Slashdot Mirror
Best Man Rigs Newlyweds' Bed To Tweet During Sex
When an UK man was asked to be the best man at a friend's wedding he agreed that he would not pull any pranks before or during the ceremony. Now the groom wishes he had extended the agreement to after the blessed occasion as well. The best man snuck into the newlyweds' house while they were away on their honeymoon and placed a pressure-sensitive device under their mattress. The device now automatically tweets when the couple have sex. The updates include the length of activity and how vigorous the act was on a scale of 1-10.
First!
130KG. 45 seconds.
Imagine a Beowulf cluster of these.
They’re on the job! #2 - Action commenced at 15.50GMT. Weight: 151KG.
They’re on the job! #3 - Action commenced at 15.13GMT. Weight: 151KG.
They’re on the job! #4 - Action commenced at 19.14GMT. Weight: 151KG.
and later...
They’re on the job! #5 - Action commenced at 09.33GMT. Weight: 152KG.
Where did those extra 2.2 pounds come from? 4 times in and they are already experimenting with sex toys?! I just don't know what to say as a virgin, unmarried slashdotter.
I guess the only fitting comment is "pics or it didn't happen"
The friend is breaking the cardinal rule of pranks. Everyone must get a good laugh *before* spilling the beans.
So to recap:
1) Spit the seed
2) Tweet the deed
3) Spill the beans
Otherwise, the newlyweds are just going to screw elsewhere.
If you check the bed's twitter, the best man says that the groom does not know yet. I may have missed something, but I don't think so.
Unfortunately (well, maybe fortunately) all parties in this hack are anonymous. Otherwise, the new groom could rig up an automatic bed bouncing machine and become a sexual legend of Web 3.0.
If Slashdot were chemistry it would look like this:Cadaverine
I will have the hide of anyone foolish enough to try this on me!!!
"Neither the friend nor the couple are known. In fact, who knows if this is even real, and who cares, it's hilarious."
What's next? Fart jokes? Unverified of course!
These posts express my own personal views, not those of my employer
...this feed won't be updated much after a few months.
There's no -1 for "I don't get it."
If the device starts tweeting while the husband is at work.
The best man snuck into the newlyweds' house while they were away on their honeymoon and placed a pressure-sensitive device under their mattress.
So it only measures sex on the bed. How boring is that? That leaves out the walls, floor, couch, kitchen counter, pool table, the whole rest of the house and car sex un-Tweeted.
And, if you're Tiger Woods, the private jet, the yacht and the putting green.
That's our life, the big wheel of shit. - The Fat Man, Blue Tango Salvage
So how does the device work? For instance, how are these weight measurements being made? If you just put a load cell under the middle of the bed, it isn't going to measure the total mass. You'd need to use 4 load cells - one at each corner of the mattress. And the Mattress has to have a frame, like a box spring. Or you could use 1 load cell, but you'd have to build a special framework under the bed for it.
The next part is how do you translate these weight and vibration readings into a "sex detector". Where do you set the threshold, such that if someone just rolls over or even flops on the bed it doesn't set it off? Lots of ordinary acts, from scratching an itch to sitting up might create vibrations in the system that would fool a simple script into detecting "sex".
Plus, some sex acts create a lot more vibration that others. Position also matters quite a bit.
This is an interesting problem. I think it's solvable, to a reasonable level of accuracy. But you'd have to calibrate the system, which would require something that most slashdotters don't have access to....
Wow, I want one, that sounds awesome. I wouldn't have it tweet when I'm having sex, but I'd probably keep some sort of online log that would graph the weight, volume, temperature (though that might be greatly skewed by the friction of the mattress constantly rubbing against the device) and if I can have motion sensors I'd have it log "the motion of the ocean."
Not that the data would serve much purpose other than to say "Hey check out what I made."
This has a very, very high likelihood of being an advertisement for the pads he links to. Such a pity that advertising agencies have destroyed my ability to believe things :-(
if time=x and frequency=y
f(x)= 1/x
x: (0, infinity)
Seems like a Wiimote, like the ones we were reading about the other day would work better than a simple pressure sensor.
Give it a couple of years...
Finally, a use for Twitter!
For newlyweds it should go to 11.
When she read the article her first words were "Where do we get one of those?" O.o
-Ours is the wisdom of Solomon, the magic of Merlyn, the fall of Icaris.
I wonder how many low-intensity sex sessions are actually false positives caused by tossing and turning.
But doesn't that count as foreplay?
140 thrust limit?
Jason-Palmer.com
Only a matter of time before someone puts one of these in a motel room that rents by the hour.
I regret that I only have one mod point to give per post.
I wonder how you can get a reliable connection out into the world. Local WLAN ? Random open hotspot ? Someone might actually find that an unknown device on the local lan. A cellphone/pager would be a waste.
"However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results" - Winston Churchill
there's gonna be a meter on your bed, that will disclose.. what everybody knows!..
never thought it would be LITERAL.
VLC FOR MAC IS DYING! IF YOU DEVELOP, PLEASE SAVE IT!!
Reply: "Get your own, bastard! And thanks for the iPhone."
Table-ized A.I.
I wonder how often the new bride and groom will be inclined to turn the mattress? This will tell us something about their housekeeping skills, too. Will the bedbugs find the Twitterbox before they do?
What the hell is that?
current frequency .008 Hz, Amplitude 3 inches
Study reveals that amplitude is inversely proportional to frequency
Normally you'd expect someone nerdy enough to create something as complex as this to document their build with pictures and short blurbs about the materials and sensors used. I find it odd that this so-called nerdy creation does not contain any information about the build itself outside of "Hey you know this guy that built a twitter connected fart sensor, well I used some stuff like that". Who knows why he would want a bunch of twitter followers interested in pseudo-voyeurism, but I think this feed is not genuine.
wait a minute.. you're saying tossing and turning on a bed with someone isn't sex??! Damn it I thought I scored.
...when it turns out, they haven't been having sex the past few days
What interests me is that this is a British man and the *Washington Post* has the story first.
Pleasure sensor
Wow, this is really evil
If there's no Twitpic, it didn't happen.
Kriston
I've been married twice, so let me tell you something important. They say that the first year of marriage is the hardest. Don't worry, that's not true. It's the last year that's the hardest.
Good luck!
Space game using normal deck of cards: http://BattleCards.org
Oliver's law of assumed responsibility: If you're seen fixing it, you will be blamed for breaking it.
Oddly enough, the frequency of tweeting on the account is dropping like a rock.
No way. Never.
IANAL but write like a drunk one.