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Nike Bricks Its Shoes With a Faulty Firmware Update (arstechnica.com)

AmiMoJo writes: Nike users are experiencing some technical difficulties in the wild world of connected footwear. Nike's $350 "Adapt BB" sneakers are the latest in the company's line of self-lacing shoes, and they come with the "Nike Adapt" app for Android and iOS. The app pairs with the shoes and lets you adjust the tightness of the laces, customize the lights (yeah, there are lights), and see, uh, how much battery life your shoes have left. The only problem: Nike's Android app doesn't work. Android users report that their new kicks aren't paring with the app properly, and some customers report failed firmware updates for the shoes, which render them unable to pair with the app at all. "My left shoe won't even reboot." writes one owner.

120 of 187 comments (clear)

  1. So it has come to this by mccrew · · Score: 5, Funny

    My left shoe won't even reboot...

    --
    Hey, Windows users, there is no such thing as "forward" slash, there is only slash and backslash.
    1. Re:So it has come to this by Kaenneth · · Score: 4, Funny
    2. Re:So it has come to this by alvinrod · · Score: 3, Insightful

      Tell me about it. Here I was thinking I had problems.

    3. Re:So it has come to this by A10Mechanic · · Score: 5, Funny

      Poor guy, just going in circles now.

    4. Re:So it has come to this by mccrew · · Score: 4, Funny

      Heh, I was expecting you to: follow up with this.

      --
      Hey, Windows users, there is no such thing as "forward" slash, there is only slash and backslash.
    5. Re:So it has come to this by sinij · · Score: 1

      My left shoe won't even reboot...

      At least database merge succeeded on the right shoe. A not so small miracle.

    6. Re:So it has come to this by Lew+Perin · · Score: 1

      What’s the point of self-lacing bricks anyway?

      --
      Sorry, I forgot there are ads on the Web; I use Lynx.
    7. Re:So it has come to this by ItsJustAPseudonym · · Score: 1

      The right shoe is using MySQL, the left shoe is using Oracle.

      You gotta make sure your Oracle license fees are paid, before you go for a run. Also, it is REALLY difficult to get that left shoe off.

    8. Re:So it has come to this by Major_Disorder · · Score: 4, Funny

      My left shoe won't even reboot...

      So I guess if it won't reboot, then it must be dead. Don't be too upset though, it is probably in heaven. It turns out shoes have soles.

      --
      First law of people: People are generally stupid.
    9. Re:So it has come to this by 14erCleaner · · Score: 1

      But will your right boot reshoe?

      --
      Have you read my blog lately?
    10. Re:So it has come to this by roc97007 · · Score: 1

      My left shoe won't even reboot...

      I've been waiting all my life to say that.

      --
      Oliver's law of assumed responsibility: If you're seen fixing it, you will be blamed for breaking it.
    11. Re:So it has come to this by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      I suggest "my shoe is stuck in a boot cycle". I envision a vicious circle of boots snapping at a panicked shoe.

      Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from satire.

    12. Re:So it has come to this by roc97007 · · Score: 1

      The right shoe is using MySQL, the left shoe is using Oracle.

      You gotta make sure your Oracle license fees are paid, before you go for a run. Also, it is REALLY difficult to get that left shoe off.

      And when you try to install Maria on the right shoe, it wants to install Oracle instead.

      --
      Oliver's law of assumed responsibility: If you're seen fixing it, you will be blamed for breaking it.
    13. Re:So it has come to this by scdeimos · · Score: 4, Funny

      It's not dead, it's pining for the fjords.

    14. Re:So it has come to this by Tablizer · · Score: 2

      Poor guy, just going in circles now.

      An infinite loop is probably better than endless recursion. Autocannibalism rarely ends well.

      By the way, stuck in circles is about how 2/3 of battle-bot tournaments end.

    15. Re:So it has come to this by supremebob · · Score: 2

      I think that the left shoe goes into "foot strangulation" mode if you forget to renew your license after a month. You'll have to amputate your foot to get it off if you don't renew at that point.

    16. Re:So it has come to this by DontBeAMoran · · Score: 1

      Virtual +1 Funny.

      --
      #DeleteFacebook
    17. Re:So it has come to this by geekmux · · Score: 5, Funny

      My left shoe won't even reboot...

      Normally I'm rather dismissive of the smart-asses who try and dismiss this as "First World Problems", but fuck me if that doesn't fit like a fucking glove...

    18. Re: So it has come to this by Tablizer · · Score: 1

      There was something fun about old-school bots that were slow, bloated, and easy to smash.

    19. Re:So it has come to this by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      Have you tried taking it off an' putting it on again?

    20. Re:So it has come to this by budsetr · · Score: 1

      does it blend?

    21. Re:So it has come to this by hcs_$reboot · · Score: 1

      So I guess if it won't reboot, then it must be dead

      Not dead. Bricked..

      --
      Slashdot, fix the reply notifications... You won't get away with it...
    22. Re:So it has come to this by cdsparrow · · Score: 2

      You also have to be careful not to cut your JTAG off your new pillows and mattress or you might not be able to update their fluffiness properly...

    23. Re:So it has come to this by Highdude702 · · Score: 1

      Have to say... Your sig.. Man it is annoying to hear plebs say "forward" slash. Or when people say backslash and they are talking about a normal slash.. Sucks being a nerd sometimes..

    24. Re:So it has come to this by Highdude702 · · Score: 2

      Yea, just cut the sole open to get to the JTAG header and flash it. O.o Good as new!

    25. Re:So it has come to this by Highdude702 · · Score: 1

      lol

    26. Re:So it has come to this by GoTeam · · Score: 1

      The only time I say forward slash is when I say "slash" and the person asks which one. It's just not worth the fight sometimes.

    27. Re:So it has come to this by Darinbob · · Score: 1

      This would be funny if it weren't true. No wait. It is funny. Not even the most highly LSD fueled scifi writer in the 70s could have predicted this outcome for humanity.

    28. Re:So it has come to this by sjames · · Score: 1

      The gloves are bricked too....

      High school headlines next year, Nerd's revenge, entire football team hacked and pantsed at the same time.

    29. Re:So it has come to this by smoot123 · · Score: 2

      but fuck me if that doesn't fit like a fucking glove...

      Sneaker. Fits like a good sneaker. And you're not wrong.

    30. Re:So it has come to this by nawcom · · Score: 1

      Have to say... Your sig.. Man it is annoying to hear plebs say "forward" slash. Or when people say backslash and they are talking about a normal slash.. Sucks being a nerd sometimes..

      I suppose they don't fully comprehend us humans' perception of a line leaning forward (right) and backward (left) on a 2D plane, which is pretty sad. You don't have to be smart - you just have to be, well, human. It's wired into our way of thinking. I as well can't think of how many times I've heard someone read a URL and call them backslashes.

    31. Re:So it has come to this by Falos · · Score: 1

      Most conventions do that on their 1D space. Reading order is L2R, so that alone defaults the lean's not-so-arbitrary name as "forward", but number lines (cartesian planes, etc) tend to grow L2R, and video games (esp platformers) are almost purely L2R=forward preference.

      Human DNA evolved to favor right-handed development, so L2R writing is favored (trails output script, i.e. no smudging)

      Since I'm four replies deep in nerds bullshitting about dumb nerd stuff, let's mention that handedness theory is mostly based on the heart. At first it was shrugs like "left arm carries shield and protects heart, right is armed" but newer thoughts aim further back: It stemmed from females who left-armed babes, who would be quieter (ie stealthier, more successful right-arm throw-hunting results) when sensing a heartbeat. A metronome known to have a primal effect on infants recently suffused by them, nonstop, for nine months. Which allows the next nerd derail to be abortion or something.

    32. Re:So it has come to this by bill_mcgonigle · · Score: 1

      My left shoe won't even reboot...

      You're in the wrong runlevel.

      --
      My God, it's Full of Source!
      OUTSIDE_IP=$(dig +short my.ip @outsideip.net)
    33. Re:So it has come to this by CWCheese · · Score: 1

      Do you think a reboot will fix Zion Williamson's shoe?

      --
      Have a Day!
    34. Re:So it has come to this by Waccoon · · Score: 1

      User error. He probably lost the Kickstart disk.

    35. Re: So it has come to this by Billly+Gates · · Score: 1

      No but Vladimir Putin https://www.youtube.com/playli..."> wearing them?!!

    36. Re:So it has come to this by Lucan+Wai · · Score: 1

      Priceless

    37. Re:So it has come to this by Calydor · · Score: 1

      I wonder who the sole heir is.

      --
      -=This sig has nothing to do with my comment. Move along now=-
    38. Re:So it has come to this by rtb61 · · Score: 1

      Slash, gees you seppos are crude https://www.urbandictionary.co... as for forward and backward slash, well, the mind boggles.

      I have heard of concrete shoes https://www.urbandictionary.co... but brick ones, surely you feet would burn off first ?!?

      --
      Chaos - everything, everywhere, everywhen
    39. Re:So it has come to this by Highdude702 · · Score: 1

      dafuq you got from slashes to abortion? How high are you?

    40. Re:So it has come to this by Megane · · Score: 1
      --
      #naabhaprzrag, #sverubfr-000, #agi-fcbafberq, negvpyr[pynff*=' negvpyr-ary-'] { qvfcynl: abar !vzcbegnag; }
    41. Re:So it has come to this by Chris+Mattern · · Score: 1

      Reading order is L2R

      Unless, of course, you're Israeli, or an Arab, or Chinese...

  2. Firmware... for SHOES? by cmdr_klarg · · Score: 3, Insightful

    One more thing on the list of Things That Should Not Have Software.

    --
    THE SOFTWARE, IT NO WORKY!!!
    1. Re:Firmware... for SHOES? by cayenne8 · · Score: 1

      One more thing on the list of Things That Should Not Have Software.

      Yeah...color me old fashioned, and a fuddy-duddy....

      But I'm leaning towards keeping my footwear (and clothing) purely analog, and manual.

      --
      Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.........
    2. Re:Firmware... for SHOES? by samwichse · · Score: 1

      IIRC the power lacing Nikes were developed with input from Michael J Fox, who obviously has trouble tying shoes. I remember the release of the Nike Air Mags from Back to the Future had all the profits going to a Parkinsons research charity. They were making a big deal about accessibility for the disabled... I'm guessing a nice phone app with big buttons would be preferred for adjustments than some tiny buttons somewhere on the shoes themselves.

      So yeah, I think this is a fine idea. But if you buy them and don't have a disability, you're probably helping with economies of scale in manufacturing like people with actual gluten allergies now have lots of options to choose from because of people with trendy gluten allergies.

  3. Zion Williamson by ardmhacha · · Score: 2

    So is that what happened to Zion Williamson?

    https://www.npr.org/2019/02/21... ...And then a mere 33 seconds into the game, on a routine play, Williamson dribbled near the foul line when his left leg buckled, his left blue-and-white Nike sneaker ripped apart at the seams and he tumbled to the floor, grabbing his right knee in pain....

    1. Re:Zion Williamson by rogoshen1 · · Score: 1

      Because people who spend upwards $350 on non-dress shoes that may or may not be able to lace themselves are paragons of critical thinking and common sense... Being an athlete is irrelevant.

    2. Re:Zion Williamson by Archangel+Michael · · Score: 1

      I'm pretty sure that the sneakers were given to the program by Nike, or at least at a VERY steep discount from Retail. They are Promotional Items for Nike.

      --
      Agent K: A *person* is smart. People are dumb, stupid, panicky animals, and you know it.
    3. Re:Zion Williamson by roc97007 · · Score: 1

      I'm pretty sure that the sneakers were given to the program by Nike, or at least at a VERY steep discount from Retail. They are Promotional Items for Nike.

      Probably less so when they explode and cause knee injuries to players.

      --
      Oliver's law of assumed responsibility: If you're seen fixing it, you will be blamed for breaking it.
    4. Re:Zion Williamson by lgw · · Score: 1

      his left blue-and-white Nike sneaker ripped apart at the seams and he tumbled to the floor, grabbing his right knee in pain....

      Nike just took a knee.

      --
      Socialism: a lie told by totalitarians and believed by fools.
    5. Re:Zion Williamson by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      nike pays (the coach, and the school), extremely well, for the privilege of having their logos plastered on athlete apparel. little did they know that the gear provided was made to dollar store quality standards by south-east asian children working for pennies-per-day, just like their retail products (and nba jerseys).

  4. Well, here we are guys by BringsApples · · Score: 1

    And here we will be, soon.

    --
    Politics; n. : A religion whereby man is god.
    1. Re:Well, here we are guys by DontBeAMoran · · Score: 1

      Don't worry, scrote. There are plenty of 'tards out there living really kick-ass lives.

      --
      #DeleteFacebook
  5. Definition by SuperKendall · · Score: 5, Funny

    My left shoe won't even reboot...

    Well there's your problem, you should try to re-shoe.

    --
    "There is more worth loving than we have strength to love." - Brian Jay Stanley
  6. April fools? by Fly+Swatter · · Score: 2

    Seriously, this is something that would have bean an excellent joke article merely 10 years ago. Now it is reality - man, upper echelon first world problems.

  7. Firmware for shoes... by slipped_bit · · Score: 2

    ... WTF has this world come to?

    1. Re:Firmware for shoes... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      I'm sure it tracks its wearers somehow as well, in order to target ads.

    2. Re:Firmware for shoes... by DontBeAMoran · · Score: 4, Funny

      I tried ad targeting, but the cops arrested me for shooting at billboards.

      --
      #DeleteFacebook
    3. Re:Firmware for shoes... by thegarbz · · Score: 1

      ... WTF has this world come to?

      The pinnacle of technological development it would seem.

    4. Re:Firmware for shoes... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      They probably found a vulnerability in their app and firmware interface, patched it and collected the customer information from the app in the progress for that loyalty bonus achievement.

    5. Re:Firmware for shoes... by evil_aaronm · · Score: 1

      As a runner and a cyclist of little repute, I understand the need for data: You can't really improve if you don't track your performance, and for that you need data. Cycling computers, Strava, and FitBits, among other devices - power measuring crank arms for bikes are pretty big, lately - are useful, but, yeah, firmware for your shoes is more than a little absurd. Do I need turn signals on my shoes? Can I not manually tie my shoes to my own satisfaction? Ugh...

  8. Shoe Lacing, but not as I have ever known it by damn_registrars · · Score: 1

    I can't say I've ever had a day where I've felt a need to adjust the tension of my shoe laces multiple times. Nor have I really found a time where I couldn't just get it right myself and get out the door. Who is this product really targeting? I could see it being useful for people with mobility issues or diabetes perhaps - as they may have serious disabilities that would impair their ability to tie their own shoes - but that doesn't seem to be Nike's target audience here.

    --
    Damn_registrars has no butt-hole. Damn_registrars has no use for a butt-hole.
    1. Re:Shoe Lacing, but not as I have ever known it by msauve · · Score: 2

      "Who is this product really targeting?"

      People with more money than sense. You really didn't get that?

      --
      "National Security is the chief cause of national insecurity." - Celine's First Law
    2. Re:Shoe Lacing, but not as I have ever known it by Highdude702 · · Score: 1

      Maybe hes one of the targetees and doesn't yet know.

    3. Re:Shoe Lacing, but not as I have ever known it by damn_registrars · · Score: 1

      Maybe hes one of the targetees and doesn't yet know.

      Not at $350, I'm not. I've barely spent $350 on shoes for myself in the past five years, I'm certainly not going to spend that much on one pair. That and I likely don't own a phone new enough to pair with them anyways, so they likely wouldn't be worth anything to me since apparently you cannot tie them yourself.

      --
      Damn_registrars has no butt-hole. Damn_registrars has no use for a butt-hole.
    4. Re:Shoe Lacing, but not as I have ever known it by samwichse · · Score: 1

      "Who is this product really targeting?"

      Initially it was the physically disabled.

  9. I'm sorry but this is stupid by oldgraybeard · · Score: 1

    tennis shoes? "Nike Bricks Its Shoes With a Faulty Firmware Update" guess that is why they cost what they do. One wonders if the are running Windows XP embedded, that has not quite reached it's EOL.

    Just my 2 cents ;)

  10. 2019 by squiggleslash · · Score: 1

    Welcome to 2019 people. Also, people are up in arms already about their cellphones tracking them, but at least cellphones and the networks need to have some idea of where they are in the world - there's no such excuse for shoes to contain this level of computer technology...

    --
    You are not alone. This is not normal. None of this is normal.
  11. Tracy Kidder should write this one up by DulcetTone · · Score: 5, Funny

    The Sole of a New Machine

    --
    tone
  12. Indemnification clause by bguthro · · Score: 1

    Should have read the ShEULA. It was in the print.

    1. Re:Indemnification clause by tsstahl · · Score: 1

      Yea, sure, but the footprints are behind you! Besides, everyone walks through the EULA without treading.

  13. Technology by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

    My Dryer's WiFi will not connect, so I have to air dry.
    The Washer will not get anymore updates, so I have to wash in the sink.
    The TV wants a firmware update and is waiting to boot.
    The Dishwasher hasn't worked in days, since the bluetooth gave out.
    The heating system doesn't pair with the app, and it's freezing in here.
    The smart lights are no longer supported, so I moved to candles.
    My left shoe doesn't pair, the right shoe is in a boot-loop, my smart belt needs a new battery, my smart glasses need me to accept a EULA I can't read.

    Aint technology awesome!

    1. Re:Technology by roc97007 · · Score: 1

      The heating system doesn't pair with the app, and it's freezing in here.

      I believe this has actually happened.

      --
      Oliver's law of assumed responsibility: If you're seen fixing it, you will be blamed for breaking it.
    2. Re: Technology by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      If your heating system isn't working, you should fire it.

  14. Paring? by Drunkulus · · Score: 1

    Well, it does pass spellcheck.

    1. Re:Paring? by Hognoxious · · Score: 1

      Ooooh, that was a cutting remark.

      --
      Confucius say, "Find worm in apple - bad. Find half a worm - worse."
  15. Reboot? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

    Shouldnâ(TM)t that be re-boot?

  16. I get fail often, fail fast by H3lldr0p · · Score: 1

    but how does one think that a product like a shoe should leave the factory in a state where it would need a firmware update? That seems to be the absolute minimum of release conditions because who would ever want to have to be the tech support on that call?!

    1. Re:I get fail often, fail fast by bobbied · · Score: 1

      I can tell you don't sell technology to the retail market... Best a product producer can hope for is a bullet proof firmware update process these days... Working out of the box? We ain't got no time for that kind of testing.

      --
      "File to fit, pound to insert, paint to match" - Aircraft Maintenance 101
    2. Re:I get fail often, fail fast by sjames · · Score: 1

      Apparently Nike NEEDS bullet proof shoes since shooting themselves in the foot is clearly a possability.

  17. Landfill by kackle · · Score: 1

    The app pairs with the shoes and lets you adjust the tightness of the laces, customize the lights (yeah, there are lights), and see, uh, how much battery life your shoes have left.

    Yay! More pointless, poisonous, future landfill.

  18. Hey McFly... by sirsky · · Score: 1

    Your shoe's untied! Didn't they already do this once and didn't they learn anything?

    1. Re:Hey McFly... by Scarletdown · · Score: 1

      Shoe laces of the world, untie!!!

      --
      This space unintentionally left blank.
  19. Message for Nike by OneHundredAndTen · · Score: 2

    Many are going to be solely disappointed.

    1. Re:Message for Nike by bobbied · · Score: 1

      ... And give them the boot...

      --
      "File to fit, pound to insert, paint to match" - Aircraft Maintenance 101
  20. What next by The+Snazster · · Score: 1

    Kohler already makes an 8 thousand dollar toilet that occasionally has to be rebooted. We are heading for the internet of things (IoT) are we not?

    1. Re:What next by msauve · · Score: 1

      Rebooting is better than having to deal with a memory leak. But, I think flushing the cache is the proper way to handle it.

      --
      "National Security is the chief cause of national insecurity." - Celine's First Law
  21. New BSOD by lys1123 · · Score: 1

    So I guess we're going to start seeing BSOD (Blue Sole of Death) now?

    1. Re:New BSOD by Megane · · Score: 1

      Check the news about Zion Williamson. Maybe not death yet, but injury is a good start!

      --
      #naabhaprzrag, #sverubfr-000, #agi-fcbafberq, negvpyr[pynff*=' negvpyr-ary-'] { qvfcynl: abar !vzcbegnag; }
  22. I love the 21st Century by david_thornley · · Score: 1

    Man, there's always something new and interesting coming up.

    --
    "When you have eliminated the unacceptable, whatever is left, however improbable, must be the truthiness" - Holmes
  23. Kimmel by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

    Had a hilarious spoof on this. They went down to the street and had people put on regular shoes. Then the reporter would ask questions like can you feel the laces getting tighter? They kept upping the ante. Eventually they were telling people they were heated and cooled and had adjustable arch support. Every single person said they were getting warmer, cooler, or firmer in the arches. Hilarious. People are just stupid.

  24. Re:IS THIS FING MARKETING ? IS THIS A CLEVER AD ? by roc97007 · · Score: 1

    If so, it doesn't work very well as an ad. What this tells me is that I'd be crazy to consider the product.

    --
    Oliver's law of assumed responsibility: If you're seen fixing it, you will be blamed for breaking it.
  25. F Nike in the A by nwaack · · Score: 1, Interesting

    Overpriced shoes
    Underpaid workers
    Colin Kaepernick, virtue signalling, SJW'ing
    Zion Williamson's show blowing up
    ...and now this.

    1. Re:F Nike in the A by samwichse · · Score: 1

      I think they mean Nike is using CK to virtue signal, not that CK is virtue signalling.

  26. Not exactly by Ecuador · · Score: 2

    Not exactly, in this case it wasn't an update, but a firmware bug. They missed some bounds checking or something so they players foot ended up beyond the container (shoe) space.

    --
    Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. Polar Scope Align for iOS
  27. When it rains it poors by Tablizer · · Score: 1

    Seems Nike is having software, hardware, and financial problems of late.

  28. Reality has clearly overtaken satire by ffkom · · Score: 4, Insightful

    "Shoes with firmware" are so stupid and hilarious that people would dismiss them as unrealistic nonsense even in a comedy movie.

    1. Re:Reality has clearly overtaken satire by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      Shoes with firmware are okay so long as the firmware support a function non-essential to the use of the shoe as footwear. For example, a GPS built into the show might make sense for certain fitness conscious people or for people who need to be located (very young children, adventurers, mountain climbers).

  29. Re:gah by bobbied · · Score: 1

    The future is stupid.

    The future is NOW!

    --
    "File to fit, pound to insert, paint to match" - Aircraft Maintenance 101
  30. a country boy will survive by Thud457 · · Score: 1

    you've got a good start on a 21st century country song, finish it!

    --

    the preceding comment is my own and in no way reflects the opinion of the Joint Chiefs of Staff

  31. When happens when a shoe gets bricked? by fustakrakich · · Score: 1

    Does it stick to the ground? You can't move? What? Will they replace the classic mafia cinder blocks?

    --
    “He’s not deformed, he’s just drunk!”
    1. Re:When happens when a shoe gets bricked? by gweihir · · Score: 2

      You cannot tie it. Pretty bad ;-)

      --
      Most ACs are not even worth the keystrokes to insult them. Be generically insulted by this and ignored otherwise.
  32. How's this help my workout? by smoot123 · · Score: 1

    I've heard of strapping weights to your ankles to get a more intense workout. Do bricked shoes count? Maybe I should run with real bricks.

  33. Re: wow Justine Bateman didn't age well.... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

    "If you want a Pepsi pal, you're gonna have to pay for it!" :P

  34. New Nike slogan by reboot246 · · Score: 1

    Just glue it!

    1. Re:New Nike slogan by evil_aaronm · · Score: 1

      Wouldn't that be, "Just reboot it!"?

    2. Re:New Nike slogan by evil_aaronm · · Score: 1

      Oh, hey, name checks out. How do ya like that?

  35. LOL .. it's all shit ... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

    Android users report that their new kicks aren't paring with the app properly, and some customers report failed firmware updates for the shoes, which render them unable to pair with the app at all. "My left shoe won't even reboot."

    Dear fucking lord, apps that don't pair, failed firmware, and shoes that won't reboot ... maybe, just maybe, Nike should stick to their core competencies?

    This is just another company pushing out some connected gimmick, and doing a half-ass job of it.

    Why am I betting they outsourced the app and the firmware, and have no idea what they're actually going? Bet in addition to being crap, it's also designed to upload your information like mad.

    No thanks, you can keep your connected shit, I don't need a fucking app to tie my shoes.

  36. Zion Williamson can lose it all scholarship, healt by Joe_Dragon · · Score: 1

    Zion Williamson can lose it all scholarship, healthcare, future in the nba.
    And they don't even need to pay for workers compensation as well.

  37. In Soviet Union Russia by Billly+Gates · · Score: 1

    Shoes tie You!

  38. Let me be among those who say: Hahahahahaha! by gweihir · · Score: 1

    Stupid customers buying from stupid company and getting what they deserve. A rare instance of Karma working.

    --
    Most ACs are not even worth the keystrokes to insult them. Be generically insulted by this and ignored otherwise.
  39. Language Nike used to shoot itself in the foot? by shanen · · Score: 1

    One must ask "What language did Nike use to program shooting itself in the foot?"

    Another obligatory reference: http://www.toodarkpark.org/com...

    (It's a fairly comprehensive list of languages, even including some of the young whippersnappers like Python.)

    --
    Freedom = (Meaningful - Coerced) Choice != (Speech | Beer^2), and sad sock puppets' bad mods avail them naught.
  40. Tee hee by lu-darp · · Score: 1

    ROFL Haven't laughed so hard in days! :-) Reminds me of crap like oh, internet-connected BBQs! turn it on remotely! What could possibly go wrong? Even as a geed the attraction for putting technology where it doesn't belong astounds me. Simple is best.

  41. Re:Isn't tech wonderful! by shortscruffydave · · Score: 1

    Seems to be standard practice nowadays - solve a problem that nobody has, and make a product worse.

  42. 38 days early. by sabbede · · Score: 1

    Wait, it's not an April Fools joke? Are you sure? Doesn't it really have to be? Shouldn't it be?

  43. Once again... by Chris+Mattern · · Score: 1

    "Just because you can, doesn't mean you should."

  44. How things have changed by Stan92057 · · Score: 1

    Man when i was a kid Converse high tops were the Snickers to get. How things have changed.

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    Jack of all trades,master of none
  45. "My left shoe won't even reboot." by rnturn · · Score: 1

    Sounds like something Racter might have come up with.

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    CUR ALLOC 20195.....5804M
  46. Back to the Future by Mr.+Spock · · Score: 1

    Marty McFly would be so proud.

  47. Re:You're the most boring faggot in the world Kend by webmistressrachel · · Score: 1

    Funny mods don't help Karma, and it's a funny quip. Deal with your jealousy some other way, please....

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    This tagline was transcoded to result in at least one smirk. If you experience failure to smirk, please consult your Gen