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Tiger Woods Signs Deal To Be Apple Spokeperson

Posted by Zonk on from the take-the-tiger-by-the-tail dept.

varmittang writes "Tiger Woods has signed a long-term deal with Apple Computers as Mac OS X 'Tiger' spokesperson. He's apparently trying to align himself with the 'best brands' in each market, and Apple just seemed like the right pick." From the article: "Tiger Woods and Apple Computer is the perfect marriage, with both of us striving to be the best. With OS X, Apple is the industry innovator in operating systems and our 'Tiger+Tiger' partnership help tell the world about the benefits of using Mac OS X...Others are now following OS X's taillights, and 'Tiger+Tiger' will make it even harder for them to ever catch up."

172 comments

  1. It's too bad by Kittyflipping · · Score: 5, Funny

    the deal with Tony the Tiger didn't pan out.

    1. Re:It's too bad by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      that would have been grrrrreeeaaattt!

    2. Re:It's too bad by Striikerr · · Score: 5, Funny

      In an interesting twist, Microsoft has just inked a deal with Count Chocula to be their spokesman er spokesghoul.
      Count Chocula felt that it was a perfect fit as Microsoft likes to suck the life from its competitors and money from the pockets of the masses much like the Count sucks the blood from the living.
      "It's a great match", the Count was heard to remark while feasting upon yet another young victim, "Microsoft and I both wind up with mindless zombies, willing to do the bidding of their master". The use of the word zombie in relation to Microsoft apparently refers to the term used for computers on the internet which were compromised and under the control of someone else, typically running a Microsoft product.

    3. Re:It's too bad by mpathetiq · · Score: 1

      Oh man, so did I. Someone save me from work!

      --
      Post-rock/Ambient/Drone and other noise.
    4. Re:It's too bad by ack154 · · Score: 1

      Flamebait that if you want... but it's damn funny.

    5. Re:It's too bad by KUHurdler · · Score: 1

      Sounds about right...

      Neither one can beat their competition.

      --
      Fix Your Own TV - RiddledTV.com Avoid the Landfill
    6. Re:It's too bad by Class+Act+Dynamo · · Score: 5, Funny

      Does it strike anybody as a little strange/suspicious that the 52-year-old Count Chocula spends his time almost exclusively with preteen adolescents, enticing them with chocolate? I, for one, am worried.

      --
      My other computer is a Jacquard loom.
    7. Re:It's too bad by mbbac · · Score: 2, Funny

      Insanely Grrrrreeeaaattt!

      --

      mbbac

    8. Re:It's too bad by projectVORTEX · · Score: 1

      This would be after Dracula turned it down, citing a lack of "fresh blood" in the company and the presence of too many zombies as well thanks to Bill Gates. =)

    9. Re:It's too bad by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Will you survive being a spammer jackass?...hopefully not.

    10. Re:It's too bad by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Michael Jackson, five years younger than the count, does the same thing and hasn't had any complaints.

    11. Re:It's too bad by BaseSequence · · Score: 1

      Woods is to replace the previous OS X spokesperson, Pink, who took over from Mick Jaguar.

    12. Re:It's too bad by davidsyes · · Score: 1

      Huh, ms "Count Chocula"?... More like Count Cocula, Screwing the hell out of not only its customers and channel partners, but dumping mounds and heaps of documentation on its developers. Enters into contract agreements to reach a point of clear assessment of another's ideas, then implements as own after breaking the contract...

      Or, maybe Count FudUla? Assesses the threat potential of a competitor deserving a chance in the market, but then spews Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt (not the first, but the most prolific, effficient, and insidious) to crush the rib cages and choke off the air supply of said competitors whose prospective and actual funders, supporters, and suppliers back out in anticipation of the new "gee whiz, we can do that and integrate it well at no extra cost to your licensing pak..."

      --
      Previously: "Linux... Toward the Sunrise..." Now: "Linux... Toward the-- No, now, part of Every Sunrise"
    13. Re:It's too bad by Daktaklakpak · · Score: 1

      no no, you have you use leet-speak.
      |V|4c O$ X, 1+'Z 6R334444+!!

  2. April Fools Day... by mstrjon32 · · Score: 2, Insightful

    Now you're just not trying.

    1. Re:April Fools Day... by k_greenwood1 · · Score: 1

      Next article... Slashdot editor's realize they are beating a dying horse. Read on for the full story. APRIL FOOL'S! ...yup

  3. Right..... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    April Fools, bitches!

  4. Great news! by kamapuaa · · Score: 2, Funny

    Too bad this news isn't real (or is it???). Apple's market share could double, to an astounding 6%!

    --
    Slashdot: providing anti-social weirdos a soapbox, since 1997.
    1. Re:Great news! by PopCulture · · Score: 1

      haha.. yeah, and look at how tiger's endorsement of the Buick Roadmaster made it such a popular product ;)

      --

      Here's to finally giving Bush his exit strategy in November
    2. Re:Great news! by stilwebm · · Score: 1

      haha.. yeah, and look at how tiger's endorsement of the Buick Roadmaster made it such a popular product ;)

      Just wait until Buick unveils the Apple Special Edition Buick LeSabre. Built-in iPod, OS X based nav system and cute Apple logo trim. Think different!

  5. Go On . . . by White+Roses · · Score: 2, Funny

    Well, since I work for the "Go on, be a Tiger" company already, and I used Macs at home, I suppose this means I'd better start golfing. That way, I can get the trifecta of Tiger advertising influence.

    --
    Do not touch -Willie
    1. Re:Go On . . . by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      i used to work for that company as well (two weeks ago, actually) and i use macs at home.

      it'd be nice if they used macs at work too, instead of having email viruses flood everyone's inbox every other month or so. but i guess that's what it takes when you're in bed with a certain monopoly.

    2. Re:Go On . . . by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Only if you drive a Buick...

    3. Re:Go On . . . by Sebilrazen · · Score: 0

      I work for that company too. Well at least one of its low paying wholly owned subs.

      --
      "There are no facts, only interpretations." --Friedrich Nietzsche.
    4. Re:Go On . . . by White+Roses · · Score: 1

      Oh shit. I do. It's very old, pre-Tiger advertising, but, well, it is a Buick.

      --
      Do not touch -Willie
  6. Does this mean? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Insightful

    We will see a port of Tiger Woods PGA Tour?

  7. well, at least i had to think about this one by ack154 · · Score: 4, Interesting

    All of the others were "given" jokes. If OS X Tiger wasn't coming out VERY soon, I would have dismissed this in an instant... instead of 35 seconds. Very clever.

    1. Re:well, at least i had to think about this one by ajs · · Score: 1

      Is it a joke? I have to say, I dismissed the Gmail announcement last year as a joke for the same reasons, but clearly I was wrong.

      The article seems reasonable enough, and mentions many of the sorts of tie-ins that I might expect.

    2. Re:well, at least i had to think about this one by ack154 · · Score: 1

      RTFA. Then you'll doubt it too.

    3. Re:well, at least i had to think about this one by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Why is it on every other day of the year Slashdot stories are a couple of day behind the rest of the media? Are these stories submitted a few days in advance or did they arrive too late for last year?

      OS X Tiger rumours have been around for over a year so I guess this could be from the "save for next year bucket."

    4. Re:well, at least i had to think about this one by ajs · · Score: 1

      I did read it. That's why I refered to the various tie-in agreements and such in my OP. It sounds like a very normal PC piece. If it's an April Fools, then they forgot the first rule of April Fools structure: start with the believable, and keep moving people further and further into a fantasy. The quality of an April Fools is judged on the basis of pulling someone all the way over into fantasy so baroque that they'll smack themselves for buying it, but managing to keep them with you right up until you deliver the punch-line. If you never deliver the punch-line, then it's just generic fiction.

  8. So is it... by Xepherys2 · · Score: 1, Funny

    tiger + tiger

    -or-

    tiger^2

    I think this is important, as it's plain to see that tiger^2 would yield a much more powerful result

    1. Re:So is it... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      tiger + tiger is 2tiger... geez

    2. Re:So is it... by Masami+Eiri · · Score: 1

      Yeah, but 2tiger != tiger^2, that's tiger * tiger

    3. Re:So is it... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

      not always, in fact it can yield a decreasing result. For instance, let's set tiger to X.

      in the case that X=2

      X+X=2+2=4
      X^2=2^2=4
      equal results.

      Now let's look at the case for decreasing results

      in the case that X=1

      X+X=1+1=2
      X^2=1^2=1

      or, in the case that X=.5

      X+X=.5+.5=1
      X^2=.5^2=.25

      now, we know that apple has a 3% market share. That means that tiger=0.03. So lets figure this out.

      tiger+tiger=0.03+0.03=0.06 or 6% market share
      tiger^2=0.03^2=0.0009 or 0.09% market share

      So, obviously a tiger^2 technique would be sorely mistaken, and a tiger+tiger technique would be far superior!

    4. Re:So is it... by LanMan04 · · Score: 1

      It's obvious that tiger^tiger is the most powerful result one can yield with the two operands.

      --
      With the first link, the chain is forged.
    5. Re:So is it... by Class+Act+Dynamo · · Score: 2, Insightful

      Aha, but what if tiger = 2!

      --
      My other computer is a Jacquard loom.
    6. Re:So is it... by TheViffer · · Score: 1

      Yeah, but 2tiger != tiger^2, that's tiger * tiger

      tiger=2?

      --
      -- Knowing too much can get you killed, but knowing who knows too much can make you rich.
    7. Re:So is it... by bdcrazy · · Score: 1

      Except if tiger is between 0.0 and 1.0...

      --
      Tonights forecast: Dark. Continued dark throughout most of the evening, with some widely-scattered light towards morning
    8. Re:So is it... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Doesn't that depend on the value of tiger?

  9. But can you play Tiger Woods golf on a Mac? by CitznFish · · Score: 1

    No, I don't care either...

    --
    'mmmmmmmmm.... forbidden donut'
  10. Together We Can Get Through This by orson_of_fort_worth · · Score: 5, Funny

    Keep telling each other that "April 2nd will be here soon."

    1. Re:Together We Can Get Through This by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Ha!

      Today reminds me of an X-Files episode that was shot like a Cops show. Without the music, lighting, effects, etc., everything Mulder said made him sound like a crack pot. It was funny to see it, knowing that in all the other shows (with the music, lighting, effects) the general way it was shot made the whole story seem so plausible and believable.

      Because it's April 1st, everything seems suspect and laughable. Were the headlines run any other day, I'd believe them.

    2. Re:Together We Can Get Through This by Saeger · · Score: 2, Insightful

      Hey, at least it's not as bad as it could have been: I was fearing an entire day of "Roland Piqypail" spam articles where the joke was on us (all the way to the bank).

      --
      Power to the Peaceful
  11. Tiger+Tiger? Bah! Tiger^3! by daveschroeder · · Score: 0

    It's Tiger+Tiger+Tiger:

    Mac OS X 10.4 Tiger
    Tiger Woods[1] ...and don't forget Java 2 1.5/5.0, which will make its first appearance on Mac OS X 10.4 Tiger[2], is also codenamed Tiger!

    [1] Yes, I realize this is an April Fool's joke. Duh.
    [2] Yes, it will be an additional install. And no, Mac OS X isn't a second rate Java platform; it's just that Mac OS X isn't one of Sun's Tier 1 platforms for which it develops Java itself. Apple has no choice but to wait for certain milestones to be reached, and then essentially port various releases of Java to Mac OS X. This process takes time.

    1. Re:Tiger+Tiger? Bah! Tiger^3! by k96822 · · Score: 1

      Yeah, I figured this had to be April fools too once I saw that Apple was going to advertise their computers or something. How foolish that would be. I mean, look at how successful Amiga was because of Commodore's lack of advertising!

  12. A worthless idiot promoting a worthless product... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    That's right in line with him promoting that hideous Buick...

    Hey Tiger, quit trying to be white, no one's buying it.

  13. No! They sold their souls!! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    at first i though, you've got to be kidding me. he was the spokesperson for the company i just left, and i wanted to distance myself from them as much as i could.

    i'm so glad its april fool's day.

  14. Slashdot... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    News for Nerds..Stuff that's...not...real...

  15. Quick! Have a baby and name him LongHorn! by krunk4ever · · Score: 2, Funny

    The first one to have a baby named LongHorn will be endorsed by Microsoft and be paid millions! So if your wife (or *cough*) is pregnant and is due in several months, you might wanna reconsider naming your child robert, david, john, or something else generic like that.

    Name him LongHorn!

    --
    HD Trailers
    1. Re:Quick! Have a baby and name him LongHorn! by RailGunner · · Score: 1
      Nah, MS will just open up an Austin office, to associate themselves with the University of Texas Longhorns (who are going to get absolutely creamed by Ohio State - mark my words. Ted Ginn Jr. is unstoppable, and Troy Smith hung more yards than anyone else on Michigan..).

      If Apple truly wanted to market "Tiger" with a Tiger, I'd suggest the soon to be AL Central Division Winners... the Detroit Tigers, instead of a golfer who quite honestly has been Vijay Singh's bitch lately.

      Oh well - other than that, this April Fool's joke was actually pretty clever.

    2. Re:Quick! Have a baby and name him LongHorn! by theMerovingian · · Score: 3, Funny


      Nah, MS will just open up an Austin office, to associate themselves with the University of Texas Longhorns (who are going to get absolutely creamed by Ohio State - mark my words. Ted Ginn Jr. is unstoppable, and Troy Smith hung more yards than anyone else on Michigan..).

      I went to the University of Oklahoma, you insensitive clod!

      (we hate Texas!)

      --
      "If you think you have things under control, you're not going fast enough." --Mario Andretti
    3. Re:Quick! Have a baby and name him LongHorn! by RailGunner · · Score: 1
      You and most of my in-laws. I live in Texas, and I'm glad Bob Stoops has had Mack Brown's number, and I hope it continues. Just like the way Jim Tressel has had Lloyd Carr's number. I hate the Longhorns... almost as much as I hate U. of Michigan.

      I'd like to see OU play Ohio State. Ohio State's defense is vastly underrated - especially A.J. Hawk. Man that guy can fly to the ball. Oklahoma also has a great defense, and as far as offense - Adrian Peterson vs. Ted Ginn - two heisman candidates squaring off - that'd be a hell of a game.

    4. Re:Quick! Have a baby and name him LongHorn! by chmod+u+s · · Score: 1

      Yeah... but if you named your baby Longhorn then it would likely be born a year late, missing many features (toes, fingers, face, etc.) and the constant stream of mucous and pus issuing forth from its orifices (from battling all those diseases, er, bugs)... ick.

      Hello? Kevorkian? Do you make house calls?

    5. Re:Quick! Have a baby and name him LongHorn! by Narishma · · Score: 1

      Or more probably, Microsoft will just sue you and force you to change his/her name (besides paying them money).

      --
      Mada mada dane.
    6. Re:Quick! Have a baby and name him LongHorn! by KingJoshi · · Score: 1

      In the High School All-American game, they were both in it. And Ted Ginn Jr. got player of the game :) He also got rave reviews and many considered him the second best player out of HS, next to Peterson. Man, you got be all pumped for the season. Spring game is still 3 weeks away...

      --
      In times like these, it is helpful to remember that there have always been times like these. - Paul Harvey
  16. Golf . . . System Software? by pete-classic · · Score: 1
    Others are now following OS X's taillights, and 'Tiger+Tiger' will make it even harder for them to ever catch up.


    When I first read this it seemed like hollow marketing hype. Then I remembered Tiger's renowned driver skills.

    Man, I made myself groan with that one.

    -Peter
  17. Why do I even bother? by Esion+Modnar · · Score: 2, Insightful
    I'll come back once April First has passed. Maybe then I can believe anything anybody has reported.

    Maybe.

    --

    They say the first thing to go is your penis. Well, it's either that or your brain. I forget which...
    1. Re:Why do I even bother? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Better wait until April 3rd, I'm sure all of these articles will be duped tomorrow.

      Just kidding ... or ... wait a minute ...

    2. Re:Why do I even bother? by Scrameustache · · Score: 1

      I'll come back once April First has passed. Maybe then I can believe anything anybody has reported.

      On April Fools, the trick is finding the real stuff in a bunch of fake articles, the rest of the year, it's the other way around.

      Trust no one.

      --

      You can't take the sky from me...

    3. Re:Why do I even bother? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Wah, wah. Poor you, having to deal with people having fun one day of the year. Want a blankie?

    4. Re:Why do I even bother? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Nah. Want to sprout a third eye?

  18. Long Term? by ackthpt · · Score: 1
    There's nothing Long Term about operating systems for personal computers!

    just for my trusty 360/40 here keeping the house warm. man, look at that electical meter spin...

    --

    A feeling of having made the same mistake before: Deja Foobar
    1. Re:Long Term? by cosmic_0x526179 · · Score: 1

      There's nothing Long Term about operating systems for personal computers!

      just for my trusty 360/40 here keeping the house warm. man, look at that electical meter spin...

      Hmmmmm... has anyone written a 360/BAL emulator recently... maybe for PowerPC ?

      runs off and looks for my ancient copy of the P.O.O.

      --
      This msg is brought to you by the letter 'W'.. for Worthless Wuss
  19. Nothing but the best by Reality+Master+101 · · Score: 5, Funny
    He's apparently trying to align himself with the 'best brands' in each market, and Apple just seemed like the right pick.

    Yes, because we know that Buick makes the best cars in the world.

    --
    Sometimes it's best to just let stupid people be stupid.
    1. Re:Nothing but the best by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      I never post here, but this DESERVES A HEARTY

      LOL!

    2. Re:Nothing but the best by Arctic+Dragon · · Score: 1

      At least their cars have amusing names. :-)

    3. Re:Nothing but the best by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      "He's apparently trying to align himself with the 'best brands' in each market, and Apple just seemed like the right pick -"

      Don't foget that 'group of incompetence, (Thank heaven we got our name changed from Anderson Consulting in time)' --- ACCENTURE. I work for this group. Our current slogan... 'go on be a tiger'. Current way to transform an industry?
      1 - Send all work to Bangalore, 2 - Reduce local work force, 3 - Hide protected partnership on lucrative engagements, 4 - profit!!!!

      Label me what I am... a disgruntled American troll.

    4. Re:Nothing but the best by hackstraw · · Score: 1

      ...we know that Buick makes the best cars in the world

      Buick doesn't make cars.

      They build excitement!

  20. What next? by niittyniemi · · Score: 1


    Microsoft to partner with Krusty the Clown?

    --
    The Machine stops.
    1. Re:What next? by tbone1 · · Score: 1
      • Microsoft to partner with Krusty the Clown?
      More like George Steinbrenner ...

      --

      The Independent: Reverend Spooner Arrested in Friar Tuck Incident - ISIHAC, Historical Headlines
    2. Re:What next? by Shadow+Wrought · · Score: 1

      Unfortunately he was just signed by SCO after their deal with Snake fell through. Snake's parting words were "Yoink" and "Bye!" In good news, however, Microsoft did sign Clancy Wiggums to oversee their new user privacy and security division.

      --
      If brevity is the soul of wit, then how does one explain Twitter?
  21. doesn't it suck when... by xutopia · · Score: 4, Funny
    april fools jokes are written with more professionalism than real stories?

    I can't wait till we go back to dupes and typos again.

    I hate april 1st. Worst day of the year.

    1. Re:doesn't it suck when... by The-Bus · · Score: 1
      I can't wait till we go back to dupes and typos again.


      Don't loose hope! We mite get another set of story's, regarding the Prsident soon!
      --

      Small potatoes make the steak look bigger.

  22. New Apple add available at apple.com/quicktime by bad_outlook · · Score: 1
    (a monitor showing the screen of EA's golf comes into view, onscreen a virtual Tiger Woods chips a shot off the fairway onto the green, as the ball rolls towards the hole the camera pans out and up revealing that the machine is the new Apple iMac Mini and the player of the golf game is Tiger Woods. With his trademark Nike hat and big smile he proclaims:

    [tiger woods]: The new Apple Tiger, it's Grrreeeeaaaat!!!

    bo

    --
    bad_outlook
    --
    Is this vague enough for you?
  23. Stupid April 1 by tbone1 · · Score: 1, Redundant
    Boy do I hate amateur day.

    --

    The Independent: Reverend Spooner Arrested in Friar Tuck Incident - ISIHAC, Historical Headlines
    1. Re:Stupid April 1 by MondoMor · · Score: 0

      The sad thing is that Rob and Company do better on this day. The stories are better written, there are no dupes, and Rob seems to be having fun.

      Which is an interesting change from the contempt he has for this site and his customers on most days.

      Reading Slashdot is like watching Terri Schiavo die:
      The head was dead long ago, but the body keeps flopping around imitating the life that was once there.

      Pull the tube, Rob.

  24. Multiyear deal? How? by kneecarrot · · Score: 1
    The bit that gives it away is that they signed a "multiyear deal" with Tiger Woods for a simple revision that will be replaced with another revision in far less time than multiple years.

    Ya ya... I should lighten up, I know.

    --

    I always save my last mod point to mod up a good troll. You people are too serious.

  25. Quick! Have a [d**k] and name [it] LongHorn! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    "The first one to have a baby named LongHorn will be endorsed by Microsoft and be paid millions!"

    Some guy in the Porn industry is making millions with that name.

    1. Re:Quick! Have a [d**k] and name [it] LongHorn! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Women make all the money in porn, not guys. Think about the target market...

  26. Swap Spokespersons Please by mranchovy · · Score: 1

    Tiger Woods promoting OS X and Paris Hilton promoting Linux? Could someone please hack into these two April Fools stories and swap the names? I'd much rather have Paris Hilton promoting OS X.

    --
    I am so smart!
    I am so smart!
    S-M-R-T!
    I mean S-M-A-R-T!
    1. Re:Swap Spokespersons Please by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Wouldn't it then be OS XXX?

    2. Re:Swap Spokespersons Please by Mattintosh · · Score: 1

      It would be OSeX

  27. Ooo, I found out where the real news is: by thesalodonkey · · Score: 0

    http://technocrat.net/

  28. Don't miss the byline. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    This was moderately amusing, and then I noticed the byline: the article author is none other than Sid Finch. Sid Finch has moved from into a new phase in his career. First it was French Horn, then Tibetian monk, then Baseba^H^H^H^H^SteriodBall's hotest pitching prospect, now it's journalist. Read more here

  29. Fore! by behindspace · · Score: 2, Interesting

    the only thing that I'd like to see id Tiger T-off whacking a G5 300+ yds up the fairway. followed by a few iPods, a couple of Mac Minis, and definately some of the old iMacs... Then I'd like to see the Penguin come out, shake his hand and watch them frolic into the sunset, heading off to burn Bill Gates' house down...

  30. april 1 is dumb by grub · · Score: 1


    Um. compare that picture of Woods with an Apple logo'd hat with this picture. Stupid April 1...

    --
    Trolling is a art,
  31. Best Brands? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Wonda, wonda, wonda, wonda!

  32. By Siddhartha Finch by echocharlie · · Score: 4, Informative

    It's definitely another April Fools post. Just look at the name of the author of the article, Siddhartha Finch. For those that don't know, perhaps the most famous April Fools article appeared in Sports Illustrated 20 years ago. In fact, there was an article about it today in the NY Times (free reg required; yada yada yada).

    --
    AnimeNEXT anime convention
    1. Re:By Siddhartha Finch by RichDice · · Score: 1
      How do I know that this whole Siddhartha Finch retrospective article in the New York Times isn't actually the April Fool's Day joke that's being pull on all of us?

      Cheers,
      Richard

    2. Re:By Siddhartha Finch by tamnir · · Score: 1

      Here is a reg free link to the NY Times article. Thank you New York Times Link Generator.

      --
      I code, therefore I am.
    3. Re:By Siddhartha Finch by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      The Sidd Finch story spawned a book, "The Curious Case of Sidd Finch". I still have the paperback lying around somewhere (interesting because the cover had a hole in the center of the baseball mitt).

      The general premise is that a scout finds a buddhist boy (from Nepal?) who has discovered how to throw a baseball at 160mph with pinpoint accuracy.

  33. In a moment... by Epsillon · · Score: 4, Insightful

    ...they'll post a real story and shock everyone. Seriously, /., Jokes on April fools' day are ONLY VALID UNTIL MIDDAY. Please get a frigging clue.

    Sorry, guys, but this is getting real old, real fast. Unless the whole joke is pissing your users off with fake stories so you can say "Ha! Pissed you off!"

    --
    Resistance is futile. Reactance buggers it up.
    1. Re:In a moment... by Xiaran · · Score: 1

      ...they'll post a real story and shock everyone. Seriously, /., Jokes on April fools' day are ONLY VALID UNTIL MIDDAY. Please get a frigging clue.

      In which time zone ? Im currently in British Summer Time.

    2. Re:In a moment... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Whoa..
      who pissed in your cornflakes? Settle down, man.

    3. Re:In a moment... by Epsillon · · Score: 1

      Yep, so am I. It's now 13:40 in NY, so the Eastern US should be packing this crap in about now. The Aussies still have plenty of time, though. Perhaps, another 200 years ;-)

      --
      Resistance is futile. Reactance buggers it up.
    4. Re:In a moment... by DrewCapu · · Score: 1

      Yeah. All these fake articles are a waste of time. That's why I don't even bother visiting /. on April 1.

      Oops.

  34. Aren't the April Foolsday jokes meant to stop..... by m_maximus · · Score: 2, Insightful

    after midday? Actually where I am it's April 2 already, so this is getting really annoying for me.

    --
    I have a solution but you're not going to like it. (Something I say far too forten to my boss)
  35. what you say? by poot_rootbeer · · Score: 1

    "Others are now following OS X's taillights, and 'Tiger+Tiger' will make it even harder for them to ever catch up."

    Yes, all those other companies selling operating systems for Apple computers have no chance to survive make their time NOW!

  36. April Fools? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    If this is an April Fool's joke, it's the worst ever.

    It's not outrageous or funny: it's reasonable. It's basically just a stupid lie. The kind a five year old would tell.

  37. They should have signed Paris Hilton by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    what comment

  38. Marketing by Hatechall · · Score: 2, Insightful

    "Tiger Woods and Apple Computer is the perfect marriage, with both of us striving to be the best."

    Speaking as a Business Major, it always amazes me to what levels of mindless drivel we can achieve to market a product without even the remotest feeling of embarrassment.

    1. Re:Marketing by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny
      "Tiger Woods and Apple Computer is the perfect marriage, with both of us striving to be the best."

      Speaking as a Business Major, it always amazes me to what levels of mindless drivel we can achieve to market a product without even the remotest feeling of embarrassment.

      Speaking as a human being, I am never amazed at the humorlessness and poor written English of business majors.

    2. Re:Marketing by Hatechall · · Score: 1

      Speaking as myself, I think you missed the point.

  39. tiger + tiger by to_kallon · · Score: 1

    wow! that's two tigers for the price of one!! can today get any better??

    --


    The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
    -Oscar Wilde
  40. While Horse is Dead by GeorgeVW · · Score: 1

    Do Beat Horse Until Horse is Not Dead

  41. Best Brands? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    So Accenture and Apple are the best brands????

  42. well Apple has to employ someone black eventually by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0


    but only to sweep the floors
    because it will be a cold day in hell if a black executive was elected to the board

  43. Maybe a better choice... by jokestress · · Score: 1

    Would be Siegfried & Roy?

    --
    Evil sig is livE.
    1. Re:Maybe a better choice... by alc6379 · · Score: 1

      I thought they had um, an incident while running Tiger...

      --
      I don't moderate anymore. Karma penalty for 90% fair mods? Can I mod that unfair?
  44. You're Fired. by Kewjoe · · Score: 1

    In other news, Apple has terminated the contract of the Pink Panther citing he just wasn't hip and cool anymore.

  45. Have some fun folks! by fixer007 · · Score: 1

    Why is everyone biatching about the April Fools stuff? It sure beats reading the real news out there. Have some fun and lighten up, you'll live longer.

  46. Just imagine the commercial! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Steve gives Tiger a blowjob, camera focuses on his face, then Steve goes: Grrrrreeeaaattt!

  47. In other news... by DoorFrame · · Score: 1

    In other news, famed actor Milt Longhorne has been signed up to be the spokesperson for the new Windows Longhorn operating system. Microsoft spokespeople said that Milt's popularity with the older generation would help to solidify Microsoft's place in the senior citizens' homes.

    --

    --
    RumorsDaily
  48. Tyger tyger... by BaudKarma · · Score: 1

    ...burning bright
    In the forests of the night:
    What immortal hand or eye
    Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

    --
    It's the land of the brave, and the home of the free
    Where the less you know, the better off you'll be.
  49. Can someone explain the joke by exp(pi*sqrt(163)) · · Score: 1

    I understand that when a joke is explained it isn't funny any more. That's OK, I don't mind. I just want to understand at an intellectual level why this is supposed to be funny.

    --
    Doesn't it make you feel good to know that our freedoms are protected by politicans, lawyers and journalists.
  50. Time for real news by guardian+alpha · · Score: 1

    I come here for a good taste of geek news, and although it is indeed april 1st, that doesn't mean we should scrap each and every news story. Slashdot isn't just "some place" for geeks to stand around and pat each other one the back for, but also a news source.

    How would we feel if CNN decided to spend the entire day fabricating each and every one of their stories? Credibility would go down and people would become annoyed that the station didn't choose to grow up (per say) and continue with their real job after the first joke was all said and done.

    Come on editors, get some real news so we can get back to our day to day lives and see what actually IS happeing today.

    1. Re:Time for real news by iBod · · Score: 1

      >> Slashdot isn't just "some place" for geeks to stand around and pat each other one the back...#

      You're new here, aren't you?

    2. Re:Time for real news by guardian+alpha · · Score: 1

      No, I'm not new. And that karma-gaining joke isn't either. ;)

    3. Re:Time for real news by SmokeHalo · · Score: 2, Funny
      Credibility would go down and people would become annoyed

      In other words, business as usual for Slashdot.

      Ah, but it's a slippery slope we'd be starting on, if we curtailed our April Fooling activities:
      • We'd stop getting the day off for Thanksgiving and Christmas
      • Halloween would be reduced to a mere 1-hour trick-or-treat window
      • Chicken rights advocates would rail against the sweatshop conditions as Easter approaches (much to the consternation of Egg Councils everywhere)
      • Next thing you know, we're ignoring SysAdmin Appreciation Day
      Where would it end?
      --
      I'm not good in groups. It's difficult to work in a group when you're omnipotent. - Q
    4. Re:Time for real news by iBod · · Score: 1

      >>that karma-gaining joke isn't either

      Well for once I thought it was appropriate.

      What the hell is Slashdot all about if it's not for the indulgence and mutual back-patting and self-congratulation of geeks?

      And I don't give a fuck about "karma".

    5. Re:Time for real news by guardian+alpha · · Score: 1

      It's about "News for Nerds. Stuff that matters."

      I don't care about the commentings geeks, just the stories that bring news to my attention.

  51. i know why you are so disturbed by these jokes by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    you think you can clerly distinguish btw real and fake. you think you are "really" in control of your life. there are no facts... only beliefs...

  52. Apple Hires DVD Jon by XPACT · · Score: 1

    Apple hires DVD Jon. First of April folks...:-D http://www.techtree.com/techtree/jsp/showstory.jsp ?storyid=66795/

  53. Well, obviously... by Superunknown_GP · · Score: 1

    ...they're forming a Tiger Team.

    *ducks from hail of thrown objects*

    --
    The above comment is CopyWrong (K) Erisian Entertainment. All Rights Reversed. Ewige Blumenkraft!
  54. This is getting lame now. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    April 1st and all.

    And not even a good one either. I mean common, only one of the two is well respected and liked.

  55. Best? by drix · · Score: 3, Insightful

    He's apparently trying to align himself with the 'best brands' in each market.

    Riiight, that must be what led him to endorse Buick. Not the 8-figure contract.

    --

    I think there is a world market for maybe five personal web logs.
  56. What about 10.5 Lion? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    What will Tiger Woods do when OS X 10.5 Lion comes out? Change his name or see himself relegated to the dustbin of advertising?

  57. 'Tiger+Tiger' by AtariAmarok · · Score: 1

    "Tiger+Tiger, burning bright
    A new OS, Mac addict's delight!

    --
    Don't blame Durga. I voted for Centauri.
    1. Re:'Tiger+Tiger' by TheGreatGraySkwid · · Score: 1

      Curses! Beat by three minutes!

      --
      The Humblest Mollusk on the Net
    2. Re:'Tiger+Tiger' by AtariAmarok · · Score: 1

      never worry. Just go ahead and add the next two verses that I was too lazy to think of.

      --
      Don't blame Durga. I voted for Centauri.
  58. His choice best brand is his wife by ip_freely_2000 · · Score: 1

    He picked the best one there, for sure.

    1. Re:His choice best brand is his wife by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      http://gorillamask.net/elin.shtml

      There's his wife.. not bad, not bad :)

  59. Blake fans? by TheGreatGraySkwid · · Score: 2, Funny

    Tiger + Tiger, burning bright,
    like a Photo iPod in the night,
    what graphic designer's hand or eye,
    dare pixellate thy symmetry.

    --
    The Humblest Mollusk on the Net
    1. Re:Blake fans? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Good show, but who died and left you Blake?

  60. Tiger Looking for Work by unixcorn · · Score: 1

    I guess since GM may be whacking Buick, Tiger needs to find some other product to annoy us with. Frankly, I don't know why everyone holds Tiger in such high esteem. In my opinion, he has had it way too easy since most of his golf competition are nearing retirement. Get a real job Tiger!

  61. I hate April Fool's Day by RFINN · · Score: 1

    Just once, I would like to read real news on April 1st. :/ Some joke articles are fine (I like the "10.4 Tiger renamed 10.4 Wombat" over on Ranchero), but it's starting to get old. Either that or I'm a real curmudgeon.

    --
    -- Richard Finn http://www.random-seed.com/
  62. I for one... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    ...welcome our large feline overlords.

  63. Ugh! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Awwww! Gimme a break!

    What is it with slashdot on April 1st. ?

    Most normal news papers/websites have one spoof story that is well crafted and (sometimes) actually funny.

    But here in slashworld, we get this kind-of almost autistic, semi-spastic, quasi-tourettish bunch humorless geeks trying to be "funny" and only succeeding in being boring and painfully unfunny.

    The repetition is fast and furious - and any actual humor goes over the heads of most slashdoters.

    How many BSOD jokes can you make before it's not funny?

    How many Beowulf cluster jokes can you make before it's not funny?

    How many 1.. 2.. 3.. Profit jokes can you make before it's not funny?

    IT'S NOT FUNNY!

    So give it a rest for fuck's sake!

    1. Re:Ugh! by fok · · Score: 1

      Now THAT was funny!

      --
      \m/
  64. More Zing with Singh by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Isn't Tiger on his way out? Wouldn't more Zing with Singh be a better choice?

  65. Re: tiger++; by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Apple unveils new programming language for Mac OS Tiger...tiger++;

  66. Proof this is Fake by Compulawyer · · Score: 1
    Like you need proof, but ...

    Sayeth the author:

    today we are proud to announce the immediate availability of Tiger Woods PGA TOUR® 2005 for Mac OS X 10.4 "Tiger." With Apple now bundling Tiger Woods PGA TOUR® 2005 free with every new Macintosh. . .

    Apple would NEVER allow a product announcement like this - especially so close to the next WWDC. I will grant though that using the subjects' canned press release endings at the end was a nice touch.

    --

    Laws affecting technology will always be bad until enough techies become lawyers.

  67. In related news... by EricTheGreen · · Score: 2, Funny

    Claiming tortious interference with an existing business relationship, General Mills has filed suit to block the MS-Chocula deal.

    "The Count has been an integral part of our GM team for 34 years. Any money sucking he will be doing will be into General Mills' coffers, not some two-bit meat packing company", apparently referring to the upcoming Longhorn release of Microsoft's flagship product. "We look forward to maintaining the productive relationship between the Count and worldwide youth for many years to come.", according to an unsigned press release from General Mills.

    Microsoft spokespeople had no official comment on the suit. Well-connected individuals, speaking anonymously, claimed that a contingency plan, seeking to enlist the services of Count Dracula, has already been put into effect, claiming "Microsoft can make do with pretty much any kind of sucker." One snag in the plan has been the inability of the Count's legal and marketing representatives to make contact with their client, as his last known address has been the subject of considerable debate.

    {boy,oh, boy, way too much free time today...}

  68. Doesn't Tiger keep losing?? by Newer+Guy · · Score: 1

    It seems to me that now that Tiger is LOSING all them time, him and Macintosh are the perfect partners! Two former greats, now also rans....Together.

  69. Re:It's *not* too bad by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Because today, anything can happen!

    Kellog exec joins Apple

  70. Alliteration is your friend. by Zutfen · · Score: 1

    So will Tiger(Woods) be featured praising Tiger(OSX) on Tiger(direct.com)? Of course the version of Tiger that Tiger would be selling, using Tiger's namesake would have to be...

    ouch

    My head just *twitch* Tiger *twitch* errr exploded.

    --
    I'm too lazy to enter a sig. Hey wait a second! You tricked me!
  71. Apple iThong mini (April Fool) by stefano+marese · · Score: 1

    hey guys, since it's being going on about april fools jokes i thought you might find this funny . i woke up very early after not vey much sleep. i think it was 6am or so. after a 30 minutes discussion on the phone while waking up with a coffee and being ready to get news from my agent, i saw myself being caught by this apple iThong mini story. damn fool me! ;) http://www.brandinfection.com/2005/04/01/whats-nex t-apple-computer/ greets, stefano

  72. This story is a lie! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I work for ETW, and I can confirm officially that this story is not true. This is the first time visiting this (non-)news site, and this place is ridiculous. Tiger Woods has not signed a contract with Apple. You can stop calling our offices to ask us about it. We will be looking into our legal options.

    1. Re:This story is a lie! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Dude... check your calendar.

    2. Re:This story is a lie! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Is that you Mike? It sounds like it. This is JMS here.

      I hope you do nail these idiots to the wall for publishing this false information. We've probably had a dozen reporters call our offices about this hoax. I'm getting tired of explaining that this is just a crap site that publishes complete garbage. No one should ever take the tripe posted here seriously. I can't believe the morons that run this site aren't in jail yet.

      BTW, here's the info our LA found on the owner of this garbage dump:

      VA Software Corporation (OSDN)
      46939 Bayside Parkway
      Fremont, CA 94538
      510-687-7000

  73. An April Fools joke - right by Tired+and+Emotional · · Score: 1
    Cool - an April fools joke which does not give itself away textually.

    I mean if you suspend disbelieve for a moment what part of the item as posted could not be part of an actual press release by a marketing type?

    Lets face it the way Tiger is playing right now, this would guarantee the product was at least occasionally pushed right. :-(

    --
    Squirrel!
  74. Tyger Tyger by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Fill in the rest of the damn poem yourself.

    Don't mod me, I'm a fscking anonymous coward...

  75. Tyger Tyger by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Tyger Tyger, burning bright,
    In the bunker on the right,
    What immortal hand or eye
    Could beat thy par minus three?

  76. Leaked ad copy by b1t+r0t · · Score: 1

    Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
    In the forests of the night,
    What immortal hand or eye
    Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

    In what distant deeps or skies
    Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
    On what wings dare he aspire?
    What the hand dare seize the fire?

    And what shoulder, and what art,
    Could twist the sinews of thy heart,
    And when thy heart began to beat,
    What dread hand? and what dread feet?

    What the hammer? what the chain?
    In what furnace was thy brain?
    What the anvil? what dread grasp
    Dare its deadly terrors clasp?

    When the stars threw down their spears,
    And water'd heaven with their tears,
    Did he smile his work to see?
    Did he who made the Lamb make thee?

    Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
    In the forests of the night,
    What immortal hand or eye,
    Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?

    --

    --
    "Open source is good." - Steve Jobs
    "Open source is evil." - Microsoft
  77. Get Sun into the Deal Too by adavies42 · · Score: 1

    He can add Java 1.5/J2SE5.0 or whatever they're calling it this week, and that'll be Tiger+Tiger+Tiger!

    --
    Media that can be recorded and distributed can be recorded and distributed.
    -kfg
  78. All the April Fools haters by quiksan · · Score: 1

    Must have sat down on a cold toilet seat covered in KY on some April 1 in their lives...

    lighten up kids!

  79. Improper syntax by Hydrian · · Score: 1

    Would the proper syntax be "tiger++"

    --
    No good deed goes unpunished.
  80. This is great. by rice_burners_suck · · Score: 1

    This is the greatest thing to come to the Apple platform since sliced cheese. I also heard a rumor that Apple is collaborating with Tiger to create a golf came, to be included in the next version of OSX, codenamed Woods.

  81. Apple also recently signed... by Daktaklakpak · · Score: 1

    Sagat, of Street Fighter II fame, to be a new spokesperson. When asked for comment, Steve Jobs said, "Everytime he says TIGER, he shoots a fireball from his hands! Come on, how friggin' cool is that? And let's not forget about the TIIIIGEER UPPERCUT!!"

    When asked why he quit his old job under M. Bison to work for a new company, Sagat said, "M. Bison wasn't paying me enough. I didn't even have medical!"

  82. Who can afford to experience OS X? by ntilde_cr · · Score: 1
    ...tell the world about the benefits of using Mac OS X
    How the hell am I going to experience the benefits of OS X if it's impossible to buy a Mac! That's why I started my own site HelpMeGetAMac.org. Maybe some of the mac users out there might wanna help me see the benefits of the OS. I sure wanna know them, I just can't afford them!
    --
    Donate to the cause HelpMeGetAMac.org