If ET Calls, Who Speaks For Humanity?

Re:I do. by sopssa · 2010-03-21 09:41 · Score: 3, Funny

Wouldn't this be a good slashdot poll? Maybe we should put kdawson in charge.

Just in case... by Manax · 2010-03-21 09:42 · Score: 5, Interesting

Just in case you, or someone you know turns out to be the first, everyone should read this

It's not exactly rigorous, but it gets the main points across.

--
"Why should I be content to simply live in this world, when I, as a human being, can CREATE it?" - Oertel

Re:Just in case... by Planesdragon · 2010-03-21 09:56 · Score: 5, Interesting

It's not exactly rigorous, but it gets the main points across.
It's a load of bunk. (Biggest bit: A knife fight today is the same as a knife fight 10,000 years ago. Technology advances, but only to physical limits. Oh, and not only does nobody remember the Indians that Columbus met, but most Native peoples don't date themselves as "Post-Columbian" and "Pre-Columbian.")
Anyway, if an alien shows up and decides to "make contact", they'll be in one of two situations.
1: They didn't plan it, and this is an emergency or an accident. Offer help if you can, but only if they accept it. Mostly, just stay the @#$ out of their way and try not to get killed. And for the love of god, don't kill them until they've killed one of us. (Yes, that probably means that "first contact bob" would be "first trophy bob." if they're here to hunt. Sucks to be bob.)
2; They did plan it, and made contact deliberately. It doesn't take more than a day to notice that the species creating buildings and machines and launching crap into space is sentient, and they'll learn a hell of a lot more about us by watching us for another day or two rather than picking one of us at random and watching us flail around. Greet them in your common habit and vernacular FIRST, and only resort to random flailings and scribbling on the floor if they don't respond.
Re:Just in case... by Brian+Gordon · 2010-03-21 10:18 · Score: 1

Ants and termites build cities, and beavers build dams, and we don't seem to care.
Re:Just in case... by SanityInAnarchy · 2010-03-21 10:28 · Score: 2, Interesting

"Not exactly rigorous"... it doesn't withstand two seconds of critical thought.

The aliens will be quite used to things flailing like crazy and trying to get away... They know this is what non-self-aware organisms do.
Well, except plants -- those stand still. So standing still or moving tells them nothing.

The fact that you're still alive will mean they're going to allow us to exist.
Tell that to any barnyard animal. Maybe they're not hungry yet?
I mean, I'll agree that fighting is probably futile, but you never know. We don't know how to defend against a nuke, but we do actually know about enough to visit other planets, if we were willing to expend the resources and wait the insane amonut of time.

They won't speak your language, and won't be able to mess with your thoughts.
No good reason to believe either of these. As for speaking our language, they may well have been listening to radio and watching television for decades. Certainly, if they're smart enough to figure out weapons that will obliterate us, they're smart enough to build a machine to facilitate vocal speech -- I mean, we're almost there ourselves.
And it's a lot easier to attempt verbal communication at first, if it works. If that fails, you can always try writing, or anything else.

The aliens won't know who Pythagoras was, but they'll sure as shit know his theorem.
Maybe. You'd have to study a bit to find out what parts of math are actually relevant. Technically speaking, every computer program is a mathematical expression, and thus a universal truth, but that doesn't mean they'll have discovered Windows.
So maybe they'll know the Pythagorean Theorem, or maybe they'll have arrived at it (though still true) through an entirely different method.

Since the aliens will, let's face it, probably be major math nerds...
What? Humans are major math nerds, but not all humans. There's no particular reason to assume that the people heading their expedition know any math.

They won't know the name Darwin, but they'll be familiar with natural selection.
Eh, maybe. Leaving aside the possibility that the aliens might be Creationists, they might well be at the point where natural selection isn't a driving force, and hasn't been for centuries. Thus, you're again talking about the kind of thing only an alien nerd would know, and you might not be talking to nerds.

They'll know mathematical operators, but they won't know +, -, =, etc.
They also might not know our mathematical syntax. Consider stack calculators.

Draw something like the picture on the left...
Probably, though we're again back to how we communicate with them. They may not be visual at all.
The rest of this is mostly opinion, which I mostly disagree with.

Do not tell them the universe was created for us...
Oh, I agree, but you'll want to get more sophisticated than that if you can.

Get dropped off in a major city
Only if your communication sucks at that point. You don't need actual latitude and longitude to help direct them towards wherever you actually live.

Involve the local news
After you've had your shower.

No pop culture references.
If you don't make them, someone else will.

You'll probably be killed.... you'll be the most important human on Earth, and no matter what you do, you'll be extremely controversial.... There isn't much you can do about this one, sorry.
Again depends how good your communication is at that point. Also depends if you absolutely insisted on taking all the credit yourself.
For instance, remember how ridiculously advanced the alien t

--
Don't thank God, thank a doctor!
Re:Just in case... by MichaelSmith · 2010-03-21 10:29 · Score: 3, Interesting

Duncan Lunan from ASTRA wrote a couple of books on the subject in the early 1970s and basically fleshed out the possibilities you outlined, going through various permutations, including ones where we initiate contact, either inside our own solar system or outside. It was an interesting read but don't know if the books are accessible on the web yet.

--
http://michaelsmith.id.au
Re:Just in case... by WrongSizeGlass · 2010-03-21 10:36 · Score: 1

Ants and termites build cities, and beavers build dams, and we don't seem to care.
That's because they don't build cities and damns. You show me an ant, termite or beaver who can build a damn and a city, and I'll show you something I'd like to give to the aliens.
Re:Just in case... by shadowbearer · 2010-03-21 10:48 · Score: 1

That's pretty good; also pretty funny, it's obvious they were going for the humor angle. I do like the math bit.
One caveat; any aliens that meet us here on Earth (which is where it will happen, at least for some decades, more likely centuries) will likely have been watching our radio/tv/digital output and have a pretty good idea of what is going on, if they can decode our transmissions. (I think it's likely they will be able to, any aliens with the technology to travel across interstellar space would have to have some pretty phenomenal computer technology).
I'd say it's a good possibility that when or if they arrive, they'll be able to communicate with us fairly effectively in our own languages, at least written or computer code. I doubt very much we'd be able to learn or understand theirs :)
SB

--
It's old. The more humans I meet, the more I like my cats. At least they are honest.
Re:Just in case... by Manax · 2010-03-21 10:49 · Score: 3, Interesting

I agree with your 1 or 2. But the writer's point about vast technological differences is really true, probably more-so than he realizes. And I do agree with the writer that alien contact will be such a HUGE deal to society as a whole, that it very well could be the sort of year 0 thing he suggests.

And I totally agree that they'll know we're sentient, and odds are good they'll be able to have perfect translators pretty damn quickly once they've come into contact with our radio transmissions, if they're able to fly around the galaxy...

--
"Why should I be content to simply live in this world, when I, as a human being, can CREATE it?" - Oertel
Re:Just in case... by allcoolnameswheretak · 2010-03-21 10:55 · Score: 1

Does that guide still apply if I'm confronted by a black, slimy alien with a penis for a head, two sets of mouth and alot of sharp looking teeth?
Re:Just in case... by 0xdeadbeef · 2010-03-21 11:28 · Score: 1

> "Not exactly rigorous"... it doesn't withstand two seconds of critical thought.
Are you sure? Have you tried it?
Re:Just in case... by digitig · 2010-03-21 11:38 · Score: 1

They won't speak your language, and won't be able to mess with your thoughts.
No good reason to believe either of these. As for speaking our language, they may well have been listening to radio and watching television for decades. Certainly, if they're smart enough to figure out weapons that will obliterate us, they're smart enough to build a machine to facilitate vocal speech -- I mean, we're almost there ourselves.

GP was right, then, they won't speak my language. They'll speak Chinese, or maybe Spanish. Anyway, who says they'll be talking to the humans? Maybe they'll go straight to the dolphins (or even the mice).

--
Quidnam Latine loqui modo coepi?
Re:Just in case... by Tassach · 2010-03-21 11:42 · Score: 5, Insightful

any aliens with the technology to travel across interstellar space would have to have some pretty phenomenal computer technology
The only thing safe to assume about aliens is that they will be ALIEN. As in, completely unlike us in every way. It's a mistake to terrestrialize ETs, let alone anthropomorphize them. Their concept of 'communication', let alone their culture and motivations, will likely be be so wildly different than ours as to be beyond our ability to even conceive of it. Hell, we have a hard enough time understanding and communicating with other HUMAN cultures. Aliens, especially aliens sophisticated enough to cross interstellar distances? Forget about it.

--
Why is it that the proponents of "one nation under God" are so eager to get rid of "liberty and justice for all"?
Re:Just in case... by Stormwatch · 2010-03-21 11:43 · Score: 1

Anyway, who says they'll be talking to the humans? Maybe they'll go straight to the dolphins (or even the mice).
Or humpback whales.

--
Circumcision is child abuse.
Re:Just in case... by Culture20 · 2010-03-21 11:47 · Score: 4, Funny

And I totally agree that they'll know we're sentient
"Sure, the bipeds on the third planet are merely sentient, they're not >äðûæé< . Thus, it's perfectly okay to anal-probe them; we have every right as an >äðûæé< species."
Re:Just in case... by HungryHobo · 2010-03-21 12:12 · Score: 4, Insightful

Someone mod the parent up.
Is there any particular reason an alien species would be any nicer to other species than we are to other species?
Re:Just in case... by vertinox · 2010-03-21 12:29 · Score: 2, Informative

It's a load of bunk. (Biggest bit: A knife fight today is the same as a knife fight 10,000 years ago. Technology advances, but only to physical limits. Oh, and not only does nobody remember the Indians that Columbus met, but most Native peoples don't date themselves as "Post-Columbian" and "Pre-Columbian.")
Um... No.
In fact if an Native American met a crusader knight wearing chainmail, he's have a hard time killing him with a knife.
Actually, during Columbus's time, they still wore plate armor much of the time so that might be more problematic for the native american wielding the knife.
Anways after the gun became more eligible due to advances in muzzle velocity in the 1700's, they dropped the body armor and used guns. By the 1860's the bayonet was rendered mostly useless by rifling and trenches except for the most suicidal charges and by 1914 the majority of casualties were done by machine gun and artillery fire.
Though the native american would have a hard time stabbing a US soldier these days unless he aimed for the face but chances are that he's going to be stabbed or shot first.
Which leads me to my next point... Which I whole heartily agree with... That anyone sufficient to travel more than a light year has quite a bit of technology behind them.
You might be able to stab the alien but chances are they will have nano-technology to instantly heal the wound, but chances are they are using a remote drone anyways so if you did happen to kill the alien it would not really be the alien.
And if the Aliens did exist and wanted to kill us, they could do lots of things that we could not stop:
1. Drop a rock from orbit
2. emp the entire planet burning off the ozone and let us fry to death
3. drop self replicating nano-technology that simply eats us
4. send in wave after way of robot drones just for the fun of it
Hopefully, if there are Aliens they won't simply view us as insects as something to burn off but rather treat us like sentient beings and share their technology with us or just leave us alone like a nature reserve.
Beyond that... There is nothing we can really do.
Otherwise...

--
"I am the king of the Romans, and am superior to rules of grammar!"
-Sigismund, Holy Roman Emperor (1368-1437)
Re:Just in case... by xenn · 2010-03-21 12:48 · Score: 2, Insightful

> "Not exactly rigorous"... it doesn't withstand two seconds of critical thought.
Are you sure? Have you tried it?
what are suggesting?
...that plants are sentient, or that they flail like crazy and try to get away?
Re:Just in case... by shadowbearer · 2010-03-21 13:10 · Score: 3, Insightful

I see your point, but if there are aliens who are capable of traveling across interstellar space and navigating it without computer technology of some sort, there will likely never EVER be any common ground with us to communicate thru.
We rely on our technology for communications, more and more so the more technically advanced we get. Any form of communication has to have some sort of symbolic nature, otherwise it's not communication.
Like I said elsewhere, unless they communicate via telepathy, there has to be at least some common ground, technology wise. However, just because WE can't understand THEM, doesn't mean that THEY won't be able to understand US.
At the risk of providing fodder for fruitcakes, technically they could already be living amongst us, and we'd never know they were there. I am familiar with Clarke's Law wrt advanced technology...
I think it much more likely that any aliens who would go to the trouble of trying to contact us - as a species - via a means we are familiar with would use the means of communication we are capable of detecting.
Otherwise there wouldn't be much point in attempting to do so.
SB

--
It's old. The more humans I meet, the more I like my cats. At least they are honest.
Re:Just in case... by shadowbearer · 2010-03-21 13:26 · Score: 4, Insightful

Ditto.
Let's hope that they won't judge us on that. If they do, we're pretty well screwed.
“You are capable of such wonderful dreams,and such terrible nightmares.”
Hell, we can't even treat other members of our OWN species decently, as a whole, much less other species.
Some say we're in our adolescence, I'd argue we're still in the terrible two's" stage, where, as a species, we haven't developed a learned sense of ethics...
SB

--
It's old. The more humans I meet, the more I like my cats. At least they are honest.
Re:Just in case... by VanGarrett · 2010-03-21 15:40 · Score: 1

I have to disagree on the point about explaining our evolutionary origins to them. DNA forming by accident is already a longshot as it is, and it's probably useful to consider that an alien race having no common past with us, would likely have come into being by some other means, which may be substantially more or less probable than our own path of evolution. The discussion goes a long way to emphasize that the aliens will not be familiar with concepts unique to Earth, but completely fails to remember that evolution as we understand it, is also unique to Earth. If our fate-appointed ambassador just starts drawing animals, then the aliens may very well get entirely the wrong idea.
Beyond that, it's probably best if we leave theology (and by extension, origin theories in general) out of the encounter altogether, unless they bring it up. Being technologically advanced does not preclude religious belief-- our religious organizations have a history of denying the validity of scientific discovery, but that doesn't mean the aliens' religions have done the same. Simply enough, if our fate-appointed ambassador makes some sort of implication that refutes their belief system, the result is likely to sour the whole event. Best to leave it alone.

--
Learning about brewing beer, by brewing beer.
Re:Just in case... by blacksmith_tb · 2010-03-21 16:05 · Score: 1

Well, given that they will by definition have mastered travel on scale which we have a hard time conceptualizing, I think it's not unreasonable to imagine that they won't be quite the savages we are. It's taken us the last 100,000 years to cut back on infanticide, ethnic cleansing, etc., so I'm fairly confident that by the *we* are the ones paying a visit to an exoplanet with a view, we'll be more benign, ourselves.
Re:Just in case... by RebrandSoftware · 2010-03-21 16:06 · Score: 1

Is there any particular reason an alien species would be any nicer to other species than we are to other species?
I hope that when we reach the level of intelligence necessary to travel to other inhabited worlds we will have, in the process of obtaining that intelligence, learned that we should respect other species and do everything possible to prevent suffering in all living creatures.
Re:Just in case... by Culture20 · 2010-03-21 16:12 · Score: 5, Insightful

We regularly leave our planet by use of technology and have harnessed the power of the atom?
That's not to say it's enough, but those are at least two things that would probably differentiate us quite a bit.
But if we're not 6-dimensional beings and don't *smell* the *pretty* colors, we might seem like a talking dog or a counting horse. They might be amazed by the dog (but will never consider it an equal), but they'll only be temporarily amused by the horse until they wanted to ride somewhere, make some glue, or eat horse-chops.

Strange magical physics don't even have to be in play; the aliens only have to believe that quality X is more important than intelligence (or that quality X denotes intelligence), and if we don't have it, then we're defacto non-intelligent.
Re:Just in case... by biryokumaru · 2010-03-21 16:12 · Score: 1

I don't know if you're aware of this, but our ICBMs already go into space to do what they do, and get a fix on their place in the universe based on the stars. It might not take much to make them aim outward instead of inward at that point.

--
When you're afraid to download music illegally in your own home, then the terrorists have won!
Re:Just in case... by biryokumaru · 2010-03-21 16:21 · Score: 2, Informative

DNA forming by accident is already a longshot as it is
As far as I am aware, the formation of organic life has been generally considered extremely likely since, like, the fifties. It's even been shown that organic molecules are relatively common in deep space.

--
When you're afraid to download music illegally in your own home, then the terrorists have won!
Re:Just in case... by Temujin_12 · 2010-03-21 16:53 · Score: 1

It's not exactly rigorous, but it gets the main points across.
If by "not exactly rigorous" you mean "assuming that all alien species are bigoted supremacists" then yes, it's not "exactly rigorous".
Take this tidbit:

Put your personal feelings aside here: Do not look an alien race in the eyes (eyes?) and tell them the universe was created for us. A good number of scientists believe this might be the "ultimate" cosmic IQ test: The by which all alien races measure self-awareness. Do you personally believe we were crafted by a Creator? Well suck it up for ten minutes and draw something, like above, showing an increase in complexity resulting in human being. Don't fail the cosmic citizenship test for our entire species, okay?
So let me get this right, an alien species that has managed to get their own species to work well enough together to master space travel comes to earth, picks one person, and decides to make a hasty generalization about an entire species off of their interaction with that person? Furthermore, this alien species seems intent on determining the IQ of a species based solely on whether or not any have spiritual or religious beliefs?
I know it's easy/popular to say that all religious/spiritual people are idiots or just delusional, but it's disrespectful, untrue, and generally mean-spirited. It's also easy to say that all atheists or non-religious people are heathens or sinners, but that is also disrespectful, untrue, and generally mean-spirited.
Are we really that intolerant of others beliefs or views that the thought of another sentient species who has progressed far beyond us having at least the same amount of tolerance towards others is unfathomable?
No wonder so much of humanity's potential goes largely untapped.

--
Faith is a willingness to accept something w/o complete proof and to act on it. Reason allows you to correct that faith.
Re:Just in case... by Cassius+Corodes · 2010-03-21 18:22 · Score: 1

I know it's easy/popular to say that all religious/spiritual people are idiots or just delusional, but it's disrespectful, untrue, and generally mean-spirited. It's also easy to say that all atheists or non-religious people are heathens or sinners, but that is also disrespectful, untrue, and generally mean-spirited.
That's all well except that unbelievers (incl. those of other religions) by definition of most religions are heathers and sinners, and religious folk are delusional because they believe in things that are not real. I'm all for holding hands and living in peace but that doesn't mean you should pretend to be blind to what is going on.

--
Control is an illusion, order our comforting lie. From chaos, through chaos, into chaos we fly
Re:Just in case... by Reziac · 2010-03-21 18:45 · Score: 2, Interesting

Not only that, but the next aliens that come along may believe the exact opposite, so trying to custom-craft your reactions is a mistake no matter how you plan it.

--
~REZ~ #43301. Who'd fake being me anyway?
Re:Just in case... by Reziac · 2010-03-21 18:54 · Score: 3, Interesting

3) They might be criminals, political refugees, or any other "undesirable" on the run, who see our remote backward world as a good hideout (this falls somewhere between "planned" and "seredipitous" at least for them). Maybe the scum of their species, maybe the oppressed. Maybe they'll think "Cool, suckers to exploit!" or bring down their version of the law on our heads for harbouring a fugitive.

--
~REZ~ #43301. Who'd fake being me anyway?
Re:Just in case... by slashmojo · 2010-03-21 19:22 · Score: 1

Their concept of 'communication', let alone their culture and motivations, will likely be be so wildly different than ours as to be beyond our ability to even conceive of it.
Alien communication was covered in an episode of red dwarf and involved breaking two legs, using all the toilet paper and finishing a jigsaw puzzle just to say "hello"..
Re:Just in case... by HungryHobo · 2010-03-21 20:40 · Score: 1

we haven't stopped the ethnic cleansing in even the last few decades never mind the last 100,000 years.
Re:Just in case... by HungryHobo · 2010-03-21 20:43 · Score: 1

Thing is, that's applying something personal: something an individual learns ( respect other species) to a whole species.
Groups and individuals don't act the same.
Every member of riot may know that stealing is wrong yet the rioters still manage to loot the stores nearby.
Re:Just in case... by martin-boundary · 2010-03-21 21:21 · Score: 1

Is there any particular reason an alien species would be any nicer to other species than we are to other species?

But they said they come in peace! And their highest ambition is to serve Man!
Re:Just in case... by Z3n1th · 2010-03-21 22:02 · Score: 1

Side note: make the orbit an oval, not a circle.
Why? The orbit is actually very close to a circle.
Re:Just in case... by isorox · 2010-03-21 22:06 · Score: 1

4. send in wave after way of robot drones just for the fun of it
We'd simply send in wave after wave of our own men against the drones until they hit their inbuilt kill limit.
Re:Just in case... by Hognoxious · 2010-03-21 22:33 · Score: 3, Insightful

They might be criminals, political refugees, or any other "undesirable" on the run, who see our remote backward world as a good hideout (this falls somewhere between "planned" and "seredipitous" at least for them). Maybe the scum of their species, maybe the oppressed.
So it's 1620 all over again, but this time we're all Red Indians and the pilgrims are green?
Watch out for the blankets.

--
Confucius say, "Find worm in apple - bad. Find half a worm - worse."
Re:Just in case... by Anonymous Coward · 2010-03-21 23:55 · Score: 1, Funny

Beyond that... There is nothing we can really do.
...unless we steal one of their fighter ships and go into orbit, dock with the mothership, unleach a virus using a Mac connecting it via USB to their computer system. I would say we have a fair chance of succeeding too!
Re:Just in case... by fiddley · 2010-03-22 01:36 · Score: 1

Echoing Tassachs point above, What I think everyone seems to miss in a conversation like this is that such beings would probably do not think like us at all. They may or may not have mathematics, or they may have some completely unfathomable method for describing natural phenomena. At one point amongst our species maths did not exist, then it did - a huge progression, perhaps such an advanced civilisation has discovered that there's something else which is better than maths for the purpose of describing things...? I mean even amongst ourselves, maths has gone through numerous revisions. Think Babylonian, Roman Numerals Heck the number Zero wasn't really in use until the 9th century AD... that's like a blink of an eye on a cosmological timescale... are we really so arrogant to think that we've now thought of every possible mathematical concept? Maths seems to have some shortcomings in itself... Infinity?? Pi?? These are a couple which say to me that even our best mathematics lacks a construct in which to describe apparently absurd outcomes such as these.

Electromagnetic waves as a method of communication weren't harnessed until 1886! (Thank you wikipedia!) That's only 124 years ago! Now go and draw a 'to-scale' timeline of the universe and put a mark where 124 years ago would be. Not very far from the end is it! That's our current cutting edge and so recent as to be an infantile technology. Imagine looking for aliens in 1850 or something, electromagnetic modulation would never even cross your mind, you'd be looking for lanterns in the sky or something. It's reasonable to ponder that, dependant upon their evolutionary environment, they could be using neutrinos or gravitons for the same purpose - good luck with detecting and then responding to that signal! It's my contention that there's loads more tech breakthroughs for mankind which will render electromagnetic comms obsolete, don't ask me what they are because if I'd been alive in 1850, I wouldn't have seen electromagnetism coming either. But once these breakthroughs come, we'll ditch our radio telescopes and just start assuming the aliens are using whatever comes next. Of course, it works both ways, and they may not have even noticed our electromagnetic bubble. In which case I hope we don't startle them when they stumble upon us ;)

Oblig XKCD

--
If medicine were ever perfected, we'd all be the same.
Re:Just in case... by nomorecwrd · 2010-03-22 01:42 · Score: 1

will likely have been watching our radio/tv/digital output

As far as they know we may have discover they were listening. Since we are changing our way of communicating from an easy-to-decode-analog-system to digital.
Even a not encrypted digital transmission uses compression, and coding standards that are not easy to decode when you don't have the specs or are not sure what to look for (think of an alien receiving a data stream with a movie encoded in Xvid... including all of the UDP or TCP/IP headers, etc.).
So by changing our ways to digital, we are hiding ourselves from the aliens

We should be expecting a visit from Omicron Persei 8, any time now, asking what happened at the end with "Single Female Lawyer".
Re:Just in case... by onepoint · 2010-03-22 02:11 · Score: 1

it would seem that you are thinking along the star trek guild lines, Truth is that we will not know until we meet up with them. and at that point, it would seem that we should proceed that they are dangerous until otherwise proven different.
just think on how the Spanish treated the south and central America's. Following that line of thinking, I would have to assume ( since I don't have another source of reference) that they are here to gather/take our resources. ( even the trade for New Amsterdam, was done for trade ).
I would just say "Hi, how can I help you" that would be a good start

--
if you see me, smile and say hello.
Re:Just in case... by bobvious · 2010-03-22 02:14 · Score: 1

If they speak dolphin, forget it!
Re:Just in case... by IndustrialComplex · 2010-03-22 04:22 · Score: 1

Just in case you, or someone you know turns out to be the first, everyone should read this
It's not exactly rigorous, but it gets the main points across.
I read it, and it is a load of garbage. It covers a VERY slim potential scenario in which aliens stumble across 'you' and probably not even Earth. If they knew about Earth, a few hours of observation would pretty much answer any number of the questions that the author of that pamplet was guessing the aliens would want to ask.
The whole thing reads like some nerds fantasy of getting to initiate first contact AND toss out a whole bunch of his political views at the same time. (Honestly, does he really think that you are going to go from discussing triangles to the nuances of the human belief systems in the span of a few days?). Imagine if you were dropped off with a tribe in south america. Even human-human conversation would be damned hard and take several years to accomplish if you really worked at it. If he thinks that the communication gap is as large as he describes it, you aren't going to go from triangles and binary to even 'Hello' anytime soon. (Figure out how to describe Hello to an octopus if you want a similar challenge)
There are two ways in which First Contact is going to happen: They find us, or we find them. If we find them, there is no telling what technological gap is going to occur (We could be ET to them for all we know.) And if they find us... well
You don't see sane people accidentally starting discussions with beavers, ants or bees because they confused them for sapience. There is a 'slight' gap between instinctual organized behavior and launching rockets into space.

--
Out of modpoints but really liked a post? 1BDkF6TtmmeZ3yqXbz9yhdYVqRYnwFoXDj
Re:Just in case... by decep · 2010-03-22 04:56 · Score: 1

To quote the animated President Truman:
"If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed. If you're here to make war, we surrender."
Re:Just in case... by Reziac · 2010-03-22 05:09 · Score: 1

Pretty much, regardless of why they're clear out here in the middle of bumfuck nullspace -- remember, Sol system is way the hell out in the middle of nowhere, as the galaxy goes. So we're not going to get mainstream travellers regardless.

--
~REZ~ #43301. Who'd fake being me anyway?
Re:Just in case... by hawkfish · 2010-03-22 05:43 · Score: 2, Interesting

Strange magical physics don't even have to be in play; the aliens only have to believe that quality X is more important than intelligence (or that quality X denotes intelligence), and if we don't have it, then we're defacto non-intelligent.
John Varley wrote some novels with this as part of the back story. The aliens felt that there were only two types of intelligence: cetaceans and a kind living in gas giants. They kicked humans off earth and left them to live like rats on the moon and other inhospitable places. In The Ophichi Hotline he even imagined us getting in contact with other species who had suffered the same fate.

--
You will not drink with us, but you would taste our steel? - Walter Matthau, The Pirates
Re:Just in case... by Hognoxious · 2010-03-22 06:09 · Score: 1

I'm a Triffid, you insensitive clod!!!!

--
Confucius say, "Find worm in apple - bad. Find half a worm - worse."
Re:Just in case... by sado196 · 2010-03-22 08:13 · Score: 1

Human: "Who are you? What can you tell us about yourselves?" Alien: Who are you? You are not Orz! We are Orz! Orz are happy *people energy* from the outside. Inside is good. So much good that Orz will always *germinate*. Can you come together with Orz for *parties*? Here is *bright* and *smooth*. The other place is *hurt* Orz too much tired for keeping together. Other place is **Frumple**. Orz are here now, but almost not yet. Soon Orz are really here! You are help Orz with *parties*. Orz looking for you, and find you. So much joy!! Now *smooth* place all the time, and after now never going back to outside. Never!!
Re:Just in case... by laejoh · 2010-03-23 01:26 · Score: 1

Beyond that... There is nothing we can really do.

You can buy a towel!
Re:Just in case... by Reziac · 2010-03-23 06:27 · Score: 1

An AC says, "In other words, s/1620/1728/ and s/Red Indians/Aborigines/"
That's sure'nuf a properly geeky way to express it :D

--
~REZ~ #43301. Who'd fake being me anyway?

Re:I do. by swuppet · 2010-03-21 09:43 · Score: 3, Funny

I suggest we let ELIZA do the talking.

Its too late. by nurb432 · 2010-03-21 09:45 · Score: 4, Insightful

Our TV broadcasts have already spoken for us, and it wasn't a good message.

--
---- Booth was a patriot ----

Re:Its too late. by Quixotic+Raindrop · 2010-03-21 10:08 · Score: 1

Just because Buckner can't properly field a grounder doesn't mean the message isn't good ...

--
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. (Einstein)
Re:Its too late. by Animaether · 2010-03-21 10:13 · Score: 3, Insightful

Our TV broadcasts have already spoken for us, and it wasn't a good message.
Isn't that in the eye of the beholder?
We're us - and though we do so with a lot of falling down and getting back up again, we generally strive to better ourselves and our fellow man all the time.
If that makes us unworthy of a casual visit, or more worthy of evaporation, by some alien civilization, so be it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6ya7ZRlrEo - "My Way", Frank Sinatra.
As it stands - we don't know -what- a particular alien civilization might enjoy... perhaps they're big fans of WW2 and want to include us in an intergalactic battle. Or maybe they just love Britney Spears and will come over to abduct all of the * Got Talent, * Idol, * Factor show people. Or maybe they'll catch one of the many talks from Stephen Hawking from old broadcasts and think it would be a jolly good time to sit down and have a chat with him via their neural interface gadgetry. So there's no point in entertaining the thought of "What Would The Aliens Do?" any more than WWJD-shirts do.. just carry on doing what we're doing for our own (planet's) good.
Re:Its too late. by dbet · 2010-03-21 10:51 · Score: 5, Insightful

Our TV broadcasts have already spoken for us, and it wasn't a good message.
I hear Single Female Lawyer has some fans.
Re:Its too late. by Crudely_Indecent · 2010-03-21 11:14 · Score: 1

That all depends on your definition of "good" and from which perspective you're classifying the message.
If they're watching old Star Trek (TOS) episodes, then they'll probably be fairly polite when they do contact us. They'd be frightened that Kirk would kick their ass and take their women. Good for us.
On the other hand, if they're watching Survivor they'll likely think we're just a step or two above primates and start planning to cleanse the planet of our species. Sure, some might be awarded immunity. Good for them.

--

"Lame" - Galaxar
Re:Its too late. by __aagmrb7289 · 2010-03-21 11:43 · Score: 1

But Everyone Loves Raymond! It says so right in the title. Surely, if the aliens LOVE our stars, we couldn't possible have a better ambassador then Raymond himself. The choice is obvious, people.
Re:Its too late. by snowgirl · 2010-03-21 12:42 · Score: 1

Our TV broadcasts have already spoken for us, and it wasn't a good message.
WE DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO SINGLE WHITE FEMALE LAWYER!!

--
WARNING! This girl exceeds the MAXIMUM SAFE standards established by the FDA for BRATTINESS
Re:Its too late. by xenn · 2010-03-21 12:51 · Score: 1

yeah, I've always wondered about that. What Would Jimi Do?
Re:Its too late. by mestar · 2010-03-21 13:44 · Score: 4, Funny

"This is ancient Earth's most foolish program! Why does Ross, the largest Friend, simply not eat the others?"
Re:Its too late. by Anarki2004 · 2010-03-21 15:10 · Score: 1

acid mostly

--
The teachers will crack any minute, purple monkey dishwasher.
Re:Its too late. by Yvanhoe · 2010-03-21 20:46 · Score: 1

It could have been worse, like having a single human the 'designated ambassador'. It would have been a politician, it would have been a bad one (such an office surely wouldn't be given to a top-notch negociator) and it would have been representative of only one country.

Really, judging our civilization by TV broadcast isn't ideal but it is far from being the worse case scenario.

--
The Wise adapts himself to the world. The Fool adapts the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the Fool.

ET Will Pick.. by wisesifu · 2010-03-21 09:45 · Score: 2, Interesting

Wouldn't ET pick the ones they wanted to initiate conversations with first? Possibly the ones less likely to point a gun at them?

Re:ET Will Pick.. by WrongSizeGlass · 2010-03-21 10:07 · Score: 1

Wouldn't ET pick the ones they wanted to initiate conversations with first? Possibly the ones less likely to point a gun at them?
What do they know?

I say we put them in the middle of a joint session of Congress. That should be enough to scare them right off the planet.
Re:ET Will Pick.. by Anonymous Coward · 2010-03-21 10:09 · Score: 1, Interesting

I was just thinking about this the other day.
If I was ET I'd pick a country with:
* Population not prone to panics or conspiracy theories, or conditioned hatred towards some other population. Middle east is out.
* Uncomplicated geopolitical position. Russia, the US, China, Pakistan etc are out.
* Good communications and a media that still believes in relaying information.
* Languages are secondary, but if a lot of people are multi lingual, that would probably help the info getting out without too much distortion.
So, that pretty much leaves Canada, some countries in Europe and Scandinavia, possibly Australia.
Re:ET Will Pick.. by melikamp · 2010-03-21 10:17 · Score: 5, Funny

Oh no no no. OBVIOUSLY, if aliens show up tomorrow, after having flown countless light years and having built a highly advanced macro-society the size of a galaxy, it is OBVIOUSLY humans who will be calling the shots. They may have bombs million times more powerful than a supernova and they may be able to derive their energy from teleporting, but surely we will be able to outsmart them, with all that we learned from Arnold movies and sitcoms.
Re:ET Will Pick.. by PopeRatzo · 2010-03-21 11:01 · Score: 4, Funny

Population not prone to panics or conspiracy theories, or conditioned hatred towards some other population.

I'm sorry, I thought they were visiting Earth.

--
You are welcome on my lawn.
Re:ET Will Pick.. by aXis100 · 2010-03-21 13:08 · Score: 1

The US should have also been excluded by your first criteria. Add most of Asia too as they can be pretty racist.
Re:ET Will Pick.. by Anonymous Coward · 2010-03-21 14:15 · Score: 1, Funny

I guess the answer to your question is: "That depends on how many tentacles they have."
Re:ET Will Pick.. by mikael_j · 2010-03-21 20:01 · Score: 2, Interesting

Likely as that may seem there is always the possibility of some other scenario, such as that depicted in The Road Not Taken where the aliens figure the humans are primitive and easily conquered only to discover that while humans may not yet have the tools for interstellar travel they are much more advanced in pretty much everything else, including warfare.

--
Greylisting is to SMTP as NAT is to IPv4

Just say yes by LoverOfJoy · 2010-03-21 09:45 · Score: 5, Funny

Just remember, when someone asks you if you're a god, you say, "YES!"

Re:Just say yes by Jon+Abbott · 2010-03-21 10:56 · Score: 1

That, and whatever you do, do not let doves fly when the aliens land!

--
Slashdot's first reaction to VMware
Re:Just say yes by shadowbearer · 2010-03-21 15:08 · Score: 1

Yeah, and then loser nukes you with a homegrown backpack mounted nuclear accelerator.
Game over, man, game over.
Godhood sucks.
SB

--
It's old. The more humans I meet, the more I like my cats. At least they are honest.

Clearly by Dachannien · 2010-03-21 09:45 · Score: 2, Funny

Jodie Foster!

Obama by quantumpineal · 2010-03-21 09:48 · Score: 1, Insightful

It would be Prez Obama, whether that's right or wrong who knows, but that's what would happen.

--
~don't feel threatened by my pineal~

Re:Obama by clarkkent09 · 2010-03-21 09:58 · Score: 3, Insightful

I think you've been watching too many movies where aliens land in the USA and act as if they don't even know that the rest of the world exists, i.e like Americans.

--
Negative moral value of force outweighs the positive value of good intentions.
Re:Obama by Chaos+Incarnate · 2010-03-21 10:06 · Score: 1

I dunno. Even the Brits think we'll make first contact, if Doctor Who is any indication. XD

--
Benford's Corollary to Clarke's Law: "Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced."
Re:Obama by Jedi+Alec · 2010-03-21 11:44 · Score: 1

Well, at least the rest of us don't have to keep a watchful eye towards the sky. We let 'merkins watch the sky, and we just check periodically if Washington and New York are still there.
Well, and Paris as well, I guess. Aliens seem to object to the phallic nature of the Eiffel tower for some reason. Either that, or it makes the deathbeam crackle just that little extra for effect.

--

People replying to my sig annoy me. That's why I change it all the time.
Re:Obama by jerkmark · 2010-03-21 12:24 · Score: 1

Well, I voted for Obama, but if we make first contact with the Ferengis, I think we should send Dick Cheney instead. That way, we won't even need a universal translator.

--
Pain is God trying to be funny. That's how out of touch It is. -- Jeff Lint
Re:Obama by Belial6 · 2010-03-21 12:49 · Score: 1

Well, in theory, each state IS supposed be able to choose it's own state government. I don't think there is anything in our system that prohibiting a state Queen...
Re:Obama by syrinx · 2010-03-22 00:30 · Score: 1

Yes there is: states can choose their own government, but it has to be a "republican" form of government. No state monarchies, sorry.
"The United States shall guarantee to every State in this Union a Republican Form of Government" - Article IV Section 4.

--
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum sonatur.
Re:Obama by Belial6 · 2010-03-22 04:23 · Score: 1

I don't think that they really wrote or intended to say that a state must be a republic. The article specifically states that a republic will be supplied to the "states". This is opposed to the 2nd amendment that specifically gives the right to bear arms to the "people". The writers of that law were aware of the difference between states and people. So, as long as the federal government gave a representative government, the requirements of that law would be met.

That being said, there would no doubt be even more of a fight of that than there is over the meaning of the the second amendment, and I am well aware that we are in no risk of some state deciding to vote in a king, emperor, or czar. (Czars are only for Feds for now.)

Too late by mmcxii · 2010-03-21 09:48 · Score: 1

Any intelligence observing us will already have decided the bulk of what they need to by the time they bother to have a conversation with us.

I'm sure they've seen enough of our massive political systems to know that honesty is a dead virtue among the vast majority of right and powerful.

Re:Too late by zappepcs · 2010-03-21 10:09 · Score: 1

Perhaps ET will dress appropriately and drop himself in some backwater region and take up handyman work while talking to various local groups about stars and galaxies and destiny etc. if ET shows up, voluntarily or by force of accident.
It's just as likely that ET will have seen our broadcasts and decided this is not really the kind of neighborhood that they want to live in, never mind an occasional visit. Just the same, given mankind's penchant for xenophobia it's more likely than not that any ET who actually does visit will talk to the wrong person first. Many of us believe that wrong person will come from the very groups that claim the right to be the first person on the basis of national security.
ET may have already been here but was dismissed as the effects of salmonella or drugs creating a hallucination.
Whatever the case, there is a much higher probability that ET will not be happy with the local inhabitants on arrival than the probability that ET will arrive with a basket of goodies and a card welcoming Earth to the neighborhood.

--
Support NYCountryLawyer RIAA vs People

obviously by oliverthered · 2010-03-21 09:48 · Score: 3, Funny

if et calls we should great them with the communication of the other animals on the planet (well some of them),first. Before grating them ourselfs.

this would show them that we can appreciate the communication of other life forms, and even put that communication before the communication of ourselfs.

If we are to communicate we need to demonstrate empathy, since the only thing we know about them is that they can communicate, empathy via appreciation of the communication of other life forms on our own planet may demonstrate we can empathize with them.

This should reduce fear and hostility towards us, and aid in good relations. in respect they may attempt to empathise with us a little more.

--
thank God the internet isn't a human right.

Re:obviously by EdIII · 2010-03-21 10:02 · Score: 1

Dear God man, they're aliens, not hippies or PETA members. A good firm handshake and slap on the back. Sheesh.
Re:obviously by oliverthered · 2010-03-21 10:10 · Score: 1

wouldn't you smile before a good firm handshake and slap on the back.

--
thank God the internet isn't a human right.
Re:obviously by oliverthered · 2010-03-21 10:20 · Score: 1

for those of you who aren't autistic spectrum.
a smile make you appear friendly, being friendly is appreciating and empathizing.
a smile show this because it induces a sense of warmth and pleasure in someone else.
it demonstrates appreciation though empathy.
you may or may not have relised that (EDIII seemed to over look it), but try it next time your on a date, or going for a job.

--
thank God the internet isn't a human right.
Re:obviously by drinkypoo · 2010-03-21 10:25 · Score: 1, Insightful

wouldn't you smile before a good firm handshake and slap on the back.
Oh yeah, bear your teeth, seize their forelimb, then strike them between the main arm joints. That'll give them a warm reception. Or make them shit right on the landing ramp...

--
"You're right," Fisheye says. "I should have set it on 'whip' or 'chop.'"
Re:obviously by Kelbear · 2010-03-21 10:29 · Score: 4, Insightful

But in other cases, baring your teeth is a sign that you're planning to bite down on their neck.
Humans smile to relax each other. Some animals use it are a threat. We wouldn't know what showing teeth means in an alien's culture.
Re:obviously by Anonymous Coward · 2010-03-21 10:29 · Score: 1, Informative

wouldn't you smile before a good firm handshake and slap on the back.
The creature bared its teeth at me, grabbed me, and then struck me. There can be no doubt: we are at war with them.
Re:obviously by vxice · 2010-03-21 10:34 · Score: 1

but do we as a species really have empathy?

--
every anarchist is a baffled dictator. Benito_Mussolini
Re:obviously by mog007 · 2010-03-21 10:47 · Score: 1

Chimpanzee's smile as a form of aggression and warning. And they're practically our siblings as far as genetics is concerned. We're talking ALIENS here. If a smile is that radically different between two species so closely related, what the hell kind of message would it mean for an organism that's not even FROM Earth?

--
Learn something new.
Re:obviously by Maestro485 · 2010-03-21 11:42 · Score: 1

Just don't use whale communication. We all know what happens then.
Re:obviously by Tassach · 2010-03-21 11:50 · Score: 1

for those of you who aren't autistic spectrum.
a smile make you appear friendly, being friendly is appreciating and empathizing.
A smile makes you appear friendly to OTHER HUMANS. Baring your teeth to an alien could very well be interpreted a sign of aggression or who knows what. For all you know, they might communicate though pheromones and your halitosis is saying in their language "I'm going to rip out your snorklax and shove it up your frebnark".

--
Why is it that the proponents of "one nation under God" are so eager to get rid of "liberty and justice for all"?
Re:obviously by Culture20 · 2010-03-21 11:52 · Score: 1

Oh no! It's one of those ultra-gross humans again!
Quick, hide your eye!
AGGH! Look at the pulpy red thing in its mouth
how it wriggles and writhes like a wet blood worm
I think I'm going to be sick.
Re:obviously by precariousgray · 2010-03-21 11:57 · Score: 4, Insightful

I would hope that an alien species capable of something as ordinary as intergalactic travel would also have spent some time thinking this through and determined that our customs and social cues may not necessarily directly correlate to their own.

--
not much, just being forced to manually insert line breaks into my comment
Re:obviously by geekgirlandrea · 2010-03-21 14:24 · Score: 1

Stop bobbing your head like that. We VUX do not share that range of motion and it appears as though your neck is broken and you are a jabbering corpse.
Re:obviously by citizenr · 2010-03-21 20:11 · Score: 1

and after listening to whales they will decide we have some tasty animals.

--
Who logs in to gdm? Not I, said the duck.
Re:obviously by oliverthered · 2010-03-23 04:45 · Score: 1

so should we not demonstrate that we also have that understanding?
Thus relating to them?
They should be able to identify that the communication between other animals is 'culturally' different from the communication we then send of ourselves.
Maybe they killed off all the other animals on their planet a very long time ago, a little like were doing on our own?

--
thank God the internet isn't a human right.

This is a nonsense by Roark+Meets+Dent · 2010-03-21 09:49 · Score: 5, Funny

Aliens are already here and do not recognize SETI or any human government or group organization. They deal with and judge each human being on their individual merits and faults. For more information, see http://www.alliesofhumanity.org/

Re:This is a nonsense by shadowbearer · 2010-03-21 14:59 · Score: 1

Since you are so familiar with them, please tell them that they should step away from the reruns of Iron Chef and get back to work. They don't get more than fifteen minute breaks, either.
SB

--
It's old. The more humans I meet, the more I like my cats. At least they are honest.

what I'd like to know is... by aliddell · 2010-03-21 09:49 · Score: 1

..who speaks for ET?

--
What do you think, sirs?

Re:what I'd like to know is... by EdIII · 2010-03-21 10:05 · Score: 1

Drew Barrymore?
Re:what I'd like to know is... by aliddell · 2010-03-21 10:12 · Score: 2, Informative

Pat Welsh, apparently.

--
What do you think, sirs?
Re:what I'd like to know is... by oldhack · 2010-03-21 10:12 · Score: 1

SpokesET. Union rules.

--
Fuck systemd. Fuck Redhat. Fuck Soylent, too. Wait, scratch the last one.
Re:what I'd like to know is... by Culture20 · 2010-03-21 12:11 · Score: 1

..who speaks for ET?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Speak_&_Spell_(toy)

Bin Laden by Aviate-X-14 · 2010-03-21 09:51 · Score: 1

Scare them into submission before they kill us all.

--
-Aviate

Re:Bin Laden by gtall · 2010-03-21 10:17 · Score: 1

That won't work, waggling that silly finger in the air will be a dead giveaway the guy is whack-job. If you really want to scare them, how about Ronald MacDonald, he should give anyone the heebie-jeebies. But if you really want to wind them up, I vote for Alan Greenspan. One look at what he "accomplished" and they won't dare send anyone near here lest the financial contagion wipes out their entire economy. If you think quantum mechanics is weird, you ain't seen nothing like the havoc entangled econotrons can wreak.
Re:Bin Laden by Aviate-X-14 · 2010-03-21 10:29 · Score: 1

How about....Mickey Mouse!! I wonder, has anyone considered that maybe ET won't have a telephone? and if he does, then, hows the wire going to stretch from his to our planet? Skype! i hear you cry, but, then, isn't who answers in ET's hands, not ours?

--
-Aviate

Seriously.... by truthful+cynic · 2010-03-21 09:51 · Score: 1

It'll be the entity with the return number on the caller id......

Do not accept High Beyond protocol packets by grayshirtninja · 2010-03-21 09:54 · Score: 2, Funny

I've read my sci-fi and I know how dangerous alien email can be.

Re:Do not accept High Beyond protocol packets by shadowbearer · 2010-03-21 13:30 · Score: 1

Well, it's obvious, then.
The aliens are already here, and they are responsible for the large part of the spam email out there.
They want us to reproduce as much as possible, so there's more meat when the processing ships arrive ;)
SB

--
It's old. The more humans I meet, the more I like my cats. At least they are honest.

Re:This really needs to be a Slashdot poll... by Brett+Buck · 2010-03-21 09:54 · Score: 1

Cowboy Neal as the ONLY option!

Aliens have fax machines...? by donoteat01 · 2010-03-21 09:55 · Score: 1

Seriously?

I vote for.... by Anita+Coney · 2010-03-21 09:59 · Score: 2, Insightful

Morgan Freeman.

--
If someone says he and his monkey have nothing to hide, they almost certainly do.

Re:I vote for.... by drinkypoo · 2010-03-21 10:32 · Score: 3, Informative

Morgan Freeman.
There are only two main reasons anyone would bother to contact us: curiosity, or as a prelude to invasion. Given the not inconsiderable chances of the second (if you can communicate FTL, you can probably travel that way too...) I think Gordon Freeman would be a better choice.

--
"You're right," Fisheye says. "I should have set it on 'whip' or 'chop.'"

Bruce Campbell by j.+andrew+rogers · 2010-03-21 10:00 · Score: 2, Funny

Bruce Campbell. No matter what happens, he's seen it all before.

Re:Bruce Campbell by Macrat · 2010-03-21 10:49 · Score: 1

And if he screws up, we'll go out in glory.

Whoever answers the phone? by shadowbearer · 2010-03-21 10:01 · Score: 4, Insightful

;-)

Obviously, there's no good answer to this question. No matter who was picked, by whatever process, some group on the planet would resent it.

Personally I think Sagan had it right - we pick someone who doesn't have a religious or political agenda, is broadly educated especially in sciences, and
would be willing to perform the task.*

(Hmm... Richard Dawkins? *g*)

* No, really:

1) No religious agenda - doesn't matter whether or not the aliens have religion. If they don't, they'll likely think us backward. If they do, it's possible they will be offended by our version(s) - and it's certain that picking anyone who professes one major religion would piss off the other major religions.

2) No political agenda. I doubt I need to explain this one; the person will be speaking for ALL HUMANITY.

3) Broadly educated - in trying to understand a totally alien viewpoint, experience in many different fields would be essential.

4) ... especially in the sciences - because it's likely anyone who *could* contact us would be extremely far along in the sciences. Unless they're doing it with telepathy...

5) Volunteer, of course.

SB

--
It's old. The more humans I meet, the more I like my cats. At least they are honest.

Re:Whoever answers the phone? by corbettw · 2010-03-21 10:14 · Score: 1

Science? Are you kidding me? We need someone well trained in diplomacy to speak on our behalf. Someone who's only trained in science won't have the requisite background in deal making, understanding different points of view, and convincing others more powerful than we not to wipe us out. Honestly, I wouldn't trust a pure scientist on any of that.

--
God invented whiskey so the Irish would not rule the world.
Re:Whoever answers the phone? by Anonymous Coward · 2010-03-21 10:35 · Score: 2, Insightful

Judging from how we treat animals that are less mentally and technologically developed than ourselves, I would argue that a very, very cute person would be the best option.
That is if ET has a sense of cuteness. Otherwise I would guess that we are what scientists technically refer to as "fucked".
Re:Whoever answers the phone? by largesnike · 2010-03-21 10:35 · Score: 1

(Hmm... Richard Dawkins? *g*)
well, only if we *know* that the aliens are miliant athiests, RD seems to annoy just about everybody else.

--
"Laugh while you can a-monkey boy!" - Dr Emilio Lizardo
Re:Whoever answers the phone? by shadowbearer · 2010-03-21 10:37 · Score: 4, Insightful

requisite background in deal making, understanding different points of view, and convincing others more powerful than we not to wipe us out
Sure they do. Nearly all scientists are familiar with the grant application process ;-)
SB

--
It's old. The more humans I meet, the more I like my cats. At least they are honest.
Re:Whoever answers the phone? by PsychoSlashDot · 2010-03-21 10:38 · Score: 1

No. Diplomats have preconceived notions that predicate on their experience negotiating between assholes with human agendas. You're almost suggesting to assign a psychologist to speak on our behalf. Shadowbearer's list of qualifications has a heavy basis in neutrality. We want that. A person who simply represents us as an average. Let the aliens who dragged themselves all this way decide if they like what we are.
No diplomats "spinning" things to make us look better than we are. I would really prefer to not get caught in a lie or a lie by omission when Kruul shows up.

--
"Oh no... he found the .sig setting."
Re:Whoever answers the phone? by Maestro485 · 2010-03-21 11:46 · Score: 1

So I'll get to see aliens and the antichrist at the same time?

Awesome.
Re:Whoever answers the phone? by Jeremi · 2010-03-21 12:32 · Score: 2, Insightful

I hear that France has already preemptively surrendered to ET because of this article.
Hilarious! A one-liner about French people being quick to surrender! That joke just never gets old! It's almost as funny as the "Polish people are stupid" jokes, or the "Jewish people like money" jokes! Maybe next you could tell one about lazy Mexicans...

--

I don't care if it's 90,000 hectares. That lake was not my doing.
Re:Whoever answers the phone? by shadowbearer · 2010-03-21 12:33 · Score: 1

Cute. And Harmless looking...
Of course what human beings consider cute, aliens might consider insultingly ugly... in which case we're still fucked.
SB

--
It's old. The more humans I meet, the more I like my cats. At least they are honest.
Re:Whoever answers the phone? by Gonoff · 2010-03-21 13:46 · Score: 1

Is it funny ethnic jokes time? I am afraid that the world has stereotypes for people from the USA that are as (in)accurate as yours about the French. They include rude, ignorant, fat, parochial and "shoots people for looking foreign".
Good thing the whole world stopped making such jokes 30 years ago...

--
I'll see your Constitution and raise you a Queen.
Re:Whoever answers the phone? by shadowbearer · 2010-03-21 14:36 · Score: 1

Thanks for the funny mod point, whoever you were. Good to know someone still gets it :)
SB

--
It's old. The more humans I meet, the more I like my cats. At least they are honest.
Re:Whoever answers the phone? by johncadengo · 2010-03-21 18:39 · Score: 1

Personally I think Sagan had it right - we pick someone who doesn't have a religious or political agenda, is broadly educated especially in sciences, and
would be willing to perform the task.*
(Hmm... Richard Dawkins? *g*)
How is it that Richard Dawkins doesn't have a religious agenda? He is a self-proclaimed militant atheist.
His agenda on religion is very plain: he's out to destroy it.

--
My page.
Re:Whoever answers the phone? by xenn · 2010-03-21 21:11 · Score: 1

How about Wade Davis?
Re:Whoever answers the phone? by rastan · 2010-03-21 23:59 · Score: 1

Just that Sagan had 5 people picked, not one. In fact, the book is much, much better than the movie.

--
Understanding is a three-edged sword. --Kosh
Re:Whoever answers the phone? by hey! · 2010-03-22 02:44 · Score: 1

That's a completely unrealistic view of matters.
Let's start with the most basic question: who contacts who? Given our ability ability to be the contacter, it's almost certain to be the aliens. So lets grant them technology that is superior to ours at the very least. It seems to me that technology such as we have is not possible for lifeforms with lower intelligence than we, so at the very least the aliens are as intelligent than we, and quite possibly far more intelligent.
Also, if the alien is the contacter, it may well be more experienced at this.
If you put that all together, the obvious answer is that the logical party to manage the encounter would the aliens. At first they might talking to human scientists and mathematicians, in order to speed the development of a common basis for communication. Since your chances of encountering a scientist after landing in a cornfield is small, that entails some involvement with government, but once that basis is established the aliens will undoubtedly have their own agenda.
Alternatively they could circumvent government by passively observing us, then nabbing a few isolated specimens here and there for examination. The first formal contact might well be with a human participant who is specifically chosen by the aliens. That's what I'd do. I'd study the society I was making contact with and pick out who I wanted to talk to.

--
Post may contain irony: discontinue use if experiencing mood swings, nausea or elevated blood pressure.

Take Them to Your Lizard... by Jah-Wren+Ryel · 2010-03-21 10:07 · Score: 1

http://wso.williams.edu/~rcarson/lizards.html

That is all.

--
When information is power, privacy is freedom.

Re:Take Them to Your Lizard... by MichaelSmith · 2010-03-21 10:56 · Score: 1

What we really need is a major scientific break-in.

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http://michaelsmith.id.au

Re:I do. by clarkkent09 · 2010-03-21 10:07 · Score: 4, Interesting

Not a slashdot poll but probably some sort of an online forum where people from around the world can vote on the questions to be asked would be a good start. Why does it have to be one person or a small group of people who speak for humanity when there is a way to let a large part of the humanity participate.

--
Negative moral value of force outweighs the positive value of good intentions.

Re:I do. by gtall · 2010-03-21 10:09 · Score: 4, Funny

Nah, I think it should be a muppet, keep'em guessing is my advice. The drummer Animal might do well, or Kermit if we'd like to appear reasonable.

Davies, ORLY? by martin-boundary · 2010-03-21 10:17 · Score: 1

Paul Davies, chairman of the SETI Post-Detection Taskgroup, is a likely ambassador.

Why would we want a religious philosopher to speak to aliens on our behalf?

Re:Davies, ORLY? by SanityInAnarchy · 2010-03-21 10:48 · Score: 5, Insightful
So, you assume that atheists are correct and that aliens, assuming they even exist would be atheists?
Personally, I suspect that's true, but I don't know. However, I see three possibilities:
- They have no religion.
- They have a religion very similar to ours.
- They have a religion unlike anything we've ever seen.
Now, of those, do you really think #2 is likely? (If you do, you probably should investigate how religion arose on this planet.)
No, the likelier possibilities are option #1, in which case, any religious individual would make us seem backwards and primitive; or #3, in which case, any religion we choose to represent would likely be weird and possibly offensive to them.

Who would you suggest? An obnoxious pompous prick like Dawkins?
Funny... when I believed, I thought the same way you did. About Randi, also.
Eventually, I realized that what I saw as "arrogance" was merely the courage to stand up to popular dogmas. They were attacking things I held dear, and that made me defensive, so of course I saw them as arrogant and disruptive.

real science, rather than trying to prove the non-existence of god.
Dawkins is an evolutionary biologist, and you might notice he's also written several books about that. If you investigate what he actually does with his time, you'll probably find he spends far more time doing exactly that -- real science.
You seem to be confused into thinking that all atheists are necessarily "militant atheists", and that this would be the first thing on their minds when they encounter an alien being. That's not the concern at all. The concern is that the last thing we want is to be trying to tell an alien the "good news".
--
Don't thank God, thank a doctor!
Re:Davies, ORLY? by Kell+Bengal · 2010-03-21 11:06 · Score: 4, Interesting

It is possible that our scientists could be mostly wrong about everything.
And pretty much every scientist out there agrees with you. It's the religious people who can't admit they're wrong, and that's the reason they shouldn't speak for us. Humility would indeed be the best practice.

--
Scientists point out problems, engineers fix them
altslashdot.org: The future of slashdot.
Re:Davies, ORLY? by aristotle-dude · 2010-03-21 12:20 · Score: 1

It is possible that our scientists could be mostly wrong about everything.
And pretty much every scientist out there agrees with you. It's the religious people who can't admit they're wrong, and that's the reason they shouldn't speak for us. Humility would indeed be the best practice.
So you would agree then that people like Richard Dawkins are no longer scientists but rather ideologues who have allowed their personal world views cloud their ability to conduct unbiased scientific research or represent the scientific community? What many anglophones seems to be unaware of is that there is no conflict between religion and science outside of countries like England and the US. Scientists are perfectly capable of doing their jobs without allowing the beliefs of lack there of influence their work. This problem seems to be a very "english" one.

--
Jesus was a compassionate social conservative who called individuals to sin no more.
Re:Davies, ORLY? by Kell+Bengal · 2010-03-21 12:39 · Score: 2, Insightful

Actually, I would disagree that there is a conflict between science and religion... well... the scientists don't think so, at least. The scientists: "We know the following stuff about how the world works - here's what our experiments tell us." The religious: "Scientists aren't agreeing with us on everything! They're a threat to us and they must be stopped!" Is it possible to have a conflict where really only one side is trying to 'beat' the other?

Is Richard Dawkins up to snuff with his science? I don't know - I'm not an evolutionary biologist. Is there a conflict between science and religion? No, not really, but the religious folks out there seem to be making capital out of the idea that there might be.

As a robotics research engineer very little of my science has anything to do with religion. I have, however, attempted to create the robot devil with so far inconclusive results. The prototype can fiddle, but hasn't yet bought a soul.

--
Scientists point out problems, engineers fix them
altslashdot.org: The future of slashdot.
Re:Davies, ORLY? by shadowbearer · 2010-03-21 14:19 · Score: 1

Personally, I suspect that's true, but I don't know. However, I see three possibilities:
* They have no religion.
* They have a religion very similar to ours.
* They have a religion unlike anything we've ever seen.
Now, of those, do you really think #2 is likely? (If you do, you probably should investigate how religion arose on this planet.)
Well, since nobody really knows how religion arose in the first place, it'd probably be easier just to point the GP to the current religious wars :-)
I posted on this earlier, seems the GP must have read that and thought about it for a few seconds. The mention of Dawkins...
As to "militant atheists", I wonder if any of the more "militant religious fanatics" realize that by their very actions, they are producing more atheists? Seems to me that the more strongly they push their beliefs in this modern age, the more they are pushing people away. This is good thing; organized religion has more to do with control and power than with any sort of belief.
I STRONGLY agree with your last sentence. The last damned thing we should do is try to convert any alien species we encounter. Historically that has caused more chaos and carnage than most people realize amongst our own species. One need look no further than the current "war" between militant fundamentalists of the Judaic and Islamic religion sects.
The best thing we could do is present an unbiased synopsis of religion as it exists wrt humanity, and explain to them that we are all individuals and that we try to do our best in letting each and every one of us hold our own beliefs. It wouldn't be entirely true, but it might help convince them that not all of us are delusional to the point of violence.
See my point #1 in my earlier post ;)
Great post, friend. Thanks.
Anyone who takes umbrage at my remarks might want know that I practice the 11th commandment exclusively.
11th commandment: Thou Shalt Keep Thy Religion to Thyself.
(Except that I don't have a religion. Atheism is the absence of religion.)
Atheists, at least so far, haven't started any wars.
Don't push us, we won't push you. But you are pushing... and someday, we just might. Chew on that for a while.
(I'm hardly a "militant atheist". Just because I speak my mind does not make me one. But the disruption I see from fundamentalists of all stripes really pisses me off. To all you religious people out there, I say: Police your own. )
SB

--
It's old. The more humans I meet, the more I like my cats. At least they are honest.
Re:Davies, ORLY? by SanityInAnarchy · 2010-03-21 15:24 · Score: 2, Interesting

nobody really knows how religion arose in the first place,
Well, yes and no. We have some good theories, and we've watched real religions arise fairly recently -- cargo cults being the obvious example.

The best thing we could do is present an unbiased synopsis of religion as it exists wrt humanity, and explain to them that we are all individuals and that we try to do our best in letting each and every one of us hold our own beliefs.
That's unfortunately only true for a minority of the world.

Atheists, at least so far, haven't started any wars.
The AC pointed out Stalin. There are two crucial issues here: First, no one goes to the war in the name of atheism, while they do in the name of religion. Second, the term "atheist" simply means one who is not a theist -- there is no unifying belief or dogma, no requirement that atheists be scientifically minded critical thinkers or even sane.
The numbers right now do tend to favor atheists in a few ways -- fewer in prisons, fewer divorces, etc -- but this isn't really relevant, other than to dispel the notion that atheists are inherently evil or stupid. You only need one person to be a counterexample to that, but it seems less useful to try to show that atheists are somehow better, more peaceful, smarter, etc.

--
Don't thank God, thank a doctor!
Re:Davies, ORLY? by shadowbearer · 2010-03-21 16:04 · Score: 1

Just what wars did Stalin start?
(I'm not arguing that he wasn't an evil sonofabitch, but just what wars did he start?)
SB

--
It's old. The more humans I meet, the more I like my cats. At least they are honest.
Re:Davies, ORLY? by shadowbearer · 2010-03-21 16:19 · Score: 1

nobody really knows how religion arose in the first place,
Well, yes and no. We have some good theories, and we've watched real religions arise fairly recently -- cargo cults being the obvious example.
In other words, no, we don't know.

The best thing we could do is present an unbiased synopsis of religion as it exists wrt humanity, and explain to them that we are all individuals and that we try to do our best in letting each and every one of us hold our own beliefs.
That's unfortunately only true for a minority of the world.

Unfortunately.

Atheists, at least so far, haven't started any wars.
The AC pointed out Stalin.
See my reply.

There are two crucial issues here: First, no one goes to the war in the name of atheism, while they do in the name of religion.
Why not?

Second, the term "atheist" simply means one who is not a theist -- there is no unifying belief or dogma, no requirement that atheists be scientifically minded critical thinkers or even sane.
Wasn't arguing about that. Read what I wrote.

The numbers right now do tend to favor atheists in a few ways -- fewer in prisons, fewer divorces, etc -- but this isn't really relevant, other than to dispel the notion that atheists are inherently evil or stupid.
Which is a good thing, considering how much atheists have been put down as just that over the centuries, and even here in the US in the last century. But it does argue that perhaps atheists are more mentally and emotionally balanced *g*

You only need one person to be a counterexample to that, but it seems less useful to try to show that atheists are somehow better, more peaceful, smarter, etc.
Wasn't trying to point that out as an overall individual trait, although it certainly seems to be so; I wasn't quoting statistics, you were.
Look, if you want to argue that atheists are or aren't more mentally balanced than the rest of whomever, confine your argument to that. Trying to combine it with psychotics like Stalin, or conflating atheism with theism just doesn't work with me. I just plain don't believe in any godlike or supreme beings at all, ok? I call it rationalism; or in my more drunken moments rational anarchism.
You don't seem to have any real understanding of atheism at all.
SB

--
It's old. The more humans I meet, the more I like my cats. At least they are honest.
Re:Davies, ORLY? by SanityInAnarchy · 2010-03-21 16:36 · Score: 1

no one goes to the war in the name of atheism, while they do in the name of religion.
Why not?
Well, because atheism isn't an ism. It would be like going to war for non-stamp-collecting.
I can see going to war for related things, like reason, science, etc. I don't see why you'd go to war for atheism, and I imagine it'd be difficult to raise an army around that idea. Maybe antitheism, but not atheism.

Wasn't arguing about that. Read what I wrote.
I didn't think you were. I was making both of these points to illustrate that even if Stalin went to war, it doesn't really change things.

it does argue that perhaps atheists are more mentally and emotionally balanced *g*
Possibly, but again, I'd put that more in the context of whether a religious person is less mentally and emotionally balanced.
There are atheists who believe in tarot cards. That's the point I'm driving at here.

Look, if you want to argue that atheists are or aren't more mentally balanced than the rest of whomever, confine your argument to that.
That's pretty much what I'm trying to do.

Trying to combine it with psychotics like Stalin, or conflating atheism with theism just doesn't work with me.
I don't think I've done that.
I mentioned Stalin because the AC did -- I was more or less diffusing its point.

I just plain don't believe in any godlike or supreme beings at all, ok?
Ok.

I call it rationalism;
Well, no, it's not.
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with rationalism, I'm saying that atheism is not by itself rationalism. Someone could become atheist because they have good, logical, rational reasons, or someone could become atheist because they had a bad experience in church.

You don't seem to have any real understanding of atheism at all.
I've been an atheist for several years now. We seem to agree on most of these points, and it's not as though the definition of "atheist" is particularly difficult -- "one who does not believe in a God."
I also tend to debate theists (and especially Creationists), so I'd say I have a fair understanding of what you mean by rationalism, and I have a somewhat rationalist, naturalist perspective. I was trying specifically to avoid conflating that with atheism.
Now, I suspect that religion tends to make people less balanced in many ways, which is why the statistics look the way they do -- but I think at this point, that's as much a reflection of the lack of influence by religion on atheists as it is a reflection of the critical thinking, rationality, and sanity of the truly skeptical and inquisitive atheists.

--
Don't thank God, thank a doctor!
Re:Davies, ORLY? by Anonymous Coward · 2010-03-21 16:56 · Score: 1, Interesting

How is denying the existence of a god a "worldview", any more than denying the existence of werewolves or vampires is? Does the concept of a "god" really run people's lives in this day and age? Sad...
Re:Davies, ORLY? by shadowbearer · 2010-03-21 17:34 · Score: 2, Insightful

*shrug* I've been atheist since about '78,79, somewhere there. Can't say, didn't wake up one day and say "There is no dog" or anything like that. Raised Lutheran, just didn't take; as Carlin said, I "reached the age of reason". People who believe in tarot cards, or any other form of superstition or mysticism, are not atheists. I don't know where you get that definition from, but it isn't accurate. They may say they are, but they aren't. I'll agree that atheism, by itself, is not necessarily rational. But most people who admit to being atheist are rational. We could play statistical quote-me back and forth for weeks, tho. If it comes down to talking to aliens, tho, I suspect that scientific rationalism - and probably anarchic scientific rationalism - will win the day. I have to crash, have to work tomorrow. I'd love to debate this more with you, but sleep demands me. What would an alien species that doesn't sleep think of that? *g* later SB

--
It's old. The more humans I meet, the more I like my cats. At least they are honest.
Re:Davies, ORLY? by Anonymous Coward · 2010-03-21 18:40 · Score: 1, Funny

in which case, any religion we choose to represent would likely be weird and possibly offensive to them.
I iz in ur interplanetary negotiations, drawing cartoons and fucking shit up.
Denmark
Re:Davies, ORLY? by megrims · 2010-03-21 19:26 · Score: 1

I take it you believe that your sentiment and conclusion are reasonable?
Not that I think religious people are particularly great, but they aren't tautologically closed-minded.
Re:Davies, ORLY? by megrims · 2010-03-21 19:30 · Score: 1

Ah, I see.
Yeah, you've been listening to the wrong kind of 'religious' people. It comes back to the old observation that people are most willing to share the things they haven't thought about.
There's an analogue to that kind of nominal thinking in the scientific worldview, for the record; it's just easier to filter out.
Re:Davies, ORLY? by CrimsonAvenger · 2010-03-22 00:27 · Score: 1

I would imagine that the invasion of Finland would count.
And there's that whole "grab the eastern half of Poland" thing.
Arguably the Korean War (it's not entirely clear whether North Korea was acting as a proxy for the USSR, the Chinese, or just jumping the gun on their own - note that the USSR didn't provide ground troops, but did provide fighter pilots and hardware, both planes and tanks and guns)

--

"I do not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it"
Re:Davies, ORLY? by monkeythug · 2010-03-22 01:20 · Score: 1
Personally, I suspect that's true, but I don't know. However, I see three possibilities:
- They have no religion.
- They have a religion very similar to ours.
- They have a religion unlike anything we've ever seen.
Now, of those, do you really think #2 is likely?
What do you mean #2 is unlikely? Quite clearly, since MY religion is the Great Holy Truth and the One True Way it is completely inconceivable that aliens could believe anything else!
Of course they could be heathens and sinners if they profess to believe anything other than precisely what is written down in my Ancient Holy Book Of Wisdom and if so they clearly deserve to be exterminated!
In the event that the aliens have superior technology, that won't be a problem since my Unshakeable Faith in the Great Inscrutible Creator Of All Things will protect me and make sure I win!
(sadly there are real people who think this way - fortunately I am not one of them)
--
Don't you wish you hadn't wasted 3 seconds of your life reading this sig?
Re:Davies, ORLY? by SanityInAnarchy · 2010-03-22 07:29 · Score: 1
People who believe in tarot cards, or any other form of superstition or mysticism, are not atheists.
That's a semantic argument, and not one I'm particularly looking forward to, but technically speaking, yes they are. Again, the word "atheist" simply means, not a theist -- that is, not one who believes in a god.
Now, you'd be right to say they're probably not skeptics or rationalists, and they are by definition not naturalists, but to say they're "not atheist" is akin to a protestant claiming catholics are "not Christian" or vice versa.

I don't know where you get that definition from, but it isn't accurate.
Here's a start:

someone who denies the existence of god
That's not correct, either, as atheist simply means one who doesn't believe.

Atheism can be either the rejection of theism, or the position that deities do not exist.
That's about right.

atheism - the doctrine or belief that there is no God
Again, I reject this definition. However, the same site also offers the correct one:

atheistic - rejecting any belief in gods
And again, note that in either case, we're still talking about gods specifically.

One who rejects or is ignorant of theism.
And so on.
The only two definitions I see there, and the only two I've heard in general, can be summarized like this:
1. One who denies that any gods exist.
2. One who does not believe that any gods exist.
Tarot cards do not require deities, nor do ghosts, UFOs, or for that matter, perpetual motion machines. There are any number of things which are unscientific, possibly paranoid, dogmatic, and foolish, without ever claiming to be a religion, and certainly without being concerned with a deity in particular.

I'll agree that atheism, by itself, is not necessarily rational. But most people who admit to being atheist are rational.
Most, yes. However, if you want any meaningful statistics, you have to also include agnostics, and some of them include those who have no particular religion. Not all atheists are "out of the closet", so to speak, which is one reason I'm as vocal as I am -- to reassure those who aren't that it's ok to be an atheist, and that there are others who think the way they do -- some seem to live with the idea that there's something wrong with them, or that they should be quiet and say they're just not particularly religious...

If it comes down to talking to aliens, tho, I suspect that scientific rationalism - and probably anarchic scientific rationalism - will win the day.
I would emphasize the science and the rationalism, and while I don't know that anarchy is best, I would say someone without religious or political affiliation would be best.
--
Don't thank God, thank a doctor!
Re:Davies, ORLY? by SanityInAnarchy · 2010-03-22 08:12 · Score: 1

What do you mean #2 is unlikely? Quite clearly, since MY religion is the Great Holy Truth and the One True Way it is completely inconceivable that aliens could believe anything else!
I realize you're being sarcastic, but I'm amazed that people think this way, and don't take the two seconds of critical thinking required (or maybe thirty seconds of research) to discover that most people on this planet don't share their religion.

--
Don't thank God, thank a doctor!

ME by dirty_ghost · 2010-03-21 10:19 · Score: 1

i for one, welcome me.

Re:Me by John+Hasler · 2010-03-21 13:29 · Score: 1

You're hired. Start Monday.

--
Warning: this article may contain humor, sarcasm, parody, and perhaps even irony. Read at your own risk.

Anybody but the British! by psykocrime · 2010-03-21 10:20 · Score: 4, Funny

Please hope the Brits don't make first contact with ET, their track record isn't so hot when it comes to handling these things...

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// TODO: Insert Cool Sig

Re:Anybody but the British! by nekozid · 2010-03-21 12:09 · Score: 1

You're just jealous that we'd have them talking English within the week, and have built a call-centre around them in two.
Re:Anybody but the British! by Peet42 · 2010-03-21 12:12 · Score: 1

Where's Professor Quatermass when we need him???
Re:Anybody but the British! by snowgirl · 2010-03-21 12:48 · Score: 1

You're just jealous that we'd have them talking English within the week, and have built a call-centre around them in two.
You Brits don't speak REAL English, though...

--
WARNING! This girl exceeds the MAXIMUM SAFE standards established by the FDA for BRATTINESS

Neighbours. Everybody needs good NEIGHBOURS by Colin+Smith · 2010-03-21 10:20 · Score: 1

I consider that pretty fucking bad, but you know. It could be worse.

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Deleted

Re:Neighbours. Everybody needs good NEIGHBOURS by MichaelSmith · 2010-03-21 10:49 · Score: 1

I can't say I blame this woman. Twelve years of Neighbours. I wonder if they ever made her watch it?

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http://michaelsmith.id.au

Phone, FAX, Email??? by Anonymous Coward · 2010-03-21 10:21 · Score: 1, Insightful

An Alien first need to understand our tcp/ip packets. Imagine if they have their own computer system. They need to decode our internet traffic. Okey it's only a bunch of zeros and ones. But how is disposed here on Earth is completely different what is disposed for an Alien system. So is necessary to convert our tcp/ip to a protocol understand for the aliens. Then the IANA didn't allocate any ipv4 for UFOS. So, the only possibility is hack some ISP to join the internet, open an Gmail ou any free email account for sending a message. That's will not be easy because they need to understand and study our language. The satellites are there transmitting all kind of TV programs still in a analogic. If an alian decode it, they will study and learn any earth language.

Any way if they send a email, our researches will think that is a hoax. I think that the best way is fly to a TV station and shows everyone that they are there. So there will be no doubt about intelligence outside our solar system.

easy answer by nomadic · 2010-03-21 10:21 · Score: 1

The politician who can exert the greatest political power in the country where they land. Which in most cases won't be someone from that country, but from the US, China, Russia, etc.

The answer is... Steve Jobs by Anonymous Coward · 2010-03-21 10:21 · Score: 1, Funny

And if the aliens look like they're going to attack, his buddy Woz can hack the spaceship.

Re:The answer is... Steve Jobs by beej · 2010-03-22 05:21 · Score: 1

"Their ships use some CRAP operating system that doesn't support HTML5 and doesn't even take advantage of Apple's advanced technologies like Cocoa! And you know what we found when we were invited on board? A GOOGLE LOGO--that's right. All their droids--their actual droids--are running Android! Make no mistake: I am certain this alien race is here to kill the iPhone! This 'we come in peace' mantra is BULLSHIT!"

Rick Astley by largesnike · 2010-03-21 10:23 · Score: 2, Funny

...though they might declare war on us...

--
"Laugh while you can a-monkey boy!" - Dr Emilio Lizardo

Re:Rick Astley by MichaelSmith · 2010-03-21 11:04 · Score: 1

...though they might declare war on us...
More of a mercy killing I think.

--
http://michaelsmith.id.au

Nobody by Tubal-Cain · 2010-03-21 10:25 · Score: 3, Insightful

Why do we need someone to speak for humanity as a whole? Why do we assume the aliens will have a single government? Why can't we communicate nation-to-nation?

Re:Nobody by shadowbearer · 2010-03-21 12:39 · Score: 1

"Nations" don't speak. People do.
SB

--
It's old. The more humans I meet, the more I like my cats. At least they are honest.
Re:Nobody by khallow · 2010-03-21 16:49 · Score: 1

Maybe they remember the little games that colonizers of the New World used to do. For example, do I have sufficient authority to sell Manhattan Island to aliens? If it's anything like the 17th century example, then yes, I do. Too bad that there's someone living there already. There's plenty of examples where a treaty would be signed by a small group with no recognized authority in the matter and the results applied to the entire tribe.
Re:Nobody by Rocketship+Underpant · 2010-03-21 19:45 · Score: 1

Agreed. Just fit the aliens up with Facebook, Twitter, and email, and let them interact with whomever they want.

--
He who lights his taper at mine, receives light without darkening me.

Don't we already have someone appropriate? by Anonymous Coward · 2010-03-21 10:25 · Score: 2, Insightful

I mean... we have the UN right? so wouldnt' Ban Kyi Moon be the appropriate choice?

Obligatory Gary Larson by Anonymous Coward · 2010-03-21 10:26 · Score: 2, Funny

Hilarious as always.

applying a human solution to an alien problem by spire3661 · 2010-03-21 10:27 · Score: 1

It is human arrogance and ignorance that lead us to these 'answers'. Do we have to have a figurehead to speak for all of us? What if the aliens want to talk to the 'everyman'. It is a human concept that we need an alpha to speak for all of us, and folly imho.

--
Good-bye

No one by J'raxis · 2010-03-21 10:28 · Score: 3, Insightful

No one speaks for "humanity." Everyone speaks for themselves. But, I suppose that won't stop some sleazebag politician from claiming to speak for a few million or billion other people...

--
Liberty in your lifetime

Re:No one by Anonymous Coward · 2010-03-21 13:38 · Score: 1, Funny

Hello, my name is Odgwx343, representing my client, the esteemed (unpronounceable). Be informed that the use of oxygen respiration on a planet of mostly water has been deemed to be already patented by my client, and we would appreciate it if you of the 3rd world of this system would immediately cease and desist all further violation of our client's patent rights, else it will be necessary to pursue further action on our client's behalf, including, but not limited to, seizure of assets, and subsequent shutdown of illegal operations resulting in the patent violation. Thank you in advance for your prompt attention to this matter.

Re:I do. by Captain+Splendid · 2010-03-21 10:31 · Score: 1

or Kermit if we'd like to appear reasonable.

And WEAK! Better to use the guy that throws the fishes. You know he means business.

--
Linux, you magnificent bastard, I read the fucking manual!

It depends who you ask: by el+chief · 2010-03-21 10:32 · Score: 1

Hollywood: POTUS
Economists: The person willing to pay the most
Computer Scientists: A random person
Tibetans/Hipsters: Dali Lama
Meritocrats: The guy that put in the most work on SETI
Unions: The most senior guy
Democrats: The winner of a free election
Me: Me

If ET calls by mcfatboy93 · 2010-03-21 10:46 · Score: 1

If ET calls i will personally put his/its name on the 'Do not call list'. last thing we need is ET getting calls from telemarketers

--
Its not my fault, someone put a wall in my way.

Mental note: by WeeBit · 2010-03-21 10:47 · Score: 1

as long as...Our world politicians are not doing the talking. We should be fine meeting ET.

Will All The Extra-Terresterials... by netsharc · 2010-03-21 10:50 · Score: 1

please leave the store!

i.e. whoever's holding the mic?

--
What time is it/will be over there? Check with my iPhone app!

Don't know...just hope it's not by PortHaven · 2010-03-21 10:50 · Score: 1

HOLLYWOOD!!!!

Re:I do. by grcumb · 2010-03-21 10:52 · Score: 4, Funny

I do. Next question, please.

Geez Louise! Dozens of answers already and not a single one of you has suggested Kent Brockman. What is wrong with you people?!?

Well, I for one do not welcome such a cataclysmic failure in geek cred. Our insect overlords can't get here soon enough, if you ask me.

--
Crumb's Corollary: Never bring a knife to a bun fight.

Re:I do. by PopeRatzo · 2010-03-21 10:58 · Score: 5, Funny

Clearly, Sarah Palin should do the talking for us. This way, the ET's won't bother us, thinking there's no intelligent life on Earth.

--
You are welcome on my lawn.

Re:I do. by WrongSizeGlass · 2010-03-21 10:58 · Score: 2, Funny

Meanwhile, just go about your business, but keep in mind that they are watching, and judging.

So, what you're saying is, my mom is an alien?

Re:McConaughey by MichaelSmith · 2010-03-21 11:01 · Score: 1

No, Tom Skerritt.

--
http://michaelsmith.id.au

Richard Gere? by voisine · 2010-03-21 11:02 · Score: 1

Richard Gere, is that you?

(last 20 seconds)
http://www.searchforvideo.com/watchclip/?id=2665332

ho hum... by n6kuy · 2010-03-21 11:03 · Score: 1

This is hardly worth wringing our hands over.
We have much more pressing issues to worry about right here on Earth.

Besides, I'm not too worried about alien contact any time soon. Or ever.

--
If you disagree with me on social issues, then it's pretty clear that you are a narrow-minded bigot.

take me to your search engine by epine · 2010-03-21 11:06 · Score: 1

The best scientists are brilliant in every department. I think a scientist is just what we need.

Alien: Is the human race a threat to life, the universe, and everything?

Scientist: We're still trying to figure that out.

Alien: We could threaten to construct a subspace bypass.

Scientist: That might help.

Alien: Agreed. You have fifteen thousand solar years.

Scientist: Uh, I don't think that will get the message across.

Alien: You have fifteen solar years.

Scientist: Much better. With one giant ship hanging over Washington like bricks don't?

Alien: Make it so.

Seriously, if ET finds an open WiFi port and browses Google for a couple of weeks, they'll never again suspect that *anyone* on this planet remotely speaks for the race as a whole.

I was just listening to an online lecture about nearest neighbour classification, support vector machine, random forests, bagging, and boosting. A sufficiently advanced alien will have 99% of the internet classified as "no sign of intelligent life" after their first 10^6 page views. As an elementary school homework assignment over the morning recess.

Time to update the question. Leadership is passé. Long before sidling up to the overgroomed charismatic megafudspout, ET will be asking "take me to your search engine". The real risk here is that ET first lands in China.

Geek ET: Half the signal seems to be missing from this data set.

Boss ET: Well, let's not take any chances. These M class planets are a dime a dozen.

Re:take me to your search engine by Jedi+Alec · 2010-03-21 11:39 · Score: 1

The logical sequence of steps would be the following:
Alien Leader: what do the humans typically use to acquire information?
Alien Lackey: well, they seem to be quite fond of this "wikipedia", and it's quite easy to access here from behind the biggest planet in the system.
Alien Leader: Excellent, show me this wikipedia!
* Alien Lackey puts wikipedia on the viewscreen and navigates through a number of subjects
Alien Leader: Hold on, what is this "discussion" item I see popping up each time?
Alien Lackey: I couldn't say Sir, let's have a look.
Alien Leader: What in the universe? They're arguing over even the most basic facts? What kind of stupid race is this?!
Entire bridge Crew: Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate!
* Viewscreen changes to a shot of one of Jupiter's moons breaking from orbit and heading towards what seems to be the orbit of a green/blue planet in the distance

--

People replying to my sig annoy me. That's why I change it all the time.

Re:I do. by Hurricane78 · 2010-03-21 11:07 · Score: 1

Well, there can only be one.

And that will be ME of course. ^^

*jabs Nimey’s head off with his sword*

--
Any sufficiently advanced intelligence is indistinguishable from stupidity.

Speaking only for myself by roystgnr · 2010-03-21 11:19 · Score: 1

I'd just like to point out that, among a significant fraction of humanity, we're starting to work out how to get along with each other without the assumption that one person has the right to make statements and decisions in the name of millions or billions of others. Give us another couple centuries before you give up hope and sterilize the lot of us, please?

Re:I do. by Sulphur · 2010-03-21 11:20 · Score: 3, Funny

I suggest we let ELIZA do the talking.

Why are you interested in mutilating our cows.

Let Paul Davies do it by lionheart1327 · 2010-03-21 11:21 · Score: 1

I say we let Paul Davies do it. I had him as a professor in College and he was brilliant. Just the kind of scientist I'd like to represent us to the aliens. Plus, he's likely put more thought into it than anybody else on the planet.

Paul Rubens by Boawk · 2010-03-21 11:24 · Score: 2

Nuff said.

Re:I do. by Runaway1956 · 2010-03-21 11:25 · Score: 2, Funny

"Our insect overlords can't get here soon enough, if you ask me."

I agree. I've heard that they taste like chicken, if you deep fry them. Mmmm-mmmm. Southern fried insect overlords - a hillbilly delight!!

--
"Windows is like the faint smell of piss in a subway: it's there, and there's nothing you can do about it." - Charlie Br

throwing in the towel by Culture20 · 2010-03-21 11:29 · Score: 1

No, you're supposed to wear it on your head or suck on it for vitamins. This man knows nothing about aliens.

Re:throwing in the towel by grayshirtninja · 2010-03-21 11:49 · Score: 1

We may not want the aliens to sass our representative. You don't know where that thing has been, do you really want to sass it?

Are you kdsawon-kidding me??? by TheBrutalTruth · 2010-03-21 11:37 · Score: 1

ONE MAN SPEAKING FOR ALL HUMANITY?? We can barely tie our damn shoes. Might be best we don't attempt the endeavor and instead to the following: - Insert thumb in mouth - Into fetal position - Pray (for those of you that have a god(S)) - Let my dog speak for us

--
Enlightenment is a pipe dream. So where's the pipe?

ET Email Home? by CrashandDie · 2010-03-21 11:40 · Score: 2, Funny

Somehow, I get the feeling that ET's first email will be something like:

Subject: 0rder Vicodin, Hydrocodone, Paracod, Codeine, Phentermin at Cheapest Price on net. 100% NoPrescription + FDA APPR0VED, FedEx shipping and FREE BONUS pills with every order!

Requiremento by Bayoudegradeable · 2010-03-21 11:41 · Score: 1

Oh, we didn't understand what was read to us? Let's translate, "God made the Universe, then put Peter and the Pope in charge. If you don't bow down to the Pope we will make war on you, kill your children, and, laugh of laughs, it will be YOUR FAULT! I pray they aren't bringing some of their holy people and a scroll... And if ET is anything like advanced humans, we are toast, really. And FSM help us if we have elements they covet floating in our crust...

--
Sig Registration Form 34c_766(a) submitted to Ministry of Signature Management. Approval pending.

James Randi by adpe · 2010-03-21 11:44 · Score: 1

I vote James Randi.

Re:James Randi by largesnike · 2010-03-21 13:02 · Score: 1

yes, he could say something like "I'll give you a million dollars if you can prove to me that you exist..."

--
"Laugh while you can a-monkey boy!" - Dr Emilio Lizardo

Re:I do. by dickens · 2010-03-21 11:45 · Score: 2, Funny

I was thinking John Boehner. Can you imagine the glee with which he's going to be made to eat his words?

Re:I do. by BoppreH · 2010-03-21 11:56 · Score: 1

Wonderful idea, until a certain imageboard finds about it.

It's strange no one thought of HIM! by master_p · 2010-03-21 11:57 · Score: 3, Funny

The one and only...the G.O.A.T...The man who has banged every green chick from here to the Delta Quadrant...

WILLIAM SHATNER!!!

Hmmm...now i know why aliens do not dare to land...they obviously mistook ST-TOS for reality...;-)

First Post by selven · 2010-03-21 12:07 · Score: 1

Sorry about the speed-of-light delay. Sometimes it sucks to be a Martian.

If we have to pick one person by Peet42 · 2010-03-21 12:07 · Score: 1

...I vote for Joss Whedon.

He may be one of them... by BlindRobin · 2010-03-21 12:10 · Score: 2, Interesting

but I sugeset we enlist Dr. Who to but us in the best light.

United Nations... by mmjcon147 · 2010-03-21 12:15 · Score: 1

The UN Secretary-General. Obviously.

Re:United Nations... by John+Hasler · 2010-03-21 13:01 · Score: 1

+5 Funny

--
Warning: this article may contain humor, sarcasm, parody, and perhaps even irony. Read at your own risk.

Short List by WarpedCore · 2010-03-21 12:20 · Score: 1

1) Buckaroo Banzai

Children by DrugCheese · 2010-03-21 12:35 · Score: 1

I'd have them speak to the children.

--
*DrugCheese rants*

Re:I do. by BluBrick · 2010-03-21 12:38 · Score: 1

Bea-ker, Bea-ker, Bea-ker, Bea-ker!
Yaaaaaay, Beaker!

--
Ahh - My eye!
The doctor said I'm not supposed to get Slashdot in it!

Re:chuck norris by Cryacin · 2010-03-21 12:46 · Score: 1

Come on. He can't smell *that* bad to them!

--
Science advances one funeral at a time- Max Planck

If ET Calls, Who Speaks For Humanity? by John+Hasler · 2010-03-21 12:50 · Score: 4, Insightful

Whoever picks up the phone. Hopefully it will not be one of our "leaders".

--
Warning: this article may contain humor, sarcasm, parody, and perhaps even irony. Read at your own risk.

Re:If ET Calls, Who Speaks For Humanity? by andolyne · 2010-03-21 13:43 · Score: 1

I would have said http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supreme_Leader_of_Iran he is, after all, the Supreme Leader :)
What a great title.
Re:If ET Calls, Who Speaks For Humanity? by John+Hasler · 2010-03-21 15:11 · Score: 1

Surely the Dear Leader's title would seem less threatening.

--
Warning: this article may contain humor, sarcasm, parody, and perhaps even irony. Read at your own risk.
Re:If ET Calls, Who Speaks For Humanity? by shadowbearer · 2010-03-21 15:30 · Score: 1

Indeed.
Leaving aside the global politics. Ok, wait, we can't.
The people who are in power on this planet, even in the most powerful and influential nation-states, are in power for one reason: they are looking out for the interests of their own citizens. (don't pedant this, it's more or less true)
Not for the interests of the human race, as a whole.
One could hope that any alien race that wished to contact us - or, even, subjugate us - would take the time to study us and find out what they are getting in to.
Sometimes it really pisses me off to have to put in those terms. But I am a citizen of the most powerful country on the planet, and we are not, in any sense of the term, taking our responsibilities as "leaders" very seriously.
SB

--
It's old. The more humans I meet, the more I like my cats. At least they are honest.
Re:If ET Calls, Who Speaks For Humanity? by pushing-robot · 2010-03-21 18:45 · Score: 1

Well, if I was the aliens, I'd hold out for THE PRESIDENT OF EARTH.

--
How can I believe you when you tell me what I don't want to hear?

Me by DuSTman31 · 2010-03-21 13:13 · Score: 1

I'll do it.

Patrick Stewart by WrongMonkey · 2010-03-21 13:21 · Score: 1

n/t

Re:I do. by shutdown+-p+now · 2010-03-21 13:23 · Score: 1

Not a slashdot poll but probably some sort of an online forum where people from around the world can vote on the questions to be asked would be a good start.

In other words, you want China to speak for us all?

Easy by Improv · 2010-03-21 13:30 · Score: 1

Kim Jong-Il. Duh.

--
For every problem, there is at least one solution that is simple, neat, and wrong.

Re:I do. by Loomismeister · 2010-03-21 13:39 · Score: 1

Make an online forum? I don't want a large part of humanity to participate! Most humans are too stupid to know what's good for them.

Re:I do. by Loomismeister · 2010-03-21 13:41 · Score: 1

I second this nomination of Nimey to be our representative.

Mr. Tough? by underworld · 2010-03-21 14:06 · Score: 1

Are we sure the first person they talk to should be named Mr. Tough?

Bobcat Golthwaite by StuartHankins · 2010-03-21 14:32 · Score: 1

... Because the first impression is the most important.

Re:I do. by kiore · 2010-03-21 14:42 · Score: 4, Funny

Clearly, Sarah Palin should do the talking for us.

After all, she can see outer space from her back porch.

List of people who should NOT contact aliens by shadowbearer · 2010-03-21 14:45 · Score: 2, Interesting

Sheezus, if this were to be continued, we'd have millions of posts, all suggesting one extra person.

I'll try and shorten it. Here's a start, anyway:

List of people who should NOT be allowed to participate in First Contact:

Politicians
Actors
Reality show participants
Tom Cruise
Jack Thompson
Elvis (Yeah, he's dead, but that doesn't stop some people)
Astrologers (of any stripe)
Fundamentalists (of any stripe)

?To be continued?

--
It's old. The more humans I meet, the more I like my cats. At least they are honest.

Re:List of people who should NOT contact aliens by Nathrael · 2010-03-22 01:19 · Score: 1

People who spend their time posting lists on Slashdot :P

--
A good education is a bit like a STD - it makes you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and gives you a desire to spread it.

I vote Proctologist by 517714 · 2010-03-21 15:01 · Score: 2, Funny

It could save a lot of anal probing.

--
The US government have made it clear that we have no inalienable rights; any we do not defend vigorously will be taken.

As long as we're voting for actors by shadowbearer · 2010-03-21 15:14 · Score: 1

Edward James Olmos.

"There is no latino race, no caucasian race,... there's just the Human race! So say we all!"

So say we all. Well, those of us without a personal agenda, anyway.

SB

--
It's old. The more humans I meet, the more I like my cats. At least they are honest.

Comment removed by account_deleted · 2010-03-21 15:16 · Score: 1

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Zaphod at your service. by PDX · 2010-03-21 15:18 · Score: 1

Being President ain't easy, but it's good to be the king!

hmm by drinkypoo · 2010-03-21 15:31 · Score: 1

I must be getting old. That's 'bare' your teeth. Though in this case, it's particularly hilarious. Raar!

--
"You're right," Fisheye says. "I should have set it on 'whip' or 'chop.'"

Unlikely ET would ever contact humans ... by TalkingShoes · 2010-03-21 15:51 · Score: 1

... after all, we're made out of meat

Who speaks to aliens? by rossdee · 2010-03-21 15:56 · Score: 1

Sigourney Weaver of course

Carl Rove by newdsfornerds · 2010-03-21 16:00 · Score: 1

I can't think of anyone with more integrity. Just kidding.

--
Damping absorbs vibrations. Dampening is caused by moisture.

Diplomat??? by Joce640k · 2010-03-21 16:00 · Score: 1

Diplomats only exist because some politician or other wants to convince other people that their agenda is the way to go. They're there to spin things, hide truths, cut deals and/or get lower prices (and eat your food).

Dawkins is a bit wishy-washy when you get him to think on his feet. Sagan would have been good but he's dead.

I vote for somebody with a massive dose of common sense and fair play, eg. Penn Jilette.

--
No sig today...

I vote for Penn Jillette by Joce640k · 2010-03-21 16:02 · Score: 1

Charismatic, pragmatic, plenty of common sense, tells it straight and you'd have a hard time pulling a fast one on him.

--
No sig today...

Obvious Choice by kaoshin · 2010-03-21 16:15 · Score: 1

The president in Mars attacks, Jack Nicholson.

No matter how you'd LIKE it to happen... by Polo · 2010-03-21 16:33 · Score: 1

...it will be a ragtag group of kids who makes first contact.

Of course the Military won't like it, and will try to horn in on things, with weapons ready and no sense of humor -- and an intergalactic war will almost break out.

But it will turn out having the kids break the ice is really a good idea after all, and the world will be saved.

Poetry or Books by Fnord666 · 2010-03-21 16:35 · Score: 1

Under no circumstances should you allow them to read you any poetry.
If they have a book entitled To Serve Man you might want to run also.

--
'The tyrant will always find pretext for his tyranny.' - Aesop's Fables

How Things Will Probably Go by Fnord666 · 2010-03-21 16:41 · Score: 1

This short story is one of my favorites and pretty much sums up how I think it will go:
Sentient Meat

--
'The tyrant will always find pretext for his tyranny.' - Aesop's Fables

Pauly Shore - nomsg by Locutus · 2010-03-21 17:12 · Score: 1

we suck, enough said.

LoB

--
"Anyone who stands out in the middle of a road looks like roadkill to me." --Linus

What are they smoking? by GNUALMAFUERTE · 2010-03-21 17:25 · Score: 1

What supporting evidence do you care to offer us to help establish your credibility as a being or entity of Extraterrestrial Intelligence? Although it is not required at the start, any evidence to support your claim that you are a nonhuman or non terrestrial visitor, using the Internet, will greatly facilitate our further interaction.

I don't know, but I do want some.

--
WTF am I doing replying to an AC at 5 A.M on a Friday night?

Obligatory Ogden Nash reference by Ichijo · 2010-03-21 18:00 · Score: 1

If called by an alien panther,
Don't anther.

--
Any sufficiently unpopular but cohesive argument is indistinguishable from trolling.

Why would ET want to talk? by fearlezz · 2010-03-21 18:42 · Score: 1

Do you want to talk to your hamburger before eating it?

--
.sig: No such file or directory

Why a single point of contact? by HumanEmulator · 2010-03-21 20:26 · Score: 1

Why are we assuming aliens would want a single point of contact? Unless they truly had a singular consciousness you would think they would understand that different groups of people would have different viewpoints. Once they are engaging in communication (either as their first contact or after some initial accidental encounter) you would think they would either communicate with multiple people or choose their point of contact based on their own criteria.

And realistically speaking: Could humanity organize in such a way that a single person could even be designated as the representative? Wouldn't the disenfranchised parties would attempt to slip notes under their door, assuming it doesn't turn into an all out shouting match?

If there's anything I learned from movies by dushkin · 2010-03-21 20:41 · Score: 1

It'll probably be the president of the US. Obama is brushing up on his Martian I hear.

--
o hai

Can I ask you a question? by Hognoxious · 2010-03-21 22:17 · Score: 1

Hey dawg, it's simple: just offer to offer help.

Why do I have to do all the thinking around here?

--
Confucius say, "Find worm in apple - bad. Find half a worm - worse."

Re:I do. by LordSnooty · 2010-03-21 22:18 · Score: 2, Insightful

Next question, please.

Nice to meet you. Would you kindly take me to your leader?

joker ET by ericdujardin · 2010-03-21 23:05 · Score: 1

What is their process in case an ET impersonates into a human, just for fun ?

Davis is a hack by Rogerborg · 2010-03-21 23:10 · Score: 1

If he gets to speak to ET, the first thing he'll do is try to sell them a copy of his book "Why Nobody Gets it But Me, the Smarterest Man Ever"

--
If you were blocking sigs, you wouldn't have to read this.

Re:I do. by PopeRatzo · 2010-03-21 23:51 · Score: 1

I was thinking John Boehner.

The aliens would take one look at Boehner and say "Hey, look! We're not the first extraterrestrials to visit here"!

--
You are welcome on my lawn.

Re:I do. by PopeRatzo · 2010-03-21 23:52 · Score: 1

Buddy, that is much funnier than my original post. I wish I could divert some of the mod points to you.

--
You are welcome on my lawn.

What if ET isn't a nice guy? by warren.oates · 2010-03-22 00:31 · Score: 1

I mean, everyone thinks that ET will be some kind of Yang science-fiction saviour, (s)he'll cure cancer and possess a quantum computer to deal with them prime numbers very quickly and then there'll be No More War and then the future will shine with a glowing white light halleluhahaha ...

But what if ET shows up and it's just a gang of uneducated thugish assholes who've stolen a spaceship that they only barely know how to operate and they've crashed it here and then the Tough family welcome them into their homes and right away call the president or the US of A?

Doesn't anyone read Flannery O'Connor anymore? Or Stephen King, for that matter.

--
Doh.

Re:I do. by AC-x · 2010-03-22 01:15 · Score: 1

I, on behalf of all humanity, would like to ask our esteemed extra terrestrial visitors...

Tits or GTFO!

Ban Ki-moon by Explodicle · 2010-03-22 02:22 · Score: 2, Interesting

I'd imagine the Secretary-General of the United Nations would be the most reasonable choice. He's the closest thing Earth has to "our leader".

We have plenty of time by DirkDaring · 2010-03-22 02:43 · Score: 1

...to answer this question.

Probably about 25 million years.

Re:I do. by Inda · 2010-03-22 05:00 · Score: 1

He said kdawson.

You said muppet. Kind of redundant and yet you got a +1 funny.

--
This post contains benzene, nitrosamines, formaldehyde and hydrogen cyanide.

Comment removed by account_deleted · 2010-03-22 06:40 · Score: 1

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Re:I do. by kiore · 2010-03-22 15:13 · Score: 1

Maybe, but if you hadn't made your post I never would have thought of mine which we both got a good laugh out of. So teamwork strikes again and we both win.

Do you even have to ask ? by shnull · 2010-03-23 00:59 · Score: 1

Y me ofcourse

--
beware he who denies you access to information for in his mind, he already deems himself to be your master (SMAC-ish)

Re:Too abstract by oliverthered · 2010-03-23 04:39 · Score: 1

I'm not sure the question is what should be said, but who should say it.

--
thank God the internet isn't a human right.

Re:You can't plan that way... by shadowbearer · 2010-03-23 08:37 · Score: 1

Atheism is not a religion. It is the ABSENCE of religious beliefs. But won't disagree with RD not having an agenda - his agenda is to rid the world of silly superstitious nonsense. Seems to be a good thing, to me. However that is why I suggested his name somewhat tongue in cheek :) As to communication - yes, it's very likely we won't be able to communicate with an alien race at all. But I doubt it will be because of any limitations on their part. More likely, ours. SB

--
It's old. The more humans I meet, the more I like my cats. At least they are honest.

Speaking for humanity by alexo · 2010-03-29 02:48 · Score: 1

If and when first contact is made, all hell will break loose with every "leader" doing whatever in their power in order to secure their own private interests (and screw the populations they "represent", as usual).

After the dust settles, I suspect that those controlling the biggest sticks will reach some agreement about calling the shots.

Alternatively, it is quite conceivable that we will manage to destroy ourselves in the process of figuring that out.

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