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"I've been working for five days without any sleep to finish this report. At first I had a mental block. But on the fourth day I was visited by an Incan monkey god who told me what to write. Now I just have to find somebody who can translate his simple but beautiful language."

So it's really just a case of burnin, though at least he doesn't have to turn the computer on anymore...

No, he's in management. The computer is just a cardboard prop that came with the desk.

He just needs to upgrade the desk.

(With apologies to Scott Adams for stealing his gag)

This strip seems especially relevant.

I already read that yesterday you insenstive clod!

This strip seems especially relevant.

This Dilbert comic which ran in the paper recently.

Dilbert!

...I am a Citizen of the United States of America...

Funny I had you down as an Induhvidual of the United States of America !

Especially with the latest new security measures!

Also, today's Dilbert got a good one on this: http://www.dilbert.com/comics/dilbert/archive/imag es/dilbert20024398640114.gif

You'd enjoy Dilbert. Your comment reminds me of the pointy-haired boss.

Alice got downsized today :-(((
This REALY sucks ;-)

This thype of activity, and other similar activity is, unfortunately, not limited to Goverment agencies. Managers everywhere simply don't grasp the need for security. My present client, which is in NOT in the government, acutally had a Production Environment web server residing, fully exposed, on the DMZ. The project manager wanted it that way. At least, he did so until we started asking why they didn't move it fully behind the firewall.

In short, inside every manager is a pointy-haired boss. It's not just limited to government.

Pointy Haired Boss

It's nerd for a manager who doesn't know shit and doesn't actually contribute to anything save his own career.

and given enough venture capital, an internet start up will be super profitable on the internet even though it has never made a profit, and doesn't have a sound business plan, and has a super inflated stock price.

But, it does have a great shiny mission statement:

"It's our responsibility to synergistically provide access to world-class sources as well as to assertively facilitate enterprise-wide opportunities" - Dilbert Mission Statment Generator

(Stock brokers in a flurry) BUY! BUY! BUY! BUY! BUY!

Now the URL without the space in the middle...

Reminds me about a joke about computer-illiterate people that started doing the rounds when British libraries began to introduce cheap (later free) internet access:

Customer: Excuse me, do you have the Internet here?
Librarian: Yes, sir - the computer suite is over there, I'll be along to help you in a moment.
Customer: Oh, I didn't want to use a computer. Do you have it in book form?

What's next - Online! - The Rock Opera, written by Pete Townshend and Bill Gates?

Ever since I was a young boy, I've been a techie geek,
From dial-up BBSs, to broadband fast and sleek,
Downloading Linux .isos, md5sums and all,
Though I find books for dummies, a real-pain-in-the-b@lls...
(Sung to the tune of "Pinball Wizard")

Rat: The key to being a great poet is to be so obscure that nobody can understand you, much less criticize you.

"Atop the fog
the zebra's buttocks
angry at my
mother's sloth"

Don't tell anyone my secret.

Goat: I don't think I'll have to.


Pearls Before Swine

Reminds me of today's Dilbert:
http://www.dilbert.com/comics/dilbert/archive/imag es/dilbert2003111108929.gif

Antivirus software makers did this

Well The Boss of course. Whatever kind of manager is there?

"Opus: Who says there's money in comics?"
Answer: Scott Adams does, because you get to do nothing but slack off and make fun of people all day, but you are paid for it. As opposed to most people who slack off and make fun of people all day, but are paid for some other duty, like manager or peon or programmer.

I miss Bill the Cat, who was my fav toon when I was a kid.

...when this is free.

Ok, let's get down to it... really the most important thing for any engineer to be reading (especially if they work in corporate America) is Dilbert. Get on it!

This looks like it came directly from the Dilbert mission statement generator.

here.

I was struck by Microsoft's about-face on proprietary data formats when I attended their "Microsoft Office System Launch" (details here) earlier this month.

On the "Development" track, I was hoping to get some information on interfacing Office tools as objects in an existing (very large) VB application. Well, I didn't get that, but I did get to see how Microsoft is using XML to cut off one of Open Source software's big draws: open file formats. As mentioned, one of the big selling points was that you no longer have to install an app like Word on your server. You can instead use any XML-generating program to create fully compliant Word/Excel/Whatever files.

So if the PHB was almost talked into Open Source by the security issues of installing a virus portal like Word on a trusted system behind the firewall, Microsoft just cut your legs off.

An interesting case of "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, *then* beat 'em."

By the way, I bailed out of the "Development" track at lunch. The presentation didn't get into code at all... it was just a demo of how new features in Word will now allow anyone to create XML Schemas and "Solutions" (groups of schemae), and thereby call themselves a "programmer". Just what we need, another way to quickly generate bloated, write-only code.

By the way, before anyone else thinks of it, I already sent Scott Adams a note suggesting that Catbert needs a Space Ghost desk.

Bill Gates just made the Adam Osborne mistake. He announced "WinFX", whatever that is, as the improvement to .NET. Now a significant number of people will wait for WinFX, and Microsoft will lose the profits it would have had from those who wait.

Dilbert wags the dog

I think thats Douglass adams that you're refering to. Scott is still alive and sarcastic.

Probably, but I think that any of those formats would confuse the hell out of the people we are sending files to. For example, we use WinImage, and have occasionally sent boot disks to customers in this format. And, I think, you would be amazed at how hard it is for some of the recipients to download WinImage (I usually email them a link to CNet's download.com page for it), install and run it to make a boot disk. Trying to convince them that there are other compressed file formats would be a nightmare all its own. And our programmers? I would have never thought it possible before I started working here, but I don't think most of them would be able to get their email if our IT department hadn't configured Outlook for them. Heck, one of the jokes in my department is that the scariest thing to see is an engineer with a screwdriver. This belief tends to get re-enforced when I am explaining to one of them how to use the program they wrote.
Is this to say that we couldn't get around it if necessary, no, we could. I have just become tired of fighting, we have a system now that (sort of) works, so I'm not going to bother trying to do it another way. Sure, its a defeatist attitude, but then considering the value of this company's stock, and the management just spewing the same rosy future crap they have always spewed, I'm not exactly motivated to go to great lenths to accomplish things. Basically, I am becomming the Wally of our office. I would work, but its eaiser to wait for the project to either be cancled or get so far out of hand that we finally get enough answers to get it done right.

Maybe it just a way PHBs tend to behave? At least according to this Dilbert:
Dilbert

There are other interesting differences too. Here are last year's results.

Pfft, goatse is so old, behold the new.

They bought Elbonia since most of their software development is done there anyway.

I don't know if you're kidding or not, but if you aren't, look at dilbert.com and read through the comic archive. The boss in the comics has pointy hair, is technically and socially innept and is part of the reason his company is failing.

It's now a derogatory term used to mock those in management who don't know their arse from their face, i.e. are totally useless and only there because nobody has the guts to fire or demote them (see also, the peter principle and the dilbert principle)

If you feel lucky, it takes you right to the source...

Mark

PS yes, I know the link doesn't actually have the definition of PHB, nor the acronym itself; but that's the sort of response you should give your PHB - exactly correct, yet useless; and preferably inciting a feeling of stupidity for asking you even once, and a dread of admitting they don't understand the answer.

PPS The above rambling run-on sentence included for any PHBs who clicked the link, in order to make them feel at home.

PPPS More PS than actual comment, should be caught by the lameness filter :)

PPPPS As should excessive smilies :)

Pointy Haired Boss

It's a Reference to the Boss in the Dilbert Comic Strip

PHB = Pointy-haired boss. A reference to Dilbert.

Pointy haired boss, Dilbert reference.

So, McBride is really Dilbert!

That's it, I'm going to start collating references to stupid management decisions causing untold damage because of management ignorance. Please post your examples here....

I think someone has you beat. While many examples in Adams' books are obviously just plain funny, some of them are scary when you think about the possible consequences of the actions.

Origin: Dilbert

You mean this one? :P

I think he's living in the future (or else todays is just more apropos.) It's here.

link

Scott Adams has been pointing out that managers never listen to engineers for years...

Hey, just because it's superfluous doesn't mean it's not a selling point. Remember, pointy-haired management sometimes get on fads ("We'll only buy products that support XML!" "But sir, that's a toaster.")

Looks like they use the "Dilbert Mission Statement Generator rev 1.0", those Diebold people are pretty smart.

Obligatory dilbert dump:
http://www.dilbert.com/comics/dilbert/archive/dilb ert-20030827.html

Never underestimate one's ability to make a total ass of themselves in the heat of the moment, even despite multiple important looking pieces of paper at prestigious learning institutions.

Heh... today's Dilbert was about Asok, an IIT-ian (India).