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Copy Machines At Greater Risk During Holidays
Ant writes "CNET News.com reports that photocopier supplier Canon is warning customers to take better care of their office equipment during the Christmas period. It claims that the festive season traditionally leads to a 25 percent hike in service calls due to incidents such as the classic backside copying prank.
Such a stunt, a mainstay of the office party, often results in cracked glass on the copier, with 32 percent of Canon technicians claiming to have been called out to fix glass plates during the Christmas period after attempts to copy body parts went wrong..."
Show me!!!
..compared to faxing your penis
That's why I only photocopy women's breasts. That keeps most of the weight safely off the copier.
This year's Christmas party is gonna ROCK!
awwww poor copy machines!!
That's why I saved the first copy I made of my ass: now I just photocopy that.
The snow doesn't give a soft white damn whom it touches. -- ee cummings
Just the words "paper jam" bring me out in a cold sweat...
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The idea of having sex either doesn't come to mind, or the prospect is so daunting, geeks resort to other means to attempt reproducing.
Just imagine a scene from 'Theres something about mary' but instead of a zipper, you got a paper feeder :P
Because this is the one time of the year where the average /.er might actually have the opportunity to see a girl-they-work-with's ass, albeit in B&W on a crumpled sheet of paper in the trashcan? I'd say that's some "shit that matters". Or maybe that'll be the smear across the glass on the copier, so it helps to have a "heads up" before you go thinking it's chocolate and try to lick it off.
Season's greetings and shit.
If you were me, you'd be good lookin'. - six string samurai
Comment removed based on user account deletion
...if it cracks the glass. Somebody who responded to all those" enhancement" spams? Or--omigod--Bob of Enzyte fame actually taking himself seriously?
Ignorance is curable, stupid is forever.
Keep in mind that they are separate sentences. Therefore, a story can be "News for Nerds," "Stuff that matters," or both!
As for me, being a guy who used to have to fix printers and copiers (among other random IT things), I can appreciate the story.
So go pound sand.
x = x + ++x;
Make 45 inclinded copy machines, so we don't really sit on it, just lean with our asses on it. It would make the force excerced on the glass divided by something like 5 or 10 i guess.
You just got troll'd!
Sounds like Canon should fix this problem and use stronger glass. I'm sure everyone would be greatful, and Canon could claim their copiers are now "safer" than the competition.
Apparently, they increased the depth of the glass from 4mm to 5mm to counter just this problem..
Are these photocopies being taken for gift purposes? Because I've heard of some cheap-ass gifts, but actual cheap ass-gifts? That's the lowest of the low.
I hear there's rumors on the Slashdots
So now you have a bloody gash running down your backside... seems to me that the medical bills and cleaning all the blood out of the copier would be the expensive parts of this little situation.
Free Conference Call -- No Spam, High Quality
I fix copiers. The last time I fixed one of these they also broke the scanner. The person tried to say the glass caved in while they were copying a book. But the idiot left the copy of their rear end jammed in the machine. The damage wasn't under a maintaince contract as its considered abuse and misuse. It cost $1832.68 to repair. That was one costly rear end shot.
I trust Microsoft as far as I could comfortably spit a dead rat
Canon, why don't you invent a plastic substitute for people to use during the holidays?? Of course it would have to be anti-bacterial plastic, but surely if you can make a digital camera with a zillion complicated parts you could make something simple like this??
Call it the Christmas bum-shield. Normally I would charge heavily for advice leading to this kind of business opportunity,
Take the cheese to sickbay, the doctor should see it as soon as possible - B'Elanna Torres, "Learning Curve"
The Goatse man ever cracked the glass of a photocopier
There is another kind of evil which we must fear most, and that is the indifference of good men. -- Boondock Saints
We have a 2 week Christmas break, and returning to work last January 4th was a bit of a puzzler.
I returned to a rather frantic voicemail stating that the Panasonic wasn't working correctly in accounts. What worried me was that the Post-It note on my desk stating the same thing 'Account copier broken' - had blood all over it.
I wandered over to have a look at the problem, only to be confronted by a department that seemed strangely quiet, and a perfectly working copier. However, there was a bloody mark along the floor matching the edge of the copier, but it looked like it had been moved. "Fair enough, something odd is going on, and the copier has been cleaned/moved..." I thought. The someone piped up that they couldn't print to it. On closer inspection, it transpired that this machine had no network settings and was, in fact, a totally different machine.
So I duly phoned the copier company and was informed that our contact was off sick and was extremely sorry for what had happened and in any case, he had 'paid for it' and hoped the replacement was in good working order.
On querying further, it transpired that our copier contact had been seeing one of our accounts staff, and they'd used the copier for 'support' during a 'on-site' session together. At some point the glass cracked and certain appendages got caught in the resulting mess of (heavy) woman, glass and plastics, the outcome of which was a broken penis (ouch!) and lots of blood, and I assume a lot of pain and noise. The new copier arrived during in the Christmas holidays and the door entry logs gave up the secret that the accounts clerk had come it to take delivery of it and set it up in the hope that everything would be okay... ho ho ho...
But you know...
Thats why you dont have office parties in the office!
Drunk people plus expensive equipment equals badness.
Much better to go with somewhere with low light, then that chick in accounts with the great body but bucktooth teeth will be ever so appealling.
Yes, we all know that one crack is enough, we sure the hell don't need anymore than that!
This is a slow News for Nerds day story... that's all. Come back Monday when we're back to business.
So go pound sand.
Which is, of course, a euphemism for having sex with silicon-based life forms. Like copiers. *drool*
(okay, they aren't alive, and aren't really silicon-based, but hey, they get warm, which is good enough for me.)
they can break. Thats why I use the Xerox Assjet 790. The only copier made especially for your ass. Remember, when copying your ass this holiday season, choose quality, choose the Xerox Assjet 790.
"In the game of life, someone always has to lose. To me, if life were fair, that someone would always be Oklahoma." -DKR
I guess what they've been finding lately are /. stories. The attack of the dupes!! (not that this is one... yet)
Disclosure: I'm stupid
Fragrance and Window's cleaner producers see surges in post-x'mas sales even after the boxing week madness.
I want to know who are these companies who are too cheap to have their parties at venues OUTSIDE of the actual office!?
Crack on glass give crack in glass and glass in crack
:)
"ommmmmmmm"
PEN IS
...
STUCK
IN PRINTER
I loved the image so much, I put a sign that said the above on the printer in our helpdesk. Never seen so much coffee spirted out of peoples mouths in ages
Robert Anton Wilson
.. it would have been worth it.
ResidntGeek
I think all we need now is a scale in front of the copiers with a sign attached: If you weigh more than 135lbs please do not sit on the copier. This way we won't be breaking the photocopiers and two, anything body part that is photopied is likely to be a welcome image for us to view!
Hey, you worked at Readysoft didn't you? I forget your name, but I'll remember the photocopier accident forever!
One line blog. I hear that they're called Twitters now.
...my arse to be on the copier at the time it broke.
How would you explain the blood? What the hell would you tell the doctor?
What is the point of the internet?
News for Nerds. CHECK.
Stuff that matters. Wha??
Makes one wonder in horror when one sees the dark smudge marks around the "Copy" button.
What is the point of the internet?
If you're feeling that bummed, Al, just go ahead and watch "The Day After Tomorrow" a few hundred times and leave us alone.
Gamingmuseum.com: Give your 3D accelerator a rest.
I tried to photocopy my penis. But I had to do a double sided print to fit it all in and I just could figure out how to get it through the double sided document feeder.
You know - the one with images of all of the photocopies?
This is why you don't copy your ass in your OWN copier, you use somebody else's!
There appears to be a market opportunity for a manufacturer that can certify their equipment is up to xmas party requirements. Machines that have been tested and certified to survive even the worst of xmas party hijinks, perhaps they could use your average call centre xmas party as a benchmark and the addition of a clean wipe dispenser might help to meet OH&S standards.
Oh god, I hope they didn't try using the document feeder for anything...
Rent the ass copier for office party.
Talking to one of our engineers this morning [Xerox], this practice is know as Pressed Ham by the guys who have to fix the copiers.
Sara
Designer, Gamer, Macgrrl in an XP World
Some years ago Saturday Night Live did a skit with sponsorship from Xerox of the new Assjet Copier, with a specially moulded platten deisgned to take the weight and to 'lift and seperate' for a perfect ass shot every time... We show it to new starts as a psuedo induction training video. :)
Sara
Designer, Gamer, Macgrrl in an XP World
Free tatoos?! I'm in....
"That's why I saved the first copy I made of my ass: now I just photocopy that."
We know.
dude, you need to get out more.
Naw, those aren't breasts.
These are breasts.
</impression>
"Paper cut"!
Awww man. Is this the best a slashdotter can do? Anna Ohura? Try these on for size. Melina Velba...
Oh pleeeeese let me get that job as a canon repair tech... Just for a day...
I'd love a 'bum scan' file that I could send in A3 to those multi-function print/scanner/copier machines. Particularly in a organisation stupid enough to have unfettered access to remote printers in remote locations and the obligatory communal 'scanner PC' hooked up.
Then you could anonymously send the 'bum-scan' to a remote location, and let it languish in the pile of uncollected print jobs.
http://www.youtube.com/watch.php?v=rCyFs7mwq4M
+5 funny
Sweet! Send us a picture!
Personally, I think that if you're stupid enough to sit on a copy machine, you deserve to get an ass full of broken glass.
I guess this really needs a couple of links
m vw mvw mv
r -copier.jpg
http://www.whowantsabalti.com/video/photocopier.w
http://www.whowantsabalti.com/video/photocopier2.
http://www.whowantsabalti.com/video/photocopier3.
and
http://www.whowantsabalti.com/funpics/spicy/colou
Happy Silly Season
.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
-Bertrand Russel
Sounds like a job for the build team...
LOL! Is there a video clip of this skit/spoof?
Ant(Dude) @ Quality Foraged Links (AQFL.net) & The Ant Farm (antfarm.ma.cx / antfarm.home.dhs.org).
All I could find was this Wave file of it.
"In the game of life, someone always has to lose. To me, if life were fair, that someone would always be Oklahoma." -DKR
My college girlfriend (yeah, yeah, I'm a geek, and I had one...) and I found a paper bag that was full of xeroxes of a woman masturbating with a soy sauce bottle. So, what did my girlfriend do? Later on, she gave me a present, a pack of xeroxes of her masturbating on the copy machine.
She was a hot one. Too bad she was a psychology major...
Awesome furniture, accessories and cabinetry in Santa Rosa, CA: http://humanity-home.com/
They're lighter and won't break the glass.
This sig is worse than my last.
The platen glass is only designed to withstand 3 lbs of pressure.
"The price good men pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men." ~Plato (427-347 BC)
Personally, I could have gone all week without hearing a PSA about copier chocolate.
One man's religion is another man's belly-laugh. - LL
I've been in the copier business for 25 years. I know of only one example of it happening. About 10 years ago, we had one get broken by a (now former) grocery store manager for one of those all night grocery stores. He not only broke the glass, he bent the scanner rails, and bent the lens box cover. I think the copy your backside problem is because that in the 60's and 70's the mainstay copy machines were huge old Xerox types which had a semi curved glass which was coke bottle thick! The glass on todays photocopiers are just a few millimeters thick, which sure won't hold up to the weight of the "average" person.
How much glass can an ass crack crack if an ass crack can crack glass?
"You'll get nothing, and you'll like it!"
Yes, those "other body parts."
Here at the Astrological Society, etiquette dictates you can make a copy of Saturn, Pluto and Mars, but not of Uranus.
My Dad repairs Canon copiers for a living, I'll have to ask him if he has any funny stories. As much as he knows about electronics, it's amazing how he can't even operate a microwave, newer tv, DVD player, computer, radio, clock, etc. The wonders of old age :)
From my experience a photocopy is all you really want to see. You seriously don't want to deal with the BS of sleeping with a coworker.
Video
Thanks, o lameness filter, for saying that this is art.
Something goes wrong and not one person has said "Linux could solve this" yet!
Must be a record.
But this can't be that much of a problem, right? I mean, this was funny for about 5 minutes back in 1972.
The glass breaking must be the american part. Elsewhere we just make the copies and don't break the glass. We are not so fat :)
Why don't the manufacturers use thicker glass instead?
Reality has a notoriously liberal bias -- Stephen Colbert
frosty tisot ?
bare ass on the glass
crack in ass filled with glass from
photocopier
Good luck sometimes arrives disguised as bad
"Did you hear about the model who sat on a broken bottle and cut a nice figure?"
Beautiful.
In all the offices I have worked (US, UK, Mexico, Malaysia, Vietnam, etc) alcohol was always strictily forbidden, party or not.
Which kind of companies are those that allow this kind of stuff to happen?
Secondly, only in the US and UK they find funny to show their ass. Is this an aglosaxon thing or what?
IANAL but write like a drunk one.
I cleaned a lawyers office that with a copier that copied on 11x17, plenty of room for my schlong.
Only on slashdot will you find people actually calculating the amount of force it takes to photocopy ones ass.
-Glitch "We all know Linux is great...it does infinite loops in 5 seconds." - Linus Torvalds