Slashdot Mirror
Fear and Loathing in the Mess Hall Complex
Flynnhustler writes: "Our upstart videogame culture site, Robot Street Gang, has just posted a new story by seasoned videogame writer Peter Olafson. The story, Stuck, is a
first person account of Olafson's tortuous attempts to beat the PSOne game Alien Resurrection.
If you've ever read his Game Theory columns in the New York Times or his oft linked San Jose Mercury-News piece about gaming after Sept. 11, you
know that Olafson takes a very personal approach to the exeperience of gaming."
First post ?
propz to muh troll brothahs!
It really, REALLY sucks.
How often does the NyTimes pay slashdot to post stories now that they're charging subscription fees?
Why haven't we killed every muslim in the world yet? It would solve at lease 85% of all the problems in the world. Plus they smell.
Allah is shit. I use the Koran as toilet paper. Mohamed is a fucking homo.
saru mo ki kara ochiru
What happened to the good old days of Video Games actually being played for recreation, fun and passing the time?
=(
robotstreetgang.com aisn't coming up for me at all. This has to be a new world record! Does slashdot get an award or something?
F-bacher
James Tiberius Kirk: "Spock, the women on your planet are logical. No other planet in the galaxy can make that claim."
sure its personal, I know of a person that got all dressed up in black, and held a funeral for Aerith in FF7 when she died. :)
Gaming plays a major part of peoples recreation these days, cant expect it not to affect some people
I'm anispeptic, frasmotic, even compunctuous to have caused you such pericombobulation.
I don't care what you say, they don't make the page load any faster!
Hey guys? Look at the front page. Please close your tag!
Just kill all the niggers, jews and towelheads and the world would be a much better place.
Here is a mirror: You're Welcome
Why have I been receiving emails from CmdrTaco, in which he seems to be speaking in some kind of code language?
Good Lord. What is "Taco-snotting?"
Ewwwwww. So, can I stop receiving these emails?
I can't stop receiving these emails from CmdrTaco!?
Have you ever been Taco-Snotted?
That's horrible. Does "Taco-snotting" have anything to do with CmdrTaco's "special taco"?
Does Jon Katz get involved in any of this? I thought he was a paedophile, not a homosexual.
No, thanks. I'm already CmdrTaco's boi toi.
________________________________________
READER COMMENTS
by Anonymous Coward on 2001.12.02 19:01 (#2644105)
this is good shit man
by Dark_Cobra87 on 2001.12.01 23:03 (#2642180)
Oops, forgot to check that Taco-snot option...
by Fecal Troll Matter on 2001.12.01 20:55 (#2641791)
Mmmmmmm, Taco Sauce...
Sig (appended to the end of comments you post, 120 chars)
by ArchieBunker on 2001.12.01 20:19 (#2641679)
I love trolling but this shit is getting old, fast. At least start mixing them up a little bit. How about the 'How OSM was Freed' series?
http://www.naawp.org/
by Anonymous Coward on 2001.12.01 8:37 (#2640602)
Stop posting this! I've got hangover and Taco Snotting doesn't make me feel any better.
I'm really glad that Taco Snotting is illegal here in Europe.
by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.30 1:01 (#2634213)
Get a life you loser! Don't you have anything better to do than insult CmdrTaco and the gay community? We are not perverts, we are human beings just like you. So give it a rest!
by perdida on on 2001.11.27 14:13 (#2618764)
Shut up you asshole.
I am not great, I am merely adequate. I live in adequacy.
by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.26 22:22 (#2616035)
You weiner trool!
by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.25 9:14 (#2609574)
try to find a pic of actual "taco-snotting"! fucking funny it would be! so go to gay porn sites day in and day out until you find a man giving another man a blowjob that has jizz coming out of his nose and mouth. by the way, keep up the good work
by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.23 12:18 (#2603370)
WIPO, this is getting waaaay old, either drop it or revise it.... there've been no updates for days now...
CmdrTaco
by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.22 17:28 (#2600815)
A truly excellent and very humourous troll indeed!
However...
To complete this perverted orgy, fellow geeks Michael, Timothy, and Jamie often join in, dressed in black Gestapo uniforms, jack boots, and leather gloves.
Black GeStaPo uniforms? The GeStaPo (Geheime Staatspolizei - Secret State Police) wore civilian clothes (although there are reports on them occasionally using Allgemeine SS uniforms in occupied territories).
I seriously doubt that perverted individuals like CmdrTaco et al would have the good taste to ever wear the outstandingly beautiful black Waffen SS uniforms! Please update the FAQ accordingly.
by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.23 4:06 (#2602610)
Actually, it appears you are both wrong!! Ah ha!! I think our boy WIPO was thinking of the Allgemeine SS uniforms. Waffen SS were grey.
by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.21 4:49 (#2594325)
oh yeah, you say you have masturbated only 2 times to this post. well, by the time it takes for me to get through reading it, i usually end up masturbated 5 to 6 times, 10 to 12 if i have the goatse.cx homepage loaded up and am looking at it side by side with the slashdot page. my keyboard, hands, mouse, monitor, the underside of my desk and around the floor under my desk are cum soaked and sticky with the man smell i know and love.
by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.21 4:41 (#2594311)
for version 2 you should make a total re-write of the cod...errr...text and add some details about cmdrtaco and the homo-gang's happenings with their coworkers (osdn?) and all of the gay revelry they enjoy and promote. by the way, did i just see cmdrtaco on television promoting the nax hair removal system? i guess after using vaseline in and around his ass he grew quite a ponytail and it had to be removed somehow...ouch!
by TRoLLaXoR on 2001.11.21 3:59 (#2594191)
WIPO, do you notice how few comments you get for anything you write/post/spam nowadays?
-Trollaxor
by sales_worldwide on 2001.11.20 11:53 (#2588488)
You forgot to mention Jon Katz's "docking" games, where he places his chopper head to head with another chap, and rolls the other guys foreskin over his own circumcised end ("docking"), providing him with fantasies of actually having his own forskin
"Making linux GPL was the best thing I ever did" - Torvalds. I'd hate to see the worst thing...
by Fucky the troll on 2001.11.20 11:28 (#2588446)
Woah! When did the WIPO troll get freed? And how the fuck did I miss it?
Excellent FP, sir.
This is a sig virus. Please put me in your sig
by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.20 11:04 (#2588407)
omg that is crapflooding material if i ever saw it!!!!!! and u got a first post!!!! whoot to the wipo troll!!!
by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.19 9:03 (#2583756)
GW...you know we love every hair on your 27 acre ass... and I, for one, would never do anything untowards your graceful demeanor. And you probably have several friends that would love to help you do the bear dance all over my face if I so much as spelled your name wrong. And you know I'd defend your Constitutional right to defame God in heaven. I'd even help fund your education, should you ever decide to take that route. Hell, I'd buy you a tall tepid bear-whiz beer if you were here with me, right now!
But.
Now go stick your shaved head back down inside the woman's toilet, and just to show there's no hard feelings, I'll jump in the tow-truck and drive right over to help you pull it right out...ok?
thanks
by mark knopfler 69 on 2001.11.19 8:25 (#2583695)
I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU SIR. FOR ONE THING, THE E-MAIL FROM CMDRTACO DOES NOT HAVE ENOUGH GRAMMATICAL AND SPELLING MISTAKES. Let's be realistic here, CmdrTaco usually types with one hand, and since he is shaking from jacking off his aim on the keyboard isn't too good. Those e-mails were a little too well written. Sorry boy, you'll have to do better.
by WeatherTroll on 2001.11.19 8:14 (#2583667)
You should update this to say VA Software instead of VA Linux.
by smackmonkey on 2001.11.19 7:06 (#2583510)
Crackhead moderators: this is +5, Hilarious material.
--
CNN declares War on Islam!
Left-wing America declares War on its Civil Liberties!
by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.19 5:40 (#2583336)
This was funny the first 100 times. Now it is getting boring!
by egg troll on 2001.11.18 22:27 (#2582054)
Having masturbated *twice* to this post, I'm still incredibly aroused! Come over for a Taco Snot. I'll be wearing my crotchless Clifford the Big Red Dog outfit!!
For more info check out this
by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.18 12:03 (#2580822)
add more links to goatse and to cowboineal's site to make it better. a link to rotten.com would be nice too
by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.18 12:18 (#2580832)
and a link to michael's site and to jon katz's site if he has one and homo's site. i dont know what else to say. maybe a few links to phallic.org they have nice penis pictures! a link to the planet quake site or whatever. really make the reader feel this faq really answers their questions. oh yeah, and when you talk about cmdrtaco snotting you, say he brought you to "orgasm after sweaty orgasm". describe it more is all i'm saying. and use more italics and bolding! and when you talk about jon katz shitting or whatever have a link to fecal japan on rotten.com
other wise a great job wipo troll! keep up the good work!
by Wil Wheaton on 2001.11.18 6:41 (#2580438)
Hi. Let's be buddies.. butt buddies.
--
WIL WHEATON DOT NET
by dead_puppy on 2001.11.18 5:33 (#2580342)
Here is an e-mail I received a week ago:
From: malda@slashdot.org
To: puppy_dead@hotmail.com
Subject: were where you last friday?
I thought we where supposed to meet at Backdoor's at 8-ish, sugar-lips? You could've at least told me that you could'nt make it! I was even in my favorite pink skirt for you, honey-cup... next time, you could be more considarite and tell me you cant come... bastard.
--
CmdrTaco (malda@slashdot.org)
You finding Ling-Ling's head?
by Big_Ass_Spork on 2001.11.18 4:53 (#2580300)
I do it wrong
Laying here in the shadows of my room, I squint up at my love. My Ms. Portman. I am sore and tired after fucking her for eight solid hours. My chapped and aching dick is soaking in grits to relieve the pain. She gets on her knees and starts lapping the grits up out of the bowl. She places her beautiful hands on my penis and starts to lick the grits off my achy piece.
Massaging my nutsack she....
WAIT, I DO IT WRONG!!!!
Yanking my dick out of her mouth I throw her to the ground and shove it in to her gaping freshly fisted ass. [goatse.cx]
"OH BIG ASS SPORK!! Fuck my ass, fuck my ass good. DEEPER, my stallion, deeper!! Make a Beowulf cluster of sperm on my back!!"
"Imagine a Beowulf cluster of this baby!"
I DO IT WRONG!!!!
---
All your Sporks are belong to Big_Ass_Spork! What you say?! All your Sporks are belo... forget it...
by j0nkatz on 2001.11.17 22:54 (#2579596)
I just heard some sad news on the radio -- famous queerbait Rob Malda was found dead in his Holland home this morning. The details were a bit hazy, but it seems that he drowned in jizz while Taco Snotting his friend Hemos. I'm sure everyone in the
I wanna Open Source sex so it won't be worth a shit either.
by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.15 6:38 (#2567601)
No no no, the correct term for that is "donkey-punch". I have eye-witnessed this amazing eye-popping event demonstrated on unsuspecting hose-monsters by my frat brothers in the past.. .
by AbsoluteRelativity on 2001.11.15 5:31 (#2567457)
The WIPO Troll
Slashdot and the Karma Lottery - News for uber monkeys, by uber monkeys.
by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.13 9:27 (#2557632)
Oh, man that's just sick !
by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.13 9:03 (#2557604)
TELL ME WHERE I CAN GET AN ANONYMOUS proxy please WIPO Troll. Maybe later i will join you in a snotting at my place.
by vikool on 2001.11.13 7:43 (#2557495)
what is this bull shit,i feel offened that some people feel so so senseless to post stuff like these esp when such a tragic incident has occured
by I.T.R.A.R.K. on 2001.11.11 22:38 (#2551890)
Where the fuck do I sign up?!
- I throw rocks at retarded kids
"Adequacy.org: Where congenital stupidity is not an option, but a requirement."
by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.11 21:53 (#2551753)
this shit is hilarious..keep up the good work.
by rockwood on 2001.11.11 21:49 (#2551746)
OMG! That is the most disgusting thing I have ever heard! WHo in their right mind would sit down and waste the time to construct such a replusive story. I guess I'll be skipping lunch and dinner today.. and possibly tomorrow also. The game doesn't affect reality. Reality affects the game.
by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.11 14:43 (#2550701)
dude, this is crap-flood material if i ever saw it.
duuuuuuuuudddddddddddddeeeeeeeee.
by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.11 8:16 (#2550266)
horny_rob_6969@hotmail.com
Ah, so that's what the alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.horny-rob newsgroup is about!
by egg troll on 2001.11.11 5:34 (#2550024)
+5, Arousing
For more info check out this
by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.11 4:39 (#2549891)
WINNER>
by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.11 4:37 (#2549887)
I love you. Why do you use your bitchslapped account, rather than signing up for a new account to post at +1 before getting bitchslapped by the censors here? I guess I should speak for myself, but I don't want to log out and lose all my slashdot customization properties, nor do I want to lose my 50 karma yet.
by Anonymous Coward on 2001.11.09 9:19 (#2542412)
you fucking rock! right down to the expanded cvs id!
WIPO trolls > linux
________________________________________
J. Wipo Troll, Esq.
Crapflooder Associates
Slashdot.org
Theres an article documenting someones attempting at beating a PSOne game... ? That's kinda weird, anyway i like the name of the site so i won't complain.
...it's messing up the rest of the page
*everything* is Orwellian to cats.
Flynnhustler writes "Our upstart videogame culture site, Robot Street Gang, has just...
/. you should tell the guys at the data center or at least link to a very small frontpage with a list of mirrors? It's not like you got slashdotted without warning....
Ok, so maybe the next time you submit a story on your own site to
I find myself humming or whistling a song from FF2, FF3, or Chrono Trigger when I walk to class. I make bad jokes referencing role playing games with my friends... too bad most of them don't know what an rpg is. I play RPG's like I use to read books - they are the only intellectually stimulating games I find anymore (ever?). But when you're out jogging and the music is going off in your head almost ten years after you first played it, you know it's had a big effect on your life.
And think of the life lessons! I know now that if I kill a young girls mother and destroy her town, she'll trust me if I promise to protect her (valuable lesson from FF2).
F-bacher
James Tiberius Kirk: "Spock, the women on your planet are logical. No other planet in the galaxy can make that claim."
close the italics tag you twerp!
+ Donald Gunth
+ Email: dgunth@quicktek.net
"Caffeine is the greatest lubricant ever created." -ESR
-1, Homosexual
when i see you at Linux World Expo at New York... i'm gonna laugh at you for not closing Italics... can you slashdot weenies stop using vi, pico or whatever shit crap you use to edit webpages and use a real tool... like FrontPage?
Get that rats nest off your head, you numbskull -- Wesley Willis
The i tag needs to be closed with a /i tag...
look at the account name:
"CmdrTaco on"
I'd really love to read the link about gaming after September 11.
(subject)
o/~ Join us now and share the software
And I'm reading this because?? Play computer games or don't (I do). but why on earth would I care to read about you playing a game and getting stuck? Will somone please explane to me why in heaven anyone cares about how you sublimated your life to a game?
You would think that slashcode would have implemented a HTML validator and spellchecker by now just by the sheer amount of times /. gets egg on their face from stupid crap like this.
I guess journals are much more important.
Hammer of Truth
Yet another crippling bombshell hit the beleaguered *BSD community when recently IDC confirmed that *BSD accounts for less than a fraction of 1 percent of all servers. Coming on the heels of the latest Netcraft survey which plainly states that *BSD has lost more market share, this news serves to reinforce what we've known all along. *BSD is collapsing in complete disarray, as further exemplified by failing dead last in the recent Sys Admin comprehensive networking test.
You don't need to be a Kreskin to predict *BSD's future. The hand writing is on the wall: *BSD faces a bleak future. In fact there won't be any future at all for *BSD because *BSD is dying. Things are looking very bad for *BSD. As many of us are already aware, *BSD continues to lose market share. Red ink flows like a river of blood. FreeBSD is the most endangered of them all, having lost 93% of its core developers.
Let's keep to the facts and look at the numbers.
OpenBSD leader Theo states that there are 7000 users of OpenBSD. How many users of NetBSD are there? Let's see. The number of OpenBSD versus NetBSD posts on Usenet is roughly in ratio of 5 to 1. Therefore there are about 7000/5 = 1400 NetBSD users. BSD/OS posts on Usenet are about half of the volume of NetBSD posts. Therefore there are about 700 users of BSD/OS. A recent article put FreeBSD at about 80 percent of the *BSD market. Therefore there are (7000+1400+700)*4 = 36400 FreeBSD users. This is consistent with the number of FreeBSD Usenet posts.
Due to the troubles of Walnut Creek, abysmal sales and so on, FreeBSD went out of business and was taken over by BSDI who sell another troubled OS. Now BSDI is also dead, its corpse turned over to yet another charnel house.
All major surveys show that *BSD has steadily declined in market share. *BSD is very sick and its long term survival prospects are very dim. If *BSD is to survive at all it will be among OS hobbyist dabblers. *BSD continues to decay. Nothing short of a miracle could save it at this point in time. For all practical purposes, *BSD is dead.
Fact: *BSD is dead
Post here to protest editor moderation.
Yet another crippling bombshell hit the beleaguered *BSD community when recently IDC confirmed that *BSD accounts for less than a fraction of 1 percent of all servers. Coming on the heels of the latest Netcraft survey which plainly states that *BSD has lost more market share, this news serves to reinforce what we've known all along. *BSD is collapsing in complete disarray, as further exemplified by failing dead last in the recent Sys Admin comprehensive networking test.
You don't need to be a Kreskin to predict *BSD's future. The hand writing is on the wall: *BSD faces a bleak future. In fact there won't be any future at all for *BSD because *BSD is dying. Things are looking very bad for *BSD. As many of us are already aware, *BSD continues to lose market share. Red ink flows like a river of blood. FreeBSD is the most endangered of them all, having lost 93% of its core developers.
Let's keep to the facts and look at the numbers.
OpenBSD leader Theo states that there are 7000 users of OpenBSD. How many users of NetBSD are there? Let's see. The number of OpenBSD versus NetBSD posts on Usenet is roughly in ratio of 5 to 1. Therefore there are about 7000/5 = 1400 NetBSD users. BSD/OS posts on Usenet are about half of the volume of NetBSD posts. Therefore there are about 700 users of BSD/OS. A recent article put FreeBSD at about 80 percent of the *BSD market. Therefore there are (7000+1400+700)*4 = 36400 FreeBSD users. This is consistent with the number of FreeBSD Usenet posts.
Due to the troubles of Walnut Creek, abysmal sales and so on, FreeBSD went out of business and was taken over by BSDI who sell another troubled OS. Now BSDI is also dead, its corpse turned over to yet another charnel house.
All major surveys show that *BSD has steadily declined in market share. *BSD is very sick and its long term survival prospects are very dim. If *BSD is to survive at all it will be among OS hobbyist dabblers. *BSD continues to decay. Nothing short of a miracle could save it at this point in time. For all practical purposes, *BSD is dead.
Fact: *BSD is dead
Post here to protest editor moderation.
With the story /.ed, there aren't as many posts to the story, could it be that people actually want to read the story before posting? No couldn't be...
::Drowns in his own irony::
WikiAfterDark.com It's a sex wiki, go now!
WTF? "Purchase Full Text of Article"
Is anyone else getting this? Has my IP fallen into some kinda white list for people who actually buy stuff across the net? Since when did Slashdot take to linking paid content?
God, I remember whe... Purchase full text of rant
Dave
I write a blog now, you should be afraid.
Important Information For Slashdot Users
:-(. Various remixes of Gaping Anus will include: "Extra Jizz", "Snot Me Baby One More Time", "www.Goatse.cx", and "Once You Taco-Snot, You Can't Stop". I am sure many, many, more are sure to come. I predict this album will be a very hot seller this holiday season, especially with in or out of closet homosexuals, and with those who have no self-respect (Readers of Slashdot).
It has recently come to my attention that the entire Slashdot crew engage in homosexual activities. CmdrTaco is one such person, and has dedicated his life to spreading the ideals of Taco-Snotting while enjoying the benefits of it. For further information on Taco-Snotting please refer to George WIPO Bush's Taco-Snotting FAQ which can be easily found by searching for the Slashdot journal of George WIPO Bush or by looking in the comments of Slashdot articles (Usually modded -1).
It has also come to my attention that CmdrTaco has other interests besides homosexuality (Believe it or not). One such interest includes a budding music career with a song titled "Gaping Anus". The details are sketchy on this topic but I do know that besides the lead vocals of CmdrTaco, it includes Timothy and CowboyNeal (Also members of the Slashdot crew). There has been no release date set for this album or which record label it will be produced under. I believe CmdrTaco is planning to set up his own label, Taco-Snotting Records, with the intention of releasing the song on a cd-single with various remixes as soon as possible (To catch the current popularity of the Taco-Snotting fad). On a side note, I would not believe this fad will ever wear out (like a Snotted-out-geek); I am sorry to say Taco-Snotting is here to stay
Through a good, non-homosexual friend of mine, I have recieved a copy of the lyrics to the Gaping Anus musical composition. Included after the lyrics is a very speical tribute written by yours truely. Perhaps CmdrTaco will ask me to provide the vocals. Please feel free to read the lyrics and post your comments and disgust. E-mail CmdrTaco with this disgust also.
BTW, please do not reply with the intention of flaming me because the lyrics are a rip-off of Insane Clown Posse's "Slim Anus". For more information on ICP and Slim Anus refer here and here. CmdrTaco is the author of this fine musical work and not me. So, it is obviously he who has ripped off ICP and not me. Thank you.
Hi, my name is what?
My name is who?
My name is Gaping Anus
Hi, my name is huh?
My name is what?
My name is the fudgepacker
Hi, my name is what?
My name is who? (Excuse me)
My name is the nutlicker
Hi, my name is what? (Can I have the attention of your ass?)
My name is who?
My name is the buttsniffer
Hi, kids do you like Anus?
I let Linus Torvalds fill up my butt for a chance to be famous (Uh huh)
Wanna copy me and do exactly like I did? (Yeah)
Try Taco-Snotting and get your butt pumped out like I did?
My brains dead weight
I'm tryin to get my head straight
But I can't figure out
Which Slashdot editor I wanna impregnate
Timothy said, "CmdrTaco you a cutie" (Uh huh)
"I'll give you a deal, let me up in that booty" (OK!)
Well since age 12 I felt like I'm someone else
Cause I choked my original self Taco-Snotting him (Yup)
Got pissed off and ripped Pamela Lee's tits off
She don't know how to do Chris D
I'd suck his dick off
Hi, my anus who?
My anus what?
My anus it gets tapped dawg
Hi, my anus (Excuse me)
My anus
My anus every now and then gets plugged up
Hi, my anus (Can I have the attention of your ass?)
My anus
My anus is occasionally reamed out
Hi, my anus who?
My anus what?
My anus really needs to be filled up
My boss wanted to fire me yesterday
I told him to take his pants off, hooked him up, he let me slide
I pinched his ass
He winked at me
He chased me around the desk
I told him "Come and get me!"
Walked in the strip club
Had my jacket zipped up
Flashed the bartender
And I tried to feel his dick up
Extra-terestrial runnin over pedestrians
In a space ship while they screamin at me
Let's just be friends!
99% of my life I was lied to
I just found out my Mom screws more guys than I do (Damn)
I told her I'd grow up to be a famous Taco-Snotter
She met Michael, I couldn't believe it when he slapped her
You know you blew up when the women rush the stands
And try to touch your hands
But I need me a man
This guy at Gay Al's strip club asked for my autograph (Dude can I get your
autograph?)
So I signed it Dear Alan Cox, thanks for the support
Nice ass!
Hi, my name is huh?
My name is who? (Excuse me)
My name is (They call me the pore plugger)
Hi, my name is what?
My name is who?
My name is the inch itcher (Excuse me)
One of Slashdot's homosexuals
They call me the butt itcher
Hi, my name is what?
My name is who?
My name is (I've been called Hemos' butt boy)
Stop the tape this gaylord needs to be locked away (Get him)
Cliff, don't just stand there operate
Or feel up my balls and buttcheeks
Anal lube got my ass greasy for weeks
Stick your manhood between my cheeks (Yup)
Am I coming or going
I can barely decide
I just drank a pint of semen
Dare me to drive? (Go ahead)
All my life I was very deprived
CowboyNeal's butt is too sexy to hide
Take your pants off Neal I don't mind
Clothes rip like the incredible Hulk
I Taco-Snot when I talk
I do any guy that walks
When I was little I used to get so hungry I would throw fits
Sometimes I sit and wish Hemos had a set of tits
CowboyNeal: "Get behind me CmdrTaco and grab me by my hips"
If I do that then I can't kiss you on your lips
By the way if you see my Dad
Ask him if he seen my spread in Gay House Porno Mag
Hi, my anus who?
My anus what?
My anus gets tapped up
Hi, my anus who?
My anus what?
My anus it's always getting plugged up
Hi, my anus who?
My anus what?
My anus occasionally reamed out
My anus it needs to be filled up
Your anus
Your anus
Your anus is always getting plugged
Your anus
Your anus
Your anus is always getting stuffed
You wanna diss us?
We don't even know you you little bitch
You wanna sit there and diss us?
You little bitch I'll slap your face off
That's what happens when you go up against the Slashdot Trolls trick
You little bitch (Laughs)
Gaping Anus!
Go feed somebody.
--------- http://www.ahref.com: a community for web developers http://www.piou.org: yet another blog ---------
Important Information For Slashdot Readers
:-(. Various remixes of Gaping Anus will include: "Extra Jizz", "Snot Me Baby One More Time", "www.Goatse.cx", and "Once You Taco-Snot, You Can't Stop". ;I am sure many, many, more are sure to come. I predict this album will be a very hot seller this holiday season, especially with in or out of closet homosexuals, and with those who have no self-respect (Readers of Slashdot).
It has recently come to my attention that the entire Slashdot crew engage in homosexual activities. CmdrTaco is one such person, and has dedicated his life to spreading the ideals of Taco-Snotting while enjoying the benefits of it. For further information on Taco-Snotting please refer to George WIPO Bush's Taco-Snotting FAQ which can be easily found by searching for the Slashdot journal of George WIPO Bush or by looking in the comments of Slashdot articles (Usually modded -1).
It has also come to my attention that CmdrTaco has other interests besides homosexuality (Believe it or not). One such interest includes a budding music career with a song titled "Gaping Anus". The details are sketchy on this topic but I do know that besides the lead vocals of CmdrTaco, it includes Timothy and CowboyNeal (Also members of the Slashdot crew). There has been no release date set for this album or which record label it will be produced under. I believe CmdrTaco is planning to set up his own label, Taco-Snotting Records, with the intention of releasing the song on a cd-single with various remixes as soon as possible (To catch the current popularity of the Taco-Snotting fad). On a side note, I would not believe this fad will ever wear out (like a Snotted-out-geek); I am sorry to say Taco-Snotting is here to stay
Through a good, non-homosexual friend of mine, I have recieved a copy of the lyrics to the Gaping Anus musical composition. Included after the lyrics is a very speical tribute written by yours truely. Perhaps CmdrTaco will ask me to provide the vocals. Please feel free to read the lyrics and post your comments and disgust. E-mail CmdrTaco with this disgust also.
BTW, please do not reply with the intention of flaming me because the lyrics are a rip-off of Insane Clown Posse's "Slim Anus". For more information on ICP and Slim Anus refer here and here. CmdrTaco is the author of this fine musical work and not me. So, it is obviously he who has ripped off ICP and not me. Thank you.
Hi, my name is what?
My name is who?
My name is Gaping Anus
Hi, my name is huh?
My name is what?
My name is the fudgepacker
Hi, my name is what?
My name is who? (Excuse me)
My name is the nutlicker
Hi, my name is what? (Can I have the attention of your ass?)
My name is who?
My name is the buttsniffer
Hi, kids do you like Anus?
I let Linus Torvalds fill up my butt for a chance to be famous (Uh huh)
Wanna copy me and do exactly like I did? (Yeah)
Try Taco-Snotting and get your butt pumped out like I did?
My brains dead weight
I'm tryin to get my head straight
But I can't figure out
Which Slashdot editor I wanna impregnate
Timothy said, "CmdrTaco you a cutie" (Uh huh)
"I'll give you a deal, let me up in that booty" (OK!)
Well since age 12 I felt like I'm someone else
Cause I choked my original self Taco-Snotting him (Yup)
Got pissed off and ripped Pamela Lee's tits off
She don't know how to do Chris D
I'd suck his dick off
Hi, my anus who?
My anus what?
My anus it gets tapped dawg
Hi, my anus (Excuse me)
My anus
My anus every now and then gets plugged up
Hi, my anus (Can I have the attention of your ass?)
My anus
My anus is occasionally reamed out
Hi, my anus who?
My anus what?
My anus really needs to be filled up
My boss wanted to fire me yesterday
I told him to take his pants off, hooked him up, he let me slide
I pinched his ass
He winked at me
He chased me around the desk
I told him "Come and get me!"
Walked in the strip club
Had my jacket zipped up
Flashed the bartender
And I tried to feel his dick up
Extra-terestrial runnin over pedestrians
In a space ship while they screamin at me
Let's just be friends!
99% of my life I was lied to
I just found out my Mom screws more guys than I do (Damn)
I told her I'd grow up to be a famous Taco-Snotter
She met Michael, I couldn't believe it when he slapped her
You know you blew up when the women rush the stands
And try to touch your hands
But I need me a man
This guy at Gay Al's strip club asked for my autograph (Dude can I get your
autograph?)
So I signed it Dear Alan Cox, thanks for the support
Nice ass!
Hi, my name is huh?
My name is who? (Excuse me)
My name is (They call me the pore plugger)
Hi, my name is what?
My name is who?
My name is the inch itcher (Excuse me)
One of Slashdot's homosexuals
They call me the butt itcher
Hi, my name is what?
My name is who?
My name is (I've been called Hemos' butt boy)
Stop the tape this gaylord needs to be locked away (Get him)
Cliff, don't just stand there operate
Or feel up my balls and buttcheeks
Anal lube got my ass greasy for weeks
Stick your manhood between my cheeks (Yup)
Am I coming or going
I can barely decide
I just drank a pint of semen
Dare me to drive? (Go ahead)
All my life I was very deprived
CowboyNeal's butt is too sexy to hide
Take your pants off Neal I don't mind
Clothes rip like the incredible Hulk
I Taco-Snot when I talk
I do any guy that walks
When I was little I used to get so hungry I would throw fits
Sometimes I sit and wish Hemos had a set of tits
CowboyNeal: "Get behind me CmdrTaco and grab me by my hips"
If I do that then I can't kiss you on your lips
By the way if you see my Dad
Ask him if he seen my spread in Gay House Porno Mag
Hi, my anus who?
My anus what?
My anus gets tapped up
Hi, my anus who?
My anus what?
My anus it's always getting plugged up
Hi, my anus who?
My anus what?
My anus occasionally reamed out
My anus it needs to be filled up
Your anus
Your anus
Your anus is always getting plugged
Your anus
Your anus
Your anus is always getting stuffed
You wanna diss us?
We don't even know you you little bitch
You wanna sit there and diss us?
You little bitch I'll slap your face off
That's what happens when you go up against the Slashdot Trolls trick
You little bitch (Laughs)
Gaping Anus!
Why not document playing a better game, like Metal Gear Solid, or Parasite Eve... or even Puzzle Bobble for God's sake. :)
Important Information For Slashdot Readers
:-(. Various remixes of Gaping Anus will include: "Extra Jizz", "Snot Me Baby One More Time", "www.Goatse.cx", and "Once You Taco-Snot, You Can't Stop". I am sure many, many, more are sure to come. I predict this album will be a very hot seller this holiday season, especially with in or out of closet homosexuals, and with those who have no self-respect (Readers of Slashdot).
It has recently come to my attention that the entire Slashdot crew engage in homosexual activities. CmdrTaco is one such person, and has dedicated his life to spreading the ideals of Taco-Snotting while enjoying the benefits of it. For further information on Taco-Snotting please refer to George WIPO Bush's Taco-Snotting FAQ which can be easily found by searching for the Slashdot journal of George WIPO Bush or by looking in the comments of Slashdot articles (Usually modded -1).
It has also come to my attention that CmdrTaco has other interests besides homosexuality (Believe it or not). One such interest includes a budding music career with a song titled "Gaping Anus". The details are sketchy on this topic but I do know that besides the lead vocals of CmdrTaco, it includes Timothy and CowboyNeal (Also members of the Slashdot crew). There has been no release date set for this album or which record label it will be produced under. I believe CmdrTaco is planning to set up his own label, Taco-Snotting Records, with the intention of releasing the song on a cd-single with various remixes as soon as possible (To catch the current popularity of the Taco-Snotting fad). On a side note, I would not believe this fad will ever wear out (like a Snotted-out-geek); I am sorry to say Taco-Snotting is here to stay
Through a good, non-homosexual friend of mine, I have recieved a copy of the lyrics to the Gaping Anus musical composition. Included after the lyrics is a very speical tribute written by yours truely. Perhaps CmdrTaco will ask me to provide the vocals. Please feel free to read the lyrics and post your comments and disgust. E-mail CmdrTaco with this disgust also.
BTW, please do not reply with the intention of flaming me because the lyrics are a rip-off of Insane Clown Posse's "Slim Anus". For more information on ICP and Slim Anus refer here and here. CmdrTaco is the author of this fine musical work and not me. So, it is obviously he who has ripped off ICP and not me. Thank you.
Hi, my name is what?
My name is who?
My name is Gaping Anus
Hi, my name is huh?
My name is what?
My name is the fudgepacker
Hi, my name is what?
My name is who? (Excuse me)
My name is the nutlicker
Hi, my name is what? (Can I have the attention of your ass?)
My name is who?
My name is the buttsniffer
Hi, kids do you like Anus?
I let Linus Torvalds fill up my butt for a chance to be famous (Uh huh)
Wanna copy me and do exactly like I did? (Yeah)
Try Taco-Snotting and get your butt pumped out like I did?
My brains dead weight
I'm tryin to get my head straight
But I can't figure out
Which Slashdot editor I wanna impregnate
Timothy said, "CmdrTaco you a cutie" (Uh huh)
"I'll give you a deal, let me up in that booty" (OK!)
Well since age 12 I felt like I'm someone else
Cause I choked my original self Taco-Snotting him (Yup)
Got pissed off and ripped Pamela Lee's tits off
She don't know how to do Chris D
I'd suck his dick off
Hi, my anus who?
My anus what?
My anus it gets tapped dawg
Hi, my anus (Excuse me)
My anus
My anus every now and then gets plugged up
Hi, my anus (Can I have the attention of your ass?)
My anus
My anus is occasionally reamed out
Hi, my anus who?
My anus what?
My anus really needs to be filled up
My boss wanted to fire me yesterday
I told him to take his pants off, hooked him up, he let me slide
I pinched his ass
He winked at me
He chased me around the desk
I told him "Come and get me!"
Walked in the strip club
Had my jacket zipped up
Flashed the bartender
And I tried to feel his dick up
Extra-terestrial runnin over pedestrians
In a space ship while they screamin at me
Let's just be friends!
99% of my life I was lied to
I just found out my Mom screws more guys than I do (Damn)
I told her I'd grow up to be a famous Taco-Snotter
She met Michael, I couldn't believe it when he slapped her
You know you blew up when the women rush the stands
And try to touch your hands
But I need me a man
This guy at Gay Al's strip club asked for my autograph (Dude can I get your
autograph?)
So I signed it Dear Alan Cox, thanks for the support
Nice ass!
Hi, my name is huh?
My name is who? (Excuse me)
My name is (They call me the pore plugger)
Hi, my name is what?
My name is who?
My name is the inch itcher (Excuse me)
One of Slashdot's homosexuals
They call me the butt itcher
Hi, my name is what?
My name is who?
My name is (I've been called Hemos' butt boy)
Stop the tape this gaylord needs to be locked away (Get him)
Cliff, don't just stand there operate
Or feel up my balls and buttcheeks
Anal lube got my ass greasy for weeks
Stick your manhood between my cheeks (Yup)
Am I coming or going
I can barely decide
I just drank a pint of semen
Dare me to drive? (Go ahead)
All my life I was very deprived
CowboyNeal's butt is too sexy to hide
Take your pants off Neal I don't mind
Clothes rip like the incredible Hulk
I Taco-Snot when I talk
I do any guy that walks
When I was little I used to get so hungry I would throw fits
Sometimes I sit and wish Hemos had a set of tits
CowboyNeal: "Get behind me CmdrTaco and grab me by my hips"
If I do that then I can't kiss you on your lips
By the way if you see my Dad
Ask him if he seen my spread in Gay House Porno Mag
Hi, my anus who?
My anus what?
My anus gets tapped up
Hi, my anus who?
My anus what?
My anus it's always getting plugged up
Hi, my anus who?
My anus what?
My anus occasionally reamed out
My anus it needs to be filled up
Your anus
Your anus
Your anus is always getting plugged
Your anus
Your anus
Your anus is always getting stuffed
You wanna diss us?
We don't even know you you little bitch
You wanna sit there and diss us?
You little bitch I'll slap your face off
That's what happens when you go up against the Slashdot Trolls trick
You little bitch (Laughs)
Gaping Anus!
Important Information For Slashdot Readers
:-(. Various remixes of Gaping Anus will include: "Extra Jizz", "Snot Me Baby One More Time", "www.Goatse.cx", and "Once You Taco-Snot, You Can't Stop". I am sure many, many, more are sure to come. I predict this album will be a very hot seller this holiday season, especially with in or out of closet homosexuals, and with those who have no self-respect (Readers of Slashdot).
It has recently come to my attention that the entire Slashdot crew engage in homosexual activities. CmdrTaco is one such person, and has dedicated his life to spreading the ideals of Taco-Snotting while enjoying the benefits of it. For further information on Taco-Snotting please refer to George WIPO Bush's Taco-Snotting FAQ which can be easily found by searching for the Slashdot journal of George WIPO Bush or by looking in the comments of Slashdot articles (Usually modded -1).
It has also come to my attention that CmdrTaco has other interests besides homosexuality (Believe it or not). One such interest includes a budding music career with a song titled "Gaping Anus". The details are sketchy on this topic but I do know that besides the lead vocals of CmdrTaco, it includes Timothy and CowboyNeal (Also members of the Slashdot crew). There has been no release date set for this album or which record label it will be produced under. I believe CmdrTaco is planning to set up his own label, Taco-Snotting Records, with the intention of releasing the song on a cd-single with various remixes as soon as possible (To catch the current popularity of the Taco-Snotting fad). On a side note, I would not believe this fad will ever wear out (like a Snotted-out-geek); I am sorry to say Taco-Snotting is here to stay
Through a good, non-homosexual friend of mine, I have recieved a copy of the lyrics to the Gaping Anus musical composition. Included after the lyrics is a very speical tribute written by yours truely. Perhaps CmdrTaco will ask me to provide the vocals. Please feel free to read the lyrics and post your comments and disgust. E-mail CmdrTaco with this disgust also.
BTW, please do not reply with the intention of flaming me because the lyrics are a rip-off of Insane Clown Posse's "Slim Anus". For more information on ICP and Slim Anus refer here and here. CmdrTaco is the author of this fine musical work and not me. So, it is obviously he who has ripped off ICP and not me. Thank you.
Hi, my name is what?
My name is who?
My name is Gaping Anus
Hi, my name is huh?
My name is what?
My name is the fudgepacker
Hi, my name is what?
My name is who? (Excuse me)
My name is the nutlicker
Hi, my name is what? (Can I have the attention of your ass?)
My name is who?
My name is the buttsniffer
Hi, kids do you like Anus?
I let Linus Torvalds fill up my butt for a chance to be famous (Uh huh)
Wanna copy me and do exactly like I did? (Yeah)
Try Taco-Snotting and get your butt pumped out like I did?
My brains dead weight
I'm tryin to get my head straight
But I can't figure out
Which Slashdot editor I wanna impregnate
Timothy said, "CmdrTaco you a cutie" (Uh huh)
"I'll give you a deal, let me up in that booty" (OK!)
Well since age 12 I felt like I'm someone else
Cause I choked my original self Taco-Snotting him (Yup)
Got pissed off and ripped Pamela Lee's tits off
She don't know how to do Chris D
I'd suck his dick off
Hi, my anus who?
My anus what?
My anus it gets tapped dawg
Hi, my anus (Excuse me)
My anus
My anus every now and then gets plugged up
Hi, my anus (Can I have the attention of your ass?)
My anus
My anus is occasionally reamed out
Hi, my anus who?
My anus what?
My anus really needs to be filled up
My boss wanted to fire me yesterday
I told him to take his pants off, hooked him up, he let me slide
I pinched his ass
He winked at me
He chased me around the desk
I told him "Come and get me!"
Walked in the strip club
Had my jacket zipped up
Flashed the bartender
And I tried to feel his dick up
Extra-terestrial runnin over pedestrians
In a space ship while they screamin at me
Let's just be friends!
99% of my life I was lied to
I just found out my Mom screws more guys than I do (Damn)
I told her I'd grow up to be a famous Taco-Snotter
She met Michael, I couldn't believe it when he slapped her
You know you blew up when the women rush the stands
And try to touch your hands
But I need me a man
This guy at Gay Al's strip club asked for my autograph (Dude can I get your
autograph?)
So I signed it Dear Alan Cox, thanks for the support
Nice ass!
Hi, my name is huh?
My name is who? (Excuse me)
My name is (They call me the pore plugger)
Hi, my name is what?
My name is who?
My name is the inch itcher (Excuse me)
One of Slashdot's homosexuals
They call me the butt itcher
Hi, my name is what?
My name is who?
My name is (I've been called Hemos' butt boy)
Stop the tape this gaylord needs to be locked away (Get him)
Cliff, don't just stand there operate
Or feel up my balls and buttcheeks
Anal lube got my ass greasy for weeks
Stick your manhood between my cheeks (Yup)
Am I coming or going
I can barely decide
I just drank a pint of semen
Dare me to drive? (Go ahead)
All my life I was very deprived
CowboyNeal's butt is too sexy to hide
Take your pants off Neal I don't mind
Clothes rip like the incredible Hulk
I Taco-Snot when I talk
I do any guy that walks
When I was little I used to get so hungry I would throw fits
Sometimes I sit and wish Hemos had a set of tits
CowboyNeal: "Get behind me CmdrTaco and grab me by my hips"
If I do that then I can't kiss you on your lips
By the way if you see my Dad
Ask him if he seen my spread in Gay House Porno Mag
Hi, my anus who?
My anus what?
My anus gets tapped up
Hi, my anus who?
My anus what?
My anus it's always getting plugged up
Hi, my anus who?
My anus what?
My anus occasionally reamed out
My anus it needs to be filled up
Your anus
Your anus
Your anus is always getting plugged
Your anus
Your anus
Your anus is always getting stuffed
You wanna diss us?
We don't even know you you little bitch
You wanna sit there and diss us?
You little bitch I'll slap your face off
That's what happens when you go up against the Slashdot Trolls trick
You little bitch (Laughs)
Gaping Anus!
Important Information For Slashdot Readers
:-(. Various remixes of Gaping Anus will include: "Extra Jizz", "Snot Me Baby One More Time", "www.Goatse.cx", and "Once You Taco-Snot, You Can't Stop". I am sure many, many, more are sure to come. I predict this album will be a very hot seller this holiday season, especially with in or out of closet homosexuals, and with those who have no self-respect (Readers of Slashdot).
It has recently come to my attention that the entire Slashdot crew engage in homosexual activities. CmdrTaco is one such person, and has dedicated his life to spreading the ideals of Taco-Snotting while enjoying the benefits of it. For further information on Taco-Snotting please refer to George WIPO Bush's Taco-Snotting FAQ which can be easily found by searching for the Slashdot journal of George WIPO Bush or by looking in the comments of Slashdot articles (Usually modded -1).
It has also come to my attention that CmdrTaco has other interests besides homosexuality (Believe it or not). One such interest includes a budding music career with a song titled "Gaping Anus". The details are sketchy on this topic but I do know that besides the lead vocals of CmdrTaco, it includes Timothy and CowboyNeal (Also members of the Slashdot crew). There has been no release date set for this album or which record label it will be produced under. I believe CmdrTaco is planning to set up his own label, Taco-Snotting Records, with the intention of releasing the song on a cd-single with various remixes as soon as possible (To catch the current popularity of the Taco-Snotting fad). On a side note, I would not believe this fad will ever wear out (like a Snotted-out-geek); I am sorry to say Taco-Snotting is here to stay
Through a good, non-homosexual friend of mine, I have recieved a copy of the lyrics to the Gaping Anus musical composition. Included after the lyrics is a very speical tribute written by yours truely. Perhaps CmdrTaco will ask me to provide the vocals. Please feel free to read the lyrics and post your comments and disgust. E-mail CmdrTaco with this disgust also.
BTW, please do not reply with the intention of flaming me because the lyrics are a rip-off of Insane Clown Posse's "Slim Anus". For more information on ICP and Slim Anus refer here and here. CmdrTaco is the author of this fine musical work and not me. So, it is obviously he who has ripped off ICP and not me. Thank you.
Hi, my name is what?
My name is who?
My name is Gaping Anus
Hi, my name is huh?
My name is what?
My name is the fudgepacker
Hi, my name is what?
My name is who? (Excuse me)
My name is the nutlicker
Hi, my name is what? (Can I have the attention of your ass?)
My name is who?
My name is the buttsniffer
Hi, kids do you like Anus?
I let Linus Torvalds fill up my butt for a chance to be famous (Uh huh)
Wanna copy me and do exactly like I did? (Yeah)
Try Taco-Snotting and get your butt pumped out like I did?
My brains dead weight
I'm tryin to get my head straight
But I can't figure out
Which Slashdot editor I wanna impregnate
Timothy said, "CmdrTaco you a cutie" (Uh huh)
"I'll give you a deal, let me up in that booty" (OK!)
Well since age 12 I felt like I'm someone else
Cause I choked my original self Taco-Snotting him (Yup)
Got pissed off and ripped Pamela Lee's tits off
She don't know how to do Chris D
I'd suck his dick off
Hi, my anus who?
My anus what?
My anus it gets tapped dawg
Hi, my anus (Excuse me)
My anus
My anus every now and then gets plugged up
Hi, my anus (Can I have the attention of your ass?)
My anus
My anus is occasionally reamed out
Hi, my anus who?
My anus what?
My anus really needs to be filled up
My boss wanted to fire me yesterday
I told him to take his pants off, hooked him up, he let me slide
I pinched his ass
He winked at me
He chased me around the desk
I told him "Come and get me!"
Walked in the strip club
Had my jacket zipped up
Flashed the bartender
And I tried to feel his dick up
Extra-terestrial runnin over pedestrians
In a space ship while they screamin at me
Let's just be friends!
99% of my life I was lied to
I just found out my Mom screws more guys than I do (Damn)
I told her I'd grow up to be a famous Taco-Snotter
She met Michael, I couldn't believe it when he slapped her
You know you blew up when the women rush the stands
And try to touch your hands
But I need me a man
This guy at Gay Al's strip club asked for my autograph (Dude can I get your
autograph?)
So I signed it Dear Alan Cox, thanks for the support
Nice ass!
Hi, my name is huh?
My name is who? (Excuse me)
My name is (They call me the pore plugger)
Hi, my name is what?
My name is who?
My name is the inch itcher (Excuse me)
One of Slashdot's homosexuals
They call me the butt itcher
Hi, my name is what?
My name is who?
My name is (I've been called Hemos' butt boy)
Stop the tape this gaylord needs to be locked away (Get him)
Cliff, don't just stand there operate
Or feel up my balls and buttcheeks
Anal lube got my ass greasy for weeks
Stick your manhood between my cheeks (Yup)
Am I coming or going
I can barely decide
I just drank a pint of semen
Dare me to drive? (Go ahead)
All my life I was very deprived
CowboyNeal's butt is too sexy to hide
Take your pants off Neal I don't mind
Clothes rip like the incredible Hulk
I Taco-Snot when I talk
I do any guy that walks
When I was little I used to get so hungry I would throw fits
Sometimes I sit and wish Hemos had a set of tits
CowboyNeal: "Get behind me CmdrTaco and grab me by my hips"
If I do that then I can't kiss you on your lips
By the way if you see my Dad
Ask him if he seen my spread in Gay House Porno Mag
Hi, my anus who?
My anus what?
My anus gets tapped up
Hi, my anus who?
My anus what?
My anus it's always getting plugged up
Hi, my anus who?
My anus what?
My anus occasionally reamed out
My anus it needs to be filled up
Your anus
Your anus
Your anus is always getting plugged
Your anus
Your anus
Your anus is always getting stuffed
You wanna diss us?
We don't even know you you little bitch
You wanna sit there and diss us?
You little bitch I'll slap your face off
That's what happens when you go up against the Slashdot Trolls trick
You little bitch (Laughs)
Gaping Anus!
Important Information For Slashdot Readers
:-(. Various remixes of Gaping Anus will include: "Extra Jizz", "Snot Me Baby One More Time", "www.Goatse.cx", and "Once You Taco-Snot, You Can't Stop". I am sure many, many, more are sure to come. I predict this album will be a very hot seller this holiday season, especially with in or out of closet homosexuals, and with those who have no self-respect (Readers of Slashdot).
It has recently come to my attention that the entire Slashdot crew engage in homosexual activities. CmdrTaco is one such person, and has dedicated his life to spreading the ideals of Taco-Snotting while enjoying the benefits of it. For further information on Taco-Snotting please refer to George WIPO Bush's Taco-Snotting FAQ which can be easily found by searching for the Slashdot journal of George WIPO Bush or by looking in the comments of Slashdot articles (Usually modded -1).
It has also come to my attention that CmdrTaco has other interests besides homosexuality (Believe it or not). One such interest includes a budding music career with a song titled "Gaping Anus". The details are sketchy on this topic but I do know that besides the lead vocals of CmdrTaco, it includes Timothy and CowboyNeal (Also members of the Slashdot crew). There has been no release date set for this album or which record label it will be produced under. I believe CmdrTaco is planning to set up his own label, Taco-Snotting Records, with the intention of releasing the song on a cd-single with various remixes as soon as possible (To catch the current popularity of the Taco-Snotting fad). On a side note, I would not believe this fad will ever wear out (like a Snotted-out-geek); I am sorry to say Taco-Snotting is here to stay
Through a good, non-homosexual friend of mine, I have recieved a copy of the lyrics to the Gaping Anus musical composition. Included after the lyrics is a very speical tribute written by yours truely. Perhaps CmdrTaco will ask me to provide the vocals. Please feel free to read the lyrics and post your comments and disgust. E-mail CmdrTaco with this disgust also.
BTW, please do not reply with the intention of flaming me because the lyrics are a rip-off of Insane Clown Posse's "Slim Anus". For more information on ICP and Slim Anus refer here and here. CmdrTaco is the author of this fine musical work and not me. So, it is obviously he who has ripped off ICP and not me. Thank you.
Hi, my name is what?
My name is who?
My name is Gaping Anus
Hi, my name is huh?
My name is what?
My name is the fudgepacker
Hi, my name is what?
My name is who? (Excuse me)
My name is the nutlicker
Hi, my name is what? (Can I have the attention of your ass?)
My name is who?
My name is the buttsniffer
Hi, kids do you like Anus?
I let Linus Torvalds fill up my butt for a chance to be famous (Uh huh)
Wanna copy me and do exactly like I did? (Yeah)
Try Taco-Snotting and get your butt pumped out like I did?
My brains dead weight
I'm tryin to get my head straight
But I can't figure out
Which Slashdot editor I wanna impregnate
Timothy said, "CmdrTaco you a cutie" (Uh huh)
"I'll give you a deal, let me up in that booty" (OK!)
Well since age 12 I felt like I'm someone else
Cause I choked my original self Taco-Snotting him (Yup)
Got pissed off and ripped Pamela Lee's tits off
She don't know how to do Chris D
I'd suck his dick off
Hi, my anus who?
My anus what?
My anus it gets tapped dawg
Hi, my anus (Excuse me)
My anus
My anus every now and then gets plugged up
Hi, my anus (Can I have the attention of your ass?)
My anus
My anus is occasionally reamed out
Hi, my anus who?
My anus what?
My anus really needs to be filled up
My boss wanted to fire me yesterday
I told him to take his pants off, hooked him up, he let me slide
I pinched his ass
He winked at me
He chased me around the desk
I told him "Come and get me!"
Walked in the strip club
Had my jacket zipped up
Flashed the bartender
And I tried to feel his dick up
Extra-terestrial runnin over pedestrians
In a space ship while they screamin at me
Let's just be friends!
99% of my life I was lied to
I just found out my Mom screws more guys than I do (Damn)
I told her I'd grow up to be a famous Taco-Snotter
She met Michael, I couldn't believe it when he slapped her
You know you blew up when the women rush the stands
And try to touch your hands
But I need me a man
This guy at Gay Al's strip club asked for my autograph (Dude can I get your
autograph?)
So I signed it Dear Alan Cox, thanks for the support
Nice ass!
Hi, my name is huh?
My name is who? (Excuse me)
My name is (They call me the pore plugger)
Hi, my name is what?
My name is who?
My name is the inch itcher (Excuse me)
One of Slashdot's homosexuals
They call me the butt itcher
Hi, my name is what?
My name is who?
My name is (I've been called Hemos' butt boy)
Stop the tape this gaylord needs to be locked away (Get him)
Cliff, don't just stand there operate
Or feel up my balls and buttcheeks
Anal lube got my ass greasy for weeks
Stick your manhood between my cheeks (Yup)
Am I coming or going
I can barely decide
I just drank a pint of semen
Dare me to drive? (Go ahead)
All my life I was very deprived
CowboyNeal's butt is too sexy to hide
Take your pants off Neal I don't mind
Clothes rip like the incredible Hulk
I Taco-Snot when I talk
I do any guy that walks
When I was little I used to get so hungry I would throw fits
Sometimes I sit and wish Hemos had a set of tits
CowboyNeal: "Get behind me CmdrTaco and grab me by my hips"
If I do that then I can't kiss you on your lips
By the way if you see my Dad
Ask him if he seen my spread in Gay House Porno Mag
Hi, my anus who?
My anus what?
My anus gets tapped up
Hi, my anus who?
My anus what?
My anus it's always getting plugged up
Hi, my anus who?
My anus what?
My anus occasionally reamed out
My anus it needs to be filled up
Your anus
Your anus
Your anus is always getting plugged
Your anus
Your anus
Your anus is always getting stuffed
You wanna diss us?
We don't even know you you little bitch
You wanna sit there and diss us?
You little bitch I'll slap your face off
That's what happens when you go up against the Slashdot Trolls trick
You little bitch (Laughs)
Gaping Anus!
Gah...
Potato chips are a by-yourself food.
suicide plz!!
moderators!!! wake up!!!!!
Hi! This is the Sig, blatantly attached to the end of this comment.
A fine troll, much funnier than that lame old taco snotting faq. Heres an old troll repost:
HOW TO BE A NIGGER
- Slink around, shuffling your feet and bobbing your neck like the lazy retard
you are.
- Walk down the middle of the street because you don't know what a sidewalk is
for.
- Hang out at carwashes and mini-marts because everybody knows these are the
best places to be a dope, I mean dope.
- If you're a nigger bitch, shit three nigger babies into the world before 17
years of age. This assures that welfare money will support you, so your
nigger men have more time to commit crimes. Oh yes, make sure each nigger
baby has a different father.
- Bastardize the English language in the name of nigger culture. Make sure
that several terms have multiple meanings and others have ambiguous meanings
and that only 50% of nigger words are even complete words. Real niggers will
know what you're trying to say.
- As a culture, make sure there are always more bucks in prison than in
college at any given time.
- Hang out in packs of 10 to 15 and make sure everyone acts as annoying as
possible. This helps to promote nigger individuality.
- Always talk loud enough so everyone in the 'hood' can fucking hear you, and
if they are niggers, they will know what your saying, bro.
- Wear clothes that are 10 sizes too big, making sure the pants hang off your
ass. Also huge pants facilitate stealing (let me translate that: "it be
easier to lift dat 'box at the Kmart, homes"). If you have to hold them up
while you walk, it only looks badder.
- Park at least 5 junk cars in your yard while being careful not to use the
driveway. It's OK to abandon them in the street as long as it's in front of
someone else's crib.
- Exaggerate every motion, every tonal inflection and grab your dick a lot.
Have red carpet, blue walls, brass and overstuffed furnishings (all rented),
purple bathrooms and keep all windows covered so that no light can enter and
no cops can see in while you...
- Do drugs, sell drugs, make drugs.
- Turn your backyard into a junk yard. If you don't have a backyard, turn
your mother's into a junk yard. Eliminate every blade of grass.
- Travel around leaching off relatives, friends, salvation armies. Abandon
your children with them also.
- Smack your kids and yell at them a lot. Make them feel less than human and
that they have no future, which they don't because they're niggers like you.
- Drink cheap wine and malt liquor every day, forgetting that "malt liquor" is
just fortified cheap beer.
- If you're a nigger buck: fuck anything that moves, no matter how ugly she is.
After two eight-balls, even the ugliest, fattest nigger bitch will look good.
- Be charitable and covet fat, ugly white chicks. After all, they're niggers
too. They can't help being so undesirable to white men that they have to
fraternize with black dudes on a 20/20 trip. And white ho's are a special
trophy too, especially the not so ugly ones.
- Spray paint everything in sight with scribbles that mean nothing to White
people but mean things to fellow niggers (except niggers from another hood
who will probably try to kill you for tresspassing on their turf)
- Use the term "motherfucker" in every sentence. It's one of the most
versatile words in the nigger language, being a noun, verb, adjective and
complete mini-sentence in event you run out of thoughts.
- Stop in the middle of the street, blocking all traffic to converse with
fellow niggers and have complete disregard for everyone else.
- Delay everybody at the checkouts while you and 3 other dudes fumble around
for the $1.42 for the bottle of Magnum.
- Clog isles at Kmart with strollers, bastard kids and your fat selves. If
you're a cashier, never look at or be cordial to a customer and always talk
to other niggers while you ring up the customer.
- Overcharge customers at Taco Bell and pocket the difference.
- Drive your car while slouched so low that you can barely see over the wheel
(gangsta drivin').
- Get a job under affirmative action. Then sit around all day pretending that
you earned the position and that the other co-workers respect you. Whenever
you fuck up, scream "racism!" & hope you get enough Generation X liberals
in the jury.
- Never, I mean NEVER, take any responsibility for your actions. Always blame
others including Asians, Latinos, Mexicans, and especially Whites for your
sorry ass stupid lives.
- Advertise your "nation" (gang) with a bewildering array of colors that mean
nothing to any one but other nig's. Oh yes, if another nig violates your
"nation" i.e. garbage strewn empty lots and burned out tenements, shoot
their ass.
- Look for identity in murderous criminal gangs when you can't find it in
broken nigger homes because your mother was a 15 year old cokewhore and your
father is in jail doing 5 to 15 for pistol whipping a mini-mart cashier.
- Be all concerned with east/west connections, cellular phones, beepers, drive
by's and other trivial bullshit that Whites will never understand anything
about (what's to understand?)
- Lament ghetto gang life while at the same time...
- Listen to rap "music", which glorifies "gangsta" life, crime, drugs, murder,
early death, oppression of women. Rip off other legit music to fabricate rap
music which probably takes an engineering degree to "write" (because of the
technical know-how to operate the machines) while not requiring any music
talent at all. Then get some young criminal scum to perform it, after
changing his name to something stupid like Snoopy Dog. Spell the name of the
group with phonetics and use a number in it because nig's really like that.
At least rap is an opportunity, e.g. for young black criminals to further
their criminal careers. Rap needs only four things to be successful:
a producer, a promoter, a front-man flunky, and MTV to shove it down our throats. Be sure to say absolutely nothing important during the 5 pages of
dialogue in a given rap joint other than "look at how much of a nigger I can
be." Then roll a joint in the joint and think about the joint while stylin'
to the joint.
- Show other lame-ass races the black race is unique by having a
culture/lifestyle that results in diseases/poverty/birth rates for blacks
consistently rising while it falls for the others.
- Fear and loathing of dogs is set in the genes for nig's. Of course bigotry
against blacks is set into the genes of dogs. So be sure to get a dog, tie
it up in the cold and mud and neglect it until it dies. Then start all over
again.
- Always have ten excuses involving hospitals for why you can't pay your
bill. When or if you finally settle up, pull out a big wad of bills out of
the welfare check to do it. Cash must be used because you long ago fucked
up your credit and checking account.
- Cram 5 generations into a two room government apartment and still be able to
neglect your kids.
- Die young. The #1 cause of death for nigger males between 15 and 30 is
murder.
Only the State obtains its revenue by coercion. - Murray Rothbard
19-FEB-94 12:16 Pm Est (1716 Utc)
Nnnn
Date=2/19/94
Type=Correspondent Report
Number=2-153736
Title=Saudi / Extremism (S Only)
Byline=Peyman Pejman
Dateline=Cairo
Content=
Voiced At:
Intro: Members Of One Of Saudi Arabia'S Richest Non-Royal Families Issued A Statement Saturday Condemning A Family Member who Is Believed To Have Financed Several Muslim Extremist Groups In The Middle East. Peyman Pejman Reports From Cairo.
Text: In The Statement Sent To Several Saudi Newspapers, The Bin Laden Family Members Said They Want To Disassociate Themselves From Osama Bin Laden.
Osama Bin Laden Is Believed To Be Living In Sudan And Is Said To Have Been A Main Financial Backer Of The So-Called Afghan Arabs. They Are Muslim Arabs Who Fought Alongside The Afghan Mujahedin Against Soviet Forces In Afghanistan.
The Bin Laden Statement Was Signed By Bakr Mohamed Bin Laden, Osama Bin Laden'S Brother. In Their Statement The Family Said All Family Members -- Whose Number Exceeds 50 -- Would Like To Express Their Regret, Denunciation, And Condemnation For All Acts That Osama Bin Laden May Have Committed, Which, In Their Words, We Do Not Condone And Which We Reject.
Osama Bin Laden Has Been Specially Mentioned In Connection With A Group That Has Committed Several Acts Of Violence In Yemen. The Bin Laden Family Comes Originally From The Southern Part Of Yemen. Some Family Members Emigrated To Saudi Arabia Decades Ago. (Signed)
Neb/Pp/Dw/Jwh
When you choose to purchase a Square game, you are killing gaming by encouraging masturbatory CGI fests and repetitive, no-skillz gaming that will put the nail in the coffin of decent gaming eventually. Box office limpy Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within represented a nadir for video games everywhere. It completes Square's degeneration from a fresh video game developer with new ideas to another maker of incomprehensible sci-fi.
Don't mistake Square's creations as "literary" or "cinematic." They have simply cribbed the worst plots from Saturday morning cartoons, added spikey hair and big blue eyes, and you fucking geeks fell for it! You're paying $50 to play the video game equivalent to "Birdman," which you can see on Boomerang for free.
So in conclusion, get a fucking life and stay away from Square. If not all good video games (Sega, Nintendo, Konami) will die. Good night.
I am a sentient ATM.
the ancient greeks profusely illustrated the ceramic containers they used in daily life. a container intended for wine would depict, appropriately enough, a drunken orgy. when archaeologists dug these items up starting last century, they treated them with the shock and moral outrage that is stereotypical of victorians. the ceramics ended up buried in museum basements. since many scholars couldn't handle acknowledging that the greeks, their role models and intellectual deities, drew pictures of themselves screwing little boys, these riotous views of greek sexual life were largely swept under the rug. for many years, students of the classics were drawing their information on greek homosexuality from plato alone. (plato is boring. go look at the pictures. :-))
the rediscovery of the pictorial evidence has challenged many of our assumptions of greek homosexuality. for instance, the word 'greek' has long been associated with anal penetration. we know now that when greek men screwed little boys, they prefered to do it between the thighs (there's a word for that but i can't remember how to spell it). anal penetration carried with it the connotations of coarseness and general crudity, and people rumored to like it were relentlessly ridiculed.
note that it is a mistake to look back on ancient greece as a golden age of sexual license. there were social strictures just as nasty back then. for instance, socially sanctioned sex seems to have been largely as a tool of domination. older men were expected to seduce younger boys, while sex between two men of the same age carried with it an air of irresponsibility, rebellion, and anti-socialness. nevertheless, many people clearly enjoyed these activities, for we still have pictures of them.
if your school has a decent-sized classics department, you'll probably be able to find books with detailed photographs in your library or book store. since these are scholarly works, you may be able to find catalogs of ancient erotica even in places which restrict distribution of obscene material.
for starters, i recommend the book 'the reign of the phallus' by patricia keuls. you have to wade through pages and pages of polemic to get to, say, the photo of a hellenistic statue of zeus in the form of a huge eagle clutching the handsome boy ganymede in a suggestive position, not to mention the orgy scenes, but i think it's worth the effort.
so now people have a chance not only to rediscover a largely repressed history, but to look at some pretty hot artwork.
A) Our upstart company just acquired its first 128K ISDN line with a K6-2 running at 450mhz! My sister knows MySQL and she's our CEO/CIO/graphic artist! Post our story on slashdot! We swear our site can take the load!
or
B) Anything posted by someone named (Larry) Flynnhustler (Magazine).
*cough*
is here
the slashdot gang are too busy shitting their pants while watching LNUX drop to improve SLASH.
Even though the email says "our", the email address isn't from "@robotstreetgang.com", and the server obviously wasn't ready for a Slashdotting, despite the fact that the owner of the site was supposed to have sent this in. Anyone else wondering whether or not some guy just decided to take his chances at getting a little site that he has a grudge against Slashdotted? After all, making their bandwidth bill take a flying leap is one of the best ways to seriously impact the life of a nameless, faceless person that you have a grudge against on the internet.
::shrug:: Just a thought.
Fear and Loathing in Alien Resurrection
Posted on Thursday, December 13 @ 01:36:13 EST
In this chapter from Peter Olafson's forthcoming book, tentatively titled "The Gaming Life," the author describes his struggles with "Alien Resurrection" for the PSOne, and game design in general...
"Stuck"
By PETER OLAFSON
I was stuck for two months at the end of the Mess Hall Complex level in the game Alien Resurrection. I could not move forward. It just did not seem possible. If I tried to move forward, I died.
This Sony PlayStation shoot-em-up, based on the 1997 movie, was no longer a game. It had become a country-club prison, a tub of cement hardening around my ankles, a strait jacket with just enough give to feel like a suit coat.
After struggling countless hours through the mobs of terrifying creatures that had taken over the giant space vessel USM Auriga, I still hadn't reached the end of this water-logged region--a communications unit at the top of an elevator shaft. While my character, the eighth clone of Ellen Ripley, was in a good health, I couldn't survive if I strayed far from the shadowy room where I'd last saved my game.
It looked as though that long, narrow chamber would be my tomb. In my mind, I'd already become the skeleton that adventurers in movies find in an out of the way place, its back against a wall, its mouth fixed in a permanent scream, a scrawled note in its hand.
My note would have read: "Maybe I should have cheated."
I had done all the conventional things you're supposed to do when stuck in a game. I changed my tactics. I re-explored areas I had already cleared of enemies, shining my flashlight into dark corners and jumping into dark waters in search of shortcuts and supplies. I even peered down from one high perch to verify that the room beneath it was one I had already visited. I got too close to the edge and fell to my death, but I did not really mind. I had satisfied myself that I hadn't missed something important.
But when I sought to move on in the game, it inevitably ended in a rush of claws, teeth and lashing tails, with my back to a what seemed a hopelessly locked door, in my ears the clicking of an empty weapon and then the whine of my vital signs flattening out.
Few things are so frustrating as being stuck in an electronic game. Games aren't about being stuck. A game should be challenging, certainly, but also a source of pleasure and a sanctuary from the numbing routines of daily life. When a game turns into a chore, it begins to lose its purpose as entertainment, becoming part of the real-life world of obstacles.
At some point, every gamer has found himself in these straits: The game you're playing suddenly becomes a wall too high to jump, too slippery to climb, too durable to blow up.
You may become hung up on a mistake in the game's underlying code. A door that should open refuses to open. A character that is supposed to reveal important information remains silent.
A game may demand sustained success over an extended section before it allows you to record a new snapshot of your position.
And, sometimes, a game can simply be very hard to beat-whether because of smart computer opponents or a long learning curve.
Alien Resurrection has a learning curve. It took me a while to master the controls. It allows the player to save the game only at intervals, and the road between those spots, populated by savage creatures inventively positioned, is often long and difficult.
But I was the main problem. I was so close to the obstacle blocking my path for so long that I could no longer see it for what it was.
And, sometimes, I was just too scared to think straight.
In a typical attempt, I materialize where I last saved my game-what looks like a monitoring station of some sort, with a desk at the far end, three chairs and a button on the wall nearby. (A luxury of the hopelessly stuck: I sometimes wonder briefly about the fellow who worked here-this dead, green-suited man with a wound to his stomach and blood on his face--and what he did.)
I push the button (which repairs a control valve farther along on my path), collect the grenade launcher from behind the desk (which just supplements the ammo for the launcher I already have), and take an elevator (down, I think, though this is unclear) to a large, T-shaped room.
It now feels oddly empty. Toward the end of the Mess Hall's middle segment, with which this last segment overlaps, I killed the three aliens here with my pulse rifle-a sort of powered-up M-16--and a handful of facehuggers with my pistol. (These crab-like creatures try to jump on your face and implant an alien embryo. If they succeed, the embryo eventually will burst from your chest, unless first removed using a portable autodoc unit.) The pistol doesn't do much damage, but it never runs out of ammo, and so is the weapon of choice for dealing with these lesser critters and the eggs that hatch them.
In one arm of the "T," I turn a valve freed up by the earlier button pushing. This opens a trapdoor that leads to a flooded tunnel. These doors are open for only a short time. I hurry across the room before it closes again, swim through the tunnel and climb out, with some difficulty, into a large and gloomy chamber with sticky slime on its floor and instruments.
So much slime it makes my skin crawl. I read it a sign that I'm getting close to something unusual.
I'm wrong; it's just for atmosphere. The next "boss" monster is about two levels away. However, sticky slime in any amount is a bad sign in the "Alien" movies, and it is a bad sign here.
A corridor frames the room. I turn the first corner and cross an invisible line. Two aliens are coming; I can hear the swish and thump of their passage in the darkness and see the flicker of their black silhouettes moving in front of distant lights.
Ordinarily, I would shoot them with the pulse rifle or shotgun. But I'm down to one shotgun shell and earlier battles in the T-shaped room wore down my pulse-rifle ammo to a bare handful of rounds. What's left isn't enough to kill in either case, and I don't want to give the aliens an opening by changing weapons in the middle of a fight.
I'll go with grenades-the only ammo I currently have in quantity. If I can hit the lead alien on its trailing edge with a grenade, the blast may take both aliens down.
But this requires meticulous aim and positioning, and, given the speed of the aliens' approach, I can't reliably reproduce the result. So, more often, I advance just far enough to trigger the aliens' appearance and then immediately retreat back into the tunnel. The aliens pursue me, and with them clustered above or just inside the tunnel entrance, a single grenade claims both.
The accommodations here don't always allow me to be this efficient. Rounding the second corner in the corridor produces the same response as the first corner: Two more aliens start toward me. The deeper darkness, and the knowledge that the tunnel door has now closed, shutting off retreat, makes them seem more ferocious, but they are no tougher than the two before them. As before, taking out both with a grenade seems a question of luck as much as skill, and getting past this point on a regular basis usually requires a grenade for each alien.
This is getting expensive in terms of ammo, but I don't see that I have a choice.
However, the victory gives me access to a central enclosure off the corridor. Here, I find a ladder, broken and unclimbable, leading up into darkness, and a crate. I'll have to destroy the crate with a shotgun or heavier weapon to get what's inside: 12 shotgun shells.
I hear three clicks as I walk over the shells to collect them-in my mind, three signals that, this time, I have a chance to survive.
Back in the corridor, I turn the third corner and trigger a third pair of aliens. A change of pace: They are easy targets. They run toward me in close formation and exposing their left sides, and a single grenade hit there takes both down.
A single alien waits in the room beyond, and will leap out when I open the doors. If I'm quick and accurate, I can reduce it to a dollop of green goo with a shotgun blast while it's in mid-leap.
But often as I've reached this point, I'm still thrown off balance by the suddenness and odd angle of the creature's attack and its seeming resistance to my own attacks if it lands intact. In fact, it is no hardier than its fellow aliens; this impression reflects only the nervous distance I've maintained from the creature and my erratic aim when facing it.
This raises a useful point: Alien Resurrection scares me on a regular basis. While the feeling naturally dissipates when I have to play the same chunk of a level again and again, there are empty hallways in the game that I cannot walk down without looking over my shoulder. There are patches of darkness that feel inhabited whether something is actually hiding in them or not. There are doors I hesitate to open.
In places like this, I pause the game to collect myself before I continue.
While this makes playing a thrilling experience, it does not make me play well. I hold the controller too tightly. My thumb rests too heavily on and about the "fire" and "use" buttons and I sometimes nervously use up supplies I'd rather keep. I reload weapons the way some people bite their nails.
In any case, it's in dispatching this lone alien that often I make a key mistake: It can take four or five inaccurate shotgun blasts to achieve what should have taken one, and that's partly fear talking.
Inside the room, I find an elevator door (locked) and beside it a small podium housing a "palm switch." Usually, activating such switches opens a nearby door.
But the elevator door does not open right away. And, in the attempt, I have turned on a spigot. Behind me, aliens are approaching again, and not just one or two.
Near as I can figure, around 10.
Best case, I have enough grenades and shotgun shells to kill eight or nine.
However, the aliens are coming in single file, and, for a while, I can take them on one at a time. I use the second or two before the first bursts into the room to position myself with my back to the elevator door and aim the grenade launcher at the center of the opposing door. This will plant grenades directly at the feet of entering aliens. (If I use it when they're closer, I risk blowing myself up in the process.)
The doors open; I fire; the first alien goes down in a splash of steaming yellow blood. Another appears behind it. I shoot it down as well. Then a third, and after a brief gap (which I use to reload), a fourth, fifth, sixth.
Around this point, I run out of grenades and switch over to shotgun. Still the aliens come, and now I may have to face more than one at a time. Fortunately, I still have a good supply of shotgun shells. The shotgun damages a few aliens and may kill two or three.
But it's not enough; it's never enough. The weapon holds only four rounds and it takes two close-range blasts to bring down an alien. Hence, when I'm reloading or firing at one alien, another may be attacking me freely, and I soon find myself back in the shadowy room where I started. That bloody, green-suited body on the floor might as well be mine.
In the game's eyes, everything I've just done counts for nothing. To beat the level, I will have to do it all over again, minus the mistakes, and then tackle whatever I didn't live to see in earlier attempts.
I did it over again dozens of times. It didn't change much. In some attempts, I managed to save a little more or a little less ammo for the final battle. In some attempts, I got a little further along than in others. Once, in that final battle, the aliens clustered around the entry door and I managed to take out two with a couple of the grenades.
It looked as though I'd made it through alive. I thought the elevator door had opened behind me. I tried to turn around to look, heard a single beep from my motion tracker, and died. I don't think I ever saw what hit me.
I died so many times that I started throwing down the controller and leaving the room, as if the game and I were involved in a bitter quarrel and it had said something unforgivable. I usually came slinking back within a day or two, embarrassed at my twin inabilities to solve the game or resist it. But with the variety of gameplay reduced to small changes in the numbers of grenades and shotgun shells, I started to think about ways to dodge the game: cheating, quitting or just getting rid of it entirely.
I thought about this last one quite a lot, and Alien Resurrection briefly kept company with game-related T-shirts and old books and videos in a bag to be donated to charity. If I didn't have to look at it, I wouldn't be tempted to play it.
This turned out to be a symbolic protest, as I took the game out of the bag a few hours later. It had a hold on me. While I've never thought myself especially good at games, I amazed myself by getting as far as I had in this maddeningly difficult one. (The Mess Hall is about two-thirds of the way through the game.) It had become a point of pride to get through it. I didn't want to surrender
But maybe I could cheat.
I do not usually cheat in games; the last clear memory I have of doing so dates from 1993. I do not say this to assert any special nobility of character, or, conversely, to suggest that there is anything wrong with this sort of cheating. It seems to be deeply ingrained in the electronic gaming culture. (Whenever I search for information about a game on the Web, invariably the first thing I find out is how to cheat in it.) People probably buy many more games than they can finish by conventional means, and need easy ways to fast-forward to the end.
For myself, I'd rather be stuck. In a moment of weakness, I cheated in Alien Resurrection, and it immediately sucked the life out of the game.
It happened at the beginning of the Mess Hall level. I was stuck here almost as long as I was stuck at the end, and, as at level's end, I played this section over and over, figuring I would eventually learn it by heart and find my way through.
This was how I had survived similar trials earlier in the game. Each time, I sensed my skill, health and supplies weren't up to the game's challenges, and each time, I persevered by trying again until I mastered the challenges. Each time, the level seemed to seep into my system, as though by osmosis.
I worked especially hard to finish the first section of the Mess Hall level. Its opening room was so ludicrously hard-three aliens hanging from the ceiling in mid-room and no clear refuge in sight-- I couldn't help but see it as a direct challenge. Game designer to player: "OK, beat this."
It took forever. I even went outside the Mess Hall level to prepare for it, replaying the final battle in the previous, Maximum Security level with a pistol to conserve precious pulse rifle ammunition. (Ripley is also the character in that earlier level, so the stock of ammo she has at its end is carried over to the Mess Hall.)
I found I could further conserve that ammo by crouching in an alcove in the Mess Hall's first room and using the flamethrower. This weapon, for which ammo was plentiful, made the aliens run around madly, rather than standing toe-to-toe with me and attacking.
I slowly learned how to use the grenade launcher I found two rooms away. It's a powerful but volatile weapon that initially killed my character almost as often as it killed aliens.
I learned how to swim, how to take on air while underwater and how aliens behaved there.
And after many, many attempts, I began to make real progress. I did not blow myself up by accidentally detonating a grenade on the surface of a deep pool as I tried to target an alien in its depths. I was not overwhelmed by the stream of aliens that attacked me outside an elevator on the other side of the pool. (Elevators seem to bring out the worst in the aliens.) I was not bushwhacked by a facehugger in the dark little room where I opened the first of the flooded tunnels. I always knew what was coming next, and when and where it would arrive.
One day, all this knowledge seemed to kick in at once. I killed all the aliens, collected all the supplies and swam through a flooded pipes toward a save point. Once I reached it, I could store my progress and begin the game there from this point on.
At the very end of the section, just before I reached the save point, I ran into a problem: I got scared.
I'd had some shaky moments when I swam down the first pipe into a flooded room. This was my first extended experience underwater. The room seemed huge and dark, and a potential repository for enemies. Occasionally I got twisted around, wasn't sure which way was up, and ran out of air.
But heading up the central pipe in the ceiling, I found a large, above-water chamber half-full of alien eggs. I gleefully dismantled them with grenades--it was one of those rare spots where I could wreak havoc and the game didn't seem to fight back aggressively-and turned two valves. This opened a trapdoor atop an adjacent pipe that led to the save point.
This seemed to put me back on track. My confidence was restored. Working from this base, I realized that the flooded room below was relatively small and empty of enemies. It even had some supplies. It was just dark.
I was barely back in the dark water when the motion tracker let out a beep.
I'd half-expected it. The game had responded predictably to my opening this path by sending out an alien to stop me.
I could certainly kill one alien-if indeed it was an alien. I had a hunch it was just a facehugger that had eluded me in the egg room above and somehow slipped unseen into the pipe.
But I couldn't see what it was. I peered through the water back toward where I'd originally entered the room.
Nothing.
Beeep.
I turned on the flashlight. I saw only air bubbles and darkness.
This was starting to freak me out a bit.
Enemies in games rarely have agendas of their own. They just wait around for the player to show up and then do their thing, and I am sure this is what was happening here.
But, at the time, it didn't feel that way. I felt as though this invisible creature was waiting for me to make a move.
I blinked first. I retreated to the egg room to replenish my air supply and to think (I half-hoped this maneuver would lead the creature into ambush; it did not.)
I knew what I needed to do: Leave the relatively safe haven I was occupying just beneath the egg room pipe and hunt the thing down.
But I dreaded the prospect of such a hunt. If the creature found me first, it would probably kill me. If I stumbled upon it and got in first licks with the grenade launcher, the only weapon that works underwater, I would probably kill myself in the process. Either way, I'd have to play through this whole ultra-hard section again from scratch and then deal with my invisible nemesis again-probably with the same result.
I needed to ambush the creature from a distance for the grenade launcher to work its magic, and, hence, decided it was better to wait for it to come to me
I swam back down to the flooded room, planted myself over a stream of air bubbles to keep up my air supply, and I waited.
Beep.
Maybe it needed some prompting. I laid down a spread of grenades in an arc around what I assumed to be the creature's location. bam. Bam. BAM.
Beep.
It flashed on me here that maybe I wasn't facing a simple alien. Maybe something nastier. Something that could absorb grenade damage. (My "boss" alarm kept going off needlessly in the Mess Hall level.)
Suddenly, my confidence was decaying into a scrabbling panic. I was Captain Dallas nervously shooting a flamethrower down the air ducts of the Nostromo in "Alien." I was Corporal Hicks under the atmosphere processor in "Aliens," yelling, "Marines, we are leaving!"
I was leaving in a big hurry: I decided to make a run for the final pipe.
This was plainly a mistake. The trapdoor had long since closed-in my agitation, I'd forgotten that such trapdoors remain open for only a few seconds--and of course this was exactly the event my invisible nemesis had been waiting for. As I turned from the closed trapdoor, my heart sinking at the realization of what I'd done, something large and black swam into view at the bottom of the pipe.
It was just a plain old alien. I aimed the grenade launcher down the tube as it swam toward me, and we died together.
After all I'd been through, it seemed a supreme indignity to get this close to my goal only to have it torn from me at the last moment.
Of course, this happens all the time in games. "Keep the Player Happy" has never been a particular tenet of game design.
But being sensible and determined wasn't getting me anywhere. While the time stamp on my saved games indicated I'd been playing only about seven and a half hours, that reflected only the actual time logged between saves. I must have devoted several times that amount of time to unsuccessful attempts.
After a few variations on this theme-none as scary as the first, and most involving my death at my own hands-annoyance finally took over from determination, and I compounded my mistake and looked up a cheat code online. By pushing buttons on the controller in a certain sequence, I exposed an otherwise hidden menu that allowed my character to become invincible.
Using this cheat, I went all the way through the first section of the Mess Hall without taking even a ding. I escaped my invisible nemesis, and swam up the last pipe to the save point.
I know that I did this because I had the saved game to show for it. But I have no clear memory of actually traveling through this section of the game on the cheat. With some reason: When I was cheating, the game was weightless. It no longer contained me. I was floating above it. When I escaped my nemesis, I felt nothing. When I saved my game, storing this weightlessness for future use, I somehow felt less than nothing. I felt as though I had already died, and had been condemned to haunt the Mess Hall level.
I could have cheated again at the end of the level. No one would know. It would be a secret between the game and me. After all, it's just a game.
But it would nevertheless violate the intricate relationship that I had created between my character and the game over all those hours of play. I wouldn't be me in Alien Resurrection anymore, with my health and my inventory and my experiences. My health would be perfect, my inventory complete, and my experiences meaningless because they wouldn't be policed by the game's hazards.
I couldn't go on playing this way. I couldn't bring myself to use the ill-gotten gains of the saved game to continue. In an act of penance, I erased the offending file, loaded an earlier save of my own making and struggled through this section under my own power.
It took a few days, rather than a few minutes, to get through it, but it gave me back my game and my passion This time, I made it past my nemesis, and even sympathized with the creature, if only slightly, when I saw it had gotten hung up on some piece of equipment. (Then I backed off to a safe distance and killed it with a grenade.)
This time, when I saw the blinking green light of the save point, I felt the gratitude that the marathon runner must feel upon seeing the finish line.
Of course, while I was discarding options like cheating and giving up, I wasn't doing a great job getting through the last section of the Mess Hall on my own. Playing less often, I seemed to be getting worse. I was now dying in comparatively easy battles in the slimy corridor. Frustrated at seeming to slide backward, I started to blame the game itself. It wasn't that I couldn't finish the game. The game could not be finished. And, as if to confirm this rationalization, I stopped playing it.
I didn't give Alien Resurrection away. I don't think I even moved it. I just stopped dealing with it. It remained inside the PlayStation, with the plastic jewel case and manual loose beside it. Other games, papers and bits of office detritus sometimes covered the manual. Cleaning up, I would occasionally stumble across it-feeling initially a mild sense of regret at tasks left undone and later just registering, eye to brain, that it occupied this space.
Quitting was the best thing I could have done. The game drifted slowly out of my life. Indeed, it might have stayed out of my life if my parrot hadn't tried to eat the manual while I was away at Thanksgiving.
Checking the damage, I was curious enough to turn the game on again, and found I had acquired perspective over the three intervening months.
I quickly identified my problem: I'd been using too much ammo in the middle segment of the Mess Hall level--a short, watery region through which I'd breezed on pent-up momentum from the achingly difficult region that preceded it.
"Breezed" is the operative word. I still had a saved game from the start of this section, and should have reexamined my performance here the moment I got stuck. It didn't occur to me; because I played through it quickly, I thought I had played well.
I hadn't played that well. In the first flooded room of the Mess Hall's middle section, I'd nervously fired a grenade at each of two aliens I saw swimming toward me. If I'd waited a few seconds longer, I could have killed both with one.
I didn't need the medical supplies I'd retrieved from the bottom of a watery shaft. Ripley was already in good health and already carrying a number of first-aid and autodoc kits. Skipping this step would save two more grenades--the one I'd used to blow up the boxes and the one I'd used to kill the alien that appeared as I swam back up the shaft.
I hadn't always used the weapon appropriate to the task. The two aliens that dropped down from the ceiling after I left this shaft and climbed a ladder appeared simultaneously and next to each other, and should have been tackled with a single grenade. I'd used the shotgun. It's easy to waste shotgun shells against multiple, moving targets, and I wasted a few here.
Finally, I could re-fight the battles of the T-shaped room on my own terms. When I stepped out of the elevator, the three aliens there always uncurled from their hiding places and advanced on me. Unthinkingly, I had always accepted the challenge.
But if I stepped quickly back into the elevator and hit the button to move to another level, my disappearance seemed to defuse the aliens. If I let a short interval pass, I could take the elevator back down to this room and find them hanging out docilely on the far side. One of them even appeared to be wagging its tail.
If I stayed at the back of the elevator car, they wouldn't see me when the door opened. And if I aimed the grenade launcher just right, I could kill all three with one long, arcing shot, and save about two-thirds of a pulse rifle clip.
By the time I completed this research expedition, and saved my game again, I had one more grenade, 44 more pulse rifle rounds and seven more shotgun rounds than when I'd started.
Now, this is far more thought than people with normal amounts of time on their hands should probably give to a game.
But it did the trick. The new ammo allowed me to use mostly shotgun shells in the slimy corridor, thus saving the pulse rifle ammo and most of the grenades for the big battle before the elevator door.
This time, I cut down all the aliens at a distance in that fight and survived with barely a scratch and with ammo to spare.
It was actually easy.
Trained to expect the worst, I was primed for new threats to follow, but the rest of the level was anticlimactic. At the top of the elevator shaft, I destroyed three eggs and activated the terminal that ended the level and saved my game.
Even before then, I was released from my prison. In the T-shaped room and the flooded tunnel, I moved with the light feet of a player who could see a post-Mess Hall future beginning to unfold before him. Battling aliens in the slimy corridor and at the elevator door, I fired my weapons with the relief of a player who still needed to be good, but no longer had to be perfect.
The Mess Hall is finally out of my system, and I am grateful for it. The hardest level in the hardest action game I have ever played, it is at once my worst defeat and my greatest triumph.
Alien Resurrection is almost out of my system. Since leaving the Mess Hall, I can't seem to slow down. As the character Christie, I tore through the huge Warehouse Complex level that followed, and, as Ripley again, I'm currently making my way rapidly through the Docking Bay. Here, I faced a real boss in the Newborn, a hybrid of human and alien, and dealt with it briskly and efficiently using my new electric gun.
Currently, I'm trying to find my way up a dark hallway where I am repeatedly ambushed by three aliens. But I'm not stuck; I just need to backpedal faster when I see them coming.
Fear still wells up in me occasionally. I felt it riding my upper back, the base of my neck, the top of my skull as I closed in on the third save point in the Warehouse Complex. Too many apparent exits and entrances to watch easily. Too many possibilities for bad things to happen when my back is turned.
Too much darkness.
But, oddly enough, the Newborn, terrifying in the movie, barely scares me in the game. This may have something do with looking directly into its innocent bellybutton rather than its horrific face. (It's an "innie.") And, moving at much greater speed than in the Mess Hall, I'm more in the game and less in my own head, and nothing I can see is as bad as what I've imagined.
I'm still easy and accurate with my weapons, and my feet are still light as I move through strange tunnels, rooms and air ducts. I feel as if they could carry me anywhere. I could run to the end of the level. I could run all the way to the end of the game.
Peter Olafson has been writing about games since 1989. His most recent articles appeared in the New York Times and San Jose Mercury-News. He's currently working on several game-related books-one of which will include this account of being stuck in Alien Resurrection.
Post Comment
.grp file to automatically convert it to a
/m parameter to display
." to view the current
.." to view the root folder.
/select switch is used, the
/select
/e, /root, \\Reports
/select, C:\Windows\Calc.exe
/e, /root,
Lameness filter encountered. Post aborted!
Reason: Please use fewer 'junk' characters.
Microsoft Windows 98 Second Edition
README for Tips and Tricks
April 1999
(c) Copyright Microsoft Corporation, 1999
This document provides complementary or late-breaking
information to supplement the Microsoft Windows 98
Second Edition documentation.
HOW TO USE THIS DOCUMENT
To view Tips.txt on-screen in Notepad, maximize the
Notepad window.
To print Tips.txt, open it in Notepad or another word
processor, and then on the File menu, click Print.
CONTENTS
MISCELLANEOUS TIPS AND TRICKS
MS-DOS COMMAND PROMPT
NOTE: For more tips and keyboard shortcuts, see online
Help.
MISCELLANEOUS TIPS AND TRICKS
Faster Application Launching
Windows 98 can tune your system to launch your applications
faster. To get the best application launch speed, convert
your hard disk to FAT32, and then run the Maintenance wizard
from the System Tools menu. By using this wizard, you can
schedule regular disk defragmentation options that
automatically tune up your application launch times.
Aggressive System Maintenance
For even more aggressive maintenance, after running the
Maintenance wizard, open Task Scheduler and set your tasks to
run every night, with one-half hour intervals between the
start time of each task (Cleanup, then ScanDisk, then Disk
Defragmenter). You may want to check the settings for ScanDisk
to automatically fix errors, too. This way, your system is
ready to go each morning.
Faster Connections to Internet Service Providers
You may be able to reduce the time it takes to connect to
your Internet Service Provider (ISP). Go to the Dial-Up
Networking connection that you use, right-click and select
Properties, and then on the Server Types tab, clear the
check boxes for Log on to Network, NetBEUI, and IPX/SPX
Compatible Protocol. Then verify that you can still connect.
Most ISPs don't use this setting, and it can take up to 60
seconds to time out.
Start Menu Order
With Windows 98, you can drag items around directly on the
Start menu to change the order or which sub-menu an item is
located on. You can also right-click and delete, or see the
properties of the shortcut on the Start menu. You can also
right-click an item and then choose Sort by Name.
Use System Monitor to Monitor Your Connection and
Download Speeds
System Monitor now has parameters for your dial-up networking
connection, including download and upload bytes per second,
so you can monitor the data flow speeds.
Configuration Summary
To print a copy of your system configuration summary, run
the System Information utility from the System Tools menu,
and select Print from the Edit menu.
Sending Objects By Using The SendTo Feature
You can drag any shortcut to the SendTo folder. Shortcuts
can be to a printer, fax, network drive, or Windows program.
To open the SendTo folder, click Start, and then click Run.
In the Open box, type SendTo, and then press ENTER. Use the
right mouse button to drag the item's icon into the SendTo
window. The shortcut appears on the SendTo menu. Right-click
a document or folder icon, click Send To, and then click a
menu item.
For example, you can create a link to Notepad.exe in your
SendTo folder. Then, if you right-click a document, you can
click Send To, and then click Notepad.
Quick View
If Quick View is installed, and if Quick View supports a
particular file format, you can quickly view the contents
of that file by right-clicking it, and then clicking Quick
View.
System Tools
1. Right-click a drive in My Computer, and then click
Properties.
2. Click Disk Cleanup to run the disk cleanup tool for that
drive.
TIP: Click the Tools tab to use ScanDisk, Backup, and
Disk Defragmenter.
Convert Windows 3.1 Program Groups
You can convert Windows 3.1 program groups in two ways:
- Click a
Windows 98 folder.
-OR-
- Run the GRPCONV command with the
a dialog box in which you can select groups to convert.
Open With
To open an associated file with a different program,
hold SHIFT and right-click the file. Click Open With.
Under Choose the program you want to use, click
the program you want to use, and then click OK.
If you don't want all files of this type to be
associated with this program, clear the check box,
Always use this program to open this type of file.
Hotkeys
In Windows 98, hotkeys assigned to shortcuts in the
Start menu or its subfolders can be used to start
programs any time.
Screen Resolution
To quickly change screen resolution for different
applications, right-click anywhere on the desktop,
click Properties, and then click the Settings tab.
Under Screen area, move the slider to the desired
resolution.
If you change screen resolution often, on the Settings
tab, click the Advanced button and then on the General
tab, click the Show settings icon on task bar check box.
You can then double-click the icon to quickly display
the Settings tab.
File Names And Extensions
The following are valid file names for Windows 98
programs:
12345678.ABC (MS-DOS name)
12345678.ABCDEF (no limit on extensions)
123456789012345678901234567890123456789.ABC
(long file name)
1234567890123456789012345678901234567890.ABCDEF
(long file name and long extension)
123456789.ABC.DEF
(long file name with multiple extensions)
This is a valid file name (long names with spaces
that mean something).
To view the MS-DOS name associated with a long file
name, right-click the file, and then click Properties.
Developer's Trick
If you need to restart the taskbar (for example,
after you've changed a registry entry), press
CTRL+ALT+DEL, click Explorer, and then click
End Task. The taskbar is removed and then restarts.
Making A Startup Disk
To create a complete startup disk, click Start,
point to Settings, click Control Panel, and then
double-click Add/Remove Programs. Click the Startup
Disk tab, and then click Create Disk.
Undoing A File Move Or File Rename
If you forget where you just moved a file in Windows
Explorer or accidentally renamed a file, on the Edit
menu, click Undo or press CTRL+Z.
Display Properties
Right-click anywhere on the desktop, and then click
Properties to change the desktop background, screen
saver, appearance, or Web or video settings. To change
your primary display font, change the font on the
Appearance tab.
Taskbar Clock
Place the mouse pointer over taskbar clock to view the
date. Double-click the taskbar clock to set the system
time, date, and time zone. To remove the clock from the
taskbar, right-click the taskbar, and then click
Properties. Click Taskbar Options, and then click to
clear the Show Clock option.
Easy Access To Computer Properties
To view your computer (system) properties, right-click
My Computer and then click Properties. If you have a
Windows button on your keyboard, press WINDOWS+BREAK.
To view Network properties, right-click Network
Neighborhood, and then click Properties.
Using The Keyboard Instead Of A Mouse
You can move the cursor without using the mouse
by turning on MouseKeys. Accessibility Options must
be installed before you can use MouseKeys.
MS-DOS COMMAND PROMPT
Directory Shortcuts
Related directories have the following shortcuts:
. = current directory
.. = parent directory
... = parent directory once removed
.... = parent directory twice removed
For example, if you are in the C:\Windows\System\Viewers
directory, and you enter cd... at the command prompt, the
directory changes to C:\Windows.
Visual Display Of Directory From The Command Prompt
If you are at a command prompt and want a visual display
of a directory (folder), type "start
folder, or "start
Drag File Names To The Command Prompt
You can drag file and folder icons from the desktop or a
folder to a command prompt instead of typing the file or
folder name. The file or folder name is then placed in the
keyboard buffer of the running MS-DOS-based program.
Copy And Paste Information From And To The Command Prompt
Activate the toolbar in the MS-DOS-based program
window to gain point-and-click access to copy, cut,
and paste operations from a Windows-based program to
an MS-DOS-based program. For example, you can copy a
folder shortcut on the screen, and then paste it into
a mail message.
Start Windows-Based Programs From The Command Prompt
You can start Windows-based programs from a command
prompt by typing the name of the program you want to
run, including parameters. For example, to start Notepad,
type "notepad" at the command prompt, and then press ENTER.
You can also start Windows-based programs in batch files.
You can use the Start command at a command prompt to
start a program or open a document. For example, you
can type "C:>start calc.exe."
COMMAND.PIF
To set the properties for an MS-DOS window, open the
PIF folder and edit Command.pif, or find Command.com
and edit the properties there.
DOSKEY
If you want to use DOSKEY in an MS-DOS window without
loading it in Autoexec.bat or creating a startup batch
script, you can specify DOSKEY as the startup batch
file in the program properties. If you decide to use
a different startup batch file, simply move DOSKEY
into this batch file.
Easy Disk Copy From The Desktop
- On your desktop, double-click My Computer,
right-click floppy disk drive icon, and then
click Copy.
- OR -
- You can create a shortcut on the desktop to use for
copying floppy disks. Right-click the desktop, point
to New, and then click Shortcut. In the Create
Shortcut dialog box, type
diskcopy A: A:
to copy a disk (substitute B to use the B drive).
Windows Explorer Switches
Windows Explorer switches are useful in creating
rooted folders:
Explorer [/e,][/root,,] [[]| [/select,
]]
/e Use Explorer view (scope and results
pane view).
The default is open view (results in
pane view only).
/root Specify the object in the "normal" name
space that is used as the root (top level)
for Windows Explorer. The default is the
Desktop folder.
/select The parent folder opens and the specified
object is selected.
The folder or file that Windows Explorer
opens. If the
sub object is highlighted. If the
switch is not used, the folder or file opens
in Explorer. The default is the root.
Examples: Explorer
Opens an Explorer window at \\Reports.
Explorer
Opens a folder at C:\Windows (or activates
one that is currently open), and selects
Calc.exe.
Explorer
\Source\Internal\Design\Users\David\Archive
Opens a folder to the Archive folder. This
is a good way to create a dedicated, remote,
documents archive folder. A link to the
\\Source\Internal\Design\Users\David\Archive
folders can then be placed in the SendTo folder
for quick routing of documents.
Some of you may remember Peter Olafson for writing the gaming column for AmigaWorld magazine, the major American Amiga magazine. In my book, this makes him very, very cool. Nice to see he's writing for the New York Times now. Amiga users were obviously an extremely talented bunch. :)
With this story being up for only 5 hours, 17 people had = +2 ratings of which the top 5 are "funny". Of these, all 5 rip the poster and or /. for the manner in which the story is presented. The remaining comments mostly rip the writer of the story. How about discussing what was written? A whole lot of discussion about the story is being done and not moderated up...
Comment removed based on user account deletion
Comment removed based on user account deletion
By PETER OLAFSON
I was stuck for two months at the end of the Mess Hall Complex level in the game Alien Resurrection. I could not move forward. It just did not seem possible. If I tried to move forward, I died.
This Sony PlayStation shoot-em-up, based on the 1997 movie, was no longer a game. It had become a country-club prison, a tub of cement hardening around my ankles, a strait jacket with just enough give to feel like a suit coat.
After struggling countless hours through the mobs of terrifying creatures that had taken over the giant space vessel USM Auriga, I still hadn't reached the end of this water-logged region--a communications unit at the top of an elevator shaft. While my character, the eighth clone of Ellen Ripley, was in a good health, I couldn't survive if I strayed far from the shadowy room where I'd last saved my game.
It looked as though that long, narrow chamber would be my tomb. In my mind, I'd already become the skeleton that adventurers in movies find in an out of the way place, its back against a wall, its mouth fixed in a permanent scream, a scrawled note in its hand.
My note would have read: "Maybe I should have cheated."
I had done all the conventional things you're supposed to do when stuck in a game. I changed my tactics. I re-explored areas I had already cleared of enemies, shining my flashlight into dark corners and jumping into dark waters in search of shortcuts and supplies. I even peered down from one high perch to verify that the room beneath it was one I had already visited. I got too close to the edge and fell to my death, but I did not really mind. I had satisfied myself that I hadn't missed something important.
But when I sought to move on in the game, it inevitably ended in a rush of claws, teeth and lashing tails, with my back to a what seemed a hopelessly locked door, in my ears the clicking of an empty weapon and then the whine of my vital signs flattening out.
Few things are so frustrating as being stuck in an electronic game. Games aren't about being stuck. A game should be challenging, certainly, but also a source of pleasure and a sanctuary from the numbing routines of daily life. When a game turns into a chore, it begins to lose its purpose as entertainment, becoming part of the real-life world of obstacles.
At some point, every gamer has found himself in these straits: The game you're playing suddenly becomes a wall too high to jump, too slippery to climb, too durable to blow up.
You may become hung up on a mistake in the game's underlying code. A door that should open refuses to open. A character that is supposed to reveal important information remains silent.
A game may demand sustained success over an extended section before it allows you to record a new snapshot of your position.
And, sometimes, a game can simply be very hard to beat- whether because of smart computer opponents or a long learning curve.
Alien Resurrection has a learning curve. It took me a while to master the controls. It allows the player to save the game only at intervals, and the road between those spots, populated by savage creatures inventively positioned, is often long and difficult.
But I was the main problem. I was so close to the obstacle blocking my path for so long that I could no longer see it for what it was.
And, sometimes, I was just too scared to think straight.
In a typical attempt, I materialize where I last saved my game- what looks like a monitoring station of some sort, with a desk at the far end, three chairs and a button on the wall nearby. (A luxury of the hopelessly stuck: I sometimes wonder briefly about the fellow who worked here-this dead, green-suited man with a wound to his stomach and blood on his face--and what he did.)
I push the button (which repairs a control valve farther along on my path), collect the grenade launcher from behind the desk (which just supplements the ammo for the launcher I already have), and take an elevator (down, I think, though this is unclear) to a large, T-shaped room.
It now feels oddly empty. Toward the end of the Mess Hall's middle segment, with which this last segment overlaps, I killed the three aliens here with my pulse rifle-a sort of powered-up M-16--and a handful of facehuggers with my pistol. (These crab- like creatures try to jump on your face and implant an alien embryo. If they succeed, the embryo eventually will burst from your chest, unless first removed using a portable autodoc unit.) The pistol doesn't do much damage, but it never runs out of ammo, and so is the weapon of choice for dealing with these lesser critters and the eggs that hatch them.
In one arm of the "T," I turn a valve freed up by the earlier button pushing. This opens a trapdoor that leads to a flooded tunnel. These doors are open for only a short time. I hurry across the room before it closes again, swim through the tunnel and climb out, with some difficulty, into a large and gloomy chamber with sticky slime on its floor and instruments.
So much slime it makes my skin crawl. I read it a sign that I'm getting close to something unusual.
I'm wrong; it's just for atmosphere. The next "boss" monster is about two levels away. However, sticky slime in any amount is a bad sign in the "Alien" movies, and it is a bad sign here.
A corridor frames the room. I turn the first corner and cross an invisible line. Two aliens are coming; I can hear the swish and thump of their passage in the darkness and see the flicker of their black silhouettes moving in front of distant lights.
Ordinarily, I would shoot them with the pulse rifle or shotgun. But I'm down to one shotgun shell and earlier battles in the T- shaped room wore down my pulse-rifle ammo to a bare handful of rounds. What's left isn't enough to kill in either case, and I don't want to give the aliens an opening by changing weapons in the middle of a fight.
I'll go with grenades-the only ammo I currently have in quantity. If I can hit the lead alien on its trailing edge with a grenade, the blast may take both aliens down.
But this requires meticulous aim and positioning, and, given the speed of the aliens' approach, I can't reliably reproduce the result. So, more often, I advance just far enough to trigger the aliens' appearance and then immediately retreat back into the tunnel. The aliens pursue me, and with them clustered above or just inside the tunnel entrance, a single grenade claims both.
The accommodations here don't always allow me to be this efficient. Rounding the second corner in the corridor produces the same response as the first corner: Two more aliens start toward me. The deeper darkness, and the knowledge that the tunnel door has now closed, shutting off retreat, makes them seem more ferocious, but they are no tougher than the two before them. As before, taking out both with a grenade seems a question of luck as much as skill, and getting past this point on a regular basis usually requires a grenade for each alien.
This is getting expensive in terms of ammo, but I don't see that I have a choice.
However, the victory gives me access to a central enclosure off the corridor. Here, I find a ladder, broken and unclimbable, leading up into darkness, and a crate. I'll have to destroy the crate with a shotgun or heavier weapon to get what's inside: 12 shotgun shells.
I hear three clicks as I walk over the shells to collect them-in my mind, three signals that, this time, I have a chance to survive.
Back in the corridor, I turn the third corner and trigger a third pair of aliens. A change of pace: They are easy targets. They run toward me in close formation and exposing their left sides, and a single grenade hit there takes both down.
A single alien waits in the room beyond, and will leap out when I open the doors. If I'm quick and accurate, I can reduce it to a dollop of green goo with a shotgun blast while it's in mid-leap.
But often as I've reached this point, I'm still thrown off balance by the suddenness and odd angle of the creature's attack and its seeming resistance to my own attacks if it lands intact. In fact, it is no hardier than its fellow aliens; this impression reflects only the nervous distance I've maintained from the creature and my erratic aim when facing it.
GAME THEORY War Game With Intelligent Enemies By PETER OLAFSON SMART SOLDIERS In Medal of Honor Underground, some enemies know when they are being fired upon and take cover, and retreat when their position is compromised. I had a brief but revelatory moment while playing Medal of Honor Underground the other day. Backtracking through an Africa Korps stronghold in search of a first- aid kit, I rounded a corner in what I thought was cleared terrain and walked straight into a German soldier. We stopped and stared at each other. Compared with the ferocious enemies encountered elsewhere in this World War II shoot-'em-up, this fine fellow seemed to lack a certain aggressive diligence, and looking back, I wonder if we could just have kept walking in our own separate directions with no harm done. But suddenly we both seemed to remember what we were doing there, and our mutual indecision quickly resolved itself in a race for our weapons. I'm not sure who made the first move, but I won. The soldier's helmet flew off with a clang, and he dropped to his knees and pitched forward into the dirt. I thought I saw a flash of surprise in his painted eyes as he slumped over in death, but the surprise may have been my own at the remarkable ingenuity exhibited consistently in this Sony PlayStation game. Medal of Honor Underground has many things to recommend it, but one is key: it is familiar. I've met enemies in games who wanted to kill me, and enemies who just wanted to talk, but I've never run into one who didn't seem sure. Familiarity may breed contempt, but in games it can also be a source of comfort. All too often, games are about something unfamiliar. Game designers, yearning to break free of the boundaries of the real world, set us down in strange places and expect us to defend them as enthusiastically as if they were our homes. In a world of broken boundaries, I've come to crave the taste of the conventional. I've often gone hungry. Since Electronic Arts released SEAL Team for the PC in the mid-1990's, only a handful of contemporary combat games have been released: Electronic Arts' Medal of Honor, Nova Logic's three Delta Force games and GT Interactive's Nam and WW II G.I. (G.I. still has the closest thing to a playable version of the wrenching opening sequence of "Saving Private Ryan.") War is hell, and simulated war may not offer the escapism that gamers seek. Our last protracted war left a bitter taste. And recent conflicts in Grenada, Iraq and Serbia have been peculiarly one-sided and so don't exactly lend themselves to simulation. But Medal of Honor Underground whets my appetite for the genre all over again. It is about something real, and it handles it with aplomb. You take up the role of the French Resistance fighter Manon from 1999's Medal of Honor. Working first in France for the Underground in 1940 and later in places as diverse as North Africa, Crete and Germany for the Office of Strategic Services, you perform 22 missions with multiple objectives that range from theft to sabotage to espionage. The enemies do not make these assignments any easier. They are marvelously smart for video-game enemies. The best of them know when they are being fired upon or when someone nearby has been hit, and they quickly take cover. They reach around corners to fire, exposing as little of their bodies as possible. They retreat when their position is compromised. They respond to gunfire and explosions, and even to such innocuous sounds as the clatter when you change weapons. And the game keeps finding new and unexpected ways to impress me. In a mission in which I had to run a gantlet of tanks to reach an airfield, a soldier picked up the grenade I'd just thrown at him and threw it back at me. Later, I found an officer ordering his troops to a forward position and providing covering fire as they did so. I'm barely halfway through Underground -- I'm currently escaping an SS lair -- and I've already seen many things I've rarely seen in games. On top of it, it is grittily realistic without ever being grisly. To be sure, Underground uses location-specific damage: A shot to the head is likely to take an enemy down for the count, while one to an arm or leg will send him reeling. But the game's developer, DreamWorks Interactive, is interested not in the gruesome details of wounding but how soldiers react and the influence your aim has on the flow of battle. At the same time, the designers have recognized that the death of enemies becomes more meaningful if you're given a taste of how enemies behave in life. When I posed as a photographer at an archaeological dig on Crete, soldiers thrust their faces into profile when I pointed my camera at them. Approaching the SS lair, I snuck up on guards to find them smoking cigarettes, chatting in German and using the bathroom. These are subtly affecting moments, and while I did inevitably shoot these soldiers (because, given opportunity, they would shoot me sooner or later), I always hesitated a bit. Even in war, there's just something plain wrong about shooting enemies when they're doing something personal, perhaps because it's so familiar that I can see myself in them. Underground should put developers on notice about what can be achieved with brilliant artificial intelligence and a familiar theme. But it should be one theme among many. Our planet is a fascinating and diverse place, and the human race, ever pushy and inquisitive, has wriggled its way into all sorts of interesting corners and assumed all manner of heroic roles. I'd rather lead a team up the south ridge of Mount Everest than kill another alien. I'd rather troll the blackness of a Pacific trench than swim through another sewer in pursuit of an evildoer. And I'd welcome the challenge of rescuing a sleeping child from a smoky apartment. I've never fought a fire in my life, but I know for a fact that I could fall right into it.
GAME THEORY
War Game With Intelligent Enemies
By PETER OLAFSON
SMART SOLDIERS In Medal of Honor Underground, some enemies know when they are being fired upon and take cover, and retreat when their position is compromised.
I had a brief but revelatory moment while playing Medal of Honor Underground the other day. Backtracking through an Africa Korps stronghold in search of a first- aid kit, I rounded a corner in what I thought was cleared terrain and walked straight into a German soldier.
We stopped and stared at each other. Compared with the ferocious enemies encountered elsewhere in this World War II shoot-'em-up, this fine fellow seemed to lack a certain aggressive diligence, and looking back, I wonder if we could just have kept walking in our own separate directions with no harm done.
But suddenly we both seemed to remember what we were doing there, and our mutual indecision quickly resolved itself in a race for our weapons. I'm not sure who made the first move, but I won. The soldier's helmet flew off with a clang, and he dropped to his knees and pitched forward into the dirt.
I thought I saw a flash of surprise in his painted eyes as he slumped over in death, but the surprise may have been my own at the remarkable ingenuity exhibited consistently in this Sony PlayStation game. Medal of Honor Underground has many things to recommend it, but one is key: it is familiar. I've met enemies in games who wanted to kill me, and enemies who just wanted to talk, but I've never run into one who didn't seem sure.
Familiarity may breed contempt, but in games it can also be a source of comfort. All too often, games are about something unfamiliar. Game designers, yearning to break free of the boundaries of the real world, set us down in strange places and expect us to defend them as enthusiastically as if they were our homes. In a world of broken boundaries, I've come to crave the taste of the conventional.
I've often gone hungry. Since Electronic Arts released SEAL Team for the PC in the mid-1990's, only a handful of contemporary combat games have been released: Electronic Arts' Medal of Honor, Nova Logic's three Delta Force games and GT Interactive's Nam and WW II G.I. (G.I. still has the closest thing to a playable version of the wrenching opening sequence of "Saving Private Ryan.") War is hell, and simulated war may not offer the escapism that gamers seek. Our last protracted war left a bitter taste. And recent conflicts in Grenada, Iraq and Serbia have been peculiarly one-sided and so don't exactly lend themselves to simulation.
But Medal of Honor Underground whets my appetite for the genre all over again. It is about something real, and it handles it with aplomb. You take up the role of the French Resistance fighter Manon from 1999's Medal of Honor. Working first in France for the Underground in 1940 and later in places as diverse as North Africa, Crete and Germany for the Office of Strategic Services, you perform 22 missions with multiple objectives that range from theft to sabotage to espionage.
The enemies do not make these assignments any easier. They are marvelously smart for video-game enemies. The best of them know when they are being fired upon or when someone nearby has been hit, and they quickly take cover. They reach around corners to fire, exposing as little of their bodies as possible. They retreat when their position is compromised. They respond to gunfire and explosions, and even to such innocuous sounds as the clatter when you change weapons.
And the game keeps finding new and unexpected ways to impress me. In a mission in which I had to run a gantlet of tanks to reach an airfield, a soldier picked up the grenade I'd just thrown at him and threw it back at me. Later, I found an officer ordering his troops to a forward position and providing covering fire as they did so. I'm barely halfway through Underground -- I'm currently escaping an SS lair -- and I've already seen many things I've rarely seen in games.
On top of it, it is grittily realistic without ever being grisly. To be sure, Underground uses location-specific damage: A shot to the head is likely to take an enemy down for the count, while one to an arm or leg will send him reeling. But the game's developer, DreamWorks Interactive, is interested not in the gruesome details of wounding but how soldiers react and the influence your aim has on the flow of battle.
At the same time, the designers have recognized that the death of enemies becomes more meaningful if you're given a taste of how enemies behave in life. When I posed as a photographer at an archaeological dig on Crete, soldiers thrust their faces into profile when I pointed my camera at them. Approaching the SS lair, I snuck up on guards to find them smoking cigarettes, chatting in German and using the bathroom. These are subtly affecting moments, and while I did inevitably shoot these soldiers (because, given opportunity, they would shoot me sooner or later), I always hesitated a bit. Even in war, there's just something plain wrong about shooting enemies when they're doing something personal, perhaps because it's so familiar that I can see myself in them.
Underground should put developers on notice about what can be achieved with brilliant artificial intelligence and a familiar theme. But it should be one theme among many. Our planet is a fascinating and diverse place, and the human race, ever pushy and inquisitive, has wriggled its way into all sorts of interesting corners and assumed all manner of heroic roles. I'd rather lead a team up the south ridge of Mount Everest than kill another alien. I'd rather troll the blackness of a Pacific trench than swim through another sewer in pursuit of an evildoer. And I'd welcome the challenge of rescuing a sleeping child from a smoky apartment. I've never fought a fire in my life, but I know for a fact that I could fall right into it.
Medal of Honor Underground, developed by DreamWorks Interactive and published by Electronic Arts; $39.95; for the Sony PlayStation; for teenagers.
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Comment removed based on user account deletion
Wow. Now this is great news. Remind me why I keep coming back here?
Man, while reading the 'Stuck' story, I thought "Man, I remember a similar section of Half-Life which I couldn't get past". But this guy doesn't seem to get the point. He was stuck at a part of the game where he obviously needed more ammo. How hard was that to work out? He said it himself - he couldn't kill all the aliens.
Thing is, it seems like it took him an age to work it out. He'd just saved his game too far down the line.
Best solution - start from an earlier save. If the game only supports one save, then you're gutted, but you've just gotta start the game again from the beginning. He was only like 7.5 hours into the game, so where's the problem? I bet everyone out there has a story where they were stuck on a particular part of a game, took a step back, re-did an earlier bit better than the first time, and cleared their problem. If games didn't have tricky situations where you had to retrace your steps, they would all suck, and you'd complete everything on your first attempt.
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This is why GTA3 is such a successful game I think; there's plenty of challenges- but you aren't forced to do them all at once, in the game's order. And when things do go wrong you don't *have* to reload you can just suck it up and steal another cop car >:) When a mission is to hard there's lots of other things to do...random cab missions or finding a new jump.
Come to think of it, the games I've enjoyed the most are mostly free form games- Elite and X, many RPGs including Daggerfall and EverQuest, Star Control 2 and many others. They all allow the player to decide what happens next at least to some extent.
...but who the fuck cares who this guy beat this game? Fuck.
This is a bit of a spoiler, so you'll probably want to stop reading if you haven't managed to pull up the article yet.
Reading through his account of being trapped with so little ammo, my first thought was "you must have really wasted a lot of ammo beforehand, why not use an earlier save?". I get the feeling that all through the game he was spraying stuff everywhere. Eventually he realized just that - his wall was of his own making (though you could claim poor game design if a normal difficultly level let you get that low on ammo, but I digress...) and by going to an earlier save point and using less ammo early on he had plenty to spare for the part that was killing him.
So, even though the obvious lession is "revert to an earlier save if you are out of resources", I think the real lession here is the old saw "waste not want not". I think that's why I liked Doom so much when it came out, there was nothing like using just a few bullets to coerce a room full of monsters to take each other out!
On a side note, I thought it was odd that he felt so bad about cheating at one point he deleted the save, but used what I would think of as flaws in the game (alien caught on pipes unerwater, and coming back into a room leaving aliens at the far end). To me, exploiting flaws like that is almost the same as cheating or at least seems close enough to me that his treating the two as totally distinct is odd.
"There is more worth loving than we have strength to love." - Brian Jay Stanley
The guy who wrote this, whoever he is, is completely pathetic. Yeah, sometimes I get stuck in a game, but I don't let it RULE MY LIFE.
Just a few days ago I was playing FF3, and I accidently let my ninja character get killed by not waiting for him when my party escaped from the floating continent. Yeah, I was bummed, but I didn't start the game over, which is what this chump would have done.
Hey! Man! Play the game once. Books are much more enjoyable if you just read them once through, then put them away. You don't have to focus on every word of every paragraph of every chapter and get it PERFECT to have a good experience.
- kengineer
I'm not getting http://www.robotstreetgang.com/ at all. And I don't mean my connection ... I don't get how anybody can stand reading about someone playing a game. Never saw that Stienbeck novel on the chess game of '43. I have little time to even read the headlines of Slashdot, let alone read the individual posts, let a lone to moderate, let alone to ... let a lone to work.
Just doesn't make for an interesting read.
I think the karma police are after me
yup. Who the f#ck has time to read such drivel. then again ... who the f#ck has time to write such drivel.
... Go hump your sister. I *might* read that!
Writing about games is masturbation
I think the karma police are after me
I recently purchased and played through System Shock 2, which is quite a difficult game, actually (even on "Normal") and I realized that instead of the casual, "kill some but run from most" style I was used to, I was lapsing into the perfectionist mode.
However, thinking about it more lead me to conclude that the difficulty of the game forced you to save after every successful deed, as if it was part of the game design or something. After a while, hitting quick save and quick reload became reflexive, and the loading bar became the majority of my game experience.
The problem with FPS, I think, is giving the player far too much control and leaving almost nothing up to chance. I mean, in a RTS no saved game plays out the same -- the little critters or machines don't move/die/kill exactly the same each time, so it's not like you can blame yourself. However, the RTS is built for twitchy people, and twitchy people alone dominate the Counterstrike servers.
That being the case, I think that's why the cheating struck him as wrong. He wanted to prove his skill to himself. Cheating in a RTS game would mean something else entirely, but in a FPS it's like your not really playing. Everything feels cheapened.
I totally forgot what my point was, actually. -1, braindead.
[pink beam of light]
vim actually *does* show non-closed italics tags (same for emacs, which also has a preview mode if the right extensions are in use). If the folks in question are behind enough to be using vi or lame 'nuff to be using pico, otoh, they get what they deserve.