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Father Guido Sarducci: It was. It was a real thrill, Bill. It was just terrific. But now I'm a little down. I have what my psychiatrist calls "post-papal depression." ... Was such a high, you know, bein' on that tour and now it's over. Only thing I didn't like about the tour was the merchandising. They had, like, Pope T-shirts, Pope buttons, posters, banners, anything you can think of. You know, you can call me anti-materialistic if you want to but I just don't think it's right for somebody to make a T-shirt, put a person's picture on it, and then not to give that person part of the percentage of the profits. ... I mean, look at this. It's amazing. [holds up a Pope T-shirt] If you buy T-shirt like this, it's not just for the T-shirt you buy it -- it's because the Pope is on it. If you just want a T-shirt, you can go to J. C. Penney's 'stead of going through all the traffic and crowds. But the Pope, from this T-shirt, I'll tell you what he got. He got absolutely zero. It was a rip-off. First, they did it to Mr. Bill, now the Pope. ... [applause]

No, its an SNL skit. I was Shatner. http://snltranscripts.jt.org/86/86hgetalife.phtml

Ugh, Qwest. No CS after 6PM local time or on weekends, they wield control over 3-4 utilities if you let them, and they're quick to disconnect all of them within seven days after the due date. Oh, and you can't access your account online until after you receive your first bill. In our case, that meant that not receiving our first bill resulted in a disconnection within five weeks of having the services turned on. We called, explained, and were still charged a reconnect fee, which we paid. The *following* day we received the disconnect notice in the mail, which had been mailed two days prior (the day before disconnection).

In my opinion, lack of competition gives companies zero incentive to be concerned about customer service. I'm not saying they had any obligation to be flexible, cooperative, understanding, or a pleasure to do business with, but we also had no obligation to stay with them. So we didn't. Everyone should have the option to leave, but that's not possible without competition.

It's been proven there are next to difference between how different layouts affect your typing.

Possible responses:

1. [Trivial] What?

2. [Condescending] Try typing that again.

3. [Pedantic] [Citation needed.]

4. [Professional] It's been shown that the differences are trivial among those first learning to touch-type. Move an experienced, 60 wpm QWERTY typist to another layout, though, and watch him suffer. I've been reading Jensen Harris' blog on the ribbon UI and, frankly, I don't believe a word of his claims that the ribbon is easier to use. His data is based on self-selected users sending data on their real-world activities, plus focus groups, but doesn't include critical factors like:
      (a) using the ribbon, do users not just press buttons but complete their work faster using the ribbon?
      (b) what is the time delay before a function is invoked (indicative of how hard it was to find)?
      (c) how often was a function invoked in error?
      (d) how do these factors vary with user experience with earlier versions of the tool -- keeping in mind that nearly all users of the tool will not be naive users, but experienced users that will have to be re-trained in its use?

It's clear from his blog that the ribbon was invented due to the increasing number of functions placed in MS apps, like Word, and their belief that the menu system was suffering from overload. Jensen also notes that the great majority of these functions are very rarely invoked (in about equal amounts of rarely), yet dismisses accusations that their software has become "bloatware". This leads into something I have long suspected, which is that the MS application business model (of making increasingly sophisticated versions of the basic apps) is unsustainable. I mean, look to the future -- at this rate of increase, Word 2020 will have 500 functions. This is needed in a word processor? A point has to be (or maybe already has been) reached at which one needs separate programs for a floor wax and a dessert topping.

As I said, I'm just not buying it.

Too bad there are no neutral or independent news sources. Sometimes I have to go outside of US web sites to discover another point of view on the news. But then since I am not local to the foreign web site, I cannot be sure it isn't biased as well.

Ever since Reagan got rid of the fairness doctrine, all news has been is spun to the left or right.

I miss the old Saturday Night Live that used to parody the two sides of the news with "Point Counter-Point" with Jane Curtain with the liberal side and Dan Aykroyd on the conservative side.

I'm holding out for the equivalent of the Platinum Mach14. That or the vibrating "power" version.

Indeed. Text link, for those who can't watch youtube where they are:
http://snltranscripts.jt.org/75/75acarlin2.phtml

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/01/01kvalour.phtml

Let's just say I'm pretty sure this video game wouldn't get a tax break...

Does anyone else remember the commercial for Hedley & Wyche from Saturday Night Live?

William Shatner: "You know, before I answer any more questions there's something I wanted to say. Having received all your letters over the years, and I've spoken to many of you, and some of you have traveled... y'know... hundreds of miles to be here, I'd just like to say... GET A LIFE, will you people? I mean, for crying out loud, it's just a TV show! I mean, look at you, look at the way you're dressed! You've turned an enjoyable little job, that I did as a lark for a few years, into a COLOSSAL WASTE OF TIME!"

It's not a conspiracy, it's just a monopolistic provider not responding to customer desires, which is exactly what you'd expect. As far as the iPhone is concerned, AT&T is the phone company.

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/99/99onicotrel.phtml

There was an estimate that it would take about 100 billion to end world hunger; Give everyone a roof, clean water.

That's assuming none of it gets intercepted by warlords.

They don't care. They don't have to. They're the Phone Company. Just ask Ernestine!

"We don't care. We're the phone company. We don't have to."

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/76/76aphonecompany.phtml

You are aware of the concept of inertia, aren't you? I don't care if it still sells. That doesn't make it less crappy. People buy crap all the time, even when a perfectly good alternative is right there beside it. Microsoft is a forgettable operation now. We have plenty of good options before us. But here we are with the old "lead a horse to water" routine. I guess some people still prefer swill. Fine by me.

The Scotch Boutique comes to mind.

"Well, ... we got Windows ... and we got Office ... we got Office ... and we got Windows ... so, what'll it be today?"

Reminds me of a Saturday Night Live fake ad: http://snltranscripts.jt.org/82/82ntexxon.phtml

"Texxon. Do what we say, and nobody gets hurt."

-Mike

Maybe he's Scottish. If It's Not Scottish, It's CRAAAAP!

(Sorry... can't find the video; SNL's crackin' down, I guess. All I got is some transcript.)

There is an unusual set of warnings being distributed with Buckypaper:

Caution: Buckypaper may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.

Buckypaper contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.

Do not use Buckypaper on concrete.

Discontinue use of Buckypaper if any of the following occurs:

• itching
• vertigo
• dizziness
• tingling in extremities
• loss of balance or coordination
• slurred speech
• temporary blindness
• profuse sweating
• or heart palpitations

If Buckypaper begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head.

Buckypaper may stick to certain types of skin.

When not in use, Buckypaper should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration. Failure to do so relieves the makers of Buckypaper, Wacky Products Incorporated, and its namesake, Buckminster Fuller, of any and all liability.

Ingredients of Buckypaper include an unknown glowing green substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.

Buckypaper has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq.

Do not taunt Buckypaper.

So write a better song, and don't sing Happy Birthday.

Doing what you're suggesting may end up having disastrous unintended consequences.

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/94/94klaser.phtml

Warning: Amazin' Laser Can Be Used For Good Or Evil, Please Use Only For Good.

Awesome "Get a life" William Shatner sketch reference.

Its a dessert topping AND and floor wax AND military grade privacy cracking snoop scope!

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/75/75ishimmer.phtml

Hulu was put up by the TV Networks themselves. It's the only legal place to view those clips, and it was the only place I could easily find it. You want to see it, google it yourself, but here is a summary with pics: transcript.

In addition, the fed are painting contradictory pictures of Ivins when it suits them: was he a sorority-obsessed homicidal madman in the middle of a psychiatric breakdown or a meticulous criminal mastermind leaving no detail to chance?

What? There's some reason he couldn't be both?

Seriously, though, it's possible that he was an accomplice to the real bad guy. I'm usually the first to quote Hanlon's razor, but Dick Cheney seems to think that he's a character in a Tom Clancy novel and I can see this sort of scenario happening:

Ivey worked late to get the anthrax, took off from work to give it to a "plumber" the next day, and went to his early evening appointment to give himself an alibi. After realizing that he'd been lied to about the real purpose of the anthrax, he spent the next seven years acting quirky. When the FBI finally figured out that he was somehow connected, he decided that telling the truth would be as bad as, if not worse than, the accusations and killed himself.

Popularized by Dodgeball, sure. But from dodgeball? I dunno about that.

Wikipedia lists 95 countries producing below replacement rates - that is: a total fertility rate below 2.1. There are 127 countries and territories above the replacement rate, and all that data is only half of the story, without populations in each country.

As has been noted, countries with larger percentages of well educated people have decreasing birth rates, putting more of a burden on the youth and creating a reason to desire immigrants. Of course, Robo-caregivers will help with the weight of the elderly, and when a country is full of wealthy old people, you'd need fewer robo-caregiver repair people than you would human caregivers, so immigrants might not be as welcome as they might be in less technologically advanced times. If only the robots didn't have to live off of medicine.

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/88/88msubliminal.phtml

Why would you want a laptop that you know is insecure?

You can put your weed in there

This argument reminds me of an old Chick Tract that stated that since bananas were so delicious and convenient to eat, that it proved the existence of a kind and benevolent god.

Then the fact that the species of banana most of us know is likely to be wiped out by blight proves what? That God is incompetent? Makes sense to me.

As Carlin put it: "I think His work.. shows that. Take a look at a mountain range - they're all crooked, they're never in line. All different sizes. There are no two leaves that same. He can't even give two people the same fingerprints! He's had BILLIONS of years to work on some of this stuff! And EVERYTHING He has ever MADE.. DIED!!"

I realize the irony in posting a link to this, but the sentiment holds.

Better get some Robot Insurance [jt.org]

Call me when they break the $200 barrier.

Obligatory quote :

"Oh My GOD!
  Do you mean the USAF now has a working version of the Penis Mightier ?? They're sitting on a goldmine I tell you ! If it works I'll order a dozen !"

(or something among those lines, here's a link to the actual transcript : http://snltranscripts.jt.org/98/98pjeopardy.phtml (still makes me laugh out aloud =))

Goodnight Ernestine, wherever you are!

And there were only two things I can't get. One is a "Kohjinsha SH8 Series UMPC". They didn't bother defining their acronyms so I have no clue what a UMPC is so it gets a big yawn from me.

I don't know what a UMPC is either, so it just isn't as drool-worthy as a good countersink flange.

We have enough food to feed everyone, but we don't.

A lot of that has to do with the warlords in various nations, as Bill Clinton tells us.

But seriously, yes. "Feed the world" only works if we're willing to usurp all of the local governments of the world (particularly some of the more poorly-behaved African nations) and handle the entire supply chain ourselves (USA/UN/whoever).

And as predicted 31 years ago (damn I'm old), the IM'ers of the future will use the Decibet:

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/75/75rdecabet.phtml

thank you!

That's pretty close to the SNL skit with Jack Black! http://snltranscripts.jt.org/01/01kbirthday.phtml

Life imitates art, or vice versa?

It must be this gun club.

You know, I've been somewhere else where they don't let you decide what you want to drink: Red China.

They got an Olympia Cafe there, too?

We have two parties and that makes it too easy for them to run negative campaigns against the other party.

Genius!

I prefer Swill, myself.

That reminds me of the sketch Jimmy Fallon did on SNL where he was the web-casting dorm guy.

Jarret: Now give it up for my best friend and my roommate Goby.

(Goby walks in and places his face in front of the camera)

Goby: Domo we already got the weed smoking robot. Domo (turns head toward Jarret) Domo, Domo, Domo.

(Laughs while he sits down)

Jarret: What a minute; weed-smoking robot. What are you talking about?

Goby: I'm talking about my masterpiece. I've invented the world's first weed smoking robot. I give you Smoketron 3000.

... Robot smokes weed and starts freaking out... Smoketron 3000: Dude check this out this will freak your beans, what if I'm the human and you are the robot.

Jarret, Skyler and Goby: (Enthusiastcly) Wooaa

Smoketron 3000: Oh man I'm freaking out. I think this stuff was laced; I've gotta get outta here.

Goby: Robot, cool out.

(Smoketron 3000 begins going out of control as he begins rolling toward the window. A window cracking his heard.)

Smoketron 3000: (Said as he is falling out of the window.) I REGRET NOTHING!!!

(An object falling on a car is heard as the alarm begins to sound. Jarret looks at Goby confused as Skyler laughs.)

Skyler: That robot just totally jumped out that window!

Jarret: Wow.

Goby: (In a sad voice) He was a good dude.

Jarret: No he wasn't a good dude he was a bad robot.

Goby: Yea, but still!

Jarret: Well that's our show DJ Feinsten take us out!

Then they apparently quit caring.

They don't have to. They're the Phone Company.

For anyone who doesn't get this, it's a reference to AT&T's monopoly days when Saturday Night Live had a sketch starting Lilly Tomlin in '76 called simply enough... "The Phone Company." Surprisingly, I can't find a YouTube video.

I don't think it's much of a surprise to anyone that AT&T might end up the weak link in this partnership. But I submitted this story because I think it shows just how different some companies (like Apple) view the consumers compared to others (like AT&T). This just happened to be a fantastic example of just how different the two ends of the spectrum are.

Of course, if you were to look through enough of my posts, you'd see I don't have much regard for cell phone companies (or cable companies, or...). But then again that's quite common on Slashdot.