Just because she says she never saw a computer crash doesn't mean she's lying. A more apprpriate question is "Have you ever seen a computer, then?" Why, just this coming Monday, John Titor and I went back to Victorian England for some ancient sight-seeing. I asked this pretty young lady exactly the same question...
Me: Have you ever seen a computer crash?
Her: [pause] No.
Me: Have you heard of any derailed mag-lev trains in your life?
Her: Never.
Me: Is my friend's TMS-600 hot plasma cannon capabable of penetrating your fuzzy-logic-selective personal EM force-shield?
Her: Sir! I am insulted! Absolutely not! *slap*
With that, I have concluded that old Victorian England had amazingly reliable computers that never crashed, mag-lev trains that haven't seen a single fatality for at least twenty years, and personal defense technology is so advanced that it can defeat even anti-armor weaponry. I don't know how the human race has fallen so far in the last hundred years or so, but John has assured me that we won't have to worry about that in 34 years.
So yes, I can see how the office mentioned in the article has never had a computer crash.
There's an error in the article text. When they said, "400K at launch", they really meant, "$400,000 at launch", which is not surprising, given the rate the price keeps astronomically rising with every Sony PR release. However, if you decide you really need more bells and whistles, they will release the uber-luxury model for $800,000 more by the end of '06. Remember, the PS3 is not meant to be a "console" - it's a snob^W "Status Symbol".
Buying a house can wait. I'm getting a loan to put a downpayment on a PS3 right now.
I thought it was a joke, but for a different reason.
I thought the title read "PSP Hard Disk System Warns of Tsunamis". Boy, Sony is sure pushing the envelope on hyping the Playstation Portable! Imagine how many more disasters the PS3 could avert! Too bad they're only making a million in their first run.
Even if you could stand the cockroaches, dirty bathrooms, and broken air conditioner? Even if homeless people defecated on employees' cars on a regular basis? Even if a couple of people in your office died every year due to fatal random shootings? You are a better man/woman than I. I'm adding you as a Fan.
> We all wanted to invite her out with us after work, not because we were > trying to score with her, but because we wanted her to be part of the team.
I guess you've never observed the basics of human sexuality. That's okay we're all geeks.
Asking someone out *alone* may be construed as sexual harrassment in some scenarios, but asking someone to join a larger, mixed group is not. Thus, lunch is okay with a large group of mixed coworkers. Lunch, one-on-one, is not. The only exception to this rule is my last company where our entire IT department would go to Gentlemen's Clubs on Fridays for lunch. During a lapdance, our boss said, "Just a heads-up, guys: the day we finally hire a girl in this department, this is gonna stop!"
I take it the other direction: I dress much nicer than my job requires, or even expects, of me. (I wear $300 worth of clothes every day while all my fellow department coworkers wear jeans and t-shirts.) When asked about my clothes, I reply that we're in the heart of Westwood, and there are too many pretty girls walking around downstairs to not dress nicely. A lot of women in my office have indignantly responded, "What about the women upstairs?!?" (referring to our main lobby level.) My answer is always, "I don't date within the company" These coworkers see me sometimes shamelessly flirting with random strangers outside our building, so I've established that I'm one continuously horny rabbit, but I leave it outside the company. I believe that, in this regard, one can express he is a sexual being without putting himself in a potentially compromising situation with his coworkers.
Bandwidth-wise, if nine women had nine months to each generate a baby, then you can say each woman will have created one baby in one month. The Latency simply was nine months. The Throughput is the twelve hours of labor it took to push the brat out.
Consider the ramifications from a Network Admin's point of view. If you could completely eliminate the latency, then you could push a baby out twice a day. You could make millions off of welfare alone! However, the lowest latency I've ever seen, was that big-bellied chick I took home to get it on with, and she gave birth the very next day. It was only 24 hours between doing her and making my first child support payment.
I'm trying to apply these findings down at our data center, but all I have to show for it is some slippery floors and some unusual-tasting coffee. My boss must have taken an interest in the concept, because I often see him and his secretary attempting a similar effort after hours.
Back when I use to watch TV, they put "Crossing Over With John Edward" on the schedule. While it turned my stomach to watch that dreck, I realized the programming producers were making a thinly veiled statement placing it on the Sci[ence]Fi[ction] channel.
Probably not as fast as this guy. Looking at pictures of the kayak, I see no boosters, no solid-fuel turbine-... hell, I don't even see a place to mount the jet engine (which can be gotten off Ebay for $75, so don't say it's inaccessible).
The current water speed record is over 317 MPH (511 KPH). The pilot's compartment seems to have no protection against the elements. Sprays of water hitting your face that fast is like trying to face down a sandblaster - it'll even chip away at your skull pretty quickly.
The whole phenomenon of trying to break any water speed has the highest mortality rate of any recreational activity in this country: one in eight people die. Or so we assume, even though their bodies are so broken up that no one ever finds any pieces of them afterwards.
I wish this guy luck and hope he keeps the title of World's Fastest Kayak. I could never paddle that fast.
Years ago, I had an actor friend, John, who happened to be a Native American. We were having lunch one day when he said: "Howie, things are OK with me now. But when I first came out here back in the '40s, I couldn't get a job. I went over to Republic studios. They were doing hundreds of westerns then. I figured I'm a cinch to get an Indian part.
"Sorry," the casting director tells me. "You don't look Indian enough."
"I don't look Indian enough? I happen to be a full-blooded Sioux!"
"So what? You still don't look Indian enough."
"So if I don't look Indian enough, who does?"
"Italians."
"What?"
"You heard me. We only use Italians for Indian parts. They look more Indian than the Indians."
"Well, if Italians are doing Indian parts, maybe I could play an Italian."
"No, we use other people for the Italian parts."
"Who?"
"Jews. They play all Italian gangsters. Paul Muni, Edward G. Robinson, John Garfield. All Jewish."
John told the guy he didn't understand.
"Look," the Republic guy said, "Jews look more Italian than Italians. I was in Rome last summer. I didn't see one Italian who looked how an Italian is supposed to look. They had blond hair, fair skin, high cheekbones."
John said, "Howie, I asked the guy, 'If Italians play Indians and Jews play Italians, then who plays Jews?' He said, 'WASPs. Who played David? Gregory Peck. Who played Charlton Heston's mother in "Ben-Hur"? Martha Scott.'"
John pounded the guy's desk and told him: "OK, Italians play Indians, Jews play Italians, WASPs play Jews. Let me play an Oriental. After all, Indians came over from Asia."
He said the guy apologized. "White guys play Orientals. Who played Charlie Chan? Warner Oland. Who played Mr. Moto? Peter Lorre. Who played Chinese dames for years? Myrna Loy."
Johnny seemed exhausted. The waiter came with the check. I paid. It was the least I could do. I asked him how he managed to stay in the business.
"I got the idea that if Italians are grabbing all the Indian parts, I would become Italian. I changed my name from John to Giovanni. I learned to think like them, dress like them, walk like them. I was ready. I went up for a part in the movie 'Little Big Man,' starring Dustin Hoffman.
"The casting guy asked me my name. I told him I was Giovanni and could play any Indian part he had. The guy gets up from his chair. 'I'm sorry,' he says. 'Things have changed. We only use authentic Native Americans today . . . people like Iron Eyes Cody, Graham Greene, Chief Dan George. Now if you were a genuine Indian, I'd hire you on the spot.'"
John said he couldn't take it. "I screamed at the guy, 'But I'm a full-blooded Sioux. I am an authentic Indian. I am the realest Indian you'll ever find.'"
He said the casting guy laughed in his face. "You actors," he said. "You'll say anything to get a part."
> but I somehow doubt that a guy in tights with a rainbow colored apple > on his chest is going to stop any criminals in their tracks...until those same criminals realize his main power is spontaneously generating ungodly amounts of heat in any object in a very short amount of time. You'd think twice about trying to pull a gun on a superhero who just caused your buddy's teeth to explode in his head without so much as blinking. Oh, you might try to run, but I think one of his other powers is immobolizing you on a platform, making it impossible for you to migrate anywhere else. Criminals are dragged off to jail where they sit until they Switch or Think Different.
I've heard, however, that Macman is vulnerable to flying chairs, and that you can force him to revert to mortal form (a la Shazam back to Billy Batson) by shouting "Developers!" over and over. In fact, this was how he was defeated back in issue #382 by his arch nemesis performing both actions silmutaneously. Macman only barely fended off the storm of flying chairs by counteracting it with a storm of flying toasters and then wounding his arch-enemy with his very last HyperCard.
Then you'll have to do something in between. Might I recommend a combination blockbuster game and accounting package?
I'll call it QuakeBooks III Team Accounting. From the back of the box: The deadlines of the alien accountant Xaero are narrowing, impassively double-entry booking as transactions transform high-ranking clientele into spineless bankruptcy, but the seedy stench of Accounts Receivables isn't enough to cloud your judgement: abandoning every ounce of common sense and any trace of doubt, you lunge onto a stage of delinquent bills and erroneously invoiced line items. Your new credit line rejects you with raw estimates and expense line receipts as legions of collectors audit you, testing the final notice that brought you here in the first place. Your subtotal is unknown. Your only company, a mantra: Reconcile your quarterly balance or be finished.
So, um, are you supposed to be some rock band guitarist standing up in the driver's seat with one foot on the wheel winding through dark twisty urban alleys at 3-digit speeds while rabid fans unexpectedly launch themselves at you while you have to fend them off with cool guitar riffs, and yet, still be able to finish the race while your competitors are doing the same? If there's anything that turns my stomach worse than a game like this, it would be... a *movie* based on a game like this! I'm calling Uwe Boll right this instant!
Just remember, you can't hold your guitar and your flashlight at the same time, never mind the steering wheel.
Stem Cells Cure Paralyzed Rats A potential cure for the degenerative disease known as "Stem Cells" was found to cause paralysis in rats, a recent Tobacco Industry study showed. "All test rodents suffered from Stem Cells since birth," a researcher commented, "but upon administering the cure, most of the subjects, particularly the rats, became paralyzed." The potential Stem Cells Cure was in the process of being approved. FDA officials declined to comment. "This is not a complete dead end," notes Pharmaceutical CEO John Doe. "We are not yet certain this potential cure causes paralysis in humans also." Doe added that penicillin is 100% fatal to guinea pigs, despite the unquestionable value it has for humans. "If the FDA were around a hundred years earlier, penicillin would have never been approved." Meanwhile, PETA demonstrators are rallying at the offices of Megacorp Co., the company that conducted these experiments. "What these so-called scientists have done to these once-functional rats is reprehensible!" decries Wanda Bea Anne Activist. "These researchers should be testing on humans first!" PETA intends to conclude the protest by volunteering their own members for testing the Stem Cells Cure.
> "Jews did 911" turns up almost 900,000 easily...may be more meaningful than you think. Everytime I see a car accident in downtown L.A. involving someone Jewish*, the first thing that happens is someone dials 911 regardless of how minor the damage is.
*Okay, this also happens with any other ethnic/racial group, but I just wanted to make my point.
Slashdot Mirror
Just because she says she never saw a computer crash doesn't mean she's lying. A more apprpriate question is "Have you ever seen a computer, then?" Why, just this coming Monday, John Titor and I went back to Victorian England for some ancient sight-seeing. I asked this pretty young lady exactly the same question...
Me: Have you ever seen a computer crash?
Her: [pause] No.
Me: Have you heard of any derailed mag-lev trains in your life?
Her: Never.
Me: Is my friend's TMS-600 hot plasma cannon capabable of penetrating your fuzzy-logic-selective personal EM force-shield?
Her: Sir! I am insulted! Absolutely not! *slap*
With that, I have concluded that old Victorian England had amazingly reliable computers that never crashed, mag-lev trains that haven't seen a single fatality for at least twenty years, and personal defense technology is so advanced that it can defeat even anti-armor weaponry. I don't know how the human race has fallen so far in the last hundred years or so, but John has assured me that we won't have to worry about that in 34 years.
So yes, I can see how the office mentioned in the article has never had a computer crash.
Solomon
It's too late - what's Dunn is done. /rimshot
Solomon
There's an error in the article text. When they said, "400K at launch", they really meant, "$400,000 at launch", which is not surprising, given the rate the price keeps astronomically rising with every Sony PR release. However, if you decide you really need more bells and whistles, they will release the uber-luxury model for $800,000 more by the end of '06. Remember, the PS3 is not meant to be a "console" - it's a snob^W "Status Symbol".
Buying a house can wait. I'm getting a loan to put a downpayment on a PS3 right now.
Solomon
> will we have to call them "pr0m" disks?
Only if it's read-0nly memory. In my day, we used to have plenty of Read-Only porn... they were called magazines.
Solomon
I thought it was a joke, but for a different reason.
I thought the title read "PSP Hard Disk System Warns of Tsunamis". Boy, Sony is sure pushing the envelope on hyping the Playstation Portable! Imagine how many more disasters the PS3 could avert! Too bad they're only making a million in their first run.
Solomon
Even if you could stand the cockroaches, dirty bathrooms, and broken air conditioner? Even if homeless people defecated on employees' cars on a regular basis? Even if a couple of people in your office died every year due to fatal random shootings? You are a better man/woman than I. I'm adding you as a Fan.
> ...I hate trackpoints
> The nipple is a perfect control means
Um... trackpoint = nipple. Did you mean Trackpad?
> We all wanted to invite her out with us after work, not because we were
> trying to score with her, but because we wanted her to be part of the team.
I guess you've never observed the basics of human sexuality. That's okay we're all geeks.
Asking someone out *alone* may be construed as sexual harrassment in some scenarios, but asking someone to join a larger, mixed group is not. Thus, lunch is okay with a large group of mixed coworkers. Lunch, one-on-one, is not. The only exception to this rule is my last company where our entire IT department would go to Gentlemen's Clubs on Fridays for lunch. During a lapdance, our boss said, "Just a heads-up, guys: the day we finally hire a girl in this department, this is gonna stop!"
I take it the other direction: I dress much nicer than my job requires, or even expects, of me. (I wear $300 worth of clothes every day while all my fellow department coworkers wear jeans and t-shirts.) When asked about my clothes, I reply that we're in the heart of Westwood, and there are too many pretty girls walking around downstairs to not dress nicely. A lot of women in my office have indignantly responded, "What about the women upstairs?!?" (referring to our main lobby level.) My answer is always, "I don't date within the company" These coworkers see me sometimes shamelessly flirting with random strangers outside our building, so I've established that I'm one continuously horny rabbit, but I leave it outside the company. I believe that, in this regard, one can express he is a sexual being without putting himself in a potentially compromising situation with his coworkers.
Solomon Chang
Bandwidth-wise, if nine women had nine months to each generate a baby, then you can say each woman will have created one baby in one month.
The Latency simply was nine months.
The Throughput is the twelve hours of labor it took to push the brat out.
Consider the ramifications from a Network Admin's point of view.
If you could completely eliminate the latency, then you could push a baby out twice a day. You could make millions off of welfare alone!
However, the lowest latency I've ever seen, was that big-bellied chick I took home to get it on with, and she gave birth the very next day. It was only 24 hours between doing her and making my first child support payment.
I'm trying to apply these findings down at our data center, but all I have to show for it is some slippery floors and some unusual-tasting coffee. My boss must have taken an interest in the concept, because I often see him and his secretary attempting a similar effort after hours.
Solomon
Back when I use to watch TV, they put "Crossing Over With John Edward" on the schedule. While it turned my stomach to watch that dreck, I realized the programming producers were making a thinly veiled statement placing it on the Sci[ence]Fi[ction] channel.
> Actually it was 3.14159265 customers who spoke up.
Wow, talk about a Round Estimate...
Solomon
Probably not as fast as this guy. Looking at pictures of the kayak, I see no boosters, no solid-fuel turbine-... hell, I don't even see a place to mount the jet engine (which can be gotten off Ebay for $75, so don't say it's inaccessible).
The current water speed record is over 317 MPH (511 KPH). The pilot's compartment seems to have no protection against the elements. Sprays of water hitting your face that fast is like trying to face down a sandblaster - it'll even chip away at your skull pretty quickly.
The whole phenomenon of trying to break any water speed has the highest mortality rate of any recreational activity in this country: one in eight people die. Or so we assume, even though their bodies are so broken up that no one ever finds any pieces of them afterwards.
I wish this guy luck and hope he keeps the title of World's Fastest Kayak. I could never paddle that fast.
Solomon
It's not so much peta-bytes I'm interested, falafel-bytes. Mmmm yummy!
(unless we're talking about the other kind of peta-bytes, the ones associated with animal rights people...)
Solomon
To quote Howard Mann:t m-rules30jul23,1,3814092.story?coll=la-headlines-w est)
(stolen from http://www.latimes.com/features/magazine/west/la-
Years ago, I had an actor friend, John, who happened to be a Native American. We were having lunch one day when he said: "Howie, things are OK with me now. But when I first came out here back in the '40s, I couldn't get a job. I went over to Republic studios. They were doing hundreds of westerns then. I figured I'm a cinch to get an Indian part.
"Sorry," the casting director tells me. "You don't look Indian enough."
"I don't look Indian enough? I happen to be a full-blooded Sioux!"
"So what? You still don't look Indian enough."
"So if I don't look Indian enough, who does?"
"Italians."
"What?"
"You heard me. We only use Italians for Indian parts. They look more Indian than the Indians."
"Well, if Italians are doing Indian parts, maybe I could play an Italian."
"No, we use other people for the Italian parts."
"Who?"
"Jews. They play all Italian gangsters. Paul Muni, Edward G. Robinson, John Garfield. All Jewish."
John told the guy he didn't understand.
"Look," the Republic guy said, "Jews look more Italian than Italians. I was in Rome last summer. I didn't see one Italian who looked how an Italian is supposed to look. They had blond hair, fair skin, high cheekbones."
John said, "Howie, I asked the guy, 'If Italians play Indians and Jews play Italians, then who plays Jews?' He said, 'WASPs. Who played David? Gregory Peck. Who played Charlton Heston's mother in "Ben-Hur"? Martha Scott.'"
John pounded the guy's desk and told him: "OK, Italians play Indians, Jews play Italians, WASPs play Jews. Let me play an Oriental. After all, Indians came over from Asia."
He said the guy apologized. "White guys play Orientals. Who played Charlie Chan? Warner Oland. Who played Mr. Moto? Peter Lorre. Who played Chinese dames for years? Myrna Loy."
Johnny seemed exhausted. The waiter came with the check. I paid. It was the least I could do. I asked him how he managed to stay in the business.
"I got the idea that if Italians are grabbing all the Indian parts, I would become Italian. I changed my name from John to Giovanni. I learned to think like them, dress like them, walk like them. I was ready. I went up for a part in the movie 'Little Big Man,' starring Dustin Hoffman.
"The casting guy asked me my name. I told him I was Giovanni and could play any Indian part he had. The guy gets up from his chair. 'I'm sorry,' he says. 'Things have changed. We only use authentic Native Americans today . . . people like Iron Eyes Cody, Graham Greene, Chief Dan George. Now if you were a genuine Indian, I'd hire you on the spot.'"
John said he couldn't take it. "I screamed at the guy, 'But I'm a full-blooded Sioux. I am an authentic Indian. I am the realest Indian you'll ever find.'"
He said the casting guy laughed in his face. "You actors," he said. "You'll say anything to get a part."
Solomon Chang
An oxymoron.
Solomon Chang
Adding power-ups and maybe even a boss would be a good start.
Solomon
It was more exciting than that, when I skimmed it the first time and thought it read, "Robotic Anna Kournikova".
I was going to run out and buy one to, ah, um, improve my tennis game.
Solomon
Thanks, now I know who's going to try to sue me when I release my rendition of the song:
Conformers
Campaigns full of lies.
Democrats wage their battle to destroy the evil forces of
The Republicans.
Solomon Chang
> but I somehow doubt that a guy in tights with a rainbow colored apple ...until those same criminals realize his main power is spontaneously generating ungodly amounts of heat in any object in a very short amount of time. You'd think twice about trying to pull a gun on a superhero who just caused your buddy's teeth to explode in his head without so much as blinking. Oh, you might try to run, but I think one of his other powers is immobolizing you on a platform, making it impossible for you to migrate anywhere else. Criminals are dragged off to jail where they sit until they Switch or Think Different.
> on his chest is going to stop any criminals in their tracks
I've heard, however, that Macman is vulnerable to flying chairs, and that you can force him to revert to mortal form (a la Shazam back to Billy Batson) by shouting "Developers!" over and over. In fact, this was how he was defeated back in issue #382 by his arch nemesis performing both actions silmutaneously. Macman only barely fended off the storm of flying chairs by counteracting it with a storm of flying toasters and then wounding his arch-enemy with his very last HyperCard.
Solomon Chang
Then you'll have to do something in between. Might I recommend a combination blockbuster game and accounting package?
I'll call it QuakeBooks III Team Accounting. From the back of the box:
The deadlines of the alien accountant Xaero are narrowing, impassively double-entry booking as transactions transform high-ranking clientele into spineless bankruptcy, but the seedy stench of Accounts Receivables isn't enough to cloud your judgement: abandoning every ounce of common sense and any trace of doubt, you lunge onto a stage of delinquent bills and erroneously invoiced line items. Your new credit line rejects you with raw estimates and expense line receipts as legions of collectors audit you, testing the final notice that brought you here in the first place. Your subtotal is unknown. Your only company, a mantra: Reconcile your quarterly balance or be finished.
I think I'll set up a deathmatch this afternoon.
Solomon
So, um, are you supposed to be some rock band guitarist standing up in the driver's seat with one foot on the wheel winding through dark twisty urban alleys at 3-digit speeds while rabid fans unexpectedly launch themselves at you while you have to fend them off with cool guitar riffs, and yet, still be able to finish the race while your competitors are doing the same?
If there's anything that turns my stomach worse than a game like this, it would be... a *movie* based on a game like this! I'm calling Uwe Boll right this instant!
Just remember, you can't hold your guitar and your flashlight at the same time, never mind the steering wheel.
Solomon
You just interpreted the header wrong:
Stem Cells Cure Paralyzed Rats
A potential cure for the degenerative disease known as "Stem Cells" was found to cause paralysis in rats, a recent Tobacco Industry study showed. "All test rodents suffered from Stem Cells since birth," a researcher commented, "but upon administering the cure, most of the subjects, particularly the rats, became paralyzed." The potential Stem Cells Cure was in the process of being approved. FDA officials declined to comment.
"This is not a complete dead end," notes Pharmaceutical CEO John Doe. "We are not yet certain this potential cure causes paralysis in humans also." Doe added that penicillin is 100% fatal to guinea pigs, despite the unquestionable value it has for humans. "If the FDA were around a hundred years earlier, penicillin would have never been approved."
Meanwhile, PETA demonstrators are rallying at the offices of Megacorp Co., the company that conducted these experiments. "What these so-called scientists have done to these once-functional rats is reprehensible!" decries Wanda Bea Anne Activist. "These researchers should be testing on humans first!" PETA intends to conclude the protest by volunteering their own members for testing the Stem Cells Cure.
I think I've been reading the Onion too much.
Solomon Chang
Careful, the Sadism & Masochism Police Department may overhear you. I know because my computers all run something already called "SNMPD".
Solomon Chang
> "Jews did 911" turns up almost 900,000 easily ...may be more meaningful than you think. Everytime I see a car accident in downtown L.A. involving someone Jewish*, the first thing that happens is someone dials 911 regardless of how minor the damage is.
*Okay, this also happens with any other ethnic/racial group, but I just wanted to make my point.
Solomon Chang
...is it's the *only* genre of books I can think of told in Second Person.