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Man Robs Convenience Stores With Klingon "Batleth"
mnovotny writes "Colorado Springs police are looking for a man who hit two 7-Eleven convenience stores, armed with a Klingon 'Batleth' sword inspired by the Star Trek science fiction series.
They did appear more human in the original series."
only outlaws will have batleths...
He should be stripped of his land and titles.
...and trying a little too hard to break the stereotype. And it still wont land him chix0r's
is one of the Rites of Ascension. While it is inevitable that a boy becomes a man, what is not inevitable is whether a man becomes a warrior. That is, until he robs a 7-eleven.
It's not a "Batleth", it's a "Bat'leth". Without the apostrophe it just looks ridiculous.
Spelling mistakes, grammatical errors, and stupid comments are intentional.
Sooo many jokes to make!
Don't know where to start!
WWAKD (What Would A Klingon Do?)
Why is this in "Entertainment?" Is this some publicity stunt? Some TV show? No. It's a robbery. Crime. I am not entertained.
Yes, we must ban replica weapons that are only made for killing large numbers of people! Protect the children!
These "assault swords" have features like extra cutting edges, and allow the evil person using one to swing it in both directions, thereby killing more people.
The user's hands are placed a little differently than on traditional swords, meaning the user can swing with more power and hit more people at once.
They're made of cheap metal, which is more dangerous than regular steel because it's more powerful and stronger than a real sword!
And they have engravings in an unknown foreign terrorist language, which tells the user how to be deadly assassin. And there's obviously no need for engraving on a sword.
And obviously, if we ban them, they'll all magically go away, because we know that criminals who like to commit acts of violence will be scared of the law that bans their swords. Nobody will ever make one themselves, or sneak one in through the black market, and there are no legitimate uses (such as movie props and reenactments) for these weapons.
The meek may inherit the earth, but the strong shall take the stars.
Combining robbery and nerdery since '09!!!
...and I never will. I can never forgive them...for robbing my 7-11.
1 (short ton / firkin) = 89.1432354 slugs / keg
I wonder if the investigating police showed up in Enterprise Uniforms. 'This is highly illogical, Leutenant'
This is my sig. There are many like it but this one is mine.
Everybody knows the way to stop a Klingon speaking geek is by applying an atomic wedgie.
it seems that the two clerks were big enough nerds to identify the weapon as a Batleth!
Unfortunately it seems that the robber was masked so they weren't able to tell if he was a swarmy Klingon.
Some great writing in the story: "The clerk did not give him any money and the suspect transported himself out of the store"
So the suspect ummm.. "left" the store? Oh wait... "transported himself", dude got beamed up!
Does it seem surreal to anyone else that, according to the article, both clerks recognized what a Bat'leth was? Colorado Springs: where Trek nerds control all the local convenience stores. For best results, RTFA while listening to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XyhhFzE5O5U
Gamertag: WyleType
Randall: Worse than getting robbed by some f'n Star Trek geek?
Dante: I'm not even supposed to be here today!
Prisencolinensinainciusol. Ol Rait!
Both clerks described the weapon as a Star Trek Klingon type sword, called a "Batleth."
I'm not sure whether to think that since both guys knew a "Bat'leth" on sight, it indicates that geeks are more prevalent than previously thought... or that convenience store clerks tend to be geeks.
1. Buy Klingon Bat'leth
2. ????
3. Profit!
Obviously the unknown in this algorithm is "Hold up a convenience store.
Maybe it's just me, but as amusing as it is that this guy robbed two stores with this thing, it's funnier that both of the store clerks knew exactly what it was!
"The government of the United States is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion."
100 Darsek says his getaway car was a cloaked FireBird of Prey.
I was hoping to make a big impact when I start robbing stores with my lightsaber, but it looks like some trekkies stole my thunder.
The line about transporting has been removed from the article.
most times you must have said weapon sheathed if it is not sheathed it is considered that you are ARMED, htus you WILL get arrested, unless your at a trek convention then by all means ATTACK
From yesterday's local news on the BBC:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/edinburgh_and_east/7864982.stm
The police want to talk to his donkey. Afterwards, they want the donkey to shut the fuck up.
Qapla'!
No problem look for the glow of video game screens coming from mom's basement and you will find the culprit.
"Kam'cha chime CHEK!"
(If he were a TRUE Klingon, he could reply with, "You swear WELL in Klingon, human clerk...")
Previously: "Linux... Toward the Sunrise..." Now: "Linux... Toward the-- No, now, part of Every Sunrise"
Both clerks described the weapon as a Star Trek Klingon type sword, called a "Batleth."
2 out of 2 7-11 store clerks can recognize Star Trek paraphernalia. Michael Dorn should be proud.
Also:
The clerk did not give him any money and the suspect left on foot.
I wonder if this clerk would have given the money to a guy with a gun? Or a guy with a human sword? I wonder if the average bat'leh wielder is more or less desperate or murderous than the average gun/sword wielder? Perhaps the robber didn't know the proper Klingon curse words.
*he* has brought nothing but *dishonor* upon his family and himself.
his heart must not be *truly* klingon.
A better class of criminal Joker promised us.
At last someone with some style.
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
This is just more proof that they charge too much for seasons of Star Trek. Perhaps he's starting early on getting money for the blue-ray releases...
"Linux... Toward the-- No, now, part of Every Sunrise"
...and This Complete Breakfast.
oblig
I can see the panic in those people: "OMG there are 4 guys there with beards and they also have kids knives ... we are all doomed (the 100 of us)."
Bahh, heroes my ass!
will he be considered and "Ex-KAHN!"?
Sig Follows: "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself." -- Mark Twain
When asked if he had a smooth or ridged forehead, they refused to comment.
This space for rent. All reasonable inquiries will be entertained at proprietors discretion.
Turn in your geek card and spell it correctly!
And your mother has a smooth forehead!
$> man woman $> Segmentation fault. (Core dumped)
I'm rather disappointed he just wore a plain black mask and regular clothes...
The story would have sounded a lot better if he had gone in a full klingon costume.
http://spamdecoy.net - free throwaway anonymous email - avoid spam!
"Perhaps today *is* a good day to die!"
Anybody? Anobody? Bueller? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_weapons_in_Star_Trek#Bat.27leth
We don't have the technology to track his outbound transporter trail.
Every convenience store should have a few Tribbles around.
"The ferrets, they're every where I tell you!"
No Lirpa?
The mods are without honor and should be stripped of their karma and titles, face discommendation, and sent to work the mines on Rural Penthe.
Free Martian Whores!
I think there's a size limitation to knives and similar weapons.
*BEGINS CHANNELING JACK THOMPSON*
This proves that watching Star Trek makes a person violent! We must ban all Star Trek in order to protect our children and our 7-11's.
*ENDS CHANNELING JACK THOMPSON*
And now, if you'll excuse me, I need to wash out my brain... with some hydrochloric acid.
My sci-fi novel, Ghost Thief, is now available from Amazon.com.
A Fat middle-aged woman dressed as Rikku robs a crispy creme
Did you miss the part where Wikipedia is the free encyclopedia that anyone can edit?
Who has a Wikipedia account with editing rights? Anybody? Anobody? Bueller? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_weapons_in_Star_Trek#Bat.27leth
That would be you. And every other single person on the face of the planet with an internet connection. They don't even make you log in first.
You are awash in a sea of fiercely stated opinions. Obvious exits are: 'File->Quit', 'Reply', and 'Page Down'.
But it should be "Qapla'"!!
Colorless green Cthulhu waits dreaming furiously.
The saddest part is that in both robberies, the clerk recognized the weapon as not just unusual, but specifically Klingon. Geeks fer sure. Hey guys, are you on Slashdot???
$nice = $webHosting + $domainNames + $sslCerts
The other possibility (though admittedly, less likely) is that the star trek geeks are the ones who work in the 7-11; having a limited knowledge of other (earth) cultures' weapons, they saw something that wasn't a sword, and assumed it was a Batleth. If it REALLY was a batleth then I suspect it wasn't a star trek fan, but just someone who got hold of a batleth and liked it's potential as a weapon. I doubt there are many geeks so oblivious to their geekiness that they don't realise robbing a store with such an exotic and rare item might help police to track them down.
And it looks it would take a good bit of effort to "cut" a stick of butter with it:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kirpan
(Also see the legality section further down)
I'd be surprised if these got a second look pre-9/11...but these days a picture of a giant cartoon robot with a cartoon gun on your T-shirt is too dangerous to take on a plane.
"When information is power, privacy is freedom" - Jah-Wren Ryel
If someone came at me with a Bat'leth all I'd be thinking is 'Is today a good day to die?'
Conservation of angular momentum makes the world go round.
Firstly, isn't it odd that the store clerks recognized it as a Batleth? That should help reinforce the nerdy 7-11 store clerk stereotype. Seriously... how would a bank teller have described this sword?
Secondly, the choice to use the batleth was either inspired or insanely stupid. Inspired in that the batleth would draw attention to itself and away from other identifying characteristics of the robber. Insanely stupid in that... how many Colorado Springs residents own a batleth anyway? Kinda reduces the suspect list by a bunch.
We actually have a good story on Idle. Well, I guess there's a first time for everything.
There is no -1 Disagree mod. Slashdot.org/faq defines mod options. USE IT.
"Why do aliens always pop up in corn fields?"
Well, now, if Enterprise returns, they'll have to revise that history to:
"There once was an intelligence report indicating a Xindi-dispatched Klingon imitation popped up in a convenience mart. He probably had reviewed archive footage of old-fashioned advertisements with what they called a "jingle": "Oh thank Heaven for 7-Eleven", and thought he could find a Xindi contact there... But, he found Daniels working the purchasing counter."
(Damn, overworked)
Previously: "Linux... Toward the Sunrise..." Now: "Linux... Toward the-- No, now, part of Every Sunrise"
Why did he used a weapon to break-in? Was the transporter pad malfunctioning because of the non-calibrated Heisenberg compensators that were not alligned with the verteron matrix containment field? He should reversed the polarity, for crying outloud!
It's a maxim of the old west,
"Never bring a knife to a gun fight."
In other words, he's OK until he runs into a clerk with a gun.
He'll probably either get killed or arrested.
Since pain sticks weren't available for his initiation he had to settle for brain freeze.
I suppose there is one thing though. Preventing everyone from bringing on weapon-like objects disarms the terrorist to the point where they have to resort to silly match lit shoe bombs (and now we all have to submit to shoe inspection .. "No fuse - your fine, move on")
Meanwhile we all keep our fists and our brains and there many of us to few of them.
Dudes, I know. I thought the over-the-top part "with editing rights" gave it away. Next time I'll use smilies again.
4 guys with box cutters and a BOMB.
granted the bomb turned out to be a fake. Why people insist on forgetting that part is beyond me.
Not allowing the general public to carry weapons only mean criminals who get around security will have control.
The Kruger Dunning explains most post on
Back in college, I had a friend who was into the Society for Creative Anachronism thing. He got burgled one night while he was home, and sent the intruder to the hospital with wounds from a broadsword. You don't see that every day.
Apparently he was stark naked when he attacked, too. Dunno if he bothered to cover himself with woad before the battle.
Give a man a fish and you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish, and he'll say "WHERE'S MY FISH, YOU IDIOT?"
You can have my batleth,..
But I'll be damned if you try to take away my
T5 disrupter.
Cashier has no honor!
Don't thank God, thank a doctor!
If you work in a convenience store, you never ever try to stop a robbery. It doesn't matter if the guy has a gun, a Bat'leh, or an attack gerbil.
Your job is to get this guy out of your store as fast as possible with as few injuries as possible. I knew someone who worked in HR at Southland Corporation (the people who run 7-11s). They train their workers to help the robbers.
Most robbers have little idea of what they should do once they run into a convenience store and demand all of the money. The clerks are trained to not make sudden moves and to keep their hands visible.
The clerks ask the robber if they want their money in a sack and if the robber would like them to lie down behind the counter until they leave. The clerk's job at that point is to get the robber out of the store as quickly as possible.
Most of the time, there is less than $50 in the till. If someone comes in with a bat'leh, you don't know if they may also have a gun on them. You have no idea what this person might be capable of doing or whether they have a few friends outside who may try to help out if you put up a fight.
It simply isn't worth the fuss over $50. You give the money to your assailants, wish them a nice day, and hope they leave as quickly as they came.
Officers are reviewing the surveillance tapes from inside the store but Lt. David Whitlock said he does not plan to release the video or photographs "at this time."
The video will probably be on "America's Dumbest Criminals" soon, if not on YouTube.
"So I have an adress at Liberty St & Church St, can you drop me there ?"
"Sir ! Yes Sir !"
It takes 40+ muscles to frown, but only four to extend your arm and bitchslap the motherfucker
Am I the only one to notice that this is where Magic Mountain is?
"Everybody" knows that the SGC is down in the bottom of that!
So it's maybe just possible that the guy was a real Klingon, somehow spacially and literarially misplaced through some Stargate accident?
Exceeding the recommended torque is not recommended.
It was fear, not the lack of box cutters that was the problem. 100 people, even a mix of unarmed women and children, could take down only four people armed with box cutters if they were so inclined. Some might die in the process but a good number would live.
This is why if terrorist ever tried the same thing again it would likely not succeed now. Before 9/11 most similar cases were hijackings, not mass forced suicide.
I am in now way trying to say any of the 9/11 victims were cowards. However there have been cases of housewives who draw enough adrenalin to lift a car off their child. With a mindset set more on group survival rather than personal injury I can not see how 4 people with box cutters would have a chance against that many people.
"They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety" Franklin
This man clearly has no honor. If I were to meet him I would not hesitate to disembowel him.
... how do you disarm people who are trained to kill with bare hands?
Ubuntu on primary work desktop since Dapper Drake (2006).
This is actual news. Person attempting robbery is news. Police looking for person attempting robbery is extra newsworthy, because people might know something. That a Bat'leth was used makes this News for Nerds in two ways: It was neat to hear about (the idleispants way), and because nerds in the area might know someone who owns a Bat'leth and is hard up for cash, or maybe a nerd got a Bat'leth stolen from him recently and it's the same criminal (although the police might already know about that).
I like how both clerks knew exactly what type of weapon it was.
did he grab any prune juice while on the way out of the store.
I'm sorry, I was a bit confused. Somehow I thought /. was for stuff that matters. Now I will have to go Batleth crazy on your arse.
...this was a *real* Klingon trying to raise some cash to repair his Bird of Prey?
I just *knew* we would screw up our initial First Contact opportunity!!!!
As noted in your linked wikipedia reference, people check in their sgian dubh when travelling on planes even though its legal to wear one when dressed up in the full rig back home. Quite funny when you see wedding parties travelling out to USA or elsewhere checking in a dozen or more knives into a bag on the ticket counter, ready to be stashed on the flight deck for the duration.
Mind you when you rent the whole wedding outfit the sgian dubh they put in is some little plastic and tin thing that you'd have a hard time opening letters with :-)
My first reaction is that it was shot down. The small amount of official data does not rule that out. Unfortunately the investigation was blocked by splitting it into two parts and canceling the last one. So it will be a while before we find out what did go on, if ever.
Beta is broken and the link to classic doesn't work. Stop wasting our time or there won't be anybody left here.
...welcome our new Klingon overlords.
Star Wars isn't even real, man.
FRA: STFU GTFO
That someone recognized it as a Klingon Bat'leth. Who was the trekkie who recognized it? A cop?
at first glance, the headline looked like 'Man Robs Convenience Store With Klingon Breath'.
Boy, I've been accused of having bad breath in the morning, but I can't imagine how bad this guy's must have been!!
I've read about that looong time ago.
I even remember that they added wooden fins to the torpedoes which allowed their use in the shallow water.
And that the torpedo nets were referred to as crinolines.
I just couldn't for the life of me remember WHERE the battle took place. OR who was actually doing the fighting. XD
Like I said... I was... maybe 10 when I read about it.
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
Is it just me or is he holding that Bat'leth backwards in the picture?
"OK... if you can say 'Give me all your money' in Klingon, you can have it!"
I work for the Department of Redundancy Department.
You are over-reacting... We don't need to ban all replica's... we can just require that all replica's have the tips painted with day-glo orange paint so they can be quickly determined to be replicas or real...
As Worf said, those more human-looking Klingons are a branch of the Klingon genome that other Klingons do not speak of... Still, they swing a mean batleth.
My God! you're right! I'm petitioning Obama to outlaw these dangerous bags immediately! We must make our airways safe!
If video games influenced behavior the Pac Man generation would be eating pills and running away from their problems.
...it sounds much better in the original Klingon.
Confucius say, "Find worm in apple - bad. Find half a worm - worse."
The sword nerds have been heard from. After further analysis of the surveillance video, it's been determined that the weapon was not a Batleth, but a Valdris. It's not a useless two-handed sword like the Batleth, it's a large, single-handed, double-ended knife. Retails for $49. More for intimidation than actual use.
This robber isn't a Trekkie. He's a knife nut.