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Star Wars Episode III : Birth Of The Empire
lemmen writes "According the Brtish tabloid The Sun, Star Wars III will carry the name 'Birth Of The Empire'. This will be announced soon according the article. Also it describes one of the highlights of the movie: 'A thrilling lightsabre clash between Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker while surfing on lava.' Can't wait till May 15th 2005!" Thanks to reader ExoticMandibles, another quality news source: Teen Hollywood. Update: 05/20 05:47 GMT by T :
Gokey writes with a correction: "StarWars.com indicates that the movie is released May 19th, 2005 (exactly
one year from now) not May 15th, 2005."
I suppose the only consolation is that it could have been worse. How, exactly, is eluding me at the moment, but I am sure that it could have been.
The Birth of a Migraine.
I am a believer of momentum and curves.
The biggest question: Will it pull a Star Trek and contradict everything we know already?
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... surfing on lava? ... surfing on lava? ... surfing on lava? ... sorry, brain seems to be malfunctioning.
~Berj
tony hawk skateboards... GET THEM NOW! Special star wars edition!
It's actually "Revenge of the Empire".
In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is kinky.
My birthday's on the 15th of May. What a better present than a dissappointing end to a 30 year long franchise. Please Lucas...don't screw it up...
------- "From bored to fanboy in 3.8 asian girls" ----------
Aahhhhh, it's a Vader! Congratulations.
Sounds like we are in for a "labor" of pains.
Ok, that was bad. Sorry.
Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.
I vaguely remember that much of Anakin's damage (and the subsequent need of the Darth-suit for life support) was due to him and Ben fighting near lava or plasma. So, I'm glad that's still in there.
But I swear to God in heaven! If the battle consists of Ben and Anny fighting while surfing on 2 rocks floating on a lava flow, I'm walking out.
Knowing Lucas lately, they'll be Beach Boys playing in the background, and Anny will be catchign some "serious air, maannnnn".
That's exactly how I would have described my feelings about more prequels after the first one.
The one article says: "The movie, which is the sixth in the series, also features Anakin being transformed into the evil Darth Vader when he falls into the lava..."
Yeah, a surfing scene is always a great way to spice up a sequel.
Member of Orkut? Annoyed with spam?
This is one birth that should have been aborted.
A witty saying proves you are wittier than the next guy.
Anakin dies... Episode 7 comes out months later revealing that JarJar is ObiWan's new Padawan and that episodes 4-6 were just a dream. New franchise of starwars movies announced.
Yeah, it's even worse to see them smear it on some celluloid and try to pass it off as a movie.
Where's my lobbyist? Right here.
Holy crap! Darth Vader is Luke's father? Way to spoil the ending for me, guys.
If you would have RTFA you would have noticed that Anakin uses Jar Jar as a surf board.
The Hollywood source said: "Anakin and Obi-Wan fight on platforms on the lava. They control these like surfboards." wow, sounds absolutely terrible. if i wanted to see that, i'd go watch spy kids 3d.
http://ipod.fresh27.net/
How else would they out crapulate Tomorrow Never Dies?
A spoiler for episode III is that Anakin will go over to the dark side after he whores himself out to dirty old senator palpatine, and tries to hang himself while huffing bantha poodoo in an effort to find an altered state of the force where the memories of wrinkled sagging skin no longer haunt him. And count dooku dies of cancer.
The story of Anakin's physical transformation was already told in books from a WHILE back.
But yeh, it goes something like that.
At least Lucas didn't completely shred everything and say "you know, I think we should make him wear the suit because Jar Jar accidentally superglues it to his head."
"...while surfing on lava."
Obi-wan: You will not fall to the dark side!
Anakin: Hang ten old man!
(Anakin escapes)
Obi-wan: Bogus
My wife says that the only joy she takes from this is that it's the last movie.
Ceren the BSD chick: Help me RMS! You're my only hope!
Stallman: Use the source Linus!
Gates: Linus! *I* am your father! Come to the dark side!
ESR:bleep! scree! Wrrr!
Perens: I'm sure this is all your fault!
Shut up! It's a dream. Ohhhhhhh!!! I'll never touch that stuff again.....
You mean like the lava surfing scene in Spy Kids 3D?
Lucas used to be original. But THX-1138 was a long time ago.
But just think of the opportunities for fart jokes that last upwards of 6 minutes.
Yoda needed cane to walk and then doing double back flip, mctwists while fighting.
Ah you see, that is Yoda being the crafty little bugger that he is. Notice that he waits until everyone else (except his opponent of course) is out cold before engaging in said acrobatics. As soon as the others start to come round he is back on the stick before they can notice.
I suspect a benefit/social security fiddle of some sort...While I do agree about the water core I have to disagree about Yoda. That ISN'T a cane, it's his pimp staff!
Actually, that was about the only scene I liked from Ep. 2.
"riiiight l810c..."
(reaching for phone to the men in white coats)
"and what was that you were saying about the potato men coming to get you when the clouds rose?"
(hurry up!!!)
earlier versions had the showdown taking place during a dual bungie-jump session at Anakin's bar miztvah
Lava surfing, that sounds great! I can't wait to see it! I SURE HOPE THE SUN AND TEEN HOLLYWOOD HAVE ALL OF THIER FACTS STRAIGHT. 'Cause that sounds like a really awesome scene! Even though it contradicts everything that has ever been said about the first showdown between Obi-wan and Anakin....
Ahh slashdot. Where we spend days / weeks uncovering that an anti-linux source is microsoft backed, but we take the word of 'The Sun' and 'Teen Hollywood' (about star wars no less) as 100% fact.
There are some people that if they don't know, you can't tell 'em.
Now I'm thinking of a secret lair in a volcano, with sharks that have frickin laser beams attached to their heads...
Thanks /. we have Soviet Russia, Hot Grits, pr0n, fp, and everytime I think of sharks I'm reminded of everytime someone mentions it on here.
Vicious circle I suppose... *shrugs*
Are you local? There's nothing for you here!
I just saw this banner on starwars.com
Episode III: A Year to Go
WhatMeWorry
That after this third movie they're dumping the cast and going with a whole new cast except for the droids and Yoda?
That can't be smart.
And at some point during that battle, there *will* be a "clever" visual gag that makes the lava-surfing look like real surfing, and at that point a major character will say "whoah!" like unto the manner of Keanu Reeves. Ad at that point, I will fling poo at the screen.
Mark my words, George Lucas! Poo!
Most people think that the guy who actually goes and explains the joke that everybody else already understood is an asshole.
...is finally coming to fruition!
what's with Hollywood's need to write out-of-character surf stunts into sci-fi/fantasy movies?
You must have forgotten that Frankie and Annette still rule Hollywood with an iron fist.
Where does the school board find them and why do they keep sending them to ME?
As to it not making sense for Luke going to Tatooine, I thought it actually did - wasn't Luke given to "Uncle Owen" (whom I presume is Anakin's half brother) to be raised?
Yeah, real clever, let's raise Darth Vader's son using HIS OWN LAST NAME OF SKYWALKER ON HIS HOME PLANET.
Perry Mason couldn't crack this case.
Oh man, finally a movie to put a Beach Boys song in.
> Ceren the BSD chick: Help me RMS! You're my only hope!
Episode IV: A GNU/Hope
The Sun is a fine periodical that features insightful, well considered, half-naked, intelligent articles on ...did I say half-naked? That has nothing to do with it. Why I'd throw out Page 3 right away except they normally have really interesting articles on page 4 that I really want to keep hidden in my desk ...I didn't write that. You didn't read that. It never happened.
"still looking for a wife"
Speaking as one of the few female-types on here, if you're reading Maxim for the articles, they're crap. I can respect a guy who "reads" it for the pictures (hey, yer human). But if you're using the articles for anything but to laugh at, you really need a better source of info on "how to get a girl".
surfing on lave is too the EXTREME!!!
what a joke.
I don't know, it has a certain appeal, the idea's so obvious that Vader wouldn't bother looking there.
Obi Wan Kenobi, crazy like a fox.
myke
Mimetics Inc. Twitter
Like most pop art, it is no longer in fashion
/.ers the world over.
To the dismay of fashion conscious
How are you 2 doing anyway?
Operator, give me the number for 911!
Star Whores III: Girth Of The Empire
WTF is this? Is the movie even done yet? No! And here you are, condemning it for shit that may or may not even be in it!
I'm going to complain about the scene where the Power Puff Girls come riding in on three identical My Little Ponies and shoot frickin' lasers out of their eyes at C3P0. I hate the fuckin scene! I mean come on! My Little Ponies!?! How lame!
News Flash! The first two were so bad even this one can't redeem them - even if it is somewhat above the level of the suck the first two rank in at.
JAR JAR? R2-D2 FLYING?!?! WHAT THE FSCK?! The list goes on. Hey Look! I've got a minute!
Like Yoda would need a light saber - and if he did, like he wouldn't completely win? Isn't Palpatine about Yoda's level? So who's this Yoda-battle-worthy douche Dooku? Wasn't Douche-ku a pupil of Yoda's? So wouldn't Yoda just stop him dead with the wink of his eye?? On top of that, why did Yoda need his hands to steady that rock he STRUGGLED with? (And why'd he struggle? I thought "size mattered not - only different in your mind")
It's almost like Lucas set out to shatter our love of the real trilogy. Oh yeah - and R2 CAN NOT fly - if he could, why the hell didn't he just fly instead of falling in the swamp on Dagobah? Or when the ewoks got him? Or through the desert? Are You going to tell me his jets will be irrepairably damaged in this upcoming puke fest?
I used to believe it might not suck, back just before I saw Jar Jar and the Gun Guns scene the first time. Then reality set in and I admitted that Lucas has a problem.
Hey - if all the stormtroopers are clones of Boba/Jango Fett - why are the Fetts so good and stormtroopers are so comically pathetic?
I could go on, but I have to leave work now. I cheerily invite someone to pick up where I left off - I'm sure there's some of you out there with flaws I haven't even thought of yet...
========
77 77 77 2e 6d 65 6c 76 69 6e 73 2e 63 6f 6d
Everyone knows about the volcano.
I still have my original programs from Episode 4, Star Trek TMP, Close Encounters and Superman... I was on Isaac Asimov's security detail at Star Trek conventions in the 70's... I won a science fiction trivia contest at a con... I published a fanzine for several years... I financed that fanzine with proceeds from selling swords, "crystal balls" and other drek in the huckster room of many cons... My first date with my wife was to see The Empire Strikes Back...
And still, I feel an uplifting soul-freeing relief, because I didn't know about the fucking volcano.
Boy do I hope the lava wins.
Well, you obviously never read the novelization of Star Wars written by "George Lucas". Please turn in your Spock Ears and comtemplate how you've wasted your life.
But how do I know that Anonymous Coward is a female?
From my personal expierence, most AC are male anyway.
I suggest that that AC create an account with the name of SexyFemaleWillingToBeYourWife and try again at me.
-Grump
Is it true that more people vote for the winner of American Idol, than vote for the president? -Ali G.
I think I might watch it just to see Hayden Christianson fall into boiling lava. Unfortunately I had to wait two movies to see it. If somehow Jar-Jar and Natalie Portman's clothes fall in I will definately spend the $9.
Lucas has, in effect, created a temporal paradox.
/.ers will nothing to bitch about. /.ers will have nothing to troll about.
/dev/existence /dev/null`
If he is somehow stopped from making this movie, then Anakin will never turn into Darth Vader, and the Empire will never be born.
If there is no Empire and no Vader, then the original trilogy could have never existed, thereby negating two things:
1. Lucas' immense wealth (as well the wealth of Hammil and the fame of Ford).
2. The need for the prequels.
If there is no need for the prequels, 2 things will happen due to that:
1. There will have been no prequels, so
2. No more Natalie Portman, so
So... this movie has to be made, the alternative being something along the lines of `mv
And all this time I thought that the Catholics would be the ones to negate the creation...
On that note, who's up for goin to Hollywood with me to stop this movie from being made?
I figure we've got 8 days...
Just be glad that Legolas probably won't show up and surf down some stairs on a shield...
filter: +3. Hey, look! all the trolls went away!
.. the same lame stormtropper getup their mother made out of styrofoam and a sharpie.
Yoda needed cane to walk and then doing double back flip, mctwists while fighting.
There's nothing unrealistic about this. That scene resembled Ozzy Osbourne before, during, and after a performance.
It's not called Birth of the Empire but Springtime For Vader:
Springtime For Vader on Tatooine!
Winter for Lea on hoth
By Jove, I believe I just found a sig.
"Ad at that point, I will fling poo at the screen. Mark my words, George Lucas! Poo!"
What the hell did that poor bear ever do to you?
I suggest that that AC create an account with the name of SexyFemaleWillingToBeYourWife and try again at me.
No, because that would *prove* that the AC is a guy.
Obi Wan and Annakin duel each other inside an enormous volcano, jumping around on rocks floating in the bubbling molten lava. Annakin looks down and sees a shiny gold ring sitting on one of the floating rocks. Suddenly he is seized by an irresitible urge to take the ring. He reaches for the ring, but just as he is about to slip it on his finger, the smouldering carcass of Gollum leaps from the lava screaming "Nooooo! My precioussssss!" and leaps onto Annakin, biting off his finger as they both fall back into the lava.
Just be glad that Legolas probably won't show up and surf down some stairs on a shield...
No, but Anakin will get knocked into the lava by Gollum, falling from high above...
144l. ph34r my 133t l3g4l 5k1lz!
Yoda (looking on from the beach): Around the surfers a perimeter create.
...because there's no better way to come off like an evil badass than to name yourself "Dooku." Except maybe "Chocula."
Jar Jar IS cow dung.
The Powerpuff Girls torturing C3PO? Might be the best part of the whole movie.
End of lesson. You may press the button.
and "yub yub." Don't forget "yub yub."
NT
Any movie that can be ruined in any way by a spoiler isn't a very good movie in the first place.
Psst... Darth Vader is Luke's father!
(Seriously, Sixth Sense was spoiled for me when someone mentioned that Bruce Willis was actually a robot)
I think we should all start saving our poo now.
Episode 3: The Search for Curly's Gold
Never fight naked, unless you're in prison...
Not that I'm a grammar Nazi, but I do know a little bit about speech.
..
:-P
Not to mention, your analysis is pretty week,
'nuff said.
- None can love freedom heartily, but good men; the rest love not freedom, but license. -- John Milton
"Go ahead, mod me down as though I were some sort of nerd heretic."
Moderators--DON'T DO IT! He will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!
"Do not drill any holes in your cat - it will not like it."
-- Nick Davies
I heard it was gonna be sharks with friggin' laser beams attached to their heads...i'd pay to see that!
I saw the Sign, and it opened up my eyes
And then Anakin Skywalker will jump over some sort of alien lava shark on his surfboard....
You mean deja vi don't you?
SCOrm Trooper: "halt!"
Obi-Wan Kernelbi: "These aren't the sources you are looking for."
SCOrm Trooper: "...These aren't the sources I'm looking for..."
i'll go see it...
"Basically, the hamsters in the focus rooms hit the pedal more times when "Birth of an Empire" was read."
I wonder if "Abortion of an Empire" was ever considered as a title for Star Wars VI?
Warning, this will probably get modded as a troll post..
Let's see...
(X) Bitch about George Lucas making oodels of $$
(X) Bitch about how stupid the titles are for the prequels
(X) Bitch about how the story sucks
(X) Bitch about all things Star Wars Prequel
(X) Pay my $10 to see it
There is the paradox!
---- You have been programmed by the Illuminati to not see the word ""!
Bruce Willis was a ROBOT?!! Oh man, I have to go back and watch that whole frickin' movie again!
/
Ade_
Big Bubbles (no troubles) - what sucks, who sucks and you suck
"The more posts you moderate, the more your moderation points slip through your fingers."