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Mordac the preventer

http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/2011-12-19/

Dilbert
Techno-bill

Dilbert
Techno-bill

See They're photocopies! You don't need to proofread each one!

Unbelievable software incompetence. Not only did they do this, but they knew about it and documented it!

Wow.. parent literally pointed out that the conclusion is that a million transistors fits within the same area if the feature size is 1/1000 of the original size.
You aren't exactly the Dilbert Parrot Man but you are uncomfortably close.

In software development we have something called the "code mocking". There must be something similar for network admins. As well as gaining an understanding of how the network operates you will also acquire a stockpile of excuses for when things go wrong. Blaming the last guy is industry standard best practice.

This seems appropriate if you imagine that the yellow-haired person is OpenGL and the PHB is Windows.

http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/1994-01-25/

Come on Nokia, are you that dumb (oh wait, you are) that you are actually telling Microsoft that if they don't hurry, you are going to go bust and they can buy what they want of you for loose chance?

The Windows Phone platform turns a lot of otherwise not so smart people into blittering idiots. Take this gem:

You can't compare Windows Phone sales to Android and iOS because it has only been on the market a fraction of the time.

The truth? Windows Phones is now the OLDEST smartphone OS now Symbian has gone the way of the Dodo. MS has been trying for WELL OVER a DECADE. Yes, they keep renaming it in an attempt to wash away the stench of defeat... actually defeat is not the right word, the would imply they stood chance, I can claim I was defeated in the 1 mile race but it sorta looses any meaning if I never made it across the starting line.

Nokia bet its future on an OS from a company that hasn't managed to sell for over ten years. Why would it chance NOW when there are to OSes selling like hotcakes and a bunch of upstarts and re-entries fighting for the scraps. It like betting on the boxer who knocked himself trying to get into the ring in the next round because the next fight is on top of mount everest and everyone is bringing guns so his losing streak is... is there ANYONE who can walk upright who thinks MS was a good bet for Nokia?

Symbian was not dead yet, the N900 and N9 sold faster then Nokia was willing to sell them and Android is available if they wanted it. They HAD OS'es with proven track records. They went for the OS that didn't sell and has never sold. That is beyond risk taking, that is even beyond putting it all on one horse, that is insane. Personally I think Elop is even more a Trojan then most people realize. MS never bet on Nokia, they wanted to ruin them while they experimented and then hope to buy the assests cheaply and make their own phones.

You can't mis-manage a company like this by accident.

I have a pet theory that a lot of our decline is a result of the family unit disappearing. In the days of my youth, it was almost universal the man supported the family, and the woman ran the house. Both were absolutely essential.

These days, welfare programs have replaced the male's efforts. The Government is far better equipped to finance fatherless families as counterfeiting currency is illegal for an individual, but legal for the government. Useless males, replaced by welfare programs and cellphones, now congregate often finding much mischief. The sexual drives are still on, so we satisfy them with each other.

I believe the current expansion of homosexuality is nothing more than the result of males whose attractiveness to the female has waned as the female finds other means to support the family and no longer needs to expend the effort to maintain a relationship with a male. With this in mind, pandering to the needs of a male is tantamount to changing the oil in a rental car. Males are too easily replaced - look to the animals - the females are usually the ones that run the show. The only thing we males had going for us is we had the time to go to work to finance the family - but, thanks to easily accessible WIC (Women, Infants, and Children) government programs, unless one is a really high-income male, there is little use for him in today's Government-financed family.

Males do the same, we jump from woman to woman like a tomcat. No loyalty to one woman. A loose woman shows up and he's onto it.

Women I have encountered seem to have an unrealistic expectation of my capacity to keep them in trinkets and entertained. It seems to be my lot in life to work for wages, pay tax, sign onto more debt to buy a "nice" car ( chick magnet ), buy jewelery because the ads tell me that is what I have to do to "prove my love". The female takes that which I traded years of my life for and hocks it at the business with the sign twirler in front saying "we buy gold". I am no longer needed. The government has made me obsolete.

Scott Adams summed it up pretty good here...

http://www.dilbert.com/2013-07-21/

Your data + Someone's cheap cloud service = You not having a damn clue when/where your data is replicated.

Obligatory Dilbert

A friend of mine is a firm survivalist, but he hasn't stockpiled any food, only weapons and ammunition. I asked him how that's supposed to work, and he said it's ok, whatever food he needs he'll just take from his liberal neighbors. What are they going to do, call the cops? Although I personally don't work that way, I have to admit, he has a point.

Your "friend" is a psychopath. My advice would be to stay well away from him (if he exists anywhere outside of your head).

If only the greens and survivalists learned to stop ridiculing each other, they might find they had some things in common.

The greens I know may be naive, but at least they're not planning to kill their neighbours.

Oh, he definitely exists. Think about it for a minute -- how likely is it that people with that mind set *don't* exist? I'll wait.

He has other qualities that justify being his friend. We disagree on this point, but I hope to turn him around some day. In the meantime, I'm mindful of
this.

I think the point is, it's not enough to merely have supplies or the means to produce them, but inevitably at some point you will also need the means to defend them. This is where the greens fall short, I think, and in a real forced-back-to-nature situation, this would be their downfall. Society exists in part to defend the individuals who can't or won't defend themselves. Things can break down over something as simple as an over-hyped jury verdict. Then what?

ah yes, Dilbert "the prepper" vs. Alice (ex navy seal with weapons and expertise in using them) http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/2011-07-31/

funny people ridicule "prepper", that just means being prepared for problems and 50+ years ago was normal family thinking. Having supplies for three days is smart, city water could shut down or severe cold snap after blizzard could burst mains so nothing crazy about that. Once you have three days, why not go for a week's supply, again handy for blizzard or hurricane (miss the inevitable rush in the stores right before).

Hopefully mad-max scenario never strikes near you, but if it does here's something to ponder.

  most "preppers" are not like the ones in your story, they have nice powerful guns that they practice with and also have early warning system of the family dog. a thief/raider has odds against them unless in an organized group. in the case of attack by semi-organized or organized group the trick is to observe and identify the "ringleaders", then take them out. this works in riot situation too, there will be clusters of people egged on by "ringleaders".

But organization works in the favor of being prepared too, if you are friendly and helpful to your neighbors and know they are prepared too, you can work together and defend and help each other as community rather than every man or household for itself. civilization and civility that stands up under disaster is a good thing.

FTFA:
We should not have to tell organisations to think twice, before outsourcing vital services to companies who offer to work for free.

Relevant Dilbert

One of the better Dilbert cartoons about the boss wanting to build an inventory system in email comes to mind: http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/1995-12-31/

How wonderfully appropriate.

Dilbert Cloud Strip

This is also fitting: http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/2006-01-09/

If this Dilbert cartoon does not hit the nail on the head, I don't know what does.

This is great news! Today's Dilbert is relevant.

http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/1995-11-13/

http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/1996-10-16/

Booths need:
Magic tricks
Special effects
Raffles
Booth babes

http://search.dilbert.com/comic/Small%20Font

Prior art?

http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/1997-08-28/

http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/1997-08-28/

na, if you suck at your job but have the right kind of personality, then its easy to succeed

That said, if the boss is failing at running the dept, because he "just parrots what his subordinates tell him", then that suggests the subordinates need to go - if they were competent, they'd be giving him good advice after all.

Wally has it right.

with Microsoft is because he was lucky enough to have known Bill Gates and Paul Allen

Right, and the board must feel that if they get rid of the 'original team' facet, the stock price will suffer. It's incredibly short sighted - in the long run the founders are dead, so they have to do it sometime unless they're planning to have Bill Gates's head in a jar run the company. But public companies rarely do 'long-term'.

In the meantime, get your re-org boots on, Microsofties.

I hope this drives the right behavior.

Good grief. Is. it. really. that. hard. to do?!

Re: your sig.
Use Fast. It's for smart sensible people.
http://dilbert.com/fast/2010-12-13

Dilbert knows what to do.

COBOL is for real men. I can see how it would scare off all the kids who don't know real computing before that newfangled MS-DOS.

COBOL is for wimps. Real mean write machine code.

Oh, yea. Obligatory Dilbert (better than XKCD in this case).

I think Dilbert covers this: http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/2013-05-03/

To be fair, a couple of AC did mention Scott Adams before you (1, 2. One even linked to Scott Adams' take on Larry Page's problem.

Quality metrics can have unexpected side effects.

I don't think it's necessarily easier. After all, the tester has to put up with smug douchebag developers that think that testing is easier than developing.

I'm sensing a lot of PHB thinking here: "Anything I don't understand is easy."

You just need to claim that you are a Mennonite, and for religious reasons you do not own a credit card. Generally employers know so little as to be unable to verify the check, and are usually too scare of state and federal laws around religious discrimination to mess with someone who has an education and a moderate level of affluence.

"Sorry, can't. I am a Mennonite... um, (software developer|computer engineer|adherent assisting in the sale of high-tech materialistic comforts via television infomercials).
(*cough*) Right. Well, best be off to my buggy then..."

Bonus points for insinuating that you don't respect your employer enough to tell a plausible lie.

(Just as an aside, but poor people have access to $125+k in personal revolving lines of credit from Amex now? I guess I need welfare—or perhaps insulation from the inevitable credit bubble collapse that would cause)

PHB: "I want to fire Wally, but I can't risk it. He says he's the only one who can program the Zeberpupin system." Wally: "The word you're trying to think of is 'indispensable.'"

PHB: "I want to fire Wally, but I can't risk it. He says he's the only one who can program the Zeberpupin system." Wally: "The word you're trying to think of is 'indispensable.'"

Been doing it for many years, too

Indeed, it is a Dilbert nightmare.

This particular one, in fact.

Relevant quote: "Anything I don't understand is easy to do."

Would this one do?

BZZZT! Wrong

http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/1995-05-04/

Obligatory Dilbert...
http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/2004-01-20/

An old problem, as Dilbert discovered.

I swear Scott Adams is spying on everyone of us

http://www.dilbert.com/fast/2013-03-16/