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Cancer Survival for Software Developers
Paul Pareti writes "Doug Reilly has published an affecting, personal piece about Surviving Cancer if you're a Programmer. You don't have to be a sufferer to benefit from reading it, especially his conclusions, including the perspective-lengthening advice: 'Make sure you are not indispensable!'"
Make sure you are not indispensable!
Wow. That just may be the first ever selfless good deed.
Religion for nerds. Stuff that really matters
...you will never be promoted.
The simple truth is that interstellar distances will not fit into the human imagination
- Douglas Adams
I found the article a little "wieird", If I found myself with terminal cancer, my family and myself would be on the top of the list. I would spend every last waking momement with my kids. I would take every precaution to say to them what needed to be said and done, The LAST thing on my list would be source codes and clients...
Sure it sounds WRONG, but take a step back, and think about it. I'm going to die in 6 months, sorry ozzy/harriet daddy has to go take care of some stuff at the office, dont worry, i got 6 months left.
Unless ofcourse its Curable, which then, I would have to balance the two a little more carefuly.
-- I Dont Deserve A Sig I Have Bad Karma
'Make sure you are not indispensable!'
I don't know about you all, but I'm good to go on that one. Quite frankly, there isn't anyone that can't be replaced at a moment's notice.
If I'm going to die of cancer I could give a shit less how my employer makes out when I'm dead.
I'm dying...UH OH, I'd better make sure all my code is documented. That's ridiculous.
The following points from the article should be followed regardles of having a potentially terminal illness:
* Make certain that source code is where it should be.
* Clearly document anything "strange" in the source code you deliver. .
* Make certain you have a "buddy" developer who knows what you are doing.
If nothing else, the first two are essential if you want to read your _own_ source code after a year or two's time and figure out what is going on.
1. Call boss: "I quit"
2. Sell house, possessions.
3. Move to tropical island paradise.
4. When the pain sets in - gun to head.
5. Afterlife????
A few months after my mother died from breast cancer, my boss was harrassing me for not being willing to put in 80+ hours per week because I was spending too much time with family. When he told me I needed to work his way or take the highway, I took the highway. My dad and I took a road trip to from California to Idaho to bury mom's asshes with her folks, I went back to school for a year and got a better paying job two years after I left my old company. Unless you work for a great company that cares about the employees, you got to deal with the jerks.
This is about responsible programming/working in general. I don't think it really has a damn thing to do with cancer compared to retirement/other death/going to jail.
If a nation expects to be ignorant and free, in a state of civilization, it expects what never was and never will be.-TJ
We should ensure that, no matter what happens, we have taken care of our responsibilities such that, in the event of our departure, our clients and employers can continue to function normally.
Well, if you are dying, you may have other priorities in your last days. The above quote might be relevant if you own or run a company, but not for the average Joe.
Most people would not think twice about quitting their boring jobs and actually try to enjoy the last hours of their lives.
He who knows best knows how little he knows. - Thomas Jefferson
You insensitive clod.
6. Prophet
it's pretty hard to get a gun in countries other than the United States, especially so if you have a terminal illness (it's easy to guess what you would do with it).
If I had any cancer which was seriously threatening my health I would delete everything I could possibly delete and then laugh until I cried.
Well, not really. But I certainly would be more worried about myself than about how I could arrange for my clients to keep making money. The only reason you want your clients to make money is so that they will then have to give some of that money to you in the form of your fees. Beyond that they can go fly a kite.
Of course you would. If you were currently dying of cancer. He says very clearly that if your case is terminal, that's what you should do. The article isn't for those people
It's for people with either curable cancer, or cancer that is long-term treatable (will likely kill you in the next decade, but you'll be fine for at least a few more years). People in those situations can't afford to quit work entirely (not with those Dr bills, trust me!), and in all likelyhood shouldn't give up their normal lives. But it does mean that they have a better-than-average chance of dying, and should probably take a few precautions just in case.
Yes, if you hate your job, hopefully something like that would be a wake-up call to change your situation. But if you're fine with your job, and are most likely not dying anytime soon, quitting is not necessarily the obvious solution.
Warning: Apple/Nintendo fangirl. Likes her electronics cute & cuddly. May be rabid.
The problem is that isn't quite what he was getting at.
Doug's first cancer was curable (as it was contained only in his liver and is completely gone after the tumor was removed.)
His second is treatable, and he may live as long as 10 years.
I don't know about you, but I can't spend 10 years with my family. I would need to work to have a bit of money, especially for these cancer treatments.
Now were it terminal, I'd tie up loose ends and get the hell out of dodge. But if I saw a lot of hope in hanging on for quite a few more years, I'd slowly back off instead.
Like he's doing.
Years ago, wherever I worked, I had a cartoon that hung in my office. It was from an early source code control company, and it showed a woman with two small children at a graveside. A man in a suit walks up, and the caption says, "Do you recall him ever mentioning Source Code?"
Anyone have a link?
...I thought that article was retarded.
I'm just stating my opinion here, but it's talking about living life from the wrong end of the spectrum. For one things, one of the first things that came to my mind when I read it was, "Get a freakin life!!" If a person is so concerned about what will happen to them after they die, then they should really re-evaluate the way they live. I live my life in such a way that if I had to be replaced because of death, people wouldn't think, "Oh I wish he had left us the password to his computer so we could get his source code." More importantly though, I don't sit around thinking of ways that I can make my passing invisible to most people around me. But then again, I don't have cancer...
I have nothing against the author of the article, I just disagree completely with the validity of the argument's origin. Who cares whether you're going to die or not, you should do those things regardless.
1. Walk into shooting range.
2. Rent handgun, buy 50 rounds of ammo.
3. Practice target shooting, 49 shots total.
4. Turn around 180 degrees.
5. Put handgun in mouth.
6. BOOM!
I am in the same boat as the author of the article. I found, however, the conclusions and advice to be rather awkward if not just plain weird. To be honest, I doubt the accuracy or sincerity of the author. Sounds a bit James Frey-ish to me.
Here is how it works... You get diagnosed with cancer and then you freakin' forget ANYTHING about work. Period. I don't frickin' care if you are the president or Sheryl Crow. You take care of yourself and your family. Managing your work is just below the bottom of any priority or list you may have.
Been there, done that with too many family members and others in our support network. The article is pure sci-fi/fantasy/victim-hood non-sense. I don't think that in my life that I have ever been offended by anything, but the editor who put this on Slashdot is getting pretty close to being the first to do so.
"If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid." - Epictetus
Oh, I expected another article about software patents :-) You know the EU is currently pushing for the Community patent.
But here it's cancer or more explicit death. A student I knew suffered liver cancer and did not write a testament. He died three yrs ago. So his property went to the Government and his friend (he was homosexual) had to move out of his flat.
The advice the adeveloper gives to us is very intresting and should apply to all of us. Truck numbers of projects have to be kept low (A truck number is the number of people that can be hit by a truck without the project collapsing).
The truth is that we will die. Make sure people will not find it hard to hack your code or your code will die too. Intrestingly the gplv3 includes a death provision but it is for software patents.
A lot of comments here are along the lines that if they were dying they would screw work and spend time with their families. I gotta ask - why would it take your impending death to spend this time ?
Every day you go to work before your child gets up and get home after they've gone to sleep is a day that you both lose. Every saturday you spend getting those TPS reports done is another day of play and growth that you will miss with your child.
An earlier poster said that they would spend the time making sure that their kids know what they need to. That kinda implies they aren't doing it now. People say that they would spend the time with their family.
Maybe I've got the wrong end of the stick - maybe you already do that. But to me, every day I live is one day closer to the end of my life. I only work to make sure that I can keep my family safe, warm, healthy and educated. Once I've worked enough to make that happen, the rest of the time is for them, because each day is one less day that I have to share with them.
A few years back, I had a close coworker who was diagnosed with cancer. He decided that he wanted to work, be productive, and fight it as best he could, even though his chances were slim. He came to work every day he could and did his job, even when he was losing hair and using a laptop from the hospital bed.
After he died, our team was devistated. I'm not sure we accomplished more than simple maintenance activities for months afterwards. Even though he'd tried to put things in order, it was still tremendously difficult to fill where he'd been. It probably took a good year before things felt on track again.
It's strange even now, running across his name in code or tucked away in a database somewhere. I support his few remaining applications, which some day will be retired as well. The things we leave behind . . .
Today there is no such thing as loyalty in the business place.
/your/ welfare after you are gone.
Employers will dump you in a nanosecond if the finance number crunch that way, and they will not in the least be concerned with
Why should I be concerned about theirs?
A work that expires before its copyright never enters the public domain and thus enjoys eternal copyright protection.
The article starts making the distinction between curable and non. Even goes on about Lance Armstron and all...
Well, slashlot will be slashdot.
NO SIG
Quite frankly, the onus is not on me to assure the continuity of business as a lowly analyst in a huge company. Part of my job is to do work in accordance with company policies - including documentation. These policies were set up by someone because they realized that documentation of how things work is almost as important as actually making them work. Thus, I document, both for my own good and because it's part of the prescribed process to follow.
I work on an internal system at a large company that's mission critical to our core business. Five people in the history of the company have worked on it - two moved on, one died, and there are two of us left. He's a private pilot, I'm a suicidal driver, and we spend quite a bit of time together outside of work. The question comes up regularly, "What if you guys get hit by a bus?"
My answer: Then I'm dead, I no longer give a @#$^.
Good comments. I even have a copy of the mentioned "source code" cartoon somewhere in my files.
My mother died of breast cancer 6 years ago. She was diagnosed in her mid/late 50s and insisted that we not tell anyone. She didn't want to be viewed or treated differently. When her cancer recurred, her doctor called it "terminal recurring breast cancer" and gave her 6 months to a year to live. She lived 8 more years after the reappearance and died of cancer at age 80.
When first diagnosed and for most of the time following that the web didn't exist but she did take advantage of other resources like medical libraries. Research is important as the author attests. Equally important, however, is finding the right experts.
My mother saw one doctor who, after a cursory exam and x-ray viewing, declared that the cancer had spread and had eaten away part of her ribs and said, "come back next week and we'll start chemo". No discussion of options (other than joining a statistical study the Dr. was involved in). She saw another doctor who spent some time on the case. She saw the same x-rays and patient but was able to determine that the darkness on the x-ray was not due to "dissolved ribs" but due to dense soft-tissue blocking the x-ray and that the range-of-motion issues were due to the tumor. A couple months of Tamoxifen and the tumor had shrunk to golf-ball size and was removed with relative ease. The range-of-motion issues started easing within a couple weeks of starting Tamoxifen.
Also, don't get complacent. My mother had a mastectomy so she didn't think cancer when she started having discomfort raising her arm on that side. She assumed that if she did get cancer it would be on the remaining breast. Wrong. If you have cancer, be extra careful about continuing checkups even after you are "cured".
My dad got prostate cancer which was discovered due to urinary symptoms. Routine screening wasn't done at that time and through careful research and good medicine he lived 13 more years. He died last year at age 76. With earlier detection he might still be with us.
So for the rest of us, get those exams. I'm in my 40s but get regular PSA and prostate checks due to the family history. I also get a full body check for skin-cancer every couple years (from birth to age 18 I lived in the Mojave desert sun with my hair turning white and my skin turning brown every summer - we didn't know from sunscreen back then). When I turn 50 I'll probably be first in line for the colonoscopy. If I do get cancer, I want to catch it early.
~~~~~~~
"You are not remembered for doing what is expected of you." - Atul Chitnis
With all the deep sympathy for anyone with a serious disease, I find the ideas in the article ridiculous at best, appaling at worst.
To put it bluntly - who gives a flying fig about employers convenience, when life and health of individual are at stake. If only a few years are left for one to live, it is far better to spend them with loved ones or doing something that is important to the person (or makes a difference to the world, or both) then wasting your time writing useless code for someone's profit. Unless of course this happens to be "what is important to that person" - and then I would strongly suggest reviewing priorities, while there is still time.
Pretending that there is such a thing as "work ethics" and "loyalty" on part of employees when nothing is given or guaranteed by employers is both silly and dangerous.
Growing up I always heard that about the US and other countries, especially from pro-2d Amendment people. As an adult, traveling to a number of countries with supposedly communistic level gun laws, I saw lots of firearms. In fact, the more stringent the laws, the more likely people had them (I have never been to the UK, which I expect would be the exception). In Hungary everyone knew a deer hunter and those cheap ass Markov pistols were everywhere; I visited a gun shop in Debrecen, for example, which looked like any American shop with usual range of deer rifles, shotguns, and a sexy looking .44 Magnum with a huge barrel prominently displayed. Forget about Mexico, the only people who don't have guns there are too poor to afford them. And if you think Texans have lots of guns, visit the island of Cyprus sometime. Those fuckers keep guns.
I am sure the average Blair supporter has fewer guns than the average Bush supporter, but in general, I think most of the world doesn't really pay attention to laws the way Americans and Brits do. The legality of owning a gun just doesn't enter into the discussion if a Bulgarian with extra cash sees his cousin's pistol freshly "liberated" from army service. The rest of the world is used to and expects unfair laws, so they don't get irate about them the way either the NRA or Handgun Control does here, they just go about their lives avoiding cops as much as possible regardless of what they are doing. And for most of them, they have about as many guns in their daily lives as we do.
1. I agree - If I was dying - I wouldn't really care too much.
2. Write legible code and document it ANWAY - you should have to be dying to do so!
3. A terminal disease nonwithstanding - you could get hit by a bus tomorrow.
4. There is a far greater chance that anyone reading this will get layed-off by their employeer and cast them into the same situation.
I personally bought and read "The Cancer Code" from www.cancercode.com What I found especially interesting was the art of "concealing weakness" from other businesses during negotiations. Also I downloaded the free reader from www.mindjet.com - it IS pretty amazing that something like that could be conceived in a Leukemia Ward ! That male instinct to create a legacy somehow, it's well described introspectively here.
With odds like that, I hope everybody would find something useful to do with the time they have left.
If you could be helpful and leave the world a different place than when you got here - that would be nice.
I would hope some good programmers out there get into genetic engineering.
Gene boosting people to live a few hundred years - while having the body of a 27 year old would be a nice way to live.
Cheers to this guy for surving cancer, but the article states in the footnote that the author is the owner of this business. He also continues to drone on about the employees obligation to his/her employer explains itself if you start from the bottom of the article.
If you are reading this article, I strongly suggest you read the following before listening to anything at all this guy has to offer, especially his request that you "look for another job". That is completely ludicrous.
Questions and Answers About Cancer in the Workplace and the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA)
Be sure to remember the Programmers Prayer
Well, there goes my only strategy.
Change their role immediately. Like cancer, this is a condition that usually doesn't get better all by itself.
"I'd rather be a lightning rod than a seismometer." -Ken Kesey
Once they find out you are going to die of a long, painful and VERY EXPENSIVE death, I am guessing they are more concerned at how much their medical insurance costs are going to increase because of your illness. Maybe they are thinking it would be better if you were hit by a bus (since you are going to check out anyway). And, oh yeah, make sure those comments are up to snuff.
Excellent article, and I agree with everything he wrote. I've thought about this too, as although I'm still quite young (26) I know from family history and my own personality I'll work until I literally drop dead. It would drive me insane to just sit at home "retired" because I love my work so much.
Don't get me wrong, I don't really care what my company does or doesn't do after I'm gone, but I have some great friends here and I do care quite a bit about them. I wouldn't want to suddenly drop tons of work on them when I know a 10 minute conversation or copying code would have saved the day.
Perhaps it's a bit selfish, but I would like to leave the impression when I'm gone that "Yeah, he was a great guy" rather than "He was a great guy, but now we're screwed". I try not to leave projects unfinished and I see no reason why my career as a whole needs to be any different.
He dances around random topics, only getting to the title subject after about a thousand words. Much of it is completely obvious:
Once you are cured, I believe there is no requirement that you tell future employers or clients about your prior illness
No shit? I thought I was obligated to tell everyone my health history. Then there's this golden bit:
A large number of cancers are not, strictly speaking, curable.
Gee, what about not strictly speaking? Are these cancers curable then? No? I guess cancer is a bit worse than the flu.
Summing Up
If you're gonna die as a programmer, be responsible. This is no different from any other spotaneous leave without contact. Don't be stupid.
As a European now living/working in the USA this just really highlights what I've personally observed as a frequent difference between Americans and Europeans at work.
Many Americans will chose to give their qhole lives over to their company even at a cost to their family and own personal lives. (e.g. giving up weekends to go into the office even without anyone telling them to). It seems to me that either most Americans are crazily work-addicted or possibly too scared to risk being perceived as non-conformist. I'm not clear which, but its definately sick, and legitimises abuse by employers.
The European attitude is much more that you should work to live, not live to work.
Java developer out of work due to the big dot-bomb crash of 2001; had my fiance's insurance. We got married in September, had a honeymoon, Sept 11th happened on the day we were supposed to come back. I'd been having night sweats for months and had lost a lot of weight for the wedding; wasn't eating much, but thought that fat guys sweat a lot at night, so didn't think much of it. Lost 60 pounds. Night sweats. Drenched the bed. After our honeymoon, I started having CHILLS. and Night Sweats. Crazy stuff. Teeth chattering, etc. I got to the doctors and he said I had Montezuma's Revenge and... something else. Hepatitis? Blood work was coming up weird. He ran more tests then sent me to an oncologist at the "Cancer Center". "Don't be scared of the name," he told me. "It just says Cancer. Doesn't mean you have cancer." My oncologist was great. I had a lump under my armpit. She and the surgeon could feel it. I couldn't tell. Married for 2 weeks. No job. Whee, fun. I had a bone marrow test; no cancer there. Surgery told us it was Hodgkin's Disease. Later to be renamed by Larry David as "The Good Hodgkin's" [ http://tinyurl.com/lpcsz ] He's a crackup. Stage 3B. It's spread across my chest and into my spleen and liver. Curable, they told me. On the roulette wheel of cancers, you want Hodgkin's. No one in my family had ever had it. A blood aunt had Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. A non-blood aunt also had had NHL. My mom kept a clean home - they say that many Hodgkin's cases come from clean homes. That bitch. :-)
I was told 6 months of chemo and then radiation treatment. In the meantime, I was frantically looking for a job, but no one was hiring.
Had my first chemo, then 2 days later an interview. Java development. They wanted to hire me, but I told him, "Look, I have to be honest with you. I can easily do what you ask, but I just started chemotherapy. It's curable they tell me, but I need one day off every 2 weeks for treatment; they only do treatment on a weekday. I just had my first treatment 2 days ago (true) and I'm right here, fine, and coherent."
My future manager really liked me and agreed, but I wasn't paid top dollar for my position. Who cares; we had 2 incomes and I had something to think about instead of mulling my "doom" in the apartment. They were fantastic to me, but have been out of business for 3 years (through no fault of mine - they were bought out and everyone was laid off or forced to move to Utah).
I had ABVD chemo on Mondays. In retrospect, I should have scheduled for Thursdays or Fridays. I was violently ill on Wednesdays and couldn't properly taste anything until the next Wednesday. Of course, that didn't stop me from eating and my mom said I'm a miracle - the first person to gain weight while on chemo. :-) That bitch. :-)
I got a potocatheter in my chest; if you're going to get Chemo, that's the f*cking Rolls Royce of chemotherapy. Just plug right into the chest.
Chemo ended up being 8 months, but no radiation. I involunterily vomited every time they injected me with saline to "clean the pipes". Told me that the old people didn't notice it, but since I was young, it was bad. I still can't swallow salt water without a little retching.
After 8 months, the PET Scan showed it was clear. Gone. Vanished. I was good to go. Remission. Had cat scans to follow up every 3 months and then 6 months after that. After 5 years, I'll be considered cured.
Regarding the weight thing; I was scared to lose weight for the last 3 years. I realized that I subconsciously related weight loss to having cancer. Saw a therapist and she helped me move on with a little advice. Told me that I was "easy because I'm a self-realized hypocondriac". She's was right. I eventually joined the Dr. Siegel "Cookie Diet" and lost 70 pounds.
On the cancer side, I just had one of my 6-month cat scans and bloodwork. I'm relatively clear; nothing is there, but the radiologist did spot a 2 mm item in on
Well, the United States has tropical island paradises. As for being hard to get a gun, I think just about everywhere on the planet has a firearm you can buy with some cash, since theres about 600 million guns around the world.
Java developer out of work due to the big dot-bomb crash of 2001; had my fiance's insurance. We got married in September, had a honeymoon, Sept 11th happened on the day we were supposed to come back.
I'd been having night sweats for months and had lost a lot of weight for the wedding; wasn't eating much, but thought that fat guys sweat a lot at night, so didn't think much of it.
Lost 60 pounds. Night sweats. Drenched the bed.
After our honeymoon, I started having CHILLS. and Night Sweats. Crazy stuff. Teeth chattering, etc.
I got to the doctors and he said I had Montezuma's Revenge and... something else. Hepatitis? Blood work was coming up weird. He ran more tests then sent me to an oncologist at the "Cancer Center".
"Don't be scared of the name," he told me. "It just says Cancer. Doesn't mean you have cancer."
My oncologist was great. I had a lump under my armpit. She and the surgeon could feel it. I couldn't tell. Married for 2 weeks. No job. Whee, fun.
I had a bone marrow test; no cancer there. Surgery told us it was Hodgkin's Disease. Later to be renamed by Larry David as "The Good Hodgkin's" [ http://tinyurl.com/lpcsz ] He's a crackup.
Stage 3B. It's spread across my chest and into my spleen and liver. Curable, they told me. On the roulette wheel of cancers, you want Hodgkin's. No one in my family had ever had it. A blood aunt had Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. A non-blood aunt also had had NHL.
My mom kept a clean home - they say that many Hodgkin's cases come from clean homes. That bitch. :-)
I was told 6 months of chemo and then radiation treatment. In the meantime, I was frantically looking for a job, but no one was hiring.
Had my first chemo, then 2 days later an interview. Java development. They wanted to hire me, but I told him, "Look, I have to be honest with you. I can easily do what you ask, but I just started chemotherapy. It's curable they tell me, but I need one day off every 2 weeks for treatment; they only do treatment on a weekday. I just had my first treatment 2 days ago (true) and I'm right here, fine, and coherent."
My future manager really liked me and agreed, but I wasn't paid top dollar for my position. Who cares; we had 2 incomes and I had something to think about instead of mulling my "doom" in the apartment. They were fantastic to me, but have been out of business for 3 years (through no fault of mine - they were bought out and everyone was laid off or forced to move to Utah).
I had ABVD chemo on Mondays. In retrospect, I should have scheduled for Thursdays or Fridays. I was violently ill on Wednesdays and couldn't properly taste anything until the next Wednesday. Of course, that didn't stop me from eating and my mom said I'm a miracle - the first person to gain weight while on chemo. :-) That bitch. :-)
I got a portocatheter in my chest; if you're going to get Chemo, that's the f*cking Rolls Royce of chemotherapy. Just plug right into the chest. Chemo ended up being 8 months, but no radiation. I involunterily vomited every time they injected me with saline to "clean the pipes". Told me that the old people didn't notice it, but since I was young, it was bad. I still can't swallow salt water without a little retching.
After 8 months, the PET Scan showed it was clear. Gone. Vanished. I was good to go. Remission. Had cat scans to follow up every 3 months and then 6 months after that. After 5 years, I'll be considered cured.
Regarding the weight thing; I was scared to lose weight for the last 3 years. I realized that I subconsciously related weight loss to having cancer. Saw a therapist and she helped me move on with a little advice. Told me that I was "easy because I'm a self-realized hypocondriac". She's was right. I eventually joined the Dr. Siegel "Cookie Diet" and lost 70 pounds.
On the cancer side,
I've never really understood the "make yourself indispensible" mindset anyway. I've always tried my best to make myself as unnecessary as I can, by making the equipment, the users, etc. as reliable and self-sufficient as possible. Not only does it make my job less stressful in the long run, but it also shows up in others' assessment of my skills, which is where real job security (or at least most of it) comes from. Of course it's never possible to make myself completely dispensible in the real world, and that's where the rest of my job security comes from.
http://alternatives.rzero.com/
The better solution than dealing with the cancer would just be to digitize yourself but that solution isn't feasible quite yet.
CyberSpyder has spoken listen well to the words of the CyberSpyder
I know that to some extent you have to work to keep the symptoms of incurable life in check. Having to eat, having to have shelter, that sort of thing. But I think you should at least be doing something you like. To date I've known 3 guys who came down with cancer while working in the IT industry. They all kept working for as long as they were able to, not because they had to but because they wanted to. I think if I got cancer I'd want to keep working as long as possible as well. Admittedly I don't have much in the way of close family, though.
I'm trying to teach myself to set people on fire with my mind... Is it hot in here?
Okay, not to be crass or anything, but we are ALL going to die sometime. I'm only 38 and I'm already well aware that I'm no spring chicken anymore - college grads see me as the greybeard already. I know I won't live much past 100 even if things go perfectly. I'm over 1/3 done.
In my opinion, we should ALWAYS live our lives as if we will die anyday. Knowing (or thinking) that you have a fixed endpoint doesn't seem that much different.
So it seems to me that we should always handle our job skills (not to mention our MUCH more important family life) as if it ought to stand on its own merits all the time. If you want it passed on, keep it sorted and organized and marked so that anyone else can pick up what you were doing and carry on with it. If it doesn't matter after you die, why are you bothering with it right now?
All that said, this is basically a reality check for ALL of us. What are you doing to cover those you care about? I think this is an excellent article with good thoughts for how to handle the practical aspects of being long-term ill on the job, much more than an article about what happens AFTER you die.
--Brandon / Split Infinity Music
That guy sounds like a jerk, in a time of dire straits when you're battling cancer, considering my responsibilities to business clients would not be top of my priorities. I think he has a few wires crossed.
Gaining weight on chemo! Congratulations. Not I. I am haivng a terrible time with keeping weight up. Glad to hear things are going well for you now! Brings to mind Steve Job's Pancreatic cancer. When I heard that, I thought "Gonner." He happened to have the "Good" pancreatic cancer, and was cured through surgery. There are more and more of us around these days, both cured and managing chronic cancer.
Many, many comments focus on how silly this article is, the posters implying or outright stating that if they had a terminal disease, they would quit everything and go live on a tropical island for the rest of their days, or something like it. I think these posts show a very poor appreciation of death. I am still young, and don't think I have a good appreciation of death either, but my impression is that one of the really crappy things about death is that its not, eg, trumpets playing in the background while the fallen hero captain kirk slowly exits, stage left, after having saved billions of lives one last time. Instead death is telling your spouse where you put the phone bill while you still can, or having to choose whether the funeral is on Friday or Saturday, and deciding whether to have a graveside service with all the rain. Death is not dramatic, it is pedestrian. This article reflects this fact, which probably makes it terrifying, but not "retarded", or any of the other pejorative adjectives I have seen used.
I'm glad to see another survivor that didn't give up work for treatments. I couldn't have, I would have been horrifically depressed if I had. I was in grad school, and I LOVED what I was studying. Quitting would have just added insult to injury for me. Not to mention losing my insurance, which would have been very, very bad. Even with insurance, I'm still negotiating the $20K left on my oncologist's bill. But mainly because I'm not the kind of person who can just sit on their butt all day every day for six months, thinking about how sick I am.
It's actually common these days to gain weight on chemo; most other HD patients I know have. I gained 20 lbs (I hadn't lost any weight beforehand - stage 4A), and am still working my butt off over a year later to lose the last 10. That shit really screwed with my metabolism.
Gotta agree on the port-a-cath. Mine was under the skin, so they still needed a needle, but I couldn't even feel it go in. My first treatment was via IV in my arm - incredibly painful, took 8 hours. With the port, couldn't feel a thing, out of there in under 4 hours. I know some stick out of the skin, but those seem like a pain with having to keep them clean and all. The saline never actually made me vomit, but at my CT scan a couple months ago, when they put in the IV for the dye and ran saline into it, it definitely brought back some old familiar (unpleasant) feelings. Ugh. I didn't get my port taken out for a few months after treatment (just in case), and when I went in to get it flushed with whatever it is they put in to keep it from clotting - THAT nearly made me sick every time.
Warning: Apple/Nintendo fangirl. Likes her electronics cute & cuddly. May be rabid.
I chose to struggle through life by working at home trying to code my way through life. My coworkers are my loving wife, 10 yr daughter and 5yr old son. It has been very hard to get by and sometimes I have to take a "job for the man" but I try to get out asap. I do not care about things I want, I just want the things that I need. If I knew I was to die soon I wouldn't change that much. I moved the family to live at Disney World so I don't have to worry about saving for vacations anymore. We have one car and my TV is only 32inches (so pity me...NOT).
I was the youngest of 6. At that time my dad was going to funerals every other week because his coworkers were in the killing years (40-60). I can't count how many times I was told that "you do not want to get here and look back sorry you did not follow your dream" or some such words. To this day I gag at the smell of funeral parlors, but I took that message to heart. I look back and wish it turned out better, but I do not regret doing it.
... what do you think they would rather have? Memories of you spending your last days with them, or being able to tell their children how you took care of business before you died?
I know, it's a balance that is required, but my wife and I have talked about it and we've decided if either of us gets hit with an illness like that, we'll sell the house, get a houseboat, and spend the remaining days as a family on a worldwide adventure. "irresponsible"? Maybe if you're idea of responsible is to be good little corporate citizen.
But different people have different priorities I guess.
Such bitterness out there! A few notes.... 1. You are all gonna die of something, sometime. 2. If you get advance notice, like a cancer diagnosis, you will have some cleanup to do in your life. This includes both personal and business issues. 3. If you are doing what you love and are good at, especially if you are self employed, then RTFA. It is good advice. 4. If you hate your job, or are just one of many little cogs in the great corporate machine, GO DO SOMETHING ELSE. There are no do-overs, you get one shot to do THIS life right. If you believe in reincarnation, consider how many times you want to relive that horrid job until you finally get a clue! I know this seems either unrealistic or simplistic but there is little comfort in realizing that your entire life was spent doing jobs you hated and working towards "someday" only to discover someday is a terminal diagnosis and early death. 5. Tell people you love them every day. Seems sappy, but you have a better chance of being killed on the highway than having a long final illness. 6. If you do get a chance to tie up loose ends before you die, it will be important to feel a sense of closure and satisfaction with whatever you have spent the majority of your waking hours doing most of your adult life. This includes making sure your clients, patients or employer will be able to continue after you are gone. 7. MOST employers whom I have dealth with on behalf of family members and clients are very supportive and generous when a family memeber or employee is ill. There are a few bastards out there, and you know who they are before you reach this situation. LIFE IS TOO SHORT. Go do something you love.
Wouldn't it be much worse if life were fair and all the terrible things that happen to us, come because we actually dese
That's a very noble point of view...one that I would definitely share should it ever happen to me. However, it's just good business etiquette to make sure your employer is up to date on all of your source, documentation, etc because cancer isn't the only thing that can incapacitate you. Certainly there are more ways to leave this world than I can dream up so I find myself asking, why would you only practice this if you had a terminal disease? Getting hit by a bus comes to mind. People die suddenly every day, people who have jobs, spouses, kids....a future. To everyone who thought that they would follow suit with the original author, try to get over your belief that 'it could never happen to you' and clue in and make sure that you're not indespensible.
I didn't get my port taken out for a few months after treatment (just in case), and when I went in to get it flushed with whatever it is they put in to keep it from clotting - THAT nearly made me sick every time. I had the underskin one; like a bump on my chest. Was always afraid of getting hit in the chest by something. I tasted both the saline and that anti-clot stuff (when they inject, it goes straight to your taste senses). Blech. The iodine/barium from the CAT Scans is sicko too. Berry Fruit Flavored Bariumshake ? More like Metal Ass Flavored Bariumshake. Not that I know what ass tastes like. Oh, this is going to take the thread in the wrong direction. My original point (that I missed) was that I was going to start a blog about my Hodgkin's, but held out because I just didn't have the time or energy to dwell on it (and I had a serious lack of energy). Kudos to the author for keeping it going.
I'd recommend omitting step 4 and letting nature take its course. It's a widely known fact that people who commit suicide become social workers in the afterlife.
Badass Resumes
I kept a blog (my slashdot username at deadjournal, if you're interested - complete with hair-falling-out pics) because my family was so far away and it was an easy way to keep them updated. But yeah, typing is harder than I expected when you're wiped from chemo. Playing video games is much easier. I was also on a hodgkin's yahoo group - if any new cancer patients are reading this, I highly recommend this kind of thing. Online support groups meet whenever you have a question, unlike real-life ones!
Warning: Apple/Nintendo fangirl. Likes her electronics cute & cuddly. May be rabid.
But even if it were selfless (which it isn't, since being dispensable has numerous benefits of its own), would it always be good?
If you sacrifice yourself for the benefit of an evil person, is that really altruism? Or is it just exploitation?
When I read some of these responses, I understand the "me first" sentiment I hear but for those programmers and others that might express such thoughts please consider this.... Is your job just a job? Is the time you spend working only a waste of what would be better spent on leisure? Are you not obsessed with what you do every day in your chosen field? If you are not happy doing with what you do then go ahead and put "me first" and find something to make you happy because you otherwise are wasting your life. I've been doing this technology thing for 25 years and the reason I'm still in it is rooted in my incurable obsession with this silliness. Think....! Life is short, then you die. Be interested in one thing profoundly and in a thousand things well.
The article says that if you have incurable cancer to spend time with your family and maybe use your computer to keep up to date on new cures. Otherwise it seems to be more about convincing your clients that a) you'll still be around and they shouldn't jump ship and b) your code is so clean and commented that they won't lose any of their investment by continuing to use your services even if you dropped dead.
My Hello World is 512 bytes. But it's also a valid Fat12 boot sector, Fat12 file reader, and Pmode routine.
Barium barium barium barium barium barium marion barium barium eggs and barium. :-)
Yeah, ick. I think I'm gonna ralph too. Nah, but my throat is having sympathy pains. Drink that stuff and if you think of metal, it's like a thousand razor blades going own your throat. Make sure to drink your water after the scan, kiddies! Gotta whiz it all out.
And my last bit of wisdom for this: Chemo Patients Always Flush Twice!
Afterlife? If I thought I had to go through another life I'd kill myself right now!
No one cares what your captcha was
Houston TX, USA
As a testicular cancer survivor, I agree with most of the article. I was fortunate enough to have an employer who allowed me a six month leave of absence during my treatment. Thoughout that time, (before blogs) I kept an email correspondence with family, friends and co-workers. I went through two major surgeries and two rounds of intense chemo. That was now three years ago and by following through with the recommended followup diagnostics, I am still "cured". The down-side of this is that I had a great employer and medical plan. The medical bills for my six month treatment came to over $110,000 USD. If I was not on salary and insured, I would have been financially devestated. I was also extremely fortunate that my employer allowed me to come back after six months in the same position and same pay as I had before the leave. I don't think many people have that opportunity. So the jist of my response is, realize that extreme circumstances can happen to you and if/when they do, you will be amazed as to how anyone in your life will resond. (mostly in the postive)
I may be wrong. But the last time I filled out the paperwork to purchase a firearm (in the US), I don't remember "Are you terminally ill?" being among the questions like "Are you a convicted felon?" or "Are you a fugitive from justice?"
Thanks to the internet, we can now all die alone together! -SomeWoman
But what if those 80+ hour weeks are to pay off big time at some later date?
On a related note, anyone interested in buying 14,000+ shares of dvdexpress.com stock?
Have you ever had a potential terminal disease? I dont it. So anyone who has not does not know anything of what they would do. I have had that disease and was told to buy a casket. So luckily they were wrong. Its been 17years and counting since I became in remission. I had hodgekins disease for my 21st birthday. I had to have treatment for 1.5 years, i know usually its 3 months. All you think about is surviving, I could do nothing else but wake up eat , throw up, and sleep.
By the way, chemo for Hodgkin's has really advanced in the past 20 years. I only had to stop working/going to class for a couple weeks during treatment, when my blood counts were really low. Though I did make sure I had nothing scheduled the day or two after chemo, when I was sickest. I know it was much worse back in the MOPP days (which is probably what you had), but ABVD/Stanford V are much less harsh.
Warning: Apple/Nintendo fangirl. Likes her electronics cute & cuddly. May be rabid.
Fu.. my employer, fu.. my coworkers, I'm gonna die, TO HELL with 'em.
Very human attitude. Granted. But it's what you leave behind that defines you as a person. We, as coders, are in a very bad position for that. Whatever we leave behind at work has, at best, a lifespan of a few years. If what we leave behind is "alive" 10 years after we're gone, it's most likely very obsolete code. I mean, think back about 10 years, consider the code you developed back then and ponder how much of said code is still productive.
Hardly any.
Some of us have a family. And if you have one, then yes, fu.. work, spend time with them. That's what you're gonna leave behind.
But from my point of view, I don't have a family. I won't have one. I don't really have that much money to leave some kind of foundation behind. What I have is my knowledge and my experience. Of both, I have lots, I dare say.
So my last plan would be to pass this on.
We used to have a Bill of Rights. Now, with the rights gone, all we have left is the bill.
If you are working on a big project, write helpful comments, and when a major milestone release comes out, write a nice, detailed document which you can call the "Maintainer's Guide," which is the first thing a future developer working on your project will look at to understand the project.
All developers should do this.
Here's my advice for developers who find themselves with a terminal illness:
(1) Stop using a computer, and give all your source code/documents to your closest coworkers.
(2) Sell all your posessions.
(3) Pick a country where global economical differentials and exchange rates make your couple hundred thousand dollars a huge amount of usable capital.
(4) Move there.
(5) Start a business you can do in the sunlight, smelling a nearby ocean breeze, hopefully. Or simply live off the money you saved.
(6) Really, just _don't_ use your computer anymore.
That's my advice.
on the contrary I believe that if you disclosed your illness to a client and supplied the source code for their convenience they more than likely would jump ship, and sooner rather than later.
Should it bother me that I thought of that?
I may twist orthodoxy to partly justify a tyrant. But I can easily make up a German philosophy to justify him entirely.
this must be the stupiest post of the year
I just returned to work after several months on disability leave for cancer treatment. The article makes several good points. But, I'd also add that dropping the C-bomb (the word "cancer") on folks should be strongly avoided. It freaks many folks out and shouldn't be used unless absolutely necessary.
As for the folks that mentioned that family should be first, this article didn't address that point directly, but it should be obviously true to anyone. However, I have many friendships with my coworkers. They deserve honesty and respect when dealing with obvious personal issues such as health. Who are you kidding anyway; work is a large percentage of your life. So don't downplay the impact of your coworkers in your life.
I chose to make my illness public (anyone who had observed me for any length of time would have concluded something seriously was wrong with my health anyway). The result was an amazing amount of support from my coworkers including many coworkers helping my family by bring by dinner and occasionally taking me to doctor appointments. These were small things to them, but made a big impact on me and my family.
So far everything has gone well. I'm coming up on my 1st year anniversary of being diagnosed and am healthy again. I've been back to work for a few months. I was treated with kid gloves for awhile, but folks are getting used to me being back again. So now it's back to the grindstone...
I think drinking green tea while you code is the best advice.
/greentearant
Google it, there's a lot of studies showing anti-cancer effects.
After surgery to remove the primary tumor, I was faced with chemotherapy and a 50% chance of dying within two years. My first reaction was like many of yours: give up work and move home to be close to family and friends. Or, pack up and travel the world with my remaining days.
But then I realized that giving up work and moving home would be depressing. I'd just be a cancer victim sitting around, waiting to die. It's hard to have any more good times in such a grim situation.
And traveling the world wouldn't be much fun either. One of the problems when you're sick with cancer is that you don't feel good. It's not like the doctor says "you have two weeks to live" after which you feel fine for two weeks and then pass away in your sleep. No, when the end is that close it's a struggle just to stay comfortable and enjoy things like food and warmth. So traveling the world would mean feeling crappy in a foreign land surrounded by strangers.
So I decided that I liked where I was in my life and would keep doing what I liked doing. That meant continuing to work, continuing to meet new people, continuing to learn things and watch movies and play games. That meant trying to be a person plus cancer, rather than a person destroyed by cancer. Sure, my perspective changed. I straightened out my personal relationships and felt freer to express my own quirky personality.
Continuing with normal things helped me to survive chemotherapy and more surgeries. And with the help of a great employer and coworkers I continued to be productive -- a little bit on bad days and a lot on good days -- and feel good about myself. The benefit of working with computers was that I could be productive from home and the computer would wait patiently when I was hit with a bout of nausea or fatigue.
These days I'm feeling fine but I know that any day the cancer could rear its ugly head again. My motto is to go on with life as if you have two years to live. Don't panic and drop everything and curl up on the couch. But remember that you don't have forever to do the things you want to do.
AlpineR
$40!! $60!!! $100!!!!! Where the hell am I going to get that kind of money?!! I'm an open source programmer! I have no money!
I have cancer.
My cancer is currently in remission. That means there's not enough of it to show up on a test.
How much is there? Is it gone? How long will I live?
If your Oncologist is honest you will be told that there is no way of knowing.
There is no way of knowing because the probability of a relapse NEVER FALLS TO ZERO.
In fact, once you've develped a measurable amount of one type of cancer, the odds of developing a completely different type are now higher.
And that's not because of having rad or chemo -- all though having rad or chemo will further increase the odds.
The basic working assumption is that all human will have cells that mutate into 'cancerous' forms. Some people will supress or eliminate those 'cancer cells' and some won't.
Cancer appears to be a basic part of life. Animals get cancer, hell even plants get cancer.
"When asked what he would do if he only had six months to live: Type faster.". Isaac Asimov
A lot of you are saying 'forget the job, spend all your remaining time with your families.' Do so many of you just work for the money? In my experience, nerds tend to seek out jobs they find interesting and compelling, so that it matters to them whether or not their work gets finished. I see absolutely nothing wrong with going to work until the day you die, if it is important to you. Of course, don't neglect your family (if you have one) but don't just burn all your colleagues (if you have them) either. Honestly, if you could just dump your career tomorrow to go to hang out with your family, maybe it means you have a great family, but more likely it means you should find a new job. If you're a nerd, you're smart, you'll figure it out.
If you get hit by a bus...
If you wouldn't want to show up at work, at least for a little while, during the last day you happen to live, why would you plan to get up in the morning and go there tomorrow, and the next day and the next, unless tomorrow's workday is just a temporary stepping stone to something you'd rather be doing, and which you can realistically transition to in the forseeable future?
It's all a matter of perspective.
Life does not consist of what you might have a chance to say in those last moments, days, or weeks. That isn't what they'll remember about you. What's important is what you actually do every day, how you grow as a human being and how you influence and help others in a positive way.
After all, you never know when you'll get hit by a bus. Or a car. Which isn't fun, but is a rather sobering experience...
it's a blue bright blue Saturday hey hey
I hear that morphine is also good for step (4), also pure grade heroin.
Tell the boss, yeah, ill sleep between 00:00-08:00 and count that on my time sheet JACK-ASS
And make sure to copy all the source code onto that 40gig IPOD before leaving too, and leave a few
real real bad bugs before resigning.
Liberty freedom are no1, not dicks in suits.
People do the right thing more often than you think. Of 4 major clients, one seems to have stepped away, the others are waiting for my recovery.
Some of his stuff is ok, some of it is just plain wrong.
Just for the list. I was diagnosed with Malignant Large Cell Lymphomia, medium to high grade, stage IV. By the time of diagnosis, I was already in the hopsital, and had thrown temperatures of 103.9, along with other fun symptoms, like losing 60 pounds in 60 days.
There was no way of shielding it from my employer, I went out on disability for 6 months. While I was out, word filtered around the company (consulting firm) that I was already DEAD.
I reached 10 years clear last year, and the Onocologist threw me out of his office, telling me never to come back again (With a big ole smile on his face!).
In the meantime, I have prevailed in an ADA suit against my former employer (they settled out of court) as they let me go just after I came back. For a while I did not tell employers, at least not right away. Now it doesn't matter anymore.
As for the "tips" on coding, well, I always coded that way.
Where I am now, I could get hit by a bus. The other people in my group would have to work harder to pick up the slack, but they know where everything is.
If you get a serious illness, you may cause the company's insurance premiums to go up. The additional costs add up so companies try to keep "Unhealthy" people off the roles. Further, some companies are "Self-insured" and probably have under-the-table access to your medical records, anyway. Is business in the business of firing sick workers? See this article on lobbying efforts to change the law in the US.
I18N == Intergalacticization
Man!
The comments here are ridiculous. As terminal cancer patient, formerly self-employed as a consultant, most of what I read in the article rang true with me.
Then I made the mistake of reading the comments written by immature opinionated fools here. If nothing else, it shows what a selfish immoral tendency there is on Slashdot, when viewed collectively. "Screw everyone, I'm just out for myself." Is that supposed to be my attitude? (I'm alone in life here.) No thanks.
Cancer is many things, most of them not good, but it does give one an opportunity to assess what is and is not of true value. Self-respect is not something I'd discard as readily as those spewing recommendations here would suggest.
Doing well to others (and yes even including strangers) is something I would recommend to any with a terminal illness. It's certainly of greater reward than the stupid selfishness advocated in the comments here.
A lot of posts, yours included, seem to have this mythical concept that you can simply drop everything and gather your family to your side for all your remaining days. Well, guess what? You can't. Why? Because they have lives too. Your kids can't drop oiut of school, your wife is going to need to keep up with her job (she'll be the family's only source of income after you die) Hell, maybe your ass needs to put in a little more work to pay off those bills that the insurance doesn't cover. If you think they're all going to be covered, you must not have any familiarity with the system. You let them prepare for their future even as you prepare for your lack thereof. You do these things because you love your family, and in the little time you have left you need to make sure they are in the best position possible. I'm glad that the people in my own family who have died were never as selfish as you.
to tell you the truth, I was planning to give you a somewhat more civil response, but having seen how you've treated porcupine when she shared her, much more realistic, way of dealing with her cancer, I've come to the conclusion that you really don't deserve any respect. You seem put out that she made the mature decision to plan for her 80% chance of life as opposed to her 20% chance of death. Well, since she's alive and posting to /., it seems to me she made the right choice. I'm sorry for whoever must have died and left you with these angry feelings, but you need to get over them.
Why should you view the warning that you potentially have 30 or 40 years left any differently than the warning that you have 3 months left?
Exactly... why not party every day, drink lots, eat fatty foods, and spend cash like there's no tomorrow?
Oh, wait, maybe it's because there will be a tomorrow, and perhaps the whole long-term planning aspect of things might be a little important.
Perhaps you've always wanted to vacation in Hawaii... but then you've got the choice between paying your current mortgage or taking the trip. Well, if you're expecting to live another 30-40 years, you've got plenty of time to hit Hawaii and in the short-term... get those bills settled. On the other hand, if you've only got 30-40 days, then chances are you're not going to see much of those sunny skies and coconut drinks unless you make some chances to the plan - perhaps like selling the house and spending your last while happy.
There are other considerations, of course. You can't very well sell the house and uproot if you've got a wife and kids (at least not in most situations), but there are still a lot of lifestyle adjustments to make.
There's something to be said for enjoying the more immediate moments in life, but it's a balance with long-term planning/saving as well. When your longest term is suddenly shortened to about 5% of what you expected, plans must adjust themselves accordingly.
Personally, depending on how long I might have (assuming I was given forenotice of a shortened lifespan), I'd probably work for awhile yet, but dump that intended-for-mortgage cash into heading someplace a little happier for my last bit of sunny enjoyment, before returning home to have my final rest.
My mom was diagnosed with hodgkin's lymphoma when she was about 27 [~1982]. [I was born two years earlier]. I think it all started with a strange lump on her neck...
She was treated with chemothearpy and things seemed okay. Two years later, it came back. This time, she was treated with chemothearpy + radiation (using a bone-marrow transplant on her own marrow).
Things were fine for about 10 years. The only lasting effects of her treatment were reduced energy [she got tired very easily]. Otherwise she led a normal life and got to see me grow up.
When the 10 years passed, she suddenly became very weak. My understanding is the bone marrow went kaput and stopped producing good blood cells. She went in for a bone-marrow transplant (her brother's), which required more chemothearpy --she died a few weeks later. She was barely 41 years old, had good eating habits, did not smoke nor drink, exercised, and maintained good body weight her whole life, and had regular check-ups [for the cancer].
Both the 2nd & 3rd treatments were performed at Stanford -- which was/is supposed to be on the leading edge for this kind of stuff.
It sound like your treatment went well and you are back on your feet. I sincerely hope so. I believe methods for hodgkins' treatment have progressed considerably in the past 20 years.
Regardless, life (or death) has ways of surprising us, throwing curves when we least expect them.
After all, for my mom living 10 years without cancer and being in good health, one might has though she would have almost certainly seen me graduate from high school. But that didn't happen. She died during my Junior year.
The improbable does happen. And when it does, it has life-changing consequences for more than just one's self.
Hopefully for you it won't come back. But would you plan your life differently knowing that it would in 10-15 years? You may not find out until it's too late to do things differently.
I don't know, but even if I don't have some disease I always make sure my clients have all the code they should. Anyone who doesn't do that isn't doing their job, duh. And I always make my stuff understandable by the staff that will be working with it in the future. Who doesn't? I mean, I don't want to be debugging their crap two years from now. I want to move on to new projects and not babysitting the other code monkeys.
Also, I know this sounds harsh but I hope this guy doesn't have any kids. I mean damn dude, to pass on those crappy genes should be criminal.
If all goes as planned, I'm planning on starting to have kids in about 4-5 years. One of my biggest fears is the maybe 1% chance of getting leukemia in 5-10 years, due to radiation. The idea of dealing with the treatment while having small children is bad enough, but I certainly don't want to leave my husband raising them alone, barely remembering their mother.
So what do you think I should do? Do you think I should put off having kids for an extra 5 years or so, until the threat of leukemia has mostly passed? Or maybe have them now, whether or not we're ready for it financially and career-wise, so that if anything happens at least they'll be older by then?
Are you starting to see how silly it is to plan one's life around the small possibility of illness? I am far more likely than most of the population to get leukemia, but it is still only a remote possibility. Most people would think it crazy to change my life plans, especially something as major as when I have kids, based on this tiny 1% chance.
Personally, I am still planning to start having kids in 4-5 years. Yes, there is a tiny chance that something bad will happen. But there's a 99% chance that it won't, and that having the kids sooner or later would be a worse idea. If something bad does happen (whether it's leukemia or something totally unrelated to my cancer that no one could have foreseen), I'll deal with it then.
Warning: Apple/Nintendo fangirl. Likes her electronics cute & cuddly. May be rabid.