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Duke Nukem Forever Reviewed

Posted by ryuzaki0 on from the future-of-gaming dept.

Aranth writes "The staff at Ars Technica has gotten its hands on a demo of Duke Nukem Forever, and has written up a review. It seems the game is near ready for release! As the article explains, the reason it has taken so long to develop is because this is the first real Web 3.0 application- it has 'been rewritten as an Ajax application written using the Ruby on Rails framework' and runs in any web browser, although some seem to have difficulties." Sadly, the game looks to be deficient in the area of ponies. :(((( But, it's playable from my hiptop!! :))))

80 comments

  1. Try a little harder... by tpjunkie · · Score: 3, Interesting

    Come on guys, this isn't even close to believable.

    1. Re:Try a little harder... by MoonFog · · Score: 1

      Who says they're trying? "Everyone" knows that April 1st stories on Slashdot are bogus. Or perhaps you really think we'll be seeing this pink theme and stories about cuteoverload from now on? Laugh, it's funny.

    2. Re:Try a little harder... by Sigma+7 · · Score: 1
      Come on guys, this isn't even close to believable.


      Bad advice - a true reader doesn't want them to even try mangling what would be good AFJs.

      A good AFJ would be the Goblin Tinker announcement. It even fooled Slashdot since they mangled it to make it look like an obvious AFJ.
    3. Re:Try a little harder... by nelsonal · · Score: 1

      Dang, I was hoping that I'd won a pony. That ruins my day.

      --
      Degaussing scares the bad magnetism out of the monitor and fills it with good karma.
    4. Re:Try a little harder... by BongoBen · · Score: 1

      As I read through the article, I tried to make myself believe that the game was actually going to come out soon. It made me feel kind of good.

      --
      The Dude abides.
    5. Re:Try a little harder... by wed128 · · Score: 1

      To tell you the truth, by the time i got to the end, i kind of wished they weren't kidding.

    6. Re:Try a little harder... by Doomstalk · · Score: 1

      Laugh, it's funny.

      It is? Could've fooled me.

    7. Re:Try a little harder... by se7en11 · · Score: 2, Funny

      It got me until I saw that it was available for Linux, then I knew it was a joke. LOL!!1

    8. Re:Try a little harder... by Jeff+Hunter · · Score: 1

      You know, I have decided that I will be buying the game when it comes out, the day it comes out! I will be standing in line, along with the other fourty or so 60+ gamers who have been waiting most of their adult lives for this game to come out. It will be fun.

    9. Re:Try a little harder... by mausmalone · · Score: 1

      There wouldn't be much point to making it believable with the 'aprilfools' tag on it.

      --
      -=-=-=-=-=
      I'd rather be flamed than ignored.
  2. Very clever by Fuzzyhaze · · Score: 1

    I would've never thought of using AJAX for the game, but this looks like a winner! (Congrats to Anandtech on the screenshots though- awesome!)

    1. Re:Very clever by OmegaBlac · · Score: 1

      Ars Technica is behind joke & screenshots, not Anandtech.

  3. prank? by jon1986 · · Score: 0

    The best thing that the producers could do is release Duke Nukem Foreever on April 1st

  4. First real Web 3.0 application? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    So... will it run on linux?

    1. Re:First real Web 3.0 application? by technoextreme · · Score: 3, Funny
      So... will it run on linux?
      Wow. I've heard of not reading the freaking article but this takes the cake. Yes it will run linux.
      --
      Ooo man the floppy drive is broken. No wait. The computer is just upside down.
  5. Didn't need the pink... by Kithraya · · Score: 2, Funny

    Didn't need the pink background to know this was a joke. I mean, come on. It's Duke Nukem Forever. The day it actually is released, the world will come to an end.

    1. Re:Didn't need the pink... by OmegaBlac · · Score: 2, Funny
      I mean, come on. It's Duke Nukem Forever. The day it actually is released, the world will come to an end.
      Nope. A few apocalyptic signs such as the appearance of the Infinium Phantom Console, Windows Vista, and 99.8% of slashdotters getting "laid" still needs to be fufilled before the end is to come. Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on how you look at it), the last sign will take ages before it even comes close to fruition. ;)
    2. Re:Didn't need the pink... by LordOfTheNoobs · · Score: 1

      We have. We just don't like to say anything because it would make you guys feel bad.

      --
      They're there affecting their effect.
    3. Re:Didn't need the pink... by hedwards · · Score: 1

      I think the pink and the ponies was a diversion.

    4. Re:Didn't need the pink... by kesuki · · Score: 1

      It feels so good to be included as the .2% who don't get laid. I'm glad you included all 1,800 of us, who won't get laid. (wrongly assuming that there are 900,000 slashdotters, which is greatly infladed by mass accounts etc.) so really being one of 18 slashdotters who will not wind up being laid, not even as a sign of the apocalypse just kinda makes me feel special.

      --
      https://www.gnu.org/philosophy/free-sw.html
    5. Re:Didn't need the pink... by kesuki · · Score: 1

      ahah found it i needed to save an april foold day page, and taek the fools.css copy it and change everything with 'red' -fools and a 'high red color' and modify them.

      --
      https://www.gnu.org/philosophy/free-sw.html
    6. Re:Didn't need the pink... by Edward+Teach · · Score: 1

      Duke Nukem Forever is the 64th disk in the end of the world Towers of Hanoi puzzle. Once it is released, the monks' job is complete.

      --

      Setting his threshold to 5, Sparky eliminated most of the trolls on /.

  6. I had a problem... by AnonymousPrick · · Score: 2
    FTFA: So I installed the demo, but thought there had to be more.

    I had a problem installing. The install program seams to have a problem with installing as a "Run as.." admin account. But when I install it after logging in as the admin through the startup screen, no problems.

    This needs a lot of work and I think it's going to be a while before it's released.

    --
    Saturday is April 1. Slashdot will be shut down. Sorry for the inconvenience.
  7. any torrent? by necromcr · · Score: 1, Funny

    any?

    --
    No more I say.
  8. Ponies! by The+Lerneaen+Hydra · · Score: 1

    Nooo!!111oneoneone I wnated PONIES!!! :(:(:(:( I hoep tehy make make a duke nukem pony edition!!! that wud so fit in and be perfect!!!! dont you think???????

  9. PonnyCops by mobby_6kl · · Score: 1

    How is that possible? I always thought those pigcops were actually mutated ponies, and not ehm... pigs.

  10. You're cracking me up! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
    Ha ha ha



    April Fools editors!

  11. Great! by bhunachchicken · · Score: 1

    Anyone got a torrent???

    --
    THE HONOUR OF THE KNIGHTS - CC Licensed Sci-Fi Novel
  12. WTF? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Like, oh my god, according to Ars, Duke Nukem Forever requires a keyboard and mouse? That is sooooo totally 20th century. You would think that by now they would require virtual reality goggles. As if.

    (sorry I am trying to keep with the /. color scheme)

  13. Late? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    "Posted by CowboyNeal on Saturday April 01, @12:23PM"
    An april fool past noon... looks like CowboyNeal is the fool here.

  14. Not Important!!! by DAldredge · · Score: 1

    What is important is IF THEY LIKE PICKLES!!!!

    do they??

  15. LOL SODOMY by rock217 · · Score: 2, Informative

    From TFA
    The Good:
    * Bright, cheery graphics
    * Hilarious hatred of women
    * Violence that brings back fond memories of the first Mortal Kombat
    * Why grow up? Get some Duke in your life
    The Bad:
    * Hatred of women maybe not so hilarious after all
    * Slim multiplayer pickins'
    * A little bit on the short side
    * Not enough sodomy
    The Ugly:
    * It has sodomy at all

    Uhhh...Yeah...

    --
    Wah Sig!
    1. Re:LOL SODOMY by bckrispi · · Score: 1

      Well. You *do* remember what happened after Duke told that alien, "I'm gonna rip off your head & shit down your throat", don't you?

      --
      Xenon, where's my money? -Borno
  16. Best line from the article... by Whackjack · · Score: 5, Funny

    Opera 8.5 was a bit glitchy, with some of the dialog being rendered in what sounded like a Scandinavian accent.

    Classic.

  17. Seriously by wideBlueSkies · · Score: 2, Informative

    If April Fools on this site wasn't so overdone, and if this story was inserted in the middle of a bunch of real ones, it would have made for a very good joke. Without the AJAX reference of course...

    The timing would have been beleivable, given that we haven't heard from 3d realms is a while.

    --
    Huh?
    1. Re:Seriously by DerCed · · Score: 3, Funny

      You will all get the joke the editors had in mind when you wake up tomorrow morning and ./ is still pink. :)

    2. Re:Seriously by blueflash2o · · Score: 1

      i read it at around 1am before i went to sleep it had me untill i realized it was april 1

    3. Re:Seriously by Iron+Condor · · Score: 1

      ...which is of course exactly what Ars did. Ars: write it up matter-of-factly and sprinkle it in with the rest of the serious articles: subtle adult humor. /. : quote it, spray-paint it pink, write "OMG PONIES" on it and mix it with other obvious jokes: sophomoric junk.

      --
      We're all born with nothing.
      If you die in debt, you're ahead.
  18. from http://www.3drealms.com/duke4/ by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Interesting

    No, you cannot pre-order the game. If you see some online store saying "We are taking pre-orders", they're just trying to get your money (they usually also make up their own supposed "insider release date info", too). There is no release date set, we are not taking pre-orders for the game. End of story.

    Once we begin taking pre-orders, believe us, you'll know about it. :)

    The release date of this game is "When it's done". Anything else, and we mean anything else is someone's speculation. There is no date. We don't know any date. If you have a friend who claims they have "inside info", or there's some game news site, or some computer store at the mall who claims they know - they do not. They are making it up. There is no date. Period.

    And yes, we know the game has taken a long time. There's no possible joke you could make about the game's development time that we haven't already heard. :)

    1. Re:from http://www.3drealms.com/duke4/ by Guppy06 · · Score: 3, Funny

      "There is no date. We don't know any date."

      You and every other Slashdotter.

  19. Frist Prost - 4/1 Mod me up. by xsspd2004 · · Score: 1

    xoxoxoxoxoxo OMG Kitten Cannons.

    --
    This is not an illusion, a rip-off, or a ninja technique!
  20. I for one, welcome... by Eli+Gottlieb · · Score: 1

    Our new Messianic overlord. With Duke Nukem Forever out, he surely can't be far behind!

  21. In fact, DNF is so awesome... by ickeicke · · Score: 1

    Duke Nukem Forever is so Web 3.0, that IT can run linux!

    --
    Firehed - Unfortunately, thanks to medical breakthroughs, common sense is not as common as it once was.
  22. Color by siliconvortex · · Score: 3, Insightful

    I used to think the games section had the worst color scheme.

    I am sad that I was wrong.

  23. Erm... Nothin' here. by hunterkll · · Score: 0

    Can i have some free good karma? ;)

  24. I'm seeding it TorrentPonies.com by Jackie_Chan_Fan · · Score: 1

    no really.

  25. Re:Duke Nukem is a nigger. by alx5000 · · Score: 1, Offtopic

    Yeah, d00d, sure, Montgomery's got the answer ...

    --
    My 0.02 cents
  26. Not news by Midnight+Thunder · · Score: 1

    This is not news. I have just found out that the music industry has just abolished DRM (Draconian Rights Management) and the DMCA (Draconian Management of Consumer Assets) has also just been been banned.

    Apparently it has been decided that the consumer has been screwed enough and that there are better ways to make money from those people. Also the term consumer has been replaced with the term 'those buying suckers' (TM).

    This is some day. :-)

    --
    Jumpstart the tartan drive.
  27. I am no longer reading Slashdot. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    This is just ridiculous. From now on, I'm sticking to Fark, where /. gets a lot of its stories anyway.

    1. Re:I am no longer reading Slashdot. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Plus, Fark has boobies.

      Sometimes anyway.

    2. Re:I am no longer reading Slashdot. by Mistshadow2k4 · · Score: 1

      You obviously didn't wind up on the same page as I did when I went to Fark earlier today. It was all frog porn. Earlier there was a picture of a squirrle with a huge pair of nuts. Not edible nuts.

      --
      I dream of a better world... one in which chickens can cross roads without their motives being questioned.
  28. We're late guys :((( OMG by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    The review itself introduces the game with its name, publisher, retail price and an interesting link claiming "shop for this item".
    Following the link leads to a page wich says:

    Duke Nukem Forever for PlayStation 2
    No longer
    available for sale.

    Duke Nukem Forever for Windows
    No longer
    available for sale.

    My pony carried me late :((( yours too :(((

  29. You know it's bad by Geoffreyerffoeg · · Score: 1

    when you think the purple games.slashdot theme is easy on your eyes.

  30. Any REAL news? by garyr_h · · Score: 1

    Is there going to be any REAL news today? Or is it just going to be filled with ponies and pot of golds?

    --
    http://chickencamels.poemofquotes.com/
  31. Awww Cmon! by Apocalyps3 · · Score: 1

    It may be April fools but there's only so far you can push it, I mean yeah sure the layout etc, actually on that note, omg k33p it pweaszeeeee!!!!! s0 cutttttttteeeeeee!!!!!!!!!11

    ok but cmon! Duke Nukem Forever review too far guys! more effort, kthx

  32. MOD PARENT DOWN! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I wish we could moderate Slashdot articles instead of just the comments.

  33. kind of relieved? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    In a sick way, I'm sort of glad this is a joke. I too have long been waiting with anticipation for "forever" but I know that the day it is released my productivity will drop to zero, and I will likely fail out of school.

  34. that's illegal by G3ckoG33k · · Score: 1

    WTF, torrents of an unpublished demo? That's illegal. You should know that. Don't you remember HL2 or NT4? They came down hard on those dudes, like Duke himself would've.

  35. DNF? by Xichekolas · · Score: 0

    My morning...

    *wake up*

    dum de dum... /.!

    DNF is coming out?!?

    *hell freezes over*

    *pigs fly through room*

    *monkeys begin streaming out of butt*

    *universe implodes as fundamental law of vapourware is violated*

    Thanks a lot /. ... just had to go destroy the universe... I hope you are proud of yourself...

    --

    Self-referential Sigs are cool on /. these days...

    54

  36. I don't think so by Symp0sium · · Score: 1

    There is more chance of Windows Vista being released than this even making it to demo.

  37. Gonna do them all? by 4D6963 · · Score: 1

    C'mon on, please don't tell me we're gonna see them all on /. today (by "them all" I mean these : http://aprilfools.urgo.org/ )

    --
    You just got troll'd!
  38. gift certificate! by Jaryn · · Score: 2, Funny


    this isn't even funny! :p

    in january 1999, i received a gift certificate from 3drealms for $35 dollars because i won one of their camera captioning contests... and, foolishly, I decided that I would wait a lil while until DNF (Duke Nukem Forever, not Did Not Finish) was released and use it on that!

    And so.. yeah, fast forward to 6 years later..

    my heart skips a beat! ...

    anybody want a $35 dollar gift certificate?

    1. Re:gift certificate! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Hey, I'd use that certificate if I was you! 3DRealms have a lot of excellent games in their back-catalog.

  39. Until the tags by tprime · · Score: 1

    I had forgotten what day it was until I looked at it and saw the:

    aprilfools, gay, straight, dnf, vaporware (tagging beta)

    tags... Ruin a perfectly good joke...

    --
    http://www.tomandemily.com
  40. L@@K!!!!! by MattEOtournaments · · Score: 1

    Come to www.eotournaments.com we have the best playersz ever! Cum wathc out touranmanets, u won't be diaspointed!

  41. Oh man by Taulin · · Score: 1

    When I first saw the article, I too was dissappointed it was finally coming out, as if a part of me had died. When I read it ran in a browser, I was happy again it was not out yet. Had me fooled until I read the Ajax comment.

  42. It would've been more believable if... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    ...they announced that DNF runs best with a Bitboys Glaze3D graphics card.

  43. Oh man... by kentrel · · Score: 1

    404.. Funny Not Found

  44. Ponies? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    > the game looks to be deficient in the area of ponies

    Are you kidding, I tried the Firefox 2.0f version... A real bloodbath of ponies...

  45. APRIL FOOLS! by Eideteker · · Score: 1

    APRIL FOOLS!

    --
    sic
  46. The review forgot some facts. by master_p · · Score: 1

    DNF was also released for ZX Spectrum, C64, Amstrad CPC6128, BBC, Acorn Electron, Atari 2600 and Atari XL. That is why it took them so long to make.

    Brussard stated that they were going to make an Apple I version, but the hardware was not powerful enough.

  47. If I was 3D Realms by Wescotte · · Score: 1

    I would make sure that when it's actually done it really is realized on April 1st as a big fuck you.

  48. FPS? by neo1k · · Score: 1

    Too bad there was no mention of how many frames per second they got. :(

  49. DNF by curtlewis · · Score: 1

    Ah, yes, good ol' Duke Nukem Forever, aka DNF, which is a common acronymn for:

    Did Not Finish

    Coincidence or planned? You decide!

  50. Found a great site... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Just found a great site and preordered 10 copies for Christmas.
    They say C-64 version has just gone gold.....

  51. NO! Its true!!! by Back+Slider+1969 · · Score: 0

    And there's a whole squadron of monkeys ready to fly out of my anus.

  52. Gamie is Released? by SpamBoxer22 · · Score: 1
    The same day this article was posted my friend showed me a website he said it is sorta like NFORCE or something although kept more upto date and more quickly. Guess what showed up in the releases for 4/01 on PC Games

    Duke.Nukem.Forever-1LiRPA (http://www.tehserver.us/Games)

    It seems highly unbelieveable although have to admin good April fools joke although, it is very obvious that it would stir things up.

    Well, I cannot wait to pick it up in stores if and when it comes out.