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Check this site out for a cubist web page.

Wha ... wha ... what do you mean ... IT'S NOT!!?!?!?!

I mean, that's why the Internet is called America Online, right? It's supposed to be about America! :P

Bah...the link was to the hilarious Satire Wire that talks about the millions of Americans that are pretending that they own their homes. Ah....here it is. Sorry about the confusion.

As reported by the acclaimed news portal SatireWire, Silicon Pines offers loving care for the technically spare. Pretty sure they could take in dotcoms with problems in managing certain non-equity payment modes.

As reported by the acclaimed news portal SatireWire, Silicon Pines offers loving care for the technically spare. Pretty sure they could take in dotcoms with problems in managing certain non-equity payment modes.

As reported by the acclaimed news portal SatireWire, Silicon Pines offers loving care for the technically spare. Pretty sure they could take in dotcoms with problems in managing certain non-equity payment modes.

Your email is still (probably) safe.

Bah! Boring people should stop encrypting things anyway.

Red Hat isn't crippling KDE, they are wrapping it in their own interface to be consistent with Gnome. All the KDE functionality will still be there, just wrapped up in the Kwrap desktop that Red Hat installs.

You'll still be able to use all your favorite programs, there will just be a new, Kwrappy look to them. Every Qt program on your hard drive will have this new look, so that your computer screenshots will all look like Kwrap.

I can understand why Bero might have wanted this to be a more limited change, but what would the point have been? If only some of the KDE programs were given a new look, would people say that Red Hat's desktop was only a piece of Kwrap? No, Red Hat chose to make sure their new distribution was full of Kwrap.

Apologies to the late Satire Wire

Amazon.com's not alone in patenting stupid stuff. Remember the Satiewire bit CDNow Wins Patent for Loss-Based Revenue Model.

This sounds all wrong but, read this and think about it.

Please, don't use encryption!!!

Just out of curiosity, could you then impregnate yourself with your clone? I would be afraid of doing a crappy job raising my clone, and then it would make me be its slave and do all of its homework. (semi-carefully chosen example) And yes, I am tangential.

Oh wait, this is real?

My Favourite.

While we're at it, here's my personal absolute favorite: Interview with the Search Engine

My favorite bit:

As is likely to be the case with Bush, most such incidents have little impact on world events, but Doris Greyley, author of "Dishonorable Discharge: The Rise and Fall of Dictators," said many leaders in crisis have found themselves grabbing the veins of power at unpropitious times, often with disastrous results.

How about collating SatireWire's articles and publishing a book [...]

From the creator of the award-winning Web site that USA Today calls "hilarious," Fast Company hails as "pure lunacy," and The New York Times calls "unfair to Argentina," comes ECONOMY OF ERRORS, the book that asks:

• Did you know that truly loyal employees are increasingly rare, and can be sold to other companies at attractive prices?
• Do you agree that in a tight labor market, managers should be allowed to slap employees pretty much whenever they want?
• Have you ever cleared space for yourself on an airplane by turning to the stranger next to you and shouting, 'Good God! One of us is going to be sick in your seat!'?

If your answer to any of these questions was, "I didn't realize Alan Greenspan ties interest rates to his cholesterol level," you should definitely buy ECONOMY OF ERRORS.

WHAT'S INSIDE:

• Typo Causes Companies to Merde
• Kmart Gives Shoplifter Refunds
• Interviews with Bill Gates, Roger Clemens, and classical rapper Yo Yo Ma Big Thang
• Enron
• Argentina
• Mr. Clickwell
• The poetry of e.e. commerce
• Businesspeople with fish heads, and much more.

The best laughs I've had from SatireWire:

Are you tangential?
Imagine there's no countries
Should Marty Xerox Egypt?
Least-used chat e-bbreviations
Ask the startled
Men do talk about relationships
Canada has a waship? like for war?
God names next chosen people; it's Jews again
New "Segway Human Transporter" not tested for acronyms

The best laughs I've had from SatireWire:

Are you tangential?
Imagine there's no countries
Should Marty Xerox Egypt?
Least-used chat e-bbreviations
Ask the startled
Men do talk about relationships
Canada has a waship? like for war?
God names next chosen people; it's Jews again
New "Segway Human Transporter" not tested for acronyms

The best laughs I've had from SatireWire:

Are you tangential?
Imagine there's no countries
Should Marty Xerox Egypt?
Least-used chat e-bbreviations
Ask the startled
Men do talk about relationships
Canada has a waship? like for war?
God names next chosen people; it's Jews again
New "Segway Human Transporter" not tested for acronyms

The best laughs I've had from SatireWire:

Are you tangential?
Imagine there's no countries
Should Marty Xerox Egypt?
Least-used chat e-bbreviations
Ask the startled
Men do talk about relationships
Canada has a waship? like for war?
God names next chosen people; it's Jews again
New "Segway Human Transporter" not tested for acronyms

The best laughs I've had from SatireWire:

Are you tangential?
Imagine there's no countries
Should Marty Xerox Egypt?
Least-used chat e-bbreviations
Ask the startled
Men do talk about relationships
Canada has a waship? like for war?
God names next chosen people; it's Jews again
New "Segway Human Transporter" not tested for acronyms

The best laughs I've had from SatireWire:

Are you tangential?
Imagine there's no countries
Should Marty Xerox Egypt?
Least-used chat e-bbreviations
Ask the startled
Men do talk about relationships
Canada has a waship? like for war?
God names next chosen people; it's Jews again
New "Segway Human Transporter" not tested for acronyms

The best laughs I've had from SatireWire:

Are you tangential?
Imagine there's no countries
Should Marty Xerox Egypt?
Least-used chat e-bbreviations
Ask the startled
Men do talk about relationships
Canada has a waship? like for war?
God names next chosen people; it's Jews again
New "Segway Human Transporter" not tested for acronyms

The best laughs I've had from SatireWire:

Are you tangential?
Imagine there's no countries
Should Marty Xerox Egypt?
Least-used chat e-bbreviations
Ask the startled
Men do talk about relationships
Canada has a waship? like for war?
God names next chosen people; it's Jews again
New "Segway Human Transporter" not tested for acronyms

The best laughs I've had from SatireWire:

Are you tangential?
Imagine there's no countries
Should Marty Xerox Egypt?
Least-used chat e-bbreviations
Ask the startled
Men do talk about relationships
Canada has a waship? like for war?
God names next chosen people; it's Jews again
New "Segway Human Transporter" not tested for acronyms

Actually, my favorite satirewire article in recent memory was ANGERED BY SNUBBING, LIBYA, CHINA SYRIA FORM AXIS OF JUST AS EVIL which sort of highlighted the silliness of identifying three countries as some sort of menace to humanity as a whole. Especially given the fact that Iran and Iraq are bitter enemies the idea that they are some sort of "axis" is crazy.

GMD

Today i read Slashdot and suddenly feel that maybe the time is ripe for PGP for just plain old email's... when just yesterday i read a article asking me not to do that ;)

Better reason to start encrypting everything. I do hate to see this type of power in the hands of a private company, though I'm sure monitoring like this has been done before. This tool just simplifies the data collection into a central, easy appliance.

And tightening security at Logan implies what?

SatireWire did a take-off of this three months ago, back when it was topical.

The best part is that the JCS have been totally cut out of planning for this Iraq thing. It's less of a true national policy than a nostalgia thing among some administration members. It's also getting quite tiring.

Australia's safe until Paul Hogan starts attending NSC meetings.

SatireWire was originally named FNWire, but had to change because people kept thinking the articles were real.

It still happens tho, see Americans annoyed by "all this international shit" on Internet: "Editor's Note: It seems that after reading this entirely fictional story, some investors/customers of Net Nanny believed the company actually was going to produce NetNarrow software. As a result, Net Nanny asked SatireWire to please assure people that this is not the case. No, really."

I love the story they wrote announcing the book:

At first we were like, 'A book? Gee, why don't we just go all the way and paint on some cave walls or something?'" recalled Marlatt of his earliest conversations with the publisher.

However, Broadway's response convinced the author that he should reconsider.

"They told me, 'Well then, you just go ahead and keep publishing on the Internet, for free, like an idiot,'" said Marlatt.

Overall, it's a very funny book. My only complaint is that, clearly, they didn't have enough content, so they raised the font size to make everything fit. This is the opposite of any of The Onion books, which had to reduce the size to (near) unreadable levels in order to fit their tabloid-sized newspaper into a book format.

--

Probably my favorite story has to be CANADIAN WARSHIP SEIZES TANKER IN... WAIT... CANADA HAS A WARSHIP? Granted, I am Canadian, but read it for a good lauhg, and for an example of the quality that comes out of SatireWire.

I've been reading SatireWire for a couple of years now, and this remains one of the funniest graphics I've seen on the net. Sometimes the humour can vary a bit but occasionally it's spot on. I'm slightly disappointed that the book seems to be a collection of old stories from the site, I was looking forward to something new.

I'm not planning on cancelling my order though :-)

Apparently it's too late... Check out this news flash.

Savvy Balloonist Starts Round-World Trip Halfway Round World

Well, if you remember, MS was the #5 seed in the UN March Madness this past year, and was up against #12, Cuba, in the first round. SatireWire So I would guess that they are a country. Perhaps they'll field a World Cup team in 2006?

... has a very amusing take on these shenanigans.

Incidentally, it's funny what passes for `news for nerds' these days. I'm an Aussie, and read this site for Linux news. Star Wars news. Tech-related civil liberties commantaries. This site of all sites should recognise it's international readership, and the reasons for which people read it. Mod me down if you will, but I honestly don't see how news such as this is compatible with the site's `charter'.

Then again, this article has had almost 2000 comments at the time of this writing. Perhaps I'm in the minority in feeling this way.

Prior to September 11th, 2001, it was inconceivable that anyone would be capable of using airplanes as guided missiles and then fly them into buildings.

It's also inconceivable that anyone might be capable of using a US submarine as a guided missile and flying it into a building. Or a flock of pigs, for that matter. Who knows when these preconceptions may be challenged?

I think that this Satirewire article put it best.

http://www.satirewire.com/news/jan02/axis.shtml

You people have got to be kidding! Anything done in COBOL can be re-written in C 1000 times more efficiently, quicker, and easier to understand for the next (younger) guy in line for your job.

Give me a break, COBOL, if this isn't satire, I don't know what is!

Courtesy of SatireWire

Judaism hasn't elected a Pope, but it has recently merged with Hinduism, creating 900 million Hinjews. Or so the news reports say.

this article at SatireWire might give us a clue.

...latest research indicate that "Foot and Mouth" disease is the first virus unable to spread via Outlook.

Experts and laymen alike were shocked :).

NAFTA - North American Free Trade Agreement.

The last time I looked, Peru was in South America.

Although, I admit they could have pulled an Australia and now be somewhere in North America ;-)

----

Slashdot's coverage of remote-controlled rats was woefully inadequate. SatireWire has the full story. It appears that the Pentagon is having a difficult time deciding which is the politically correct animal to control. Many slashdotters have experience working with ratlike animals, perhaps they can lend their expertise. Which species would you chose for remote-controlled search and rescue missions?

"(A cell of) rice appears to contain about 50,000 genes, compared with about 35,000 for humans." -- The Wall Street Journal, April, 2002

HUMANS INSIST THEY ARE NOT DUMBER THAN RICE
Many Believed to Be Correct

San Diego, Calif. (SatireWire.com) -- Word that genetic researchers have discovered a cell of rice contains more genes than a human cell has caused widespread outrage as people across the globe attempt to prove that humans are easily as smart as a grain of rice.

In Edmonton, Canada, 34-year-old Alan Snigget was one of many average humans who devised intelligence tests to discredit the implication that rice is more evolved. The postal worker began by taping a grain of rice to a brick wall -- "but lightly, so it could move if it had to" -- then hopping behind the wheel of his 1994 Dodge pickup truck. After honking several times to give fair warning, Snigget drove at high speed directly into the rice. According to eyewitnesses, however, the rice never moved.

Said one Edmonton police officer who observed the scene: "Stupid rice."

As in Snigget's case, humans have managed to prevail in almost every test. In Montgomery, Ala., state employee Rodney Lopat said he took "two out of three" in a geography quiz against the allegedly brainy grain. And in Aberdeen, Scotland, lorry driver Duncan McCann is confident he will win a chess match that began three days ago. Asked why the game was taking so long, McCann explained that the rice is using the white pieces. "I'm still waiting for it to make the first move," he said.

RICE RIOTS

While most man vs. grain confrontations have been peaceful, a few have devolved into violence. Most notably, rice riots erupted yesterday in Germany after an angry crowd of National Front youths spotted a man who, they decided, looked like a piece of rice. After chasing the man for two blocks, the throng grew bored, but managed to salvage an otherwise disappointing afternoon by ransacking a Japanese restaurant.

In response, the Rev. Jesse Jackson called for a boycott of any food product companies that differentiate between white and brown rice.

The press, meanwhile, has generally denounced the findings. In a front-page editorial, the Straits Times of Singapore questioned whether researchers had taken cells from a representative cross-section of humans, or just actor Robert Blake. Expressing its anger, USA Today called the report "as useless as studies insisting there is a widespread dumbing down of America," and included a series of colorful graphs and charts to illustrate its point.

If any one sentiment prevails, however, it is the belief in human superiority. To that end, CNN.com released the results of a poll asking "Are humans dumber than rice?" A full 51 percent of respondents voted no, while only 15 percent clicked yes. The remaining 34 percent accidentally clicked the wrong button, panicked, and deleted their browsers.

Copyright © 2002, SatireWire