. It did not go really well. I am meeting one person tomorrow for the first time (we first started talking back in June!), and another one this Saturday. That is right, I am single again!]
- (c) 2018 Hank Zimmerman
not trying to be offensive or funny but this is really sad. you need a good crop of freinds to meet women. online dating is so shameful. you need to find a group of people you are comfortable with (a group of geeks?) and then through them you will meet women. talk to those women, develop freindships and see who is right for you. sooner or later you will find a woman you like. the internet is for other things.
am i wrong?
i'm trying to give up sigs.
(1) Get AOL account for $14.95 per month with your own ISP. Go to local AOL chat rooms. You will find plenty of girls there and with a month's effort, you will definitely get laid or find a gf or a wife!
(2) www.OKCUPID.com = Free dating site started by geeks but very popular and its 10 times better than match.com or eharmony.com and absolutely free and has thousands of members (hundreds in your local area)! Try it!
I tried match.com for a while - a good friend met her now husband on match.com. I had a number of fun dates but I met my wife in "real life".
After his divorce, my boss tried match.com, e-harmony.com, table for six and at least one or two others. He has been steadily & exclusively dating for many months now. I don't recall which one scored the hit but when I asked him which had the highest percentage of good dates he rated them as e-harmony #1, table for six #2 and match.com #3 but met nice women on each. I don't know if age is a factor on which service is more successful but he is in his 60s.
The problem with match.com et. al. is that it is way to easy (especially for us geeky types) to carry on great email relationships for weeks/months before actually getting out and meeting someone. Bad idea if you want to meet that special person.
If there is a slight spark on-line, meet for coffee. You may think that someone seems perfect on-line but there are too many other factors that will influence whether or not you click. It may be as simple as looks or perhaps they eat like a slob or talk like a sailor or something else that just "doesn't work" for you. Don't waste time on-line - get out and date. If it doesn't work out you may end up with a friend or just be out the cost of coffee. In any case the practice is good.
(As one of those geeky types who rarely got around to going out I can only say, thank goodness I'm not "practicing" any more. Marriage and baby are great.)
~~~~~~~
"You are not remembered for doing what is expected of you." - Atul Chitnis
They forgot to put the Monty Python foot icon on this story. /. for advice on getting laid? What, are you new here?
Asking
Seriously though, who put you up to this? Shouldn't you have waited till late March to submit this?
Arrogance is Confidence which lacks integrity. -- me
Keep in mind that they don't want you to quit even if you use the free account and do not use the service anymore. Any numbers look good. Formally removing yourself can be a bit of a pain. Google for directions on what you have to do.
(You pay them because you can look but not contact anyone unless you subscribe.)
A firewall can not protect you from yourself. Turn off what you do not need. Do not use the firewall to do your work.
See if your local university has a ballroom dance club or other strongly coed hobby you could pick up. It'll get you first-hand social experience with the opposite sex. I wouldn't use it as a pool of potential mates (that's just not the right frame of mind to go into it), but it should expand your social circle.
From what I've heard, they vary as to operation...in some, you just ask the other person for a phone number. In others, you fill out a preference card and they see who matches up. I can't imagine they're very expensive to participate in...they may be run by non-profits. A friend went to one when I was in LA and liked it.
Sorry, I don't have a specific URL to give you to find these organization, but I'm sure they're not hard to find.
Good luck. Just remember - once you're married, you'll miss being single, so enjoy it ;)
Seriously.
... however ...
... take my advice: jerk off alone [or with friends], buy a hooker every now and then, but don't, don't, don't, get your heart wrapped up in a girl. No matter how strong you are going into the relationship, you will NOT be able to maintain it, and you'll ultimately become a slave to the vagina.
[no pun intended]
It's virtually impossible to find a girl that will put up with a man that does what he want's when he wants (translation: online gaming, working late, etc).
In the beginning, ALL WOMEN are very considerate and "understanding" of your work/play habits. However, as the relationship [inevitably] matures (aka, after the first 6 months), they will begin to pull in the reigns. I've gone into every relationship I've had thinking, "I'm not going to let this one be like the last one; I'm going to call the shots, and do what I want to do; and when I want to do it.".
However, here's the cold hard reality: I will be probably be married within 12 months and my freedom(s) will be gone forever.
Seriously, much like many other geeks, I'm not sure how I let things get to this point. You enter a relationship knowing exactly how things are going to happen, however, within a few months you find yourself fighting tooth and nail just to have a few hours for goofing-off, gaming, etc. My girl gives me plenty of space, and I love her more than anything on the planet - I wouldn't change it for anything...
Disclaimer: Sweetie, if you're reading this, I'm just kidding. hehe.
Don't think that a small group of dedicated individuals can't change the world. It's the only thing that ever has.
OKCupid is an excellent free service run by the guys who ran TheSpark which was one of the more humorous sites on the interweb before it was sold into evil, soul-less capitalism. The site can be quite entertaining without using the match-making capabilities at all, but also allows you to browse "matches" to find potential dates, check it out.
How's my typing? Call 1-800-eta-shut
The uncomfortable fact is that a great many people openly lie on online dating services. True, that's not everybody, but it's a high enough percentage that I don't feel it would be ethical for me to recommend it.
Other people have said "be patient" - and that is extremely true. However, if you're patient enough and enthusiastic enough, you can meet your potential SO in just about any way imaginable. Online dating is like going out and buying another lottery ticket - yes, it increases your chances, and eventually it is going to "work", but there may be more effective methods.
One last thing. Be absolutely, scrupulously honest in your advert. If the girl of your dreams were to read a phony advert from you, then meet you, she's likely to just turn round and walk off. If your honest, and she likes what she sees, then there's an excellent chance she'll carry on liking what she sees. Deceit (even for a casual date) is very rarely a good thing and will likely cause you more problems than it cures.
Ok, that wasn't the last thing. This is. Whatever you do, good luck. When it comes to geeks and dating, luck is an extremely valuable thing to have.
It's a small world and it smells funny; I'd buy another if it wasn't for the money; Take back what I paid (SoM)
Online dating has been one of the most dehumanizing processes I've ever been through. And I used to be in the military.
First things first -- unless you look like a movie star and are super rich, and spend your time jet setting around the world, resign yourself to spending a good deal of money on online dating now. Most dating sites are "controlled" by a subset of women who don't need to spend any money because every Tom, Dick, and Harry is using their credits to contact them. They won't spend a whole lot of time looking for you, because they don't need to. You'll be in a darwinian struggle with a pile of other guys, and if you're not picture-perfect, your not going to get that date you need to show them your personality.
Also remember there are sometimes very good reasons why some of the women you'll meet online are single. I've wound up dating two women who were out patients from psychiatric institions. Now I'm not the kind of guy who stigmatizes people with mental illness, and I think they diserve love and support too -- but these women were too unstable to support any form of relationship, and had serious problems they needed to deal with before they could consider any form of stable relationship.
Also remember that the women you do wind up getting in touch with online often feel like they have a lot of other choices, so if you don't wow them and fill their hearts with desire on the very first date, your chances of a second date are virtually nil. Very, very, very few of the women you meet online are going to take the time to really get to know you -- if you don't immediately fit their expectations, most (in my experience at least) aren't going to invest the time to get to know you.
And if you hold any tenents outside societal norm, you're probably already out of the race. Online dating sites give people the ability to search on specific qualities, and if you don't show up in the average search, you're not going to get anywhere. I'm an athiest and a non-drinker (neither of which I enforce on or expect of others, BTW). My profile doesn't tend to get too many hits (more for the latter than the former, sad to say). I actually had one woman walk out on a date with me when I told her I was an athiest (the site I use doesn't have a selection in their religion combo box for "athiest" -- the closest is "non religious").
(I really hate to pick on so many women as I seem to have done so in this post. I can only guess that many men on online dating sites are the same -- but I don't date men, so I have no experience with their foibles. What few dates I have been on over the years I've been on online dating sites have usually shared their previous experiences, and one common theme with them is meeting men who are nothing like they claim, especially in the looks department).
Remember as well that you're going to be competing with a lot of people who are lying about themselves to make themselves sound better than they are. You can do the same thing -- but most women aren't going to date you again if/when they discover your dishonesty. Still, you're competing with the geekoid down the street who claims he looks like Mel Gibson and Tom Cuise combined, and that makes it exceedingly difficult for you to compete if you're truuthful (and, presumably, don't look like Mel Gibson and/or Tom Cruise).
Yeah, I'm a bit bitter over my experiences. I quit online dating for a long time, but after leaving the military recently signed back on, just to see if things had changed. I'm sad to say that, based on my experience these past few months, they haven't. Now I'm just a bitter old coot nobody would want to date anyway who hangs around /. telling whomever will listen him sad and loney online dating tale :).
Yaz.
Here ya go, http://www.meet-an-inmate.com/. Some of those chicks are cute! At least they were before they went in! Some are getting out in a few months, wait outside the gate with a bouquet of roses and she'll be yours forever. Or at least until your computer gets pawned for crack.
I'm posting here on Slashdot, so obviously my sources of credibility are a little bit shot from the beginning, but hang with me on this, because not only is this good advice, but when you listen to it, you'll realize that it's good advice.
Back when I was 12, I had a crush on a girl in my class, but, like many of you here, I was shy, and embarrassed. Also, at the time, I was a little overweight. (Okay, more than a little ;) ) I had a friend who was cool, and definitely more on the 'in' side of things, and I told him about liking her.
At that point, he told me the most useful dating advice I've ever heard, from then, and up till now. He said, "Ask her out. What's the worse she could say? 'No.'" I've found this to be the key to successful dating, and I'll explain why.
All of the guys who are having trouble dating are like school kids who can't ride a bike, but see other people riding bikes and really want to. The problem is, they're all so afraid of getting skinned knees, that they never even bother to give it a chance. Just like any difficult undertaking, there will always be a chance of getting a little hurt, but, when it comes right down to it, skinned knees aren't the end of the world, and neither is the word 'No'.
So, next time you're out on the street, or at a bar, pool hall, etc., and you see someone you find attractive, walk over to them and ask for their phone number. You know what they'll say? 'No.' But keep doing it for awhile, and you'll soon find that you're a little more comfortable with it, and it doesn't hurt so much. Keep doing it, and you'll learn how to present yourself so she/he is interested, which opens up the dating possibilities.
Doing well with regards to dating doesn't mean you never get hurt, and it doesn't mean you're always successful, but if you get out there and keep trying, you'll meet some really cool people (and some not so cool ones), and you'll end up meeting the woman/man of your dreams. (And sometimes just the woman/man of your dreams for that night ;) ) Good luck!
My friend and I convinced each other to go take salsa lessons at the local salsa joint, and it was one of the smartest things I've ever done.
1) Salsa dancing is very, very un-nerdy. It requires some talent, too, so not just anyone can do it, you have to dedicate some time to it. But then you look pretty good when you do pick it up.
2) Girls like it. It's exciting and fun. (Well, lots do, of course some don't).
3) If you go to the right kinds of places, you can casually dance with lots of people in one evening without it being some big deal. A dance and you're done, no need to buy drinks or talk or anything else if you don't want to. Some girls say yes, some say no, but in the end it helps your confidence a lot. You can tell a lot about someone by how they dance... and changing partners often, you meet a lot of people in one evening.
That's how I met my fiancee`:-)
http://www.welton.it/davidw/
You can always hang out with my friends Jim, Jack, George and the Turkey.
Someone hates these cans.
Go to parties - have your male friends bring their women friends from work and vise versa - that way you avoid the whole "Don't sh*t where you eat" thing.
Join a band - that's good for a number or two per show you play out. This worked very well for me. The success of Billy Joel, Lyle Lovett and Ric Ocasek should provide enough incentive.
Adult education classes - Don't take ANYTHING geek related - that's why you're having trouble in the first place. Take art history - it'll make you more well rounded.
Practice makes perfect, after MANY failures you'll find out what works for you. Always hit on the best looking women in the place - women like confidence. You'll get shot down, but do you really care what some stranger thinks - you shouldn't, so get over it and don't be embarrassed.
Make it a rule that you attempt to get a number EVERYTIME you go out at night - no excuses. Even if she's only a 5 or 6, she may have friends who are a 8,9 or a 10 that you can meet later on if you stay friends. Work out your moves on the low stress situation with the 5 or 6 so that when it really counts, you'll be ok.
Have fun!
..........FULL STOP.
If you are serious, you are a jerk.
If you are not, you are not funny.
IANAL but write like a drunk one.
Seriously. They offered me a refund saying they couldn't help me.
Women will slowly torture you, eventually kill you and then feast on your bones while painting their nails and gossiping about it with their friends.
If you are lucky, the sex will be good enough that you won't mind. And it doesn't matter where you meet them...
Well I guess if you're only looking for a horny guy, on-line dating's the way to go...
You dont need a girl! .. you got /. !
Because you deal with troubled relationships for work, then you're seeing a higher proportion of failures than successes. Would someone go to a doctor to declare themselves 100% fit (besides hypochondriacs obviously)?
I still agree that there are sites which only serve to push porn, prostitutes and phoneys, but if you find a site that's good and you make the effort to do something, I see that as a positive step.
If personal ads and dating services truly didn't work then why are they still around? There are too many positive stories to simply discount it as a misleading direction. It's not the only by any means, and there are a number of other non-site-related options discussed in this thread, but online dating is no less or no more effective than anything else. It's partly a stigma issue that we're still not certain what the effects are.
click-clack, front and back. I'm not moving this car otherwise.
Just because someone is a single parent doesn't make them inelligable for the human race, neither does being divorced for that matter. However being a single parent does limit your social time and mean that you want to maximise the potential outcome of any date. Hence a reliance on on-line or other dating services. As to all desparate to get married - isn't this the oldest cliche in the book, the myth that all women want a stableand secure relationship whereas all men just want a quick shag. Whist this myth is patently untrue and unfair it does have a basis in reality and would be nearer the truth with those chosing dating services. At the end of the day you have to remember that the people you meet through ANY means will have their own agenda.
init 11 - for when you need that edge.
But check out www.okcupid.com. It's free for all, so you don't have the imbalance you see with pay sites.
They perpetually test your personality, and provide you with a list of likely matches in your area. Dating isn't the primary focus, but for your purposes it should do nicely.
Spend a few days answering the matching questions and browsing through the profiles of people in your area, you'll find some girls to hang out with in no time.
Even people that believe in pre-destiny look both ways before crossing the street.
try http://okcupid.com/, it's at least free and (in my experience at least) pretty decent at finding people. it's kinda quirky, kinda funny, and they at least explain their matching rationale. they start with a mbti-esque personality profile which takes a while to fill out. after that, you're free to answer as many questions as you want to. answering questions works like this: you choose 1) your answer, 2) what acceptable answers for your match would be, and 3) how important their answer is to you. this all gets mushed together and they come out with two scores. you choose if you want people ranked by how compatible you are as friends or as lovers/dating material. also, if you don't like the questions that are asked, you can ask some of your own.
I've never tried this (already married) - but it makes a lot of sense. It's originally from a radio talk show host.
1) Purchase a stack of women's magazines
2) Read articles in the magazine about the best place to go to meet a guy.
3) When the women readers follow that advice, be there.
[Insert pithy quote here]
Try being deaf/profoundly hard of hearing, and belonging to the class of guy commonly known as "nice guy"
Believe me, you can't break out of that one. You become good friends with a girl, but the girl "doesn't want to ruin the friendship" by dating. But in the process, the girl will stop talking to you because she can't deal with the fact you like her.
check the stats page (you have to be logged in I think).
My number one piece of advice would be to not pay for the service...there are plenty of ways to meet people online without paying more than your internet connection.
That being said, here is my experience with those services:
I did the match.com thing for a couple years off and on and here is what I found out - (disclaimer: all based on experience and not on solid fact. Anything that resembles a solid fact, is, in fact, based on opinion) -
- (Fishing): maybe 60% of women (especially those somewhat attractive) just post ads on the site so they can see how many men respond, and what kind of men respond. They do this to validate that they are attractive because they generally do not respond to any of these men at all.
- (Uglies): About another 20% or so are just plain ugly. They WILL respond to inquiry, and contrary to popular belief, being ugly does NOT make you smart. I went on several dates with (*ahem*) not very good-looking girls who had the personality of a pizza box.
- (Crazies): 5% are crazy and will have sex with you on the first date.
- (Gems): That brings me to the final 15% - this is the part you are waiting for. They are very nice girls, of average to good looks, and are genuinely interested and ready to meet a comparable male. Most of them are already talking to another guy, probably an alpha male.
Be warned that unless you look like Fabio or better, you will probably not hear from any women - they expect you to contact them. You might get one or two bites from the 20% uglies mentioned above, but you should ignore these.
In the end, I fell in love with a girl I knew for some time, but was always unavailable. Sometimes, you just have to stop looking for love and wait for it to find you. However - if you just wanna have some fun, meet some (VERY) interesting people, sure try the online thing - but I wouldn't expect very much!!
Go to classmates.com, look up that girl from high school you always wanted to ask out but never did, send her a witty e-mail and see what happens.
Stay away from any of the "friend finder" sites. They are over half fake ads.
OkCupid.com is by far the best dating site I've seen. Most datingsites say they can match someone for you by asking only 5-10 questions. That is bollocks. OkCupid takes a different approach: one can answer as much questions on all kinds of personal things as one wants (there are currently aprox. 1700 questions in the database (I, ehr, answered them all :-])). After that, the system can predict quiet good what person would match with you using the answers you gave, the answer you would the other one to give and how important you think that would be. Works like a charm!
Url: www.okcupid.com
www.vanheusden.com - home of Multitail, HTTPing, CoffeeSaint, EntropyBroker, rsstail, bsod, listener, nagcon, nagi
I'm an athiest myself, and got matched to someone quite agnostic.
I have been amazed at who I was matched with at eHarmony. I had the most compatible matches of any service I have ever tried. In fact, I'm now engaged to a match I made over eHarmony.
Forcing you to go through the personality tests and multiple choice questions before you actually get to meet the person really helps ensure the person you meet at the other side of the process will be of a similar way of thinking to yo.
--- It's not my fault this post looks redundant. I just type too slow.
Online dating is a waste of time. You spend a lot of time trading emails for very little payoff.
Try speed dating. You get to talk face-to-face and decide who you want to date. See 8minutedating.com, rapiddating.com, hurrydate.com, etc.
I have found this to be very successful. It took me about a half a dozen tries with varying degrees of success to get the hang of it, but I eventually reached the point where I can make a love connection about half the time (where "love" = in bed by the third date). I coached a buddy of mine through it who hadn't been laid in two years, and after 10 events, he now has three regular maters.
The key is to be real, genuine, relaxed and self-confident. That doesn't come naturally--like any other skill (programming, engineering, athletics, public speaking, etc.), it has to be developed and practiced. The woman has to see you as safe, interesting and attractive, otherwise you will go no where.
For more tips and coaching, see steelballs.com. You can learn everything you need to know there.
Good "luck".
The best advice you'll get is varying degrees of go ahead and try the online stuff, or leave your house. Since you asked, here is a little more. It's probably bad advice, but it's worked for me.
Have something interesting to talk about that: a) isn't you, and b) isn't technology related. If you can't talk at length, with insight and clarity about three subjects, you're risking being uninteresting. Go out and learn, you'll meet a girl while doing it.
Be confident. I can't stress how much being confident (or successfully faking confidence) matters. People have seen me with girls WAY WAY WAY out of my league and openly wondered how the hell I did it. Easy. Confidence. I faked it for so long that it became real.
Smile allot, and the second you actually get a ray of interest from the girl, cool it. Don't be the fawning twerp. Don't go all ga-ga. Relax, talk to her and don't so much as think about sex or have your eyes wander below her jaw line. Guys who are hard up often show it, and sexual desperation is a HUGE turn off. (For women, that is. Guys love it.)
Instant messenger and good email. If you give good IM, and give good email, you can get laid. Think about how geeks got laid in the past. Poetry, prose and love letters. Seriously. Don't write poetry in your Gaim window, or emails about bodice ripping, but write well. Also, remember, you can say things in IM or email that you can't say in person. If she's thinking romantic thoughts about you when you're not around (even if you're in her IM window), you're half way there. I had an ex girlfriend who I used to write a little haiku for at the end of every email. She went crazy for it, and sometimes I could slip something in there "just to make the flow and syllables work. I didn't actually mean it baby." But she knew I did. Sounds corny, but it was pure gold.
Finally, I don't know why this works, but be self deprecating a little. It seems like some sort of magic formula for me, but damn it works.
/. advice.
Anyway, best of luck with the whole dating thing and best of luck with the
That's not dating, that's prostitution. :P
...and I met on kiss.com a little over three years ago. We dated for a year, got married, have a wonderful 9-month old son with a daughter due in February.
That said, I did try Together, and it SUCKED with a capital S-U-C-K-E-D. I didn't sue them, but I should have.
It's really hit or miss out there. I met a lot of people from various sites. Some were scary and some were great - just like in "real life". It used to be a lot worse, but as more people get comfortable with it, the pool rounds out.
I'm not sure how Together does their profiling compared to other services, but my sister-in-law met her husband through them, and they've been married for several years now and have two kids.
What's odd is that they're VERY different people--sometimes I think the only thing they have in common is being of Irish descent. Yet somehow it works, and I don't see them having to work any harder than the average married couple to keep it going.
(Oh and congrats on the second kid--our second is due in April.)
You will never in your life be in a situation like college again. Thousands of hot, single, young, intelligent women to meet and wade through.
I suggest going back to grad school to fix your error. The older you get the more you'll realize this is true. Unless you're fugly then don't bother. Why do you think most divorced men in their 30's wind up marrying some dog as ugly woman? That is the crop they are harvesting (haven't used a farming reference in a while). Unfortunately the crop is past its prime.
Your local neighborhood bar.
Your local neighborhood coffeeshop.
Other than that, I met a lot of people, and one I actually went on a date with, on yahoo! personals.
Easy guys, I put my pants on one leg at a time. The difference is after I put on my pants I make gold records!
I am married and so the whole online dating thing does not apply, but I still think it could be fun to take a serious marriage compatibility test. We took a good online test for political orientation not too long ago, and that was fun (and funny) and we have done some cheesy tests in Women's magazines. Those are only fun to a limited degree, because well they are so cheesy.
So how about something "based on what psychologists know works" that we could take together. I guess something like the eHarmony test you referred to that would let us see how we matched-up afterward. Not only might that be fun (and funny to see where we are 'incompatible'), it would be revealing, and could give some useful insight into our marriage.
Just about four years ago, after 12 years of absolutely zero success with dating (meeting people online or offline) I gave up completely on dating. I decided to focus my energies on advancing my career instead, since at least there I knew my efforts would pay off.
In the ensuing four years I have met a few women that I like enough that I would have asked them out if I hadn't sworn off dating. I even briefly toyed with taking another shot at dating, but my willpower held. All I had to do to convince myself it was a bad idea was mentally review the 12-year string of failures I once optimistically referred to as a "love life."
These days when I get lonely and want something resembling female affection, I head for a strip club. At least there, the terms are clearly defined and nobody has any illusions about what is or isn't going to happen-- I talk to the stripper for a while, buy her a drink or two and then I get to see some T&A (instead of getting the "I like you as a friend" speech like I did when I was dating). And strippers stop loving you when you run out of $20s, not at some arbitrary point for reasons that will never truly be known to you.
And yes, I AM bitter about my dating experiences, and if anyone reading this had been put through the same shit I was, you'd be the same way.
I just finalized the divorce on my "starter marriage" (NoKids,NoProperty,NoDebt) and I couldn't be happier. Consider it a practice run.
I'm a cheap bastard. So I go for the free sites.
I met my current girlfriend on craigslist and dated someone I met on MatchDoctor. My friends (all in roughly your situation, it seems) have had good experience at OkCupid, Emode, and Yahoo.
I can't test any of these links at work cause the filter blocks them. I hope they're correct.
God bless her, she had no idea what she was getting herself into. But she stood by me month after month after month of:
- My dedicating every waking and non-waking moment to the business
- Pouring every available dollar into the business
- Eliminating all non-essential expenses
- Vastly scaling back all essential expenses (i.e. food: the fscking dog ate better than we did).
- Not knowing when the end to the sacrifice would ever be.
Not once did she say, "I'm frustrated! When can we turn on the heat?" and whenever I ever got exhausted, she was always there to encourage me.Well, now business has taken off and we don't worry too much about money anymore. She doesn't have to work now, but she seems to enjoy having a career and is doing very well, I might add. More power to her. :)
But the point is I'm not sure how I would have be able to take the plunge without her income, her health insurance, and, most importantly, her moral support.
And, yes, I call her if I'm going to be out late drinking with my buddies. Seems like a small price to pay though, doesn't it?
"Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them." -- David Brent
Check out www.myspace.com -- Very powerful search features and completely free.
"hey, could you pass me a paper towel? er.. I mean... DEPLOY ABSORBTION PANEL!"
Firstly, I should disclaim that I'm not the "dating" type -- when I'm on the prowl, it's for a "relationship" -- so the following may or may not apply to you if you're more of a casual dating type. Also this is coming from the perspective of a straight guy -- the experience for other demographic may very widely.
Secondly, my online dating resume: Currently living with my girlfriend of two years (definately not too distant future fiance -- just a timing thing) who I met through match.com. Had several other longer term and relationships with women I met online through such services. Also have had relationships that started "in real life" (we met at the rock concert type stories). My honest opinion is that it really doesn't matter how you make initial contact with somebody -- once you've met a person, the circumstances under which you happened to have come in contact are pretty irrelivant.
Anyway, first some observations:
1) Meeting people online is mainstream these days -- there's a perception that there's a social stigma, and that only freaks meet people online -- but I found both of these, while they may have been true in the past, to no longer hold much water. You definately don't have to make an excuse as to why you've resorted to looking online -- if done correctly, it's one of the best ways to get exposed to a large pool of people in a short amount of time -- and the more people you come in contact with, the greater chance that you'll bump into somebody compatible.
2) My own observation, and confirmed over and over again by women I know who use online singles sites: The experience for women on these sites is radically different from men. Women get TONS of messages from men. So to get a reply you really have to make yourself stand out. The good news is that most of the contact the women receive are either cut and pasted blurbs that some guy sends to a ton of women, from guys that come across as sleazeballs just looking to get laid, or otherwise just generally undesireable messages. Guys on the other hand generally very rarely get messages unless they initiate the contact.
So advice (based on my own experience, and the experience of women who I met online, or friends I know who look for relationships online):
* Your online profile is VERY important. As a guy, it isn't likely to get many people to contact you on its own, but it's vital for making yourself stand out from others when you contact somebody and want to hear back from them -- take the time to really describe who you are as much as possible, and include the things that make you different from other people -- write with a voice that shows your personality, and be honest (but leave out unnecessary self criticism). Everybody says post a picture -- but I think I've had just as much success either way. I think that most cases where having a picture posted would make a difference as to whether you get a reply or not, it's probably not a person something would work out with anyway.
* Be picky about who you contact. You're going to have to spend a significant amount of time preparing a message to them (see below) if you want a response, so find somebody who's profile really interests you and inspires you to write something interesting to them. Also want to try to find people who look like they're interested in somebody like you -- If all somebody talks about is they're love of the outdoors, and you never leave the city-- then you're probably not going to have a lot of luck. You'll server yourself well trying to find profiles that stand out from the generic ones (you'll learn the generic ones pretty quick).
* When you contact somebody, take the time to REALLY write them or your changes of getting a reply are small. Don't just tell somebody that you "liked their profile"-- tell them WHY, what about them interested you-- and be sincere. Also, tell them why you think that they might like you... not generic stuff, but specific things about you that seem to fit who thi
I'm saying this in the most polite manner I can, but if you come across in your personal ad the way you did in that post, it's no wonder you had such bad experiences.
I'm no Adonis. Sure, I was in a bit better shape when I was single, but looks really don't mean much, either in meatspace or online and I met more than my share of fun, attractive, lusty women. One of them I couldn't live without, so I married her.
It took me most of my life to figure this out, but dating is all about attitude. Not looks, not money, not fame. Project a confident, self-assured attitude and it's amazing how differently the world responds to you.
My only suggestion is read this and this.
Other than that, good luck!
Ace
There are lots of girls in your area on:
1. your college's Unix network (who, finger and talk are all you need to meet girls) (personal score: 2)
2. IRC: become a regular on a channel or two (personal score: 4)
3. Is Yahoo Personals still free? (personal score: 2)
4. ivisit...just buy a decent webcam (personal score 1)
The most important thing to keep in mind is to not be in "desperately seeking" mode, just be yourself.
Bill Clinton: Pimp we can believe in. - The Shirt!!!
Yes, there are more than a few of us on here. :P
I've had plenty of fun using LDS Mingle, LDS LinkUp, and LDS Singles. It's a lot less awkward than asking out that cute girl in your ward. Mingle and Singles are both directed at dating, though LinkUp is a lot less formal, kinda like "Friendster for Mormons".
If you aren't LDS... then start looking for some of those specialized dating sites. There are sites for Jews, Catholics, aethists, right-wingers, left-wingers, apoliticals... pretty much any classification you can pigeonhole yourself into. I think their strength is a certain level of filtering out some of the worst of the Internet.
And one last note... yes, the better sites cost money. Don't be cheap: ladies will so not be impressed by that.
There is a difference between "insightful" and "inciteful" other than spelling.
Sorry you had such a bum experience, but it seems like your gripes don't have much to do with the online portion of online dating. I did the online dating thing for a couple of years and ended up meeting my wife through Match.com. Sure, I had a couple of, um, interesting dates, and yeah there were several woman who brushed me off or were bitches, but that's no different than any other way you meet women. Have you ever been to a bar and seen a reasonably attractive woman sitting alone? For long?
Most women you would want to date are used to being hit on all the time. Yes, they do have a lot of choices, all they have to do is not put up a fight to get picked up. I'll let you in on a secret though. Women worth dating don't want to be picked up by 99% of the jerks out there. Obviously you don't want someone hung up on movie star looks. Great! They're weeding themselves out for you by not responding to you. Trust me there are good women out there interested in more than tight abs, you just need to find the ones that are a good match for you. There is no secret here, if you're looking for a rare woman you just have to go through a lot of them. That's a lot easier to do online, and in my experience it's a lot easier to present a good first impression when you're not shy and stammering. Oh, and don't take it personally if some bimbo blows you off. Keep in mind, most people in general aren't worth knowing, and people that act like that already have two strikes against them....
"And if you hold any tenents outside societal norm"
slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=123748&cid=103972 29
So for all the crap each of you is talking about asking a question like this here.. this comment page is probably the most comprehensive online-dating-advice selection I've ever seen. I considered throwing in my own two cents but the same advice has already been given multiple times. I didn't expect to learn anything.
Slashdot roolz!
I suggest a new section to site How-Tos: Get Laid.
Over a period of a year, life started to improve drastically. I got several pay rises and a promotion at work. It was as if a bolt of lightning had hit me and put some self-belief in my thick skull.
One day I had been for a interview for a new job. It was a long way away, and I didn't get home until late in the evening. It was pub quiz night at my local and my friends were there. Even though it was 10pm I decided to pop along anyway for a couple of pints with them and a bit of a laugh.
When I joined in the quiz, they's just got their answers back from another team having been marked. A lady had written "I love Jason Newstead" on the paper. They were teasing her about it. I joined in and said that he was the only clued-up and talented member of Metallica.
One thing led to another and we've been happily married for nearly two years.
And I got the job too :-)
Stick Men
It's Date a Geek day today.
Look for someone who has about as many choices in a mate as you do. You'll find things get a lot easier. If you aren't attracted to such people, too bad. If you won't date someone as attractive as you, you can't expect someone *more* attractive than you to date you.
Your excuse about men who lie about their looks is total BS. Women with a lot of choices don't even look at profiles that don't have pictures.
Besides - It may sound like sour grapes, but beautiful women often haven't worked too hard on their personality - they got by on their looks too easily. Go for the late bloomers :)
If you're a man, try looking at profiles without pictures. Not all of them are pictureless because they're ugly. Some women are very good looking but don't want to be judged only by their looks (which as you know, men tend to do). Some of them just don't have a digitial photo available (although since this is slashdot, you might not be interested in someone who can't handle that bit of technology).
Since 99% of men will ignore pictureless profiles, you'll have no competition, should you find one of these women. You just have to be patient. Just don't ask for a picture right away. Give them yours and chat for a while first. Then mention it's only fair for them to show what they look like.
Here's an important thing to know, from someone who has had women friends from many nations. For some reason for which I have only partly adequate theories, women in the United States are going through a very bad period in the last decades. They are often unbelievably unhappy, far more unhappy than can be explained by their obvious individual circumstances.
So, if you meet a woman and she gives you a hard time, consider the source. If she is a generally unhappy woman, then you cannot be the cause, because you just met her.
Somehow, Mexican, black, and Jewish women in the U.S. seem to have been affected by the cultural breakdown in the United States more than the average Caucasian woman. But for all of them the breakdown is, generally, but not always, quite severe.
Most people in the U.S. are not aware of the social breakdown in their country, because they have never known anything else. It would take several books to show how severe the breakdown is, so I will offer just a little evidence that is appropriate since we will be voting soon:
Symptom of social breakdown: The U.S. government is heavily influenced by alcoholism. The United States has been having a difficult time getting qualified people to run for president.
First, here is some initial information about alcoholism:
1) The first thing you should know is that alcoholics are often extremely likable in some settings. That doesn't mean that all likable people are alcoholics, of course. It does mean that many people who don't have experience with the effects of alcoholism are deceived when they think that alcholism-influenced people are likable. The likability is just an act. 2) The personality disorders of being an alcoholic do not stop if the alcoholic stops drinking. "Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic". 3) The third valuable insight is that often the non-drinking children of alcholics have some of the disorders of alcoholics.
It is also valuable to know that alcoholics and ACOAs often share severe disorders: 1) They are usually chronic liars. 2) They usually have a very strong anger problem. 3) They are often unable to analyze, because their inner conflict is so great that they cannot think clearly. 4) Usually they don't read, so they are often poorly educated about many issues that matter. 5) Usually they involve themselves with inappropriate sexuality. 6) They are often violent. 7) They often use other drugs. Alcoholics often use cocaine, because that reduces the negative effects of drinking, so that they can drink more.
You can do your own research into alcoholism by contacting an Alcoholics Anonymous chapter or ACOA chapter in your city.
Ronald Reagan: He was an ACOA, a child of a severe alcoholic. Effect on the the country: He caused the U.S. government to borrow money so that his administration would look good. The U.S. government went far more heavily into debt during his presidency; the government borrowed $4.5 trillion. Some of the money went to weapons makers in California, Reagan's home state. Symptoms: Likability. Chronic liar. Read only very simple western novels. Called his wife "Mommy".
Comment: Most people in the U.S. have little experience with alcoholism, still do not see the signs, and think Ronald Reagan was a great president.
George H.W. Bush, the father of the present president: An ACOA, a child of a severe, physically abusive, alcoholic, his father Preston Bush. Effect on the country: Continued the borrowing of Ronald Reagan. It is not only borrowing money that is destructive; most of the corruption is directing that money to those who want corruption in government. Did you get some of the money that was borrowed? Only if you were rich or powerful, or both. Symptoms: Chronic liar. Very weak man. Expected his wife, Barbara, to look and act like his mother. Often could not express himself well, showing the extreme disorganization in his mind. Had little understanding of government policy, and little a
Heh... I was a BSEE. I can proudly state that I made out with the entire female component of MSEE Class of 96 and BSEE Class of 97 at my school. All three of them, total. ;-)
And they weren't bad looking, either.
--JoeProgram Intellivision!
In real life, you know what you're getting. With online dating, you never know if you are being tricked by one of these guys.
Very good troll. Nice work!
There is hope for the world yet!
You didn't say what you don't like.
Craigslist personals are much better for the geeks than Yahoo.
Underloved Movies and Pub Quiz: donotquestionme.org
Many thanks for all the advice, there is already so much good stuff here. Thanks also for the "dating advice on /." flames, all very well deserved.
One reason I asked for info on tweaks was something I found out about by experimenting on match.com. My mutual match results were a bit unsatisfactory. I experimented a little and found that the height range was a hard limit in their matching, so I turned my luck around by changing my height from 5'6" (my real height) to 6'0". It was like night and day, I was suddenly much more compatible with educated, professional, attractive women. Despite a full confession in my profile, I've already received "winks" from women who would otherwise not have found me. I suspect that this tweak could have similar effects on other sites. I don't question the honesty of doing this as much as whether I am working around a technical bug or a social bug.
So one goal of this ASD question was to share this and find out if anyone else has had similar experiences.
There was one more thing I wanted to share. On eharmony every page has images of happy couples and direct or indirect suggestions towards "finding a soulmate". Clearly they have quite an interest in inciting desperation, but it really made me want to puke sometimes. However, I did find that the personality tests and matching questions were very helpful, it made me think about the whole process. I was able to join and get the refund when I left, but of course it wasn't easy!
- Stop spending money on computer gear/magazines/games.
- Spend that money on getting some smart new clothes for your wardrobe (even if you meet them online, you're intending to meet them at some stage). This includes shoes.
- If you wear glasses, get some contacts. First impressions count - and you might be a nice guy, but consider why you never saw any of the leads in sitcoms like Friends wearing glasses - they aren't considered attractive.
- You most likely have very social friends that you don't hang out with as much as you could. Change that. Start calling them up and say "What are you doing this weekend? Mind if I join you?".
The goal is to get out and about, and meet more people, and get comfortable with meeting people. The more people you meet, the greater likelihood that you'll meet someone you want to go out with.Hope this helps.
Man watching 6 MSCE's around a sun box, looks alot like the opening scene's of 2001:space odyssey...
many duplicate ads (e.g. the same blond babe lives in Perioa, New York City, Bakersfield, Idaho Falls, Bombay, Nepal, etc)
many "sissy-boys" showing their private parts (publically flashing without risk of arrest)
many woman trolling for extra income
I believe Juanita
Anyhow, I would like to contribute my little bit of success in the Japanese online dating world to counter this "sad and lonely online dating tale."
Anyone living in Japan and interested in online dating should check out http://asoboo.com/, and possibly http://friendfinder.japantoday.com/. The first is very cheap (Y500/month) and I've had quite a few dates from it. One relationship even became quite promising before she decided to give her cheating boyfriend a second try. :(
The other site is Y2500/month, although you can create a profile and be able to receive messages without paying. I haven't paid for this one yet, but still got one inquiry/date.
I'm looking for a long term relationship, but I think most people on these sites are searching for a short one, if you know what I mean. *nudge*nudge*wink*wink* My point is that there are plenty of options available here. Good luck to all you fellow geeks.
Don't worry -- I don't. But the opportunity to vent my near-total frustration with online dating came up, and I just had to take it and hopefully warn others away.
I suppose it works for some people, but for the rest of us online dating is just a huge disappointment.
Maybe it's where I live. I really don't know. Nobody seems to want to take the time to actually get to know someone. People have so much depth (or lack thereof) to them that you can't get to know them adaquately through online dating sites, or from just one date.
The old-fashioned ways tend to be better. And I'm far from the only guy to think so.
Yaz.
go find it...
every day http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
Please don't be intimidated by someone with unspecified objections. Consider everything in the light of your own experiences and your own extensive investigation.
If you have never read the books about the Bush family and Bush administration, I suggest you do so. If you read the books, you will see that the corruption is far worse than you are being told.
You cannot develop an accurate opinion by listening to the innuendo from media employees who would lose their jobs if they seemed to indicate a preference for one candidate over another. Remember, the media exists to make money. Unfortunately, we don't have directly supported media, only ad supported media, and advertisers, understandably, are careful not to alienate anyone.
One matter that needs to be corrected in my comment above: Preston Bush, George W. Bush's grandfather, was a man with genuine political ability. Yes, he was an alcoholic who was threatening toward his children, but he also often served well in the Senate.
I recommend a new book, The Family: The Real Story of the Bush Dynasty. Don't expect any author to be perfect. However, this book is an excellent overview of the Bush family. Here is a quote which supports my statement about the chronic lying of George Herbert Walker Bush and his son George W. Bush:
"The official family tree provided by the Bush archivists does not include the two mentally retarded daughters of John M. Walker, and lists only two of James Smith Bush's wives, not all four of them; one of Ray Walker's two wives is omitted, and George Herbert Walker III is listed with only two, instead of three, wives."
--
Before, Saddam was killing. Now, the U.S. Gov. is killing and destabilizing, and you pay. Improvement?
The quote in Dutch is "naast elk ferm wijf loopt een lelijk spook", roughly translated "next to every beauty walks an ugly spook".
The idea behind this is: girls always come in pairs. The most beautiful girls usually have the ugliest friends, because in comparision it makes them look even prettier. The trick is to first date the ugly one, which makes the beauty feel uncertain about themselves. That is the moment to dump the ugly one (sorry girl), and get the pretty girl.
For the rest, of course: expand your circle of friends (not trough friendster/orkut but trough IRL social networks), go out, visit pubs, concerts, whatever you like. If you have trouble meeting new people, follow some evening courses.. not 'advanced network management with .NET for SP2, but painting, photography, pottery.. whatever you like, as long as it's non-geeky.
Get out, there's plenty of fish in the sea! You did know that there are %-wise more women than men on this planet, did you? what are you waiting for?
If all of that fails, there's always Brides.ru.
geekdate! And screw online dating services. RPGs (and, in general, multiplayer games) are the best way to get to know people. Caveats about meeting in real life before becoming too smitten of course apply.
-scott
I think overall it was a good experience for casual dating, but unfortunately if you're looking for a long term relationship it's going to be a lot harder.
(note, she's got a masters degree in engineering, gainfully employed, and is an awesome athlete....Guys, what are you waiting for????)
Spring Street personals... via salon.com, nerve.com, onion.com, etc.
:-)
Good crowd. Fewer folks than the others, but the ones that are there are smarter, more ecletic and more interesting than yahoo or match. And I met my fiancee there!
Newsflash for you guys...
women are HUMAN BEINGS , simple as that (more then I can say for some of you reading these posts... icky)
So dating should be a sub-species of inter-personal relationships, like friendship, not a hunt-a-hole-game.
And if you`d rather invest all your time in work and video games, and occasionaly "hire a hooker", hmm, invest in a plastic doll because I petty even the trained professional who would have to put up with you.
Even if you do get "laid" you won`t be able to appreciate the pleasures of the company and the mutual stimulation of another person, because the concept of "another person" is alien to you...
Tsk.
I repeat.
Women are persons.
~
Actually I know a lot about this subject even though I haven't yet met Ms. Right. I run a relationship weblog called Unsolved Heart which covers these sort of relationship issues.
One of my essays, 25 Tips for Edating is probably helpful.
YOu should check out edatereview for inside tips (and a fun laugh).
Postscript: one reason I decided to give up on edating is that it's frustrating to get such a miserable response rate. Also, I had a programming project that has been occupying all my time as of late. That's the typical geek life for you.
Robert Nagle, Idiotprogrammer, Houston
but I am considering online dating in addition to other methods of meeting local women for casual dating. Any advice on particular sites and tweaking profiles or search results? I've looked at eHarmony , Lavalife (sparse local results) and Match.com (seems to be best of the bunch.)"
I've used a couple of online dating websites, and I've managed to get quite a few women (8) in bed since I started 2 years ago. I can give you some advice...
About you:
1. If you are just looking for casual dating, that is fine. But realize that most women won't sleep with you, because they will figure you are a serial dater. If you put up that you want a relationship you will get a lot more ass faster (trust me on this one)
2. Make an online profile that stands out from the rest. Try to be funny, witty, or do something different. A good tip is to look at the other guys profiles and rip one off you like, or search for the ones near you and make fun of them. This goes for your screen name too, try to make it stand out or be funny. Don't be too offensive though. Humongor might sound funny to a guy, but it may make women think you are all about sex
3. Post a good picture of yourself, and a normal picture of yourself...NEVER EVER post a bad picture of yourself. I've come to notice that most people either put up the best picture they have ever taken, or the worst. Try this...take your best picture and make that your primary picture, and add other pictures that are 'ok' pictures of you in other settings. If you have a hobby try to get a picture of yourself being active or doing what you like. Use recent pictures also. Don't put up a pic of you from 10 years ago....no matter how much you think you "look the same"...you don't.
About them:
1. Never ever EVER meet a girl without seeing a picture from her. Preferably 2 or 3. Even if their profile says "medium build", you will end up on a date with Jabba the slut.
2. Re-read #1. That's no moon...It's your date!
3. Most women are on dating sites either on the rebound, or because they are looking for sex. Which is the same reason men are on there. Don't let them make you think any different.
About specific websites
Match.com - Has the largest user base. You will find the largest variety of women on here, they are often not computer savvy/bright since match.com is Love@aol.com. This is where your odds are the best. Join up, post a picture, and spam interest at everyone and see what sticks. Don't worry if you like them or not, you can judge them after they show interest back.
date.com - Nice interface, plenty of women. Post a photo, make a profile and turn off javascript in your browser and do the same as above..spam interest.
E-harmony.com - sucks. Asks you about 1000 questions about your childhood, at which point you are subjected to their shitty matchmaking steps. Avoid!
U-Date.com - Udate is pretty awesome. They ask a lot of questions, but they are interesting ones that you would actually want to know about the person. The problem is they have a small user base. They used to own Kiss.com which had a larger base before getting bought out by match.com. Still, even with the small user base I like UDate for it's detailed profiles. The women on here seem brighter too. It also has an online stalking system, so you can see ANYONE who looks at your profile. Very nice. Post a profile and just look a bunch in your area.
Alt.com, AdultFriendfinder.com, etc - The ratio on these sites is about 1 women to every 100 guys. The ratio of hot women on these sites is 1 women to every 10,000 guys. Avoid.
You've got to warn everyone and tell them! Women is made of people! You've got to tell them! Women is people!
Ask Charlton Heston.
Despite the general 'casual sex' reputation it has, craigslist's personals are free and generally geared towards people that geeks will enjoy. My soon to be wife and I met there.
Seriously. They offered me a refund saying they couldn't help me.
Look on the bright side. You can always join a cult! :-)
zWhat would an EWOULDBLOCK block, if an EWOULDBLOCK could block would? -- me
"Love" is the green fungus you find growing on the back of dumpsters. Stay single, you'll be better off. Sure people will pull out results from studies saying you'll live longer, blah, blah, blah. Sure you'll live longer, but those'll be the worst days of your life, you'll be old, infirm, reliant on your embittered kid and their offspring, etc. And you won't have to through that "I won't change you/I don't want you to change. I love you the way you are. Are you really going to wear that shirt? Here I bought you a new suit htat I know you'll look better in" garbage. Stay single. I am and I'm happier than my friend who are married/dating. And yes, I'm bitter.
eHarmony was never intended as a "dating service". As some others here have stated, they are very selective. (Their system is designed to "filter-out" those who are insincere.) Their main goal is to function as a *Mating* service. If all you're looking for are "dates", eHarmony is not for you.
Being that eHarmony originally started as a service for Christians, it does tend to favor that, but it is no longer only serving that demographic. They have expanded quite a bit in recent years. Again, I must stress that eHarmony is targeted to matching future spouses. If you are looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with, then eHarmony is the site for you.
I have two close friends who met their spouses through eHarmony, and they are very happy, so it *does* work.
Willie...
meetic.com to be exact. Not that I recommend it specially as I haven't used any other service and the interface of this one, when I used it, wasn't a technical miracle, to put it mildly.
Telling someone not to use this services is as bad advice as 'don't look for girls in bars'. You never know where you can find a match for you and every place is worth a shot. This one has the added convenience.
How it worked for me: I didn't have a job at the time, so I had a lot of time to be online at the time where it's most useful (when the girls where at work, which is where most of them have access to internet - nevermind the 'the shouldn't be chatting at work', the fact is that they are).
I tried to chat with every online girl, not paying a lot of attention to their profile (except for age and location). I assumed most of them lied a bit to look more interesting and after all I was just trying to have some fun and get the hang of it.
Approximately 1 out of 20 replies to a hello (keep in mind that they have way more chat windows open than you do, so they don't answer to one of you). With practice, I found good openers that raised this number to something better, like 5/20 or so.
Anyway, I made some friends online. Some I found attractive, some I didn't, but in any case we chatted for hours (remember I had a lot of free time and nothing to loose) so I learnt a lot about women in general, what to say, what not to say, etc.
BTW, don't be scared about people lying in their profile. They do, but you find about it early in the game. If they say they love reading and you do, you'll find out whether it's true or not.
Anyway, some active members of meetic organized parties and stuff, and a girl invited me to one, which I attended with a friend. It was one of the first parties so everyone was a bit unconfortable, but at least we put faces to the nicks, etc.
The parties became other social activities such as going to the movies, or spending a day in the park, and the group of people trying to date online became a group of single people just having fun.
My current fiance, which I'm marrying in February -two years and a half after the chat log was created- was a girl I wasn't interested in except as a friend (I great one I might add - incredible person). I invited her to one of this events, so we met in person in a little pressure context (at least for me anyway).
From what I know of that group:
- Two people married four months ago.
- Two more (my girlfriend and I) are getting married in four months.
- Two live together and have a child (they don't want to be married, though).
- Another two say they don't love each other but meet from time to time for ocassional sex.
- They friend that came with me to the first party is still a virgin.
And the group hardly ever organize events, as the most active people in it already found what they were looking for. But still, we keep a mailing list and know where to find one another.
I'm sure other people can tell you nightmares from online dating services. But the same applies to almost every place you look for someone, so... if you are single, and are as shy I am, give this a try.
I would buy karma from ebay but I'm not sure I can trust the seller.
completely. While I cant comment on online dating (wait, dont mod me offtopic, it applies), I can on dating in general. I'm no looker,I'm damn short,and a geek (I'm posting on /. ...) But as the parent says, its all about attitude. I've never had a shortage of girls to date (and I'm rather picky)
Project a confident, self-assured attitude and it's amazing how differently the world responds to you.
exactly, it pays off. The girl I'm currently dating and have been for close to two years now is beatiful, smart, and a geek to boot. Also, try actually considering the women you're dating on an individual basis instead of some possesion you're competing for, it might help.
--Anubis
"goodbye and hello, as always" ~Prince Corwin, from Zelazny's Amber series
I live in Poland and work as a remote sysadmin on US servers, getting something around $2000-3000 a month (USD). It wouldn't be much in the US but here in Poland I know quite a few great strippers who while giving me a one-on-one lap-dance in a closed room for something around five bucks per ten minutes have no problems with giving me a handjob for five to ten bucks at most or a blowjob for ten to fifteen bucks. Many times I fucked a stripper right on the stage (these are a little, closed rooms, mind you) for less than 50 bucks. Now I think you can imagine what I do every fucking day with my money! I pay all of my bills for $500, another $500 I spend on food and clothes and in bars and restaurants (this is a lot of money in Poland, $500 is almost 2000 PLN and it is twise as much as most of people earn here per month!) and then I can spend 1000 to 2000 bucks a day for strippers, and you know what I can get for 50 bucks a day. If you ever visit Warsaw, look for the "sex shops" on Pope John Paul II alley and say hello from Mike!
lie your ass off. Sure you may get responses, but they will still dump you after they figure out who you really are.
the good ground has been paved over by suicidal maniacs