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Annual NORAD Santa Tracker Up And Running
SumDeusExMachina writes: "NORAD is at it once again folks! You can track Santa as he travels across the globe via a nifty Real Media stream." Apparently, this guy has been making some changes up North, too, including stealth technology, so I hope the radar tracks.
I am the lizard king... please lick my nuts. and merry christmas
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She moaned as his cock slid home. Thick and long, she had been
dreaming about his hard-on for weeks. When she left for college she
hadn't known that Greg was bigger than most guys, but, based on the
guys she'd tried at school, and the girls she'd talked to, he was.
She could feel herself unwinding with each stroke. She really needed
this boning. She matched his rhythm, pushing her hips up to meet his
downstrokes. Her legs wrapped around him, her muscles flexing in time
with his fucking, helping him drive it deep. She came hard, her cunt
spasming around his rod, her body surging up against his.
Greg was
looking into her eyes when she came. She always opened her eyes at
that moment. Her lust pushed him to the edge. He thrust into her
several more times, then pushed in deep, cuming hard into Marcia's
tight, hot pussy. He'd had other girls, but there was something
special about Marcia. Tight, hot and gorgeous, he always came harder
and longer when he fucked her. And she enjoyed it as much as he
did. She really liked fucking and sucking his big, stiff prick.
He pulled out of her and rolled off, his still erect cock slapping his
stomach when he landed on his back. Marcia snuggled up against him,
warm and happy. She reached for his cock, just holding it, stroking
it slowly to keep it hard while they caught their breath. That was
another great thing about Greg that she hadn't appreciated before. He
never went soft right away, and never dropped off to sleep right
after. He was always good for a second ride.
She stroked his cock, squeezing on the upstroke. She could see the big
purple head swell, she could feel the shaft throb occasionally. She
slid toward his waist, put her left arm across his body, rested
against his firm, flat stomach. His cock was only inches from her
mouth. Her right hand wrapped around the base, gently squeezing. Her
fingers massaged the area below his balls, causing his rod to swell
even more, forcing a large drop of clear liquid out of his
cockhole. Her tongue darted out, licking him clean. She loved the way
he tasted. She opened her mouth wide and took him in. Her tongue
played along the sensitive underside, her cheeks caved in around the
head as she sucked. Several inches of shaft slid into her mouth as she
sucked, but most of his tool remained on the outside. She had never
been able to get much of his monster into her mouth, but she always
tried. She began fisting his shaft, sucking on the upstroke, releasing
on the down. When his hips began to buck beneath her she knew he was
getting close. She began pumping him faster, sucking harder, literally
jacking him off into her mouth. When she felt him swell she stroked
him hard and fast, then just sucked as the hot cum shot out of his
prick and into the back of her throat. She sucked and swallowed,
drinking his jiz, wanting every drop. When he had finished she
removed him from her mouth, then gently licked his shaft and head,
making sure he was clean. This time Greg softened, but didn't go
completely limp. He was enlarged, but not fully erect.
Marcia turned toward him, moved one leg across his chest so that she
straddled him, and moved her steaming snatch toward his waiting
mouth. Greg's strong hands gripped her ass cheeks, pulling her towards
him. His tongue pushed her cunt lips apart. She could feel him licking
and sucking, feel his fingers and tongue probing her. Marcia stroked
her small, firm tits, pinching the nipples, pulling on them. Her
pussy throbbing, she pulled Greg's head tighter against her cunt. She
knew she was losing control. His tongue flicked across her clit,
triggering her orgasm, starting the avalanche that left her breathless
and trembling.
Bobby and Cindy were 14. While both had masturbated, neither was
really sure what sex was all about. That's why they were hiding in the
closet in Marcia's room. They had watched everything Greg and Marcia
had done, and were more than ready to give it a try. Bobby's almost
hairless cock had gotten hard before Greg had even mounted Marcia, and
it was still hard. Cindy's virgin pussy was so wet her panties were
soaked. As soon as Marcia and Greg were gone, they rushed out of the
closet and fell onto the bed. They had stripped while they watched,
but were too afraid of making noise to do anything.
Bobby pulled Cindy close, kissed her eyes and mouth the way he'd seen
Greg kiss Marcia. He moved down to Cindy's tiny, barely bulging
titties and began to lick and suck the nipples. They hardened even
more, which surprised him. He hadn't known that would happen.
Cindy held Bobby's cock gently. It was her first, and she wasn't sure
it wouldn't break. Bobby covered her hand with his and squeezed, then
stroked his shaft, showing her how to jack his dick. She stroked it a
few times on her own, liking the way it felt in her hand.
They skipped the rest of the foreplay they had seen. Both were eager
to fuck. But Cindy was a virgin, and they both knew a girls first fuck
could be painful. Cindy liked Bobby, trusted him, wanted him to be her
first. She lay on her back, her face framed by blond curls, her
lightly haired snatch a slightly darker blonde. She spread her legs
wide, fingered herself for a moment, letting Bobby look at her
pussy. Bobby stretched out above her, his knees between her legs, his
arms supporting his weight, his young, hard cock touching her
belly. Cindy took hold of his tool, guided it to her cunt, helped him
enter her. He entered slowly, stopping when Cindy flinched. He started
to backup, not wanting to hurt her. She grabbed his ass with both
hands, pulled him hard towards herself, felt a tearing pain in her
cunt. She buried her face in his shoulder, stifling a scream. She
told him not to move, told him that she had been told the pain would
go away in a few minutes.
Bobby lay quietly on top of her, not moving, feeling a pussy wrapped
around his dick for the first time. It was so much better than his
hand. He remained still, looking into Cindy's face, waiting. On
impulse he kissed her again, pushing his tongue into her mouth. After
a moment she responded, kissing back, tongue sliding over tongue.
Cindy broke the kiss, began pushing her hips up against him, telling
him it was ok. He began slowly, thinking that the pain might come
back, and not wanting his cock to slip out. He pulled back slowly,
thrust in slowly, watching her face all the time. She smiled when he
was all the way inside, which Bobby took to mean he could fuck her the
way Greg had fucked Marcia. Gradually he began to move faster, pumping
his cock into her tight young pussy. She matched his rhythm, thrusting
her hips in time with his thrusts.
Cindy was going crazy. Her body had never felt like this before. Her
nipples were on fire, her cunt muscles were rippling around the shaft
inside it. She felt her whole body clench, felt herself thrust upward.
She felt the spasms begin in her pussy, felt it tighten and relax
around Bobby's prick. She fell into her orgasm, moaning and pounding
her fists into Bobby's back, finally pulling him in as deep as
possible, holding him there until she finished.
Bobby began pounding hard now, his hips pistoning into the pussy
beneath him. He could feel his cock swelling even more, feel it
throbbing until finally he began to cum, pouring shot after shot into
Cindy's tightness. Pumping hard, he pushed in ball deep and stayed
there until his cock had emptied.
They lay side by side, whispering together about the things each had
felt. As they talked, Bobby got hard again. Time for round two. They
had seen Marcia blow Greg, so they assumed the same positions, Cindy
lying across Bobby.
Bobby could feel her holding his cock, watched as the back of her head
moved toward it. He felt something warm and wet touch the head, knew
she was licking him. Her lips closed around the head, engulfing him in
warmth. He could feel her tongue against his cock, feel the inside of
her cheeks as she sucked.
Cindy held it in her mouth. Her tongue explored it, tasting him, but
she knew she was tasting herself, too. His cum and her pussy juice
were still on his cock. She thought it tasted a little funny at first,
but the more she licked, the more she liked. She began sucking in
earnest, wanting more dick juice. As she sucked, she realized much
more of Bobby's rod was sliding in and out of her mouth than Marcia
had managed with Greg. In fact, a couple of times she was sure she had
felt his balls banging her chin. The thought of being better at this
than Marcia excited her, drove her try even harder. She started
sucking harder, pulling most of it into her mouth every time. She
discovered that if she held her head just right, she could take him
into the back of her throat and hold him there, his entire cock in her
mouth. She practised this, noticing the effect it had on Bobby, who
was trying very hard to fuck her mouth. His hips kept thrusting upward
whenever she sucked. She began sucking harder, pulling his cock in
faster, then squeezing it with her lips on its way out. She was
jacking him off with her mouth, in and out, fast and hard. She felt
him tense beneath her, felt the cock in her mouth swell, and then he
began to cum. It was hot in her mouth, with a tangy sort of taste and
a creamy texture. She liked it hot. She swallowed and sucked, trying
to get it all. When Bobby was done she released his cock, licking the
shaft , cleaning it the way she had seen Marcia do it.
They both heard the car pull in, which meant Marcia and Greg were
back. They dressed quickly, then went out in the back yard.
Jan and Peter were in the basement, fucking their little brains
out. Peter's manic thrusting had already gotten Jan off several times,
and was well on the way to getting her off again. This time Jan was on
her hands and knees, her big boobs swinging as Peter slammed in and
out of her juicy snatch. She loved doing the doggie, she always got
off real good this way. Peter took long, hard strokes, pulling all the
way back and slamming in, which was exactly the way Jan wanted it. He
liked power fucking, and Jan liked being fucked that way. When her
back arched Peter knew she was about to cum, so he drove it in as hard
as he could and held it there, letting her spasm around his pole,
feeling her cunt tighten and relax around him. When she finished he
pulled out, still hard. She knew he would. The only time Peter would
doggie fuck was when he got to plow her butt.
His cock slick with pussy juice, he immediatly began easing it into
her ass, pushing just hard enough to pop the head past her
sphincter. He waited until he felt her relax, then pushed again,
slipping almost half his shaft inside her. While he waited for her to
relax again, he leaned forward, cupping her tits in his hands, mashing
them up against her chest. He pinched a nipple, then lifted it toward
her mouth, knowing she'd take it, knowing she liked sucking her own
tits. As she mouthed her nipple he felt her relax, so he grabbed her
hips and pulled her back, hard, while thrusting with his cock. He sank
into her ass, all the way, his balls banging her cunt. He began
fucking her butt, slowly, feeling it clamp down on him every time he
moved inside her. Slowly and steadily, in and out, going ball deep
with every stroke, he began building to his own orgasm. As it
approached he began moving faster, his thrusts becoming almost manic.
He shot deep in her ass, pulling her against him, holding her there
while he emptied his balls.
At dinner that evening they were all relaxed and cheerful, talking
about the days events. Greg commented on how nice it was to have
Marcia home from school for a couple weeks, Jan and Peter talked about
cleaning up the basement, and Bobby and Cindy giggled alot. All in
all, a typical family dinner.
Several hours later Jan and Peter decided to sneak off to the basement
again, for one last bang before bed. They reached the basement stairs
unseen, and started down. Just as they reached the bottom step, Jan
heard a sound. She thought it sounded like a moan, but wasn't sure.
Peter went to investigate, taking a ball bat just in case. As he got
closer to the boxes from behind which the sounds came, he began to
grin. He knew the sounds of a blow job when he heard them. He
signalled to Jan, telling her to come over, but quietly. Together they
climbed up on a couple of the boxes, so they could look over the stack
at the activity on the other side. They saw Cindy sucking off Bobby,
deep throating him. As they watched, Bobby grabbed Cindy's head,
thrust into her mouth, and began spurting. Cindy swallowed shot after
shot, smiling and sucking at the same time.
Before Cindy had the cock out of her mouth, Peter jumped down beside
them. Laughing, he slapped Bobby on the back, then tousled Cindy's
hair. Jan joined them, lifting Cindy to her feet and giving her a big
hug, then pulling Bobby close and hugging him. Suddenly realizing that
Jan and Peter had come down to the basement for the same reason they
had, Bobby and Cindy relaxed. They weren't in trouble. With a big
grin on his face, Peter asked the other three if the had ever heard of
a daisy chain. They hadn't, so Peter went to a box hidden back in a
corner and took out some porn magazines, one of which dealt with group
sex. They looked at the pictures of fucking and sucking, then at each
other. Without a word, Jan and Peter stripped, Peter's cock already
hard and throbbing. Copying the positions they had seen in the
magazine, the four formed a slightly squared circle, lying partially
on their sides. Peter spread Cindy's pussy, licking her slit, then
probing with his tongue. Cindy sucked the head of Bobby's cock,
taking a couple of inches of shaft into her mouth.She looked along
Bobby's body to his face, which was covered by Jan's ass and
pussy. She could see his tongue licking and thrusting, could feel the
same thing being done to her own cunt. It was a strange sensation,
being eaten while watching a pussy being eaten. She sucked harder on
the cock in her mouth. Jan had her mouth full of Peter's prick, trying
to do what she had seen Cindy do, trying to deep throat a cock. It was
difficult concentrating with Bobby tongueing her snatch, setting her
on fire. The girls came at almost the same time, their bodys tensing,
their thighs clenching around the heads between them. Peter pulled his
rod from Jan's mouth, then stood up. He wanted Cindy, wanted to feel
his pole in that tight pussy he had been eating. Bobby didn't mind,
all he could think about were Jan's big tits, and the picture they had
seen of a man fucking a pair of big boobs.
Cindy lay on her back, legs spread wide. She watched Peter's cock as
he prepared to mount her. It was a good deal bigger than Bobby's, both
thicker and longer. Although she was juicy, Peter oiled his cock,
knowing she had only had Bobby's. He stretched out above her, waiting
for her to guide him in. She reached for him, her hand sliding along
the shaft, rolling his balls around, then returning to the head, which
she positioned at her slit. Peter pushed in, slowly but firmly, until
his entire cock was inside her. He couldn't believe how tight she was,
how hot she was. After a moment he began pumping, steadily and slowly,
trying to make this fuck last.
Jan was also on her back, but Bobby was sitting astride her stomach,
squeezing her tits together, his hips pumping frantically. Jan had
her mouth open, licking the cockhead any time it was close enough. As
Peter watched, Bobby jerked, then began shooting on Jan's tits. It was
amazing how much cum he had, considering he had already been sucked
off once. Jan rubbed the cum into her tits, then pulled one to her
mouth and began to clean it. She reached up and pulled Bobby down,
kissing him, letting him taste himself on her lips. To her surprise,
Bobby liked the taste, immediately licking her other tit clean
himself.
Cindy's eyes were open wide, her body screaming with lust. Peter's
cock was reaching untouched spots within her, driving her over the
edge. The tightness of Cindy's cunt pulled Peter closer, driving him
toward his orgasm. They crested at almost the same time, Peter
thrusting hard, Cindy clinging to him. Their mingled moans were loud
in the quiet basement. They clung to each other, gasping for breath
from the intensity of their mutual oragsms. Finally they separated,
momentarily spent.
The four of them lay together, relaxing, talking about the sex,
kissing and holding each other. Being young, it wasn't long before
they were ready to go again. Surprisingly, it was Bobby who was hard
first. Jan showed him some of the pictures in the magazines, of men
mounting women from behind, and told him she loved doing it that
way. She rolled to her stomach, then got to her hands and knees,
pushing her soft, full butt into Bobby. Moving against her, Bobby
quickly entered , sliding all the way in. Matching the slow, steady
rhythm with which Jan was pushing back against him, Bobby began
fucking. He was determined that she would cum before he would. Peter
grew hard as he watched them fuck. Seeing this, Cindy lay her head in
his lap, his cock standing up between her chin and throat. She began
nuzzling it, playing with it with her lips and tongue. Peter sighed,
reached for her pussy and began playing with it, inserting one finger,
then a second. Cindy kissed his cockhead, then slowly began
swallowing him. It was a tight fit, but she managed it, deep throating
his now fully erect dick. Quite a talented little girl. This talent
gave Peter an idea. He extracted himself from her mouth, grabbed a
couple of boxes, and fixed a place for Cindy to lay, on her back, head
hanging off the boxes. Some guy had face fucked Vanessa Del Rio this
way in a movie had seen.
Her head hanging, mouth open, throat relaxed, Cindy waited for Peter's
cock. When the head was inside her mouth she closed her lips and began
to suck, pulling him inside even further. With her eyes open she could
see his cock slowly disappearing, and of course she could feel it in
her mouth.
Peter continued to push slowly, unable to believe someone as small as
Cindy could truly swallow his entire cock.
When his balls hit her nose, Cindy knew she had done it. She exhaled
through her nose, blowing across his balls,causing him to shudder. She
could see his asshole, could see the big muscles in his ass clench. He
pulled out, then pushed in again, a little faster than before. Cindy
relaxed, breathing in when he withdrew, exhaling on his balls and
asshole.
Peter was ecstatic. Never in his short life had he felt anything like
this. He began thrusting faster, pumping in and out of her face. Her
hands began massaging his ass, making small circles on his butt
cheeks. Then her hands went to her pussy, spread her lips, began
slipping inside. She finger fucked her pussy while Peter fucked her
mouth.Her fingers moved faster, her breath shortened, her body
strained upward when her orgasm hit, pushing him over the edge. He
pulled out of her, pointed his cock at her firm, tiny boobs, and
exploded shot after shot across her chest and stomach.
As her own orgasm subsided she felt Peter pull out of her, then felt
hot cum splattering across her body. She opened her eyes, watched as
his cock finished spurting, then pulled it back to her mouth, where
she licked it clean. Jan and Bobby had already finished, and now Jan
joined Cindy, licking Peter's shaft, then kissing Cindy, tasting the
cum in her mouth. Jan broke the kiss, began licking cum off Cindy's
chin and throat, working down to her tits. She cleaned one nipple,
then the other, taking her time.
Realizing that the four of them had been down there quite a while, and
being pretty well satiated, they dressed and went back upstairs. They
split up, the girls going to the upstairs bathroom to clean up, the
guys using the one on the ground floor.
As they showered, Jan and Cindy talked. Jan mentioned that Peter had
the biggest cock she had seen, which was one of the reasons she liked
fucking him. Cindy was quiet a moment, then admitted that Peter was
the biggest she'd had inside her, but that she had seen a larger one,
Greg's. Then she told Jan about hiding in the closet with Bobby,
watching Marcia and Greg fuck. Their shower finished, the girls went
downstairs, where they joined the others in the TV room. When Peter
went to the kitchen to make popcorn, Jan followed. She told him what
Cindy had told her about Marcia and Greg. They agreed they would try
to find a way to involve all six of them in some hot and heavy action.
Early the next morning, after Mom and Dad had left for work, Greg and
Marcia were having breakfast. Nobody else was awake yet, so they had
the whole ground floor to themselves. Marcia was wearing a thin robe,
and when she stepped between Greg and the light it became obvious she
wasn't wearing anything else. She went to the refrigerator, bending
slightly to look for something. Greg came up behind her, lifted the
hem of her robe, pulled her back against him. Reaching around her, he
pulled her robe open, thrust his hands inside and covered her tits,
her nipples between two of his fingers. He squeezed the nipples,
pinching them, rubbing the tips when they hardened.
Marcia could feel his cock against her ass, gradually hardening and
lengthening. She reached behind herself, groping him through his thin
pajamas, then reaching through the pajama fly and fondling his
balls. She released him, then turned around and kissed him, thrusting
her tongue into his mouth.
Greg returned her kiss, then peeled her robe off. He lifted her in his
arms, lifted her high enough to kiss her titties, then suck on
them. Without another word he took her to the kitchen table, turned
her away from him and bent her over the table. He put his cock against
her pussy lips, spread them slightly with his fingers, then plunged in
completely, spearing her with his massive tool. He heard her grunt,
then moan. He began pumping, pulling back slowly, then slamming
forward as hard as he could. She would grunt every time he thrust, and
moan every time he withdrew. He was deep in her pussy, just short of
cumming, when the kitchen door opened and Peter walked in. They froze,
not knowing what to do. Peter was startled, but recovered quickly. He
walked to the refrigerator, poured himself a glass of juice, and then
went to the table and sat down. He smiled at Greg and Marcia, then
told them he liked to watch. Marcia giggled, then wiggled her ass at
Greg, who was still inside, but no longer fully erect. She rippled the
muscles in her pussy, helping Greg regain his erection. When he was
hard he began fucking her again, stroking long and deep, again drawing
grunts from Marcia. Peter watched for a few minutes, drinking his oj,
then reached into his shorts and pulled out his cock. He pushed back
from the table, far enough that Marcia could see him, and started
fisting his cock, stroking and squeezing. He knew that if he could get
involved in the fuck happening in front of him, getting a group thing
going with all six of them would be easy. He stared at Marcia's closed
eyes, hoping she would open them. When she did, finally, he grinned at
her, then stroked his cock, hard , pointing it at her face. She
answered his grin with one of her own, then nodded her head. Peter was
out of his chair like a shot, and up on the table. He slid toward
Marcia, his cock pointing at the ceiling. Marcia raised up on her
elbows, lifting her face high enough for Peter to rest his prick
against her mouth. At first she just lipped it, giving it quick little
kisses, moving up and down the shaft. Then she took the head in her
mouth, her tongue massaging it. She sucked on the head, then slid down
the shaft, taking most of him into her mouth. Her head bobbed up and
down on his rod, in time with Gregs cock thrusting in and out of her
pussy.
Marcia came first, pulling off Peter's cock, moaning and writhing on
the kitchen table. When she finished Greg pulled out of her, picked
her up, and carried her to the couch in the frontroom, Peter following
along behind, cock bouncing up and down with every step.
Marcia told Greg to lay on the couch, then climbed on top of him. With
one hand she held his cock, with the other she spread her pussy
lips. She lowered herself onto his tool, slowly, savoring the feel of
it going in, enjoying the power she felt being in control of the
fuck. When she was all the way down, nothing but Gregs balls showing,
she looked at Peter, then at her ass, then back at Peter to see if he
got the message. He did. He made a mad dash for the kitchen, poured
some oil on his hands and cock, then hurried back to the couch.
Marcia was in mid-ride, her ass pistoning up and down, Gregs huge cock
appearing and disappearing. Peter climbed onto the couch, took hold of
Marcia's hips, and pushed against her asshole. He pushed hard, the oil
on his cock lubricating her butt. Her hole relaxed suddenly, allowing
him to slip inside. About two thirds of his shaft went in on that
first plunge. He was surprised when she didn't tense up. He always had
to wait for Jan to get used to him being in her ass. He pushed again,
slipping the rest of the way in, his balls touching Gregs, who was
completely inside Marcia's pussy. Greg lifted Marcia slightly, enough
so that he could slide out, then ram back in. He started fucking,
long, hard strokes, the kind that drove Marcia crazy. Peter could
feel him doing it, feel it in his own cock every time Greg
thrust. Peter began his ass fuck, imitating Greg, pulling almost out
and then thrusting back in all at once. Marcia was moaning, writhing
madly between the boys, driven almost crazy with lust. Peter felt her
orgasm begin, felt her ass squeeze tight as her pussy spasmed around
Greg's cock. Buried deep in her ass, he felt Greg thrust in hard, felt
him swell, felt his cock jerking and shooting inside her, so close to
his own. He thrust a couple more times, then started shooting
himself. He pumped shot after shot into her ass, feeling completely
drained when he was done.
Marcia went upstairs to shower, leaving Greg and Peter to clean up
downstairs. They walked back to the kitchen, stood by the sink and
soaped up their dicks, washing them clean. Peter figured this was as
good a time as any to tell Greg about the others. The results were
everything he had hoped for. When he talked about Cindy's cocksucking
talents Greg's meat began to swell.
Greg was surprised at himself. He'd cum twice in the last hour, and
now hearing about 14 year old Cindy sucking cock was giving him
another erection. Hell of a way to start a day. Greg hung his rod in
the sink, grabbed the rinser, and sprayed warm water across his cock,
balls, and stomach, rinsing off the soap. Just as he finished Jan and
Cindy walked in.
Both girls stopped dead in their tracks. Of all the things they might
have expected first thing in the morning, Peter and Greg standing
naked in the kitchen with semi-erect cocks was way down the list. Jan
reacted first. Her hands went to her breasts, began massaging them
through the mens shirt she wore to bed. Cindy licked her lips, pushed
one hand through the fly of the boys pajamas she still wore every
night. She rubbed her pussy, one finger slipping between the lips,
spreading them.
By now the boys were fully erect. Without a word they went to the
girls. Greg stopped in front of Jan, pulled her to him, and kissed her
long and hard. His hands went to her ass, which he massaged while his
tongue probed her mouth. When the kiss was finished he backed off a
step, pulled her shirt over her head and tossed it aside. Her tits
were magnificent. Full and round, they jutted out from her ribs with
almost no sag. Greg moved close, lifted her in his arms, and carried
her to the table, the same table he had fucked Marcia on less than an
hour ago. He sat her on the table, pulled up a chair, and started
licking and sucking her boobs. Breakfast was finally ready.
Peter had pulled Cindy to the floor, stripped off her shirt, and was
sucking her hard little nipples. He had one hand inside her pajama
bottoms, frigging her cunt, making sure she was wet enough to fuck. He
mounted her there, not even removing the pajamas, fucking her through
the same hole she had used to rub herself.
Greg had moved down to Jan's pussy. His mouth was pushed tight against
her, his tongue going in and out, his hands squeezing her ass. He
pulled away, stood up, pushed her down on her back and spread her
legs.
Jan watched as Greg moved up between her thighs. She had never even
seen anything as big, much less had it inside her. His strong hands
gripped her ankles, raising her feet to his. He pulled her closer to
the edge of the table, then looked into her eyes. She felt his
cockhead spreading her pussy lips, then he pushed, gently, only moving
a couple of inches into her. She looked into his eyes, then, silently
telling him to give her more, to fuck her completely. He slid his
hands down her legs to her thighs, then to her hips. He got a firm
hold on her, then drove into her with all his power, forcing himself
all the way in.
Greg began to piston Jan's snatch, fucking her the way Marcia liked
it, with long, hard strokes. With every stroke her tits bounced toward
her face, then came back when he pulled out. Jan must have noticed
where he was looking, or maybe just liked playing with them, because
she grabbed her own boobs and began massaging them, rolling them with
her hands, tweaking the nipples to make them even harder. As he
watched, pump ing into her, she pulled her right breast to her mouth,
licked her nipple, then took it between her lips and sucked on it. Greg had never seen a woman suck her own tits; it was more then he could
handle right then. With a grunt he buried himself in her snatch just
as she let out a long moan. She tensed, her body arching up off the
table. He pushed in deep, then let loose with a shattering orgasm,
his cock jerking time after time. When he was finished he pulled her
to a sitting position and kissed her again, long and hard.
Cindy was thrashing about on the floor, in the middle of her second
orgasm, Peter still rock hard and pumping. While Jan and Greg
watched, Peter pulled out of her and turned her over. He stretched out
on top of her, his cock resting between her butt cheeks. While Cindy
was still relaxed, Peter pushed his bone against her asshole, slipping
almost halfway in.
Cindy was exhausted, left limp by the force of her orgasms. She simply
went with it when Peter turned her over, expecting him to mount her
from behind. His rod was hot against her ass, slick with her own
juices, and she could feel it throbbing. She felt him sliding it back,
and was waiting for him to fill her pussy again. When he pushed through her asshole she was surprised, but didn't have the energy to
fight it. Later she found out that assfucking sometimes hurt, but
right now there was no pain. She stayed relaxed, and allowed Peter his
way. After all, he had already gotten her off twice.
Peter thrust again, burying his bone in Cindy's tight little ass. She
was tighter than any hole he had ever been in. He pulled back slowly,
then pushed it in again, all in one stroke. His pace increased, her
tightness and subservience making him harder and hotter.
Jan slid from the table, dropping to her knees in front of Greg. She
took his cum-coated prick into her mouth, licking and sucking,
cleaning it while also causing it to stiffen again. They watched
Peter pounding in and out of Cindy's ass, watched as he buried his
log in her butt and jerked spasmodically, watched him collapse atop
her when his orgasm finished.
Bobby woke with a piss-hardon, climbed out of bed and headed for the
bathroom. He was standing about two feet away from the toilet, aiming
his stream into the bowl when Marcia walked in. She had forgotten her
cosmetics bag after her shower, and didn't realize anyone was in the
bathroom. She stopped dead, staring at the boy's erection. Bobby was
startled by her presence, but there wasn't much he could do about
it. The longer she stared, though, the more it excited him.
Marcia stared at Bobby's hardon, watching it. At first it was
softening as the piss left, but as sh e watched it began to stiffen
again. She had never seen such a smooth cock, or balls so nearly
devoid of hair. When he finished she moved towards him, reaching for
his balls. She wasn't really horny, Greg and Peter had taken care of
that, but Bobby's balls were practically calling her. Her fingers
itched to feel the soft fuzz, to cradle his young balls, to fondle
them. She dropped to her knees before him, stroking his cock with one
hand, rolling his balls with the other. She pulled his foreskin back,
marveling at the velvety smoothness of his shaft. Without a word she
took him into her mouth. She sucked the head, licked it, while fisting
the shaft with one hand and holding his balls with the other.
Bobby was taken completely by surprise. He was barely awake, and he
was already being blown. He throbbed in Marcia's mouth, then dropped
his hands to her head, pulled her against him, and began to shoot. He
shot hard, but not very long. Everything had happened so fast, he
hadn't even been hard more than a couple minutes.
Marcia swallowed the hot, sticky cum spewing into her mouth, and
continued to suck. She wanted him to stay hard, wanted him to fuck
her right there in the bathroom. When he was fully erect again she
stood up, turned her back to him, and bent over, resting her hands on
the toilet cover. Bobby pushed her robe up out of the way, moved up
against her butt, and sunk his pole into her pussy.
His hands gripping her hips, Bobby began fucking, moving in and out
slowly and steadily, wanting this to last much longer than the blow
job had. Marcia was just as tight as Cindy, even if she was older. He
continued his slow, steady fucking, helping Marcia build toward her
own orgasm. When she began to moan and gasp he increased his tempo,
thrusting harder and faster, matching his rythm to her moans, matching
the frenetic pace she was setting, pushing back against him. She was
bringing him to his exploding point, even as he was driving her to her
own. With one final push backward, she impaled herself on his cock. He
could feel her cunt clenching and releasing. With a sigh he thrust one
more time, then gave himself over to his own orgasm. He flooded her
cunt, their juices mixing and coating his cock.
Marcia slid slowly back down the hill, coming back to life. When Bobby
pulled out she turned to him, pulled him close, and kissed him
passionately. They showered together, then dressed and went
downstairs. They walked into the kitchen just as Greg began to shoot,
his cum filling Jan's mouth and dribbling out onto her chin.
The four sweaty kids went to shower while Marcia and Bobby fixed
breakfast. The way this day had started, everybody needed a big
breakfast.
Bobby, Cindy, Peter, and Jan all left for school. Bobby and Cindy were
both in their first year at high school, Peter was a junior, and Jan
was a senior, due to graduate in a couple of months. Bobby had gym 1st
period, as did his best friend Tom. While they were dressing Bobby
told him about getting laid the day before, although he was careful
not to mention who he had fucked. Greg had made it plain what would
happen if word of their "family affair" got out. Being 14 years old,
this conversation gave both boys a boner, even though Bobby had
already gotten off twice that morning. While neither boy was gay, and
had never touched the other, they had masturbated together, and now
seemed like a great time. They ducked out of the boys locker room the
back way, going through the coach's office, and got into a plumbing
access area that not many students knew about. Tom's dad was the
plumber the school hired, though, and Tom sometimes had to work with
his dad on weekends, so he ha d been there before. That was how he
knew about the flashlight that was hanging just inside the entrance.
As soon as they were inside bot h boys stripped off their shorts and
began tugging on their cocks, Tom asking Bobby to tell him again about
getting laid. Bobby was a little nervous about talking so close to the
door, so they moved into the passageway, stroking their dicks as they
wa lked. They hadn't gone very far when they heard voices, girls
voices, from somewhere up ahead. Bobby was the first to realize that
the sounds were coming through the wall, and that they must be
alongside the girls locker room or shower. It was funny, but the
voices seemed to be loudest in spots, and the spots were marked by
large pieces of drywall l eaning against the opposite wall. Both boys
were stumped, standing there butt-naked, holding their cocks in one
hand, listening to the voices. Tom was s hining the flashlight over
the wall, when a sudden twinkle caught both their eyes. Investigating,
they discovered a hinge, fitted flush and covered with dirt. A little
searching uncovered a second, slightly higher hinge. Something was
here, but how di d it open? Bobby had an idea. He grabbed a piece of
the cut out drywall and held it against the wall with one edge lined
up with the hinge. Sure enough, feeling around at the other edge his
fingers found a very small indentation in the wood. About the right
size for a nail to be inserted, of which there were plenty lying
around. When they finally pried it open it was every thing they had
hoped. They were looking directly into the girls locker room. It was
empty at the moment, but in 20 minutes or s o a class would be
finishing and there would be 30 or so sophmore girls showering and
dressing. Bobby had only seen two-way mirrors on TV, but he figured
that's what they were looking through. Plus the fact they were looking
out over sinks and counter s. They went to each of the cut out pieces
of drywall and found the same thing, small doors tha t looked through
mirrors into the girls locker room. The last two were even more
surprising. One was the mirror in the women's coaches office, and the
last was in the girls shower. Neither of them had even known ther was
a mirror in the shower. There certainly wasn't in any shower they had
ever been in.
Gym class was over, and 30 sweaty girls poured into the locker
room. As they watched the gi rls strip their cocks thickened and
lengthened. Neither had ever seen so many tits, asses, an d pussies
before. Bobby stroked his cock, watching Sandy Morgan strip. She was
the best built girl in school, with tits even bigger than Jan's. He
followed he r in the mirrors, watching her jugs bounce and swing as
she walked to the shower. His cock t hrobbing, he slowly jerked
himself off, watching her lather her tits, squishing them under her
hands, rolling them around, making sure they were clean. She wash ed
her stomach, then slid the soap between her thighs and scrubbed her
pussy. Next was her ass, which she washed with both hands, which made
her boobs stick out even further. Bobby slowed his pumping, not
wanting to cum to soon. He fondled his balls, rolled them between his
fingers, massaged his rod with both hands. He watched her towel he
rself off, then begin to dress. She pulled on a pair of pink lace
panties, then the matching bra. Bobby was just about to switch to
another girl when Sandy started walking straight toward him. She came
to the mirror he was behind, set down a little bag, and began to
apply her makeup. She wasn't more than a foot away, and she was in her
underwear. With a low groan Bobby began to cum, spurting thick,
creamy goo at the wall, all the while staring at Sandy's lace covered
boobs. When he was finished Bobby looked around for Tom, who was down
at the shower. He watched as his friends cock began to squirt, the cum
splattering against the wall. The boys quickly clos ed the shutters,
rubbing dirt on the hinges, then headed back. They both had Math 2nd p
eriod, and that was one class you had better not be late for.
Greg was deep in Marcia's pussy, enjoying the quiet of the house and
the warmth of her cunt . Group fucks were fun, but Greg really liked
boning Marcia one-on-one. The others would be home later, but for now
it was his cock, her cunt and plenty of time.
Carol entered the house through the kitchen. They had closed a major
deal at work, and to celebrate they had given everybody the rest of
the day off. She was heade d for the stairs and a shower when she
heard a groan coming from the TV room. She walked to the half-open
door and peeked inside, not really sure what she would see, but not
expecting to see her oldest daughter and her step-son fucking on the
couch. She was stunned, and completely at a loss. She felt she should
protest, but they weren't really related, and they were both old
enough to make up their own minds. As she watched Greg pulled out,
stroked his shaft several times, then began to cum on Marcia's snatch
and stomach. When he finished he rubbed his cock in the gooey mass on
her belly, then slid it slowly back into her cunt.
Without realizing it, Carol was becoming aroused. The longer she
watched, the harder her nipples became. Her hands pressed against her
stomach, then slid upward to her breasts. She massaged them through
her blouse and bra, rolling and squeezing them. Her fingers flew
throu gh the buttons, then opened the blouse. She cupped her boobs,
bra and all, then slid her fingers inside the bra, lifting each tit
clear and allowing them to hang over the bracups. While her left hand
continued to play with her boobs, her right began its slow, sensual
descent down her stomach, heading for her pussy. She pressed her silk
panties against her mound, then slipped a finger inside and stroked
her pussy lips.
She watched as Marcia suddenly lunged up against Greg, her body taut,
every muscle spasming with the force of her orgasm. When she finally
subsided Greg pulled out, still rock hard, and told Marcia to lean
against the back of the couch so he could fuck her doggy style. As she
watched Greg enter her daughter from behind, Carol lifted her skirt,
bunching it around her waist, and removed her soaked panties. Watching
Greg and Marcia fuck, she began alternately rubbing her pussy and
finger-fucking it. She couldn't remember the last time she had been
this hot. When her orgasm hit she leaned against the door frame, a
loud moan escaping from her throat.
Greg and Marcia were startled by the sudden moan coming from behind
them. Greg pulled out and turned quickly, then froze when he saw his
step-mother leaning ag ainst the door, her clothes in disarray, two
fingers in her snatch. There had never been any doubt in his mind
that he would fuck his step-mother one day, and he wasn't going to let
this incredible opportunity get away. He moved toward Carol, stopping
in front of her and dropping to his knees. He pulled her fingers from
her snatch and pushed his face against her, burying his tongue as
deeply as he could in her hot, slick pussy. She responded as he had
hoped she would, her fingers locking in his hair and pulling him hard
into her. He could hear her whimpering as he alternately licked,
sucked, and tongue fucked her cunt.
Carol knew she shouldn't do this, but the mouth on her pussy felt so
good, and it had been such a long time since she had been eaten. She
felt herself peaking again, and all thought fled. She gave herself to
her orgasm, her body tingling with power.
Greg stood up, still gripping her ass, and lifted her easily. Her legs
opened, wrapped around him as he had known they would. He lowered her
to his cock, leaned her against the wall, and thrust upward as hard
as he could, slamming his long, thick prick into her all at once. He
held her there, fucking as hard as he could, uncaring about anything
except the fire in his balls. He thrust as deeply as possible into
Carol's pussy, his body smashed against hers, and pumped his hot,
gooey load into her.
Carol felt the cock inside her explode. Mike had never cum this
intensely in all the years they had been married. It was unlike any
fuck she had ever experienced, this huge cock erupting inside her. She
slid over the edge, her third orgasm shattering her, ripping long, low
moans from her.
Marcia watched the two of them come back to rea lity. Her fingers
danced across her pussy, stroking and thrusting, keeping her
aroused. She saw Greg pull out of her mother, take her by the hand,
and lead her to the couch.
Carol sat next to her daughter, a little afraid of what she knew was
coming, but aroused enough to go with it. She hadn't been with a
nother woman since college. Marcia stroked Carol's thigh, then leaned
toward her pressed her lips to her mothers'. Carol's mouth opened
slowly, allowing Marcia's tongue inside. With her eyes closed, Carol
couldn't tell the difference between her daugh ters tongue and any
other she had played with. When she responded to the kiss Marcia came
into her arms, plastering her body against her mothers.
Marcia broke the kiss, and began the slide downwards, kissing and
licking Carols full, round boobs, then tonguing her way down her
stomach. She slid to the floor, spread her mothers legs, and buried
her face in hot, steamy pussy.
Greg stood beside them, playing with his cock, watching Marcia eat the
cunt he had so recently been fucking. He was at that strange stage,
not hard enough to fuck, really, but too hard to put it away. He knew
how to take care of that. Stepping up behind Marcia, he straddled her,
moved close to the couch, and reached for Carol. His fingers wrapped
in her hair, then he pulled her close and rubbed his cock against her
face. Carol removed one hand from Marcia's hair and took hold of the
prick in her face, guiding it to her mouth. She sucked the head into
her mouth, working it with her tongue. Greg stood still, allowing
Carol to suck him any way she wanted.
Carol had never had a bone this big in her mouth. She sucked several
inches in, then rubbed the underside of the head with her tongue. A
sudden stiffening told her how Greg felt. She sucked harder, then
circled it with her free hand and began pumping it, back and forth,
sucking each time she stroked toward her mouth. She felt it stiffen
some more, and knew it was ready. She wanted to be fucked by that
monster dick again.
Greg pulled away from Carol, lifted Marcia to the couch, and draped
her across the back, butt up. He turned Carol around, and layed her
next to Marcia. He stroked the two pussies, then moved up against
Carol and pushed his rod into her. He fucke d her slowly, thrusting
all the way in and pulling all the way back. After 10 strokes he
pulled out and entered Marcia, fucking her the same way. He stayed in
Marcia, gradually picking up speed, until he was fucking her the way
he always did, fast an d hard. He wanted Carol to see her daughter get
off, and he wanted to be the cock getting her off. When Marcia began
banging back against him he knew she was getting close. He thrust
harder, driving deep. He could feel her hot juices flowing around his
pole, could feel her cunt clenching and relaxing. When it was over he
pulled out, grabbed Carol by the hips, and slammed home in one
stroke. He fucked her the way he had earlier, all power and speed,
banging against her soft ass with each stroke. He managed to hold
himself back until her orgasm began, then he pumped another load deep
into his step-mother's pussy.
--
Stephen Guy Polis confessed the following to usenet
on 4 May 1998 02:57:07 GMT in article :
# Guy Polis (guy@panix.com, eviljay@bway.net) is a pedophile child
# molester who was fired from his consulting position at Salomon Brothers
# after he was caught masturbating in his cubicle at the child pornography
# JPEGs that he downloaded from the Internet.
For holocaust information visit http://www.nikzor.org
For information of post diaspora Jewish history
visit http://www.khazaria.com
For information on the next threatened destruction
of Israel visit http://www.hebron.com
James Driscoll Jr. (spaceman@realspaceman.com)
achieves self-realization in article
and wrote:
"I AM A KOOK SO I CAN POST HERE !"
--
$ chown -R us:us yourbase
are belong to us.
hooah to stealth tech
Loopback Fighters- paving the way for the revolution, one instance of linux at a time.
This is a stupid article.
and santa can suck my fucking cock
what a waste of time, 'ooh lets pretend to track santa' grow the fuck up and get a life you cock suckers
is fake crap. Why are we spending any money on this BS at all? Save the money and go feed some homeless and foodless people during the holidays.
My 4 year old daughter was spun up due to all the Christmas excitement. We were having trouble getting her to sleep until we showed her where santa was on the map - he's getting close! So off to bed she went without a peep.
First post!
ha ha!
...but the point is well taken. Nowhere do we go nowadays without being observed. England, once the most liberal country in te world, where cops could not stop you unless they had a good readon to do so, is now the most big brotherish country in the world. Orwell was British - no surprise. My kids here in Canada wil have - no, already have - significantly less freedom that I used to have. "Nothing to fear unless you are a criminal" - that argument is still heard all over the place every day. As it was in Nazi days. Dobn;t want to sound alarmist, but we really have to worry about all this.
I would say just a *little* pushback from all of us would help greatly. Does your bank really need that social insurance number? Perhaps asking "am I really legally oliged to give you this" whenever you are asked to produce ID would be a good step?
Peace,
Michael
---
BDOS ERR ON A:>
How would tracking by radar be possible?
"The United States has no right, no desire, and no intention to impose our form of government on anyone else." - Bush 05
than trick kids into believing in Santa.
Really, there are people who will call this an evidence of the U.S. crusade against Muslims, because we don't track the Ramadan Fairy, just Santa Claus.
Goat sex free since 2001
And you thought it was bad enough when Matthew Broderick messed up the WOPR, now the damn mainframe is going completely gaga ...
..the cynical bastards of Slashdot somehow manage to slander the concept of *Santa Claus* within 10 minutes of this article.
Amazing.
I'll never stop refreshing Slashdot again! I can't allow this to happen a second time!
Is your company running tools written by ma
Check out the Sydney footage. Al Qaeda terrorists are obviously using Santa as cover for attacks on popular landmarks.
They flew their aircraft behind and above the sleigh to remain invisible to radar, then as Santa changed course into Sydney proper, they dived in and exploded in the Opera House.
Santa must be stopped! Quick! Call Bun-Bun, only he can save us! Break out the Furbies! Assemble the Easter Bunny!
astfgl@iamnota.org
(This is not to be taken as flamebait or trolling or anything like that.)
I have a HUGE problem with Real's forced marketing policies when it comes to their software -- changing startup pages, adding links everywhere, changing your program associations.. I know a large number of people who won't touch Reals stuff anymore.
Does anybody know of a WindowsMedia stream of something like this? I want to show my niece.
A few years ago, when I powered up one of the lost Clinton administration laptops (it was found in under a set on the DC Metro), I came across some interesting intelligience data. Apparently, the White Bearded One (WBO) has advanced well beyond what this article implies. I only caught a quick glimpse before the Secret Service snatched it from my hands and threatened to lock me up (didn't say where exactly).
Naturally, I pretended not to have seen anything...except to say I was looking for a video game to play and it was just sitting there looking like it wanted to be played.
Well, anyway...it seems that the WBO has been dabbling with quantum physics. Supposedly, he's found a way to convert himself into a wave function. This allows him to visit every home in the world simultaneously. But, it seems to work better if he contrained the function to a particular longitude. By adjusting this variable alone, he could make his visit to each child's home at exactly midnight in the child's time zone.
Pretty ingenious if you ask me. He doesn't even need to slip down any more chimmneys and risk getting stuck (or burned). And, because the probabliity of him being where you are looking is so remote, he remains completely stealthy yet accomplishes his yearly mission in exactly one solar day. Whoa.
Happy Holidays to All!
RD
I heard that he's giving a special present to the children of the middle east this year by ramming his sled which is packed with explosives and napalm into a large building.
GOD BLESS AMERICA
Isn't it ironic that this story of Santa being tracked as he goes about his business should appear right next to the "World Sousveillance Day" article....
I have to ask? How many massive bong hits did you have before comming up with this site? Its great!
and got the following reply.
John,
Santa's sled is powered by reindeer not 'bong hits' (whatever that is). Our technology is supplied by the incredibly complex NORAD tracking system, the website by STK and AOL.
Keep checking out the website throughout the day
Go 'Noles.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Years
Team NORAD
They took the time to figure out I was from FSU area from my ip I guess. Very impresed
This must be a difficult time of year for Cheap Software bigots. Those of you who aren't naive college students have no money to buy gifts, and surely no gifts will be given to the hostile, irritable, unhygienic "developers" (ha!) whom we have to thank for such monuments of shit as Mozilla and SourceForge. I'd be sad, too, having to watch highly-paid Closed Source developers stroll down the street, arms laden with expensive gifts, surrounded by beautiful women.
And speaking of women, I just remembered that Valentine's Day is only two months away! You think that you'll be able to find a girlfriend by then, hog? Or will you spend another year cold and alone, trying to convince yourself that playing Counter-Strike with 15-year-old illiterates is really better than hot, greasy sex?
Perhaps you should look to homosexuality, the traditional sexual outlet of the Cheap Software "developer." Sure, it may hurt a bit, and your ass may leak blood and semen for 72 hours afterward, but anything is better than being alone on Christmas... isn't it?
Anyway, as I was saying, if making up fairy tales about Santa and Linux helps you survive another holiday season, fine. But it isn't helping your cause, and it isn't improving the real world's outlook on Cheap Software. Why not get some exercise, take a shower, put on some nice clothes, buy (or steal) some expensive chocolates and wine, walk down to your nearest singles bar, and... slit your wrists in the bathroom? Thanks!
God Bless,
Al Gore
Inventor of the Internet
Father of our Country
From CNN:
WASHINGTON (CNN) -- U.S. military officials are tracking Santa's travel path and reporting the latest data on his location on a Web site.
"If he deviates from his filed flight plan or turns off his transponder, we're prepared to scramble F-15s from Langley AFB, Eglin AFB, Mountain Home AFB, Elmendorf AFB, Tyndall AFB, and Nellis AFB, and blow that fat bastard out of the skies," said NORAD spokesman Gen. Buck Turgidson.
In addition, Gen. Turgidson stated that there would be a limited test of National Missile Defense (NMD) tracking assets at various locations around the country. "Santa can deploy all the decoys he wants. We'll find him, we'll track him, we'll get him," Gen. Turgidson added.
Military analysts have mentioned possible countermeasures Santa Claus might take to avoid NORAD radar, including a low-altitude, terrain-masking flight profile, radar-absorbant coating on his sleigh, and multiple layers of metal foil on Rudolph's nose to lessen the infrared signature.
k.
"In spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart." - Anne Frank
Well, if it was me choosing an OS to organize a bunch of reindeer, I would have to trust to instinct and run with the Hurd.
:-)
(Groan: -1 Corny
are belong to us
;)
merry christmas slashdot readers - catch the real video stream and see if you can spot that firewire card in his sack that you asked for this year
free (as in mp3s) electronic music
CNN Dec 25, 2001: In an act of goodwill towards children all over the world, NORAD put up a website serving realtime video tracking of Santa Claus. However, a group of internet terrorists has brought this service down through a feared terrorist method known as slashdotting. An official at NORAD states: "It's just sad that there are people out there who spend the entire holiday season shut up in front of their computers ruining Christmas for children everywhere. This web service for children under the age of eight has now been completely brought down by thousands of adolescent hackers. This slashdot effect isn't some sort of innocent web browsing method. It's a terrorist act, and we've passed the laws to stop it."
I thought /. was a REAL news source! How unprofessional! They didn't bother to do any fact checking on this story... I found out through a friend that Santa doesn't actually exist.
Shame on you.
Santa does not exist!!
:-\
This is probably the best way to explain to your kids that he doesn't exist... i guess you could use this for the Easter rabbit as well
"The ones who dont do anything are always the ones who try to pull you down" -- Henry Rollins
2001-12-24 19:51:01 Military Tracks Santa! (articles,xmas) (rejected)
*snif*
I knew it! Just like the moon landing, this whole "Santa" thing is just a scam, filmed on some Hollywood movie lot. Look, I found the proof! Thru very careful hacking of the sites computer code (i.e., I read the html), I've managed to decipher the highly encrypted links (i.e., took a wild guess), and have found film footage that couldn't possibly exist yet if this whole "Santa" thing was real! According to this official "NORAD" site, "Santa"'s already finishing delivering present to Hawaii. It's still the middle of the afternoon there!
a ls /2001/santatrack/28_en.rm
http://santa.stream.aol.com/ramgen/aol/us/speci
This opens up some interesting possibilities:
SAM.
Well, Real Media sucks and AoHell blows, so I guess it's a draw...I woulda appreciated this site alot more if it gave me a Winblows Media option or even a Qwacktime option. Oh well, guess the internet isn't for everyone, at least I don't have 6 real/player/launcher/watcher/catcher/downloader icons taking up 5 inches of my systray.
Freeschwag
Tweet, tweet, all idiots out of the gene pool!
I used to look down on Christmas, until I realized that Santa (the Coca Cola Santa, that is) had nothing to do with the traditional Christmas. I've come to appreciate Christmas as an excuse for generosity and fellowship, but I will never be reconciled with the selfishness and wastefulness the fat idiot in the trademark red suit represents.
So I think a couple of quotes are in order. First, some dialog from Buffy:
And we mustn't forget Neil Gaiman's reinterpretation of the basic Santa myth.Hope Santa has his Oracard if NORAD stops him and asks about fruits or vegetables.
--
"Outlook not so good." That magic 8-ball knows everything! I'll ask about Exchange Server next.
why not just make a beowulf cluster of santas?
Get that rats nest off your head, you numbskull -- Wesley Willis
NORAD only exists to make the last phone call to the president and ask him for his launch codes. At least they can provide a worthwhile national service while waiting for doomsday.
Twas the night before Christmas...
:)
And up at the north pole, everybody's going crazy, everything's out of control.
The toy shop is on fire, the toys melting on the shelves, and you can Mrs. Clause screaming "I warned you never trust those elves."
Unless something drastic happens fast, say hello to the Ghost of Christmas Past.
Because Rudolph's puking boughs of holly, and Old Saint Nick aint all that jolly, 'cus the sleigh's in the shop cus it's broken down, but Christmas won't stop, 'cus Santa Clause is thumbing to town
Gotta Love Relient K.
Perl is emphatically not an object-oriented language. Perl's OO features were crudely hacked in after-the-fact. This unfortunate compromise is the equivalent of trying to bolt an internal-combustion engine onto a stagecoach instead of designing an automobile from the ground up.
Too many simple tasks are pointlessly complicated. Take the simple example of creating an array whose elements are arrays. Not only does the developer need to use additional inner brackets for each element, but they must also remember to use the unique @{$a[1]} syntax when referencing. Why all the extra steps? Who knows.
Perl is notoriously impossible read and maintain. Walk into any bar frequented after-hours by veteran developers and you'll hear story after story being swapped about having to decipher brain-crushing lines of text like :" (my @parsed =$URL =~ m@(\w+)://([^/:]+)(:\d*)?([^#]*)@) || return undef;". This unreadability is in part the result of the fact that:
Perl attempts to be all things to all people and ends up being second-rate at everything.Perl is widely known as the "duct tape of the internet", and it performs superbly in this role. However, just as you cannot build a house out of duct tape alone, so attempting to turn a language that was originally developed for scrpiting brief, handy utilities into a do-all, be-all programming language will only result in the buggy, bloated, "write-only" mess that Perl has become.
Subroutine signatures, orthogonals, method access, data inheritance: this list could go on and on. But there is no real need. Its is now clear that Perl is doomed. At this very moment, Perl 6.0 is being cobbled together, with bulletins about the myriad upcoming features of the new version being issued with titles referring to the Biblical Book of the Apocalypse, the favorite text of messianic streetcorner lunatics. There is no better indicator of the deranged states of mind of the developers behind Perl than this unfortunate choice of imagery. Software developers with any interest in future employment/relevance should sieze this opportunity to attain fluency in Ruby or Python and donate their Perl books to the History Department of their local University.
Check out all the archived Santa cam shots, every picture execpt Eastern Canada shows Santa in his sled.
Seems he likes to ride in CF-18's instead.
SANTA CLAUS: An Engineer's Perspective
.001 seconds, would be subjected to centrifugal forces of 17,500 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.
I. There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per house hold, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each.
II. Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second.
This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second --- 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.
III. The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them --- Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).
IV. 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second crates enormous air resistance --- this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop 650 m.p.s. in
V. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.
Quid latine dictum sit, altum viditur.
Anything said in Latin, sounds profound.
I feel safer at night knowing that our technology is so advanced that we can even track Santa clause. But I'm worried about the cost to the economy because of all the money outlayed because of Santa. The amount of money we spent to irradiate the mail that was sent to him, and I presume he will be given an F15 fighter jet escort because of the hightened state of security. I think the cost of this far surpasses the cost of toys for every girl and boy. But there's an opportunity for santa to repay us. He knows when people are sleeping you know, and when they're awake, and obviously he knows where everyone is, so why doesn't the FBI find out from him where Bin Laden is? I mean think of all the free publicity cocoa-cola and other American companies give him over the years, the least he can do for the country is help our war effort. I personally would support covert military action at the north pole to find Santa Clause and find out what he knows, and while they're at it they should get some of that technology that he has. Especially that part in that poem,
"..And laying his finger aside of his nose, And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;"
That I think could be very useful in those caves of Tora Bora.
that's right
Serves the little fuckers right. Oh, to see napalm dropped on palestinean refugee camps...Now THAT would be a Christmas to cherish and remember!
I understand he was held under lock and key, but he must of had a good lawyer and made bail. Although He'll now be in trouble for fleeing the jurisdiction.
"It is a greater offense to steal men's labor, than their clothes"
So when you're opening your shiny gifts from Santa tomorrow morning, think of Jesus. He's probably going to get frostbite for your sins, and then have to have his feet amputated for your sins, and go on prescription painkillers while receiving federal welfare for your sins. You fuckers!
-- The_Messenger
Were you beaten as a child or something?
Lighten up. You know, Happy Holidays and all. It's something goofy and fun for kids and adults alike, a way to whimsically integrate technology with a cherished childhood myth.
Or, I suppose, yet another reason for a slashdot troll to whine and stomp. sigh. Merry Xmas.
Let's all hope he/she doesn't grow up to be big fucking sour puss like you, jackass.
I know this is a foreign concept to a lot of parents today, but what you do is spank the brother when he is bad, then he will not act so bad most of the time...
Check out the Sydney footage. Al Qaeda terrorists are obviously using Santa as cover for attacks on popular landmarks.
They flew their aircraft behind and above the sleigh to remain invisible to radar, then as Santa changed course into Sydney proper, they dived in and exploded in the Opera House.
Santa must be stopped! Quick! Call Bun-Bun, only he can save us! Break out the Furbies! Assemble the Easter Bunny!
astfgl@iamnota.org
"I don't trust goats," --To Catch a Spy
What ever happened to separation of church and state? I find this whole thing highly offensive.
Well, my son and I will sleep better tonight knowing that NORAD can survive the Slashdot effect!
Merry Christmas everyone!
sig fault
On BBC Radio 1, there was an advisory put out by the DJ, Scott Mills, to parents to be aware of an old man coming down chimneys and emptying his sack all over your living room. If you do spot him, please do not approach him!
Looking at the very poorly rendered snapshots and flybys of Santa, I would feel bad telling my kid that it's really him. Hell, no wonder kids can't distinguish video games from reality!
Awake all night, terrified that Satan's going to come down the chimney...
I'm trying to teach myself to set people on fire with my mind... Is it hot in here?
...I guess, but that's no guaranty.
If I have kids, I'm gunna tell them when Christmas -is- but not actually warn them it's Christmas Eve. Cuz if they know it's Christmas Eve, they'll be complete brats for the next 24 hours waiting till they can open their presents.. whereas if they wake up to a surprise on the 25th, think how easy it will be?
I will be a wonderful parent.
* g o a t s e x * g o a t s e x * g o a t s e x *
g g
o / \ \ / \ o
a \ a
t `. : t
s` \ s
e \ / / \\\ -- \\ : e
x \ \/ --~~ ~-- \ x
* \ \-~ ~-\ *
g \ \
o \ \// ((> \ o
a \ . C ) ((> / a
t
s /
e ( C__)\___/
x \ \\// (/ x
* \ \) `---- --' *
g \ \ / / g
o / \ o
a / \ \ a
t / / \ t
s / / \/\/ s
e / e
x x
* g o a t s e x * g o a t s e x * g o a t s e x *
but Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Quanza, and other non-denominational holiday greetings to all \.
Need sometyhing to listen to? Ho about Prank Calls:
208.38.138.12:8000
:-)
I'm not a prophet or a stone-age man,
I'm just a mortal with potential of a super man.
Rumor has it that Santa is actually running late, after having to to submit to a personal search, have his packages hand inspected and unwrapped, and having his boots x-rayed before leaving. (imagine standing around barefoot in a foot of snow). On a related note, anyone expecting a Swiss Army Knife for Christmans will be disappointed as more that 3 million were confiscated.
They want to set a world record!
This should be easy to do they even give phone numbers you can call! Hint call collect 8) its free that way!
Its an old school Ma Bell joke, so its free trust me 8)
Best Regards,
And Good Cheer,
8)
I guess that this idiot does.
I remember Norad doing this since *I* was a kid (it's been awhile...)
Sorry you can't see your way clear to let others have a bit of fun. Besides, why is it so hard to believe? I've recently come across proof that there is a Grinch...
If Santa is using stealth technology, can I detect him with my cellular phone? It would be cool to see him for the 0.00000001ms he'd be in my house.
I hope he has that shiny new hard drive for me.
Merry Christmas everyone and have a great New Year!
The Dude
Is spreading the concept of commercialism in order to destroy the true meaning of Christmas... I think that it's no accident that his name is an anagram for Satan.
Just kidding, all. I'm from a Chanukah house. No offense intended...
(...I'm watching you, Santa. I'm watching you.)
Y'know, I was playing Flight Simulator today. And then I saw that Norad Santacam. Hmmm, looks a little similar; you have a sprite of Santa in this flying contraption, atop some scenery. Hey, what would it be like to fly one of those things? No throttle, but reins, and minimal instrumentation. It's certainly fast enough, navigable, and doesn't need regular airports to land at. Yeah, that'd be a nice addition! Why just airplanes and helicopters?
You might have to set the date to late December to get it to take off, though.
Crypes almighty, get with the damn program!
A Slinky Jr.
A spinning top which plays a tune and has little weapon stickers on it.
A Boba Fett Pez dispenser
Works for me. I feel great!
Anyone else buy themselves presents?
A feeling of having made the same mistake before: Deja Foobar
That was an "instant classic" as the kids like to say these days.
"Would it kill you to put down the toilet seat?" -- Maya Angelou
When I was a kid, I thought that this was so wonderful. I can remember hearing NORAD's reports on the radio while driving home from Christmas Eve dinner at our grandparents. It was an integral part of christmas for me, and it was quite magical too.
I hadn't thought about it in a long time until I heard this story, and I'm glad I did. It warms my heart to think that a new generation of children is enjoying this, and in new ways thanks to the digital age.
Anyone else have childhood memories of NORAD tracking santa?
"Mister President, our latest test during a midnight clear failed to pick up the intended target, again."
"Well, it's important you boys keep trying, we can't have anything sneaking into our borders, it's important I keep this campaign promise."
"Sir, it did strike a target, we confirm that it mistook an incoming large man wearing a red suit in a sleigh pulled by eight tiny reindeer. Apparently he had a large beard and its anti-terrorist homing zeroed in on it."
"Well, we'll just have to cover up this unfortunate incident. Can't be having children think Santa Claus is dead, it wouldn't do the economy any good. See if Ralph Reed is available to fill in, give the tykes some spiritual guidance."
A feeling of having made the same mistake before: Deja Foobar
The NORAD Santa Report owes its existence to a typo in a local newspaper in Omaha,
Nebraska. In the mid-Fifties, a local department store had an actor impersonating Santa Claus,
that kids could call on Christmas Eve. (Presumably, the guy told the kids that "he'd be right over" and tell them to get to bed early.)
Unfortunately, the number had one digit wrong, which yuppers, patched the rugrats into NORAD.
The somewhat amused personnel, married and with kids themselves (as per regulation,
according to then-current psychological theory) took to saying "Well, we're an Air Force base, not
Santa Claus, but yes, we're tracking Santa right now."
A few winters of this were enough to get everyone's story straight, and to retire the number (except for Santa reports). In 1958, they began releasing live reports to TV and radio stations, casting high-ranking (and often retired) officers asuld get a "full NORAD welcome" (of escorting state-of-the-art fighter jets) if seen over US airspace. Creepy, when you think of it...
teleny, friend of cats.
I am sorry, but the statement "it's more effective to show them *why* doing something is wrong" has no basis in reality. A child LOVES to push against the limits that a parent sets, and with out the threat of punishment they will keep doing what ever they feel like...In reality it is most effective to combine punishment with talking
Is it appropriate that we deliberately deceive our children? Does this make them more or less likely to trust us? Should we be talking about how cute this is, or about what we can do to change the brutally mistaken tradition of conspiring to trick young children?
You're a sad, sad man.
Osama Bin Laden !
Worse.
Norad has completely missed him !
HELP ! SOS ! HELP !
Muchas Gracias, Señor Edward Snowden !
ADVISORY -- ADULTS ONLY
The following text contains descriptions of erotic acts with plush stuffed animals ('plushies'). If you are a minor, or if you believe you may be offended by descriptions of eroticism with plush stuffed animals, please stop reading this text now.
Welcome to alt.sex.plushies!
alt.sex.plushies Frequently Asked Questions Version 3.1
(last revised 30 November 1999)
Table Of Contents:
1) What is 'alt.sex.plushies'?
2) What is a 'plushie'? What is a 'plushophile'?
3) What is a 'fursuit'?
4) What kinds of subjects are discussed on alt.sex.plushies?
5) How do people really feel about their plush companions?
6) Why be intimate with plushies instead of with people?
7) Just what exactly do people do with plushies, anyway?
8) I think I'd like to explore this. How should I begin?
9) Am I welcome here if I like plushies but don't have sex with them?
10) Why is there so little traffic on this newsgroup?
11) What other plushie newsgroups are on the net?
12) Are there any plushie web sites I can browse?
13) Are there fursuit web sites I can browse, too?
14) I've seen some unusual terms used here. What do they all mean?
15) What is the 'Plush Code'?
16) How can I clean a plushie?
17) How can I modify a plushie?
18) Where can I buy plushies on the net?
1) What is 'alt.sex.plushies'?
'alt.sex.plushies' is a newsgroup for adults who have special personal
feelings for plush stuffed animals (and plush puppets, too). It's
also a place where people talk about 'fursuits'. alt.sex.plushies was
newgrouped on August 9, 1994.
2) What is a 'plushie'? What is a 'plushophile'?
A 'plushie' is a plush stuffed animal, like a teddy bear. 'Plushie'
is also sometimes used as a short form for 'plushophile': an adult
who loves or is otherwise attracted to stuffed animals.
3) What is a 'fursuit'?
This is a full-body costume that makes the wearer look like a favorite
animal, or an animal character. Costumes like this are commonly seen
being worn by staff members at amusement parks dressing up as popular
cartoon characters. They're also seen at sporting events where the
team has a mascot in a costume. Since a person in a fursuit looks
(and feels) a lot like a 'living plushie', such costumes are
understandably popular with some plushophiles. Several of us here
have made or bought our own animal costumes.
4) What kinds of subjects are discussed on alt.sex.plushies?
Many people assume that the group is just for talking about sex,
sexual techniques, and ways to modify plushies to use them for sex.
While these subjects certainly all come up, they are far from the
only things that are discussed here. Some other topics that arise
are what kinds of plushies people have, what they look like, where to
buy them, how to make fursuits and other kinds of costumes, what kind
of plushie gatherings are coming up, and just plain conversation
between friends. alt.sex.plushies is a small, friendly group, and
nobody minds if a discussion drifts a bit away from the subject of
plushies now and then. About the only things that are unwelcome are
binary posts, and the SPAM advertisements that flood the whole
alt.sex.* hierarchy.
5) How do people really feel about their plush companions?
While most plushophiles probably feel at least some degree of affection
for their plushies, the ways they express it depend on the individual.
Some may view their plushies as just sex toys, while other plushophiles
love, even venerate their stuffed animals.
6) Why be intimate with plushies instead of with people?
You don't have to choose between one or the other - you can have both
plush and human partners at the same time - but the great thing about
stuffed animals is that they can always be there for you, whenever you
feel the need for intimacy. People can be 'too busy', 'too tired' or
'have a headache', but a plushie will never say 'No!' when you crave
closeness. Stuffed animals can be truly ideal companions. No plush
partner will ever break your heart, give you a disease, or hurt you in
any way. Plushies can bring pure, unfettered happiness into your life,
and if you're open to it, wonderful sensual experiences, as well.
7) Just what exactly do people do with plushies, anyway?
Probably the most common thing plushophiles do with their plushies is
to simply cuddle them. Many of us sleep with our stuffed animals, as
well. Concerning plush sex, two common methods are to hug a plushie
while pleasuring oneself, and to rub against the fur of the plushie
until achieving orgasm. Some people modify their plushies to form a
space for penetration. This can be as simple as an opened seam, or a
more elaborate insert can be constructed. People can also modify a
plushie with a penis-like attachment. Some plushophiles have such
strong feelings for plushies that they can make themselves peak just
by looking at one, or just sniffing its scent. Many other fetishes
can easily be combined with plush sex, as well. Also, you can involve
human partners with plush. Rubbing a plushie against a sex partner's
body is nice, as is 'sandwiching' a partner's body between yours and a
large plushie (or sandwiching the plushie), or frolicking with your
partner in a big pile of plush. The potential ways to use plushies
are really limited solely by the imagination. Indulge freely in your
fancies!
8) I think I'd like to explore this. How should I begin?
First and most importantly, find a stuffed animal that appeals to you
in a very personal way. It may take time, but eventually you'll find
one that's irresistible. If you currently have a stuffed animal that
you've got special feelings for, chances are you've already expressed
those emotions in some intimate manner. In general, probably the best
way to learn about plush love is to take your special plushie to bed
with you, and just cuddle at first. That might be as far as you want
to go, but if the sensations of softness, warmth and closeness bring
on arousal, simply follow your instincts. You'll find that plushies
make very nice love partners. They will gladly do anything you want
and any time you feel like it, so you can totally set your own pace.
Just start with cuddling, and sleeping with your special plushie(s),
and in time, you will learn all the Joys Of Plush(tm) for yourself.
9) Am I welcome here if I like plushies but don't have sex with them?
Certainly! Many of the posters here collect plushies for their
appearance, because they love animals, or various other non-sexual
reasons. There are plenty of things plush collectors can and do
discuss here, whether they are into sexual uses for plushies or not.
Please feel free to join such discussions or start new ones, and just
skip over any other topics that don't interest you. You'll find that
the majority of discussions here are actually not sexual, only a
minority of them are.
10) Why is there so little traffic on this newsgroup?
A lot of people stopped posting to alt.sex.plushies when the SPAM
advertisements flooded the group. a.s.p isn't completely dead, though.
Many of us still monitor the group for on-topic posts, and newcomers
are always welcome. Don't let the SPAM discourage you from joining us!
If you do post to a.s.p, though, *make sure* your Subject: line starts
with a tag like 'PLUSH:'. Most of us have filters that kill posts
whose Subject: line doesn't contain the word 'plush' or 'plushies'.
11) What other plushie newsgroups are on the net?
These Usenet newsgroups are devoted to stuffed animals, too:
alt.fan.plushies
alt.collecting.teddy-bears
alt.collecting.beanie-babies
alt.collecting.beanie-babies.forsale
alt.collecting.beanie-babies.uk
Plushie pictures can be posted to:
alt.binaries.pictures.plushies
alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.plushies
alt.binaries.erotica.beanie-babies
Also, 'alt.lifestyle.furry' is a 'furry' newsgroup where plushophilia
is on-topic, and 'de.alt.fan.pluesch' is a German plushie NG.
12) Are there any plushie web sites I can browse?
Of course! Here are a few for starters:
FoxWolfie Galen's Furry Plushie Page
http://velocity.net/~galen/
(Established in April 1994 - probably the first adult plushie page)
Max's Plushie Page
http://www.sonic.net/~maxi/plush.html
Plush Central
http://www.personal.isat.com/captpackrat/plush/
(Home of the plushieRing)
W e bKitty's Plushies Page
http://www2.hawaii.edu/~mivillan/plushies.html
(Discover 25 reasons why stuffed animals are better than men!)
BlayZe BrightScale's Page
http://come.to/blayze/
>From any of these sites, you can follow the 'PlushieRing' to a number
of other plush-lovers' webpages.
'Plushie Fandom!' is a message board and chat forum for plushophiles
on the World Wide Web. Come join us at:
http://www.delphi.com/plushie_fandom
13) Are there fursuit web sites I can browse, too?
One of the most comprehensive webpages on fursuits is at:
http://www.best.com/~nico/fursuit.cgi
There you will find links to many other fursuit-related webpages.
14) I've seen some unusual terms used here. What do they all mean?
We plushies have come up with a lot of unique jargon over the years.
You can look up the meaning of just about any word or abbreviation we
use at:
http://velocity.net/~galen/plushlex.txt
15) What is the 'Plush Code'?
It's a categorical code of letters and symbols that's used to summarize
ones personal plush preferences. The key to translate someone's Plush
Code can be found at:
http://velocity.net/~galen/plushcod.txt
16) How can I clean a plushie?
This subject is worthy of a FAQ by itself. It's a complex question,
not only because many stuffed animals have individual qualities that
require different approaches to cleaning, but also because it seems
most of us have different ideas about how to clean our plush friends.
As for myself, I think the best way to keep a stuffed animal clean is
to try not to get it dirty in the first place. Most importantly, I
always make sure *I* am clean before I handle or snuggle my plushies,
because inevitably, whatever grime is on my hands, clothes, or body is
going to end up in my cuddlemate's plush. Dirt, dust, body oil, sweat,
skin flakes, hair, lint, even the smoky fallout from one's kitchen -
all these foreign substances will accumulate in a plushie's fur over
time, and getting them out - especially if the fur has become tangled
or matted - can be a major chore. Since most stuffed animals are
'limited editions' which years from now won't be replaceable, keeping
a favorite plushie clean is crucial to prolonging its life.
On a week-to-week basis, the best thing to do for a regularly-cuddled
plushie is to give it a good thorough combing. This will minimize the
tendency for the fur to get tangled and matted. Plush that you have
around the house just for display purposes should be combed at least
once monthly to get the dust out of their fur. Make sure to use a comb
that is dedicated solely for the purpose of grooming your plushies,
though. Anything that is on a comb will work its way into a plushie's
fur, too, and you definitely don't want to get scalp oils, dander, or
the residue of styling gunk embedded into a stuffed animal's plush.
For simple clean-ups, there is an excellent commercial product called
'Bubble G u n d' that works wonders on plush that is moderately soiled.
Spray lightly onto the soiled area, rub it into the plush with a clean
dry towel, let it dry thoroughly, then buff the fur briskly with
another clean dry towel. The results are usually quite pleasing.
Sometimes, however, radical surgery is required to clean a seriously
dirty plushie. This should only be done, though, if you're skilled in
the art of sewing. Undo enough of the seams to completely remove the
stuffing, then hand-wash the plush 'skin' in a dilute solution of a
mild detergent like Woolite. After you're done with the hand-washing,
dry the fur by hand, as well. Re-stuff the plushie using only fresh
new Poly-fil (available at most arts and crafts stores), and re-sew.
Be aware that semen or vaginal fluid can mar plush fur if it's left to
dry untreated. If this concerns you, be sure to comb and dry the fur
thoroughly right after sex, and untangle all the stuck-together plush.
If the sexual fluid has already dried, re-moisten it with a damp
cloth, and then untangle the plush.
Whatever method you choose to clean a plushie, try to avoid soaking the
inner stuffing. Some stuffed animals are indeed made to be machine
washable, but most are not, and getting the stuffing wet will at best
make a plushie undesirably lumpy inside, and at worst, ruin it by
encouraging the internal growth of mold and mildew rot.
17) How can I modify a plushie?
As alluded to above, there are two principal ways people may modify
plushies for sex. One is to form a space for penetration. This type
of modification is called a 'strategically-placed hole' (SPH). The
other basic type of modification is to give a plushie a maleness, for
receptive sex, or simply for anatomical correctness. This is called
a 'strategically-placed appendage' (SPA). The specific techniques of
how to create these modifications are really beyond the scope of this
FAQ, however. If you have questions about mods, though, post them to
the group, and someone will likely know where or to whom to direct you.
18) Where can I buy plushies on the net?
This FAQ used to include a list of plushie resources on the Internet,
but it became too much work to keep it updated. If you'd like to view
this list, go to one of the three sites below, but bear in mind that
each of the new hosts have permission to modify the resources list as
they wish, so the info available at these sites may differ.
http://velocity.net/~galen/sources.html (or */sources.txt)
http://www.spottycat.com/marlos/plushres.html (includes updated info
for Canadian plushie resources)
http://www.sonic.net/~maxi/plushres.txt
Proof of the gay-linux conspiracy!
Osama got run over by a reindeer
Right outside his cave on Christmas eve
Some folks says there's no such thing as Santa,
But now even the Taliban believes
Osama thought we'd never find him,
But even little children know
Santa knows who's been real naughty,
In those hard Afghani mountains capped with snow
Al-Quieda found him Christmas morning
Face down on that mountain pass.
There were hoof marks on his turban,
And a broken reindeer antler up his HO HO HO HO
Osama got run over by a reindeer
Peein' near his cave door Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as karma
But if you saw those hoof marks you'd believe.
Osama got run over by a reindeer
Now he's not around on Christmas day.
He was hoping he's be meetin' Allah
But the only thing he met was Santa's sleigh.
If Bin Laden trains his camels to fly, will the U.S. start to use this technology to track him as well?
Fact: Using the Bible to support any political ideology is highly problematic.
Summary
The New Testament is a liberal's paradise; almost every principle espoused in it is one that liberals -- not conservatives -- espouse today. (The only exceptions are its pronouncements on divorce, sexuality and slavery.) The Old Testament, however, is a conservative haven, filled with pronouncements favoring war, slavery, theocracy, monarchy, wealth accumulation, capital punishment, extreme female submission and more. Interestingly, however, the Old Testament is sexually permissive. Attempting to use the Bible to justify their modern beliefs therefore poses significant challenges to Christian conservatives.
Argument
Does the Bible really espouse conservative philosophies?
Let us briefly run through the politics of the religious right, just so the comparison will be fresh in our memory. Christian conservatives believe firmly in God, country and family. Self-sufficiency and rugged individualism are highly esteemed qualities; people should pull themselves up their own bootstraps. Becoming rich is a keen goal and almost universally admired. Taxes are seen as a curse. Social programs for the poor are a waste of tax-payers' money, and the sort of people on those programs (mostly blacks) are lazy and given to crime. As for criminals, they should feel the full force of the law. And that goes for international criminals as well... a nation should deal with its enemies from a position of strength, and should never be afraid to let them feel the full force of its military might.
Were these the politics of Jesus? Let's take a look:
On defense: Jesus said "Love your enemies" and "Blessed are the peacemakers." "If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also." (Matthew 5:44; 5:9; 5:39.)
On social programs: "If you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven." (Matthew 19:21.)
On rugged individualism and the pursuit of self-interest: "Love your neighbor as yourself." "So in everything, do to others as you would have them do to you." (Matthew 22:39; 7:12.)
On financial success: "Truly, I say unto you, it will be hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven." "You cannot serve both God and Money." (Matthew 19:23; 6:24.)
On the philosophy that "greed is good": "Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions." (Luke 12:15.)
On paying taxes: "Give to Caesar what is Caesar's, and to God what is God's." (Matthew 22:22.)
On crime and punishment: "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." (John 8:7; Matthew 7:1,2.)
On climbing the social ladder: "The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, 'Behold, a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!'" (Matthew 11:19.)
On money-hungry televangelists: "In the temple courts [Jesus] found men selling cattle, sheep and doves, and other sitting at tables exchanging money. So he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple area, both sheep and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables." (John 2:14,15.)
On the free lunch: "Taking the five loaves and two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves... The number of those who ate was about five thousand men..." (Matthew 14:19,21.)
On the perks and privileges of power: "After that, [Jesus] poured water into a basin, and began to wash the disciples' feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him." (John 13:5.)
On moral absolutes: "If any of you has a sheep and it falls into a pit on the Sabbath, will you not take hold of it and lift it out?" "The Sabbath was made for man, and not man for the Sabbath." (Matthew 12:11; Mark 2:27.)
On family: "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters - yes, even his own life - he cannot be my disciple." Also: "'Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?' Pointing to his disciples, he said, 'Here are my mother and my brothers.'" (Luke 14:26; Matthew 12:48,49.)
On race relations: In the parable of the Good Samaritan, Jesus praised the morality of a hated foreigner over his own countrymen. (Luke 10:30-37.)
On the superiority of one's native country: "These twelve Jesus sent out with the following instructions: 'Do not go among the Gentiles or enter any town of the Samaritans. Go rather to the lost sheep of Israel.'" (Matthew 10:5,6.)
On letting others pull themselves up by their own bootstraps: "But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous." (Luke 14:13,14.)
Modern Christian conservatives may be horrified, but there is no getting around the fact: Jesus was not just a liberal, but a radical liberal! In fact, except for one pronouncement on divorce, there is not one text in all four Gospels which even remotely supports or resembles the conservative's most cherished beliefs. It is a standing challenge to the religious right to find a list of Gospel texts, as I have provided here, which advocates the conservative's philosophies. Not one Christian can give a single example, because these texts do not exist.
And if anyone remains unconvinced about the deep liberal slant of Jesus and the early Christian Church, a review of their economic policies should remove all doubt forever. The early Christian Church actually serves as history's second example of pure communism! (The first was the Essenes, who wrote the Dead Sea Scrolls.) In Paul's Christian Church, the fruits of everyone's labor went into a collective pool, which was then divided evenly among everyone in the group. The following passages from Acts of the Apostles are remarkable in this description:
- "All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their
possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need." (Acts 2:44-45).
The New Testament itself is filled with countless calls for a redistribution of wealth from the rich to the poor. As for the rich, they are clearly portrayed as wicked; both Jesus and his apostles condemned them in the harshest terms possible:"All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they shared everything they had... There were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned lands or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales and put it at the apostles' feet, and it was distributed to anyone as he had need." (Acts 4:32,34,35)
- "But woe to you who are rich, for you have already received your comfort.
Woe to you who are well fed now, for you will go hungry." (Luke 6:24,25)
Giving to the poor was not just an act of kindness, it was a Christian duty, and Paul ended his letters with a reminder to send money to the poor in Jerusalem. It was this identification with the poor that led them to attack usury, or the loaning of money for interest, in the bitterest terms, for this was seen as exploitation of the poor. In the end, one cannot read the New Testament and escape the conclusion that the Early Christian Church condemned inequality of wealth as one of the greatest of human sins."Indeed, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." (Luke 18:25)
"People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is the root of all evil." (1 Timothy 6:9,10)
"Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share." (1 Timothy 6:17,18)
"Listen, my dear brothers: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who loved him? But you have insulted the poor. Is it not the rich who are exploiting you? Are they not the ones who are dragging you into court? Are they not the ones who are slandering the noble name of him to whom you belong?" (James 2:5-7)
"Now listen, you rich people, weep and wail because of the misery that is coming upon you. Your wealth has rotted, and moths have eaten your clothes. Your gold and silver are corroded. Their corrosion will testify against you and eat your flesh like fire. You have hoarded wealth in the last days. Look! The wages you failed to pay the workmen who mowed your fields are crying out against you. The cries of the harvesters have reached the ears of the Lord Almighty. You have lived on earth in luxury and self-indulgence. You have fattened yourself in the day of slaughter. You have condemned and murdered innocent men, who were not opposing you." (James 5:1-6)
These observations are a disaster for conservatives who try to use the Bible as moral authority for their political opinions. I have had only a few Christians even try to defend them. I present you with the few counter-arguments I have received:
Jesus came across as radical because he was affecting radical change. True, but you can agree with this observation completely and still not lose sight of the fact that the changes Jesus called for are quite liberal by today's standards.
Jesus was simply representing the positive side of God's message, namely, his love, mercy and forgiveness; it was left to the apostles to describe God's judgment and wrath against sinners. But even in the later books of the New Testament, you cannot find support for such conservative beliefs as a strong national defense, the superiority of one's own people, tax-cuts for the rich, the pursuit of wealth, or the abolition of welfare programs for the poor. These ideas are still strongly condemned. But, to be truthful, there are two issues which the apostles later developed in the New Testament which could be construed as conservative. The first is a profound anti-sexual theme which was not common among Israel (the Jews were quite liberal about sex, as we shall see below); but this anti-sexual bias ran deep throughout the Greek world of Paul's time, where Christianity was to thrive. The second was the apostles' acceptance of slavery. I somehow doubt Christians will be eager to use this latter example.
Times were different in Jesus day; today we have a different economic and social system. With this argument, conservatives abandon their source of authority. To say that Jesus represented his own time is to say that his words do not matter any more. It means that conservatives cannot use the Bible as the moral authority for their modern viewpoints. They may admit that their political views are based on their own logic and reason, but they must stop there, and cease to claim that these views come from the New Testament, because they do not.
The Old Testament is filled with philosophies that conservatives agree with today. This is, in fact, the most common conservative defense. From the condemnation of homosexuals to the praise of wealth and national defense, the Old Testament is indeed a conservative's paradise. And Jesus himself said "Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them." (Matthew 5:17.) But this argument fails on a single point. If the Old Testament were still valid, we would still be obeying it. That is, Christians would still be bringing doves into the temple for slaughter upon the altar. We would still be sinning for planting two different crops in the same field, or wearing two different fabrics at once. Even the least educated Christian knows that a profound difference occurred at the cross, and that a different set of rules came into play. Those rules can be found in the New Testament, and they are overwhelmingly liberal.
Even so, falling back on the Old Testament often backfires for Christian Conservatives. The problem is that the Old Testament goes too far to the right. The Old Testament was not only undemocratic, it featured a monarchy. (1 Samuel 8.) Social inequality not only existed, but was embodied in slavery. In fact, it was legal to beat slaves so severely that they could not get up for a day or two. (Exodus 21:21.) Children were not only expected to respect their parents; their parents could legally kill them if they didn't. (Deuteronomy 21:18-21.) Women not only had a submissive and inferior status to men, they were considered chattel. (Genesis 3:16, Exodus 21:7-11, Numbers 30.) God not only ordered Israel to initiate wars of aggression, but ordered Israel to kill all captive men and non-virgin women, and to bring the virgin women into sexual slavery. (Deuteronomy 7:1,2, Numbers 31.) God even ordered the suckling infants of the enemy to be massacred. (1 Samuel 15:3.)
Interestingly, there is one area of the Old Testament that runs diametrically opposed to the conservative's most cherished values: sexuality. Of course, many conservatives frequently cite the Old Testament laws against incest, homosexuality and bestiality (Leviticus 18:6,22,23). But in almost all other sexual matters, the Old Testament is really quite permissive. There were no laws prohibiting pre-marital and non-marital sex, and only a few stipulations to this liberty were explicitly stated. One was that if a man seduces a virgin, he must pay a bride-price and marry her. (Exodus 22:16.) However, the law says nothing about non-virgins, including divorced or widowed women. Also, a wife found guilty of adultery could be stoned to death along with her lover. (Deuteronomy 22:22.) However, no law prevented a married man from carrying on with as many affairs as he pleased, as long as they were not with other men's wives. For a man, divorce was both legal and easy to obtain, if for no other reason that she displeased him. (Deuteronomy 24:1-4.) Prostitution was illegal for Jewish women, but it was permitted for foreigners. (Deuteronomy 23:17.) However, many Jewish women became prostitutes as well. The practice was widely tolerated by the authorities, and considering how many scriptural warnings were voiced against harlots, it is clear they did a thriving business.
If Christian conservatives find all this alarming, it gets worse. Polygamy was not only allowed, but King Solomon's 700 wives and 300 concubines were recorded as a matter of national pride. (1 Kings 11:3.) Concubines served the role of secondary wives; they were often, but not necessarily, purchased servants. As for purchased female servants, male masters were allowed to have sex with them (Exodus 21:7-11), a practice which Christians defend by claiming that the rights of these slaves were "well-regulated." (!) If a male soldier found a female captive to be attractive, he could force marriage, and therefore sexual relations, on her. (Deuteronomy 21:10-14.) In modern society, this is called rape.
Except for a distinct misogyny and homophobia, the ancient Jews were generally free of sexual repression. Like most cultures and religions of the world, they celebrated heterosexual pleasure as a gift from God. This positive view is reflected in Song of Songs, an erotic poem that even becomes sexually explicit:
- "Listen! My lover is knocking: 'Open to me, my sister, my darling...' I have
taken off my robe -- must I put it on again?... My lover thrust his hand through
the latch-opening; my heart began to pound for him. I arose to open for my
lover, and my hands dripped with myrrh, my fingers with flowing myrrh, on the
handles of the lock, I opened for my lover..." (Song of Songs 5:2-6)
The sexual double entendre here is obvious, and has been the source of embarrassment and controversy to Christians for almost 2,000 years. The standard disclaimer is that the author was really describing God's relationship to his people, a view that even the ancient rabbinic scholars taught. But this is still an embarrassment to the sexually repressed philosophies of Christian conservatives, given the overtly sexual nature of the poem. What is more likely is that the author was engaging in the sort of double entendre that often occurred in ancient Jewish writings. Many of their stories and parables having second meanings, just as many of their character's names are actually puns in Hebrew. It seems that the author of the above poem was engaging in this tradition: writing erotica under the guise of religious metaphor.Rabbinical scholars also taught that both men and women had a right to receive sexual pleasure in marriage.
Jesus did not seem bent on fundamentally reforming Jewish law and culture on sex and marriage. His only statement on the subject was that it was wrong for a man to divorce his wife for any reason, not just adultery. (Matthew 5:31,32, Luke 16:18). It is easy to see the Jewish context in which Jesus was arguing, and that he was only concerned about refining the existing law, not revolutionizing it. (However, Jesus also mentions in Mark 10:12 that a woman cannot divorce her husband and marry another man without committing adultery. Controversy surrounds the point of whether the woman in this case is the initiator of divorce, or merely has been divorced.)
So where did the sexual repression of the New Testament come from? It first surfaces in the writings of Paul, and worsens with the other apostles. That is because these writers generally come from the Greek world, where the anti-sexual philosophies of Greek Stoicism were dominant. Paul was born and raised in Tarsus, an important Greek trading port which was also the birthplace of two famous Stoic philosophers and the site of several excellent Greek schools. Christianity failed to take root in Israel, but it flourished in the Greco-Roman empire. As this new religion swept through that region, it absorbed the anti-sexual tenets of Greek philosophy and then spread them wherever the Christian empire spread, even to the shores of America. Those familiar with this history know that it is horrific; the Church Father Origen, for example, castrated himself in his fear that sexual temptation would deprive him of the kingdom of heaven. And women -- the purveyors of sexual evil -- were so vilified under Christian doctrine that the Inquisition tortured and murdered them for two centuries as "witches". For these reasons, European and American history is filled with a sexual repression and guilt that is unmatched anywhere in the world.
In summary, both the Old and New Testaments offer profound challenges to modern Christian conservatives who wish to quote the Bible as the basis of their political beliefs.
Proof of the gay-linux conspiracy!
So the military is tracking Santa? Hate to think what you are going to do to the poor old bastard, when your missile defence is up an running.
*start chorus*
jingle bell jingle bell
jingle all the way
o what fun is it to ride in a one horse open sleigh
jingle bell jingle bell
jingle all the way
o what fun is it to ride in a one horse open sleigh
*end chorus*
dashing thru the snow
in a one horse open sleigh
o'er the hill we go
laughing all the way
bell's on bob tail ring
making spirit bright
what fun it is to sing and ride in a one horse open sleigh
hey
*chorus*
AND A MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU TOO
HO HO HO
Do you think there will be a terrorist attack on US on Christmas or New Year when everybody is having fun?
Santa?
I remember working at NORAD during Christmas Eve on several occasions. The operator would patch over phone calls from children all over the states. The head officials at NORAD had a transcript prepared for the current events of Santa Claus. Over the course between 5:00pm to about 10:00pm, our office would receive hundreds of phone calls. Most of the callers were shy and very young kids that didn't say more then a few words over the phone. We'd also get the adults calling up either drunk or curious if the whole system was even working.
Even though there is no more "Enhanced Class B" airpace in the U.S., Santa DID get permission to fly from the U.S. government.
The Experimental Aircraft Association filed a flight waiver request for Santa which was granted by the Federal Aviation Administration.
Earlier he got permission directly from U.S. Secretary of Transportation Norman Y. Mineta.
In spite of this, Santa flies VFR (Visual Flight Rules) and it it is up to him to "see and avoid" other traffic in the air.
Ever dream you could fly? Get up from the Flight Sim. I Fly
Santa's not the only one who gets tracked by the US government. There is no privacy in the U.S, airspace system. All aircraft that have been assigned unique transponder codes, usually on an instrument flight plan, can be located and tracked, based on which Air Traffic Control facility has control of the flight.
n G=Google+Search
These sites . will show you the current location of any commercial flight. There are others that will track and locate corporate jets..
http://www.google.com/search?q=flight+tracking&bt
Ever dream you could fly? Get up from the Flight Sim. I Fly
the link to main page works right, but in that page all the Realmedia links don't work.... oh wait... no surprise, they're hosted on AOL :)
Stop and think - why do we spend years of our children's lives trying to convince them that this invention of the Greeting Card, Soda, and Department store industries is really true? Then, we are quite astonished when years later they come up not believing in God etc. Yet another example of a crazy culture.
Is this news for nerds?
"It's even cooler how it shows the family values side of our government"
Which comes back as "A PR budget".
BTW, Governments have no family values, nor souls or sentiments.
Just a greed to increase their Rule.
Hoping to read from you in the future (I mean, if the FBI don't come to arrest me for Anti-US thought...also, if NaZi ModeRatOr don't make me -20 / Troll, which is why I will AC for now 8p )
Santa is an anagram of Satan.
Both like the colour red.
Never seen together at the same time.