Slashdot Mirror

← Back to Stories (view on slashdot.org)

The Darth Vader Blog

Posted by CmdrTaco on from the everyone-else-has-one dept.

miller60 writes "Darth Vader has launched his very own blog: The Darth Side: Memoirs of A Monster, in which the Sith Lord holds forth in posts such as "Christmas on Hoth" and "I Am Surrounded By Idiots." The comments are a hoot as well. The homage appears to be the handiwork of Canadian Matthew Frederick Davis Hemming."

49 of 176 comments (clear)

  1. The force is strong with this one. by maotx · · Score: 4, Funny

    Yeah, I was there last week. Not a bad blog. One of the better ones out there. However he fails to mention his appearence on Jerry Springer and the real reason why noone understands him. Hes not really a bad guy, he just has issues that noone understands.

    --
    I'm a virgo and on Slashdot. Coincidence? Yes.
    1. Re:The force is strong with this one. by AKAImBatman · · Score: 3, Funny
      Hes not really a bad guy, he just has issues that noone understands.

      I get a kick out of this part in particular:

      Ozzel just isn't the creative type.

      The problem is solved now, however. I crushed his trachea with my mind, and promoted Piett to command the fleet. I have transmitted to following note to Ozzel's kin:

      Dear House of Ozzel,

      I regret to inform you that your son has been killed in the line of duty.

      He was an incompetent, yammering boob and he will be missed by none. I have allowed the men to pillage his personal belongings, which is why we have enclosed nothing but the sole remaining item: a torn advertisements page from a magazine of midget pornography. May it shock and disturb you, and may you think of it always when you remember your dearly departed son, the ninny.

      Know also that his limitations as a sub-par military professional caused the deaths of many of the Emperor's loyal soldiers, whose funeral expenses will appear on your next tax assessment.

      Sincerely,
      D. Vader

      Too harsh? I call them as I see them.
      --
      Javascript + Nintendo DSi = DSiCade
    2. Re:The force is strong with this one. by kfg · · Score: 4, Funny

      . . .he just has issues that noone understands.

      Now, don't tell me, let me guess. "He misses his mommy."

      Am I at least close?

      KFG

    3. Re:The force is strong with this one. by Rei · · Score: 4, Funny

      The comment are just as good. My favorite:

      Dear friend,
      This message may come as a surprise to you because we have never met.
      Following the destructon of the rebel base on Yavin, my father, Chancellor Tinyan G'Bata transferred 10,000,000 credits to an unmarked account in the Corisant's Citizen's First Empire Bank.
      Please to be fowarding you phone number so we can make arrangements for you to claim the money. You will keep 10% for your troubles.
      This is NOT the "Kessel" scam you may have heard about. I am a legitimate Barrister.

      --
      Are there any deer in the theater tonight? Get 'em up against the wall.
    4. Re:The force is strong with this one. by mattOzan · · Score: 5, Funny
      And the followup in later comments:

      Duncan Ozzel said...

      YOU BASTARD!

      How DARE you kill our son. He has always been faithful to the Empire and always served you well...

      Ok.. There was that incident in the Dining hall..

      and the whole "misunderstanding" on Tatoee that caused some bad PR on the local Troops show..

      and the incident about the midgets that we really don't want to go into right now...

      Ok.. so he deserved to die. He was adopted anyway.

      So... basically... all I'm trying to say is... Thanks for the Midget Porn.

      Duncan Ozzel Head of House Ozzel.

      28.4.05

  2. Comments by Mukaikubo · · Score: 2, Informative

    For bonus points, read the comments on the blog. They're almost as funny, in many cases, as the actual entry.

  3. Entry by planetoid · · Score: 5, Funny

    Apr 25 -- James Earl Jones is still doing insulting impressions of me at cocktail parties for cheap laughs; the prostitutes he flirts with think it's "cute".

    --
    Slashdot requires you to wait longer between hitting 'reply' and submitting a comment.
  4. This will lead to... by Dante+Shamest · · Score: 3, Funny

    A Dark Helmet parody blog soon.

  5. Marvin has one, too by lxw56 · · Score: 5, Interesting

    Marvin the Paranoid Android has a Xanga, too.

    It appears to be a marketing ploy; I can't say that about the Vader blog.

  6. Blog? by daeley · · Score: 5, Funny

    "Journal! So...you have a Live Journal. Your Mood icon has now betrayed it, too. Google was wise to hide it from me. Now the search engine's failure is complete. If you will not turn to the blog side, then perhaps it will."

    --
    I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate.
  7. And on the other side of the fence.. by OblongPlatypus · · Score: 5, Informative

    Chewbacca appears to be blogging for the rebels...

    --
    -- If no truths are spoken then no lies can hide --
  8. *howling with laughter* by JLSigman · · Score: 4, Interesting

    This is GREAT. Someone needs to give this guy the script to the first 3 movies to redo. ;-)

    --
    -jls
    Techno-pagan
    1. Re:*howling with laughter* by OECD · · Score: 2, Insightful

      This is GREAT. Someone needs to give this guy the script to the first 3 movies to redo. ;-)

      Even better: a commentary track. He could do it as an MP3. Tough part would be getting the voice right.

      --
      One man's -1 Flamebait is another man's +5 Funny.
  9. Re:This is news? by Spy+der+Mann · · Score: 4, Funny

    The previous poster couldn't speak anymore. He was strangled by a mysterious force.

  10. More by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Informative

    Also see:
    http://www.livejournal.com/~bobafett/

    and

    http://www.livejournal.com/users/theforce/

  11. Perfect timing! by truthsearch · · Score: 4, Funny

    I'm just about to open my new site: "The Dark Helmet Side: Memoirs of a Schwartz"

    First few posts:
    "Channukah on Druidia"
    "I Am Surrounded By A$$holes"
    "A Night With a Druish Princess"
    "Yogurt! I Hate Yogurt!"
    "Only One Man Would Dare Use Strawberry"

    --
    Developers: We can use your help.
    1. Re:Perfect timing! by ender- · · Score: 2, Informative

      "Only One Man Would Dare Use Strawberry"

      That's raspberry.

      Ender-

      --
      Nothing to see here
  12. Re:Oh Great by Liselle · · Score: 5, Funny
    Now you've gone and ./ it.
    Dot-slash it? Is this some kind of obscure Soviet Russia joke?
    --
    Auto-reply to ACs: "Truly, you have a dizzying intellect."
  13. move along by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    this is not the /. you are looking for.

  14. Best line so far.... by Paladin144 · · Score: 5, Funny

    "Whose trachea do you have to crush with your mind to get a little service around here?"

    --20050422

    Boy, I know how you feel, Darth! I find myself wondering that all the time.

    Go ahead! Mod me down! Who wants a trachea-crushing?!

    --
    Electric Monkey Pants
  15. Darth Vader the blogging emo weenie by planetoid · · Score: 5, Funny

    Apr 26 - today I can't listen to Dashboard Confessional because Teena dumped me for Brad and their songs always make me think about her. Maybe this upcoming Radiohead album will raise my spirits. I doubt it. Dad's been totally ragging on me for leaving my helmet lying around the house, but he's like, not my real dad, so I don't have to listen to him. *huhhhh*. *huhhhh*. Yea its like that asshole security guard at the mall telling me what to do, its like, if I want to hang out at the Orange Julius, it's my Constitutional right to hang out at Orange Juliuses, and I'll get the ACLU to arrest him for discriminating against me. *huhhhh*. *huhhhh*.

    --
    Slashdot requires you to wait longer between hitting 'reply' and submitting a comment.
  16. Reminds me of that Izzard quote... by zoeblade · · Score: 5, Funny

    Your diary must look odd: "Get up in the morning, death, death, death, death, death, death, death - lunch- death, death, death - afternoon tea - death, death, death - quick shower..."

    - Eddie Izzard, Dress to Kill

    1. Re:Reminds me of that Izzard quote... by TyfStar · · Score: 2, Funny

      That's exactly what I was waiting for!
      "Luke, the Force is strong with you."
      "Is it?"
      "Yeah."
      "Well, who told you that?"
      "Some bloke! Yeah, he said the Force was really rather strong with you."
      "Well, how strong?"
      "Uh, as strong as a small pony."
      "Oooh, that's quite strong, that is."

      --

      "There is a reason Linux is free"

      ~me~

  17. The real Dark Lord... by Zuke8675309 · · Score: 4, Funny

    Funny how even Darth Vader succumbs to putting Ads by Google in his blog...

    Who really is the Master?

    1. Re:The real Dark Lord... by Cognitive+Dissident · · Score: 2, Funny

      Funny how even Darth Vader succumbs to putting Ads by Google in his blog...

      Hey, hasn't he already been clear enough about having gone over to the Dark Side?

  18. The Vader Monolouges by Darthmalt · · Score: 2, Informative

    You might also want to check out This Guy and find out what vader is really thinking.

  19. Copycats a'comin by Winterblink · · Score: 3, Insightful

    Now watch all the copycat blogs pop up, banking on the same idea.

    --
    "I'm a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar."
    -Hoban Washburn
  20. There is a frickin NIGERIAN SCAM... by Conspiracy_Of_Doves · · Score: 4, Funny

    In the comments of the earliest post

    I discovered an abandoned deposit in my company owned by one of our Outer Rim customers who died along with his entire family as a result of an landspeeder crash. He actually deposited this funds amounting to IC12,000,000,000.00 (Twelve billion Imperial Credits), for safe keeping in my company here in Mos Eisley. Company file records shows that the funds was actually for a project our late costumer wanted to start in the near future (a multi million Dollar Spice plant in Kessel)


    Oh. my. god. that is funny.

    --

    Technoli
  21. Matthew Frederick Davis Hemming by Quiet_Desperation · · Score: 3, Funny
    Matthew Frederick Davis Hemming

    I'm sorry, but you're allowed a maximum of three names ba Canadian law. He'll have to drop one.

    1. Re:Matthew Frederick Davis Hemming by An+ominous+Cow+art · · Score: 4, Funny

      Perhaps "Matthew" is his title?

  22. durrrrr by gmplague · · Score: 4, Funny

    This is nothing compared to Terri Shiavo's blog.

    Steven Hawking's blog is also entertaining.

    --
    __________________________________________
    Take comfort in your ignorance.
    Grandmaster Plague
  23. Re:OT / Is anyone getting screwed up pages? by milgr · · Score: 2, Insightful

    I never see advertising on slashdot. Its a side effect of using adblock.

    --
    Where law ends, tyranny begins -- William Pitt
  24. Who's better Hayden or Humpty Dumpty? by digitaldc · · Score: 2, Funny

    I kind of like Humpty Dumpty at the end of 'Jedi.' He was pasty white and had a nice scar on his head, reminiscent of a fallen, cracked egg. Hayden on the other hand is just too good looking to be a Sith Lord. They should have cast Carrot Top as Vader, someone you REALLY LOVE to hate.
    Q: How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for Christmas?
    A: He felt his presents

    --
    He who knows best knows how little he knows. - Thomas Jefferson
  25. If you mod me down by Cro+Magnon · · Score: 4, Funny

    I will become more powerful than you can imagine.

    --
    Slow down, cowboy! It has been 4 hours since you last posted. You must wait another few hours.
  26. Funniest comment I've seen so far by Conspiracy_Of_Doves · · Score: 3, Funny

    Yoda said...

    Much conflict I feel within you.

    22.4.05

    ----

    Darth Vader said...

    Dear Yoda,

    You fight like Miss Piggy.

    Sincerely,

    D. Vader

    22.4.05

    --

    Technoli
  27. thank you, submitter, for making my day. by sootman · · Score: 3, Funny

    "Whose trachea do you have to crush with your mind to get a little service around here?"

    --
    Dear Slashdot: next time you want to mess with the site, add a rich-text editor for comments.
  28. blogs... by ocularDeathRay · · Score: 2, Interesting

    I would like all stories that contain the word "blog" to be put into their own category, and an option added to the preference page that would allow them to be ignored. I don't know why they bother me... but they REALLY do.

    --
    Obama is a twitter sock puppet
  29. Disgusting really by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    When I read this blog I found it disgusting that some people seem to feel the need to engage in friendly conversation with a man that is allegedly the greatest war criminal ever. Even on this website some jokingly refer to these crimes as if they are matters of entertainment.

    If this was Adolf Hitler's blog, would these people be chatting and making fun about gas chambers? Disgusting.

    1. Re:Disgusting really by Conspiracy_Of_Doves · · Score: 3, Insightful

      If this was Adolf Hitler's blog, would these people be chatting and making fun about gas chambers?

      No. For one simple reason. Hitler's crimes actually happened. I don't find it anywhere near as disgusting to chat and joke with a fictional character who wiped out several billion other fictional characters.

      You see, some of us can actually tell the difference between fantasy and reality.

      --

      Technoli
    2. Re:Disgusting really by glwtta · · Score: 2, Funny
      If this was Adolf Hitler's blog, would these people be chatting and making fun about gas chambers? Disgusting.

      I'm pretty sure that would be the case. Let's see, something about a gas bill?

      --
      sic transit gloria mundi
  30. Re:Am I the only one who hates dim-on-black? by niiler · · Score: 5, Funny

    *You* tell Darth Frickin Vader that he can't have a black on black page.

  31. Is it just me... by Eradicator2k3 · · Score: 2, Funny

    ...or have there been a few too many Star Wars articles lately. Could we please have a couple of articles about Tiger to round things out nicely?

    --
    Mr. T pitied this fool on 27 July 1992.
  32. Re:Oh Great by Bemopolis · · Score: 3, Funny

    No -- it's news for nerds in Hebrew.

    Bemopolis

    --
    "I guess the moral of the story is, don't paint your airship with rocket fuel." -- Addison Bain
  33. What a treat by dswensen · · Score: 3, Funny

    Oh boy, a chance for more hackneyed, tired jokes about Star Wars! I don't get nearly enough cliched Star Wars humor from Slashdot! "It's as if a million geeks read a blog and then suddenly the server died AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA I AM A COMEDY GENIUS!"

    No thanks, I'll skip it.

  34. Hemming is a filmmaker by MichaelCrawford · · Score: 2, Informative
    His day job is doing broadcast animation and special effects. He also does short movies that you can download in QuickTime format. His most popular is an animation called Space Attack!.

    --
    Request your free CD of my piano music.
  35. Jesus Christ! by CheeseburgerBlue · · Score: 5, Interesting

    Uh...thanks for the traffic -- I hope the spillover to my own website hasn't just cost be a bazillion dollars in bandwidth. I'm watching my stats go through the roof...so *this* is getting Slashdotted. Good thing I hosted the thing on BlogSpot. Mercy.

    --
    I am from a small, grease-loving country in the north called Ca-na-da.
    1. Re:Jesus Christ! by Kehvarl · · Score: 5, Insightful

      "You would prefer another target, a military target? Then, name the system! I grow tired of asking this so it will be the last time. Where is the Rebel base?"

    2. Re:Jesus Christ! by /dev/trash · · Score: 2, Insightful

      if one wants to not incur high bandwidth, one should not advertise one's site.

  36. Re:Am I the only one who hates dim-on-black? by wootest · · Score: 2, Funny

    It's spending a year offline, for bandwidth reasons.