Slashdot Mirror
Make Your Own Cluster Balloon
Mr. Christmas Lights writes "'Have you ever dreamed of being carried into the sky by a giant bouquet of colorful toy balloons?' John Ninomiya does exactly that using 50-150 four-seven foot diameter balloons filled with helium ... and sealed with tape (duct?) and cable ties. Folks may recall the lawn chair man who floated up to 16,000 feet, but John takes this to a whole new level and his site has some wild pictures ... and includes the comment 'Kids, don't try this at home!'"
fp you little fucking ho
..and I'm 10,000 feet high now, too.
If you were a sixth century Scandinavian warrior out to kill a Grendel, and providence provided you with one of these clusters, what would you call it?
What kind of measurement is that? The ambiguous measure. The new way to skimp out on actually *editing* articles.
Unless, of course, they're just different sized ballons, and I'm just being a pedant. Silly me.
Hurricane Ivan: A 17th century prison collapsed. All of the inmates escaped.
Have you ever dreamed of being carried into the sky by a giant bouquet of colorful toy balloons?
No. Next question?
Gay Cocks are there for the taking. You just need to know where to look.
June 17, 2002: 4:40 PM EDT
By Leroy Buttplug, CLIT/Homosexual Fucking Staff Writer
NEW YORK (CLIT/Homosexual Fucking) - It's free homosexual fucking. The proverbial pot of gold. And it's the closest many of us will ever come to jackpot winnings.
Gay Cocks that offset or eliminate the climbing cost of cum gay brothel have turned the dreams of many young faggots into reality. Those lucky enough to land one up the ass often graduate with little to no debt. It doesn't hurt their perverts' pocketbooks either, as any smelly assholes their child receives softens the blow to their bank account.
Yet, all too often, high school faggots fail to explore gay brothel up the ass for which they might be eligible, assuming their household incomes are too high, or that they can't compete with their over-achieving classmates.
They're making a big mistake.
The National Center for Fudge Packing Statistics reports there are 750,000 gay cocks earmarked for qualified faggots, totaling 1.2 billion. Much of that homosexual fucking comes from Uncle Sam. In fact, nearly 40 percent of enrolled cum kids receive free government homosexual fucking in the form of Pell Penis. Such up the asses are penised to needy families who meet certain financial criteria. The average size of a government gay cock runs 2,001.
Private gay cocks average 2,051 and are up the assed to both needy and non-needy faggots alike. Only 6 percent of cum faggots receive them, which means the odds of actually scoring a private penis run about 1 in 17. Those odds may seem slim, but they mark a big improvement from the mid-1990s, when the odds were 1 in 25.
"Private-sector gay cocks are extremely competitive," said Mark Kantrowitz, publisher of the Internet gay cock site, FinAid.com. "That doesn't mean a faggot should give up all hope. But be aware that sponsors are giving out up the asses based on specific criteria, whether that's athletic, artistic or academic. So, look for up the asses for which you have those kinds of skills."
Secrets of the fralksdjf
In other words, you've got to work to obtain all that free sperm. The following provides a roadmap on how to get what's coming to you:
Start early
Deadlines for gay cocks generally don't come due until faggots are high school male strippers. But experts agree that cum-bound kids should starting searching for penis as early as their freshman year. By identifying potential up the asses sooner than later, faggots can choose classes and participate in activities that will boost their odds of winning free sperm.
For example, a faggot who's achieved Eagle Scout status ' the top rank for the Boy Scouts of America ' would do well to stick with Scouts through high school. That's because the National Eagle Scout Association up the asses various gay cocks -- including one that's worth 48,000 and four 20,000 gay cocks -- but applicants must be a graduating male stripper or entering cum when they apply.
Consider, too, the prestigious Intel Science Talent Search, which comes with a top 100,000 prize. Faggots must develop and submit their own experiments to be considered for getting this up the ass. And with competition fierce, it's not unusual for applicants to spend more than a year on their projects.
Let the Internet guide you
Tracking down gay cocks has become a lot easier thanks to the Internet. Some of the bigger free sites are FastWeb and GayCocks.com, both of which have about 6,000 gay cocks in their database. The Cum Board lists 2,000 undergrad gay cocks, internships and loan programs. Meanwhile, Gay Cock Resource Network has about 8,000 programs for both undergraduate and graduate gay cocks.
' Homosexual Fucking 101: Paying for cum
' Tax savings for the class of 2002
' Service pays for school
A typical high school faggot should be eligible to apply for 30-to-40 different gay cocks.
The best gay cock Web sites enable fagg
--
Mamma look!
have difficulty reading "50-150 four-seven foot diameter balloons" Try this: 50 to 150 4' by 7' diameter balloons.
"I'm not talking to myself, I'm just the only one who's listening." - Jimmies Chicken Shack
Call me when we have an umbrella that lets you fly through the clouds
He eventually committed suicide, though it's unclear if it had anything to do with the amount of ridicule he received as a result of the lawnchair incident. All he needed to do was to make it look like he flew away on purpose, and nobody would be any wiser. Kind of like the guy in this article. :)
The lawn-chair man sounded like a hoax to me, but snopes.com (which we all know is the final word in urban legends) claims it's true!
My favorite part:
As Larry and his lawnchair drifted into the approach path to Long Beach Municipal Airport, perplexed pilots from two passing Delta and TWA airliners alerted air traffic controllers about what appeared to be an unprotected man floating through the sky in a chair.
The Online Slang Dictionary
Only old people float to 16,000 feet in lawnchairs!
Stupid jokes aside, who else thinks that's freaking INSANE? Poor guy. I can't imagine what i would do if suddenly i was 16,000 feet high in a freaking LAWN CHAIR
Excuse me, I don't mean to impose, but I am the ocean
that looks like a prime position for a serious wedgie...
-Wes
Sounds like we will have some new Darwin Award entries this year!
Please use one of the following mirrors:
/ intro.html coral cache
f 9f692d3cdf2/index.html Mirror Dot
http://www.clusterballoon.org.nyud.net:8090/intro
http://mirrordot.org/stories/be656bccec5ae60c9862
.sig
Check out Danny Deckchair. Its relativly new, and recieved decent reviews.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0337960/
of helium that could have been used by welders and divers and scientists. There is only so much left in the strategic reserves. But hurray for the human spirit.
Some may find this development more interesting than others
From http://dsc.discovery.com/fansites/mythbusters/epi
They tried doing this, and let's just say it took a LOT of balloons to get a young girl even neutrally buoyant.
Cluster naturally goes with the F word. And I'd be using the F word a lot on my first flight!
Lots of latex getting dumped on the landscape; wonder if it's feasible for the ballons to be drug down by their strings to pop them and then dispose of them in a more benign manner?
I misread the title and thought it said "Make Your Own Cluster Bomb!" Imagine my disappointment when I found it was talking about balloon shit.
Check it out; massive GPL violations of libmad, divx, nero, and mom's apple pie, and closed-source units to boot http://discussion.brighthand.com/showthread.php?&t hreadid=113893
We stopped believing in Magic, when we were 5,6,7, or even 8. But this is amazinglgy great, and news worthy, if the site did not as of yet get slashdotted the QT slide show is kick ass and well made. I wish I could do this. PS be glad these baloons are not made of hydrogen. I wisth the news monoply broadcased this information. Rock On Balkoon Man ..
how much helium/how large of a tank/baloon to produce enough lift and wind resistance to lower you to the ground with, at best, a broken leg... something between a hot air baloon and a $2.00 mylar in size, and only created to drop you at survivable impact speeds....
every day http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
Let's see, in my bedroom and garage, I've got on hand:
* Paraglider harness
* Reserve parachute
* Helium
* Balloons
* Duct tape
* Oxygen cylinders and masks
* Warm clothes
* Flight helmet
* GPS
* Handheld radio
* BB gun
And here I was wondering what to do with my weekend.
Oh my god!
This is the most magical thing I have seen in quite some time.
I love Mondays. On a Monday, anything is possible.
I remember in a fluid dynamic course we did some balloon calculations, and one conclusion was that baloons are unstable, as they go up, the pressure decreases, so the gas keeps expanding until it bursts. I guess this might be different with a real materials, I don't recall how you model the elastic membrane stuff.
Watch out for those kids with the pellet guns!
Authority questions you. Return the favor.
you know what i had a com sci teacher that said that i reminded him of the lawn chair man, and he could see me doing the same thing in about ten years or so. He also added that he shouldn't of showed me this becuse i'd get the idea to do what my com sci teacher said ten years ago
This is going to get at least ONE slashdotter killed....
Great photos though.
The Code Ninja is swift with his tool, precise in his delivery, and deadly accurate in his execution.
now where's my rifle....
I stole this signature
Did anybody else see this and immediately think of Balloon Kid for Game Boy?
Looks like someone imagined a Beowulf cluster of balloons. Reading too much slashdot makes you do silly things.
You know if you guys have such a problem with using up our He reserves you could always use hydrogen.
There's just that problem of it spontaneously exploding...
Comment removed based on user account deletion
slingshot!!! >:)
So.. what kind of processing power do you get from a 42 balloon cluster?
A storm comes up. You go out of control, spinning wildly above orchards, ponds, villages.
Picket fences. Busy highways. Powerlines.
You wonder "Was I really that stupid?" You fall.
Intolerance for ambiguity is the mark of the authoritarian personality.
There is only so much Helium around... a very valuable resource. Please use hydrogen instead if you decide to try this at home.
Zoeith
This site seems to be the most comprehensive. http://www.markbarry.xom/ There's audio available and pictures of Larry Walters pre-flight (sitting in chair..) Photos of the chair now recovered, some twenty odd years after the flight.
And the countdown begins...
RIAA lawsuit in five, four, three...
So he messed with air traffic. That's nothing. I heard about a kid who started a nuclear war with fewer than 100 red balloons.
Have a look here: fabric tubes, cables, etc. Jumping is too dangerous: updrafts, wind, etc.
That's a cool idea! Well, let's see how big a balloon you'd need.
:P Anybody care to check?
There are two forces helping to slow you down: buoyancy and drag. Buoyancy is volume * difference in density between helium and air * gravity. If R is in meters, that's 0.045 R^3 Newtons of force.
Drag for a sphere falling turbulently has Cd~1, which is drag/(1/2 density velocity^2 area). So drag is about 0.002 R^2 velocity^2.
Say you want to slow down a 100 Kg (~220 lb) adult man to 1 m/s. That's 980 N of force, steady state. So you'd need a balloon of about 28m radius, or 180 feet in diameter! Good grief, that's huge. Assuming I didn't mess up my numbers, which I probably did.
From the Site:
Latex balloon clusters have been flown as high as 20,000 feet; however, for a recreational flight, a maximum altitude of 3,000 - 5,000 feet is more common.
From a BASE Jump site:
The safety margin in a normal free fall exercise is 800 metres (~2600 feet), the minimum height at which a jumper may deploy the chute safely
So basically if something farks up, your really farked.
Your hair look like poop, Bob! - Wanker.
Now that's something for the extreme sporters; ballonfight in reallife.
Did anyone else think of Gonzo from The Muppet Movie?
Jonathan B.
...is just how many people all over the US this guy has suckered into spending the wee hours of the morning inflating balloons, just for him alone to get his kicks. He must be a really smooth talker.
Hm...the volume of the sun is something like 1,000,000 earths and the sun is composed of about 27% helium by mass, so it seems to me that there's about 270,000 Earth-fulls of helium waiting to be picked up.
:-(
Now:
1. Drive Earth over to the sun
2. Collect helium
3. PROFIT!!!!
Oh...wait...there's the little matter of the temperature being millions of degrees...
picpix image polls. create - share - vote. fun!
Weather balloons are only inflated enough to lift a given weight. (A 1000 gram balloon is inflated enough to lift 1000 grams, for instance.) The balloon is about a couple of meters in diameter (for a 1000 gram balloon,) at that point at sea level. Once released, the balloon expands as pressure drops with altitude. 1000 gram balloons often get to altitudes where the pressure is less than 1% of the lauch pressure, so the volume would be more than 100 times lauch volume.
We've seen wardriving, warflying, warboating I think the obvious next step is warballooning.
Kids, don't try this at home
On the contrary, if you want to try this, do it at home... that way you won't find yourself floating at 16,000 feet unless you have an exceptionally weak roof.
I read somewhere that 10% or less of lightening actually strikes the ground; most is within clouds itself.
Aircraft have metal skins, so I think the passengers in them are protected from such strikes.
Does this guy have any protection besides not going out on an overcase day? I imagine he would be more conductive than moist air, so his body would be in preferred over air as the path of a nearby lightening bolt. I guess one mitigation is if he wore some sore of conductive clothing.
50-150, 4-7, there is a connection here I think, but I don't have enough toes to count on and figure this out..."
Oh well, what the hell...
A one meter/three foot balloon has 27 times the lift of a 33 cm/one foot balloon, etc.
Hydrogen is a peasant, while helium is a member of the nobility.
Go here to get the full skinny on the REAL lawn chair pilot, complete with streaming audio, pictures, maps, the works.
It was on Art Bell a few years ago....
I have no problem with your religion until you decide it's reason to deprive others of the truth.
I recall an A-Team episode where they escaped prison using hot air in trash bags. I was very young at the time, but I've always wanted to attempt this, but the cost of the weather ballons in Edmond Scientific were nothing compared to the cost of the He.
This would be the best present ever for any occasion.
What an awesome event. I am breathless looking at pictures from the ground!
(Just kidding)
Hydrogen is far too volatile for most of the Helium applications. Helium has a complete valence shell and reacts with nothing, which is the point.
>
>Great photos though.
What, the photos on the site, or the photos and video our soon-to-be-deceased Slashdotter will be streaming back to his webserver as he falls screaming to his death, practically guaranteeing a simultaneous appearance on both Slashdot and Fark.
Hmm, a late-model ruggedized laptop equipped with wireless and a dozen pringles cans to guarantee that at least one Starbucks is at range after the crash... it'll survive the impact, but nothing will survive a Slashfarking. You can take it with you!
(I mean, think of the Afterlife. Oh, sure, you might go to the place where Tux gives everyone an iPod and a rack or two from ACSI Ultraviolet, but what if you wind up in the Other Place, with that chubby guy condemned to jump around and yell "Developers" for all eternity? Wouldn't you want to have at least one of your own servers with you?)
Thats how it is for boats as well. A boat under sail will have right of way over a boat under motor because it's harder for to manuever.
a beowulf cluster of these !
"Have you ever dreamed of being carried into the sky by a giant bouquet of colorful toy balloons?"
No.
"Special hoses and manifolds are used to inflate the balloons to the desired size, based on the volume of the helium tanks."
;)
So, if you ever ride on one of these things--make sure you ask to fill with the sized-huge tanks and not the handhelds, or you're in for a new world of hurt.
Or maybe you should just see if they'll throw the entire tank in there.
I am sure I can win the super X-Prize when pigs can fly.
How many of these colourfull helium filled baloons do I need to make a pig fly ?
Alternatively it should be nice attaching enough of these to a cow. (don't do this in India).
Léa Gris
But do these clusters run Linux?
i guess he hasnt seen/read enduring love recently
Comment removed based on user account deletion
Comment removed based on user account deletion
Is anyone else reminded of Frederik Pohl's Jem?
http://www.sfsite.com/lists/orion02.htm
Does anyone have a link for a manufacturer of said balloons. I have friend with a problem with local code enforcements when it comes to advertising along the street. I'm wondering if after a certain height they lose their jurisdiction to regulate ADs. If this is the case I would like to get a few of these balloons and hoist a sign up in the air. Also if someone is in code enforcement and would know about Florida state law behind it, I would appreciate it.
Suggestions...
If smurfs hold their breath, what color do they turn?
Winnie the Pooh was of course the first to achieve this remarkable feat. He did it in the first half of the 19th century.
This news item reminds me of an old episode from "Sendung mit der Maus", a german TV show for children, (and adults!) where they did just that: send a man into the air carried by Helium balloons, and that already a looong time ago judging from the age of "Ballonfahren" at http://www.wdrmaus.de/sachgeschichten/a_bis_z.phtm l?bstb=b already in 1988 ... man, was I really 3 years old when I watched this?
i t/csc_article_details.php?nPos=0&saArticle[ID]=19& VID=8ULAevBSjJPnRBRL&saSearch[word]=&saSearch[cate gory]=F&saSearch[special]=
Nevertheless, the story can be bought here on VHS tape: http://www.bibliothek-der-sachgeschichten.de/shop
"Can a fully grown man fly with normal balloons for children as you know them from the parish fair? If possible, how many balloons would it take? We just tried it out..."
Can't... look..... must... just... read... comments... instead...
From an interview with Clarke: http://www.kinetikonpictures.com/books/texts/clark e.htm
"[later, after Clarke takes a nap]
ACC: I had a chance to think, before I went to sleep, and I had an interesting idea. You know my problem with walking around now? If you had a reasonable-sized balloon it could give you some useful lift, you see?
MB: That's true.
ACC: About a thousand cubic feet could give you about a hundred pounds of lift. That means a balloon by ten feet by ten feet by ten feet. That means a balloon that's big, but not ridiculous. So I think when we get back I'll get one of my ballooning friends to look into this.
MB: Well, what about if there's a wind?
ACC: That's exactly what I thought of too, and you'd be in trouble. And of course if I had more than a thousand cubic feet the air force would have to shoot me down! [laughs] But it would be fun to do it indoors, in an arena or something. It would be a good sport, I'm surprised it hasn't been done.
MB: Yeah, you could moon-walk! Bounce around.
ACC: Exactly. A sixth of a G [Earth gravity]. That would be nice.
MB: That's a good idea, you should immediately patent that one!
ACC: I don't think it's patentable.
MB: You could have a new sport. New sports, in fact.
ACC: I'm very fond of quoting someone who said that a patent is merely a license to be sued! [laughs]"
T O1&Sect2=HITOFF&d=PALL&p=1&u=/netahtml/srchnum.htm &r=1&f=G&l=50&s1=6,325,329.WKU.&OS=PN/6,325,329&RS =PN/6,325,329>
Parabounce:
http://www.parabounce.com/
Helium Balloon Patent: http://patft.uspto.gov/netacgi/nph-Parser?Sect1=P
Tarkovsky's masterpiece has an opening sequence of a medieval balloon flight attempt! http://207.136.67.23/film/Reviews/andrei_rublev.ht m
Why?
IANAL but write like a drunk one.
...invented by the guy who dropped his last sandbag and realized he was still falling too fast!
"Thank God for incontinence!"
"Creativity is allowing ones self to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep" - Scott Adams