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7 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Outbreak Would Fail
Whether they spoil in the heat, freeze in the winter, or get taken out by a human-friendly venue of vultures, a zombie outbreak is unlikely to succeed. Here's 7 reasons why we should stop worrying about the shambling dead and start concentrating on a real threat: sparkly vampires.
There are no zombies?
This article is the reason why idle.slashdot.org exists.
"There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death." Proverbs 16:25 (NKJV)
God damnit!
Come on now. Everyone know if you eat zombie flesh you become a zombie. Before you know it we'll be up to our necks in zombie lion, zombie tiger and zombie bears. However, zombie birds will probably be the worst considering the distances they can cover.
So, so tired of zombies, pirates, ninjas, and robots. Jesus, Internet, can you please latch on to something else? Anything? I know whatever it is you latch on to will still get annoying, with 18 year old girls running around pretending to be cute and funny, but just being fucking annoying, but for the love of god, let the Zombie bullshit die.
You wouldn't be saying that if you'd met some of my managers.
Brain dead - check; stumbling through life - check; rampant desire to eat people's brains (or simply recruit them to their own viewpoint) - check.
QED.
davel
dot-sig.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFYCgBJyh20
This person is claiming that zombie outbreaks will fail, but where is the evidence? Has there ever been a zombie outbreak that has actually failed for any of these reasons?
It all seems like blind optimism to me.
Am I part of the core demographic for Swedish Fish?
I, for one, leave it to the US to deal with zombie outbreaks. You, guys have so many weapons stashed up it would be a joke to deal with a couple of zombies. Just get to Europe, will ya?
I've barely grown this to a full blown fantasy and now it's crushed (or its head has been blown off). Why can't I have one deeply warped narcissistic apocalyptic fantasy that is not ruined by science and logic? Damn you science, damn you all to hell!
We got em, they don't. To quote another fictional character, Neo, "Guns, lots of guns"
There are two pages to the article. Why you link to the second one instead of the main one is beyond me.
Yes I know people complain about the editors and the like, but is it really that much to ask to link to the main page?
http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://api.ning.com/files/7AYtkLa6eOoH9h9JNNRsjPSpVXZ6CXlJYJ1Zt8wV9HlYobeRjsnRYEVbbOjMF8sYQDvhCwT41kA*ZlTgAuUkAeMjY7m6fdpo/preparedness.jpg&imgrefurl=http://activitypit.ning.com/xn/detail/1981927:Album:1521363%3Fxg_source%3Dactivity&usg=__4kcLjAeQ7W63NoS9Ifg7dgm7ehg=&h=636&w=640&sz=120&hl=en&start=0&zoom=1&tbnid=sofGa6K6AY7W2M:&tbnh=123&tbnw=113&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dpreparedness%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DG%26biw%3D1005%26bih%3D561%26gbv%3D2%26tbs%3Disch:1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=380&vpy=93&dur=2460&hovh=224&hovw=225&tx=137&ty=125&ei=I8ZtTLHjKYm8sAP26fnwCg&oei=I8ZtTLHjKYm8sAP26fnwCg&esq=1&page=1&ndsp=17&ved=1t:429,r:2,s:0
more cowbell
They're DEAD. As in no more. Ceased to be. Gone off to meet their maker. Bereft of life. Shuffled off their mortal coils.
I eat only the real part of complex carbohydrates.
Read World War Z and the Zombie Survival Guide and you will have some sound (although I'd agree that they're hardly perfect) scientific reasons why zombies might make it.
You know, the things that we know exist and aren't fake and don't have "evil" powers that transcend mortal worlds?
Obviously a fictional zombie outbreak will fail. Old-style fictional zombies are dead, where has the author been for the past decade-plus?
A mutation of several well known parasites could very easily create a very real infectious parasitical disease similar to that of zombies.
All we need is some rage, a dash of EXTREME HUNGER, and a sprinkle of adrenaline, and some transferral method of the parasite.
There you go, a very real and very dangerous outbreak.
They will be able to climb, they will be able to work with doors, and will be able to think, most of the time, if anything, the rage will just make them more determined to rip your neck out in search of delicious meats.
It certainly won't last a long time, it will be quarantined, unlike in 28 days / weeks later, pretty quickly.
The chances of it happening? Very unlikely, mainly due to the transferral part, it would require some very smart mutations, almost shots in the dark, to get to the point where it would become an unexpected event.
We already have the rage-inducing parasites and hunger parasites.
An expected outbreak is more likely, however. And we could well probably make it extinct before it even becomes a threat.
Link points to page 2 of 2. Here's page 1: 7 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Outbreak Would Fail (Quickly) | Cracked.com
exactly, while werewolves are very much real, although they're not to be feared
my karma will be here long after I'm gone
Zombies feed on brains. Thanks to our fine educational system, we'll starve them out.
Have gnu, will travel.
Zombies are the new vampires, and to date none of them sparkle in the sun.
Want to know why zombies are so cool? Because Hollywood will never be able to get 14 year old girls interested in crappy zombie romance/emo books and movies....
HA! I just wasted some of your bandwidth with a frivolous sig!
Ahem. I beg to differ.
Absolute power corrupts absolutely. indymedia
The article is dead wrong. The zombies will win when the arise, because while we have brains and guns, they will have zombie Jesus on their side.
HA! I just wasted some of your bandwidth with a frivolous sig!
Some graduate students in my department put together some simple models for zombie apocalypses and the results don't look well for humans: http://thevirtuosi.blogspot.com/2010/07/zombpocalypse.html
...so explain to me how #1 will solve the problem of say, India. Oh sure, #1 will keep you safe for awhile in the lightly populated, heavily armed western united states, but what about the rest of the world? You got enough bullets to stop the other 6 billion people on the planet?
HA! I just wasted some of your bandwidth with a frivolous sig!
The article has two #6s and no #4.
I didn't think editors made mistakes...
I know it's idle and all, but really? Linking to Cracked? I just looked at the firehose, and there is some good stuff in there.
Seriously... Cracked?
...because as soon as they start to animate they are snapped up by Washington DC lobbying firms and sent in to make those sweet deals.
Python: 'And then suddenly you have a language which says "we're all stuck with whatever the whiniest coder wants".'
Some myths to accept as truth BEFORE considering why a Zombie Outbreak would fail:
(1) Zombies are real
(2) The Zombie infection is viral and spread by getting Zombie fluids (blood, saliva, etc) in another body. It also requires an incubation time.
(3) Zombies need no form of sustenance (food, drink, oxygen, etc)
(4) Zombies eat as an instinct... and it's their only instinct.
(5) They can only be killed by destroying their brains (dealing sufficient damage)
(6) Zombie "blood" is thick and gooey, does not evaporate, and doesn't seem to circulate
(7) Zombies can freeze, but they can also thaw and continue killing
(8) Zombies do not run. They shamble.
(9) Zombies do not have super-human strength, but, when they're seeking food, they only know Full Power and No Power.
(10) Zombies feel no pain
(11) Zombies do not tire or need rest
Ok, so assume all of this to be true. Also, assume that a major zombie infection begins in one metropolitan area and is spread by people who've been bitten leaving the scene and spreading the risk around larger geographic areas. So it starts, people move about, and eventually turn into zombies themselves. People panic and run, taking the wounded with them, instead of fighting back. Then the panic gets serious. People start hoarding food, water, and supplies. People become a bit more frivolous with their fire arms. Innocent people are killed. In-fighting begins. Looting. All the while, zombies are still killing and spreading the virus.
That's the real fear... the breakdown of society. People killing people in a panic while zombies are doing the same.
That's also the fantasy, to be honest. Those who those who romanticize about it seeing the society they despise fail and giving opportunity for a reboot.
they have to get to where I am... and they aren't likely to make it across the oceans.
Just be as dumb as homer simpson and they will pass you over
Go back to reading your comic books.
At least in the world of Windows users.
First they make a big deal out of how zombies would have all sorts of natural predators from carnivorous mammals to insects. Then they claim how hard it is for blood borne diseases to transfer ignoring how they just made a great case for how non-humans could be vectors. The high rises that the humans barricade themselves in certainly wouldn't be difficult barriers for zombie rats or zombie mosquitoes.
But that's not as funny as them taking zombie movies so seriously to start with.
does anyone besides me think how awesome it would be to work for Umbrella?
Problems with this sunny optimism:
1) "Zombies would get eaten by insects, flies, bacteria, etc."
This doesn't corroborate with any zombie flick I've seen. For the undead-variety zombie, it can be assumed that whatever supernatural force keeps them animated, it also keeps away the worms. For the infection-variety zombie, there's no reason that a zombie would attract insects and such any more than a casually ambling human. The infection-variety may be just as susceptible to micro-organisms as we are, so you might have some attrition due to staph infections, but localized infections aren't going to slow it down.
2) "Zombies can't take heat."
This is just a repeat of the above, only dealing with the normally benign intestinal microbes. There's no reason why an infection-variety zombie would have a problem with this, and a supernatural zombie has a supernatural immune system.
3) "Zombies can't take cold."
Possibly valid for supernatural-style zombies. Alaska will be very well defended in the winter. Zombie outbreaks are really more of a summertime pandemic.
4) "Biting people is a terrible way to spread a disease."
Yes, it is. On the other hand, there are a few elements that make it viable. For starters, what does a normal human normally do after another human bites them? Seek out other people. Without prior knowledge of the disease, it grows exponentially---and the hospitals are one of the first places where an outbreak will start. The guys in biohazard suits don't come until later, if they haven't already been taken out in their normal, here's-some-antibiotics lives.
None of this has anything to do with supernatural-type zombies, anyway.
5) "Pain insensitivity is a bad thing."
If you're a human. If you're a zombie, as long as you can physically move (and bite), then it's A-OK.
6) "The landscape is full of zombie-proof barriers."
Okay, this guy has never seen a zombie movie. Don't you know that when zombies have an obstacle with people on the other side, they can execute complex plans? Or that that door will not hold forever while the undead pound on it? Or that you'll run out of food and have to come out eventually anyway... Zombies are not smart, but they're not completely stupid either---they have object permanence, for one thing, which puts them above a small child. They don't randomly go careening into rivers; there is a certain animal instinct to them.
7) "We have guns."
That you do. The US military has all sorts of nifty weapons, too, that should give them the absolute advantage in any military conflict with a developing nation like Afghanistan, Iraq, or Vietnam....
Most Zombie literature holds that large-scale weapons like bombs, machine guns, artillery and explosive weapons are ineffective. Some take the tack that the outbreak happens so quickly that we don't get use them because the Zombie overwhelm the delivery systems (you can't drop a bomb without a plane; no pilots? no air base? no bombing).
I think this undersells military weapons and how effective they might be.
A gattling-type machine gun or minigun would be devastating in massed crowds -- it'd be like using a firehose. Cluster munitions would also be pretty devastating, as would most conventional high explosives, particularly carpet bombing. Zombies don't hide or dig bunkers.
Fire gets dismissed as "zombies-don't-feel-pain" but I think that discounts how hot napalm could burn (or be made to burn); at some point the flesh will incinerate.
I do agree that among ordinary civilians, ordinary small arms could be ineffective among most people -- poor skills and a reasonable challenge (assuming headshots) for even skilled handgunners, limited ammo, and so on.
Why not? Ok heres a scene.
Zombies walk into ocean because there's no meat left where they were, they get eaten by sharks, people fishing catch sharks, you go to the local fish and chips shop, grab a nice bit of flake and a minimum of chips with vinegar on em, next thing you know, a trip to the local university for some quality brains is in order...
You linked to page 2 of a two page article and spoiled it with just the top 3 you stuck up, half witted, scruffy looking nerf herders.
http://www.kgw.com/news/Car-accident-victims-dressed-like-zombies-confuse-crash-witnesses-98157894.html
Portland Police Sergeant Greg Stewart told the news station, "We're glad that everyone is alive, despite being 'undead.'"
In GOD we trust, all others we monitor.
if the tea party wins a lot legislative seats, then the zombie outbreak will have succeeded
intellectual property law is philosophically incoherent. it is your moral duty to ignore it or sabotage it
If anything like this:
http://www.damninteresting.com/body-snatching-barnacles-and-zombie-crabs
ever evolved to infect our species you'd have something pretty close to a zombie outbreak.
Imagine, people infected with something which diverts their basic instincts, millions more parasites start growing in their flesh and they protect them as an otherwise sentient free humans with all the zeal and ferocity that someone will protect their children.
TFA seems to takes only one possible zombie scenario; the dead rising from the grave. Most of the more well thought out zombie scenarios seem to have zombies as a secondary effect of a primary event. Take for example "Omega Man" where most of the population is killed off by the virus, while a large group turns into zombies, and a small group is simply immune. The primary catastrophe is the collapse of modern society due to massive population decreases. The surviving humans, even without the pressure of an undead predator, will get a fresh new perspective of mother nature.
Modern military forces, rednecks, pistol toting fudge packers, and inner city ghetto rats will have to survive their friends, families, and loved ones suddenly turning into rabid flesh eating zombies. Soldiers seldom have access instant access to their firearms off the battle field (take a look at Fort Hood massacre), even Rednecks have to put down their weapons long enough to get into the beer dispensary and the fudge packers have to use all fours to get it on. The suddenness of the outbreak will go a long way to determine the successfulness.
Reducing western living individuals to a pre-agrarian life style (lets face it, with less than 10% of the population still practicing agriculture in western societies), the threat of an unsleeping, undying, fleshing eating cannibal that can withstand tremendous amounts of trauma, would be extreme difficult to cope with. Most likely, these zombies would be infesting the "prime real-estate" where they formerly lived, forcing the surviving humans out into the "wilderness" where life will be even more difficult. The plains, pastures, and farm lands that humans have sought, cleared and planted will now be the swarming grounds of this now "super predator".
Depending on the type of zombie, human beings will be unable to hold up in fortresses forever. Fresh water will be scarce. Fresh water that is safe to access will be even more so. Human beings will not only have to contend with the zombies, but with each other as well. Without the ability to grow food, humans will be forced to keep groups small and force them to protect the few sources of food that they have regular access. Without growth in numbers... western society will devolve. All of our great advances will be lost. Zombies win, we lose.
20th century Marxism is not progress...
there are billions of them (reasons), all under 4 feet tall. the innocents will be protected. down to the wire now.
meanwhile (while we still have a while); the corepirate nazi illuminati is always hunting that patch of red on almost everyones' neck. if they cannot find yours (greed, fear ego etc...) then you can go starve. that's their (slippery/slimy) 'platform' now. see also: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antisocial_personality_disorder
never a better time to consult with/trust in our creators. the lights are coming up rapidly all over now. see you there?
greed, fear & ego (in any order) are unprecedented evile's primary weapons. those, along with deception & coercion, helps most of us remain (unwittingly?) dependent on its' life0cidal hired goons' agenda. most of our dwindling resources are being squandered on the 'wars', & continuation of the billionerrors stock markup FraUD/pyramid schemes. nobody ever mentions the real long term costs of those debacles in both life & any notion of prosperity for us, or our children. not to mention the abuse of the consciences of those of us who still have one, & the terminal damage to our atmosphere (see also: manufactured 'weather', hot etc...). see you on the other side of it? the lights are coming up all over now. the fairytail is winding down now. let your conscience be your guide. you can be more helpful than you might have imagined. we now have some choices. meanwhile; don't forget to get a little more oxygen on your brain, & look up in the sky from time to time, starting early in the day. there's lots going on up there.
"The current rate of extinction is around 10 to 100 times the usual background level, and has been elevated above the background level since the Pleistocene. The current extinction rate is more rapid than in any other extinction event in earth history, and 50% of species could be extinct by the end of this century. While the role of humans is unclear in the longer-term extinction pattern, it is clear that factors such as deforestation, habitat destruction, hunting, the introduction of non-native species, pollution and climate change have reduced biodiversity profoundly.' (wiki)
"I think the bottom line is, what kind of a world do you want to leave for your children," Andrew Smith, a professor in the Arizona State University School of Life Sciences, said in a telephone interview. "How impoverished we would be if we lost 25 percent of the world's mammals," said Smith, one of more than 100 co-authors of the report. "Within our lifetime hundreds of species could be lost as a result of our own actions, a frightening sign of what is happening to the ecosystems where they live," added Julia Marton-Lefevre, IUCN director general. "We must now set clear targets for the future to reverse this trend to ensure that our enduring legacy is not to wipe out many of our closest relatives."--
"The wealth of the universe is for me. Every thing is explicable and practical for me .... I am defeated all the time; yet to victory I am born." --emerson
no need to confuse 'religion' with being a spiritual being. our soul purpose here is to care for one another. failing that, we're simply passing through (excess baggage) being distracted/consumed by the guaranteed to fail illusionary trappings of man'kind'. & recently (about 10,000 years ago) it was determined that hoarding & excess by a few, resulted in negative consequences for all.
consult with/trust in your creators. providing more than enough of everything for everyone (without any distracting/spiritdead personal gain motives), whilst badtolling unprecedented evile, using an unlimited supply of newclear power, since/until forever. see you there?
"If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land." )one does not need to agree whois in charge to grasp the notion that there may be some assistance available to us(
boeing, boeing, gone.
I especially like the point about the sheer number of armed individuals. Makes me think the only semi-viable zombie outbreak scenario is something like Highschool of The Dead, where an outbreak occurs in urban Japan.
But even in Japan, I don't imagine an outbreak would last very long.
I doubt the zombies have much to worry about from the Japanese police though, they've already had an aversion to using their guns ingrained in them through training. Add to that the stress and sheer 'omgwtfbbq'-ness of the situation, and I think it'd be more likely to see many of them either completely freaking out, or making an ultimately futile effort to use batons and riot shields against the zombies. And even the ones that actually use their firearms against the zombies will quickly go through all the ammunition they have access to and be screwed.
I imagine the JGSDF would fare a lot better, even with the psychological factors. The question is, how badly outnumbered would they be by the time someone thinks to officially mobilize them?
But hey, if all else fails, the US military presence in Japan could probably take care of it themselves. I wonder what kind of legal and bureaucratic messes would be involved in mobilizing the US military for actual combat operations on Japanese soil, even in an emergency...
Friend: "The NIC is misconfigured..." Me: "No prob, I'll just telnet in and fix it." *Silence*
This smells like another Umbrella cover up to me!
Imagine, people infected with something which diverts their basic instincts, millions more parasites start growing in their flesh and they protect them as an otherwise sentient free humans with all the zeal and ferocity that someone will protect their children.
I had to read this a few times before I figured out that you *weren't* talking about sex drive and childmaking.
You want zombies, you should check out your local dive bar around closing time.
No offense, but I've stopped responding to AC's.
we will kick their arses for the lord!!!
But the viability of a zombie apocalypse depends upon the rules the story has in place. Romero zombies are animated by an unknown cause and are purely supernatural with no explanation given. The modern take is to try and explain it away with a virus or something but trying to explain things invites debunking. There's no way for a zombie to work. Leave the mechanism unexplained or even better show scientists explaining why the zombies simply cannot exist while still looking at the inexplicable walking dead, that's some good horror right there. No, the world is not operating the way you thought it should and no, it's not stopping to offer an explanation.
The argument goes back and forth as to whether a zombie outbreak could be contained or is the end of the world. Is it all unburied dead who reanimate or just the people who have had direct contact with a zombie, a bite or scratch? That really changes the game. Given a general societal collapse, the post-apocalyptic scenario is difficult enough without the need of introducing zombies. Zombies just make it all the worse. Just imagine a Captain Tripps pandemic.
There's any number of interesting stories that can be told ranging from isolated outbreaks to the end of the world and everything in between. The most interesting stories will be in scenarios that haven't been explored as frequently.
Kwisatz Haderach
Sell the spice to CHOAM
This Mahdi took Shaddam's Throne
There was some research released a few months ago that showed if you're escaping from a predator that behaves in a random walk type way (i.e. a zombie) then you're safest bet is a maze like environment. So if the $*&T does hit the fan, head to the mall, not some huge barn.
7# They have too many natural predators
Because having zombie bears around REALLY helps things along. Oh wait, ALL the animals are NOT affected? You see, this article starts of bad RIGHT here, it assumes the zombie apocalypse starts with ONE. It rarely does in the fantasy stories I know off. It is usually either the dead rising or living humans being converted by some event. The zombies don't come as one, they come as many. And the dogs? Either they are zombies too OR afraid of this predator that is NOT afraid of them and dares to take them on. And no, rotting human beings are NOT easy food for all predators, cats tend to stay away from rotten diseased meat. It is generally assumed that the consumption of zombie meat is not a healthy thing to do, even turning you into a zombie yourself. So now we got zombie bears, zombie maggots and zombie vultures. Does this increase our odds of survival?
6# They can't take the heat
Dead meat doesn't walk around (unless you leave it out REALLY long). Zombies do. So it stands to reason that whatever a zombie might be, it isn't actually dead meat anymore. SOMETHING is going on that turns them into the UNDEAD, not the actual dead. If zombies were REALLY fully dead then they would be even worse because they would be even harder to stop. How do you kill a steak? Skeletons are harder enemies in D&D precisly for this reason. Assuming that zombies will start to rot is trying to make the zombie apocalypse fit in our understanding of the natural world. But zombies don't exist in our understanding of the natural world. So either you have zombies and they can somehow escape the normal rules, or they simply don't exist. Either there is a hord of them, or not a single one. And the hord does NOT simply explode in the sun. That would make a lousy movie.
5# They can't handle the cold
Same deal. Either zombies work, or they don't. Zombies are NOT the dead, they are the UNDEAD. Big difference. Dead people don't move around a lot. Zombies do. So they can't be the same thing. The article is basically saying that "trucks drive on petrol, and if they run out they can't move. Ergo robots, which are not trucks stop when you empty their gas tank" Who says robots have gas tanks? And anyway, neither can we. Remember the breakdown of civilization thing? Bye bye central heating.
The bit about freezer burned meat is just plain silly. The dead don't WALK. If they start walking then SOMETHING has changed! Really, this is like saying "Ooh look gravity has reversed, but not to worry, we won't float of into space because gravity has always kept us down." The article is argueing against the logic of a SINGLE zombie being able to exist. NOT against the zombie apocalypse itself. The zombie apocalypse takes it for granted that zombies CAN exist, it doesn't matter how. Either no zombie can exist, or any can and not suffer from the usual defects of being dead.
#5 Biting is a terrible way to spread a disease.
Tell that to the mosquito. And who got vampires mixed up in all this? Zombies are the undead rising OR some other event causing the living to turn into zombies (note TURN into ZOMBIES, not kill. Zombies ain't dead, they are zombies (at best they are undead)). I keep hammering on this because the article just doesn't seem to be able to get a hang of the idea. The biting part, is just a means to add extra horror to the story. The idea that just escaping the original event is not enough and that those with who you have survived might be turned at any moment. It is NOT a way for the disease to spread, it is a plot element to cause further horror.
Zombiesm is NOT a social disease for crying out loud. Learn to seperate the apocalypse from the sniffles for crying out loud. There is a REASON the movie only joins the few survivors AFTER society has collapsed and that is because the zombie apocalypse will come with a bang, world wide, all at once. Not by some diseased foreigner going around biting people. And even if it did. That is
MMO Quests are like orgasms:
You may solo them, I prefer them in a group.
...we call them Senators.
I would expect that the battering and deep-frying in hot oil procedure is fairly effective at killing off germs... including the ones that cause zombiefication. That just leaves sushi as a problem. And one would hope that the sushi chef would recognize and discard any zombified sashimi, after all.
Imagine all the people...
Large groups of pathetic unthinking masses trying to kill all non-them. At the accelerations of stupidity coming into conservative America via. Fox news using false analogies, I would say arm yourself hard right now, because in about 1-2 years, they will have degraded into manic destructive psychotic mobs. Hell, they are already bringing guns to protests and protesting several parts of the constitution. I have been attacked for being an atheist, despite all the good things I have done for my society, by people who find nothing wrong with cheating, stealing, lying, or hating. Give it a couple months. Although living zombies only take dismemberment before dying. undead zombies on the otherhand would most certainly be devoured by vultures (just look at the vultures following armies in the civil war, due to the high amount of death and long time fighting).
Where is the mod rating for "scary"? Also,
zombies represent the unthinking masses . Our society is already based on their behaviour . However in reality they are called consumers .
Deleted
Seriously, /. is featuring posts linking to cracked.com on its frontpage? How low the world has sunk.
Grills glinting in the sunlight as they shuffle towards you.
No sig today...
The interest in zombies derives from the zombification effect that religiously applied eugenics has on the human genome. Religions have been doing eugenics on their adherents for 10,000 years, breeding them into willing slaves to the administration. After all this time, and especially now, with the support the godless religion of political correctness has for letting religions continue doing eugenics (they do it too), the human genome has been reduced to a length which indicates we are not viable enough to escape extinction. It's not brains that zombies need, it's genes.
Tasmanian devils would disagree that biting is a terrible way to spread a disease.
You want scientific? Ok, here you go: http://www.mathstat.uottawa.ca/~rsmith/Zombies.pdf It is a mathematical model of how the zombies will spread.
It is not as optimistic as cracked.com I am afraid.
"he, who has quotes in his signature, is a douche" - unknown.
Zombies have always been, and always will, be with us because of 1) Organized Religion, 2) Trade Unions, 3) Nation States, and 4) Marxist Collectivism. Only enlightened anarchy can spare us.
Scruting the inscrutable for over 50 years.
Actually, while humanity had a ton of imagination when it comes to fearing death, nothing even came close to the modern idea of vampire.
What Europe believed in is better described as "revenants", or what we nowadays think of as "zombies." They weren't supposed to be some clever and scheming count, but mindless bloated corpses of some peasants.
Oh, and generally they'd transmit disease generally by just being there not by bit. Remember it was an era where even an educated medicus knew that diseases are transmitted by smells (no, really, the miasma theory of disease) and everyone else knew that corpses cause disease. A corpse walking around was a health hazard by itself.
And just to drive the "zombie" aspect home, most of these were supposed to be literally brain dead. E.g., the ones from an outbreak in Venice could be prevented from biting anything ever again by just shoving a brick in the corpse's mouth. Your average Dracula or White Wolf kinda vampire would be sentient enough to basically go "oh, i have a brick in my mouth" and spit it out. Heck, even the dumbest animal would. But the version those people believed in would be forever thwarted by that brick because they weren't even able to figure that out.
Other forms of thwarting an undead included the equivalent of the frat prank of tying someone's shoelaces together, except it was more like tying the ends a piece of string to the big toe on each foot. Yep, that would thwart them.
Even when myths gave them a couple of neurons still working, then they'd be riddled with a crippling OCD, so they'd irresistably stop and count the grains in a pile of rice or whatever.
Basically they're not quite the smart and scheming baron kind, nor the kind who'd blend in and maintain a Masquerade. They were mindless rotting corpses.
The modern idea of a Vampire was pretty much used invented by Polidori in "The Vampyre", sort of reused in "Carmilla" (where it got some sexual part added too), but only really became mass known via "Dracula". It's really not about any single "ancient" myth, but a mix of several of those. Including a lot of the witchcraft beliefs, incubus beliefs, and various assorted other bits and ends. And yes, some stuff taken from fairies too.
Basically what Polidori, Le Fanu and Stoker did there was already inventing a new kind of vampire and romanticizing it to appeal to their target audience. That was it, really. And each of them felt free to add a few personal touches and mix some even more unrelated mythical monsters to the definition of a Vampire, to make it even more mass-appeal. Which is basically why you've heard of Dracula over and over again, but most people never even heard of Carmilla or The Vampyre.
Complaining that someone else did the same thing is a bit silly. Yes, Twilight included some stuff from an unrelated mythical beastie. What, unlike Stoker, Anne Rice, White Wolf and everyone else... who added bits from unrelated mythical beasties too?
A polar bear is a cartesian bear after a coordinate transform.
by http://www.mathstat.uottawa.ca/~rsmith/Zombies.pdf
insecurity asks the wrong question irritation gives the wrong answer
Heya Tom it's Bob, from the office down the hall,
Good to see you buddy how ya been?
Things have been OK with me except that I'm a zombie now
I really wish you'd let us in....
The *awesome* Jonathan Coulton made a song called "Re: Your Brains". Find it on YouTube, it's great :)
Oolite: Elite-like game. For Mac, Linux and Windows
The "7 scientific reasons a zombie outbreak would fail" is a pretty fun read.
I however believe, given the right circumstances, that a zombie outbreak would succeed. In that spirit of the same fun, here is my rebuttal to those points.
#7. They Have Too Many Natural Predators
Humans are too smart and well armed to be at risk. Maggots will infest zombies, eating out their eyes making them useless.
Reply:
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, as Einstein said. Fear is a primal emotion that we have forgotten how to control with out placid controlled lives. A horrific event like an outbreak would shock many into stupidity, and given guns, would even kill other humans by mistake. So much for being well-armed.
Zombies do rot, they are short-term animals, but don't underestimate their other senses heightening to compensate.
#6/5. They Can't Take the Heat / Cold
Heat promotes bacterial growth in the dead's gut, causing them to bloat and explode
Reply:
No problem here, it's pretty much a given as zombies digestive systems become dead, their gut fills with any meat they can tear from anything that moves, until they burst open. That won't stop them from eating more though. This comes from their brains being shut down, except for the primal need to feed.
I see them freezing, this is a good advantage for the living.
#4. Biting is a Terrible Way to Spread a Disease
Nobody is going to be having sex with a zombie.
Reply:
I wouldn't say nobody... OK back on topic. In medicine, viruses and bacteria can all spread via any of the following means:
* droplet contact (coughing or sneezing)
* direct (bodily fluids)
* indirect (touching soil contamination or a contaminated surface)
* airborne, fecal-oral transmission (contaminated food or water)
* vector borne (via insects or animals)
Biting is not the only means, and we should not discount any of the others just because Hollywood says so, or they didn't focus on those aspects. In reality, any of those transmission vectors are possible.
#3. They Can't Heal from Day to Day Damage
Claims zombies are clumsy, and accumulated damage will be their end.
Reply:
Zombies are not long-term creatures by any means. They rot, they don't heal, they just want to feed. That's why they are horrific and, well... zombies. But since they don't feel pain (from their broken CNS) they just keep on coming, or die trying. They can't be scared off.
#2. The Landscape is Full of Zombie-Proof Barriers
Reply:
Naturally outbreaks will be focused in populated cities, I don't see how a picture of a mountain applies here. Zombies will undoubtedly walk off ledges and fall down stairs, but they are also mindless beasts who will behave unpredictably. Remember that we can't just assume the outbreak will be contained to the streets either, if the undead were shambling in a corporate head office (like they do sometimes), then the living are at risk in a enclosed space. Boundaries work both ways.
#1. Weapons and the People Who Use Them
Claims the total gun owners, private and governmental, is enough to blow an outbreak to hell and back.
Reply:
This is one thing we have going for us, but we have to get the outbreak under control before things get too fucked, ie people panic and start killing the 'wrong ones'. Considering "if Homo sapiens are good at one thing, it's killing other things", remember how we learned that fact in the first place. I recommend a melee skill, in case your gun jams, you run out of ammo, or you just feel like taking a steel pipe to that mushy skull and paint the wall with brains. Gaaaaargh!
Links:
original article: http://www.cracked.com/article_18683_7-scientific-r
Right. So:
Note to self: order bulk ammo online
...welcome our new zombie overlords!
My office's Web Sense blocked the site as being "Tasteless". Obviously our IT dept. has never had grilled zombie. It's pretty damn tasty with the right marinade. But be sure to cook it above 160 or you'll turn into a zombie.
But here's my Z-day scenario:
The virus is first spread by touch and at first is little worse than a flu. This would allow it to get through WHO and CDC. Several generations later the virus mutates rapidly causing death and eventually, zombification. By then much of the population is infected before the first death.
The other option is alien biological weapon. They sprinkle spores through the upper atmo that descend and get the party started.
i can has Left 4 Dead movie or TV series? i vote for Evangeline Lilly as Zoe.
Utilizing the synergization of benchmark e-solutions to pre-workaround action items!
Finally!!! A news article I can slip in a promo for the zero budget, comedy/horror film I've been working on over the last year. It is called "The Amateur Monster Movie" and was shot in and around Milwaukee Wisconsin. You can view our trailer on Youtube via the link below. Let me know what you guys think.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3aZquMQhAmo
World War Z presented a very plausible "what-if" scenario for a zombie apocalypse. In the book the outbreak started in the worst possible location, China. There the infection spread quickly due to large population density. Thanks to them clamping down on communication channels and clever use of misdirection/misinformation the world didn't fully realize the zombie threat until it was gnawing on their front door and it was too late.
The book further makes the point that a zombie is a dumb and practically harmless if encountered alone or in small numbers. What caused the most damage was when the world panicked and basically made themselves zombie food.
Actually, here's a fun bit: after WW2 Japan apparently decided they renounce war and they'll never again have an Army.
By now someone will probably want to intervene, "wait, you dumbass, what about the Japanese Self-Defense Forces?" Yeah, that's actually the fun part. Those evolved as an departments of the police, rather than as an army.
So, yeah, don't mess with the Japanese police. It's the only police force with aircraft carriers, submarines, tanks, and fighter-bomber planes :p
If a horde of zombies decides to mess with the Japanese police, they might have a nasty surprise :p
A polar bear is a cartesian bear after a coordinate transform.
Wow, to me it looked like the writer of this article had a conclusion, and made up a bunch of crap to try to support it. It assumes that zombies are just dead meat walking around, susceptible to maggots, bacteria, ect, except for the fact that oh..... their walking around!? Some process must be keeping them active, this article completely ignores that fact. It seems to completely ignore humans as a pathogen vector, peoples instinct to "stay alive" can sometimes overpower any reason. Zombies don't have to get from place to place, In the panic to escape infected areas people WILL be bitten, some will logically choose to isolate/terminate themselves, but many will hide their infection and eventually turn, causing outbreaks even in isolated areas which have insufficient prevention methods. Weapons are only as effective as the bullets fired from them, most people don't keep the thousands of rounds necessary to withstand a zombie outbreak. The military does, but against so many targets they would definitely have a difficult time containing the infection, as the infection spread they would also likely be pulled back to protect politicians/strategic areas, leaving the rest of the public to fend for themselves. I imagine a real world zombie outbreak as being caused by a virus/bacteria/parasite which infects its hosts cells and feeds on the waste products of those cells, secreting something that allows those cells to function (possibly as simple as an oxidizer the cells can use) in at least a limited fashion even in the event of complete circulatory collapse, along with something akin to adrenalin and a neurotoxin that degrades higher brain functions during the initial infection. It would have to have a relatively short incubation period, 8 - 36 hours from bite to zombie. Humans would be the primary "carrier", an area would become "overrun" by zombies, bitten but not yet turned individuals would flee from these areas, they would then turn and infect the location to which they had fled, rinse and repeat. Of course the real question is, could such a "pathogen" ever exist, who knows. There are some similar examples, molds and parasites effecting ants and other insects, but nothing to my knowledge in higher mammals. All it would take though would be for a pathogen to develop these or similar chararistics, infect a human in a semi-populated area, and that would be it, initial disbelief would probably allow it to spread beyond the capabilities to contain it.
Wrote a song about it. Like to hear it? Here it Goes:
Zombie Love Song (If anyone eats my brains)
http://www.reverbnation.com/tunepak/2759032
It's your basic boy is about to marry girl, she dies in a tragic car accident, but is brought back to him by the zobiepocalypse type thing.
This is a live recording - I have a better one in the works complete w. zombie chorus.
MSRP - Tax, Title & Licence Extra Your Milage May Vary
I'm pretty sure your first #6 response is totally lacking in reality. I can pretty much guarantee that if you suck all the moisture (aka H2O) of a zombie you'll turn it into a pile of ash-like chemicals. Of course that's the hard part, extracting all of the moisture. Even a flamethrower is unlikely to remove the moisture from the bones. Then you'll be left with one really pissed off skeleton zombie!
You know; the whole
Republicans in the Whitehouse = Uptick in Zombie film popularity.
Democrats = Vampire popularity.
Well, I think that's changed now, because American politics have changed. That is; there are no American politics anymore. We all know it's a sham and people are subconsciously trying to deal with the creeping feeling that at any moment the whole of society will go all shotguns and can-openers.
The zombies which worry me are the ones who currently wear badges. The G20 in Toronto showed that we can't count on our own police to act like sane members of society, but rather will quite willingly attack their own people. (Though, it certainly helps when you bring in police from distant areas who have a vague hate-on for the city they will be swinging truncheons in.)
Unfortunately, when you step out of the subconscious realm and try to problem solve for the same psychological stress points in the upper reaches of your consciousness, then you come to the truly horrific awareness; The zombies have guns and tear gas.
-FL
I was a zombie for a while some years ago. I got really tired of the putrid life and decided that zombie life was not my thing.
Now I don't work for the bank system anymore.
The problem with most of these points is that they assume that zombies follow the normal rules of biology.
News flash: if zombies followed the rules of biology, THEY WOULDN'T BE WALKING AROUND BITING PEOPLE.
... or, "Watch out, the zombie vultures are attacking!"
"MIT betrayed all of its basic principles."
You may also wish to read these articles:
http://www.archaeology.org/online/features/hierakonpolis/zombies.html
http://www.archaeology.org/online/interviews/zombies/
~REZ~ #43301. Who'd fake being me anyway?
I prefer that my lovers are dead. It makes it easier for consent.
BRRRREEEEAAAAASSSTSSS....
haven't you ever been on the internet?
The MAFIAA is a bunch of mindless jerks who will be the first up against the wall when the revolution comes
Check out the Norwegian movie "Dead Snow". The Nazi zombies in the movie are not only fast, but they can use weapons, follow orders from a zombie officer, etc.
Don't worry. There's a rule 34 for zombies.
until they take neuroleptics
thank God the internet isn't a human right.
"And, it's made entirely out of food. It's easy prey for any animal that wants it." .. thereby infecting that animal and so on and so on. eventually there will be so many zombies that they will outnumber "us".
and then we die.
Privacy is terrorism.