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Gallery of the Lamest Technology Mascots Ever
Wired has a gallery of their Lamest Technology Mascots which features some trollish links including Tux and a certain adorable devil. Also featured is the old Java mascot Duke which I always liked, and of course Clippy who these days pretty much exists only in cheesy Top X lists.
No seriously Tux rocks :) *tossing some herring*
...cannot be taken seriously. Come on, this thing was the unofficial symbol of the entire dot-com boom era, which subsequently made him the unofficial symbol of the dot-com bust. Not only that, but he was LAME. A *sock puppet* as a company mascot?!?!? Unless the "technology" you're promoting is a time machine to go back to 1970 and bring back Shari Lewis, you really should be considering a better mascot.
SJW: Someone who has run out of real oppression, and has to fake it.
the only mascot i can think of that isnt on this list is Konqi.
and tux is not lame. them's fightin words.
I would love to add this gallery to my "Gallery of Lamest Galleries Ever", but it stack overflowed when someone submitted it to itself.
biopowered.co.uk - catalytically cracking triglycerides for home automotive use since 2008. Just say no to big oil!
The fact that I even remember these, even the ones whos apps I don't use, means these are good.
Ok, some of them suck.
But don't fuck with Larry the Cow. Seriously.
Why isn't he on the list?
no gpl-code theiving blowfish?
So I clicked through the whole list, and #11 is a car ad for me. Summary should read top 14 lame-o mascots. Though if they included the standard alternates to Clippy (I have no idea what the planet, cat, and dog are named) they could bump the list up a bit.
At any rate, I thought I'd point out that ; winner gets a Wii.
"Trolls they were, but filled with the evil will of their master: a fell race..." -- J.R.R. Tolkien on Olog-hai
...and on his hands and knees
I always thought this guy was one of the scarier technology mascots out there.
Wait, you mean that's not a guy in a rubber suit?
I'm not a BSD user because in my mind, the connection to BSoD (Blue Screen of Death) is too close. The devil icon doesn't help the death image even if the devil isn't blue. Is that a horrible reason not to use BSD or what?
http://www.flickr.com/photo_zoom.gne?id=121338473& context=photostream&size=l
;)
a photo taken at a sun java party in santa clara. (papa java can be seen in the photo, too)
duke is REAL
--
"It is now safe to switch off your computer."
How can any Top 10 Worst list not include Microsoft BOB? Sacrilege!
I have noticed that BOB has made a reappearance in Microsoft Office Communicator as a "smiley", just as Rover from the Microsoft BOB suite reappeared in Windows XP's Search.
Just let BOB die, please!
Finally a use for my knowledge of useless Japanese image boards!
:P ). Be warned it is NOT work safe and you can see ANYTHING (from dead babies to hentai and a mix of both together). Unless you have a .jp IP or are using a proxy you may not post on the site, this is because when people have been given access people have abused it (4chan /b/ users spam the board with racism and such if they find a proxy), so you can just view not take part to those outside Japan.
Number 10 is the OS-Tans which spawned from 2ch (and Futaba, the image board connected to the forms known as 2channel, or 2ch for short). Each edition of windows has a linked character (I haven't seen Vista though) which links to the OS's "quirks". For example XP is a very smart girl who takes care of the rest (a well rounded OS basicly) where as ME is a complete idiot known for weilding leaks and doing the dumbest things she can. The OS-tans became so popular (even to the point of a magazine in Japan stealing their designs and using them without the original authors permission and hence being boycotted by many 2ch users) that other software started to get their own characters.
These range from Norton (who is a perverted old doctor) to the Mac girl (who likes to blow things up). As time goes by these girls all seem to remain popular and have become a solid part of the Japanese image board culture. It's very rarely to check the Futaba art boards (Oekaki and self made) without seeing at least once OS-tan pop up some where.
The author doesn't seem to have much of a clue about the girls and their characters, it's just shooting in the dark at "mascots" when the original author has suggested no such thing. Infact the original character designs are pretty much as open source as you can be with character designs, you can do what you like with them as long as you don't make a profit and don't try to claim you made them/not give credit to the mass community).
People looking for the OS-tans can try Futaba at http://www.2chan.net/ , you are most likely to see them on the random boards, the main 2 of which are on the third row 2 down ( and
I like muppets.
Clarus is one of the longest lasting computer mascots. I just can't believe anyone hates on Clarus' pixelated goodness. Besides, Clarus had a company named after him, not the other way around.
...mascots for tech is just not appropriate or necessary.
Strangely compelling indeed. But they didn't have a "cool" mascot list this issue so they put them in the "lame" mascot list... What the fuck is Wired, PC Gamer now?
Click here for more OS-TAN goodness (SFW)
Original Japanese site (some links inside NSFW)
THIS THING CAN TURN ON A DIME, MACROSSZERO STYLE ALSO FUCK BETA, ~NYORON
Lame? Dogcow was proof to the 14-year-old-me that Apple was the coolest software company out there.
It doesn't scale well down to an icon, and it just looks like a piece of clipart. Clippy is probably the most obvious choice (although I'm disappointed there was never a Clippy breakfast cereal with marshmallow paperclips).
Tux is awesome! He just sits there looking like he just had sex and a joint. Rock on Tux!
-Bry
No folly is more costly than the folly of intolerant idealism. - Winston Churchill
After using linux on my desktop and getting minimal support for my non big guy video card (kyroII) and a few other issues that 2 months of my best searching, poking, installing, uninstalling, untarring, posting, and breaking couldn't fix a few years back, I came to realize WHY linux's mascot was a penguin -
And this is sure to get me modded down for flaming, trolling, etc, but its a joke...
Either installing and configuring linux was like an expedition to a cold, stark, barren wasteland, or using it was like living there...
One little aside, my little adventure with linux 5-6 years ago taught me that in order to use a non mainstream OS, you needed to use mainstream hardware... Odd, eh?
Or at least code drivers yourself.
Is it sad that I am more likely to recognize you and your posts by your sig than your name or UID?
It's clippit, not clippy.
GRRRR
He then said, "Hey doc, hoes abut more pain killers!"
it is a daemon!
No GNU Goat? I'm most certain this will get modding troll or w/e, but I love the free movement and always thought that goat was ill-conceived....
"All great things are simple & expressed in a single word: freedom, justice, honor, duty, mercy, hope." --Churchill
wtf is that damn annoying lame Windows XP search dog.
I'm pretty sure there are more than 16 technology mascots (these 15 plus the BSD devil), and I can't imagine those are all much better than Tux, Duke, Glenda or Mozilla.
As the article summary pointed out, many of these are actually pretty good.... so I guess I'll put that article in my gallery of lame articles about lame stuff.
I thought the name Duke is pretty good for a mascot, but it would suit a Scottish Terrier better than the current blob. The blob is instantly recognizable though. From now on I will always consider the Duke blob a cute terrier in a blob costume.
Hey buddy! How about that lovable purple gorilla from Bonzai Software?
I'm getting a Glenda tattoo later in the year, oh no, now Wired thinks she's lame!
There are places where the networks are not touching,and there are places where they are-Boeing's Lori Gunter
Really... that Adobe jester is horrible. Impressive, but repulsive. Another "what were they thinking?" moment.
Gamingmuseum.com: Give your 3D accelerator a rest.
Where's the flying toasters? I remember the first time I saw them. I was 12 and I still thought it was lame.
as the subject says
We're doing the lamest mascots today. Come again when we're doing the most-annoying-worth-dropping-a-plane-on list.
We used to have a Bill of Rights. Now, with the rights gone, all we have left is the bill.
I just want to point out that Renee French, the cartoonist responsible for Glenda the Plan 9 bunny, is a goddess.
http://alternatives.rzero.com/
You may enjoy the list of mascots at Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_mascots
Paid Q&A/Research
As noted by my url :)
But to discuss this article, it's nice to see that WIred I first read all those years ago is dead now. To call Clarus or Tux or Hexley or Mozilla "lame", considering what they mean - the history and creativity behind the characters - is completely non-geek, non-tech... tired, as they would say.
Come to the University of Mars! Classes starting soon!
I always thought Duke resembled an Ouija planchette.
If the way T. rex is positioned wasn't so freakishishly wrong. I suppose the human-like posture makes sense for the "Godzilla"-like theme, but it's archaic. It's early 20th century. Nobody thinks T. rex walked like that with its tail dragging on the ground and a humaniform body.
...which is that all computing mascots suck. The whole concept sucks. Unless the target audience of your software is young children, cutesy mascots are just stupid and annoying. A decent logo is useful for branding and recognition of your software, that's fine. But some stupid character to try and create some bizzare link in people's heads between your office software/OS/web browser and some "loveable" creature strikes me as incredibly pointless and just a little bit desperate.
"Sure, on the outside we're a multi-national billion-dollar corporation but, as this green koala clearly shows, on the inside we live in a playful world of whimsy with chocolate hills and marshmallow clouds."
Give me a break
Spelling mistakes, grammatical errors, and stupid comments are intentional.
Aren't these snot-nose posters just hilarious?
I cannot believe "KickTam" didn't make the list. He/she was so lame, Apple dropped by it after a very short time.
Chris Adamson mentions him at the end of this article and links to this Apple dev page for a picture.
The name "KickTam" came from a developer's young child who couldn't say "QuickTime" properly.
While these other mascots may score between 3 and 7 on the lameness meter, KickTam was an 11.
I'd rather have someone respond than be modded up.
The guy had to include a few of the closed source mascots. Otherwise, I am sure that konqi would be there. Personally, I like all of the OSS mascots. I think that the author simply has it in for the OSS world as a whole. After all, I would kill off the MS flag. Now that is LAME.
I prefer the "u" in honour as it seems to be missing these days.
Tux may be lame but he cannot match the lameness of the Linux Fox.
-- Ed Avis ed@membled.com
I am kind of dissapointed to not see any of the 20 some odd Microsoft Bob charatcers with maybe the exception of Clippy
WD
*sniff*... I loved the Pets.com mascot. How could you not like this face??
Unfortunately, what Wikipedia doesn't cover is why pets.com ultimately failed. The sock puppet, like many celebrities, turned to hard narcotics after he lost his high of the .com era. This, combined with a heavy spat with Triumph the Wonder Dog, pulled the plug on his career. The puppet got so down and out that he almost sold his Timex collar, just for one last hit (either of the narcotics, or on Triumph's head). Luckily, he discovered the Hakan and Associates rehab center, whom made a vain attempt to rescue his career. Not much detail is provided about his 12-step sponsor, 1-800-BAR-NONE or their brief collaboration on car commercials. The Pets.com mascot dropped off of the public radar soon after those commercials.
I heard from a friend that he's studying Buddhism under the Dalai Lama in Tibet in Exile. Apparently, His Holiness Tenzin Gyatso is training the Pets.com puppet to become a Lama who will wander the hills of Tibet looking for the yang srid. It is suggested that, due to resemblance of the Pets.com mascot to a childs toy, the 15th Lama may recognize the roaming monk as a good friend. Time will tell on that one though.
The fact that Becker gets tux wrong says a lot. Back in the mid 90's, we were looking at sharks and other fearsome creatures, when it was Tove (his wife) who suggested the penguin. It was because her then husband had been bit on the nose by a penguin at a petting zoo. Linus really was not wild about it, but the idea carried through. Personally, I like Tux.
I prefer the "u" in honour as it seems to be missing these days.
When in doubt "Go with the centipede -- he's a tenured professor of religion!"
"It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education." -Albert Einstein
Perhaps, but he makes one addictive game.
4chan did nothing to earn the futaba ban. 4chan was down at the time. Americans were banned from futaba because SomethingAwful tried to attack it. When their crap-flooding attempts ended in miserable failure they switched to DDOS attacks. LowTax initially encouraged the crapflood but didn't endorse the DDOS and it was stopped. The Japanese then banned all US IPs they could. Most other parts of the world could post as of 2006, only American IPs were banned. The ban has since been expanded to all non-Japanese IPs due to Americans (Usually 4chan, since SA no longer gives a shit) finding proxies.
Um... the Intel Bunny didn't make the list? Pfft.
CmdrTaco said: ...and of course Clippy who these days pretty much exists only in cheesy Top X lists.
Sadly, I still see Clippy every day on the monitor of a couple of the secretaries in my workplace.
The reason the FOSS mascots are silly is they were all made by nerds, and they're not trying to sell a product, so you don't have to be able to take it seriously.
Tux is adorable! why is it in there?
On the other hand, when I saw clippy, I felt my skin crawling back and forth...
What about the Happy MAC startup icon/mascot? http://www.apple.com/downloads/dashboard/justforfu n/happymacandfriends.html
or the accompanying 'sad mac' (system error) mascot/icon? http://www.answers.com/topic/sad-mac-png
What, no PostgreSQL elephant/mammoth? Not lame enough, perhaps, since the meme of "elephants never forget" for a database seems to make sense.
ON DELETE CASCADE
Clarus is a GIRL!!!! She is a DogCow. According to her technical note (Tech Note 31), there are no dog bulls because there are already bull dogs and God doens't like naming problems. So all dog cows (of which Clarus is the only known specimen) are female.
Avoid Missing Ball for High Score
Purple Octopus named Gooey. Seriously.
http://www.plainblack.com/mascot
Agent K: A *person* is smart. People are dumb, stupid, panicky animals, and you know it.
So Geeko was banished to OpenSuSE.org, to make way for the new Mono-ized Clippy from their new pals in Redmond. Netcraft confirms it.
Apparently feeling pressured by Tux, supporters of Darwin, an open-source version of the Mac OS, decided they needed their own mascot. The result is Hexley, a curious platypus who in some images is portrayed with horns and a pitchfork -- enough evidence for several intelligent design theorists to offer him as proof of the satanic origins of evolutionary biology. I find this rather a sad entry in their list. They obviously didn't research where he came from at all. Hexley is obviously, to anyone who is familiar with BSD, an attempt to preserve the idea of their mascot (the lovable daemon "Beastie") while referencing Darwin. And as such it is merely a continuation of the BSD heritage and has nothing to do with that penguin at all.
Any artists care to conceptualize CowboyNeal?
I imagine him as an Wild-West cowboy decorated with slashes and dots a la Creative Suite 3's joker-with-playing-cards mascots.
Maybe throw in a Neil Armstrong reference.
Knowledge is how to play a game, intelligence is how to win, wisdom is knowing what game to play.
Does this mean I can not get his cheeky responce when I ask 'Is Jeeves is gay?'
I didn't expect to see this logo, since it's not too popular. But lame it is.
http://weblogs.java.net/blog/danese/archive/224252 17_91f9b5af34.jpg
This gallery was hyper-lame. It's like they took the only mascots they could even think of, and said, "Oh ha ha, look it's a dog/bird/cat! So lame!" There was zero wit and zero entertainment value. I feel less funny having read it.
Seriously, this was lamer than a fart at a funeral.
How about Blinky, the Openoffice lightbulb?
...than fetishizing operating systems with cute or sexy girls.
The OS-tan thing is just a bit of otaku-dom that I have just never been able to understand.
If it's for-profit but free, you're not the customer -- you're the product (e.g., the Slashdot Beta's "audience").
What is he, some kind of anthropomorphic Ouija Board pointer? I remember wondering that when I first saw the Java AWT demos.
There's nothing like a blazing fast sloth.
Hey, this was a great operating system for its day, and you should all know something about it. Take a look at Melinda Varian's excellent paper (PDF warning) on the history of the great operating system. Twenty years ago, I was running VM systems that ran 20 to 40 mainframe guest operating systems, long before VMware and Xen. VM still has the best implementation of Unix pipes I've ever seen.
I still miss VM and the v/Bear, though I have one on my car's keyfob...
A clever person solves a problem, A wise person avoids it. -Einstein
The Amiga had an anthropomorphic squirrel as an unofficial but pervasive mascot.
Seriously, is it the mascot design itself that is hated, or the fact that it was the manifestation of an overly-intrusive and unhelpful software feature?
If you really wanted that sort of help from Word, the Clippy design is fine. Dare I say it was even kind of cool for the time. Well, maybe not. Anyway, the problem was, obviously, that most people don't want it in their face and MS turning it on by default will annoy most people that don't fire up Word for family entertainment.
If the article title was Mascots for the Lamest Demonstrations of User Interface Ineptness then it would rightly win first place. But for simple design of the character there are worse.
Gallery of Vista-tan
There are two competing designs for her, but the screw-in-head exotic girl seems to have won.
THIS THING CAN TURN ON A DIME, MACROSSZERO STYLE ALSO FUCK BETA, ~NYORON
The good people of iiitran have been translating them as fast as they can for some time now. Take a current event (pick a headline from it.slashdot.org), mix with a 4-koma format, shake, enjoy.
:-/
And I wouldn't call it fetishism. I mean... take XP Home. She's been reinvented into a lecherous, track-suit wearing, yaoi-fanficion writing spinster who can't help but corrupt her younger brother.
That's not fetisihm, that's characterization (lol)
THIS THING CAN TURN ON A DIME, MACROSSZERO STYLE ALSO FUCK BETA, ~NYORON
What? No Digital Doofus?
XKCD:Xeric Knowledge Comically Dispen
Adding "moe" traits is not adding character, in my opinion, but just further adding fetishism.
- Lecherous... check. "Moe" fans like either pure maidens or total sex fiends (especially those who aren't getting any like them).
- Specific clothes item common in otaku-centric shows... check. Work-out clothes are a common fetish.
- Creepy fanfic writing showing otaku-like traits herself... check. Helps a fan relate to the character.
- Strange, sexualized relationship with family members... check. Treating siblings as outlets of sexual desires is a common, disturbing fetish.
These are all pretty otaku-oriented character traits meant to put the character into a specific niche of fan appeal. The OS-tan movement just creeps me out often because it exposes the lack of originality and the slavish devotion to "moe" in the otaku community as shown in otaku-targetted shows like "Strike Witches." I just like watching anime, but some people take things WAY too far. The OS-tan thing just sort of puts that in my face everytime I encounter it, so that's probably why I just don't like them at all.
If it's for-profit but free, you're not the customer -- you're the product (e.g., the Slashdot Beta's "audience").
That was Dwarwin's mascot, not BSD's mascot Beastie.. There is a subtle difference.
---- Booth was a patriot ----
Geeko is missing too. Great mascot, daft name.
"The dew has clearly fallen with a particularly sickening thud this morning"
Sir John about the logo change:
... about being environmentally creative and green ... about being progressive - looking always for improvement and positive change ... and about a constant drive for performance. Replacing the Shield was not an easy decision. We see the opportunity to represent the company in a compelling, modern way as part of good business in a fast changing world."
i d=17&case=BP%202000
"For us the fundamental values of the company are about innovation and creativity
http://www.corporatebrandmatrix.com/cases.asp?ca_
CAPTCHA: "modern"
I have to think hard to come up with other mascots.
I'm happy Puffy, the OpenBSD mascot isn't on the list.
Please don't ban me,neal.
Have you ever been to a turkish prison?
Coming up next, we have the Top Ten List of the Lamest Top Ten lists! Please stay tuned!
There is no -1 Disagree mod. Slashdot.org/faq defines mod options. USE IT.
Further note: Make sure you have at least "moderate filtering" selected for your Google search for "OS-tans" otherwise some definitely not safe for work images will show up.
Ok, fine. I know you can take Darwin and put Gnome on top of it and have a free operating system, but Darwin isn't "an open-source version of the Mac OS" like the article claims, it is the kernel that MacOS X is running.
Damn people confusing kernels for operating system... this is the stuff of flamewars, y'know.
Does Bonzi Buddy count as a mascot?
Although not quite as notorious as Clippy (but probably close) I think this one definitely ranked higher on the "annoying" chart
Holy mackeral. That is the Great-Great-Grandmother of All Lameness.
Advice: on VPS providers
I don't know why they put "lamest" in the title - most of the "verdicts" are actually positive. For example, Darwin's Hexley is described as "weird but lovable".
Might be the editor-on-crack syndrome.
USE HOT GRITS WITH STATUE OF NATALIE PORTMAN (NAKED AND PETRIFIED)
Penguins eat herring, not mackerel. (At least according to Linus.) The artist has a whole furry image gallery.
-- Ed Avis ed@membled.com
some of these are crazy...but i still think that space helmeted cuddly things are just irresistible as mascots.
and is mozilla really that bad?
Yep... I'd like to come out of the closet as a Linux user who doesn't like Tux at all.
What annoys me is that I've never able to satisfactorily put my finger on exactly why I don't like it. Could it be:-
1) Same pose, same expression. Never changes.
2) Glassy-eyed vacant look.
3) Use in certain contexts where it appears unprofessional?
4) Too plasticky? Looks somewhat soulless, like a toy.
5) Childish, but not really "cute".
6) "looks fat, bored, lazy and apathetic and / or immensely stupid" (see parent poster)... that's actually not a bad guess.
Thing is... I like real penguins, and yet this anthropomorphic (or is it?) mascot leaves me cold to the point of active dislike. I don't like this version either; it's just too silly. Basically, I just don't like Tux; although I use Linux, I prefer the BSD Devil mascot. It's far from my favourite cartoon character, but it seem to has some "animation" or "life" to it. Tux doesn't really seem to project any personality; he looks like he's meant to, but it just doesn't come off.
"Slashdot - News and Chat Sites Deviant". (Click "homepage" link above for details).
The reason for having cheesy mascots is so that programmers have an excuse to keep toys and stuffed animals on their desks.
Isn't enough that I ruined a pony, making a gift for you?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bibendum
CAPTCHA: "accident"
merde!
I remember going to FreeBSD channel and getting laughed at back in day...
:)
I was being complete GNU Nerd those times and my daily browsing included FreeBSD. Whoever overlooked my monitor wanted to buy FreeBSD symbol's toy! I tried so hard to explain that is is logo of the OS running Yahoo.com (always works).
I had this genius idea that time. Make FreeBSD mascots available for sale and use the money to fund project.
Same thing happens on Adium (OS X chat app) site now and they didn't listen when I suggested. Look at that Duck
http://www.adiumx.com/images/logo.png
Change preferences --> without animated character --> change preferences --> change files and folders search behavior --> advanced --> ok
Works equally well here.
"If it's Wired...it's tired"
Or maybe
"An article in Wired! No IQ required!"
Face it, Wired's milked their fifteen quarters of fame far beyond any further relevance. They're like a post-Modern Scientific American, except they never really had any serious geek cred to begin with.
Bring back Omni, and let Wired die...
Just junk food for thought...
It's good to know that the guys behind "The Lame List" (or, "What's Weak This Week") are still at it...
---GEC
I'm but the humble pupil, seeking to snatch the scratchbuilt pebble from the master's fully articulated hand
Ah yes, Al Mackey. One of the famous Mackey brothers from the old Amiga community. I remember Ed Mackey wrote some great software back in the day, whereas Al was the artistic one.. And an incorrigible furry. Well, at least he's not an erotic furry, which puts him a step or two further up the geek ladder. (One step down is erotic furries, one further step would be like erotic furry star trek fans, who draw captain kirk as an ocelot or something stupid like that.)
Hmm. You know, it's funny. Out of four amiga artists I can think of off the top of my head, three are furries, and the fourth is a polyandrist. Maybe that's why timedoctor.org declared AmigaOS to be the #2 OS for creepy old men.* LOL.
* http://timedoctor.org/index.php?id=2352 -- Linux got #1, naturally.
"trollish links including Tux and a certain adorable devil"
How is pointing out what a crappy mascot tux is trolling? And there is no adorable devil in the list retard, are you blind?
Ratpoison is a simple Window Manager with no fat library dependencies, no fancy graphics, no window decorations, and no rodent dependence.
No time was wasted drawing it's mascot!Hehe... I had forgotten what you were referring to... here's the Geek Hierarchy.
-- Ed Avis ed@membled.com