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The Darth Vader Blog
miller60 writes "Darth Vader has launched his very own blog: The Darth Side: Memoirs of A Monster, in which the Sith Lord holds forth in posts such as "Christmas on Hoth" and "I Am Surrounded By Idiots." The comments are a hoot as well. The homage appears to be the handiwork of Canadian Matthew Frederick Davis Hemming."
Yeah, I was there last week. Not a bad blog. One of the better ones out there. However he fails to mention his appearence on Jerry Springer and the real reason why noone understands him. Hes not really a bad guy, he just has issues that noone understands.
I'm a virgo and on Slashdot. Coincidence? Yes.
Definitely a slow day - Google stories, Dupes, Kevin Smith's reviews and now this. We won't complain if you don't post stories, may be the wait will be worth a good story.
ENERGIZE
For bonus points, read the comments on the blog. They're almost as funny, in many cases, as the actual entry.
And this is news...how?
Apr 25 -- James Earl Jones is still doing insulting impressions of me at cocktail parties for cheap laughs; the prostitutes he flirts with think it's "cute".
Slashdot requires you to wait longer between hitting 'reply' and submitting a comment.
A Dark Helmet parody blog soon.
...separating a slow news day and moronic rampage. With all the dupes and non-stories, readers are lately better off just checking aggregating sites such as daily rotation.
Marvin the Paranoid Android has a Xanga, too.
It appears to be a marketing ploy; I can't say that about the Vader blog.
Is it April Fool's Day in some other country or something?
"Journal! So...you have a Live Journal. Your Mood icon has now betrayed it, too. Google was wise to hide it from me. Now the search engine's failure is complete. If you will not turn to the blog side, then perhaps it will."
I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate.
Any bets on how many hours/days until the C&D letter arrives?
Karma: -2147483648 (Mostly affected by integer overflow)
Just a matter of time before Lucas decides to sue him.
I've been enjoying the blog for the last week.
./ it.
Now you've gone and
I remember this cool news blog that would post interesting news for nerds.
wouldn't it be cool if it were still around? THAT would be a h00t!
Chewbacca appears to be blogging for the rebels...
-- If no truths are spoken then no lies can hide --
This is GREAT. Someone needs to give this guy the script to the first 3 movies to redo. ;-)
-jls
Techno-pagan
Also see:
http://www.livejournal.com/~bobafett/
and
http://www.livejournal.com/users/theforce/
He revealed that it was him a few days back, I had a feeling before he revealed it. It had a Cheeseburgerbrownesqe quality to it.
Power Corrupts,Absolute Power Corrupts Absolutely, leaving one person(group)in charge is absolutely corrupt.
I'm just about to open my new site: "The Dark Helmet Side: Memoirs of a Schwartz"
First few posts:
"Channukah on Druidia"
"I Am Surrounded By A$$holes"
"A Night With a Druish Princess"
"Yogurt! I Hate Yogurt!"
"Only One Man Would Dare Use Strawberry"
Developers: We can use your help.
this is not the /. you are looking for.
"Whose trachea do you have to crush with your mind to get a little service around here?"
--20050422
Boy, I know how you feel, Darth! I find myself wondering that all the time.
Go ahead! Mod me down! Who wants a trachea-crushing?!
Electric Monkey Pants
raspberry!
Apr 26 - today I can't listen to Dashboard Confessional because Teena dumped me for Brad and their songs always make me think about her. Maybe this upcoming Radiohead album will raise my spirits. I doubt it. Dad's been totally ragging on me for leaving my helmet lying around the house, but he's like, not my real dad, so I don't have to listen to him. *huhhhh*. *huhhhh*. Yea its like that asshole security guard at the mall telling me what to do, its like, if I want to hang out at the Orange Julius, it's my Constitutional right to hang out at Orange Juliuses, and I'll get the ACLU to arrest him for discriminating against me. *huhhhh*. *huhhhh*.
Slashdot requires you to wait longer between hitting 'reply' and submitting a comment.
and was taken over volatile world of flaws in the BSD would take about 2 hear you. Also, if However I don't percent of the *BSD rivalry, and we''l wiil not work. And website Third, you
Your diary must look odd: "Get up in the morning, death, death, death, death, death, death, death - lunch- death, death, death - afternoon tea - death, death, death - quick shower..."
- Eddie Izzard, Dress to Kill
Surely Darth Vader is bedding many an imperial female or occasional bounty hunter. Let us hear about his sexual exploits.
"I'm surrounded by Assholes" is the quote. Sheesh, am I the only one who's seen SpaceBalls?
click me
Funny how even Darth Vader succumbs to putting Ads by Google in his blog...
Who really is the Master?
Those dim-on-black pages are utterly unreadable with a monitor that is even slightly dimmer than when new.
The real "Libtards" are the Libertarians!
Now AOTS is actually scooping Slashdot instead of just reading it verbatim during the show.
You might also want to check out This Guy and find out what vader is really thinking.
Would take about 2 were co8pouMnded
Now watch all the copycat blogs pop up, banking on the same idea.
"I'm a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar."
-Hoban Washburn
I don't think this is what he hand in mind.
In the comments of the earliest post
I discovered an abandoned deposit in my company owned by one of our Outer Rim customers who died along with his entire family as a result of an landspeeder crash. He actually deposited this funds amounting to IC12,000,000,000.00 (Twelve billion Imperial Credits), for safe keeping in my company here in Mos Eisley. Company file records shows that the funds was actually for a project our late costumer wanted to start in the near future (a multi million Dollar Spice plant in Kessel)
Oh. my. god. that is funny.
Technoli
..allow me to present a quote from Burt Rutan at a recent congressional hearing (please bear with me):
... just about ruined my program," he said, referring his experiences with the office of the FAA's associate administrator for commercial space transportation...'
m l
'"The process
Virgin Galactic is delaying by a YEAR the start of their sub-orbital service - because of our (U.S.) government's red. Tape.
Yeah, I'm off-topic, but if we want such services to start (and then drop in price as they expand), such that WE can actually get into space, we need to help - by contacting our elected officials and letting them know how we feel.
Watching actors and reading fictional blogs by fictional characters isn't going to help.
For more on this, read: http://www.spacedaily.com/news/spacetravel-05y.ht
I'm sorry, but you're allowed a maximum of three names ba Canadian law. He'll have to drop one.
I sensed the death of Boba Fett today. It wasn't the death, per se, that I felt... It was more a feeling of... humiliation. The last clear thought I could make out was "A blind man... with a stick!! AArrrg!!"
"Derp de derp."
This is nothing compared to Terri Shiavo's blog.
Steven Hawking's blog is also entertaining.
__________________________________________
Take comfort in your ignorance.
Grandmaster Plague
Yeah, ehm, how many people was that again?
Flying is easy, just throw yourself at the ground and miss. -Douglas Adams
Slashdot's front page is dessimated by bad advertising or web design. Even after reloading. Does anyone else see this?
--pyro_dude
Shit, I was trying to get into Empire Earth II.
My favorite quote:
I will say this for being a tyrannical dark overlord: you get great service at restaurants.
please send me gay porn
I kind of like Humpty Dumpty at the end of 'Jedi.' He was pasty white and had a nice scar on his head, reminiscent of a fallen, cracked egg. Hayden on the other hand is just too good looking to be a Sith Lord. They should have cast Carrot Top as Vader, someone you REALLY LOVE to hate.
Q: How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for Christmas?
A: He felt his presents
He who knows best knows how little he knows. - Thomas Jefferson
(1) Create Blog ...
(2) Pretend to be a fictional character from famous movie
(3) Follow the Emo-Blogger trend
(4)
(5) Profit!
You know, I have one simple request. And that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads!
Check out Boba Fett's Weblog!
http://bfett.blogspot.com/
I will become more powerful than you can imagine.
Slow down, cowboy! It has been 4 hours since you last posted. You must wait another few hours.
Yoda said...
Much conflict I feel within you.
22.4.05
----
Darth Vader said...
Dear Yoda,
You fight like Miss Piggy.
Sincerely,
D. Vader
22.4.05
Technoli
"Whose trachea do you have to crush with your mind to get a little service around here?"
Dear Slashdot: next time you want to mess with the site, add a rich-text editor for comments.
Darth Vader online dating video at http://www.joking.com/
I would like all stories that contain the word "blog" to be put into their own category, and an option added to the preference page that would allow them to be ignored. I don't know why they bother me... but they REALLY do.
Obama is a twitter sock puppet
Slashdot...
Star Wars for Nerds, stuff that doesn't matter...
Stars Wars fuuuuunnn.....
When I read this blog I found it disgusting that some people seem to feel the need to engage in friendly conversation with a man that is allegedly the greatest war criminal ever. Even on this website some jokingly refer to these crimes as if they are matters of entertainment.
If this was Adolf Hitler's blog, would these people be chatting and making fun about gas chambers? Disgusting.
Awww.. the joyrides for millionares have to wait. Boo hoo. Now what, exactly, does this have to do with Star Wars?
...or have there been a few too many Star Wars articles lately. Could we please have a couple of articles about Tiger to round things out nicely?
Mr. T pitied this fool on 27 July 1992.
It's a Trap!
Not as funny as Yoda's Blog.
Oh dear - if it's something for someone with more money than you - let it not happen, eh? Good thing people didn't think like that in times past or you wouldn't have a computer on which your envious words (let alone fly, drive, phone, etc.).
It's relevant because this is supposed to be News for Nerds. Real nerds do real stuff, they don't sit expanding rumps watching bad movies.
Apparently you missed the word "joyride" (an overpriced one, at that). My life would not be hindered one bit if the Ferris Wheel was never invented - even by the theoretical minimimal loss to the ball bearing industry. And we're not even talking about cancellation, but delay here.
I'm surprised there hasn't been a "cease and desist" letter hasn't been issued by Mr. Lucas yet...
Airplanes were once just for joyrides too. Phones were once just curiousities. Lasers were once just lab toys. Etc., etc.
All were once about as much use as a Ferris Wheel. All were once very expensive.
The point is, Rutan (and Carmack and the other nerds) are doing something real - something that might evolve into access to space by all of us (just as flight is today). Real space. Real life.
A Slashdot article about a humorous blog supposedly posted by some fictional character portrayed by a cloaked actor in a glorified cowboy movie doesn't quite fall into that same realm.
Airplanes were not "just for joyrides" - the military began looking into them almost immediately, as just a single example. Phones were not curiousities - they quickly became essential tools for relaying information, being much more efficient than telegraph for relaying information.
SS1 has no applications, except possibly an incredibly limited role for carrying sounding rocket equipment inefficiently, beyond joyrides.
Carmack, as much as I really like the guy, is futzing around in a garage and has no hope of achieving anything even Rutan-level significant. He can't even settle on his propellant combination to use, for YHVH's sake, after years of working on it. It's almost a completely different rocket every six months, and he's using fuels and technologies (like vanes instead of gimballing) that were long rejected for use in large-scale rocketry (and he's been learning why the hard way). Rutan is making joyrides. SpaceShipOne's ilk can never make it to orbit - it's what happens when you make your design around a heavy tank and a low ISP engine in order to save money.
The funny thing is, when people advocate "private" rocketry, they always point to those who have done rather meager accomplishments, and ignore the private companies that have done great, *real* accomplishments. Why is it, for example, that Boeing and Lockheed are ignored? Even though they used government funding, they built a good number of our nation's major rockets. The Pegasus rocket, built by Orbital Sciences, was built entirely with private funding; it is a rocket that actually *does something useful*, and should be heralded by those who seek private rocketry to bring down costs. But they instead ignore it, and instead cheer for those who accomplish almost nothing in terms of technological issues involved in getting to orbit or reducing costs, like Rutan.
My initial point, however, was that Star Wars has nothing to do with real-world access to space, and it was stupid to bring it up in the first place.
The entry "A Bedtime Story" actually does more to explain what the hell is UP with people in the Empire than all five of the movies put together.
Well, OK, so the LOTR characters predate blogs per se, but this is still pretty funny.
Oh boy, a chance for more hackneyed, tired jokes about Star Wars! I don't get nearly enough cliched Star Wars humor from Slashdot! "It's as if a million geeks read a blog and then suddenly the server died AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA I AM A COMEDY GENIUS!"
No thanks, I'll skip it.
It's like the The Very Secret Diaries of Cassandra Claire http://www.livejournal.com/users/cassieclaire/ meets Star Wars. This one went well, can there be another? Perchance a Very Secret Star Logs site? ;)
You must be the change you wish to see in the world - Ghandi
Hey this site sure shows what Darth does in his off-time...
It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.
Hmmm, then your history texts are different from mine. Regardless.
Pegasus can't launch a human into space (or orbit). Besides, how much does OSC charge for a Pegasus vehicle & launch? What man-rated vehicles do Boeing and Lockheed produce currently? How much do they cost to buy & launch? How often does it happen? How much cheaper and more frequent are these launches now compared to, say, thirty years ago?
Those who you berate as having "rather meager accomplishments" are attempting to break the mold of the ~$125,000/lb cost (lowest right now - Soyuz) of launching a human. Yeah, they are suborbital right now. Yeah, they're climbing a learning curve. Yeah, they're having development problems - like any project.
The Wright Brothers' plane didn't look much like a 747 either.
News for Nerds? Unlike the development of cheap human access to space, Star Wars has nothing to do with Science or engineering. What's stupid again?
Request your free CD of my piano music.
Uh...thanks for the traffic -- I hope the spillover to my own website hasn't just cost be a bazillion dollars in bandwidth. I'm watching my stats go through the roof...so *this* is getting Slashdotted. Good thing I hosted the thing on BlogSpot. Mercy.
I am from a small, grease-loving country in the north called Ca-na-da.
It would be perfect if we could get a reading of this by James Earl Jones, with just the right touch of sarcasm :)
He's a genius. Check out this short story.
Patrick Doyle
I mod down every jackass who puts his moderation policy in his sig. Oh, wait a sec....
This is Darth himself ...
Hulk SMASH Celiac Disease
space (or orbit)
;) There's a good reason for that.
And right there you display your fundamental lack of knowlege of the difficulty between the two. A person is just a cargo; it is absolutely nothing in comparison to the technical challenges in getting to orbit vs. taking a suborbital trajectory.
how much does OSC charge
To accomplish something (i.e., get to orbit)? A lot more than you'd pay Rutan to accomplish nothing (i.e., suborbital). In general, accomplishing something costs you a lot more tha accomplishing nothing.
What man-rated vehicles do Boeing and Lockheed produce currently
The total US demand for new orbital manned vehicles: zero. The US demand is met. As for the joyride business (i.e., sticking a capsule on top), they're not intested. As for *REAL* space applications, they produce almost everything. Launches are far more frequent than 30 years ago (although somewhat down from the peak in the 90s due to all of the new comsat demand).
~$125,000/lb
You *REALLY* should read before you start to post. The global average is about 25,000$/lb. Soyuz is under 20,000$/lb. The cost to, say, go up to ISS will cost you around 20 million, but it won't vary that much depending on your weight; the cost includes all of the cargo you'll need, including waste return, your training and medical work in Star City (which lasts half a year in some rather expensive facilities), etc.
Yeah, they are suborbital right now.
And with any design even remotely like the current one, always will be - read the link provided in my last post to understand why (I don't want to have to retype it every time someone like you comes along).
The wright brothers plane didn't look much like a 747 either
Who said it did? That doesn't change the fact that the Wright Brothers had already sold their first Military Flyer by 1909. The first bombing run had already occurred by 1911, against a small oasis in Tripoli. The first commerical flight - taking people quickly from one place to another - was in 1910. The airplane had *immediate*, *useful* applications (especially to the military).
And it's completely unapplicable to this situation, because the Wright Brothers were a step *forward* in tech, not backwards. The bloody V2, without the benefit of any modern tech and knowlege, performed better than SS1, and cost 18,000$ per launch (190,000$ in modern dollars - a fraction of SS1's successor's target launch price).
Suborbital is cheap and easy, and shoving, say, a parachuting capsule for some people on top instead of a warhead isn't that much more difficult. Or, you can do the approach easier for a hobby aircraft builder like Rutan and make a "rocketplane", the aerial equivalent to a rocketsled, by using an ubercheap (and thus uber-poor performing) rocket engine instead of a prop or jet engine. Both are very simple mods. Again, I refer you to the aforementioned link to discuss the *real* technological difficulties involved in space travel.
CBB is a true artiste! His posts at K5 and Husi are positively tittilating. Plus I hear he's available for freelance graphic work...
- DRFS Rich
>>And right there you display your fundamental lack of knowlege of the difficulty between the two.
And right here you demonstrate your difficulty in comprehension. I am perfectly well aware of the large differences in effort required between a suborbital hop and orbit (both insertion and re-entry). The point I was making is that Pegasus can do neither with a human.
You were the one singing the praises of Lockheed & Boeing. The discussion was about manned flight into space - orbital or otherwise. They currently do neither.
$20M/human to orbit - that's the current cheapest TCO. That is what is important. That is what must be slashed. From among the ranks of the pioneers you slighted might come the one who does that - it is not likely to come from Lockheed or Boeing. Yes - the first flights are suborbital - but at least they are manned. And they'll develop - if government regulation does not stifle them.
And you miss the point about the Wright Bros. plane - you denigrated the suborbital startup operators for not having achieved much. Give them time. It is a work in progress.
Now if you would back off with the attitude, we could have a much more pleasant discussion. As it is I'll stop here. The floor is yours.
And you keep stating this. Now, demonstrate: What is harder about *manned* spaceflight? We've already established, without contest from you, that suborbital flight is very easy, while orbital flight is very difficult. You are trying to append a new "very difficult" in there: having a manned compartment. Please demonstrate why something that actually makes airplane flights *easier* (having humans on board) is supposed to make rocket flights *harder*, by such a degree that an easy task like suborbital flight becomes even remotely comparable in difficulty to orbital flight.
Basically, you need to argue that designing and building a cockpit that needs to only work for a few minutes compares even remotely to the difficulties of thermal loads, rapid temperature cycling, real rocket engines (i.e., a relevant amount of ISP and the huge number of issues that come with that, and low tank mass), etc. It's nowhere close. Building a pressure vehicle with a joystick, while not something you can do on a weekend, is hardly a challenge for someone who runs an a custom airplane company. Please, please, demonstrate why you feel otherwise.
Also, something you keep refusing to address: the fact that a craft that is SS1-style is completely unscalable, as discussed in the article. Please address it, or concede the point.
it is not likely to come from Lockheed or Boeing
Actually, I discuss that in the referenced article as well - something you apparently have not read. Read it, then get back to this discussion.
you denigrated the suborbital startup operators for not having achieved much
You miss a key detail: I denigrate them for taking a route that *cannot* accomplish much, and is the "cheap and easy, but unscalable" way - something that *real* space companies don't do, for good reason. Read the article.
"Christmas" on Hoth? It's supposed to be "Life Day", God help us.
Troll.
There are 4 boxes to use in the defense of liberty: soap, ballot, jury, ammo. Use in that order. Starting now.
Wow. Seeing Darth Vader come out against NCW is astounding. Almost as astounding as the criticisms of the acolyte of the guy who invented it.
Darth Vader: Fourth Generation Warrior. Who would have thunk it?
Sometimes it just feels good to get a little warm sun on my helmet.
This is a pretty funny one, but there are hundreds of parody blogs out there already. Enough to where I'm too lazy to link them all.
"You know why you do not see me styling wit my homies? Because I have no homies!!" -Mojo Jojo
The rebel base is on k5.
Best Slashdot Co
That's comparable to saying "if you don't want to be Slashdotted, don't run a website...'cause you never know!"
/dev/trash, you smell like cheese.
I am grateful to the submitter (or the editor) who decided a direct link to my website in the story copy would be...cruel.
I am from a small, grease-loving country in the north called Ca-na-da.
by CheeseburgerBlue:
>> Uh...thanks for the traffic -- I hope the spillover to my own website hasn't
>> just cost be a bazillion dollars in bandwidth. I'm watching my stats go
>> through the roof...so *this* is getting Slashdotted. Good thing I hosted the
>> thing on BlogSpot. Mercy.
by Kehvarl
> "You would prefer another target, a military target? Then, name the system!
> I grow tired of asking this so it will be the last time. Where is the Rebel base?"
Funny as hell but "insightfull"???
Some mods need a clue by four.
Where she says her mother thinks her boyfried should pay for things as a "repayment" of her company..
So.. your mother thinks you're a whore?
Good reading.
Thanks for playing.
After all, you haven't yet paced up and down in front of the jury while bobbing your head like a chicken and bringing up the Chewbacca Defense.
Lazy, lazy, lazy.
I am from a small, grease-loving country in the north called Ca-na-da.
Somebody get me a .torrent of Episode III (after I've paid to see the premiere via traditional exhibition methods, of course) and I'll see to it that just such an .MP3/.ACC/.WHTVR is created.
I'll need to cast a good voice, though. Does anybody know if James Earl Jones works for half-scale?
I am from a small, grease-loving country in the north called Ca-na-da.
I've already been deluged with e-mails from the copycatters, asking me to do a Darth Vader post about their lame, one-entry blogs.
Like the grunting one. Fuck. Right. Off. It was funny for Schiavo, but if the author had any real guts they'd actually give us the Wookiee's inner thoughts.
And they just go downhill from there. I've seen two Emperor Palpatine blogs, two Luke Skywalkers, and one not half bad one by the son of Biggs.
If I see one from Wickett the Ewok I think I'm going to commit seppuku.
I am from a small, grease-loving country in the north called Ca-na-da.
The honest truth is that "Matthew Hemming" is such an unbelievably common name here in Soviet Canuckistan that I am forced to use middle names in order to differentiate myself from everyone else in our pack of iglus.
Can you imagine the confusion when our mothers called us for supper otherwise?
I am from a small, grease-loving country in the north called Ca-na-da.
Sheesh, am I the only one who's seen SpaceBalls?
Ignorant git. All the best of us around here read it, of course, in the classic of twentieth century literature: Spaceballs: The Novelization.
I am from a small, grease-loving country in the north called Ca-na-da.
You obsession with Star Wars is a tad unhealthly I think.
Your knowledge of pop culture is weak, old man.
I am from a small, grease-loving country in the north called Ca-na-da.
Duh.
click me