Slashdot Mirror
'Til Tech Do Us Part
WSJdpatton writes "Marriage often requires coping with the loss of some individuality, whether it's adopting a spouse's last name or setting up a joint bank account. Now, some couples say it can be equally tricky to navigate intimacy in the digital sides of their lives. They are running into thorny questions regarding how much to share and how much to keep separate in areas ranging from email addresses to online calendars.
For some young newlyweds, this means a debate over whether to combine their blogs. Longtime spouses, meanwhile, say perennial arguments about who has more closet space are now joined by bickering over which TV shows get deleted to make room on the TiVo."
The obvious question is, so what?
Slashdot: providing anti-social weirdos a soapbox, since 1997.
Get a fucking life. In the end, I don't know a married man on earth who hasn't been completely pussy-whipped. If you get married, your wife will own you; it's that fucking simple. End of story.
Yeah, *THATS* why I'm single...
Why UNIX?
A buddy of mine, when he and his girlfriend split, the biggest argument was how to split the WoW crap that they had accumulated. When my girlfriend eventually corners me into marriage I'm going to insist that we register at Fry's
"Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right" - Salvor Hardin
Just like in everything else, it's about creating a solution to keep both people happy. Concerned about merging your blog? How about the two of you just start a new blog together and keep your old ones personal.
Is this really that hard people? This sounds like an author in search of a problem to write about.
***
Like my DNS cares if it needs to forward two A records to the same number.
Support Eachother, Copy Dutch Property!
...by bickering over which TV shows get deleted to make room on the TiVo.
Do what I did and buy two. If you're going to argue, at least pick something worth arguing over. Television isn't worth the expended energy.
Learning HOW to think is more important than learning WHAT to think.
Keep it simple, keep it separate. All I can say is that in marriage you need alone time to do your own things. If couples do everything together, they will burnout on each other pretty fast. Trust me, it happens. You maybe in love today, but tomorrow maybe a different story, so it's much easier and cleaner to leave when couple have separate accounts.
If you're in a solid relationship, then you and your partner should have no problem sharing everything.
If you're a guy, let your wife know that you like to masturbate to bukkake photos online. In return, she can masturbate to photos of well-hung men of various other racial groups.
Furthermore, if you're a guy, let your wife know that you send raunchy emails to your secretary from a rather anonymous Hotmail account. And your wife will tell you about how she and her friends from the spa exchange pictures of their husbands' cocks on a phpBB forum they set up.
So in the end, everyone is open with what they do and what they like. There are no secrets. And your marriage is strong, just because everything is in the open.
modern marvels > dr. 90210
arrested development > love connection
star trek: voyager, tng, enterprise > real world, honey we're killing the kids, little people-big world
come on!
Relationships will seek a way to interfere with any medium that falls into their domain, be it technological or otherwise.
Solution 1)
You are the nerd, she is the clueless noob. She idolises your power. You win.
Solution 2)
You are equally technologically savvy. You declare yourself root, lock down the network. She is a mere user. You win.
Solution 3)
You both give up all technology and move to a hut, farming and tending vegetables. All is bliss. Soon, you start to argue about how to plant the carrots and who milks the goat.
(but sometimes I wonder why anyone would marry a vi person anyway)
anything like that. But on this machine here, I have a user account for both of us as well as the admin account and except for the admin account, the others don't have passwords. That way, when she logs in, her email and her desktop comes up and the same, obviously, for me. We're not hiding anything from one another, it's just that to mix everything up would be confusing and could lead to possible errors.
I prefer Flambe as apposed flamebait.
The only thing my wife and I had a problem with at first was her difficulties using Linux for her school work. The program she is in has standardized on MS Word and wants everything turned in in that format. I don't care who you are or what you say, OO.o has some issues with formatting when saving in .doc format. Things just come out looking differently.
We finally came to the conclusion that she needed a system to herself running Windows. Since then, she is happy as can be with our setup. We value our privacy over what's on our computers, in our email, etc. We don't snoop because we trust each other and to snoop would violate that trust. We play on a do to you as I would have you do to me. She has no problems I keep my own website (doesn't even care) or have a myspace page or anything tech-wise.
Moving together or getting married does not (or should not, at least) entail giving up your individuality. If you have a problem sharing some resource, keep it separate. Just because you're a couple doesn't mean that you should be doing everything together, sharing every resource, or emulating Siamese twins in any other way.
I would say that it it's beneficial for the relationship to explicitly make sure both people have a space (physical, mental and time) of their own that the other does not intrude on without a go-ahead. If you have the space, a room of your own - even if it's the size of a closet - is a great idea. That's where you store all the stuff that's yours (like clothing - no more arguing about closet space), and that's where you can do work, keep your hobbies and so on. And since it's yours, there's no argument about cleaning up or anything. Same thing with having non-common friends, times when you go out for some activity on your own and so on.
Make sure you both have room to remain yourselves and the relationship will be stronger and more stable for it.
Trust the Computer. The Computer is your friend.
Let me start by saying that I've been happily married for 7 years now, so I know what I'm talking about :)
We used to keep separate bank accounts, but consolidating everything helped keep us more organized. That's been the theme throughout our whole marriage. I do think that we play nicer than most couples. There are many things we share. For example I run 4 workstations, and my wife and I use them all. If one of us is on one, the other will go to another one. If we need to use something on box, IE a computer that has a VPN client installed, then we'll switch. We keep common email addresses, and share all the account info... mostly because we know each other's passwords. It's easer that way, and if you can't trust, or play nice with your spouse then you have more important issues.
We do keep separate blogs, but that's mostly because my wife runs one for her company, and I run a more personal one.
Individual bank accounts, computers, etc. If you start fighting over bandwidth, get individual lines.
Trying to "share" everything is a recipe for disaster.
You can tell a tech is getting mainstream when they start talking about married people in the same sentences as some of these gadgets and technologies.
It is strange to think I almost prefer the age when people dealing with technology were assumed to be single... at least I still have slashdot.
Who posts this bollocks to Slashdot?
Just the same as what radio station will we listen to, what will we both watch on TV, we like different foods, etc. etc. Is this some journalism student trying to come up with an 'angle' on a 'story'?
Bosco
This guy's the limit!
"For some young newlyweds, this means a debate over whether to combine their blogs."
The fun never ends when you hang around with some people.
You were mistaken. Which is odd, since memory shouldn't be a problem for you
I recently (one and a half years ago) got married. We are both Software Engineers and are both under 25. We haven't really had any problems like this. Maybe because we aren't really into "blogging" or maybe because we aren't the type of people who's real life identity is based on an online persona. If we were the more controlling types, we might have had problems like those described in the article. But that has nothing to do with technology, and everything to do with plain old personality.
This article seems to highlight the pretty obvious. When you get married you have to share things, and you have to accept that the person you're married to won't want to share everything. So, not surprisingly, in a technology world, that also means you have to negotiate over the merge of your online personalities, just like your real world ones.
Duh?
Dude, spend an extra $15 a month and get a second NetFlix account.
If she ends up dying of cancer at least you'll be able to say that you got to watch the movies YOU wanted. What the fuck, people? Get some perspective! Are you that hung up on the trivialities of your life that you can't work around them? Grow up and start acting like an adult.
Reading through the comments here, the general solution from slashdotters appears to be some form of "Just throw more money at it" (buy another TiVo, get a second Netflix account, get more hard drives). Whatever happened to actually talking with the other person and trying to work out a solution to the problem? It seems that many times, just accumulating more "his" and "her" stuff doesn't get to the root of the issue, which is that the two of you supposedly share a life now.
This guy's the limit!
This guy is just looking for something to write about. Give the girl her own computer. She can look at what I'm doing online and interact with me all she wants, but she cannot touch my computer or my user accounts. Also: WTF people actually use iTunes as a music player?
TWD - TheWhiteDragon
Visit my weblog
Atlast we have a discussion about "marriage" on slashdot.
His exploit "just works". Apple fanbois everywhere implode in a self-collapsing vortex of cognitive dissonance. by jjack
I found the perfect solution to this. The females of the household want the seat down as default so they won't fall in when they don't bother to look first.
My solution was to close both the seat and the lid. This gives neither side the advantage of default position.
I could care less if my wife wants to take up the DVR with her shows, as long as i can get at least one episode of what i want in there. Now, if it were really important to me, we'd discuss it in advance for some particular show. That's called open communication, which is the cornerstone of any marriage. If you can't come to an agreement about which freaking shows go on the DVR, then you probably shouldn't be married to each other.
stuff |
Who cares? If your technology is causing problems with your relationship, you need to ditch the technology. Who cares if you share online calendars, email accounts, and blogs? There are more important things in a relationship than some electrons on a computer.
Sometimes, its best to ditch the technology and use old-fashioned methods to keep track of things. Put a calendar on your wall and use that instead of starting a fight over merging your online calendars. If your SO has a separate email account, let them keep it. You'll never know if they create another one anyway.
My Sysadmin Blog
Next they'll be asked to share time, a house, a bill for $appliance/car/house/meal..maybe even share the kids!
There's a reason there are TWO separate wedding rings. If we were meant to share, there would be 1. And both would wear it at the same time.
My point is that marriage shouldn't be about sharing. Marriage is about keeping yourselves separate.
A very good (and very quick) read about keeping lives separate from the Guardian
I believe we all know that marriage comes from marry + iage, which comes from mar + ry + iage. Ignoring the last two which i assume simply modify it, you have 'mar.'
From thefreedictionary.com, we read: mar(mär)
tr.v. marred, marring, mars
1. To inflict damage, especially disfiguring damage, on.
2. To impair the soundness, perfection, or integrity of; spoil.
n.
A disfiguring mark; a blemish. Marriage isn't about spending your lives together. It's about keeping yourselves separate..I don't see what is so complicating about that fact.
Feel free to contact me if you would like more information.
I can be reached at the following site. Please consult me before you marry that special someone..Ignore the URL, it's a typo, the information is correct though.
More information and marriage resources
...between my wife and I regarding tech usually centers around how much hard drive space we each have. I use several external drives with my machine due to a large, backed-up movie and music collection. She has fewer external drives and thus less available space on her computer, even though her needs only occupy about 30% of what she has available. Still, it never fails for her to see me doing something with my arrangement of drives and then look at her own and whine about "why don't I have that many drives on my computer?". I finally broke down and got her a 150 gig external, even though I KNOW she will not only be able to locate it in a Finder window and further still, never store anything on it.
As someone who isn't married (and never will be), is spouses who share an IM account. Sometimes I can get a message and not know who sent it, and not know what kind of mode to respond in (I talk differently to a close friend and a close friends wife. For instance, goatse never makes the topic list with the wife)
Please don't share IM and email, etc unless it's CLEAR that the account is shared (so a "the_whatever_family@hotmail.com" would be okay)
Sometimes, I see how the industry is dying. All of the "smart techies" never reproduce. Because they were to dumb to figure out a simple issue.
I've had 15 years of marriage (and have two kids). Judging by the character of the posts, I'm pretty much a senior citizen by slashdot standards, because apparently I'm about 13-15 years older than the majority of posters here. I can tell you now, the writer of the original aritcle has their head up their ass. For that matter, anyone who thinks in the terms listed in the article really DO have their head up their ass, and shouldn't even bother getting married.
There are lots of solutions to the issues in the article, but none of them work as well as "here, just borrow my account to browse instead of me logging out" or "honey, whatcha reading in your email?" or any other form of give-and-take, which needs a foundation in TRUST. It's not "boyfriend-girlfriend on the playground at recess". It's a marriage. There is a simple solution: FOR SHIT'S SAKE, GROW THE FUCK UP.
Marriage is like a bridge, and each spouse holds one side of the bridge up. It takes both sides to keep it up and going. Sometimes, one of the two has to put the bridge down (for rest, health reasons, "me-time", family emergencies, whatever...doesn't matter, it happens), for just a breather - and the other one has to carry the load. If the marriage is working, that person comes back and picks up their end of the bridge. But the bridge won't stand up forever if only one is left holding everything up, or if both spouses can't agree to share the load and the bridge never goes up to begin with.
Guess what? Marriage takes an EFFORT. You will do HARD INTERPERSONAL WORK. Work that requires you hold up your end of the situation. It's you and your spouse choosing to share life - all of life - and all of each other, the good parts, and all the bad parts. If she can't deal with those things in you that are a part of you, or you can't deal with those things in her that drive you crazy, then it's just not gonna work. Ever. You need to find - gasp! - compromise. And it seems that the younger groups of today seem to have less and less of this critical quality that's needed for marriage.
This isn't me trying to troll. It's me trying to slap some sense into someone's thick skull. Seriously. No fool'in. If you have a friend that's about to get married, and they think they way they do in the article, you need to print this out, roll it up, walk up to them, and slap them upside the head - repeatedly. They need to really think about something as serious as this before just waltzing off to the land of eternal Tivo replays and iPod picks. Because it has nothing to do with tech. It has everything to do with "these people need to seriously grow the hell up".
Why not just set up a marriage blog and keep your individual blogs?
Then, every time you blog together in the first year, each of you puts a penny in the blog jar. After the first year, you take a penny out each time either of you blogs individually. When you empty the jar, you start going to marriage counseling, which you video tape and save to your Tivo.
IF counseling goes well
THEN you can stop replaying the sessions for your friends during WoW night out w/ the boys/girls
ELSE find a way to relate to each other and focus on something meaningful
Geeks aren't really this misanthropic, are they?
My friend got caught by his wife. He was basically masturbating to bukkake photos on some online site. So instead of freaking out, she said she'd let him and some of his friends bukkake her. He ended up turning down the offer, as I imagine she had been expecting. But it just goes to show how putting things in perspective works out best for everyone.
Why would you want to consolidate your blogs and e-mail accounts? That just makes it easier for people to get confused who's sending what to who, and what e-mail is coming for who, who posted what, etc.
... whatever else she does beyond that (Not that I don't care, but unless she says "OMG COME LOOK AT THIS!" or something to the effect, we rarely involve each other in our online activities unless it's to play a game together.). Maybe it's different because this stuff has been around since we've been old enough to understand it, and longer.
... and she was right.) but it's all opinion based.
It's not like you have to pay extra to keep your GMail (Example.) and Blogspot (Also an example.) accounts set up how they have been. Sure, maybe you might want to make a combined blog IN ADDITION to your personal one, with both set up as contributors, or maybe make an extra "everyone in the family" e-mail account for mass e-mails inside the extended family..
But beyond that, I can't see any good reason why you'd want to consolidate.
My fiancee and I each do our own thing online. I have *chan, Ultima Online, and SomethingAwful amongst other things, she has her pet sites and
I don't know, I just find the whole thing silly. But then again, we're keeping all our finances separate for the most part, each contributing our half to the bills/groceries/etc., and splitting stuff like movies/games/other fun purchases by "Who will use this more?" (So I got stuck paying for the 360 and PS3 myself. Drat.) and it's working out just fine for us.
The only time one of us has a say in the finances of the other is if one of us can see it being a stupid purchase (Like my PS3 that she said "Don't get it, you'll never use it."
Okay, I didn't sleep last night so I'm rambling. Time to get some coffee and hit the hay.
This from a user whose id is "SPLATTER" lol
When my wife and I got married we came up with a clever email address to share that was a play on our names; it seemed like a cool idea, but was utterly useless. I get about one or two (personal) emails a day at most. My wife gets one hundred emails on a slow day. Sharing an account just wasn't feasable (for me).
About two years ago we started a blog "together" and by together I mean I have a blog that she technically has admin rights to. Even when she wants to add something to it, she just prefers to tell me what she wants rather than do it herself.
Tivo is a relatively new thing in our lives, but I can see trouble brewing; when I record something I like to watch it soon after, then erase it. My wife like to record things, but hates to take the time to watch them; she also does not want anything she's recorded to be deleted till she's watched it. Our drive is filling up fast with shows that no one will ever watch.
One final thing we have had an interesting time of is game consoles. Although I have been happy with both our Gamecube and Wii, it has seemed very odd to me that someone who spends at most one hour a month gaming, and then only one game (Mario Party), should have as strong an opinion as my wife has had on our console choices.
Say, honey, do we really need TEN FRICKIN' BARNEY'S SAVED??? My frickin' Monster Garage didn't get recorded!!!!
Here is the best advice you will ever hear regarding staying married. This is the info marriage counselors don't want you to know.
Two TVs. And two MythTV boxes (or Tivos). Separate blogs, calendars, and email addresses. Share a gold fish.
Regarding the toilet seat problem, men don't understand why a woman would fall into the toilet. We always check the position of the seat, because we don't remember which way we put it last time. Women remember exactly which position it was in last time, and subconsciously believe it to still be in that position. Be respectful of your woman, and help to keep her ass dry by putting the toilet seat down.
Write your own Choose Your Own Adventure. http://www.freegameengines.org/gamebook-engine/
Let's take a few examples:
Really? They're talking about the same computer here. Now, my wife and I both make very heavy use of our computers, so she has her own Mac Powerbook, and I have my own computers. We share common files and have ample storage with a simple Linux server in the basement loaded with hard drives.
We've set up a mail server with lots of virtual aliases. For a while we had a combined alias, but it started getting spam so we dropped it. We haven't really missed it since. For online accounts (utilities, credit cards, etc.) that we both want to receive the notifications for, it's a trivial matter to have the mail sent to both real email addresses.
Even if you don't have a mail server, don't gmail or Yahoo or something allow you to automatically forward an address to multiple accounts? I'm sure there's some convenient online resource that does that.
Wow, that's just...mean. We signed up with Netflix after they had the separate queue feature (this was over 2 years ago). For 3 DVDs at a time, we each get one at a time, and we have a shared queue for movies and shows we know we want to watch together.
Even if they didn't have this feature, it wouldn't have been too hard to share equitably. But getting up at 5am to put your movies on the top of the queue is not playing fair.
Every couple has to work out their own relationship and budget. Still, tech issues aren't worth causing fights over; they can usually be resolved with a little time to find a fix or at worst, a little money.
"The universe seems neither benign nor hostile, merely indifferent." --Carl Sagan
Marriage is about being a couple and joining your individual resources together. To the extent that happens is up to each couple. Each couple is unique and have their own ways of making that union successful. Problems arise when individual wants are taken at the expense of the union. Making a great marriage takes some work, but it is worth it. Don't let the wants of the "ME" destroy the "WE".
One of the outcomes of a MAJORITY of marriages is kind of "genetic fusing" -- or haven't you heard? I guess you haven't got to that part yet. I'll let it be a surprise for you.
The basic problem in all relationships, not just marriages, is a lack of complete understanding. We humans are reasonably good at communicating our mental states to each other, but it's never perfect. We spend most of our lives with nothing more than a "pretty good idea" of what our partner is thinking or feeling. Once you've figured out how to communicate, you can work together to find solutions to your difficulties that are appropriate for BOTH of you.
There's no rule that tells you how to get along. You tell EACH OTHER that part. The trick is learning how to say it, and hear it when the other says it.
Wife: "Where the hell are all the files I downloaded??!! I need those files now!!"
Me: "In the Shitcan."
Wife: "What a fucking Shitcan?"
Me: "There, on the desktop - a folder called Shitcan. All your files are there."
Me: "How many times do I have to tell you that I don't want the desktop full of files. Once a week the desktop is full of some bloody downloaded files!"
1. Start where the most benefit is (for us, we go joint on almost everything to minimize cost, hassle and clutter).
.. (can't even see the benefit of using a joint one, it's not like a mailbox costs anything nowadays). Individual forum/web/online/msn accounts everywhere.
2. When we step on each other's toes, go the other way (in most cases, this means SPLIT).
This has resulted in us doing:
* (still) joint finance - cheaper than paying for double the banking services, additional credit card holders are way cheaper than additional credit accounts, our combined borrowing power is better (for when you do risky investment), and one single big resource pool is way more flexible to manage. Some would say you may have different considerations here if, say, you start at very different ends of the financial spectrum (and wish to perpetuate that), have a wildly different tolerance to risky investment etc. (the latter being the only justification I'd be able to find in a relationship I'd still want to be a part of, but that's just me). Your life, your considerations, use your brain, that's what it's for.
* Separate emails (doh)
* ALWAYS Seperate machines (above technique applied here). Not so much a privacy thing (we both have full access to each other's boxes and the tech know-how to do stuff covertly without the other knowing were we so inclined), just a major convenience issue. Worth the extra cost (not to mention that the various machines are specced out to our individual requirements). Pro'lly biggest problem with one machine is that two people can't be using it at once, and for us that's a big requirement.
* Separate cars - which is the classic example of the above. Let the requirement dictate the resource allocation. Just like anywhere else.
etc.
Worked wonderful for the last decade or so. Why isn't this totally and utterly obvious? sheesh...
And if you want to keep shit away from the eyes of your better half (for whatever, legit or sinister reason), the technical ability is always there, but I'm assuming that's not the purpose of this debate. If you want to cheat or plan a surprise party, do (or don't, or whatever).
-
I can't believe that couples actually argue over such trivial crap. My wife and I have been nigh unseperable since before we were married (almost a year now). Yes, our marriage is still fairly new; but we both have previous experience with relationships that have lasted over the course of years. Since being married we've had to deal with several situations that I believe would strain the strongest of marriages. First, I moved to Australia a few years ago from the US; bringing my wife (also an American) to live with me here was no easy task. Issues and costs associated with this move alone were difficult for a low-income couple like us. We've had to deal with issues regarding families, money, jobs, housing, and even education (I'm finishing post-grad studies) since being married; and we've not had the altercations listed in this article or the slashdot posts.
Sharing a blog, emails, Tivo?! Who the hell really cares about this type of thing? My wife and I have separate emails just because it's confusing if we combine them. My wife knows all my passwords and I hers; so we can access each other's computers, accounts, whatever if we really need to. We help each other with our computers as well... she's an interface designer and I like playing around with hardware, kernels etc. It works out really nicely (we both are Arch users). We both have almost identical tastes in music, books and movies; this was one of the biggest reasons we hit it off so well in the beginning. Now I admit, I lucked out having a wife who actually likes the movie "Doom" and is a huge Tool fan; but I would have thought a common interest in these things would be had by many married couples. While we both like videogames, the only TV shows we really care to watch are Southpark and BSG. Again, I know I'm lucky; but then again, I didn't choose to marry someone with whom I really didn't have that much in common.
What I really think is the bigger issue here is porn. I, like every guy here, had a big porn collection before meeting my now wife. Being single, I was perfectly happy wacking off to porn whenever I felt like it; and I still don't see a problem with this. That being said, whenever I started dating a woman in the past; I would stop looking at porn on my own. I look at it like this, I would not be happy to walk in and see someone I'm dating masturbating to internet porn; so I don't do it. I have never been asked to stop looking at porn by anyone I've dated; it's just something I did on my own. In my view, masturbating to porn is the most effective way to make your partner feel utterly unattractive, and it will build resentment. I really feel that it's this building resentment that fuels arguments over trivialities; people don't want to take on the nasty issue, so they just berate each other over trivialities. There are many reasons why I really like my wife; but, one big one, is that are views on sexuality are the same. We both genuinely like sex as both a physical and mental act; and we don't deny each other's physical or mental desires. I believe this is healthy and unfortunately, somewhat rare given how twisted our societies' view on sex is. As for having sex with the same partner getting old; well, I don't really experience that. People's minds and bodies are infinitely fascinating; and so, I haven't ever felt boredom with a sexual partner even if we've been together for years.
They so poor they can't afford two. Who said you all have to watch the same thing at the same time.
Comment removed based on user account deletion
My finance has her own email, blog, and website. I help her with her website (I got it SEO'ed on google), I keep her computer running - all while respecting her privacy. I have never read her email and I have admin access on her box. She also respects my privacy. She also cleans, cooks and takes care of me at the house while I work from home. It's called mutual respect. Taking care of each other. It's not that hard. This article misses that point altogether.
Horns are really just a broken halo.
...that I am single.
Anybody want my mod points?
People that aren't considerate of their partners get in fights?
Really? WOW! How surprising!
-- Programming with boost is like building a house with lego. It's a cool but I wouldn't want to live in it
My ex-girlfriend and I... lived together for about four years and had a Netflix account. When we separated, I continued to use it and it's become mine basically. However, together... we rated so many movies on Netflix. Now, if she were to start a new Netflix account, she'd have to restart this process. I could see this happening on many sites where preferences and your history are tracked. I wonder if sites should allow you to clone/fork this sort of thing... or maybe sites should be providing a way for users to group their preferences and ungroup when necessary. After the Netflix, I'm keeping all my stuff separate because nothing lasts forever. ;-)
Robby Russell
PLANET ARGON
Robby on Rails
In the US we did away with Fault divorces, in favour of No-Fault divorces.
Now no matter what your wife does, you get screwed.
The key phrases for you getting screwed over are "equity" and "the best interests of the children".
You are in a much better legal position not getting married and having the children out of wedlock.
This is a soar issue for me as my 5 year relationship with my fiance ended badly partly for this reason. She was a computer junkie and would purposely hide things from me and being the computer geek I am, I snooped into her machine to find out she's been cyber cheating with several guys which did lead to a physical relationship with one person, denying my existence when she can and pretty much leading a second life where she wanted no part of me. I gave here a couple of chances to stop and she just got sneakier instead.
In hindsight my suggestion sure give your spouse/loved ones some space, we all need it from time to time, but if that spouse gets ansy when you walk because they don't want you to see their conversations, or emails or wont even add you to her myspace or blog....RUN WHILE YOU CAN. If your in a committed relationship and you can't show your significant other what you're doing your hiding something and that alone should send up red flags.....
I also don't think new rules need to apply to online stuff as I feel the same general rules in life needed to make a relationship work is used and just applied to a new medium. Principles/people don't change regardless what technology brings.... What happen to me I'm sure would of happen anyways without the online stuff, she has a mental instability but her being online brought it out that much faster....
Why would it occur to any couple to combine their email addresses? Your email address is yours, and you can open a new account any time you feel like it. Since I can easily spend hours on a computer at a time, it wouldn't even occur to me to share a computer with whomever I marry.
I've never seen a shared personal blog. Do these things exist? It seems like it would be nearly as unmanageable as a shared cell phone or a shared ATM card. Usually, people seem to each have blogs, and expect their friends to read both. In fact, all of the blogs I've ever seen written by multiple people have been written by a group of people each of whom have individual blogs, and these have been about non-personal topics.
This sort of article seems to be written by people who pay no attention at all to the relevant technology, on the basis of taking a traditional behavior, replacing an old technology with a new technology, and stating that it's tough to decide whether to go the old behavior, because, on the one hand, it's traditional, and on the other hand, it's a stupid thing that nobody would even consider doing, because the technology obviously doesn't work like that.
Couples twenty years ago didn't develop a shared handwriting so that their Christmas letters would come from the two of them together, and couples today don't need to merge their blogs. They just cross-post things they write together, or link to posts in each other's blogs.
And the toilet seat and lid stay down. Slightly more work for both of us, keeps stuff from falling in, doesn't look as bad if nobody's cleaned it lately
I know I'm late to the discussion, and these have probably all been addressed somewhere, but I thought I'd bring them together, just combing TFA point by point:
Don't thank God, thank a doctor!
I mostly use my work laptop, and I set up the home desktop; my wife's laptops from her old consulting business are obsolete, so she uses the desktop these days. In theory I could boot it in Linux, but in practice it runs XP with three users, me, her, and root, in theory with only root having admin privileges. In practice, she runs the important Windows application (Turbotax) and installs interesting software and has admin privileges, even though she's mostly browsing, while I run it occasionally for iTunes (which unfortunately had to be installed by root, and gets confused about what's mine and what's root's.)
Bill Stewart
New Fast-Compression-only CPR http://preview.tinyurl.com/dy575ks
Since the Sony Walkman, and the promise of isolating yourself from the world within your own soundtrack, your own world of sound, technology has been specialized to deal in providing individual tastes and "needs" with increasingly specialized services.
Every time I see someone walking down the street with an earbud cell phone in, talking to himself and ignoring the world at large, even cars in the street sometimes, I wonder if all of this "connectivity" isn't, in fact, isolating us from each other more than we realize.
It's no surprise that this lifestyle choice might be fundamentally in conflict with the lifestyle choice of marriage, which is interpersonal at its basis. I think the article is the tip of the iceberg of the larger issue of technology being isolating, and it may be a bigger problem than most of us realize.
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Toro
...but I hope GP will come back to give an honest answer. The last time I heard somebody exclaim such a statement, the fitting analogy would be that if she asks him to take out the trash, he'll do so - while in his favor, he gets to play computer games, and she lets him. ... I didn't have the heart to tell him how f..skewed that was.
Just sit on the toilet. Don't pee standing up, it was never efficient in the first place. You always have the chance to not aim well, and the pee that gets in the toilet also splashes up, which can leave drops on the side of the toilet.
Most people argue back that real men pee standing up, but I don't buy that.
As an additional bonus, I've been told that peeing sitting is better for your health, as it empties your 'reservoir' better.
When I lend my laptop to my brother or sister, there are ALWAYS files (or some folder) to be found on the desktop.
Period.
Does she know you're referring to her on the web as your "finance"?
I'm sure you meant "fiancée" and that it wasn't deliberate. Probably.
Attack its weak point for massive damage!
What about all the nude photos of the wife?
"The average reporter we talk to is 27 years old......They literally know nothing." - Ben Rhodes
I watch porn, my husband watches porn. I know he watches porn he knows I watch porn.
Occasionally we'll discuss what we watch but we don't watch it together as we have slightly different ideas as to what makes good porn.
Works for us.
Is this the return of John Katz?
If you're just married and you're already having a debate whether or not to combine your blogs your marriage is in serious trouble.
From what little I understood about the crap particles, aerosols, and toothbrushes, I got the impression that the guy leaving the toilet seat up was the one giving, not taking the crap?
Thank you for re-affirming my commitment to never getting married. In the words of a famous snake, Don't Tread On Me, Bitch.