Strangest Retro Videogame Plots Pondered
Thanks to TotalGames.net for its article discussing the oddest retro videogame plots of all-time. Among the highlighted titles are Sega's Genesis title, Greendog ("All you hafta do is find the six pieces of the Surfboard of the Ancients. They were hidden long ago by the Aztecs somewhere in the Caribbean"), along with Konami's N64 version of Mystical Ninja ("A giant UFO shaped like a peach has suddenly appeared in peaceful Oedo Town! The evil musical corps, The Peach Mountain Shoguns, have come to steal the Great Stage Plan.") What classic game made the least sense to you?
I like those CRAZY plots where the USA is DEFENDING justice and equality. I laugh my pants off at those ones.
Cats: How are you gentlemen !!
:)
Cats: All your base are belong to us.
Cats: You are on the way to destruction.
Captain: What you say !!
Cats: You have no chance to survive make yourtime.
It doesnt get any more confusing than zero wing.
-
Roses are #FF0000, Violets are #0000FF, find / -name '*base*' |xargs chown -R us && mv zig greatjustice
You're a cat, the world is being attacked by aliens that can only hurt you if you touch them. Oh, and balls of yarn are your power source...
How Jaded Are You?
First up, Bad Dudes:
What's not to love about a game that asks "Are you a bad enough dude to rescue the President?" They couldn't use, say, the FBI, CIA or the NSA. Nope, they just pick 2 "bad" dudes off the street and send them to rescue the president.
Second, Master Blaster:
One of the best games ever for NES. But also, one where you wonder, how much does one risk for the love of a frog. We witness a boy lose his pet frog. It lands on this radioactive box IN HIS BACKYARD!!! Then it jumps down a very, very deep hole and he follows. Luckily, he finds a kickass ride and perfect sized suit to go with it. Then he begins his journey to destroy vast amounts of robots and mutated creatures to rescue his pet frog only to find, his frog has mutated too and he must destroy. Can you feel his pain? Yeah, I didn't think so either.
"The president has been kidnapped by Ninjas. Are you a bad enough dude to save him?"
-Bad Dudes
-=o
You play this plumber, who's a semi-twin. The reason he's not a complete twin is because his brother wears different color pants. Anyway, you're off to rescue your girlfriend, and to do this, you realize that you'll only run in one direction. Ever. But you'll sometimes jump.
Jumping is important, because there are evil mushrooms trying to kill you. You can jump on them. And don't forget the walking turtles.
The sewer system is filled with these big plants that eat you, but don't worry, because some other plants give you the ability to shoot fireballs from your stomach. Fireballs rule. And if you manage to run into the pretty mushrooms, you grow really big. And the flashing stars make you invincible.
Did I mention that the guy who stole your girlfriend is a lizard and has constructed some 100 levels of very repetitive runway for you to run?
Yeah, but it was a fun game, right?
What about Dizzy? You can't get much stranger than a wizard-fighting hard-boiled egg.
Albert Einstein kidnapped after somebody invents a time machine . . . how horribly ironic.
There was this silly game once - these two plumbers where running around throwing fire, punch blocks of brick and stomping on walking mushrooms - while a dude who was flying around in a cloud threw spikey animals at you and flowers, yes flowers, shot fireballs at you. Then they would enter various castles, trying to kill big lizards. And right when you thought you were done, there was another talking dude named, of all things, toadstool, who told you "Sorry dude, this was a fake out, you gotta keep doing this. And when you get to the end it doesn't get any easier - there is a maze you need to navigate through." A flagpole signified your completion of a level yet had no relation to the plot of the game.
:)
Then there were a bunch of sequels and spin-offs... Something about an evil twin and a pet dinosaur that shat and threw eggs, I don't know, I wasn't paying attention.
Oh wait - that was pretty bad ass, wasn't it?
Ok, first off, what the hell is PacMan anyway? This big yellow circle (no 3d back then) that gobbles up dots. What are those dots anyway?
Now our hero, PacMan, is chased around a maze trying to eat these "dots" by a bunch of ghosts who look oddly like the McDonalds Fry Guys. Why are they ghosts? Are they long dead PacMen out to seek revenge? Are they haunting the maze? Have millions of PacMen died in this maze trying to get the valuable dots? Sounds like someone needs to call a priest to me, not some yellow sphere?
One should not theorize before one has data. -Sherlock Holmes-
Dash Dingo.
Your objective? To find and devour the seven crystal babies, or spend an eternity trapped in deep didgeridoo.
(BTW, anyone know the first pop culture reference to dingos eating babies? Seinfeld's Elaine once referenced it, but I want to know the source.)
I came across a fantastic game the other day "Stair Dismount". You have to push a guy down some stairs to see how much damage you can inflict upon him.
It looks like a rag doll physics test bed that the author decided would make a great game. It uses the Open Dynamics Engine.
The plot:
The legendary superhero Spector has found, to his shock, that he cannot write off all the damage he has caused to the city out of his taxes unless he proves that he has sustained significant damage in the process himself! Now it's up to you to 'help' him with this little detail..Download at http://jet.ro/dismount/ (Windows only, although it does mention that some people have had luck running it under Wine).
Ace fun.
Roger
Do you have any better hostages?
The best proof that gameplay is more important than storyline.
Promote civility: mod down any post starting with 'ummm'.
Some of the more surreal cutscenes I have found (along with a story line that makes almost no sense) are in Sega's Super Monkey Ball 2. Excellent gameplay, but the cutscenes in Story Mode involve a baby monkey (son of two of the other monkeys) sent back in time to help defeat Dr. Badboon, who is a mad scientist hell-bent on... marrying the one female monkey in the game. And apparently in order for anything to happen in the game the monkeys have to dance around singing magical Happy Fun songs (Magical Spell is Ei-Ei-Poo!). These have to be seen to be believed. (There may be some footage of the cut-scenes here if anybody's interested, although I haven't checked it out.)
If there are any other games with *more* bizarre cutscenes that run on the current generation of consoles, I'd like to hear it.
My English teacher once told me that two positives don't make a negative. Two words for her: Yeah, right.
(Courtesy of some guy.)
"In the year 199X, a secret command, Saber Tiger, is engaged in a savage war with the Demon's Batallion. The Saber Tiger's youngest leader, "Bang", played a very large role in the fight to the admiration of his fellow commanders. After the completion of one campaign, Bang and his girlfriend, Mary, are enjoying a longawaited vacation at the beach. Suddenly, they recieve an urgent communication from head quarters. It reads 'EMERGENCY CODE NO. 2568623. The inventor of the Doomsday Bomb, Professor Plum, is being held by the enemy, atop Demon's Head Mountain, and it appears the the world is doomed unless Earth surrenders. If the bomb explodes, the Earth will be a dead planet. A mass attack on Demon Head is impossible for the enemy vows to detonate the bomb on sight. Our colleague, Joe, has failed to return from a reconnaisance mission. Bang, only you can rescue Professor plum and save the planet. Now, you've got to get to Demon's Head Mountain at once!'
In the ruins of Demon Head, there dwells a fearsome demon that has terrified generations of people. Bang, and Bang alone, must set out on a daredevil mission to these unknown lands and seek to rescue Plum and deactivate the Doomsday Bomb.
As Bang sets off on his perilous journey to destroy the Demon's Batallion, Mary must remain behind deeply concerned for his life."
Despite what I just said, the point of the game must be to rescue your girlfriend, or else why would she be on the cover... with the flying guy on the motorcycle and the shard of electric glass? Wait... Isn't the point to rescue the professor? Collect the seven coins from the seven swirly bad guy thingies? Why do you need so much money? What happened to the bomb? It's so confusing!
I don't have a degree in Obscure Japanese Mythological Symbology systems! Why is the mushroom with black dancers protecting the talisman of the sun? What did I do to offend the teeth with blue hair? Who the heck are these guys anyway? What's that thing doing? NGYAAAAA!
The ______ Agenda
Was a great arcade game, with a somewhat condensed conversion for the Sega Genesis. The plot was that an evil God had returned and these two guys had to take him out. Pretty basic plot.
The odd thing, was that two or three times a level, a "convenience store" would pop up where you could buy stuff with the "Zenny" you got for killing guys. I always thought that it was awfully shortsighted of the business owners to place their stores in a combat zone.
Blogging Weight Loss, Distance Education, and more at verlin.com
A Cry in the Dark , starring Merryl Streep.
I could just never figure it out... Why on earth would a frog want to cross the road?
You are an anonymous boy. You just happen to have a blob, known only as "blob". It turns into things based on what flavor jellybean you feed it. Things like ladders and trampolines and such. No complex machines, per se. You use it in various forms to navigate the sewer in search of treasure, while it follows you around bouncing and begging for more jellybeans. There is no plot beyond the treasure hunt, and the fact that you have a blob.
Makes perfect sense to me.
The Skinheads have taken Madonna hostage. Take the law into your own hands!
good ol' Vigilante
I mean, come on, both games are basically fifteen hour acid trips.
Super Mario RPG was a constant string of pop culture references that would have been hilarious had the game come out two years earlier. About the time the Axem Rangers showed up, I think we all gave up hope of a deep and compelling storyline.
And Earthbound? Three words for you: Alien Posessed Hippies. That and the psychadelic swirling color backgrounds, and who needs LSD?
Commodore 64 game "Army Moves", 1987 Imagine/Ocean. People probably remember this for the amazing music. It's just that back in late 1980s, it was not at all unusual to make a game where you control an army jeep that jumps. In big arcs. While shooting a lot of missiles. When I presented this game to the new gamer generation (that is, my sister), the laughter was nearly unstoppable. (The second level is boring. The helicopter you control just flies and doesn't, for example, turn into a kamikaze tomato in mid-flight and carpet-bomb the nameless enemy.)
Then some more. "Artura", 1988 Sentient Software/Gremlin. Crappy game. Mostly notable for its great music (surprise surprise!) and the fact that King Arthur marches around and flings about a million axes at the enemy with a single button press.
And that's just a random sample from the "A" section of C64 game selection =) The Nintendo Logic might have been odd at the time, but some C64 games were a few orders of magnitude weirder...
You play the aforementioned chap and go around a house drinking lager/disinfectant/toilet water, eating curry/soap/various other inedibles, farting, getting drunk and generally being a bit of an arse.
:-)
Come to think of it... what were the actual goals of the game?
Quality software from the time of the ZX Spectrum, Commodore 64, Amstrad CPC and the like
I'm sorry, chasing after your radioactive mutated frog through a huge underground world that just HAPPENS to be under your farm is strange to me. It's going to take a lot to beat that.
"It is the mark of an educated man to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." - Aristotle
Not that retro...
I got it for Christmas after reading about it in the 'what can I play with my sweetie' thread. The moon got upset and left so it won't be present for the Moon Festival. So a chicken bestows upon two bunnies their marks of courage - a flower pot and an umbrella, that they wear on their heads. So you have to go and convince the moon to come back. That's just messed up.
- RR
I should put something clever here. Maybe someday.
I withdraw my earlier comments about Earthbound being like an acid trip. Obviously, this game is of a far more potent stuff.
You're a Chef, being pursued by hotdogs, eggs and pickles. You can spray pepper on them to stun them temporarily (pepper spray makes sense today, but back then it didnt, but kinda since the name of the Chef was Peter Pepper, which I always thought was a word play on "peter puffer").
His job is to walk on parts of hamburgers, buns, beef patties, lettuce leaves and sometimes tomato slices and cheese slices, in order to put them together, while trying his best to catch falling icecream cones, french fries and cups of coffee!
But I'm far too lazy to go back and dig through the Penny Arcade archives to find it. It was mostly about Reagan's economic policy, pork, oppressed working class, and the fruit, which apparantly symbolizes nothing.
Sega Genesis, 16 Bit. Two kids are reading a "Global Gladiators" comic and say, "Wouldn't it be fun to be a global gladiator?" Ronald McDonald uses his evil clown powers to put the two kids into the comic book where they are faced with a hellish world filled with slimy creatures. Oh, and the must collect M (for McDonalds) symbols. Ronald shows up at the end of each level to wave you on to the next level.
All the creatures will die, And all the things will be broken. That's the law of samurai. (Jubai, 1605)
Although many, many games had wacky plots back then, the most absurd example was Arkanoid. For the people not in the know: it's pong with bricks. IIRC, the story behind it is to avenge the destruction of your mothership. It had a sequel as well.
Geek runner, motorcyclist and professional know-it-all
Austrailia terrifies the hell out of me. Not only for its modern animal nightmares, but the fact that Aboriginees also had to deal with marsupial cats, descendants to the saber tooth tiger!
Crash Bandicoot should be a banned export...
SMB for NES never made any sense to me. You go around jumping on mushroom to rescue a princess. After going thru 7 castles you are only able to save Toad. It took Mario 8 levels before he finds the right castle, hello?
And what the hell flowers can let you shoot fireballs. And what the hell mushroom makes you two times bigger.
And why is there coins hidden everywhere? I am confused.
The ancient online game called... KARMA WHORING!
You're a dude trying to collect valuable ... whatevers ... and being chased around a brick jungle gym by other dudes trying to stop you. Your only weapon is a digging implement of some sort that can only dig a hole of a certain size, directly to the side of you. And the holes heal up by themselves (interesting brick). You can fall any distance without hurting yourself, but touching the dudes trying to stop you or being in a hole that heals up is instant death. You can land on or walk over the dudes heads with impunity though, their heads are harmless (or perhaps you have dude proof shoes).
Come to think of it, I guess I have seen stranger games.
I've finally had it: until slashdot gets article moderation, I am not coming back.
And I quote: "In a distant galaxy the civilization known as the Yars were attacked by the fierce Qotiles. Though badly damaged, the Yars' fought back using their mechanical ships that look like giant metal insects. The Qotiles have many laser cannons shielded behind celluliod barriers which are capable of destroying the Yars. It's up to you to control your Yar ships and dig your way through the shields and fire your powerful Zorlon Cannon into the Qotiles."
Anybody else remember this gem? Old Atari 2600 game, basically a space invaders clone. You moved a tube of toothpaste across the bottom of a screen that looked like a gum with teeth growing out of it, firing little bits of toothpaste at pieces of food falling from above. The more junk-food the bits were, the faster they moved-cupcakes were pretty much impossible. If they got by you, the teeth would 'decay' a little bit at a time.
I take issue with any article that would classify both "GreenDog" and "Bubsy" as "classic" video games. Someone clue these guys into the fact that just because something is old, that doesn't make it a classic.
m e_ id=7172
all of those games HAD plots. It would have been much more interesting to analyze games without any plots whatsoever. (ie: PacMan)
Or for that matter, how about an article analyzing subtle, yet disturbing implied plots? For example, ever played "BluePrint" by Midway? That game is f'd up! Instead of a countdown timer you've got a crazed rapist chasing down a woman at the top of the screen...
http://www.klov.com/game_detail.php?letter=B&ga
--------------------
Play fun games at: www.LilGames.com
http://www.penny-arcade.com/view.php3?date=2002-03 -04&res=l
Metal Gear Solid 2 anyone? La-li-lu-le-lo?
"There is no teacher but the enemy."-Mazer Rackham
Dractula for Intellivision
Is your goal to hunt down and put an end Dracula's reign of terror? Hell no!
YOU are Dracula walking down the street of a suburban neighborhood. If you see eyes peeking out of a window, go up and knock on the door. If the person is dumb enough to come out, chase them around and bite them. Bite x number of people and get back to your coffin before sunrise.
More Info on Dracula
OddManIn: A Game of guns and game theory.
When you think about, most games are out there when it came to story. Think about it. Most games are the reflection of a 15 year old japanese school girl on ecstacy.
-Dipster
I don't remember it all that well, since I last played it when I was about 4, but ET for the Atari 2600 seemed to have ET walking around a field full of holes that he would fall into. Ocassionally, he could get back out of the holes. Usually not.
For great justice.
Gauntlet had the craziest plot. There's this warrior, a valkerie, an elf, and some wizard who are all trapped in this dungeon. No one knows why, but they are, so they wonder around together, all rushing to eat the food and the potion and not shooting the food. These pixely monsters try to kill them, and every once in a while the exit will move. No one knows why. As time passes you slowly starve to death, and you are frequenly reminded by a ominious, omnipresent voice who provides commentary on the game. "Wizard needs food, badly" and "Red valkyrie shot the food: make up happy memories for me...
SAILING MISHAP
hmm... wouldn't he have to be kidnapped before someone invents a time machine?
It's not enough to bash in heads, you've got to bash in minds. - Captain Hammer
While it's not a story, Frohn(C64)'s manual was hilarious. Unfortunately I can't find it anymore...
> (BTW, anyone know the first pop culture reference to dingos eating babies? Seinfeld's Elaine once referenced it, but I want to know the source.)
It's Googleriffic, it's based on a true story!
I've finally had it: until slashdot gets article moderation, I am not coming back.
I wonder if this anime has the same plot as the game...
You are Michael Jackson. You must save the children from the clutches of Mr. Big. You can use your dancing abilities to destroy enemies, or grab your chimp "Bubbles" and turn into the ultimate fighting robot.
I tried to play it once, but when I saw some dude's heavily pixilated wang all I could do was run....fast.
So you're running through this jungle see, and you can run above ground or down in tunnels, but you have to jump over scorpions as big as you in the tunnels, or hop on the heads of alligators (nicely spaced in a line) above ground. Oh, and don't touch a fallen log or it will hurt. Or fire. You can't run AROUND any of these things, you must go over them, because you are in a VERY LARGE HURRY to run AS FAR AS POSSIBLE because there are bars of gold and silver and bags of money just sitting around this jungle and you have to collect them (fortunately you have no encumberance or weight-allowance issues)...and then twenty minutes later (if you don't die first) you just stop running.
You're playing this line, and this line keeps moving, and actually moves faster and faster, and you steer the line, trying to keep the line from hitting itself, except that of course it will INEVITABLY hit itself as it fills the screen, you just want to avoid that for as long as possible.
You play a small shooting thing that can move in a limited way around the bottom of the screen. At the top of the screen are these long bugs with several sections. The long bugs break apart when you shoot the middle pieces. Sometimes the bugs hit mushrooms and turn. You can shoot the mushrooms too. Once in a while a scorpion will fall out of the sky at you. Oh, and spiders float around in your little limited-movement area, just to make things more fun.
Along the same lines...different platform...you play a little shooting thing. Letters of the alphabet fall out of the sky at you. You must type the correct letter to shoot the falling ones before they hit you. They fall at increasingly rapid rates. You must learn to type or die trying. (ok, that one actually has a pretty good premise outside the "game" context...but as a "game" it was bizarre).
~
"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds." -Emerson
Quote: "You are The Crimson Tape, new leader of the Superhero League of Hoboken, with the amazing power to Create Orginazational Charts. You'll be joined by Tropical Oil Man ("capable of raising the cholestoral level of his opponents"), Robomop ("an intelligent kitchen appliance capable of cleaning up almost any mess"), Iron Tummy ("capable of eating spicy foods without any distress"), Captain Excitement (his "aura of lethargy and dullness can put many opponents to sleep instantly"), and Mademoiselle Pepperoni ("capable of seeing inside a pizza box without even opening it")."
Meteors, mad scientists, girlfriend rescuing, meteor police, tentacles, dungeons...it had it all.
Man I loved that game.
This subject reminds me of the weird plot twist near the ending of Monkey Island 2. It is truly strange to say the least, where LeChuck who tormented you with a voodoo doll is really your brother in a theme park. I remember my first reaction was like 'wtf...' this is totally weird.
...and I haven't seen mention of Marble Madness and Crystal Towers.
Although I don't quite remember the exact plot to any of the games in the Earthworm Jim series,(there were two or three of them), It was a real strange game. To start off you are a giant earthworm that has nothing on but a pair of black sunglasses and went aroud blasting strange monsters with a arsenal of assorted automatic weapons. It's been years since i've played the game so if there is anyone who knows the plot let us know.
HaHaHaHaHa
Anyone who is a long time Sega fan knows that some of the weirdest plots and executions were made for the Sega Master System series of "Alex Kidd" games. How about "Alex Kidd in High Tech World"? You are young prince Alex. A new arcade has opened in town, but you don't know how to get there. You must put together the pieces of the map, scattered through your [japanese] castle, solving riddles and what nots. There's also "Alex Kidd in Shinobi World"... Alex sure was a polyfacetic young chap.
How about Mort the Chicken :
Mort lives in an alternate universe, exactly like ours, except that chickens are the dominant species. On this chicken planet, Mort is the star of his own television series, an animated series of shorts called The Mort the Chicken Show. It takes place on a farm, and depicts the adventures of Mort as he saves his little chicken community from a wide variety of dangers.
What the chickens in this world have never known is that there is another species living in a dimension parallel to theirs, a strange species of cube-like creatures called The Boolyon, who occupy a world of right angles and rigid geometry.
And Boolyon scientists have only recently realized that there is a world outside their own, inhabited by chickens. Due to a huge misunderstanding, the Boolyon elite come to believe that this chicken world is holding cubes as slaves and prisoners. Despite the protests of lesser Boolyon, the Boolyon leaders decide to snatch some baby chickens to hold as hostage until the "cubes are free."
Mort is performing in his television show when the Boolyon raid occurs. An interdimensional gate opens in the well and the Boolyon begin grabbing chicks left and right before anybody can react.
When the dust has cleared, every chick on the farm has gone, and the roosters and hens are dashing around like, well, chickens with their heads cut off.
Except for one chicken -- Mort. Like a fearless Clint Eastwood, with feathers and the ability to cluck, Mort dives into the well, to rescue the chicks or perish in the effort.
Rash, Zitz, and Pimple are three toads from outer space who had to rescue a princess (I'm pretty sure) and slay a bunch of baddies. I loved this game, but it really don't make with the sense, yaknow?
This game was for the genesis, You are a super hero who uses boogers to stop the monsters. I remember one attack you did, where you flick a booger from your nose on to the monster to kill it, that's pretty twisted.
I can't believe no one has mentioned this classic yet! "Smurfy Security," indeed. That damn song still pops into my head from time to time!
This was the first game I got for my brand new Sega Genesis. It was really boring, but the graphics were amazing compared to nes at the time. Joust was wierd to me. Flying around on giant birds trying to kill other riders over the lava pit.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
I don't see why they would put Donkey Kong on the list. Except for the mis-translated name, it's basically King Kong -- one of the most well-known movies in the world. It's like saying a video game about Jesus would be weird. Well, sure, it'd be a bit creepy, but it sure as hell wouldn't be odd. Let's try a little harder on these lists, please.
Bambi Horsey!
Wild alien groupoids have seized Journey's Electro Supercharged Instruments.Your mission is to help Journey retrieve their instruments from the dangers of the five galaxies. Trek through hazardous obstacles in quest of each instrument and then battle your way back to the Scarab vehicle. When all five missions are completed Journey begins a spectacular concert at the Galactic Stadium. Journey plays their hit song while Herbie guards the stage from frenzied groupoids who are trying to take the instruments.
http://www.davemmr.com/vg/journey.html
I take it that Cookie and Cream is the US title, then? Here in the UK they released what appears to be the same game as Kuri Kuri Mix. Its a rather brilliant platformer that you need to play two-player, as each bunny helps the other past obstacles - cue much marital argument as wife falls down abyss yet again...
"I Know You Are But What Am I?"
Defies description to the point that I cant even explain why it was weird. It just was that weird.
Any game with michael jackson in it is just plain weird.
Honestly, who in their right mind moves to Oregon? Furthermore, was anyone ever able to cross a river without losing 3 oxen, 2 passengers and countless pounds of food/supplies? I'd wager that precious few of you made it to Oregon with more than 3 surviving crew.
I can't even tell you what the story of this game was. It was a simple vertical shooter. You have your ship and you kill the bad guys and you get ... fruit??
When some of the bad guys were hit, they'd turn into fruit (cherries, apples, whatever), which you'd run over for points and powerups.
The most notable thing about this game is that it made me come up with the saying:
"Shoot everything, don't get hit, eat the fruit."
In hindsight, this phrase pretty much describes a vast array of video games.
A Boy and his Blob.
If feeding jelly beans to grant special powers to a friendly grey ball of slime isn't crazy, I don't know what is.
What if this signature were clever?
I have this one for the intellivision. You controll two kids in a house that have these really weird ghosts floating around, and you have to use them to collect sugar, a water pitcher and suger, then bring it to the sink to make koolade. If one of the kids gets hit by a ghost it is frozen, and you have to continue with the other. I think if you wanted you could switch which one was frozen. When you finished and made the koolade, there was a bonus level where you made the koolade man move up and down the screen and collect fruit that flies by. Kinda stupid, but still a fun game. I also have to point out how weird Donkey Kong is, although most people have just accepted that one without thinking about it too much.
One of the weirdest games I've played hands down. Bosses include fried shrimp which turns into a onion ring and meat on a stick or something like that, a talking plant that as far as I can tell flirt with the player, a twisted disembodied King Tut head, a giant cat in boxes. Add blood, skulls, kicking frog legs springing from the ground, horribly translated nonsensical dialog (some on par with Zero Wing) and some pretty scary stuff for an NES game and you have a pretty bizarre game. Here's an entertaining review I found: http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=37