Domain: theonion.com
Stories and comments across the archive that link to theonion.com.
Comments · 4,506
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Re:Bubble Ambitions
The Onion hit the nail on the head quite a few times, back in the day. E.g.:
Species Of Blue-Green Algae Announces IPO
AOL Acquires Time-Warner In Largest-Ever Expenditure Of Pretend Internet MoneyI remember one company getting funded whose business plan was.... no business plan. Their entire idea was, "we're a group of people who have organized ourselves into a company; you give us a business plan and funding, and we'll implement it." Got a couple million dollars, if I remember right.
More recently, they nailed Bitcoin right around its peak (Aww, too soon?
;) ).Bitcoin Plunge Reveals Possible Vulnerabilities In Crazy Imaginary Internet Money
They've not yet poked fun at the self-driving bubble as heavily, so I guess we have a little more time yet
;) -
Re:Bubble Ambitions
The Onion hit the nail on the head quite a few times, back in the day. E.g.:
Species Of Blue-Green Algae Announces IPO
AOL Acquires Time-Warner In Largest-Ever Expenditure Of Pretend Internet MoneyI remember one company getting funded whose business plan was.... no business plan. Their entire idea was, "we're a group of people who have organized ourselves into a company; you give us a business plan and funding, and we'll implement it." Got a couple million dollars, if I remember right.
More recently, they nailed Bitcoin right around its peak (Aww, too soon?
;) ).Bitcoin Plunge Reveals Possible Vulnerabilities In Crazy Imaginary Internet Money
They've not yet poked fun at the self-driving bubble as heavily, so I guess we have a little more time yet
;) -
Re:Bubble Ambitions
The Onion hit the nail on the head quite a few times, back in the day. E.g.:
Species Of Blue-Green Algae Announces IPO
AOL Acquires Time-Warner In Largest-Ever Expenditure Of Pretend Internet MoneyI remember one company getting funded whose business plan was.... no business plan. Their entire idea was, "we're a group of people who have organized ourselves into a company; you give us a business plan and funding, and we'll implement it." Got a couple million dollars, if I remember right.
More recently, they nailed Bitcoin right around its peak (Aww, too soon?
;) ).Bitcoin Plunge Reveals Possible Vulnerabilities In Crazy Imaginary Internet Money
They've not yet poked fun at the self-driving bubble as heavily, so I guess we have a little more time yet
;) -
5 cameras!
Obligatory.... https://www.theonion.com/fuck-...
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Re:Comfortable keyboards are for chumps
The Onion beat you to that punchline almost a decade ago.
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Re:Doesn't sound stupid to me
On the other hand, they could just be a support group for https://www.theonion.com/
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Re:Speaking of moons
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Re:Not me!
As mandated by 47 U.S.C. ss 154, the obligatory:
Area Man Constantly Mentioning He Doesn't Own A Television -
Re: liberal judge
Yes, everyone at my Church knows that the "Theory of Gravity" is really just a plot to turn children gay and atheist. That's why we're organizing to have our schools teach Intelligent Falling instead of the completely debunked and not-at-all-true "Theory of Gravity".
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Re:So you're not on FB,right?
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Re:Fuck Everything
https://www.theonion.com/fuck-everything-were-doing-five-blades-1819584036
"Hey, shaving with anything less than five blades is like scraping your beard off with a dull hatchet."
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Re:With a hefty price to match
Soon:
"Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Cameras"
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Three cameras? Why not five?
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Re:Nah
That reminds me of when the Onion did a great article the Taco Bell morning after burrito, the Contraceptimelt.
https://www.theonion.com/taco-bell-launches-new-morning-after-burrito-1819564251 -
just as you say
the Onion said it all https://www.theonion.com/it-s-...
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New superfood, good! I was tired of dog urine!
I'm so happy to hear this news. I was growing tired of drinking dog urine for its health benefits.
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Re:Exactly wrong
Apple solved this issue a LONG time ago, they're just waiting for the proper amount of courage to release it.
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Re:This is chilling...
So you trust a private for profit corporation, with it's for profit executive team and the cheapest staff they can possibly find, more than the Russia government, kinda of foolish don't you think. At least you sort of know where you stand with the Russian government, although the world has never experienced a technocracy before and it should be interesting (democratic among the technocrats, not quite so democratic for the rest, Putin and Co created it, most of the corruption was in local government and less so in state government, the Russian Federal Government was turned into a Technocracy). So what will happen the US kelptocracy vs the Russian technocracy ie short sighted greed vs short, medium and long term thinking, monopoly players vs chess masters.
I think the Russia government is on a bit of crypto hunt because of spy vs spy types and organised crime using it, hence touch crypto and they will be looking into you, the more you touch it the deeper they will look.
Social media needs to be looked at in a new way, it should never be treated as real but only as a game, fun. Make believes identities, behaviours, politics, sure you can still do social stuff with it but it should all have air of illusion, fun and fantasy, taking seriously is proving to be an extremely bad idea. Simply too many mentally ill equiped people to handle a fake true social media, mixing lies with truth in chaotic fashion, their minds are ill equipped for it. Social media needs to be denatured of it's seriousness, of it relativity, when it is all a lie, it is less harmful, as all content can be safely, mocked, derided and ridiculed all in an atmosphere of fun hyperbole, all social media should be https://www.theonion.com/. With a warning on every social media sight by law, 'IF YOU TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY YOU ARE A BLOODY IDIOT'(shh, there is a trap in there
;D). -
Re:US robots are cheaper than African workers, but
. . . African robots are cheaper than US robots.
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Re: "Nobody can misuse our data but us!"
I think you need to see this for a good laugh.
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Re:I'm more concerned about shadow profiles
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A new kind of monopoly in the making
What's different here is that Amazon is aiming to become a completely new kind of monopoly, not like the product monopolies we're familiar with, but a platform monopoly. And not just on one platform, but all of them: Online shopping, retail shopping, video streaming, cloud computing, disaster recovery, you name it, they'll eventually go after it. Also, relevant Onion article:
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Re:Depends on if anyone is allowed to bring facts
Since you brought up the onion...
https://www.theonion.com/fuck-... -
Re:Depends on if anyone is allowed to bring facts
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2018-02-14)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2017-11-05)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2017-10-02)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2017-05-17)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2015-12-03)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2015-10-01)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2015-06-17)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2014-05-27)I could continue, but I think most people get the point.
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Re:Depends on if anyone is allowed to bring facts
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2018-02-14)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2017-11-05)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2017-10-02)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2017-05-17)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2015-12-03)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2015-10-01)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2015-06-17)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2014-05-27)I could continue, but I think most people get the point.
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Re:Depends on if anyone is allowed to bring facts
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2018-02-14)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2017-11-05)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2017-10-02)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2017-05-17)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2015-12-03)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2015-10-01)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2015-06-17)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2014-05-27)I could continue, but I think most people get the point.
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Re:Depends on if anyone is allowed to bring facts
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2018-02-14)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2017-11-05)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2017-10-02)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2017-05-17)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2015-12-03)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2015-10-01)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2015-06-17)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2014-05-27)I could continue, but I think most people get the point.
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Re:Depends on if anyone is allowed to bring facts
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2018-02-14)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2017-11-05)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2017-10-02)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2017-05-17)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2015-12-03)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2015-10-01)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2015-06-17)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2014-05-27)I could continue, but I think most people get the point.
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Re:Depends on if anyone is allowed to bring facts
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2018-02-14)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2017-11-05)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2017-10-02)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2017-05-17)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2015-12-03)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2015-10-01)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2015-06-17)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2014-05-27)I could continue, but I think most people get the point.
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Re:Depends on if anyone is allowed to bring facts
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2018-02-14)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2017-11-05)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2017-10-02)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2017-05-17)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2015-12-03)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2015-10-01)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2015-06-17)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2014-05-27)I could continue, but I think most people get the point.
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Re:Depends on if anyone is allowed to bring facts
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2018-02-14)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2017-11-05)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2017-10-02)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2017-05-17)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2015-12-03)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2015-10-01)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2015-06-17)
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (2014-05-27)I could continue, but I think most people get the point.
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Re:Lazy cops and FBI
The problem isn't so much gun nuts as is it constitution nuts.
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Re:#NotABot
Yes, there are school shootings and deaths throughout europe just like america.
Oh, hang on!
https://www.theonion.com/no-wa...
"Ever notice the other things people who favour gun rights tend to believe?"
Actually, yes, they tend to be left leaning and OPPOSE all that horeshit you mentioned. But hey, don't let FACTS get in the way of your nonsense.
https://www.scientificamerican...
Gun rights people don't have a greater belief in freedom, they just live in denial of the evidence around them.
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Re:Many common foods
Not as much to avoid as common noises, which might cause heart disease...
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/e...
Of course the world death rate is still at 100%:
https://www.theonion.com/world... -
Will they still be selling that stupid piece of
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The Onion Nails Why FBI Didn't Want Memo Released
FBI Warns Republican Memo Could Undermine Faith In Massive, Unaccountable Government Secret Agencies
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FBI - busted!!! Dems upset!
The FBI has been busted - running interference for Hillary!
House Intelligence memo released: What it says
* The Steele dossier formed an essential part of the initial and all three renewal FISA applications against Carter Page.
* Andrew McCabe confirmed that no FISA warrant would have been sought from the FISA Court without the Steele dossier information.
* The political origins of the Steele dossier were known to senior DOJ and FBI officials, but excluded from the FISA applications.
* DOJ official Bruce Ohr met with Steele beginning in the summer of 2016 and relayed to DOJ information about Steele's bias. Steele told Ohr that he, Steele, was desperate that Donald Trump not get elected president and was passionate about him not becoming president.
The FBI and Justice Department mounted a monthslong effort to keep the information outlined in the memo out of the House Intelligence Committee's hands. Only the threat of contempt charges and other forms of pressure forced the FBI and Justice to give up the material.
Once Intelligence Committee leaders and staff compiled some of that information into the memo, the FBI and Justice Department, supported by Capitol Hill Democrats, mounted a ferocious campaign of opposition, saying release of the memo would endanger national security and the rule of law.
Per the Onion:
FBI Warns Republican Memo Could Undermine Faith In Massive, Unaccountable Government Secret Agencies
WASHINGTON—Stressing that such an action would be highly reckless, FBI Director Christopher Wray warned Thursday that releasing the “Nunes Memo” could potentially undermine faith in the massive, unaccountable government secret agencies of the United States. “Making this memo public will almost certainly impede our ability to conduct clandestine activities operating outside any legal or judicial system on an international scale,” said Wray, noting that it was essential that mutual trust exist between the American people and the vast, mysterious cabal given free rein to use any tactics necessary to conduct surveillance on U.S. citizens or subvert religious and political groups. “If we take away the people’s faith in this shadowy monolith exempt from any consequences, all that’s left is an extensive network of rogue, unelected intelligence officers carrying out extrajudicial missions for a variety of subjective, and occasionally personal, reasons.” At press time, Wray confirmed the massive, unaccountable government secret agencies were unaware of any wrongdoing for violating constitutional rights.
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Did BeauHD slip? This isn't RUSSIA'S!!!! fault?!?
I'm surprised BeauHD didn't find a way to pin the very existence of Flash on RUSSIA! RUSSIA! RUSSIA!
Oh, yeah, this is The Onion's take on the Nunes memo:
FBI Warns Republican Memo Could Undermine Faith In Massive, Unaccountable Government Secret Agencies
WASHINGTON—Stressing that such an action would be highly reckless, FBI Director Christopher Wray warned Thursday that releasing the “Nunes Memo” could potentially undermine faith in the massive, unaccountable government secret agencies of the United States. “Making this memo public will almost certainly impede our ability to conduct clandestine activities operating outside any legal or judicial system on an international scale,” said Wray, noting that it was essential that mutual trust exist between the American people and the vast, mysterious cabal given free rein to use any tactics necessary to conduct surveillance on U.S. citizens or subvert religious and political groups. “If we take away the people’s faith in this shadowy monolith exempt from any consequences, all that’s left is an extensive network of rogue, unelected intelligence officers carrying out extrajudicial missions for a variety of subjective, and occasionally personal, reasons.” At press time, Wray confirmed the massive, unaccountable government secret agencies were unaware of any wrongdoing for violating constitutional rights.
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Re:There's more to it than that.
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Zombie teens
Brain-Dead Teen, Only Capable Of Rolling Eyes And Texting, To Be Euthanized:
https://www.theonion.com/brain... -
Pretend Internet Money
In almost twenty years old news, but relevant nevertheless, blairwitchproject.com is expected to acquire General Motors.
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Re:Trump, as dumb as his supporters
and thus Trump is totally innocent of any collusion with the Russians
You're being sarcastic, but the fact that many of the Dems that have been screaming the loudest that Trump is a Putin Puppet just voted to give him god-like surveillance powers. Which means they either want Putin to be able to spy on Americans, or they've been completely and utterly full of shit on Russiagate from the beginning.
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The Onion
The Onion called it in December Bitcoin Plunge Reveals Possible Vulnerabilities In Crazy Imaginary Internet Money
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Le Telephon-Photographique
The French already have a word for this device, dating back to novelist Jules Verne -- see https://entertainment.theonion...
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Re:How convenient
Yeah it was probably the Reptilians working with the Bilderberg Group and the Clinton Foundation
Don't forget the Mafia, Teamsters, and Freemasons.
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Re:samsung
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Skeleton People!
This archaeological finding trumps them ALL. https://www.theonion.com/archa...
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Re:no way, not me anyway
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Re:Obligatory
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Re:Practical uses
It's been known to happen. Voice Of God Revealed To Be Cheney On Intercom.