Slashdot Mirror
Tech Headlines You Won't Read in 2005
prostoalex writes "Folks at Silicon.com posted a list of tech headlines that you won't see in 2005. Read about spam volume decreasing, Sun revenues soaring, Longhorn operating system delivered on time and bug-free and other news you're unlikely to see in the papers."
Whatever happen to the (past) predictions for 2004? I don't want to know what's going to happen, I want to know what will happen. Merry Xmas!
Well, its obvious.
Slashdot is dead.
Sun revenues soaring Looks like a BLACK sun to me...
........."2005 is definitely the year for linux on the desktop!!"
- "Hear that?! The percolations are imminent! Cease your ingress!"
"Slashdot karma key indicator of future financial success"
"Microsoft to release a real operating system"
"89% of Americans think we need a C with more pluses"
To understand recursion, you must first understand recursion.
"Linux making huge inroads into the desktop market"
OK, 3G was overhyped few years back... but so the whole internet buzz was overestimated. During the last 5 years the so called 1G seriously evolved... now in some countries the 2-2.5G _is_ happening already. GPRS and bigger color display on mobile devices is out and it is usefull. Even commercial handheld devices with linux are available on the market... only the bandwidth is missing and that is called 3G and it is coming. Maybe not with stupid hype as the net boomed 5 years ago but smarter. :) and anyway.. it is way more realistic then a bugfree Longhorn on time :)
"I was wrong all those years, Bill Gates rules after all!"
150 Opening BINARY mode data connection for slashdot.sig (129323052 bytes).
Well, at least they don't have headlines about "Linux gaining marketshare on the desktop" and "OSS becoming more popular with non-techies". That's a good sign, I guess... Heh.
Treehugger? Treehugger... Treehugger!
More Software Patents Filed; SCO continues Litigation to Keep Company Afloat; Microsoft CEO Attacks Linux While Jumping Up and Down and Screaming Unintelligibly ...
Oh, wait. This was supposed to be about stories we won't hear... Nevermind.
Slashdotters Leave Mothers' Basements, Meet Women, Have Sex
If you mod me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.
Guys at SCO admit that they were wrong when they claimed that Linux kernel contains the proprietory UNIX code.
Going one step further they will start advocating Linux and the advantages of Open Source.
"Apple introduces $499 desktop" ;-)
"Intel introduces AMD64 killer"
Duke Nuke'm Forever named Game of the Year!
"The GIMP UI being better than Photoshop."
"The RIAA/MPAA will go out of business."
"Sex will be better in 2005."
Rumour has it that the cause of Emacs' new found lightweightedness has to do with the large number of CVS commits from Microsoft programmers recently.
Of course, they digitally signed the commits, so they must be trustworthy.
Game! - Where the stick is mightier than the sword!
"Slashdot Moderation will actually work."
"Slashdot will migrate to XHTML and CSS."
"Rob will start caring about the site again."
"April 2005: RedHat buys Sun..." :)
--- Grow a pair, liberals... stop letting the Republicans bully you!
I pray this isn't the start of a cascade of 'light-hearted' zero-substance articles. Not all of us are Christians, or Westerners. Let's not make this a tech news holiday.
It's easy to make anti-predictions... The sun won't explode in 2005. I won't become a millionaire... blah blah blah.
How about something challenging like predictions instead?
Study shows slashdoters get laid more often than Pandas.
"June 2005: the US Supreme Court finds the DMCA unconstitutional..."
--- Grow a pair, liberals... stop letting the Republicans bully you!
The A Team to return to our screens!
One of the most affordable carriers in the UK is 3. All their phones are 3G. They took a while to take off because at first the phones were quite bulky but now they are making serious inroads.
Most of the applications like watching a clip of today's news, cricket, etc are extra though... quite cheap at 50p a pop but can mount up quite easily.
Each of the three major BSD flavors halt development , endorse Linux
Mix the failings of Usenet with the shortcomings of the World Wide Web and the result is slashdot.
"Microsoft intergrates Firefox into OS"
/. effect no more!"
"Linus ditches Linux and takes job at Microsoft"
"Slashdot adds more features for subscribers"
"Slashdot mirrors webpages making
"Slashdot dupes no story in 2005!"
You want to know who isn't running Firefox 2.x? They spell it "definately" and "rediculous".
Slashdot slashdotted.
the top 10 tech cliches that will still be cliches in 2005!
Same thing every year, no news.
I just wasted your mod points! HA!
The HCL Call Centre in Belfast is owned by an Indian company. This headline has already happened (sort of).
It's not big, but it's clever!
"Duke Nukem Forever Release a Smashing Success!"
"SCO wins lawsuit"
"Microsoft bought-out by OSDN"
> Simple patch to Windows eliminates 99% of all risk of virus infection now and in future.
CHICAGO (Reuters Tech) - Computer scientists claim the patch, printed by Microsoft Press, can be applied anywhere but U of I Professor Stephen Molovich claims the best place to put it is, "Right on your forehead, so people can see it every morning in the mirror." The patch is an ordinary sticker with the words, "Use Firewall. Don't Install Crap. Turn on Auto-Update" on it.
The patch sells for 2 cents when bought in bulk and expects to retail at 5 cents (3 Euro cents). The Open Source community has reverse-engineered their own patches using off the shelf equipment like Avery stickers and Sharpies. OSS advocate Bruce Perens was overhead saying this about the patch, "The big question right now is whether we can get people to use GNUpatch rather than the Microsoft Press patch. It doesn't matter if it's on your arm or on your cat. If we can get people to wear it, security wins in the office and at home."
EXTRA: Slashdot now caches webpages and links to cached versions instead of linking directly.
"The television is the retina of the mind's eye" - Videodrome
A phrophecy - the South is Microsoft. The North was.... IBM, Netscape, Sun, etc.. but changes to... Google. It'll be a Microsoft vs Google world. Take your sides!
Adult acne considered sexy.
$20 computer speakers deliver rich, full sound.
Nerdfilter slashdots a site.
Buying robot dog sane move, claim psychologists.
VoIP company turns profit, plans to spend half of it to call ma with the good news.
Firefox and IE usage down as people discover this seasons new sitcoms.
MMORPG player doesn't complain about, "the grind" for once.
Mom, dad, and little sister all understand what you mean when you say, "MP3 bitrate."
New technology not applicable to pornography delivery claim computer scientists.
Burt Rutan has something nice to say about NASA.
American adults now smarter than new Treo smartphone.
Adding bold to 'MCSE' on resume got local man a job.
New open source app has easy to remember and pronouncable name.
Comment removed based on user account deletion
Many of these items sound more like desireable long-term goals rather than things that we should just throw up our hands and say will never happen. Wouldn't it be nice if spam volume decreased? Why shouldn't more tech IPOs be reasonably successful? etc.
What plausible headlines would you like to see, and what goals do we need to reach in order to see them happen?
Disclaimer: I work for a company, but I don't speak for them.
"Playboy won't support iPod photo"
Oh wait... Done already.
"From a horrible constipation to a world-wide fame - Wired excusive interview with the Goatse Man in flesh"
"Apple annouces its release schedule for the whole next year. 'We are sick and tired of all the quarreling with rumor sites, so we wanted to cut it once for good' - explains Steve Jobs"
"It was supposed to be just yet another iPod killer... but this time, the clever digital music player from XXX company really made it!"
"A-hah! I predicted it back in 1978! Columnist John Dvorak happily comments the news of Apple Computer claiming Chapter 11 bankruptcy!"
"A-hah! I predicted it back in 1998! Apple CEO Steve Jobs happily comments the news of Apple Computer getting past 5% in desktop market share"
"Pixar's latest release is a boring flop"
apple is going out of business appledeathpredictions++;
Next generation Windows Operating System Code Named Longhorn was released earlier this morning....
To think is to engineer, to engineer is to become God
Of course Long-Horn is bug free, but anything can stay bug free when it's in a "Clean Room."
But then there's the Network... the magical realm of connectivity. Longhorn will be exploited before you can type:
"Microsoft finally got it righ-*Award Medallion BIOS v8.0, An Energy Star Ally*"
"SCO provides evidence of IP infringement to the courts" "Bill Gates ranked sexiest man in the Americas" "Microsoft Longhorn to be released in December this year" "Software Engineers band together and form the Programmers Union" "Firefox loses market share." "Netcraft denies it" "Geeks admit C is a rediculously flawed and insecure language with little benefit and recommend Borland Delphi as an expert platform"
Linux expands beyond the office into the home.
Sad to say, but no matter how much you want to see that headline, it is not going to happen in 2005. A new and more secure Windows is something you might see in the headlines, however if that happens expect another headline when it gets hit by a nasty worm.
Do you care about the security of your wireless mouse?
SCO wins it's court case against IBM.
- Majority of slashdot readers agree with prominent advertising on Slashdot: Switching from Microsoft to Linux is much more expensive than upgrade"
- Climate modelers come clean and admit their models "can't see shit into the future"
- Shock survey shows slashdotters "getting it" on a regular basis.
- Novell release software properly tested and with all features implemented.
- Iraq turns into haven of peace and democratic tranquility thanks to Bush/Blair intervention.
- Israel ditto.
- Randi $1 million prize won by Sylvia Browne after successfully demonstrating power to talk to dead people.
An utterly stripped version of it probably will, but without any of the four pillars remaining, it'd be like a Beatles reunion with members of Abba taking their place.
If someone says he and his monkey have nothing to hide, they almost certainly do.
Doom movie sweeps oscars
The Rock moves on to Broadway
seems like I haven't seen that in a while
Only three things are certain; death, taxes, and apocryphal quotations - Ben Franklin.
This is what I think may happen in 2005.
1) Chinese companies will flood the market with good enough PCs for $100 or less.
2) Solaris on x86 gets a significant share of users (Thanks to the opensource plans)
3) Microsoft gets out of the Eolas case with an out-of-court settlement and makes an unsuccessful covert attempt to instigate Eolas to sue Mozilla foundation.
4) Microsoft files for insanely huge number of patents, almost all of them trivial.
5) The SCO and Microsoft EU cases continue to drag for another year.
When credit vendors are required to reimburse the victims.
http://www.consumer.gov/idtheft/
Here lies our proof of mass market acceptance of Linux in the home:
Linux as the O/S of choice for the lowest of low-end systems.
Linux installed by the techno-geek son.
WalMart sells Linux!
Four models with bottom feeder specs sold off a website and buried three layers deep. Be still my heart.
Good luck getting free home delivery or a brand-name system with a monitor and printer. The chain has yet to spend a dime marketing Linux in it's brick and motar stores.
I did. Wish I hadn't forgot to format it "code." cDc is teh best. Props go out to ALL the cultees for bringing the pain for 20 fucking years! Here's to 20 more fucking years! Ba-dap-bop-ba-baaa, I'm loving it!
Microsoft releases Windows under GPL.
first generation represents analogue mobiles (yes they did exist)
second generation is the slow digital systems (mostly GSM though other standards are in use)
third generation is high bandwidth digital communications in a new band
2.5G refers to systems that use the 2G networks and bands but provide more speed and/or services (for example HSCSD and GRPS).
here in the uk for a long time "3" was the only 3G network (though the 4 GSM networks are starting to offer 3G as well now). They compete mainly on voice call prices (ie undercutting everyone else) though they do offer video.
I think 3G is here to stay but i don't think GSM will be dissapearing any time soon.
"I don't want to know what's going to happen, I want to know what will happen."
But isn't what's going to happen the same thing as what will happen? I'm confused.
it's brick and motar stores.
"its".
"Asteroid wipes life from Earth"
Of course, headlines about climate change (I can't say that even a "New Ice Age started" headline wont happen) will happen, and probably a lot of them. And i'm pretty sure that even with all of this, the "USA approves Kyoto Protocol" (or something like that) headline will not see the light.
On the IT side, don't think a headline like "Half of Windows users switched to Linux this month" will happen, even if a "New windows widespread worm erased thousands of computers" headline do. Or some related to the end of software patents worldwide,
Maybe we should be glad they didn't have any real news to report?
SLASHDOT: news for people who can't concentrate on work or have no life at all and got tired of yelling back at the TV.
it's brick and motar stores.
"its".
"mortar".
"Apple Announces iPod to Support Ogg; Dozens Rejoice"
~Philly
"Retired Unemployed and Bitter Microsoft Bob Shoots Cute Fuzzy XP Search Puppy"
In their fucking dreams. Merry Christmas, assholes!
People in the U.S. get back their freedom.
File sharing decreases.
Oddly I don't agree that Sun will be in the red this years. I predict growth for Sun.
> The watershed mark of spam accounting for more than 50 per cent of email was passed in mid-2003
This doesn't sound right to me. I was sure that well over half of all e-mail has been spam for quite a few years now.
Does anybody have a pointer to the real info?
Gates: Longhorn 'bug free and on time'
Markets go mad for tech IPOs
Spam drops back below 50 per cent mark
Indian firm opens Middlesbrough call centre
ID cards: Government offers to waive charges...
UK police 'well resourced' in fight on cyber-crime
Brit: I really did win £10m on Dutch email lotto
Mobile giants: 3G spend worth every penny
No oddball lots on eBay this week
Sun revenues soar: Wall Street baffled
CIO now stands for 'Cherished', 'Important' and 'Odds-on for CEO'
Symantec: 'No more acquisitions'
I don't see it on the list.... so does this mean that Duke Nukem Forever will see the light of day this year?
IBM reverses course and leaves Lenovo in the dust, citing lack of quality in Chinese engineering.
Carly Fiorina fired from HP for the remark "No job is god given", replaced by the founders of HP who cancel all offshoring also citing lack of quality.
Twitter supports and protects racists - by smearing their critics with the "Hate Speech" label.
Enough said.
I guess I'm the only one not caring about the release of LongHorn. I run linux on my x86_64. Why would I run a 32-bit [crappy] OS on it instead?
Really MS should drop windows and write a POSIX compliant OS [or at least one that is closer]. That would be swell.
Tom
Someday, I'll have a real sig.
ha ha.
Tag lost or not installed.
have you seen cars teaser trailer?
that's one prediction I wouldn't be to hastfull to dismiss..
Riiiiiiight...
--Rick "If it isn't broken, take it apart and find out why."
Linux: The OS to have when you're too poor to have anything else.
The funniest part of the whole Ceciliantas saga is that the guild who leaked the photos and set it all up, edited "Allanah"'s part out, well mostly - except for two lines in the original release showing "Allanah" emoting about cleaning off Ceciliantas' "penis with [her] tongue" and "rubbing and stroking his balls".
I shudder to imagine what else "Allanah", the male masquerading as female, had to say to keep it all going. It reminds me of the Mr. Show skit where a guy, having lost a bet, has to give phone sex to his friend... which results in an argument where Bob states "You're just jealous because I'm more of a woman than you'll ever be!" I can readily imagine "Allanah" saying that.
In the end all these guys look like jerks. If you go through with an ENTIRE cybering session, earnestly and not joking during it, that sounds more like experimentation than a prank... but maybe that's just me.
1.) Mom fixes IT son's computer.
2.) Dec. 31, 2005: EA Refrains from buying any game studios this year.
3.) Bill Gates gives his money away, becomes hermit.
4.) Computer Science degree nets 21 year old graduate $200k salary.
5.) DOT COM era back in full swing.
6.) Music Industry gives green light to removal of all laws governing illegal music download.
7.) Movie Industry follows suit with movies.
8.) eMachines rated best gaming computer retailer.
9.) Beowulf clusters rapdily populating residential homes over conventional PCs.
10.) "Patent system broken", says US Gov't.
All your base are belong to Google.
-Federal programs are started to encourage open source and businesses are not allowed to charge rediculous prices for their software. All media must be available for reasonable, non-profit usage by normal people for free. Every country on earth adopts these policies. -Microsoft provides the funds for feeding, clothing and educating every suffering child around the world, and STILL has way too much money for its own good. -Any hacking that does not cause damage to a private citizen (including but not limited to loss of funds exceeding $100 and the loss of a job by forcing the company to shut down) is considered legal in the name of free exchange of information. -Script kiddies are rounded up and put through a training course to teach them how to be free-thinking, intelligent individuals capable of expressing themselves without excessive vulgarity. Once they prove that they do have brain cells enough to be helpful members of society, (I'm guessing about a 65% success rate if we can keep them away from Bad Stuff for a twenty-four hour period) we'll teach them how to actually HACK something. -1337 is adopted as the official language of government. It just seems appropriate somehow. Ah.... but I am just a dreamer...
o o ooo zero to root in two seconds
...to ensure the customer keeps upgrading from one version of the underlying platforms to the next version. The quiet fact is that most notable commercial software is not written against any framework but rather a compiled language such as C++. Frameworks are designed purely to enable the relatively unsophisticated and ensure upgrade and mainetenance revenue. Frameworks always result in additional harware being required. >>
http://www.softwareobjectz.com
"Microsoft swayed by rational debate from OSS community, adopts Ogg as new media delivery standard".
Ogg: the compression standard you need this Kwanza!
I like that longhorn being delivered on time was mentioned since Microsoft has officially said 2006 is the year for longhorns release. Of course this is slashdot so pig ignorance is acceptable as long as it's about Microsoft.
- traskjd
My blog [.net, rants, general IT]