Slashdot Mirror
Dave Barry Answers Alert Slashdot Readers' Questions
1) It's me, Dave
by digitalhermit
Dave:
You should remember me. I'm the guy that shook hands with you that day, two years ago, during the Tropic Hunt in Hollywood. You also signed the napkin I found near the garbage can. I know that it was a clue, but I don't understand why you didn't mention it when you read off the official answers to the Hunt. Clearly the contents were a reference to your many columns on boogers. I still have that napkin and will return it to as soon as you send me your home address.
Anyway, my question is:
How has your life changed since you won a Pullet Surprise? Is the fame and money and gorgeous babes throwing themselves at your feet worth it?
Kwan
PS How much do I need to pay you to get my name in one of your next columns?
Dave:
The best thing about winning the Pulitzer is, about once every ten years you can say (or write) to some jerk who is attacking you in a nasty manner: "Oh yeah? Well I won the Pulitzer." Actually, come to think of it, you can say this even if you DIDN'T win the Pulitzer. Nobody ever checks.
But there are no babes, with the Pulitzer. And the money is (at least when I won) $3,000, which is about what you spend on beer for your friends when you win the Pulitzer.
2) Humour in times of crises
by Anonymous Coward
Hey Dave,
I'm curious about what you think about humour (Canadian spelling) in times of crises. Just before 9/11, I read Bob Hope's autobiography dealing with Pearl Harbour and how important everyone thought it was to keep people laughing because a) it was important for morale and b) it was important to show the Japanese that they hadn't destroyed what it meant to be American.
This doesn't seem to be the case at all after 9/11 (and most recently the loss of Columbia), with the most glaring example being the removal of the Spider-Man trailer (catching a helicopter in a web strung between the two World Trade towers).
What are your thoughts on this and of humour in times of crises in general?
Dave:
I think we in the humor business were fairly self-conscious right after 9-11, but pretty quickly we got back to what we do, which is try to amuse people. I think we do this more to make people like us than to meet any deep national psychic need. Also most of us have no useful skills to fall back on.
So to the extent that humor changes in times of crisis -- and I don't think it does much -- it's more because that's what we think the audience wants. And pretty soon the audience goes back to whatever it thought was funny before.
3) Corruption in Miami City Government
by Nova Express
Dear Dave,
Once you characterized Miami's endemic corruption (and here I would like to note that Endemic Corruption is a good name for a rock band) was so pervasive that Miami would benefit by being taken over by the Mafia, since then at least COMPETENT criminals would be running the city. In light of that, I'd like to ask you: What's the strangest thing you've ever lit on fire?
Whoops, sorry, that was the FBI Carnivore guys monitoring my computer who slipped that last one in. (Motto: "You're Not Authorized to Know Our Motto.") No, the real question is, has Miami's corruption gotten better or worse since you wrote that, and what would you and Carl Hiaasen do if Miami eliminated its Supersized Corruption and merely went with the Small Corruption with Fries enjoyed by other large American cities?
Dave:
I think it's as bad as it ever was, but maybe a little smarter. And if Miami ever straightened itself out, Carl would become a bonefishing guide, and I would become... I dunno. Maybe a bonefish.
4) Joke Tracking Center
by long_john_stewart_mi
In "Dave Barry's Greatest Hits", there was a column entitled "Public-Spirited Citizens Such As You" where you talk about a joke that answers the question, "Why is Walter Mondale nicknamed 'Fritz'?" You ask that everybody write in to The Joke Tracking Center as soon as they hear the joke. I haven't heard the joke, and that question has been keeping me up all night for the past 10 years. Why is Walter Mondale nicknamed Fritz? Also, does The Joke Tracking Center employ bad joke/pun writers? My dad is currently unemployed, and I'm sure he would fit right in.
Dave:
The original joke -- revealed here for the first time -- is that Walter Mondale is called "Fritz" because there is no Norwegian name for "Peckerhead." That may not sound funny now, but, trust me, it was also not funny when I first thought it up. It's HARD to think up jokes. This is probably why the Joke Tracking Center didn't work out. It was supposed to be based on the hurricane-tracking center. The idea was, we would insert a new joke into the nation (I believe we inserted it in Ohio) and then track it as it spread. But the Mondale joke was SO bad that nobody bothered to repeat it, and it died. So did the Joke Tracking Center, which has no organization and no employees. But it still gets junk mail. Which leads us to the obvious question...
5) Obvious Question
by Alien54
What would be your ideal solution for Spam (as in Internet Junk E-mail?)
I've had a good response to the idea of an internet spammer hunting license or season, complete with cute orange ear tags for the spammers.
Dave:
Maybe the solution is for us to stop being so negative. Maybe we should actually buy all the spammers' products -- their low-interest mortgages, and their penis enlargers -- so they will become rich and happy and mellow, and they will decide voluntarily to stop hassling us.
Just kidding! I favor castration.
6) Who are we?
by chrysrobyn
Mr. Barry,
As a nationally syndicated author, you're in quite a high profile position. I have no doubt that, had this interview not come up, you'd be busy doing things you get paid to do.
That said, why did you agree to do this interview? Did you think it would be a neat thing to do? Is this another way for people to learn about your column, or are you learning more about what's on the minds of your readers? Are we going to get our own article written about us (no doubt that would be a funny and possibly humbling experience)? As someone from "the outside world", do you see us as a bunch of people with wide backgrounds and experiences, or are we the teenage boy group that TV tells us owns and authors the internet?
Dave:
I agreed to do this interview because I really and truly want to interact with you, my readers. Also, Slashdot is paying me $127,000.
6a) (addon/followup) by Mr Guy
Also, if you respond to this interview while drunk, is there the dangerous possibility your drinks would be tax deductible?
Dave:
That is a risk I am willing to take.
7) Personal Technology Wishes
by Nonsanity
Looking forward based on today's cutting-edge research (the sort of news Slashdot often reports), what technology do you find yourself impatient to get your hands on today, or which technologies aren't advancing as fast as you would wish?
Dave:
I'm always looking for a newer, smaller, lighter laptop computer. I want a laptop so small and light that sometimes I accidentally suck it up one of my nostrils. I also would like to have a cell phone that enabled me to jam the cell phones of people around me.
8) Hiroshima
by Bonker
Mr. Barry... I own several of your books, as well as a copy of the 'Big Trouble' movie. (I hope you're getting some kind of royalties for that...). In all of your writing, the piece that I felt was the most powerful was your segment on visting Hiroshima in 'Dave Barry does Japan' and witnessing the holiday celbrated in rememberance of the bombing. You've written a few more very serious pieces, such as the column on your visit to one of the 9-11 crash sites.
My question is why do you not do more serious columns and articles like these more often? While I think that your columns and humor articles are great (milk-through the nose funny, frequently) I can't help but feel that the Hiroshima and 9-11 articles were better.
Dave:
First, thank you. Second, my bread and butter (and of course beer) comes from writing humor; this is how I make my living, and this is what the newspapers who publish my weekly column expect from me. I sometimes like the challenge of writing serious pieces, but usually this is when I'm faced with a really serious topic -- such as 9-11 or Hiroshima -- that forces me to be somber. Usually I don't WANT to be somber.
9) When you vote....
by Anonymous Coward
When you vote, do you vote for the candidate that is going to make your job easier as a humor columnist? Or do you actually try to vote for the best canditate?
Dave:
I look at all the attributes of each candidate -- philosophy, integrity, experience -- and then I vote for myself.
10) How much fame?
by cpeikert
Dave,
are you often recognized "on the street"? What I mean is, you're obviously very famous and have tons of fans. But at the same time, I get the sense that you have more of a "cult" following and maybe aren't as well-recognized as, say, Ben Affleck or Chris Rock. Do you have to change your daily routine to avoid being swarmed by adoring fans, or do or do you enjoy relative anonymity in your daily life?
PS - you recently wrote that Michigan ranked among the stupidest states because we have an "official state soil." I heartily agree, but boy did your column provoke some angry letters in the Kalamazoo Gazette!
Dave:
I get recognized a fair amount in Miami, but it's a low-key thing; people sometimes say hello, or compliment me on a column, or fire a revolver my way, but usually they deliberately aim for an extremity. Outside of Miami, I get recognized occasionally, but it's not a regular thing, except of course in Kalamazoo, where I am a god.
Free bonus question: Is it painfull
by geekoid
Dave,
Is it painfull to read all these attempts at asking a 'funny' question?
Dave:
These questions were supposed to be funny?
---
Yup, you only paid him 42 cents. Now I know why there are all those Communist Russia trolls at -1 on this site.
Heh.
/^[A-Z0-9._%+-]+@[A-Z0-9.-]+\.[A-Z]{2,4}$/i
Ever since I started college, my grandmother never fails to cut out the dave barry column and send it to me...I know I could read it online, but nothing beats holding the newsprint in your hand and laughing.
Talk Like Pirates day is the best. Dave Barry rules. That is all.
The anti-salmon
You paid him $127,001 because the firewall settings wouldn't let you get the money off localhost.
Ok, not really. Maybe the first with the good karma modifier though :)
:)
I read Dave Barry's book on the internet/computers a long time ago. It was funny as hell. I think the funniest part was the discussion of Jerry Pournelli's article in byte magazine, painting him as the archetypal PC user, illustrating why we didn't use Macs. I mean, if a computer always works, it just isn't fun
That would certanly explain why so many people use Linux on the desktop these days *ducks*
autopr0n is like, down and stuff.
You paid him $127,001 because the firewall settings would only let you get the money off localhost.
I'll bet ol Dave is just thrilled to finally be interacting with all his fans here on slashdot...
All the best,
--Bob
Now THIS is a column!
Like Bill Shatner's responses some weeks ago it looks like Dave just bashed out some plain vanilla answers. No substance.
You would at least expect some witty rejoinder to the first questioner's detailed mention of how he met Dave.
A bit lame I'm afraid.
If you don't want to repeat the past, stop living in it.
That's Pulitzer, moron
I am frankly astounded that you couldn't recognize that as a joke.
All employees must wash hands before seeking equitable relief.
Dear Dave,
You have made me laugh out loud more times than I can count.
Rock on.
Wil
Comment removed based on user account deletion
That's Pulitzer, moron.
I bet you don't think Dave Barry is funny, either.
Are you one of the retards who mods everything modded "+1 Funny" down?
To ensure perfect aim, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target
Dave Barry is a national treasure!
I think he should be recognized as such, and as such, he should be surrounded at all times by jersey walls, and many security personnel.
He should be protected, for his own good and the country's good. Even if it means keeping him under house arrrest. Even if it means keeping him in one of those subterranean fortresses surrounded by vast amounts of concrete. He can write his humorous columns in troll-like solitude in the murky darkness, protected and safe.
Only then can we be assured of his the continuance of his fractured take on society that is so desperately needed in these harsh modern times. Then and opnly then. My only question is...
Who's with me?
(Dave if you're reading this, I have a big red van, so if you see me and several of my milita freinds dressed as ninjas and sneaking into your house at night to save you, don't worry.)
www.avacal.com -- the home page of pete shaw
What is it about him I don't like? He's like the Robin Williams of print. All he does is talk and talk and talk, but if you actually listen to what he's saying, he's not saying anything funny.
DB's humor is "wry" rather than "cynical". I bet you think Jay Leno's (cruel/hateful/cynical)humor is funny.
To ensure perfect aim, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target
Try reading again, this time after pulling the thumbtack out of your buttock.
First, I would like to let you know that out of respect for your opinion, I will not respond in any way to how you might respond to me.
Having that been said, I must ask.
Could you give us an example of what you think is funny? This is strictly for the purpose of comparison.
I think "The Robin Williams of Print" would be a great name for a band.
I'd double-check to make sure they didn't pay you in stock.
You have to wonder when you see some of the comments on the DB answers why someone like him would bother. While it's possible there will be a few new readers, it's more likely the same people who already like/hate him who are reading this.
A number of years ago I was acting as a moderator at an online service that had hopes of becoming the next AOL. I scored what I thought (at the time) was a major coup in getting Robert X. Cringely (not sure if it was the PBS one or his predecesor) to come to a chat. I promoted the heck out of it, and even made sure to have extra resources set aside for the crowd.
Twenty people "showed up", ten of whom were obviously there to heckle, and eight of whom had a particular column they wanted to discuss/critique/praise him for.
I remember apologizing profusely at the end of the hour, and him being rather generous and saying it was ok because he liked people, and at least he didn't get any pie on him.
Are we supposed to feel sorry for the humorless? Do you also mean to imply that there is a Norweigen phrase for 'Peckerhead'?
Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. - Mark Twain
I must speak out for the "silent majority" that does not find Dave Barry funny whatsover.
You're not silent if you're speaking out.
I laugh exactly 0 times from this interview, for a grand total of 0 for all the Dave Barry stuff I've read tried to read.
Do you want a refund? (Maybe we should we all post how many times we laughed from each article we read.)
All he does is talk and talk and talk, but if you actually listen to what he's saying, he's not saying anything funny.
Ah, there's the problem. If you listen to what he's saying, his columns aren't going to be very funny. See, that's not how most of us read his columns. Just look at his mug shot. Then you'll laugh.
To each their own I guess, but others who hate Dave Barry, please rally here.
Now that sure sounds like a fun club to belong to!
Didn't ANYBODY think to ask him the obvious question? I'd really like to know if he uses Ninnle Linux.
He's got my vote!
i am so upset!
;-P
shatner and barry have ruined my entire sheltered fanboy life.
i have a razor sharp appreciation of what is important and what is not important in life so here goes:
dave's responses weren't as witty/ hilarious/ exciting/ sardonic as i expected.
i went into the interview with a preconceived notion of what i deserve during my lunchbreak reading experience and i was not satisfied.
since the world revolves around me, i expect slashdot and dave barry to do something about it!
rewrite until i am ecstatic and satisfied to my exacting standards as my standards are the only ones that matter.
thank you.
intellectual property law is philosophically incoherent. it is your moral duty to ignore it or sabotage it
Okay, this may sound a little... I dunno, preachy, but this is something that's been bothering me a great deal recently. Is it necessary to use the word "hate" when you really mean "dislike"?
Honestly, the KKK hates blacks... Nazis hate Jews. But, I have a great deal of difficulty thinking you actually "hate" Dave Barry.
I only say this because, IMHO, it's a word that is thrown around WAY too often without any real thought put into its meaning. Yes, that really does sound preachy... but, honestly, given the kind of crap we're living through today (war, terrorism, racism, etc), I think the world could do with a little less hate.
Now George Carlin or Lewis Black - they've got some hate to spew. And the fact that they are actually making jokes based on their personal beliefs and how they see the world - makes it that much better. Although, this may not be the case with Barry, Leno is just making an obvious observation about the flavor of the week; I don't get the impression that he cares one way or another about the jokes he makes.
I hate liberals. If you are a liberal, do not reply.
I know I like shitting MY pants! And then sitting down and feeling the SQUISH....
Word up on that, yo. I don't find his stuff funny either, but my fiancee does. She thinks the dude is hysterical, but I just keep telling her that it's her uterus roaming--then she gives me a silly look. Go figure.
"Also, Slashdot is paying me $127,000"
He does realize, of course, that all that money came from banner ads, right?
I don't know if I've ever read anything by him before. I might have, once or twice. I think I remember seeing an alt.fan.dave-barry ng, or was that a .die.die.die? Maybe both.
Anyway, I laughed once, at the idea of a cell phone capable of jamming.
I saw some more attempts at being funny. They did not provoke the same erection. rejection. reaction. (<-- like that)
Belief is the currency of delusion.
How has your life changed since you won a Pullet Surprise?
That's Pulitzer, moron.
[/quote]
You know what's ironic? You post a message demonstrating a complete lack of understanding, and you title your post Idiocy prevails.
My future's determined by Thieves, thugs, and vermin -- The Offspring
As a Norwegian, I can answer that: Peckerhead => Pikkhode.
Like many humorists, he was most funny when he made a splash on the screen.
I remember in the mid 1980's enjoying Dave Barry's columns that people would transcribe into email for the benefit of readers like me that didn't get his local newspaper out of the midwest. I really looked forward to reading those columns (such as the one about doing home improvement projects with wood chisels as screwdrivers, etc.)
The same observation seems to apply to every generation of comics: Voltaire, Ambrose Bierce, Milton Berle, Rodney Dangerfield, Lenny Bruce, George Carlin, Bill Cosby, Flip Wilson, Robin Williams, Eddie Murphy, Tim Allen, Dave Letterman, Jerry Seinfeld, Jay Leno...
Currently I kind of like the writing of P.J. O'Rourke in the Atlantic. I'll probably grow tired of it eventually, but his last piece on Bill Clinton's post-presidency had me in tears.
"Provided by the management for your protection."
Lets be honest, it wasn't a Pulitzer Prize winning joke, was it.
Dear Dave:
Would you mind repeating that backhanded comment on spammers in your weekly column that I get in the back of Washington Post Magazine? The: "yeah, lets buy your penis enlargers and getaway vacations," followed by: "CASTRATION!!!"
I would photocopy it, hilite the relevant phrases, then mail it to as many spamhaus-related mailing addresses I can dig up.
PSYCHOLOGICAL VICTORY!!!
Thanks, pr0ntab
Fuck Beta. Fuck Dice
Once upon a time, I found Dave occasionally funny. No longer. I sometimes wonder if the reason he ditched his first wife was to rediscover material related to having a new baby (which wasn't funny from the other four bazillion erstwhile humorists who thought we'd enjoy reading about their cute kid - and I have a kid, so I have experienced all these things myself.)
Perhaps Dave will need to go for wife #3 to recharge his muse...
We didn't pay him $127,000 to do this
I thought the rate was $127,001. Or is that just for in-house articles?
Is it just me, or is there something odd about people imitating Barry's humor when addressing him? It's like meeting Kissinger and switching to a deep heavily-accented voice, or meeting Marlee Matlin and gesticulating wildly in made-up ESL.
I assume he finds his own humor funny, because it reflects his sense of humor, but he may think Chris Rock is even funnier...
I've read a fair amount of Dave Barry's columns, and he can be very funny, but sometimes he has an off day and he sounds just like the Barry-esque questions that he was asked...forced, dorky, and painfully self-referential.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil
Frankly, I'm astounded that you could recognize that as a joke.
"The wise man proportions his belief to the evidence." -- David Hume
I sometimes like the challenge of writing serious pieces, but usually this is when I'm faced with a really serious topic -- such as 9-11 or Hiroshima -- that forces me to be somber. Usually I don't WANT to be somber.
I'm sure he meant to say "sober".
Some people actually think Jerry Seinfield is funny. These same people see the humor in linoleum, digestive tract surgery, or public floggings. Let's just say we disagree, and that you're full of so much gas that it's compressing your brain. There. Now I feel better.
The Russians have won. They have made the world a cesspool of distrust, greed, fear and hate.
He was in Springfield, OH giving a "lecture" and there was a middle-aged woman acting as an interpreter for the deaf sitting off to the side of the stage doing sign language in real-time.
Dave described how Miami drivers like to give each other the one-finger salute, then immediately turned his head toward the interpreter. The audience followed his gaze and looked over to stage-right as she was finishing his last sentence.She was flipping us off!
You were 80% angel, 10% demon. The rest was hard to explain. - Over The Rhine
"Math in a song is good."-Linford
I've been sold on Dave Barry ever since reading a fortune cookie program that quoted him on breakfast cereal (making fun of the all-too-frequent tag line "a part of this complete breakfast").
But apparently, this is not funny for a silent alleged "majority". Oh well. I prefer being in a minority.
> He's like the Robin Williams of print.
:)
Only less hairy.
- Sighuh?
For those that enjoy Dave Barry's work, I heartily reccomend Bill Bryson. He's a travel author, and except for a short stint after returning to America (which can be found in book form, I'm a Stranger Here Myself), he doesn't do columns. He writes travel books, but they are hands down the funniest books I have ever read.
The first book I bought of his, In a Sunburned Country, I started reading on the bus home. Halfway, I had to stop because I was laughing uncontrollabley, and it was getting embarassing. Bill Bryson is that good.
127,000 wasn't the money you were being offered - it was part of the return path for the email they sent you, slashdot being notorious spammers. 127.0.0.0
As for castration, I think CowboyNeal would be the most amenable of the bunch.
Inconceivable!
If you don't find Dave funny then why did you bother reading and posting?
Stop bitching. If you don't like it, don't read it!
Never understimate the power of human stupidity -Lazarus Long
Does Dave Barry lose geek points because he missed the obvious "$127,001" joke?
Am I a huge geek for even noticing the chance at a joke there, or just sad?
Do I lose or gain geek points for even bringing this up?
PS- Dave Barry is still teh r0Xor.
At first I thought you said it was her uterus roaring... Because how could you not laugh at that?
We didn't pay him $127,000 to do this, no matter what anyone says.
Thank God! I was close to doubting Slashdot's journalistic integrity.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to read all 127 writeups on the CPU review at Tom's Hardware.
Yea, Mr. Smartypants, spoiling MY fun on the Mitnick interview, did not come out with any complaints of funny questions this time did he!
--GuyMannDude
HA!
Eve Fairbanks says I drive a hybrid!LOL
If you find him so unfunny, and you already knew you think he is unfunny, why did you bother reading the article?
I find hitting myself on the head with a frozen tuna uncomfortable, so I don't do it...simple as that!
Thank you for your wit, insights and wisdom over the years.
sig
Doh! The plastic and duct tape were to restrain any Al Qaida operatives which citizens might happen upon - we thought *that* was obvious.
I think "The Robin Williams of Print" would be a great name for a band.
I always wanted to be the "Three Stooges of Print", but the publisher had technical problems mass reproducing finger holes in the paper. Nyuk nyuk nyuk!
My favorite gag was the Klingon Relationship Advice hot-line.
Table-ized A.I.
I don't believe that these questions were ever really submitted to Dave Barry, or that these are his answers. Here are my reasons:
Let's see some proof. Ask Dave to do something innocuous, like add a note about slashdot in his blog, or put a little
Next week: Slashdot interviews God
SA
California, The San Joaquin Soil was designated the Official State Soil of California on August 20, 1997 by Governor Pete Wilson.
http://www.pssac.org/stasoil1.htm
and sometime the one who responses
I just can't believe it. I feel dazed and stunned. My life has lost it's meaning. Once again my hopes for the human race have been ruined.
If you don't see the humor in using burlap soaked in boiled linseed oil as quality luxury flooring, well, I guess you just aren't looking hard enough.
KFG
foldplay your photos won't know what hit them.
Please make sure to write in the body of the comment as well as the subject. Failure to do so is grounds for revocation of one's account.
who said any of them were supposed to be funny?
If I ask a humorist directions, and he gives them to me, where is my cause for dissatisfaction? ( Unless he gives me "joke" directions off a pier or something).
KFG
It is Ninja, not "Ninjas"
You have three fish.
you are about to be killed by three Ninja.
The Kruger Dunning explains most post on
I've got a question... Are you merely failing to be funny, or are you staggeringly humor impaired?
Does he consider each wife he has his Scarlet Woman ala Aleister Crowley... Using these women as "inspiration" for his lifestyle.
This
News: Dave Barry Answers Alert Slashdot Readers' Questions - Slashdot - 54 minutes ago
Neato!
Our intelligent designer has never created an animal that we couldn't improve by strapping a bomb to it.
And if this were digital media, it would most likely be ILLEGAL under the DMCA or other such bassackwards legislation. If the newspaper had their way, this would fall under some DRM scheme. It's certainly where we're headed...
Nice country we live in, huh?
Sorry for the off-topic rant... but this is exactly the sort of "fair use" thing that's worth fighting to keep in the new world of Digital Restrictions Management.
-S
--- What parts of "shall make no law", "shall not be infringed", and "shall not be violated" don't you understand?
When you vote, do you vote for the candidate that is going to make your job easier as a humor columnist? Or do you actually try to vote for the best canditate?
Too bad he didn't give a serious answer. I doubt he actually votes for himself every time.
'mmmmmmmmm.... forbidden donut'
>>As a Norwegian, I can answer that: Peckerhead=> Pikkhode.
/.
Not quite, that would be "dickhead".
Anyone got a good translation for "pecker"?
"tissefant" just doesn't cut it...
(never thought i'd discuss norwegian "anatomy" on
For instance, much of his response was not 'funny' per se, but I almost hurt myself when I got to: Sure, it's not *about* anything, but it's funny in it's style, how it catches you off-guard. Thows something entirely silly into an otherwise boring boilerplate remark.
And now that I've analyzed the hell out of it, I'm not sure It's funny anymore. Dave Barry's humor is a "You had to be there" type funny.
"Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge"
- Charles Darwin
According to this post, the Joke Tracking Center can be contacted at:
Joke Tracking Center
PO Box 011509
Miami, FL 33101
Looks like it's time to send one of those USPS postcards that you can send online...
and here's the corrected address:
JOKE TRACKING CENTER
PO BOX 11509
MIAMI FL 33101-1509
Now let's all be good citizens and send our fritzspotting records to Dave! I wonder if a post office has ever been slashdotted before...
Are you talking about me, or the original poster?
My future's determined by Thieves, thugs, and vermin -- The Offspring
He's funnier than William Shatner, that's for damn sure.
The interview questions made me shake my head in embarassment as a /. reader. The answers were about as good as anyone could do. The last question really summed it up.
What I do picture as funny is the dorks who got their questions modded up, sitting there excitedly reading the response, hoping for any acknowledgement of their "witty" question, and getting nothing. Oh, the rationalizations that must follow "He just didn't get it!", "Dave Barry just isn't funny", or hopefully "God, I AM a loser fanboy".
My beliefs do not require that you agree with them.
I agree, though I will say that I prefer the boring unfunny humorist to the masses to at least not be meanspirited, and (for the very small amount of Barry's writing that I've seen) he isn't. He writes in a readable, trimmable newspaper style, which isn't exactly rocket science (it's barely Print Journalism 100) but which does make him accessible. It appeals to ma and pa america - for them, this is racy and insightful. Which is all fine but I can't figure out WTF he was doing getting interviewed on slashdot. Not that I really care - better than another dupe! - but the dull results kind of speak for themselves.
He's the same type as Garrison Keillor really, without all the Lutheran jokes and less funny. Not that Keillor was ever that funny, but Barry is even more lowest common denominator, less quirky as he tries to be the everyman.
Maybe it's the lack of Lutheran jokes.
I have always thought "Penny Arcade" sucked ass and has never been funny, but you don't see anybody trying to rally people on Slashdot about it.
:-)
;)
If it's not funny to you, that's ok. Really. Just read something that *does* make you laugh.
I'm sure that people laugh at "Family Circus" too, but I'm not one of them. *shrug* Just pass it on and read Garfield instead.
I can't believe I learned something on slashdot today. I specifically chose the most content-free discussion I could find just to avoid this. You bastard. Now I'm going to have to get more details.
(turns out the burlap is just backing - the flax oil is combined with ground cork to make the actual floor)
Let me guess ... next your going to gloat about not having a televison, right??
That would seem funny to the signless, but the people actually watching her would have seen her "quote" the bird before delivering it. You could get the same effect from just about any context-free word or syllable. If a comedian delivers a rip-roaring line ending in the word "applicant" and turn on your hearing aid just in time for the last syllable, you see an audience laughing at someone exclaiming "Cunt!".
If he really is a sight-gag kind guy who makes his living through newsprint, I really must learn more about this amazing method or technology.
Ok, let me get this straight:
You loaded slashdot, saw "Dave Barry Answers Alert Slashdot Readers' Questions", clicked "Read More...", scrolled past the interview, clicked reply, typed in this moronic response, and hit submit? All this for a guy you don't like?
I mean absolutely no offense whatsoever, but I believe I speak for a great many people when I say, fuck you!
Mod down posts with a "Free Mac Mini/iPod" sig, they're spam!
And if you don't like the OP's comment, don't read and reply to it.
I don't find you informative, but you don't see me suppressing my own pointless commentary. What would become of slashdot if everyone did that? Huh?
And I meant to type "coagulated" linseed oil. That would have been funnier, but I spent an hour cleaning out my old paint pantry this morning and the "boiled" just slipped out of my fingers somehow.
Hey, just so I don't ruin your day even further did you know that Formica got it's name because it was, literally, invented For Mica, a mica substitute, as an electrical insulating material, and that it's made primarily from kraft paper?
Because if you don't, I'll just keep my mouth shut.
It's amazing how many of our "luxury" items are really made from garbage (literally) and other bits of old junk that people would be hesitant to pay a dime for if they knew what it really was.
KFG
Did you know that "loving spaghetti" is legal in the State of Texas? ("Loving meatballs", however, is still a Class C misdemeanor, punishable with a fine of up to $500.)
I hope nobody's patented this yet, but it works like this:
1. You write words that are chosen specifically for their descriptive qualities.
2. Literate people read these words.3. Little .avi files magically play in the readers' brains.
4. Oh, and, uh... Profit!!
You were 80% angel, 10% demon. The rest was hard to explain. - Over The Rhine
"Math in a song is good."-Linford
Ahhhhh!!! It all makes SENSE now!
the preceding comment is my own and in no way reflects the opinion of the Joint Chiefs of Staff
It's called "humor." It is not the same thing as comedy.
Read Mark Twain's "How To Write A Story" for a good reference.
With humour, there is no pause for effect, no knock-em-dead punchline. Good humor produces a smile which gradually widens, eventually turns into a giggle that escapes when you least expect it, and occaisionally ends up as milk squirting out of your nose.
Hear Hear!
Mr Barry is trite and obvious. His humour seems to be written by a 13 year old straight-man. Sarcastic quips might play well in Middle America(TM), but Mr. Barry is barely a step above a sarcastic Fart Joke. Like I said in the "Question Request Thread", Mr Barry is The smug literary equivalent of Martha Stewart.
I dont get it, are Mr. Barry's fans the same people who keep Friends and Fraser at the Top o' The Charts?
If you don't think the word "weasel" is amusing in and of itself, Dave probably can't do anything for you. Humor is very subjective, which explains why the Simpsons are still on the air 6 years after the laughter died for me...
Or "Print's Robin Williams" ... bravely ran away, away...
That's Pulitzer Prize , not Pulitzer Moron , moron!
the preceding comment is my own and in no way reflects the opinion of the Joint Chiefs of Staff
There were 41 questions moderated up to 5 in the original interview. see them here if you like. If you'll notice, there were only about 12 questions forwarded to Dave Barry. The slashdot admins were the ones who had to pick and choose those final questions, using the moderators just as their guide.
This is of course inavoidable given the limitations of the slashdot moderation system.. I mean, it isn't like they could send dave barry forty questions.
Anyway the unpicked ones were more or less the same kind of stuff as the questions asked, but a few were slightly less humorous / set-up-knock-down and more direct and probing, like questions on Barry's thoughts on fair use or dog redundancy.
(Yes, my question was put to 5 in the original discussion but not sent.. nooo, not that i'm bitter or anything ^_^ okay, i'm going to go crawl back under my rock now. Sorry)
Irritable, left-wing and possibly humorous bumper stickers and t-shirts
And Kansas
The state soil of Kansas is Harney Silt Loam.
[ ]
Amazing how truth is the funniest humor of all! I just got back from Miami, and I still don't understand how they keep their cars on the road (most of the time). It's quite a trick steering in Miami, with one fist on the horn and the other hand poking the finger out the window.
When you rent a car in Miami, take the optional insurance!
$127 0 0 1
What comes first, finding a teacher or becoming a student?
That's always been my impression. A pasteurized, apolitical, dull-normal PJ O'Rourke ghola grown in an axolotl tank, employed by the Bene Tleilaxu to comment on household plumbing and vacations and zany headlines and stuff like that.
You can almost see a glint of O'Rourke-ness screaming soundlessly in some shut-off corner of his brain while he cheerfully turns out inoffensive stuff about other people's grammatical errors and how funny foreigners talk.
He's got that Woody Allen thing going on, where a basically unpleasant person takes your money and then free-associates his resentments and bitterness at you, until you want to go take a shower. There's a thin line, and Carlin's gone over it. The stage persona of being a bitter, lonely crank who hates people is entertaining. ACTUALLY being a bitter, lonely crank who hates people is embarrassing and off-putting.
Dave Barry as a ghola? ROFL!
Yes, after all, Florida's local authorities are clearly anti-Bush...
RMN
~~~
Dave Barry is hilarious because of seeing humor in ordinary things that most of us miss. I first read him when my 26-year-old was 6 in a fledging magazine called New Shelter. He had a column, "Don't Ask Dave".
Q: My new house is very nice in every way, except that it appears to be moving, sometimes several hundred miles in a single day.
Dave: Like many new homeowners, you have made the common mistake of building your home on an active glacier.
Q: Our new home has a severe problem with bats. How do we get rid of them?
Dave: On a dark, full moon night, you need to drive a stake through the bats' hearts. But don't forget that they sleep upside down, because there is nothing worse than an angry bat with a stake through its spleen.
And I think "Hans Blix and the U.N. Inspectors" would be a really, really great name for a rock band.
Has it been over a year since you last donated to the Electronic Frontier Foundation
What do you consider funny? Honest question. My family and I find Dave Barry hilarious, but I understand some may not. OTOH, I don't find MadTV funny, while many do.
A deep unwavering belief is a sure sign you're missing something...
The answer is no, and nor will one ever be. That would require geeks to actually let go of the mouse, turn away from the monitor, pick up a pen, and maybe even [gasp] leave the house to buy stamps or get to the mailbox. Nope, not going to happen.
Belloc
I got more rhymes than Jamaica got Mangoes.
Jerry Pournelle .
Well... Nothing really beats "Evil Petting Zoo", though.
:Wq
Not an editor command: Wq
You. "Pullet Surprise" was clearly a joke. It's too funny to be a real mistake :)
A deep unwavering belief is a sure sign you're missing something...
I think the parent's got something, there. He's got a style that does something for me: "talk, talk, talk, non-sequitor, talk...". It flows in a very self-consistant way in that the whole thing takes itself very matter-of-fact-ly while being completely bizarre. The narrator/book in HHGttG has much the same manner.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, will be quoted out of context on
Not to flame (well, ok, I am flaming), but you do know that has nothing to do with templates, right? It's BNF...
There are reasons why democracy does not work nearly as well as capitalism.
-- David D. Friedman
Actually, its probably people like you that make Frasier and the like seem funny to most of America.
You know, people who are WAY too wrapped up in their own self-importance.
Do you ever get the feeling people are laughing at you behind your back? Because they are. A lot.
or does Dave Barry bear a striking resemblance to Katy Couric?
"I'm just here to regulate funkiness."
and funny.
BNF would be: ::= God | Allah | etc.
It could very well be, but the template syntax makes more sense given that it's on comp.std.c++
A deep unwavering belief is a sure sign you're missing something...
Yes
How about "Heavy Petting Zoo"
BNF has many forms. In one of them the distinction between literals and productions is that productions are wrapped in <>s. That's where the usage comes from.
Furthermore, I don't think the syntax even makes sense for templates: it would be like seeing (deity) and thinking it was a reference to function call syntax.
There are reasons why democracy does not work nearly as well as capitalism.
-- David D. Friedman
You have sucessfully garnished double karma from one joke.
I hereby name that Darma.
...were expressed well in a Reason Magazine interview some years ago.
I play Nerd-Folk!
No shit you dumbfuck. That's why he asked you if you were responding to the parent, or to him.
You. Either you're exploring some vague irony, or you couldn't get a joke if it slapped you in the face.
Well, I'm really confused then. Yes, it was clearly a joke. And not only that, it is a very old joke. That's why I thought it ironic that the original poster didn't get such an obvious joke while calling the person who said it a moron. What am I missing?
My future's determined by Thieves, thugs, and vermin -- The Offspring
A real geek would have already read it, though.
Twice (like me. Geek, geek, geek. And not even in the cool sense).
And only the freakishly geeky would post this without a link or even checking for spelling.
I think the funniest part was the discussion of Jerry Pournelli's article in byte magazine, painting him as the archetypal PC user, illustrating why we didn't use Macs. I mean, if a computer always works, it just isn't fun :)
...I dunno. Rather than an insult, I suspect that both Mac and Linux users would take that as a compliment.
That would certanly explain why so many people use Linux on the desktop these days *ducks*
May we never see th
I mean, how many people REALLY "Love" spaghetti?
It's a public good problem.
You can use less extreme words, but the people around you will sound more forceful. [shrug]
May we never see th
Just to make it clear. There is a Norwegian word for peckerhead and it is kukhode. At least where I come from.
New York State Soil is Hillary Rodham Clinton.
I've been a mod. You've probably been a mod.
:-)
However, at some point early in the life of this account, one the Slashdot editors, in a random and bitchy mood, permabanned me from M1 moderation. I've *never* been able to mod.
Now, however, the silver lining comes through. I am completely innocent of involvement with flooding Dave with stupid questions.
May we never see th
What the hell are you talking about? What joke is it that I do not get? I'm not the one who called somebody a moron for saying "Pullet Surprise".
Have you even read the original post?
My future's determined by Thieves, thugs, and vermin -- The Offspring
P.J. O'Rourke has had me in tears since about 1986 when I discovered him.
HBI's Law: Frequency of calling others Nazis is directly correlated with the likelihood of the accuser being Communist.
"9) When you vote...."
Ah, I see. The whole reason he did the Q&A is for the presidential campaign commercials. "Dave Barry for President... He listens to you. *insert shot of Dave reading Slashdot at his computer and wondering why someone moderated his last post as a troll*"
Don't forget to vote: and read the official campaign website.
Libertarians somehow believe that private businesses should be stronger than governments but weaker than individuals.
on a similar note, you probably would not find it funny if I jabbed a pen into your face, while the not-so-silent majority of us would laugh. heartily.
rejoice.
This is my sig. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
William Shatner could win that one; his acting stinks...
IBM had PL/1, with syntax worse than JOSS,
And everywhere the language went, it was a total loss...
Also, if you respond to this interview while drunk, is there the dangerous possibility your drinks would be tax deductible? Dave: That is a risk I am willing to take. Actually, yes, I do believe it could be deductible from taxes. I have yet to test this theory, but I am almost positive the theory deserves to be tested!
Should that have been:
"You're Not Authorized to Know Your Motto!!!"
max
I think Dave Barry and Jay Leno both fall into the same category. Their humor takes no risks -- it's mostly politically correct -- and therefore, to me at least, is pretty bland and not especially funny. I like Jon Stewart (for example) a lot better because he tends to present a different (and riskier) viewpoint than the rest of the media, and he's funny too.
Humor is one of those things that's very personal. That's why that joke about the hunters calling 911 is "The World's Funniest Joke". It's not really especially funny, but it is at least mildly funny to a broad range of people. Edgier humor tends to be very funny to some people and very unfunny to others.
At least he doesn't make stupid comments on slashdot.
I've had the chance to meet both Dave Barry and William Gibson at book signings. Dave was just a regular guy, friendly as heck. William Gibson was a *total* jerk.
This Dave guy is a comedian? Could have fooled me.
And did, apparently.
...and occaisionally ends up as milk squirting out of your nose.
Which is pretty impressive when you're not drinking milk.
For every post, there is an equal and opposite re-post.
man you american's are fucking stupid. humour is not the canadian spelling. it is the english spelling. not English, but english. all english speaking countries - except america because apparently you wankers speak American - spell humour with a U. just like we spell colour with a U. and just like we spell neighbour with a U.
you would be surprised at the number of words americans misspell. like surprised. americans would spell it surprized. english uses S's in lots of words where americans use Z's.
you're stupid and you should all be given english dictionaries and taught your own fucking language.
I heartily recommend the USA provokes war. then you'll all die. as long as Dave Barry and Christina Applegate get the fuck out before your country is nuked, I'll be happy.
Those are the only good americans. oh and Manowar. and Dee Snider and Mike Muir...
They drive with at least a hand on the wheel? COOL. Where I live they usually have one hand on the radio and the other to hold the cell phone. I think they just use the force to turn the wheel.
If you live in South Florida his stuff is more accurate than CNN
People talking on cellphones in Miami get shot, and not in the extremities.
I dont get it, are Mr. Barry's fans the same people who keep Friends and Fraser at the Top o' The Charts?
You don't get it eh? Look under escorts in the phone book, then come back and enjoy life you uptight prick!
You must consume massive quantities of water.
You are being MICROattacked, from various angles, in a SOFT manner.
But then they'd be known as "The Robin Williams of Print of Radio". And what would happen if Robin Williams went on SNL and parodied this band?
Not that this wasn't entirely predictable.
Clinton has had me in tears since he got the Democratic nomination. Unfortunately, at no point did I actually laugh. BTW, whatever became of the inventor of the internet ... Al something?
Hey, it's Fritz!
This sounds just like the sentiment expressed by the band Sum 41 in this article today.
Indeed, when a group of "real punks" attempt to spit on the band outside the Much showcase, Steve shrugs off their derision as a sign of success.
"It's nice to be so big that people who hate us stand outside in the cold to tell us they hate us," he says.
Please, somebody mod that up. It is refreshingly funny, even outside SR.
let me get this straight:
you wasted a good 2 or 3 minutes to respond to the guy who made this "moronic response"?
please tell me again who really is the loser here.
Don't worry -- I checked it for you. I can guarantee that there was some spelling in your posting.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
"What would become of slashdot if everyone did that?"
There would be fewer bad posts?
Silly! USPS NetPost / Mailing Online.
P.S.: They keep changing all the USPS addresses to .com. Don't worry: the government isn't trying to privatize the post office - they're just thinking about it a lot!
No, "The Robin Williams of Print" is the one who wrote The Mac is Not a Typewriter .
This sig intentionally left justified.
..will he get $264,000 when Hemos or Taco repost this article in a couple of days? ;o)
This doesn't seem to be the case at all after 9/11 (and most recently the loss of Columbia), with the most glaring example being the removal of the Spider-Man trailer (catching a helicopter in a web strung between the two World Trade towers).
What parallel universe is this AC living in? In my world, Dave Letterman came back on the air six days after 9/11. Yes, his first guest, Dan Rather, was intense and emotional, but his second guest, Regis Philbin, was quite funny on the topic. In my world, the Onion published their brilliantly funny "Holy Fucking Shit" issue within 2 weeks of 9/11.
And, pray tell, how would leaving the Spider-Man/WTC preview in theaters have been humorous? That wasn't even funny before 9/11!
Never take moderation advice from sigs, including this one.
you (5 seconds)
Get a life
:) At least try not to be a troll.
I suppose I should answer in kind with arbitrary insults, so fuck you. Or maybe "get a dictionary"
and stop calling copywrite infringement "Piracy"
People know what I mean when I say piracy in respect to digital media. They know I'm talking about unauthorized copying. Are you telling me that I'm actually conveying a different message? If you thought I was trying to say "taking a copy and destroying the original" then you're in a small minority of fucking idiots who can't remove ambiguity from english.
You need to look at the flip-side of this, which is, it's not piracy, unless the original copy is gone.
Perhaps in your very narrow definition of the term. Maybe this is what the term meant 50 years ago, but not anymore. The only meaning words have is that which the listener assigns them. Just about everyone who read "piracy" in my original post knew exactly what type of events I was describing.
Hell, even websters dictionary agrees with me, read the 3rd definition.
Main Entry: piracy
Pronunciation: 'pI-r&-sE
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural -cies
Etymology: Medieval Latin piratia, from Late Greek peirateia, from Greek peiratEs pirate
Date: 1537
1 : an act of robbery on the high seas; also : an act resembling such robbery
2 : robbery on the high seas
3 : the unauthorized use of another's production, invention, or conception especially in infringement of a copyright
gee whiz, pa! Words have more than one definition!
So, you only underline my point in my previous post. We don't need idiotic, leap-before-you-look zealots who makes anyone supporting fair-use look like a bunch of assholes. You're like the hippies of the anti-war movment. There's a difference between ranting and raving and actually presenting reasoned arguments. That goes for slashdot as well as your own personal thinking. I believe that we will have no legitimacy in the fight for fair-use unless we stick to well-reasoned arguments, and not pull this I-can't-even-read-a-dictionary bullshit, for nearly no reason at all.
"Question with boldness even the existence of a god." - Thomas Jefferson
Pecker and Dick directly refer to the same thing. As for the contrast between the words, it all depends on who you are, and where you were raised.
If you were raised where a lot of people used "pecker" (not New Mexico, I'll tell you that) then you'll be accustomed to hearing "pecker" and would be somewhat offended at being called a "dick".
and vice-versa.
So, the choice of translating this word falls in just choosing an similar word semantically, and translating it. But, you can't make a contrived solution, because "peckerhead" is actually in fairly common use in English.
Anyways, I don't see why Pikkhode would be a bad choice as a translation. Especially, since by nature, translation shifts the semantic domain of every word just slightly.
I am unamerican, and proud of it!
I believe I speak for george carlin when I say that 'Fuck you' isn't a good insult. What's so terrible about sex that you'd wish it on a troll like that?
It's not even like you said "I hope you get an awful disease from that skanky ho that is the only one who'll have sex with you for the $2 you have left after paying for all those porn site you visit daily.."
It's just not a good insult to say 'fuck you'
I think I'd be pretty damn happy if I could get fucked, unless I got a disease or she got pregnant from it.
It's like saying "HAVE A NICE DAY" and acting like you just cursed at them. (ahh the years of fast food customer service have trained you well grasshoppah)
but I can't say he's my favorite columnist. This interview shows why. *Yawn*