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Strangest Retro Videogame Plots Pondered

Thanks to TotalGames.net for its article discussing the oddest retro videogame plots of all-time. Among the highlighted titles are Sega's Genesis title, Greendog ("All you hafta do is find the six pieces of the Surfboard of the Ancients. They were hidden long ago by the Aztecs somewhere in the Caribbean"), along with Konami's N64 version of Mystical Ninja ("A giant UFO shaped like a peach has suddenly appeared in peaceful Oedo Town! The evil musical corps, The Peach Mountain Shoguns, have come to steal the Great Stage Plan.") What classic game made the least sense to you?

168 comments

  1. USA related plots by Hermione+Kestrel · · Score: 5, Funny

    I like those CRAZY plots where the USA is DEFENDING justice and equality. I laugh my pants off at those ones.

    1. Re:USA related plots by Yorrike · · Score: 4, Insightful
      Like Raid Over Moscow?, where the most difficult part of the game was getting your ship out of the hanger. Great game though, I spent many an hour waiting for my Commodore 64 tape drive to load that bad boy.

      Speaking of the C64, have you come across the game called Cubby Gristle? It's just plain weird. You play a fat guy who's goal is to eat as much food as possible with the end coming when you reach a metric ton in weight. All whilst avoiding angry grandmas, annoying kids and shopping trolleys. So far as I could tell from my play time when I was 10 years old, and more recently with an additional 14 years of gaming under my belt, the game is impossible to complete.

      --

      Looks can be deceiving. Or CAN they?

    2. Re:USA related plots by Ayaress · · Score: 3, Funny

      I played one recently on the SNES... Man, I wish I could remember the name of it. One of those generic shooters where you fly an F-16 with lasers against the Soviet army. Only, midway through the game, in the "dialog" (there were only three lines of it through the entire game, so it's a bit of a stretch to call it that), the Soviets turned out to be aliens.

      I quit playing the game about the time the spires on the Kremlin launched themselves into the air and started shooting fireballs at me. Reminded me all to well of a dream I had once. Just no goats.

    3. Re:USA related plots by Xaymot · · Score: 0

      What about He-Man? Did you ever play that game? It was weird because its was a cheesy platform game and if i remember correctly He-Man actually threw little swords out which makes no sense cause his sword was like the EyeofthunderaCastleGrayskullbadass satan dagger. And nobody should throw that.

    4. Re:USA related plots by egon · · Score: 1

      Wait a minute - I thought we were talking about video games?

      --
      Give a man a match, you keep him warm for an evening.
      Light him on fire, he's warm for the rest of his life
    5. Re:USA related plots by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      I do remember that Weird-ass chubby gristle game (on the amiga at least). I remember the soundbites of "you can't park here", and then when he died he goes "aaoooooooohHHH!"

  2. Zero Wing! by hookedup · · Score: 5, Funny

    Cats: How are you gentlemen !!
    Cats: All your base are belong to us.
    Cats: You are on the way to destruction.
    Captain: What you say !!
    Cats: You have no chance to survive make yourtime.

    It doesnt get any more confusing than zero wing. :)

    1. Re:Zero Wing! by PhotoBoy · · Score: 5, Funny

      Yeah I was amazed that Zero Wing wasn't in that list. Then again maybe the story made perfect sense before it was translated.

      I find the absense of "Ninja Golf" for the Atari 2600 quite surprising too, since it's about a Ninja who must pass the final test to become a true ninja: complete a round of golf on a golf course filled with sharks, snakes and other ninjas out to kill you...

      And of course there's the grand-daddy of them all: Pacman, the obesity simulator that rewards you for eating lots. Plus it glamorises drug taking by encouraging you to eat ghosts while high. ;)

    2. Re:Zero Wing! by irokitt · · Score: 1

      True, but if you were to see the game in its native language you would realize it actually has a story, albeit unoriginal.

      --
      If my answers frighten you, stop asking scary questions.
    3. Re:Zero Wing! by CaptKilljoy · · Score: 1

      Yeah I was amazed that Zero Wing wasn't in that list. Then again maybe the story made perfect sense before it was translated.

      Actually, it does make sense when the original Japanese is translated.

  3. The funniest by Molina+the+Bofh · · Score: 2, Funny
    If not the stangest, this is the funniest.


    In A.D. 2101

    War was beginning

    Captain: What happen?
    Mechanic: Someone set up us the bomb
    Operator: We get signal
    Captain: What!
    Operator: Main screen turn on.

    Captain: It's you!!
    Cats: How are you gentlemen!!
    Cats: All your base are belong to us
    Cats: You are on the way to destruction

    Captain: What you say?
    Cats: You have no chance to survive make your time
    Cats: Ha ha ha ....
    Operator: Captain!!

    Captain: Take off every 'ZIG'!!
    Captain: Move 'ZIG'.
    Captain: For great justice.


    --

    -
    Roses are #FF0000, Violets are #0000FF, find / -name '*base*' |xargs chown -R us && mv zig greatjustice
    1. Re:The funniest by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Oh come on. Parent posted one minute after the other Zero Wing post. There is no way he could have seen the other one and known he was being redundant. Someone mod it up?

    2. Re:The funniest by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Slashdot is broken by design in this regard.

      Molina just lost karma because of something that was not his/her fault. Funny upmods don't increase karma, but the downmods he/she has received eat karma away. And no, there is no way to know that your comment is redundant without having a second slashdot window open, posts sorted flat by newest first ignoring threads, refreshed and skimmed immediately before hitting submit. And even then you don't know whether someobody will make the same comment you will at the very second before you hit submit.

      Mods, please restore Molina's karma. Help fix slashdot by counteracting its inherent stupidity.

    3. Re:The funniest by Snowspinner · · Score: 1

      The proper moderation in this situation, I believe, is underrated (If you're seeking to fix Molina's karma problem)

      Furthermore, when metamoderating, look into the context of all redundancies, and metamoderate them as unfair freely - frankly, there are a thousand better uses of mod points than modding comments redundant anyway, and I have little sympathy for moderators who waste their points like that.

    4. Re:The funniest by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      All posts commenting on karma should be downmodded to oblivion. Or we should have a -1 KarmaBitch mod.

  4. Bubsy by B00yah · · Score: 4, Funny

    You're a cat, the world is being attacked by aliens that can only hurt you if you touch them. Oh, and balls of yarn are your power source...

    1. Re:Bubsy by Pxtl · · Score: 4, Interesting

      The funny thing is people keep listing silly little platformers. They're all bizarre - games like Sonic, and Earthworm Jim. All wierd.

      Now, the funny ones are serious, 3d action games with such amusing plots. Like Red Alert II, or Battlezone.

      BattleZone's always been a fave of mine. Big complicated conspiracy to hide a secret interplanetary war between the USA and the Soviets occuring during the cold war, fighting over alien technology crashed on the moon, venus, mars, and Europa. The moon landing was faked: we already had a fully functioning military base there.

      Or Recoil, another tank game. Its the old "machines have taken over the earth" except that the plot is that a team of human hackers have hotwired an experimental enemy Machine supertank - but if they control it remotely, they'll be discovered, so instead they open a time-portal so that they can send the control of the system back in time to you - the player. So the idea is taht you are actually, really controlling a tank hundreds of years in the future, saving the human race. The hackers occasionally hotwire you screen and talk to you directly. Its all the most hilarious camp I've ever seen in a game. Too bad the play wasn't so good.

      Hell, the very concept of UT or Q3 - a tournament where somehow each player dies 50 times in a single match. wtf?

    2. Re:Bubsy by Lars+T. · · Score: 4, Insightful

      Or how in most FPS you could fall dozens of feet and land without any damage, but can't climb a ledge that barely reaches to your breast.

      --

      Lars T.

      To the guy who modded me down from perfect to terrible Karma - Apple haters still suck

    3. Re:Bubsy by Pxtl · · Score: 1

      Well, that was mostly just Doom and its derivatives.

  5. 2 games come to mind. by wickedj · · Score: 5, Interesting

    First up, Bad Dudes:
    What's not to love about a game that asks "Are you a bad enough dude to rescue the President?" They couldn't use, say, the FBI, CIA or the NSA. Nope, they just pick 2 "bad" dudes off the street and send them to rescue the president.

    Second, Master Blaster:
    One of the best games ever for NES. But also, one where you wonder, how much does one risk for the love of a frog. We witness a boy lose his pet frog. It lands on this radioactive box IN HIS BACKYARD!!! Then it jumps down a very, very deep hole and he follows. Luckily, he finds a kickass ride and perfect sized suit to go with it. Then he begins his journey to destroy vast amounts of robots and mutated creatures to rescue his pet frog only to find, his frog has mutated too and he must destroy. Can you feel his pain? Yeah, I didn't think so either.

    1. Re:2 games come to mind. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      There was actually a master blaster book out I once read... I think the author was something like 'fx nine' although I'm not able to find anything on amazon to link for some reason...

    2. Re:2 games come to mind. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Informative

      Aw, I was gonna mention Blaster Master and you beat me to it. And yes, it's Blaster Master, not Master Blaster. Still a perfect game for this discussion, though.

    3. Re:2 games come to mind. by cgenman · · Score: 2, Interesting

      I know this is confusing, but the two frogs you kill in Blaster Master are actually different mutated frogs. During the ending sequence to the game you will see that your frog is back to normal. Apparently mutagenic compounds function a lot like vampires: kill the master and all of the genetically modified life forms return to normal.

      But the weirdest thing about the whole story is that at the beginning of the game the frog becomes radioactive, grows to enormous proportion, and jumps down the hole in shame. I never understood the kind of relationship that a boy can have with his frog such that the frog could feel shame about his appearance. All I can say is "ew."

      Compared to that, a radioactive canister falling through the crust of the earth to an underground world full of gun-toting mutants seems kind of pedestrian.

    4. Re:2 games come to mind. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Doesn't Master Blaster run Bartertown?

    5. Re:2 games come to mind. by Zoshnell · · Score: 0

      Yeah that same author did a couple of old NES game novels, Mega Man 2, Castlevania, And Wizards and Warriors come to mind...

      --
      "Do you suppose that's why God lives in the Heavens? Because he lives in fear of His creations?" - Steve Buscemi
  6. They can have him. by RubiX^3 · · Score: 4, Funny

    "The president has been kidnapped by Ninjas. Are you a bad enough dude to save him?"

    -Bad Dudes

    --
    -=o
  7. My Vote: by Ieshan · · Score: 5, Funny

    You play this plumber, who's a semi-twin. The reason he's not a complete twin is because his brother wears different color pants. Anyway, you're off to rescue your girlfriend, and to do this, you realize that you'll only run in one direction. Ever. But you'll sometimes jump.

    Jumping is important, because there are evil mushrooms trying to kill you. You can jump on them. And don't forget the walking turtles.

    The sewer system is filled with these big plants that eat you, but don't worry, because some other plants give you the ability to shoot fireballs from your stomach. Fireballs rule. And if you manage to run into the pretty mushrooms, you grow really big. And the flashing stars make you invincible.

    Did I mention that the guy who stole your girlfriend is a lizard and has constructed some 100 levels of very repetitive runway for you to run?

    Yeah, but it was a fun game, right?

    1. Re:My Vote: by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      And don't forget the walking turtles. Walking turtles? them would be tortoises then.

    2. Re:My Vote: by Hermione+Kestrel · · Score: 1
      Yeah, but it was a fun game, right?

      Damn straight it was. You're making me want to dust off my old console now....thanks :)

    3. Re:My Vote: by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Informative

      Fireballs don't fire from Mario's stomach. There is a distinct fireball-throwing frame. Don't you remember it? It's the frame where Mario looks like the posing English swordfighting dandy from Rob Roy.

      Also, Mario and Luigi wear different colored shirts and hats, not pants.

      Finally, Mario could run in both directions. He just couldn't backtrack beyond the current screen.

    4. Re:My Vote: by WWWWolf · · Score: 2, Insightful
      Fireballs don't fire from Mario's stomach. There is a distinct fireball-throwing frame.

      Also, the thing that annoys me most: People keep remembering that Mario hit the bricks with his head. Nope, he raises his fist as he jumps, hitting the bricks with it.

      Or that's the theory. The bricks will shatter whether Mario hits them with with his fist or the head, but the idea is what counts.

      (And now I'm off to play this weird SMB ROM I found today. No idea if this is some weird hacked ROM or if it's a bug in FCEU. =)

    5. Re:My Vote: by Bambi+Dee · · Score: 1
      Nope, he raises his fist as he jumps, hitting the bricks with it.


      But Giana and Maria hit them with their megavolt punk 'dos.

    6. Re:My Vote: by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Thanks to your post, I am now preparing to play Giana's Return on my Dreamcast.

      I hope you're satisfied with yourself and what you have done, Bambi Dee! :)

    7. Re:My Vote: by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      *petpets Bambi*.

    8. Re:My Vote: by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      In Super Mario RPG he definately hits them with his head.

  8. No Dizzy? by JimDabell · · Score: 3, Informative

    What about Dizzy? You can't get much stranger than a wizard-fighting hard-boiled egg.

    1. Re:No Dizzy? by Pentagram · · Score: 2, Interesting

      ...an egg with boxing gloves and wellies for limbs, a talent for somersaulting and a predilection for kleptomania who lived in a vast treehouse complex? Yeah, they were certainly smoking some interesting stuff when they made that up.

      It must be time for a 3D sequel by now.

    2. Re:No Dizzy? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Informative

      Fat chance of that, Codemasters only churn out unoriginal sequels these days. Their mission statement is to "make playable games based on popular themes", but the "popular themes" part appears to mean sticking to main stream franchises without trying to be innovative anymore.

      All they do these days is churn out TOCA, Colin McRae and LMA Manager. The worst of which is LMA, which gets annual updates that do little more than update the strips, transfers and increment the year on the title screen. There's no attempt to do anything original, clever or fun.

      Given that games like Championship Manager offer free online updates for all of this stuff it's pretty poor that Codemaster's scalp their customers for a full price game for every update they release.

  9. Red Alert by Nomihn0 · · Score: 1

    Albert Einstein kidnapped after somebody invents a time machine . . . how horribly ironic.

    1. Re:Red Alert by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Wasn't it more of "Albert Einstein invents a time machine, goes back in time, 'deletes' hitler from history, in the now-present WW2 Einstein was kidnapped by Stalin"?

  10. The plumbers... by iamjim · · Score: 0, Redundant

    There was this silly game once - these two plumbers where running around throwing fire, punch blocks of brick and stomping on walking mushrooms - while a dude who was flying around in a cloud threw spikey animals at you and flowers, yes flowers, shot fireballs at you. Then they would enter various castles, trying to kill big lizards. And right when you thought you were done, there was another talking dude named, of all things, toadstool, who told you "Sorry dude, this was a fake out, you gotta keep doing this. And when you get to the end it doesn't get any easier - there is a maze you need to navigate through." A flagpole signified your completion of a level yet had no relation to the plot of the game.

    Then there were a bunch of sequels and spin-offs... Something about an evil twin and a pet dinosaur that shat and threw eggs, I don't know, I wasn't paying attention.

    Oh wait - that was pretty bad ass, wasn't it? :)

    1. Re:The plumbers... by iamjim · · Score: 1

      Oh yeah - and all this for some prude who would never give it up to the fat plumbers - though they do make good money...

      And Bob Hoskins, John Leguizamo and Dennis Hopper have some SERIOUS acting talent (and good agents too). :)

    2. Re:The plumbers... by iamjim · · Score: 3, Funny

      Ohh yeah, and what is up with their names?! They were the Mario Brothers, Mario & Luigi - so their parents name one kid "Mario Mario"? WTF?! Who does that?!

      And boy did they know how to dress. One in red, one in green - and we never got a christmas special out of em...

  11. PacMan by shaka999 · · Score: 4, Interesting

    Ok, first off, what the hell is PacMan anyway? This big yellow circle (no 3d back then) that gobbles up dots. What are those dots anyway?

    Now our hero, PacMan, is chased around a maze trying to eat these "dots" by a bunch of ghosts who look oddly like the McDonalds Fry Guys. Why are they ghosts? Are they long dead PacMen out to seek revenge? Are they haunting the maze? Have millions of PacMen died in this maze trying to get the valuable dots? Sounds like someone needs to call a priest to me, not some yellow sphere?

    --
    One should not theorize before one has data. -Sherlock Holmes-
    1. Re:PacMan by Yorrike · · Score: 4, Funny

      "Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if pac-man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." - Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, inc. 1989

      --

      Looks can be deceiving. Or CAN they?

    2. Re:PacMan by EnVisiCrypt · · Score: 5, Informative

      Actually, that quote is from Marcus Brigstocke, a British comedian. Any other attributions are apocryphal.

      It was a joke about ravers, it wasn't incidental prescience on the part of Nintendo in 1989.

      --


      *everything* is Orwellian to cats.
    3. Re:PacMan by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Hmmm...kind of sounds like a rave to me.

    4. Re:PacMan by EnVisiCrypt · · Score: 2, Informative

      Oh, and here's an informative link about the whole thing here.

      --


      *everything* is Orwellian to cats.
    5. Re:PacMan by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Thank you, Captain Completely Fucking Obvious.

    6. Re:PacMan by iainl · · Score: 1

      Thanks for that - I always thought it was one of Marcus's gags, so its glad to have confirmation.

      --
      "I Know You Are But What Am I?"
  12. Best. Game plot. Ever. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    Dash Dingo.

    Your objective? To find and devour the seven crystal babies, or spend an eternity trapped in deep didgeridoo.

    (BTW, anyone know the first pop culture reference to dingos eating babies? Seinfeld's Elaine once referenced it, but I want to know the source.)

  13. Not retro, but fun by oojah · · Score: 5, Interesting

    I came across a fantastic game the other day "Stair Dismount". You have to push a guy down some stairs to see how much damage you can inflict upon him.

    It looks like a rag doll physics test bed that the author decided would make a great game. It uses the Open Dynamics Engine.

    The plot:

    The legendary superhero Spector has found, to his shock, that he cannot write off all the damage he has caused to the city out of his taxes unless he proves that he has sustained significant damage in the process himself! Now it's up to you to 'help' him with this little detail..

    Download at http://jet.ro/dismount/ (Windows only, although it does mention that some people have had luck running it under Wine).

    Ace fun.

    Roger

    --
    Do you have any better hostages?
    1. Re:Not retro, but fun by Hermione+Kestrel · · Score: 1

      love it, what's your highest score?

    2. Re:Not retro, but fun by oojah · · Score: 1

      77000 or there abouts. Landing head first seems to be the way to go... :)

      --
      Do you have any better hostages?
    3. Re:Not retro, but fun by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      There is a sequel called "Truck Dismount" where you have to run the same guy over with a truck and/or ram him into a wall.

      Great fun!

    4. Re:Not retro, but fun by Ayaress · · Score: 1

      Actually, the best way is finding glitches in the physics engine. There's one where you can litterally do 500,000+ damage to his foot without him leaving the top step.

    5. Re:Not retro, but fun by focitrixilous+P · · Score: 1

      Man, that truck dismount is a quality game. Low grade 3d truck crashing was never so fun! Plus, it has a nice soundtrack in the popular ogg format! Owned! I like it.

      --
      SAILING MISHAP
  14. The best proof.. by EarwigTC · · Score: 3, Insightful


    The best proof that gameplay is more important than storyline.

    --
    Promote civility: mod down any post starting with 'ummm'.
  15. Super Monkey Ball 2 by rufo · · Score: 4, Interesting

    Some of the more surreal cutscenes I have found (along with a story line that makes almost no sense) are in Sega's Super Monkey Ball 2. Excellent gameplay, but the cutscenes in Story Mode involve a baby monkey (son of two of the other monkeys) sent back in time to help defeat Dr. Badboon, who is a mad scientist hell-bent on... marrying the one female monkey in the game. And apparently in order for anything to happen in the game the monkeys have to dance around singing magical Happy Fun songs (Magical Spell is Ei-Ei-Poo!). These have to be seen to be believed. (There may be some footage of the cut-scenes here if anybody's interested, although I haven't checked it out.)

    If there are any other games with *more* bizarre cutscenes that run on the current generation of consoles, I'd like to hear it.

    --
    My English teacher once told me that two positives don't make a negative. Two words for her: Yeah, right.
    1. Re:Super Monkey Ball 2 by hooverbag · · Score: 2, Interesting

      Some of the more surreal cutscenes I have found (along with a story line that makes almost no sense) are in Sega's Super Monkey Ball 2. Excellent gameplay...

      Agree with you on both counts.
      But in the cutscenes, the monkeys in their balls can fly...
      Which, of course, neatly explains why they roll around narrow paths with massive drops either side to go where they need to go...

      --
      ceci n'est pas une pipe |
    2. Re:Super Monkey Ball 2 by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      bust a move (#?) on the sega saturn had some really weird cut scenes, and some were fully rendered wehre people ran and others laughed...

      i can't remember too much, it was a long time ago... but all cut scenes on the bust a move games were strange.

      what's up with the japanese and bubbles?

    3. Re:Super Monkey Ball 2 by ksiddique · · Score: 1

      Parappa The Rapper and Um Jammer Lammy have some cracked-out, doped-up, need-some-drugs-to-understand-it cutscenes. Fun games though. :)

  16. Clash at Demon Head by cgenman · · Score: 3, Interesting

    (Courtesy of some guy.)

    "In the year 199X, a secret command, Saber Tiger, is engaged in a savage war with the Demon's Batallion. The Saber Tiger's youngest leader, "Bang", played a very large role in the fight to the admiration of his fellow commanders. After the completion of one campaign, Bang and his girlfriend, Mary, are enjoying a longawaited vacation at the beach. Suddenly, they recieve an urgent communication from head quarters. It reads 'EMERGENCY CODE NO. 2568623. The inventor of the Doomsday Bomb, Professor Plum, is being held by the enemy, atop Demon's Head Mountain, and it appears the the world is doomed unless Earth surrenders. If the bomb explodes, the Earth will be a dead planet. A mass attack on Demon Head is impossible for the enemy vows to detonate the bomb on sight. Our colleague, Joe, has failed to return from a reconnaisance mission. Bang, only you can rescue Professor plum and save the planet. Now, you've got to get to Demon's Head Mountain at once!'

    In the ruins of Demon Head, there dwells a fearsome demon that has terrified generations of people. Bang, and Bang alone, must set out on a daredevil mission to these unknown lands and seek to rescue Plum and deactivate the Doomsday Bomb.

    As Bang sets off on his perilous journey to destroy the Demon's Batallion, Mary must remain behind deeply concerned for his life."

    Despite what I just said, the point of the game must be to rescue your girlfriend, or else why would she be on the cover... with the flying guy on the motorcycle and the shard of electric glass? Wait... Isn't the point to rescue the professor? Collect the seven coins from the seven swirly bad guy thingies? Why do you need so much money? What happened to the bomb? It's so confusing!

    I don't have a degree in Obscure Japanese Mythological Symbology systems! Why is the mushroom with black dancers protecting the talisman of the sun? What did I do to offend the teeth with blue hair? Who the heck are these guys anyway? What's that thing doing? NGYAAAAA!

  17. Forgotten Worlds by Fortunato_NC · · Score: 1

    Was a great arcade game, with a somewhat condensed conversion for the Sega Genesis. The plot was that an evil God had returned and these two guys had to take him out. Pretty basic plot.

    The odd thing, was that two or three times a level, a "convenience store" would pop up where you could buy stuff with the "Zenny" you got for killing guys. I always thought that it was awfully shortsighted of the business owners to place their stores in a combat zone.

    --
    Blogging Weight Loss, Distance Education, and more at verlin.com
    1. Re:Forgotten Worlds by iainl · · Score: 1

      "I always thought that it was awfully shortsighted of the business owners to place their stores in a combat zone."

      Really? Given how the popular the game was in our local arcade at the time, the guy seemed to have been doing a roaring trade. I'd imagine that the insurance costs for siting your premises next to an enemy boss are quite high, but he was always busy.

      --
      "I Know You Are But What Am I?"
  18. Re:Best. Game plot. Ever. by jackbird · · Score: 2, Informative

    A Cry in the Dark , starring Merryl Streep.

  19. Frogger by TwistedGreen · · Score: 4, Funny

    I could just never figure it out... Why on earth would a frog want to cross the road?

    1. Re:Frogger by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Why on earth would a frog want to cross the road?

      Because he wanted to get a high score on the female frog.

    2. Re:Frogger by -kertrats- · · Score: 2, Funny

      To get to the other side, dumbass.

      --
      The Braying and Neighing of Barnyard Animals Follows.
    3. Re:Frogger by WormholeFiend · · Score: 3, Funny

      the part that least made sense in that game was when the frog tried to cross a river by jumping on logs and other floaters...

      why would a frog die from falling in the water? (unless that river was very polluted, but that's just a wild assumption)

    4. Re:Frogger by Lars+T. · · Score: 4, Funny

      One word: Buckyballs.

      --

      Lars T.

      To the guy who modded me down from perfect to terrible Karma - Apple haters still suck

    5. Re:Frogger by Merlin42 · · Score: 1

      Someone actually tried to come up with story to go with frogger. And by "tried" I mean "failed miserably"

    6. Re:Frogger by StrongAxe · · Score: 3, Funny

      I could just never figure it out... Why on earth would a frog want to cross the road?

      Because he was nailed to a chicken?

    7. Re:Frogger by ACPosterChild · · Score: 1

      No, because he was nailing the chicken.

      It's the baby that's stapled to one...

  20. A Boy and his Blob by Nutcase · · Score: 4, Interesting

    You are an anonymous boy. You just happen to have a blob, known only as "blob". It turns into things based on what flavor jellybean you feed it. Things like ladders and trampolines and such. No complex machines, per se. You use it in various forms to navigate the sewer in search of treasure, while it follows you around bouncing and begging for more jellybeans. There is no plot beyond the treasure hunt, and the fact that you have a blob.

    Makes perfect sense to me.

    1. Re:A Boy and his Blob by the+eric+conspiracy · · Score: 1

      There is a plot beyond the treasure hunt. You just didn't get far enough into the game.

    2. Re:A Boy and his Blob by Takeel · · Score: 4, Informative

      I can explain some of this. These answers are all from the game's manual. If you're reading this and haven't tried this NES game, I highly recommend it. It was designed by David Crane (of Pitfall fame), and it really is a lot of fun once you get the hang of it.

      You just happen to have a blob

      "Like many boys in the twenty-first century, the boy has a buddy from outer space. This one's from Blobolonia - a place where an evil emperor makes every-one eat only marshmallows and chocolate. In fact, for the emperor, healthy things like vitamins are poisonous."

      , known only as "blob"

      "Blob (his full name is Blobert) came to Earth looking for someone to help him defeat the evil emperor. That's how he met the boy."

      It turns into things based on what flavor jellybean you feed it. Things like ladders and trampolines and such. No complex machines, per se. You use it in various forms to navigate the sewer in search of treasure, while it follows you around bouncing and begging for more jellybeans.

      "You see, the boy miraculously discovered that not only does Blob love jelly-beans - but that different jellybeans turn Blob into different shapes. And that those shapes can be used to get through many otherwise impossible situations!"

      There is no plot beyond the treasure hunt, and the fact that you have a blob.

      "To defeat the evil emperor they boy and Blob will need a goodly supply of vitamins. And to get the vitamins, they'll need money. To get money, they'll search the underground caverns for hidden treasures and diamond stones."

    3. Re:A Boy and his Blob by Nutcase · · Score: 1

      My nomination for videogame strangeness still stands. But I accept and thank you for your corrections to my spotty childhood memories. Let me try again.

      You are an anonymous boy. "Like many boys in the twenty-first century, [you have] a buddy from outer space. This one's from Blobolonia - a place where an evil emperor makes every-one eat only marshmallows and chocolate. In fact, for the emperor, healthy things like vitamins are poisonous." Your buddy is named Blobert, "blob" to his friends (i.e. you). He "came to Earth looking for someone to help him defeat the evil emperor," and picked anonymous boy as the best candidate. Blob turns into things based on what flavor jellybean you feed it. Things like ladders and trampolines and such. No complex machines, per se. You use it in various forms to navigate the sewer in search of treasure, while it follows you around bouncing and begging for more jellybeans. You are on a treasure hunt to buy vitamins to kill the evil emperor of Blobonia.

      Makes perfect sense to me.

    4. Re:A Boy and his Blob by Jad+LaFields · · Score: 1
      --
      [SIG] It's like putting a moose in the blender -- a recipe for disaster!
    5. Re:A Boy and his Blob by bludstone · · Score: 1

      Whats really scary about this game is I actually GOT to Blobonia once.

      It was very colorful.

      --

      no .sig
    6. Re:A Boy and his Blob by Nibelungo · · Score: 1

      Are you kidding? It was really easy to get there, you only had to feed him with the jellybean that turnd him into a rocket and jump on his back! Some nice music and a couple of space screens later you're there! OMG that was one freaky game

  21. But not her by imperator_mundi · · Score: 1

    The Skinheads have taken Madonna hostage. Take the law into your own hands!

    good ol' Vigilante

  22. Super Mario RPG? Earthbound? by Ayaress · · Score: 1

    I mean, come on, both games are basically fifteen hour acid trips.

    Super Mario RPG was a constant string of pop culture references that would have been hilarious had the game come out two years earlier. About the time the Axem Rangers showed up, I think we all gave up hope of a deep and compelling storyline.

    And Earthbound? Three words for you: Alien Posessed Hippies. That and the psychadelic swirling color backgrounds, and who needs LSD?

    1. Re:Super Mario RPG? Earthbound? by Cais · · Score: 1

      Actually 2 of my favorite games of all time. I played through Earthbound again a few weeks ago, and am playing through SMRPG now.

    2. Re:Super Mario RPG? Earthbound? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      About the time the Axem Rangers showed up, I think we all gave up hope of a deep and compelling storyline.

      You mean you were expecting one? I'd say that makes you the strange one. :)

      The weirdness goes hand in hand with it being a Mario game. If a Mario game were ever not weird, that would be weird. The Mario series is just so old by now that we're all used to how weird it is, but if you ever spend any time thinking about the plot from any Mario game, you'll see that it's weird. Just read any of the posts here that are trying to be funny by talking about magic mushrooms and fireballs (I think that it looks like he's holding his finger on one side of his nose and blowing the fireballs out the other side, but that might just be me).

  23. Strangest retro game plot... by WWWWolf · · Score: 5, Interesting

    Commodore 64 game "Army Moves", 1987 Imagine/Ocean. People probably remember this for the amazing music. It's just that back in late 1980s, it was not at all unusual to make a game where you control an army jeep that jumps. In big arcs. While shooting a lot of missiles. When I presented this game to the new gamer generation (that is, my sister), the laughter was nearly unstoppable. (The second level is boring. The helicopter you control just flies and doesn't, for example, turn into a kamikaze tomato in mid-flight and carpet-bomb the nameless enemy.)

    Then some more. "Artura", 1988 Sentient Software/Gremlin. Crappy game. Mostly notable for its great music (surprise surprise!) and the fact that King Arthur marches around and flings about a million axes at the enemy with a single button press.

    And that's just a random sample from the "A" section of C64 game selection =) The Nintendo Logic might have been odd at the time, but some C64 games were a few orders of magnitude weirder...

  24. How to be a complete B*stard by MegatronUK · · Score: 0, Offtopic

    You play the aforementioned chap and go around a house drinking lager/disinfectant/toilet water, eating curry/soap/various other inedibles, farting, getting drunk and generally being a bit of an arse.

    Come to think of it... what were the actual goals of the game?

    Quality software from the time of the ZX Spectrum, Commodore 64, Amstrad CPC and the like :-)

    1. Re:How to be a complete B*stard by MegatronUK · · Score: 0

      Offtopic? errr, yeah... right-o modmeisters...

      http://www.catharton.net/electronica/index.php?b oa rd=3;action=display;threadid=1394

      I think I remember Rik Mayall (of 'The Young Ones' and 'Bottom' fame) being in the promotional material for the game....

    2. Re:How to be a complete B*stard by MegatronUK · · Score: 0

      And the full review, from 'Your Sinclair' from the time of the games release: http://www.ysrnry.co.uk/articles/howtobeacompleteb astard.htm

  25. Blaster Master, hands down. by djatari2600 · · Score: 1, Funny

    I'm sorry, chasing after your radioactive mutated frog through a huge underground world that just HAPPENS to be under your farm is strange to me. It's going to take a lot to beat that.

    --
    "It is the mark of an educated man to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." - Aristotle
  26. PS2: Cookie & Cream by RevRagnarok · · Score: 4, Interesting

    Not that retro...
    I got it for Christmas after reading about it in the 'what can I play with my sweetie' thread. The moon got upset and left so it won't be present for the Moon Festival. So a chicken bestows upon two bunnies their marks of courage - a flower pot and an umbrella, that they wear on their heads. So you have to go and convince the moon to come back. That's just messed up.

    - RR

    --
    I should put something clever here. Maybe someday.
  27. After reading this... by Ayaress · · Score: 1

    I withdraw my earlier comments about Earthbound being like an acid trip. Obviously, this game is of a far more potent stuff.

  28. my fav weird game by WormholeFiend · · Score: 3, Funny

    You're a Chef, being pursued by hotdogs, eggs and pickles. You can spray pepper on them to stun them temporarily (pepper spray makes sense today, but back then it didnt, but kinda since the name of the Chef was Peter Pepper, which I always thought was a word play on "peter puffer").

    His job is to walk on parts of hamburgers, buns, beef patties, lettuce leaves and sometimes tomato slices and cheese slices, in order to put them together, while trying his best to catch falling icecream cones, french fries and cups of coffee!

    1. Re:my fav weird game by Shinobi · · Score: 1

      Ooooh!! Burger Time!! We had that for the Intellivision =)

    2. Re:my fav weird game by rabbot · · Score: 1

      They had pepper spray in the 80's

    3. Re:my fav weird game by TrickFred · · Score: 1

      Imagine a 3D re-make of this... I'd buy it. Anyone in game developing listening?

  29. I saw a good explanation of Pac Man's plot once by Ayaress · · Score: 1

    But I'm far too lazy to go back and dig through the Penny Arcade archives to find it. It was mostly about Reagan's economic policy, pork, oppressed working class, and the fruit, which apparantly symbolizes nothing.

    1. Re:I saw a good explanation of Pac Man's plot once by shaka999 · · Score: 1

      LOL, I forgot about the fruit!

      And for that matter, what about the power node things. What exactly is in those large dots that allow you to munch on the Fry Guys? I sure there are many ./-ers that have tried certain items and thought they were seeing ghosts.

      --
      One should not theorize before one has data. -Sherlock Holmes-
    2. Re:I saw a good explanation of Pac Man's plot once by Merlin42 · · Score: 1

      Not exactly what you mentioned, but its the closest I could find.

      It Starts With B

  30. Mick and Mack: Global Gladiators by ronfar · · Score: 3, Funny

    Sega Genesis, 16 Bit. Two kids are reading a "Global Gladiators" comic and say, "Wouldn't it be fun to be a global gladiator?" Ronald McDonald uses his evil clown powers to put the two kids into the comic book where they are faced with a hellish world filled with slimy creatures. Oh, and the must collect M (for McDonalds) symbols. Ronald shows up at the end of each level to wave you on to the next level.

    --
    All the creatures will die, And all the things will be broken. That's the law of samurai. (Jubai, 1605)
  31. Arkanoid: by der_joachim · · Score: 1

    Although many, many games had wacky plots back then, the most absurd example was Arkanoid. For the people not in the know: it's pong with bricks. IIRC, the story behind it is to avenge the destruction of your mothership. It had a sequel as well.

    --
    Geek runner, motorcyclist and professional know-it-all
    1. Re:Arkanoid: by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Arkanoid [...] it's pong with bricks.

      That, or Breakout...

    2. Re:Arkanoid: by qtothemax · · Score: 1

      I had that for the apple IIgs. Its just breakout, but with a rediculous story about a grid monster told in comic book style on the inside cover of the book type thing it came in. In the last level instead of bricks theres this mummy-head type things that spits things at you that you have to avoid while hitting him with your ball.

  32. Re:Best. Game plot. Ever. by Filmwatcher888 · · Score: 0
    Google is your friend, too.

    Austrailia terrifies the hell out of me. Not only for its modern animal nightmares, but the fact that Aboriginees also had to deal with marsupial cats, descendants to the saber tooth tiger!

    Crash Bandicoot should be a banned export...

  33. Super Mario by superpulpsicle · · Score: 0, Redundant

    SMB for NES never made any sense to me. You go around jumping on mushroom to rescue a princess. After going thru 7 castles you are only able to save Toad. It took Mario 8 levels before he finds the right castle, hello?

    And what the hell flowers can let you shoot fireballs. And what the hell mushroom makes you two times bigger.

    And why is there coins hidden everywhere? I am confused.

    1. Re:Super Mario by k_187 · · Score: 1

      Its all about a drug bust gone bad, for the dealer!

      See, Mario and Luigi are drug dealers, mostly shrooms. Bowser represents teh cops. He busts in, and takes Mario's hippie girlfriend, the princess. Of course, mario is so strung out he sees the cops as a giant turtle thing, and everybody else as mushroom people etc...

      --
      11 was a racehorse
      12 was 12
      1111 Race
      12112
    2. Re:Super Mario by Ayaress · · Score: 2, Funny

      It took Mario 8 levels before he finds the right castle, hello?

      He couldn't try other ones. Remember, Mario lives in a 2D world. He can't go around the castles, and he can't jump high enough to go over them, so he has to go through them.

  34. Uh! I got one! by Lord+Graga · · Score: 1

    The ancient online game called... KARMA WHORING!

  35. Lode Runner by scrytch · · Score: 1

    You're a dude trying to collect valuable ... whatevers ... and being chased around a brick jungle gym by other dudes trying to stop you. Your only weapon is a digging implement of some sort that can only dig a hole of a certain size, directly to the side of you. And the holes heal up by themselves (interesting brick). You can fall any distance without hurting yourself, but touching the dudes trying to stop you or being in a hole that heals up is instant death. You can land on or walk over the dudes heads with impunity though, their heads are harmless (or perhaps you have dude proof shoes).

    Come to think of it, I guess I have seen stranger games.

    --
    I've finally had it: until slashdot gets article moderation, I am not coming back.
  36. Yar's Revenge by greglas · · Score: 1

    And I quote: "In a distant galaxy the civilization known as the Yars were attacked by the fierce Qotiles. Though badly damaged, the Yars' fought back using their mechanical ships that look like giant metal insects. The Qotiles have many laser cannons shielded behind celluliod barriers which are capable of destroying the Yars. It's up to you to control your Yar ships and dig your way through the shields and fire your powerful Zorlon Cannon into the Qotiles."

    1. Re:Yar's Revenge by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      I totally agree, Yars Revenge made so little sense it made my brain hurt. I remember playing it till it simply exploded and displayed a series of random semi-characters, which may or may not have been the end of the game. I only accomplished this twice, and the sad thing is I don't know if I beat the game, or if my atari simply overheated and threw up its last gasps.

  37. Cavity Command by White-out_On_Screen · · Score: 1

    Anybody else remember this gem? Old Atari 2600 game, basically a space invaders clone. You moved a tube of toothpaste across the bottom of a screen that looked like a gum with teeth growing out of it, firing little bits of toothpaste at pieces of food falling from above. The more junk-food the bits were, the faster they moved-cupcakes were pretty much impossible. If they got by you, the teeth would 'decay' a little bit at a time.

    1. Re:Cavity Command by svallarian · · Score: 1

      That's "Tooth Protectors" by johnson and johnson.

      Try and dig it up if you can...it's worth $100+ now because not very many people wanted to save up toothpase upc's to get a video game about brushing your teeth.

      Steven V.

      --
      I patented screwing your mom. But it got revoked for "prior art."
    2. Re:Cavity Command by Bambi+Dee · · Score: 1

      Sounds like Plaque Attack by Activision to me...

    3. Re:Cavity Command by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Actually I had that game and it was called plaque attack.

  38. Weird and lame article by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I take issue with any article that would classify both "GreenDog" and "Bubsy" as "classic" video games. Someone clue these guys into the fact that just because something is old, that doesn't make it a classic.

    all of those games HAD plots. It would have been much more interesting to analyze games without any plots whatsoever. (ie: PacMan)

    Or for that matter, how about an article analyzing subtle, yet disturbing implied plots? For example, ever played "BluePrint" by Midway? That game is f'd up! Instead of a countdown timer you've got a crazed rapist chasing down a woman at the top of the screen...

    http://www.klov.com/game_detail.php?letter=B&gam e_ id=7172

    --------------------
    Play fun games at: www.LilGames.com

  39. It Starts With B by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    http://www.penny-arcade.com/view.php3?date=2002-03 -04&res=l

  40. StrangestVideogame Plot by QEDog · · Score: 4, Interesting

    Metal Gear Solid 2 anyone? La-li-lu-le-lo?

    --
    "There is no teacher but the enemy."-Mazer Rackham
    1. Re:StrangestVideogame Plot by Rew190 · · Score: 2, Funny

      Wait, that was a videogame?

  41. Dracula for Intellivision by Washizu · · Score: 1

    Dractula for Intellivision

    Is your goal to hunt down and put an end Dracula's reign of terror? Hell no!

    YOU are Dracula walking down the street of a suburban neighborhood. If you see eyes peeking out of a window, go up and knock on the door. If the person is dumb enough to come out, chase them around and bite them. Bite x number of people and get back to your coffin before sunrise.

    More Info on Dracula

    --
    OddManIn: A Game of guns and game theory.
  42. Every frigin game by Mr.Dippy · · Score: 0

    When you think about, most games are out there when it came to story. Think about it. Most games are the reflection of a 15 year old japanese school girl on ecstacy.

    --


    -Dipster
  43. ET by Hythlodaeus · · Score: 1

    I don't remember it all that well, since I last played it when I was about 4, but ET for the Atari 2600 seemed to have ET walking around a field full of holes that he would fall into. Ocassionally, he could get back out of the holes. Usually not.

    --
    For great justice.
    1. Re:ET by Bambi+Dee · · Score: 1

      Don't forget the people who would occasionally wander through and carry him away, which seemed to cause nothing to happen and was a pleasant change from, well, having him levitate (?) himself out of a hole (?) by craning (?) his neck (?). Nothing was quite as mysterious as 5th-hand carts with no manuals (Raiders of the Lost Ark, Riddle of the Sphinx...) Then again, some of the badly translated cassette inlays for C16 games were so thoroughly overbabelfished that a a boy on a pogo stick in a playground turned into something very dull that somehow involved tiling and a construction site and what "Oblido" was about I'll probably never know. It looked like the character ROM was overheating and it's dynamic soundtrack was courtesy of the random number generator I think.

  44. Wizard is about to die! by focitrixilous+P · · Score: 3, Funny

    Gauntlet had the craziest plot. There's this warrior, a valkerie, an elf, and some wizard who are all trapped in this dungeon. No one knows why, but they are, so they wonder around together, all rushing to eat the food and the potion and not shooting the food. These pixely monsters try to kill them, and every once in a while the exit will move. No one knows why. As time passes you slowly starve to death, and you are frequenly reminded by a ominious, omnipresent voice who provides commentary on the game. "Wizard needs food, badly" and "Red valkyrie shot the food: make up happy memories for me...

    --
    SAILING MISHAP
  45. wait a sec... by Danse · · Score: 1

    hmm... wouldn't he have to be kidnapped before someone invents a time machine?

    --
    It's not enough to bash in heads, you've got to bash in minds. - Captain Hammer
    1. Re:wait a sec... by buddy53711 · · Score: 1

      I guess that would all depend on your relative frame of reference now wouldn't it. ;)

  46. Frohn! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    While it's not a story, Frohn(C64)'s manual was hilarious. Unfortunately I can't find it anymore...

  47. Re:Best. Game plot. Ever. by scrytch · · Score: 1

    > (BTW, anyone know the first pop culture reference to dingos eating babies? Seinfeld's Elaine once referenced it, but I want to know the source.)

    It's Googleriffic, it's based on a true story!

    --
    I've finally had it: until slashdot gets article moderation, I am not coming back.
  48. Mystical Ninja by May+Kasahara · · Score: 1
    Hmm... wasn't Mystical Ninja based on an anime?

    I wonder if this anime has the same plot as the game...

  49. Moonwalker by Craig+Maloney · · Score: 4, Funny

    You are Michael Jackson. You must save the children from the clutches of Mr. Big. You can use your dancing abilities to destroy enemies, or grab your chimp "Bubbles" and turn into the ultimate fighting robot.

    1. Re:Moonwalker by Guppy06 · · Score: 1

      " You are Michael Jackson. You must save the children from the clutches of Mr. Big."

      Um... isn't that backwards?

    2. Re:Moonwalker by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Actually, it losely followed the concpets of the movie Moonwalker and a few of Michael's videos.

      Basically in Moonwalker he was hanging out with three children (hey, that's what he does) and Joe Pesci was Mr. Big. So Mr. Big comes and kidnaps the kids, I forget why, drugs I think. Anyway, he sends his jackbooted army after Mike who turns into a car. End up finding his hideout and turns into a giant robot and blows up Mr. Big. Then Mike and the children live happily ever after.

      And what I remember of the game, it had levels based on Smooth Criminal (which was in the movie), Thriller, and potentially Billy Jean. I know too much.

    3. Re:Moonwalker by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      I not only bought this game, I bought it a week early from sharper image (had B&W sticker, not color) and played it all the way through.. It was impressive at it's time.. They actually had good animation based off of micheal jackson's dance moves. Who knew back then he'd turn into such a creep.

    4. Re:Moonwalker by ePhil_One · · Score: 1
      I remember it was a "non-violent" game (the "movie" was non-violent as well. I remember Mike running around and spraying bad guys with what we called "magic fairy dust" (it was from the movie appearantly); Im not sure but I think it made the bad guys dance so you could walk around them; then at some point there was a big dance off were everybody ended up leaning way over, but only Mike could hold it.

      Definately mega weird.

      --
      You are in a maze of twisted little posts, all alike.
  50. Custers Revenge? by i8urtaco · · Score: 1

    I tried to play it once, but when I saw some dude's heavily pixilated wang all I could do was run....fast.

  51. sense? by araven · · Score: 1

    So you're running through this jungle see, and you can run above ground or down in tunnels, but you have to jump over scorpions as big as you in the tunnels, or hop on the heads of alligators (nicely spaced in a line) above ground. Oh, and don't touch a fallen log or it will hurt. Or fire. You can't run AROUND any of these things, you must go over them, because you are in a VERY LARGE HURRY to run AS FAR AS POSSIBLE because there are bars of gold and silver and bags of money just sitting around this jungle and you have to collect them (fortunately you have no encumberance or weight-allowance issues)...and then twenty minutes later (if you don't die first) you just stop running.

    You're playing this line, and this line keeps moving, and actually moves faster and faster, and you steer the line, trying to keep the line from hitting itself, except that of course it will INEVITABLY hit itself as it fills the screen, you just want to avoid that for as long as possible.

    You play a small shooting thing that can move in a limited way around the bottom of the screen. At the top of the screen are these long bugs with several sections. The long bugs break apart when you shoot the middle pieces. Sometimes the bugs hit mushrooms and turn. You can shoot the mushrooms too. Once in a while a scorpion will fall out of the sky at you. Oh, and spiders float around in your little limited-movement area, just to make things more fun.

    Along the same lines...different platform...you play a little shooting thing. Letters of the alphabet fall out of the sky at you. You must type the correct letter to shoot the falling ones before they hit you. They fall at increasingly rapid rates. You must learn to type or die trying. (ok, that one actually has a pretty good premise outside the "game" context...but as a "game" it was bizarre).

    ~

    --
    "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds." -Emerson
    1. Re:sense? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      As I recall from the manual for Millipede on my Atari 2600, you were actually a warrior trying to protect a garden. You were shrunk to the size of a bug so that you could fight the pests on their own terms. Apparently you're heavily opposed to the use of pesticides, so your only remaining option is lots and lots of tiny arrows.

  52. Superhero League of Hoboken by Flyboy+Connor · · Score: 1

    Quote: "You are The Crimson Tape, new leader of the Superhero League of Hoboken, with the amazing power to Create Orginazational Charts. You'll be joined by Tropical Oil Man ("capable of raising the cholestoral level of his opponents"), Robomop ("an intelligent kitchen appliance capable of cleaning up almost any mess"), Iron Tummy ("capable of eating spicy foods without any distress"), Captain Excitement (his "aura of lethargy and dullness can put many opponents to sleep instantly"), and Mademoiselle Pepperoni ("capable of seeing inside a pizza box without even opening it")."

  53. MANIAC MANSION by dave1g · · Score: 3, Informative

    Meteors, mad scientists, girlfriend rescuing, meteor police, tentacles, dungeons...it had it all.

    Man I loved that game.

    1. Re:MANIAC MANSION by Bambi+Dee · · Score: 2, Interesting

      So was it the chainsaw that was missing, or the fuel? I don't quite remember. My friend claims both are available, but I believe he must've been hallucinating.

    2. Re:MANIAC MANSION by dave1g · · Score: 1

      if i remember correctly you could find chainsaw..but not gas...

    3. Re:MANIAC MANSION by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Was this on the atari2600? I think I know what you're talking about. IT was one of those HUGE carts with extra memory. I think that's a rare game.. I might even still have mine.

  54. Monkey Island 2 by leadfoot2004 · · Score: 2, Informative

    This subject reminds me of the weird plot twist near the ending of Monkey Island 2. It is truly strange to say the least, where LeChuck who tormented you with a voodoo doll is really your brother in a theme park. I remember my first reaction was like 'wtf...' this is totally weird.

  55. All this work.... by buddy53711 · · Score: 1

    ...and I haven't seen mention of Marble Madness and Crystal Towers.

  56. Earthworm Jim by MeThOdXxX · · Score: 1

    Although I don't quite remember the exact plot to any of the games in the Earthworm Jim series,(there were two or three of them), It was a real strange game. To start off you are a giant earthworm that has nothing on but a pair of black sunglasses and went aroud blasting strange monsters with a arsenal of assorted automatic weapons. It's been years since i've played the game so if there is anyone who knows the plot let us know.

    --
    HaHaHaHaHa
    1. Re:Earthworm Jim by HFKIRSpyderMonkey · · Score: 1

      Better yet, did you watch the cartoon?

      "Earthworm Jim!, from the soil he did crawl!
      Earthworm Jim!, a super-suit did fall!"

      "Earthworm Jim, he's such a groovy guy!
      Earthworm Jim, he rockets through the sky!"

      "TWENTY-THREE SKE-DOO!!!!"

      Ahem.

    2. Re:Earthworm Jim by FreeForm+Response · · Score: 1

      Oh hell yeah. I loved Earthworm Jim. =D

      The story was like this. Psy-crow, an evil intergalactic crow, either built, bought, or stole this suit of armor that would have made him indestructible. However, in transit, somehow it fell out of his ship and crashed to Earth, landing on a brave young earthworm named Jim. The suit interacted with Jim's molecules, turning him into the Earthworm Jim we know and love.

      So basically, Earthworm Jim has this super-powerful suit, and has to go around defeating various bad guys (like the nefarious Bob!!), while defending himself from Psy-crow.

      Such an awesome game. =)

  57. Alex Kidd in [insert_type] World! by ChibiOne · · Score: 1

    Anyone who is a long time Sega fan knows that some of the weirdest plots and executions were made for the Sega Master System series of "Alex Kidd" games. How about "Alex Kidd in High Tech World"? You are young prince Alex. A new arcade has opened in town, but you don't know how to get there. You must put together the pieces of the map, scattered through your [japanese] castle, solving riddles and what nots. There's also "Alex Kidd in Shinobi World"... Alex sure was a polyfacetic young chap.

  58. Mort the Chicken by Jim+Hall · · Score: 1

    How about Mort the Chicken :

    Mort lives in an alternate universe, exactly like ours, except that chickens are the dominant species. On this chicken planet, Mort is the star of his own television series, an animated series of shorts called The Mort the Chicken Show. It takes place on a farm, and depicts the adventures of Mort as he saves his little chicken community from a wide variety of dangers.

    What the chickens in this world have never known is that there is another species living in a dimension parallel to theirs, a strange species of cube-like creatures called The Boolyon, who occupy a world of right angles and rigid geometry.

    And Boolyon scientists have only recently realized that there is a world outside their own, inhabited by chickens. Due to a huge misunderstanding, the Boolyon elite come to believe that this chicken world is holding cubes as slaves and prisoners. Despite the protests of lesser Boolyon, the Boolyon leaders decide to snatch some baby chickens to hold as hostage until the "cubes are free."

    Mort is performing in his television show when the Boolyon raid occurs. An interdimensional gate opens in the well and the Boolyon begin grabbing chicks left and right before anybody can react.

    When the dust has cleared, every chick on the farm has gone, and the roosters and hens are dashing around like, well, chickens with their heads cut off.

    Except for one chicken -- Mort. Like a fearless Clint Eastwood, with feathers and the ability to cluck, Mort dives into the well, to rescue the chicks or perish in the effort.

  59. Battletoads by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Rash, Zitz, and Pimple are three toads from outer space who had to rescue a princess (I'm pretty sure) and slay a bunch of baddies. I loved this game, but it really don't make with the sense, yaknow?

  60. Boogerman by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    This game was for the genesis, You are a super hero who uses boogers to stop the monsters. I remember one attack you did, where you flick a booger from your nose on to the monster to kill it, that's pretty twisted.

    1. Re:Boogerman by Zoshnell · · Score: 0

      I beleive it was boogerman, a pick and flick adventure.

      --
      "Do you suppose that's why God lives in the Heavens? Because he lives in fear of His creations?" - Steve Buscemi
  61. Castle Smurfenstein by David+Greene · · Score: 1

    I can't believe no one has mentioned this classic yet! "Smurfy Security," indeed. That damn song still pops into my head from time to time!

    --

  62. Greendog the Beached Super-Dude by qoa · · Score: 1

    This was the first game I got for my brand new Sega Genesis. It was really boring, but the graphics were amazing compared to nes at the time. Joust was wierd to me. Flying around on giant birds trying to kill other riders over the lava pit.

    --
    Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
  63. Donkey Kong? WTF? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I don't see why they would put Donkey Kong on the list. Except for the mis-translated name, it's basically King Kong -- one of the most well-known movies in the world. It's like saying a video game about Jesus would be weird. Well, sure, it'd be a bit creepy, but it sure as hell wouldn't be odd. Let's try a little harder on these lists, please.

  64. Bambi Horsey? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Bambi Horsey!

  65. Wierdest Game Story of all-time... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
    Journey The Arcade Game:

    Wild alien groupoids have seized Journey's Electro Supercharged Instruments.Your mission is to help Journey retrieve their instruments from the dangers of the five galaxies. Trek through hazardous obstacles in quest of each instrument and then battle your way back to the Scarab vehicle. When all five missions are completed Journey begins a spectacular concert at the Galactic Stadium. Journey plays their hit song while Herbie guards the stage from frenzied groupoids who are trying to take the instruments.

    http://www.davemmr.com/vg/journey.html

  66. Cookie & Cream? aaah, Kuri Kuri Mix by iainl · · Score: 1

    I take it that Cookie and Cream is the US title, then? Here in the UK they released what appears to be the same game as Kuri Kuri Mix. Its a rather brilliant platformer that you need to play two-player, as each bunny helps the other past obstacles - cue much marital argument as wife falls down abyss yet again...

    --
    "I Know You Are But What Am I?"
    1. Re:Cookie & Cream? aaah, Kuri Kuri Mix by RevRagnarok · · Score: 1

      I'm guessing that's the one...

      You can do a quick google search for the images of the bunnies to verify.

      - RR

      --
      I should put something clever here. Maybe someday.
  67. Deus Ex Machina by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
    ...on the ZX Spectrum.

    Defies description to the point that I cant even explain why it was weird. It just was that weird.

  68. Moonwalker by t0qer · · Score: 1

    Any game with michael jackson in it is just plain weird.

  69. Oregon Trail by HFKIRSpyderMonkey · · Score: 1

    Honestly, who in their right mind moves to Oregon? Furthermore, was anyone ever able to cross a river without losing 3 oxen, 2 passengers and countless pounds of food/supplies? I'd wager that precious few of you made it to Oregon with more than 3 surviving crew.

  70. X-ed Eyes by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I can't even tell you what the story of this game was. It was a simple vertical shooter. You have your ship and you kill the bad guys and you get ... fruit??

    When some of the bad guys were hit, they'd turn into fruit (cherries, apples, whatever), which you'd run over for points and powerups.

    The most notable thing about this game is that it made me come up with the saying:

    "Shoot everything, don't get hit, eat the fruit."

    In hindsight, this phrase pretty much describes a vast array of video games.

  71. Five words: by subsonic · · Score: 1

    A Boy and his Blob.

    If feeding jelly beans to grant special powers to a friendly grey ball of slime isn't crazy, I don't know what is.

  72. Flying Tigers... by Mr.Radar · · Score: 1
    I rember playing this game on my grandpa's 486. I didn't pay much attention to the plot of the game, it was just fun. Just last year I looked it up and dang, the plot is weird and the soundtrack is some great techno music. Here's the plot transcirbed exactly (with all typos) from the introduction screen.
    In the year 20947 a new type of terrorist emerged. These terrorist built there system of extortion on technology, creating technological weapons that can unleash vast amounts of destruction upon its victims. Recently they have come up with a new weapon that has threatend every government in the civilized world this weapon gave the terrorist the ability to travel back and forth through time! With this new technology they have begun to reconstruct the history of the world starting at 1943. At this time the began to smuggle technology to the axis powers in an effort to take over the world. The leaders of the world now faced with complete destruction of there world join forces to create there own time machine to battle against the techno terrorist already in the past and have chosen the worlds most sophisticated and advanced fighter group... THE FLYING TIGERS
    --
    What if this signature were clever?
  73. kool-ade man by qtothemax · · Score: 1

    I have this one for the intellivision. You controll two kids in a house that have these really weird ghosts floating around, and you have to use them to collect sugar, a water pitcher and suger, then bring it to the sink to make koolade. If one of the kids gets hit by a ghost it is frozen, and you have to continue with the other. I think if you wanted you could switch which one was frozen. When you finished and made the koolade, there was a bonus level where you made the koolade man move up and down the screen and collect fruit that flies by. Kinda stupid, but still a fun game. I also have to point out how weird Donkey Kong is, although most people have just accepted that one without thinking about it too much.

  74. Anyone remember Monster Party for NES? by thrash242 · · Score: 1

    One of the weirdest games I've played hands down. Bosses include fried shrimp which turns into a onion ring and meat on a stick or something like that, a talking plant that as far as I can tell flirt with the player, a twisted disembodied King Tut head, a giant cat in boxes. Add blood, skulls, kicking frog legs springing from the ground, horribly translated nonsensical dialog (some on par with Zero Wing) and some pretty scary stuff for an NES game and you have a pretty bizarre game. Here's an entertaining review I found: http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=37