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Attack of the Corporate Weasel Words
theodp writes "Does it bother you that churches have a Mission Statement touting their Core Values? That even the CIA has a Vision? In his book Death Sentences: How Clichés, Weasel Words and Management-Speak are Strangling Public Language and in this Newsweek interview, Australian author Don Watson argues it's time to protest the mind-numbing business jargon that infests our schools, churches and political speech. Examples that people have sent to him can be found on Watson's website."
my favorite from TFB would have to be the "Damaging energy exchange". I think it means accident. Although the report in which it was included was at pains to point out that "accident" was an inappropriate term for a "damaging energy exchange", and that the British Medical Association Journal had banned the use of the word "accident" in its articles.' And of course, to "Add value", which is obviously 'to agree with one's boss.'
In Soviet Russia, all your Natalie Portman hot grittified, Netcraft BSD/Steven King obituaried, greased Yoda doll in mabootied, welcomed by our new GNAA-overlorded, imaginary beowulf cluster of Burma Shavin' weasel words are belong to us!
Get thee glass eyes, and, like a scurvy politician, seem to see things thou dost not.--King Lear
http://www.dilbert.com/comics/dilbert/games/career /bin/ms.cgi
Free XBox, PS2
If we aren't going to eight-ball on these associative forward looking statements then clearly we've all got to just co-operatively compete in deciding on a common way forwards that brings all of the stakeholders on board, while enabling individuals to determine their own optimal path to success.
My other pet peeve is "solutions" as in "refuse organisation and disposal solutions" - Trash collection.
An Eye for an Eye will make the whole world blind - Gandhi
We are in a culture where people need to specialize in order to succeed. Now there is only so much specialization that can be achieved. So of course buzz words are needed to justify the niche marketing of... business, goods, and even employment specialties.
...the pointy haired boss from Dilbert is not just a myth. Without these words, that I find to be a detestable sore upon my tounge for each utterance, there are managers that would say "Ooh, that doesn't sound so good... why don't you uhh... perk it up a little bit....yeah." Basically we need to find the Lumbergh gene in the human race and erradicate it so we can stop making the stupid bosses happy, then we can dispose of these garbage words.
Perfecting Discordia
www.stevenvansickle.com
Didn't Orwell write this long ago:
http://www.resort.com/~prime8/Orwell/patee.html
"Exciting re-review and recommenting opportunity" for the /. editor's favorite activity.
"Seven Deadly Sins? I thought it was a to-do list!"
I misread the "Newsweek article" as the "Newspeak article" and I was all like woah, damn dyslexia.
One time I spoke out very strongly about management speak. Synergy this, leverage that. Buzzword Bingo is not amusing when you see that someone can gain power by saying absolutely nothing at all.
The counter argument was that it's the jargon of management. Just as programmers talk about arrays in a different sense than a layman, or maybe 'threading' for another example. Buzzwords isn't a problem, it's just the language of management.
I think that's EXACTLY the problem. Managers don't talk to themselves. They lead with ideas, and understand the problems of others to help organize solutions. If nobody understands what the fuck they are saying, it's not management!
Fascism trolls keeping me up every night. When I starts a preachin', he HITS ME WITH HIS REICH!
Christianity has always been expressed through the culture it lives in. It should be no suprise that some churches have visions and mission statements -- they want to succeed, and one model for success in America is the corporation.
However, there is a backlash against this strict hierarchical structure, and as many traditional structures are being circumvented by new ways of doing things (blogs vs. old media, P2P vs. old music distribution, network vs. hierarchy, etc.), many churches will change to reflect this. This can already be seen in the Emergent conversation, and in the writings of Brian McLaren, Johnny Baker, Doug Pagitt, Tony Jones, and others...
That sounds more like a crash to me -- and not all crashes are accidental.
We can't exactly use the word collision, as not all collisions cause damage (purely elastic or purely inelastic collisions will transfer energy without permenant deformation of the bodies involved)
I'm not sure if there are times when the word 'crash' denotes a situation that isn't a 'damaging energy exchange', but it seems better than 'accident', which has more to do with something not having been done intentionally, and very little to do with damage or energy exchange. (the context of its use may suggest that, but you haven't given its context).
Build it, and they will come^Hplain.
There is a way to actually have fun with these nonsense terms:i tbingo/
http://www.perkigoth.com/home/kermit/stuff/bullsh
I tried this myself in business seminars, definitly works! It's better to have humorous people around, though.
The worst mission statements are the ones that are just so disconnected from reality- The ones that were dreamed up in a boardroom where no one had ever seem the manufacturimg facility. I bought a pair jeans and on the tag it said that "we strive to create the best most durable blah blah blah" and when I put them on, a button fell off....
How about some honest ones- "We seek to have a complete monopoly on unreliable operating systems..."
I love the ones that have nothing to do with the product... "Our mascara comany seeks to delight our customers, create world peace, and give out random orgasms...."
And All I Ask is a Tall Ship And a Star to Steer Her By
I have a small business. I am realizing very quickly that success is often determined by your ability to communicate. (I'm also married, and this rule applies equally well to that.)
If you can't clearly communicate to a client or customer, you can find yourself losing business very quickly. If the client thinks they're getting one thing and you deliver another, that's usually a breakdown on your part. The same goes for clients that don't understand what is required of them.
Clear and concise gets the job done, makes everyone more comfortable, and takes less time than thick marketing copy or 'vision statements.'
In my still-idealistic view of the world, that's how it works. I realize that some companies rely on obfuscation and meaningless text to confuse their customers into thinking they're getting one thing when the proposal says another. Or to lock people into contracts that they didn't understand (ie, zero interest for 12 months).
But those aren't honest. And they don't encourage repeat business, referrals, or customer satisfaction. So in my mind, they don't promote success.
ACTION ITEM!
[b.belong('us') for b in bases if b.owner() == 'you']
If we're going to tackle this corporate jargon problem, team, we're going to have to leverage our core competencies. We're going have to be goal-oriented and results-driven.
I say we kick off our anti-buzzword action plan by hitting the ground running. Now, who's going to own the mid-level implementation plan for this milestone?
P.S. Props to Action Item, Superhero for inspiration.
There are 2 kinds of people in this world. Those that can keep their train of thought,
I'm looking at writing a mission statement for my own company, and the more I research it the more I appreciate existing ones.
/shrug.
It does baffle me that churches have so much money, and I am a little afraid that God (TM) didn't intend it to be quite that way. I'm sorry (I have agnostic tendencies), if God exists I surely don't think (s)he intended for any church to be large enough to be considered a business. In fact it disgusts me that here in the United States many of the local religious figureheads drive nicer cars, own bigger houses, and smoke fatter cigars than myself. Men of God? Nay! Men of themselves.
That said, I appreciate that (privately owned) schools have missions statements, and I appreciate that they are trying to serve their target. I think that every state-funded school in the state of (insert your region) should share a common mission statement. I think its also in their best interest to fulfill their goals as described by that mission statement.
It has gotten out of hand. There was a time when Not-for-profit really meant Not-for-profit, and I see these "charitable" organizations seeming to crawl forward with beady-green-dollar-sign-eyes.
Anyway. Mission statements are a wonderful invention and critical in this world known as capitalism. Bloody hell, though... why does the local minister drive a Lexus?
Deja Vu
n. 1. The sensation that you've read this very article before.
this reminds me of something i saw when i used to work in corporate america. once before a company wide meeting, a friend/colleague handed me a sheet of paper with a grid of boxes on it- like a bingo board, but each box had a 'buzzword' in it- synergy, proactive, win-win, B2B, e-commerce, e-solutions, etc., etc. the goal was to mark off a word every time you heard it in a meeting. if you crossed off all the words in one row, column, or diagonally, you stand up and yell "BULLSHIT!". freakin' hilarious.
What a curios title, How Clichés, Weasel Words and Management-Speak are Strangling Public Language by Don "The Australian" Watson.
Choking the chicken of discontent, are we? Well, if you've ever worked in a call center, weasel words (lies) and management speak (bullshit) are survival tools. Leverage them wisely.
--
What would you hear if you crossed an Australian with a Canadian? G'day, eh. (OK. You think of a better question to make the answer funny!)
"You'll get nothing, and you'll like it!"
From Amazon's book description: "... reflects on the way language has been abused so that, instead of being a means of communicating the truth and entering more deeply into it, and of the acquisition of wisdom, it is being used to control people and manipulate them to achieve practical ends. Reality becomes intelligible through words. Man speaks so that through naming things, what is real may become intelligible. This mediating character of language, however, is being increasingly corrupted. Tyranny, propaganda, mass-media destroy and distort words. They offer us apparent realities whose fictive character threatens to become opaque."
It's all well and good, as we geeks love to feel superior to management-sorts and snicker at them at every available opportunity.
However, this man comes across as something of a luddite. Much of his opposition to certain phrases is decidedly ludden.
What's wrong with "email" as a noun? "E-mail Message" is long and pointless, when Huffman coding suggest it can be shortened to "E-mail" or just "Mail".
In addition to that opposition, he seems to have a limited grasp of Idiom, Synecdoche, Zeugma and other long-established English literary traditions.
What's wrong with calling an iPod "sexy"? How can one meaningfully be opposed to "poor customer service"? "Reject"? "Requeue"?
He sounds like a lunatic complaining at any kind of neologism or idiom he didn't have a hand in. Like people who complain about the change in the meaning of the words "gay" and "pussy".
I'm tempted to say "grow up!" at him.
Also, a Detention Centre isn't a prison. "Ramp up" is an idiom. It doesn't simply mean "to increase". It means to start something small, and the increase gradually to full capacity. Perhaps we should stay that instead?
"To drill down" is a well-established idiom. What's the problem?
It's bonkers. This man seems to have an absurd overreaction to many perfectly innocuous words and phrases. Whether born out of Luddism or some paranoid objection to all neologisms isn't clear, but I'd suggest that this man be ignored as a quack.
I don't know which came first, jargon-talk, or politically correct speech, but somewhere in the last thirty years, speech and writing has become more about saying something with empahis on:
Maybe, though I get slaughtered sometimes, that's why I like slashdot... slashdotters give as good as they take. And usually say what they mean, or at least try. Case in point, how simple could a mission statement (hate that term) be other than "News for Nerds. Stuff that matters." be?
I jumped off the politcally correct band wagon years ago when two "corrections" juxtaposed themselves:
You all can fight back by using candid, frank, and direct language. But, you'll pay a price. Utlimately though I think you'll find it much more satisfying.
To make an only somewhat bold and oversimplified assertion, we've seen the effects of the middle-management mentality in (among many other examples) the travesty that has been the Catholic church's handling of the sex-abusing priests: "Middle-management" shuffled most of them around and let them continues to get away with their sick activities, rather than just deal with them properly in the first place.
Would ANY of that happened if there weren't such a tall management structure, if the religion weren't so organized, if it were instead just a bunch of more-or-less disconnected churches who only paid heed to the main-line directly to their "CEO"? And isn't that the way it SHOULD be anyway?
Feel free to flame, but I just can't see the necessity for such a stratified power-structure in religion.
Just the other day I was ranting to coworkers on how this lingo gets into everyday work.
I was writing up a report and I was including the phrase "Solutions", but I forget what I was solving. Can't I just fix something anymore? Why do I have to deliver a solution?
Issues and solutions, issues and solutions. I with I had an old-fashioned problem. I'd probably just fix it!
Most folk'll never lose a toe, and then again some folk'll...
One of the best counters to this kind of nonsensical speech is the Socratic method of inquiry. Basically, you keep asking questions about what specifically they mean by a certain phrase, and then what they mean by the BS phrase they use to explain the first BS phrase, and so on. This gets rid of a lot of the nonsense speech assuming, of course, that the person speaking such nonsense is doing so out of habit. If the person you are addressing is BS'ing everything because it is to his advantage, then this will go on until the end of time (or at least until one of you gets tired). My step-father actually tried this once with a blowhard and just gave up at a certain point, because the blowhard appeared to have infinite energy for showing that he was "obviously correct".
Similar to the upcoming US election results
It's really not the buzzwords so much as the matrix of meaningless in which they are embedded.
For instance, I've seen the phrase "core competency" come up in this discussion a couple of times. I've actually adopted that one in all seriousness, though, because it is a valuable concept, especially in this time of outsourcing. (And remember, outsourcing doesn't just mean "to India"... a six-person company can't hardly afford not to outsource HR nowadays, and that is largely a good thing all the way around.) If you are in a company and you can't identify your core competencies, you're in trouble. If you try to outsource your core competencies, you might as well just pack up shop. And you ought to be wary about taking on things that don't play to your core competencies, and you ought to be careful about expanding them if you don't have the resources.
But I use the term very specifically, and because there is no better replacement. The problem isn't that word specifically, it's when it gets buried in passive voice and slapped together with other "buzzwords" and ultimately stripped of all referents. "Core competency" is meaningless if you don't really know what it is, or it has no effect on the rest of the sentence/paragraph it is embedded in (i.e., the paragraph makes sense equally if your "core competency" is spinning cotton into thread or performing top-secret assassination missions). Generally, a "mission statement" ought to say outright what it is supposed to be.
There are other similar buzzwords that if you dig into where they came from, there are valuable ideas there and there are a few others I use in all seriousness, even though I'm more an engineer than a manager. It's really more how they are used, abused, misunderstood, and (perhaps most importantly, as shown above) underspecified that really hurts.
(Here, I'm talking about the traditional "buzzwords". This is a separate class from "words I use to say something without invoking the negative connotations", like "issue" for "problem". Those are basically indefensible.)
Actually, you'll never get rid of them, until you get rid of weasels. The human kind, I have no grudge against the kind that weigh less than 10 lbs.
I like the corporate weasel culture. Because when I learn that some biz person is basing their "worldview" on some "business scientology" book, I just "write them off".
--
make install -not war
In my case when I say "I'm good. Thanks" I am really saying "I'm damn good at sex you know".
The problem, usually, is that everyone wants to keep these things generic, bland, and inoffensive. They shouldn't be. For an example of a good mission statement, consider this one I wrote for a computer store I'm a partner in:
No weasel words, no paradigms--shifting or otherwise--and no nonsense. What we mean by these terms is spelled out in our values statement (which I won't reproduce here.) Because I have this statement, I can hold my employees accountable to it.A mission or vision that nobody understands is worthless. But a good one is priceless.
"He who would learn astronomy, and other recondite arts, let him go elsewhere. " -- John Calvin, commenting on Genesis 1
I like price point. I think that implies turning product pricing into a science. I was at Target the other day, and they had Bourne Identity for $13.76. Now I know there had to be dozens of focus groups to come up with that number. But the fact is, at $14.99 it would not have landed in my cart. Somehow, $13.76 sounded reasonable to me. That's a price point. It's also much more concise and precise than "how much I'm wiling to pay".
bance.net
Pauly Shore is now a vicious member of management!?!
(Ya know... That DOES explain alot...)
The purpose is to present an image to the casual observer. Words are selected for their appearance--"pro active", "standards compliant", "reorganization", etc. sound like action, consistency, and controlled change.
But they mean nothing. That's intentional. The corporation does not want to offer its detractors any ammunition for future attacks. "You said that..." Well, actually, we didn't say anything of the sort. Did we?
Do you seriously expect some organization to give you a clear commitment to anything without there being some significant benefit to them for doing so?
It's inconsistent with the corporation's fiduciary responsibility (look that one up, it's a real thing) to act in that manner. That is to say, if a corporate leader does things because "it's the right thing to do for the world/the customers/the industry", rather than "it makes more money for the stockholders and exposes the corporation to less risk", then they violate that responsibility.
At best, that violation is unethical. At worst, it's criminal.
"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, it doesn't go away." - Philip K. Dick
The mission statement for the Church is in the Bible:
1. Love the Lord your God unconditionally
2. Love your neighbor as yourself
It seems like everything else the Church is supposed to do springs from those two commands.
It's good to use your head, but not as a battering ram.
What really gets to me is when it's not even based upon the actual words, but upon the "fear someone might mishear." I'm sure everyone's heard about the politician who got lambasted for using the word niggardly. Then, in a play I was in last year, someone objected to an actor who had the line, "Don't get your knickers in a knot," because she was afraid someone would mishear the word, "knickers." *sigh* And it gets to you after a while. I actually find my self balking for a second before using "black" as a personal descriptor, so many people taking offense, seeing it as labelling.
This sig has absolutely no significance and serves only to take up screen space and waste the time of the reader.
Given that I have to say a lot of fairly boring things I would rather put some effort into giving what I say the qualities you describe than just blurt it out. It makes my day slightly more interesting and it reduces the chance of people getting pissed off, which makes me tired (I am old).
So, while you're making a point of being 'candid, frank and direct' I'll be taking the extra five seconds to be polite, diplomatic and cautious. We'll see which strategy turns out to be more stressful.
Whence? Hence. Whither? Thither.
MOD PARENT DOWN - he discriminates against fat weasels!!!
I'm guessing that wasn't on their radar screen...
Quite frankly, I'd be satisfied if they said "We're working on a new phone, it'll be even better than the last one because it can send e-mails and surf the internet!" instead of "We are designing an nth generation wireless device which will empower users by facilitating multiple forms of digital communication."
My only political goal is to see to it that no political party achieves its goals.
Midair Passenger Exchange
Grim air-traffic-controller-speak for a head-on collision. Midair passenger exchanges are quickly followed by aluminum rain.
A website and plug-in for Word and PowerPoint that measures the overall readability of your documents. It highlights overused consulting jargon, offering witty comments along the way.
http://www.fightthebull.com/bullfighter.asp
Also, for sharing images:
http://depicto.com/
Space and Computers.
I used to be a mid-level manager. I hate listening to people talking about "forces" (did you mean soldiers?) and "resources" (did you mean employees? workers?). I agree with Watson that this kind of talk is deeply dehumanizing.
So at a monthly meeting, when my boss asked me if I needed more resources to complete a project, I said, "I don't think I need any more coal or lumber for this project. I could use some more people though." I think I nearly got fired that day.
A couple of my favourites:
"Could you join me for a brief scuba in my thinktank?"
"Can we pool our brainspaces in a centre of excellence?"
More here
It has been shown in psychology studies that people judge speakers who use longer sentences and who are difficult to understand as more intelligent than people who speak concisely. Especially in the case of authority figures, we tend to assume that the fault lays within our selves for not understanding their novel phrases or convoluted sentence structure. Like the parable of the "Emperor's New Clothes" people are afraid to admit they understand what the authority figure is talking about lest they be mocked by others.
This phenomenon creates an incentive to create "management speak." People will be less likely to question you if you confuse them. People won't complain about being confused because they fear being called stupid.
The word bomber refers to someone who kills with explosives - eg "The Omagh Bomber Faces Charges"
The phrase suicide bomber refers to someone who kills with explosives but also dies in the same explosion either to evade capture or to make sure the bomb goes off.
So what are homicide bombers?
Oh and while we're on the subject, since when did the Department of Defense also do attacks?
This comment does not represent the views or opinions of the user.
The way to stop this nonsense is cleary to make wildass fun of it in a beer commercial. Remember all those idiots that used to say "what's up" in passing in the hallway? That all stopped after the WWHhhaazzzuuuuup beer commercials. If you make them feel like a jackass on a BEER commercial, they'll stop in short order. Or should I say: If you apply a poor quality rating to the suppliers deliverables in a widely accepted public forum, the resultant reconfiguration of the parameters is likely to change toward a positive outcome.
If a word or phrase "Resonates" and "Gains Traction " with the masses it will force a "Paradigm Shift" and become normal. In the end, it matters not if the Language Elite "reject" these terms, "With all due respect" if some of these folks "Moved on" with their "vision" we would be speaking Latin. I just find it a real "Disconnect".
I was biking around and I stopped for a cafeine refuel... decided to drink my cup inside thanks to the nice air-conditioning...
There was a couple sitting at the table next to mine, the man was elaborating at length on some kind of organisational scheme, using the latest buzzwords. And his female companion seemed impressed!
Having finished my drink, I stood up and asked the man: "You must work in HR, right?"
He looked bemused, and said: "Yes. How did you know?"
I just smiled and left.
"To drill down" is a well-established idiom.
... in the oil exploration industry.
... as well as in the adult entertainment industry!
"Creativity is allowing ones self to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep" - Scott Adams
If you say you have a specific list of mission goals, you can avoid actually practising the same goals in actual behavior.
Just more of the downsizing of morality in today's Soviet Amerika.
Pay attention to what they DO - not what they SAY.
.
-- Tigger warning: This post may contain tiggers! --
Hey all right! Someone beat me to posting it. I am... so touched!
... yeah, over the years I have gotten literally thousands of e-mails about it, from addresses all over the place, including countless big-name corporations whom I won't name to protect the guilty. You know who really loves it, though? The government. I've gotten more e-mails from the military, government agencies, and big government contractors like Boeing than I can even count. My all-time favorite is still the guy from NIMA (which I believe is now called the National Geospatial Intelligence Agency ... think spy satellites).
... they learned English as a second language and they're already familiar with this kind of speech. Now that's just ... sad.
Anyway, yeah, it is a little ancient, but judging from the response I still get to it, it's definitely still relevant.
This strip was once printed in the Industry Standard magazine and in PC World New Zealand, of all places. Not to mention that Xerox once used it as a print sample for some of their color printers. But it's mostly known for having "escaped the lab" and been e-mailed to people all over the world.
And, fear not! I know for a fact that it's pasted on all kinds of cubicles all over the planet. In fact, my boss claims that one of the reasons I was hired at my current job is because of that comic strip.
(In case you haven't figured it out yet, I'm the guy what drew it.)
Anyway
Even stranger, though, are the e-mails I get from people in countries where English isn't even the native language. Get your head around that one
Breakfast served all day!
Donating experienced personnel to the local job market.
- us vs. them (developing a subculture)
- control (doctors sell the idea of control through their discourse)
- power (sounding like an "expert")
- dominance (intimidating through fine use of the jargon)
The entire way a doctor approaches a patient is designed to give the patient the idea the doctor is in control of the situation. Not being in the medical profession, I've always wondered how they teach doctor patient interaction and if they actually touch on these control issues? Anyway, it's the same in any group, even slashdot has its own discourse, (e.g. troll, trolling, flamebait, karma) and demonstrating control of the language of slashdot can be perceived as intelligent or desirable among the slashdot crowd.Scott
You don't use the word "fix" because there is no such a thing as a problem. It is a challenge.
Breakfast served all day!
There is nothing modern about it. The original Bullshit How-to Guide is Aristotle's Poetics, written around 350BC. It describes in exquisite detail, how to create religious texts...
Oh well, what the hell...
I'm a writer and editor who appreciates these sorts of books. On Writing Well, Sin and Syntax, the list goes on. Each one gets a note card and the salient points of each book jotted down (which usually fit on one side of the note card). So far, I have nothing jotted down for DS. What he says that is true is said better elsewhere; what he says that is new is...well, I haven't read that yet. The first 1/3 of the book is quite energetic; I enjoy ranting with him about verb-less rhetoric. But then his rather extreme anti-capitalism and anti-Bush views get tiring. For instance, at the 1/3 point in the book, he asserts that the reason public language suffers is the decline in socialism/government management of business. To him, privatization is the Great Language Satan. I see.... Read E.B. White instead. Read the King James Bible. Awash in simple, profound language, you'll find hope of speaking well and less anger at conservatives.
"If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit."
How true it is.
I think of this as "cargo-cult management". (Check wikipedia if you're not familiar with cargo cults.) People notice that many successful companies have a coherent core values and missions and whatnot, and certain kinds of documentation and processes, and decide that those things cause success, when in many cases it's much more likely that some third quality is causing both success and the observable "cargo" of mission statements.