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At this rate there will be an APP to bang two rocks together

If you suffer any pain it's because you're holding them wrong.

http://rickadams.org/adventure...

The Apple MPW C compiler had a notorious set of error messages (does this count as an Easter egg?). http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jo...

ObRef: http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jo...

Are you sure it wasn't lead poisoning?

when i die, i'd like to go peacefully.
    in my sleep.
        like my grandfather.

not screaming,
    like the passengers in his car...

http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/93q1/carwreck.html

I first saw this circa 1990 in an excerpt from rec.humor.funny on GEnie. Netfunny is the Web version, posted by the original editor, Brad Templeton (interesting fellow, he); copyrights run from 1987-2008. I've tried to find the earliest version but with little success, since dates are not often given at the many sites of quotations a search returns. Of all the versions I've read, this one seems the best but it may simply be because it's the first one I saw, however the phrasing is the simplest, the arrangement the more effective.

Anyway, Europa seems a fine place to explore. The one-way "me, too" thing is so much horse apples; the crowd sourcing of research is novel to me. If humans go, unless it's part of a large expedition that's taking a five-year run or so at the moons of Jupiter and Saturn for example, wait for a decent fusion drive, stay under g, with a trip time of months not years - then come back. (And as for Mars One, I think the more difficult aspects will be production of food (Vegans aside, meat will be needed, earthworms and chickens, so take along a starter kit of Earth soils) and replacement parts. Likely gonna need some vitamins, although trace minerals ought to be available from the land.)

Jokes about this kid getting hurt are about as funny as jokes about the Shuttle Columbia's last re-entry.

Yeap, I agree completely.

Not sure I still have the original; it's from rec.humor.funny back late '80s.
http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/ is the web presence, now, as then, maintained by Brad Templeton.

so I looked it up; it's just the way I remember it, as I sat cackling and chortling at 3am, and for days afterward every time I thought of it.

when i die, i'd like to go peacefully.
    in my sleep.
        like my grandfather.

not screaming,
    like the passengers in his car...

A quiet departure
slosser@mindseye.berkeley.edu (Eric Slosser) (smirk)

http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/93q1/carwreck.html

Not sure I still have the original; it's from rec.humor.funny back late '80s.
http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/ is the web presence, now, as then, maintained by Brad Templeton.

so I looked it up; it's just the way I remember it, as I sat cackling and chortling at 3am, and for days afterward every time I thought of it.

when i die, i'd like to go peacefully.
    in my sleep.
        like my grandfather.

not screaming,
    like the passengers in his car...

A quiet departure
slosser@mindseye.berkeley.edu (Eric Slosser) (smirk)

http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/93q1/carwreck.html

How to install a wireless security system:

Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used work boots, a really big pair. Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine. Put a dog dish beside it, a really big dish. Leave a note on your front door that says something like "Bubba, Big Mike and I have gone to get more ammunition - back in 1/2 an hr. Don't disturb the pit bulls. They've just been wormed and they are a little edgy."

a measureable net savings in terms of resources consumed by the individual.

I think your are preaching to the wrong choir here. The dude owns multiple SUVs because he needs to tow "large trailers and boats"!

Here's a useful guide for you:
How to Identify Where a Driver is From
10. Four-wheel drive pick-up truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna: West Virginia.

I refer you to that well-known product from Good Ol' Boys Systems: The Tenne-C programming language.

Tenne-C

at Miller Beer, it was never our intentions to have someone take more than 2.5 minutes to enjoy one of our beers. We pride ourselves in creating fine, smooth, quick drinking beers and leave the making of sissy, slow sipping beers to that Sam guy in Boston. However, it is good to know that you feel our Miller Lite can last as long as 6 minutes. However, may we suggest in the future you try consuming at least two in that time frame.

The evolution of mathematics education 1980's A farmer sells a bag of potatoes for $10. His production costs are $8 and his profit is $2. Underline the word "potatoes" and discuss with your classmates.

Found the link: http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/93q1/carwreck.html

You can maybe find the original in rec.humor.funny from circa '90; it may also be in the classics section at http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/

If memory serves, it's:

When I die, I want to go peacefully, in my sleep, like my Grandfather.
Not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

I read this back then, about three in the morning, from feed excerpts provided by Darlah on the ST-RT at GEnie. For the next few hours, as I moseyed about in the RT, I chortled every time I though of it. To this day, when I tell it to someone, it's a struggle not to burst out laughing before the end. YMMV

You are standing at the end of a road before a small brick building. Around you is a forest. A small stream flows out of the building and down a gully.

If you've played these games, you understand that they can occupy a unique place in the human psyche. I think Infocom got the point across clearly in their ads. The games are free, play on any platform, challenge you to visualize an environnment, improve your vocabulary, encourage reading and demand comprehension, engage problem-solving skills, give children open-ended control over a world, and are just plain fun.

They've formed a foundation for the way I approach problem-solving and exploration in ways I probably can't grasp. Newer games are introducing some interesting concepts, and others show how powerfully prose can evoke strong emotion. All in a few hours.

Don't forget, they issued an advisory about Independence Day: http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/96/Jul/id42.html -Pete

http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/91q2/babyman.html

One might guess similar jokes have circulated concerning other dictatorships over the years.

I'm going to loose my mod points over this, but one of my interests happens to be Eastern Block humor. (Especially the Polish Eastern bloc joke about the Bank of Moscow)

Many jokes of that time period and area were always word of mouth (for obvious reasons) and many jokes ended up being reworded for the leaders and country it involved. Since there was no official publication of the jokes (as that would be treasonous) no one knew that they were copying each other until the after the 1990's.

example

Honecker and Mielke are discussing their hobbies. (both historical persons in charge of the Stasi in East German)
Honecker: "I collect all the jokes about me that are in circulation."
Mielke: "Then we have almost the same hobby. I collect those who bring the jokes into circulation."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/East_German_jokes

And then the Russian version:

"Comrade Brezhnev, is it true that you collect political jokes?" â" "Yes" â" "And how many have you collected so far?" â" "Three and a half labor camps."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russian_political_jokes

So the OP is most likley right in that he heard an East German version as you hearing a Russian version seperatley.

At least it wasn't a rare Dread Gazebo.

For some reason I (really!) thought I read 'the now perverse replacement language for C'. I was probably thinking of his earlier interview:

http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/98/May/stroustrup.html

Nice try, but did you also read it to the end?

For some reason I (really!) thought I read 'the now perverse replacement language for C'. I was probably thinking of his earlier interview:

http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/98/May/stroustrup.html

(about which Stroustrup is apparently Not Amused: http://www2.research.att.com/~bs/bs_faq.html#IEEE ).

http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/89q2/fish.443.html There are several versions of that old story online - that was the best I could do with a quick google.

The Internet is not a Mall. Sure, there are stores.

If you compare it, the websites are the stores. Internet is a highway to all these stores:

http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/96q1/internet2.html

An interesting update to Mark Twain's "A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling". Authorship of that piece is up for debate, of course, but still funny and worth the read.

Posted anonymously because I have modded this discussion.

If porn stories count, this one would do splendidly : food porn

RMS does not wear a tie. Get over it already. He's not going to wear a UniSuit just for you.

Reminds me of the suggestions for National Condom Week.

Enjoy: First mate, bring me my red shirt!

If your brown pants are a shade of green, are you a Vulcan pirate or a Romulan one?

If you're a PC and you're smoking, you need NOSMOKE.EXE.

(never thought I'd willingly post that old joke, but it's topical, so...)

Whush

lol. you spelled it wrong!

Ummm... you missed the point. Please educate yourself before trying to educate me. ROT13 'was a joke'. http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/rot13.html

^<@<.@*
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Reminds me of the exam for income tax form designers, specifically question 11:
http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/old89/test.830.html

11. POLITICAL SCIENCE

Pick up the phone on the desk beside you and start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects, if any.

I think it's a variation on this old Irish joke.

FUCK 'EM IF THEY CAN'T TAKE A FUCKING JOKE!

If you can't take a joke from Brad Templeton you've definitely got issues ...

rhf - the net's oldest blog (at least if you buy into Brad's theory ;) CmdrTaco might object...

--Q

For the benefit of new readers and the general perspective; an old short-story by Terry Bisson: http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/96q1/meat.html
It's a "must read" if you haven't, just give in and click the link.

It is well known that the fastest way to bootstrap both technology and the economy is with multi-level marketing.

This would have been at least 9.23541235 times funnier if you had 10 slogans. Or you know, whoever wrote the list in the first place. Here's some other fdiv jokes, with these at the bottom.

What I really wanted to say though (and decided to say it here due to your nick) is how did this get tagged 'amiga'? All I remember the Amiga sacrificing was resolution (in that it didn't have much color depth available for most purposes, "back in the day".)

You like me.

You really like me. :-)

That thing is 12 years old now (about as old as my slashdot ID, come to think of it :-), and it crops up at the oddest times.

There are several good references in the actual RFC, which is worth checking out for that reason.

(I post the link to netfunny because they didn't break one of the jokes in a vapid attempt to make the format be correct; Jon accepted that one, but I don't think he edited it.)

Heh, yeah I noticed that.
Reminds me of that cyberpunk parody http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/91q1/ozpunk.html :
I needed to read the X Windows/Motif 1.1 manual, so I came to the bar and asked Ratz to fix the documentation data in liquid form for me. It made a bitter, painful drink, but it was better than spending days turning pages in realspace.

Ratz put a bucket of liquid in front of me.

"I wanted a glass of docs, Ratz. What the hell is this?" I barked.

"Motif don't fit in a glass anymore," he barked back.

I like your sig "Anyone who loves or hates any language, platform, or manufacturer, doesn't know what they're talking about." -- there's so much frickin' negativity and mindless "can do no wrong" praise out there.

What do you expect? John McCain is a puppet of the Jew.

I'm going to go out on a limb here, and give the response most /.ers are probably thinking:

"Fuck you, clown"

(For the 8 of you out there who don't know the reference)

ERIC: I shoot it with my bow (roll to hit). What happened?
ED: There is now a gazebo with an arrow sticking out of it.
ERIC: (Pause) Wasn't it wounded?
ED: OF COURSE NOT, ERIC! IT'S A GAZEBO!
ERIC: (Whimper) But that was a +3 arrow!

I've been trying to figure out why those darn kids keep attacking my gazebo. They've obviously been playing too much D&D! When will they learn to separate games from reality?

Stroustrup really seems to have changed his views on this. In a suppressed interview to IEEE's "Computer" magazine from 1998, Soustrup said "Actually, I was thinking about those days, just before you arrived. Do you remember? Everyone was writing 'C' and, the trouble was, they were pretty damn good at it. Universities got pretty good at teaching it, too. They were turning out competent - I stress the word 'competent' - graduates at a phenomenal rate. That's what caused the problem." The rest of the interview has not yet made wikileaks but can be found at http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/98/May/stroustrup.html.

So... I should turn in Ronald McDonald to Homeland Security??

Oh, no. He's merely a tragic exile and a shell of his former self. He deserves our pity, not our hatred.

His illegitimate daughter, on the other hand, is a clear agent for the powers in McDonaldland. As for Jim Skinner, I think his name suggests his deserved fate....

On that note, an oldie but goodie from the rec.humor.funnies archive "Programming Languages Are Like Women"

\Disclaimer: Not mine, and not necessarily opinions of poster

Well, of course it all depends on definition. Most definitions of weblog require the web, but people seem to have forgotten that when Tim Berners-Lee defined the "web" he did it as a network of protocols, including http and html (which he developed) but also gopher, usenet, ftp and others. URLs were meant to tie them all together.

This puts the blog much further back in time. I personally believe the credit for first blog goes to mod.ber, a moderated newsgroup from 1983 that was effectively similar to boing boing today. Brian E Redman (after whom the group was named) and friends found interesting threads out on the net and posted pointers to them in mod.ber

Most blog definitions also require it be serial. There is some debate as to whether the people who kept running commentaries in their .plan file under finger might have a claim on being an earlier blog.

It's possible that my own rec.humor.funny/netfunny.com may be the longest still-running blog. It is 20 years in two weeks. It is serial, started on the pre-HTML web and like other blogs, has a solo editorial voice.

Some of this history can be found at Wikipedia's blog page and I wrote about RHF's history as the oldest blog with pointers to other contenders.

No, the headline was written by Mujibar....