very little responsibilities in this country other than voting, paying taxes
Yeah... like paying taxes is a 'little responsibility' - it is a weekly percentage of all us WORKING PEOPLES wages, you unemployed fuckwit, and that is NOT what I would call 'little'
Why dont you shut your fucking mouth, shit-for-brains.
So what is this shit about 2 posts a day for people who dont have great karma?
What you are saying is that anyone who doesnt post positively to the 'groupthink' of this blog is going to be limited in the discussions. Taco, was this your idea, or did your new bosses tell you to do this?
Ok, so a lot of us trolls post shit - so fucking what - how many fucking bytes do the words "FIRST POST" take up in your fucking precious database. Jees - if you are going to take the road to complete censorship, and least do it SLOWLY so we dont notice the gradual erosion of our liberties.
How about starting by limiting the number of posts to 10 so that at least when we do participate in discussions as trolls we can actually answer back.
Anyway, that's the end of my rant, and because I only have 2 posts I am going to put ALL my thoughts into the end of this one.... [takes a deep breath]....
Hi. I'm The_Fire_Horse, and you might remember me from such postings as 'What to do when your favourite website turns into a 1984 style Ministry of Truth', and 'HOWTO - Practical applications of Quantum Physics for Rednecks'.
Todays talk is going to be complete shit because the janitors have decided to stiffle free speech...
FIRST POST
Support the CLIT!!
Imagine a bewolf cluster of [whatever the latest shit hardware is being wanked about]
Does it run Linux?
All your base belong to the Slashdot Editors - if you disagree with the mindless fuckheads, no one will ever know because your voice wont be heard
To summarize... dont be so fucking cheap with hard drive space - if people want to read at -1.... let them. Remember also that there isn't a troll here who doesnt have at least 1 karma capped account; i.e. the people who give this website the insightful comments... oh, thats right... you dont give a fuck about comments do you - well, I guess this comment will just fall on deaf ears wont it.
HOWTO: Treat a woman after a night at the pub
You're a man and you want to be treated like one - but after coming home from the bar on a Friday night
your girlfriend confronts you and demands to talk about "where the relationship is going" - you are a little
pissed, but not pissed enough to dismiss the danger signals - what should you do ?
Hi, I'm the The_Fire_Horse and
you might remember me from such posts as "101 Great Blond Jokes"
, and "Oh, you're a feminist?... how cute"
Today we discuss the course of action which must be taken when a women says
that dreaded sentence: "where the relationship is going"
Here is a selection of possible responses
1. fuck off bitch - the footy's on the telly
2. fuck off bitch, after you suck my dick of course!
3. fuck off bitch, I'm spent - your 18yr old sister just sucked my dick for me - AND she swallowed!!
4. snap me a beer, will you - there's a good girl
5. So.... you're one of those "Dont call me a chick, chicks?"
This has been a government sponsored announcement by the Equal Oppurtinuty board - if you wish to make a complaint, please send your letter of complaint with proof of identify and a nice shot of your tits to:
Equal Oppurtinuty Commission
PO Box XXXXXXXX
Hootersville
1. Run a string line from one edge of the property to the other.
2. Dig a hole 1 foot square by 2 feet deep using a thin spade.
3. Fill with concrete and set in a stirrup bracket.
4. bolt a piece of hardwood 4 inches square by 6 feet into the bracket and level.
5. Yell FIRST POST
How to masturbate on a bus and not get caught
on
State of the Onion 7
·
· Score: -1
Hi, I'm The_Fire_Horse and you might remember me from such postings as "Fuck the world" and "Here comes another wanker".
My program today discusses the ancient art of having a wank on a public transport vehicle (bus, train, boat - it doesnt matter)
You will need : - a large newspaper - at least 2 magazines - a dick
1. When you board the bus/train/boat sit right across from a really hot chick with a short skirt and no bra - leer at her for a while. Ask her to show you her tits - women like it when men take the initiative to say this
2. Take out a newspaper and a couple of magazines and place the magazines open on either sides of you - try and make them 'trade' type mags and not Playboy or Penthouse.
3. Ok, now your sides are now covered - now get the newspaper and open it wide to the middle and place the bottom between your knees and lap - you should now be completely 'invisible'.
4. Unzip your fly and start wanking furiously to the image of the short skirted chick in front of you while yelling "DO IT BABY - DO IT NNNOOOOOWWWW !!!!!!". Dont worry, she and the other passengers cant hear you because you're surrounded by the 'newspapers of invisibility'.
5. Explain to the police that you got your advice from some dickhead on slashdot and they will understand, and just let you go.
This has been a community service announcement to the fellow horny students of the world
HOWTO - get laid
You read slashdot, you run linux, and you like girls - but you've never been laid.
Hi. I'm the Fire horse and you might remember me from such posts as "Masturbation - no, that doesnt count as sex" and "Tits - why are they so attractive"
Today we are going to SOLVE the problem of how a linux geek gets laid
1 - BE REALISTIC and stay with your 'looks ranking'. I just made that phrase up, but its true - if you are a male super model, then you should be able to get any girl, but if you are average / below-average looking, then FORGET ABOUT having sex with Natily Portman - it is not going to happen. Dont set you sights too high or you will be dissapointed.
2 - DONT FALL FOR TRAPS - You're paranoid? That's good!
If you are in high school then forget laying any girls there, because thier networks are so tight, and they like to gossip and make fun of people - seriously [this is not a troll] = if a super (or semi) attractive girl asks you to 'disrobe for her' think about it - she is asking you to run an EXE from an email... do you REALLY trust her that much?
If she wants to go out - that's fine. DO IT - get to know her and then put the hard word on her [see step 5]
3 - GET YOURSELF KNOWN
Make yourself visible to her. This may be helping her with the PC, the Internet, study, group projects or just plain talking. Do this. It's worth it.
4 - BE BOLD AND FAKE CONFIDENCE
As sure as a Null pointer will cause havoc in a program, so will a lack of confidence.
There is a simple way out of this, but no one believes it - BEHAVE as if you are confident and happy and you will eventually become this.
Ask her out on a date - in fact ask her after you've have a really busy and shitty week - you've studied/worked flat out and dont really give a fuck what the answer is - THIS is the best time to ask a girl out. If you dont care, then they will be interested.
5 - THE BIG NIGHT
Well, if you get this far then you are doing well. You have been on a few dates with and you are heading back, and ask her to come back 'for coffee' [insert your own pickup line here]
Obviously you should be WELL PREPARED with condoms, taxi money, a clean place, spare robe,.... whatever helps to make it run smoothly!
>I took it to the local pawnshop with some PS1 games (they don't require the dvd read lens, only the regular cd-reading lens) and got $150 for it, cold hard cash.
So, what you are saying is; that after you got screwed by Sony, you decided to screw some other schmuck at a pawn shop? Sheesh - that makes you as bad as 'them', so I guess you deserved to be reamed by sony!
The question which has plagued man for a thousand years will now finally be answered
by a slashdot troll.
Hi , I'm The_Fire_Horse
and you might remember me from such posts as The Bible is A.O.K. !!!,
and Sunny side up, thanks! - A travellers guide to Tasmania
Evolution is a rather slow process, and so modern man doesnt really have a decent
set of data to analyse and compare.
But , when it comes to the chicken and the egg problem - just think for a minute....
Isn't the answer staring at you in the face???
Geez, ok... I'll spell it out for you...
1. A prehistoric lizard lays an egg
2. The egg is slightly deformed, so therefore instead of hatching as a lizard it
has wierd feathers and a funny face... it looks like... ooh.. i dont know... ... a chicken???
3. Profit (no wait- cancel that). 3. Basically - a lizard lays a deformed egg
which hatches into a deformed lizard with feathers... repeat this process a few
thousand times with ever increasing cold weather, and I think that you'll agree that
it is quite clear that indeed - it was the EGG that came first ( it was a lizards egg
after all).
I've often thought that this was pretty much a 'no brainer', but perhaps I'm
missing something.... feel free to comment!
You work hard as a geek, and take pride in your job. Suddenly, the boss says that you have been reassigned to an assistant to the CEO to type his memo's and look after his PC. You feel sick to the stomach and decide to leave - what is the best way to tell you boss that you've had it? Hi , I'm The_Fire_Horse
and you might remember me from such posts as "Company Loyalty - HA - only if I work for Playboy", and "The Council workers guide to leaning on shovels"
Today we talk about severe resignations - how to resign with such verve and totality that there is no possible recourse - you need to be completely committed before trying these techniques.
The Big Spender
If you have purchasing rights, then now is the time to go crazy - you're company NEEDS a shitload of CGA monitors, 486 processors and the old faithful dot matrix printer's. Buy 50 of each as 'backup spares' just to be sure.
The Puzzler
rewrite all your documentation notes in pig latin, pure latin, or '1337' speak - just to keep your successor on their toes. Check out all the source code and change every 5th "GREATER THAN" sign to a "LESS THAN" sign in the source code to make things interesting.
The Player
before you go, subscribe your work phone number to the mailing list of every brothel in town, also to the 'notifiy me' phone list for all brewery's, night clubs, etc.
The Black Hole
delete all production data and replace it with the text 'LAST POST'
The Boss's Daughter
Get to know your bosses daughter. Wine her, dine her, seduce her, and then fuck her [with your specially prepared 'Holey Condom', so that she gets pregnant. Mention this to you boss during the monthly team meeting - dont forget to discuss the daughters 'assets' in detail and whether or not she 'takes in the rear'. Discuss this in detail with the rest of the staff and how fucking the boss's daughter is a lot like working on the help desk - both parties get it in the rear. Mention her tits repeatedly - draw diagrams.
The Turd
Spend 3 days eating curries and drinking plenty of beers - refrain from going to the loo, until the last possible minute and then jump up onto the bosses desk and leave your 'mission statement'. Nothing say's "I'm not happy" like a big shit on your bosses desk.
Well, have fun people and good luck with leaving your job, remember that if you follow any one of the above techniques you are bound to have your resignation accepted immediately, if not sooner. NOTE - You get Bonus points for combining two or more techniques!
Slashdot Mirror
Dear Sir,
I have read your post with great interest and I am interested in your views.
Please subscribe me to your newsletter, as I feel you have a lot to contribute to society.
Thanks in advance,
The Fire Horse
I for one, welcome our new MAD troll overloads!
that THAT was a cool computer - the VZ200/VZ300 came out for under $200 AU (about a third of the cost of the TRS80 or the Dick Smith System80).
I saved for a whole term in 1983 to get one of these babies - but then I failed Matric because I spent all my time learning to program.
Well - that I'm a senseless TROLL for starters!
Oh, and I like to buy cheese crackers on Wednesday's.
I agree with this post... [hell - i actually WROTE this post last year]
Although, replying to this [like i did last time] will label me as a troll, and my karma has never been the same.
... suck my dick!
spoiler warning in subject...
The only packets I juggle are my TESTICLES!!!
oh, yeh.... FIRST POST ! ! !
hope you can hear this ok
Hey, dont laugh - Bruce Schneier's talks about secure assholes led to Secure Ass Systems
very little responsibilities in this country other than voting, paying taxes
Yeah... like paying taxes is a 'little responsibility' - it is a weekly percentage of all us WORKING PEOPLES wages, you unemployed fuckwit, and that is NOT what I would call 'little'
Why dont you shut your fucking mouth, shit-for-brains.
So what is this shit about 2 posts a day for people who dont have great karma?
... let them. Remember also that there isn't a troll here who doesnt have at least 1 karma capped account; i.e. the people who give this website the insightful comments... oh, thats right... you dont give a fuck about comments do you - well, I guess this comment will just fall on deaf ears wont it.
What you are saying is that anyone who doesnt post positively to the 'groupthink' of this blog is going to be limited in the discussions. Taco, was this your idea, or did your new bosses tell you to do this?
Ok, so a lot of us trolls post shit - so fucking what - how many fucking bytes do the words "FIRST POST" take up in your fucking precious database. Jees - if you are going to take the road to complete censorship, and least do it SLOWLY so we dont notice the gradual erosion of our liberties.
How about starting by limiting the number of posts to 10 so that at least when we do participate in discussions as trolls we can actually answer back.
Anyway, that's the end of my rant, and because I only have 2 posts I am going to put ALL my thoughts into the end of this one.... [takes a deep breath]....
Hi. I'm The_Fire_Horse, and you might remember me from such postings as 'What to do when your favourite website turns into a 1984 style Ministry of Truth', and 'HOWTO - Practical applications of Quantum Physics for Rednecks'.
Todays talk is going to be complete shit because the janitors have decided to stiffle free speech...
FIRST POST
Support the CLIT!!
Imagine a bewolf cluster of [whatever the latest shit hardware is being wanked about]
Does it run Linux?
All your base belong to the Slashdot Editors - if you disagree with the mindless fuckheads, no one will ever know because your voice wont be heard
To summarize... dont be so fucking cheap with hard drive space - if people want to read at -1.
HOWTO: Treat a woman after a night at the pub
: "where the relationship is going"
:
You're a man and you want to be treated like one - but after coming home from the bar on a Friday night your girlfriend confronts you and demands to talk about "where the relationship is going" - you are a little pissed, but not pissed enough to dismiss the danger signals - what should you do ?
Hi, I'm the The_Fire_Horse and you might remember me from such posts as "101 Great Blond Jokes"
, and "Oh, you're a feminist?... how cute"
Today we discuss the course of action which must be taken when a women says that dreaded sentence
Here is a selection of possible responses
1. fuck off bitch - the footy's on the telly
2. fuck off bitch, after you suck my dick of course!
3. fuck off bitch, I'm spent - your 18yr old sister just sucked my dick for me - AND she swallowed!!
4. snap me a beer, will you - there's a good girl
5. So.... you're one of those "Dont call me a chick, chicks?"
This has been a government sponsored announcement by the Equal Oppurtinuty board - if you wish to make a complaint, please send your letter of complaint with proof of identify and a nice shot of your tits to
Equal Oppurtinuty Commission
PO Box XXXXXXXX
Hootersville
Damn - I'VE FAILED IT (HA - beat you, Mr 'YOU FAILED IT'!)
1. Run a string line from one edge of the property to the other.
2. Dig a hole 1 foot square by 2 feet deep using a thin spade.
3. Fill with concrete and set in a stirrup bracket.
4. bolt a piece of hardwood 4 inches square by 6 feet into the bracket and level.
5. Yell FIRST POST
yup - it sure is!!!
Hi, I'm The_Fire_Horse and you might remember me from such postings as "Fuck the world" and "Here comes another wanker".
My program today discusses the ancient art of having a wank on a public transport vehicle (bus, train, boat - it doesnt matter)
You will need : - a large newspaper - at least 2 magazines - a dick
1. When you board the bus/train/boat sit right across from a really hot chick with a short skirt and no bra - leer at her for a while. Ask her to show you her tits - women like it when men take the initiative to say this
2. Take out a newspaper and a couple of magazines and place the magazines open on either sides of you - try and make them 'trade' type mags and not Playboy or Penthouse.
3. Ok, now your sides are now covered - now get the newspaper and open it wide to the middle and place the bottom between your knees and lap - you should now be completely 'invisible'.
4. Unzip your fly and start wanking furiously to the image of the short skirted chick in front of you while yelling "DO IT BABY - DO IT NNNOOOOOWWWW !!!!!!". Dont worry, she and the other passengers cant hear you because you're surrounded by the 'newspapers of invisibility'.
5. Explain to the police that you got your advice from some dickhead on slashdot and they will understand, and just let you go.
This has been a community service announcement to the fellow horny students of the world
or maybe not who gives a shit anyway!!
HOWTO - get laid
.... whatever helps to make it run smoothly!
You read slashdot, you run linux, and you like girls - but you've never been laid.
Hi. I'm the Fire horse and you might remember me from such posts as "Masturbation - no, that doesnt count as sex" and "Tits - why are they so attractive"
Today we are going to SOLVE the problem of how a linux geek gets laid
1 - BE REALISTIC and stay with your 'looks ranking'. I just made that phrase up, but its true - if you are a male super model, then you should be able to get any girl, but if you are average / below-average looking, then FORGET ABOUT having sex with Natily Portman - it is not going to happen. Dont set you sights too high or you will be dissapointed.
2 - DONT FALL FOR TRAPS - You're paranoid? That's good!
If you are in high school then forget laying any girls there, because thier networks are so tight, and they like to gossip and make fun of people - seriously [this is not a troll] = if a super (or semi) attractive girl asks you to 'disrobe for her' think about it - she is asking you to run an EXE from an email... do you REALLY trust her that much?
If she wants to go out - that's fine. DO IT - get to know her and then put the hard word on her [see step 5]
3 - GET YOURSELF KNOWN
Make yourself visible to her. This may be helping her with the PC, the Internet, study, group projects or just plain talking. Do this. It's worth it.
4 - BE BOLD AND FAKE CONFIDENCE As sure as a Null pointer will cause havoc in a program, so will a lack of confidence.
There is a simple way out of this, but no one believes it - BEHAVE as if you are confident and happy and you will eventually become this.
Ask her out on a date - in fact ask her after you've have a really busy and shitty week - you've studied/worked flat out and dont really give a fuck what the answer is - THIS is the best time to ask a girl out. If you dont care, then they will be interested.
5 - THE BIG NIGHT
Well, if you get this far then you are doing well. You have been on a few dates with and you are heading back, and ask her to come back 'for coffee' [insert your own pickup line here]
Obviously you should be WELL PREPARED with condoms, taxi money, a clean place, spare robe,
Good luck.
I herard that someone took their sister to the nerf gun shootout - and then she took her top off hoping to temporarily distract the enemy.
...those poor linux programmers - they didn't stand a chance.
... I lost mine at the laundromat and now I am pantsless.
>I took it to the local pawnshop with some PS1 games (they don't require the dvd read lens, only the regular cd-reading lens) and got $150 for it, cold hard cash.
So, what you are saying is; that after you got screwed by Sony, you decided to screw some other schmuck at a pawn shop? Sheesh - that makes you as bad as 'them', so I guess you deserved to be reamed by sony!
.. its not like no one knew that, though.
The question which has plagued man for a thousand years will now finally be answered by a slashdot troll.
....
... a chicken???
Hi , I'm The_Fire_Horse and you might remember me from such posts as The Bible is A.O.K. !!!,
and Sunny side up, thanks! - A travellers guide to Tasmania
Evolution is a rather slow process, and so modern man doesnt really have a decent set of data to analyse and compare.
But , when it comes to the chicken and the egg problem - just think for a minute
Isn't the answer staring at you in the face???
Geez, ok... I'll spell it out for you...
1. A prehistoric lizard lays an egg
2. The egg is slightly deformed, so therefore instead of hatching as a lizard it has wierd feathers and a funny face... it looks like... ooh.. i dont know...
3. Profit (no wait- cancel that). 3. Basically - a lizard lays a deformed egg which hatches into a deformed lizard with feathers... repeat this process a few thousand times with ever increasing cold weather, and I think that you'll agree that it is quite clear that indeed - it was the EGG that came first ( it was a lizards egg after all).
I've often thought that this was pretty much a 'no brainer', but perhaps I'm missing something.... feel free to comment!
You work hard as a geek, and take pride in your job. Suddenly, the boss says that you have been reassigned to an assistant to the CEO to type his memo's and look after his PC. You feel sick to the stomach and decide to leave - what is the best way to tell you boss that you've had it? Hi , I'm The_Fire_Horse and you might remember me from such posts as "Company Loyalty - HA - only if I work for Playboy", and "The Council workers guide to leaning on shovels"
Today we talk about severe resignations - how to resign with such verve and totality that there is no possible recourse - you need to be completely committed before trying these techniques.
The Big Spender
If you have purchasing rights, then now is the time to go crazy - you're company NEEDS a shitload of CGA monitors, 486 processors and the old faithful dot matrix printer's. Buy 50 of each as 'backup spares' just to be sure.
The Puzzler
rewrite all your documentation notes in pig latin, pure latin, or '1337' speak - just to keep your successor on their toes. Check out all the source code and change every 5th "GREATER THAN" sign to a "LESS THAN" sign in the source code to make things interesting.
The Player
before you go, subscribe your work phone number to the mailing list of every brothel in town, also to the 'notifiy me' phone list for all brewery's, night clubs, etc.
The Black Hole
delete all production data and replace it with the text 'LAST POST'
The Boss's Daughter
Get to know your bosses daughter. Wine her, dine her, seduce her, and then fuck her [with your specially prepared 'Holey Condom', so that she gets pregnant. Mention this to you boss during the monthly team meeting - dont forget to discuss the daughters 'assets' in detail and whether or not she 'takes in the rear'. Discuss this in detail with the rest of the staff and how fucking the boss's daughter is a lot like working on the help desk - both parties get it in the rear. Mention her tits repeatedly - draw diagrams.
The Turd
Spend 3 days eating curries and drinking plenty of beers - refrain from going to the loo, until the last possible minute and then jump up onto the bosses desk and leave your 'mission statement'. Nothing say's "I'm not happy" like a big shit on your bosses desk.
Well, have fun people and good luck with leaving your job, remember that if you follow any one of the above techniques you are bound to have your resignation accepted immediately, if not sooner.
NOTE - You get Bonus points for combining two or more techniques!