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Except that a Klein bottle has no inside. Nice try, though.

You can buy one here: http://www.kleinbottle.com/

http://www.kleinbottle.com/ Lots of fun stuff. Anyone reading can give me this shit.

Can't resist tooting my own horn. These are from my Klein bottle website:

    TOPOLOGY CONSULTANT Part-time design of low-dimensional manifolds in glass, wool, plastic, titanium, niobium, pentium, and unobtanium. Ideal candidate is fresh out of college with 20 years experience in applied topology; and can solve Poincare's, Heawood's, and Hodge's conjectures. Pay & benefits are epsilon above unemployment. Compensation package includes trillions in worthless stock options.

    GLASSBLOWER Construct borosilicate manifolds using lampwork. Handy with glass lathe, oxy-hydrogen torch, and bandaids. Must know the usual cuss words to describe breaks & cracks. Experienced in minor burn treatment. Special bonus if you know the difference between inside and outside.

    MANIFOLD OPERATOR. Curvaceous, conformal Riemannian vector field desires normalized Ricci tensor with nice eigenvalues. Will relocate within proper metric space. No polymorphic permutations, please.

    From http://www.kleinbottle.com/job...

Yes, I am sending out Klein bottles, in plenty of time for Christmas. And, yes, my website also carries copies of my book.
http://www.kleinbottle.com/

Cheers,
-Cliff

I doubt he can fill an order in time for Christmas. And it doesn't look like they carry signed copies of "The Cuckoo's Egg".

http://www.kleinbottle.com/drinking_mug_klein_bottle.htm

These can make you drink to excess too.

aka a Klein Stein

http://www.kleinbottle.com/drinking_mug_klein_bottle.htm

Especially without a Klein bottle coffee cup.

Yeah, those are expensive. I try to drink only beverages that don't make me violent in klein bottles.

http://www.kleinbottle.com/

They're $35 for the cheapest, and sometimes have a long lead time. For vodka, I'll stick to what ever is clean.

You're the Klein Bottle Guy? That's got to be the best tongue-in-cheek site selling an actual product, in the history of ever.

Not surprisingly, you were too modest to plug your site, so I'll do it for you: Acme Klein Bottle.

Sample awesomeness, from the Conditions of Acme's Unconditional Guarantee:

We at Acme Klein Bottle strive to create the finest nonorientable surfaces and hope that you will be satisfied with your new Acme manifold. For this reason, we are pleased to offer this UNCONDITIONAL GUARANTEE complete with these conditions:

* We unconditionally guarantee your Acme Klein Bottle to be free of any defects in workmanship or workwomanship for a period of ONE YEAR following purchase. If you aren't satisfied with your Acme Klein Bottle -- for any reason -- just return it for a refund or replacement. You pick up shipping charges.

* We guarantee safe arrival. If your Klein Bottle arrives broken, call or send email and we will immediately send a replacement.

* We slightly guarantee your Klein Bottle for THREE MONTHS against any cracks or breakage, whether due to earthquakes, clumsy undergrads, or greasy fingers. Just mail us a fragment and $10, and we will send a replacement.

* We warrant each Acme Klein Bottle for a period of FIVE YEARS to be absolutely free of any magnetic monopoles. If you discover one, contact us immediately and we will refund your purchase price right after claiming the Nobel Prize.

* Furthermore, we guarantee for TEN YEARS that any polyhedron spanning your unbroken Acme Klein Bottle will have about as many edges as the sum of its vertices plus faces.

* We further warrant for ONE MILLION YEARS that within a Euclidean plane, the square of a right triangle's hypotenuse will equal the sum of the squares of the two remaining legs.

In addition, Acme's provides this exclusive LIFETIME GUARANTEE: We guarantee that you will live your entire lifetime, or double your money back.

If they're mathematically inclined or simply onesided - http://www.kleinbottle.com/

The Klein bottle manufacturer guarantees unconditionally the following:

• We warrant each Acme Klein Bottle for a period of FIVE YEARS to be absolutely free of any magnetic monopoles. If you discover one, contact us immediately and we will refund your purchase price right after claiming the Nobel Prize.
• Furthermore, we guarantee for TEN YEARS that any polyhedron spanning your unbroken Acme Klein Bottle will have about as many edges as the sum of its vertices plus faces.
• We further warrant for ONE MILLION YEARS that within a Euclidean plane, the square of a right triangle's hypotenuse will equal the sum of the squares of the two remaining legs.

I have contacted them to notify them of this and to request a refund of my Klein bottle purchase. If you also have a Klein bottle I highly recommend doing the same!

But... you can put about a pint into a Klein Stein.

Have fun:

http://www.kleinbottle.com/

Is an Erlenmeyer Klein Bottle legal in Texas? http://www.kleinbottle.com/erlenklein.htm

Why get a printed one when you can get a nice hand-blown one from someone well-known in our field?

..or if you want to go to where you can buy your own look as KleinBottle.com. Those of you who've read the Cookoo's Egg may just recognise the name of the owner too.

Reminds me of an annual party held by the 300+ people of my university's marching band (I was dating a member) -- Duct Tape. Most people would obtain an article of clothing from Goodwill and cover it (including whole suits) but others would construct skirts, tops, etc. entirely from duct tape.

Another amusing band party was where the host wrote a noun on the back of every guest's left hand, and an adjective or verb on the right. It was sort of like mad libs or magnetic poetry. You could probably come up with a number-oriented way of doing this -- maybe an operator on one hand and a number on the other, see if people can make valid equations.

the nerdiest Halloween party I went to was mad-scientist themed.

Definitely serve the drinks out of klein bottles.

Obligatory link to Cliff Stoll's Klein Bottle site: http://www.kleinbottle.com/

what are you talking about? Klein bottles can be made...

http://www.kleinbottle.com/

Actually, it is more that reality isn't offended by topology:

http://www.kleinbottle.com/ look real enough to me.

KLein bottles! Get your Klein bottles!

No, not really.

He makes the best zero-volume manifolds money can buy and has a neat collection of mechanical calculators.

Go look up a Klein bottle.

Better yet, buy one.

Drat. Now I'll have to go shopping for a surface-less table. Perhaps "Klein Bottles-R-Us" has what I need...

Cliff has already answered that kind of questions in his FAQ: http://www.kleinbottle.com/acme_faq.htm - search for "wait a second" (no anchors for a direct link ...)

b4n

http://www.kleinbottle.com/

There it could be a bit problematic to say weather its half full or empty, topologically :)

keep us from drinking anything at all.

It was pretty disappointing to waste my once-in-almost-a-lifetime opportunity in Geneva on eating at the CERN café I'm glad I didn't miss too much.

We don't do a whole lot of 'science vacationing', though I take in science centers and botanical gardens whenever I can. In Vancouver, I take in the science center in the big Olympic golf ball. Last time I was there, there was a China exhibit with papermaking and a spouting bowl (I loved these so much, I ordered one from Acme Klein Bottle :) The observatory on Vancouver Island near Victoria has some fantastic little tours and a great visitor center, including a nearly-portable planetarium (seriously, it seats maybe 8 people) and some displays (I got a chuckle out of the Big Bang exhibit, which was shut down with an appropriate sign "Still Working The Bugs Out" :)

We did get some CERN postcards and send them off to people, and took pictures in front of all the used equipment anyways :)

Thanks for the kind offer of a tour! The probability of us going that way is small, and we're likely to interfere with ourselves *grin*, but if we do happen to be by Denmark in the next few years, we'll look you up, and if it's later, we'll try anyhow!

Kind regards,

-- Ritchie :)

He does other cool stuff too. After you're done reading his book, don't forget to buy one of Cliff's bottles.

By the by - the parent was a Total Troll, but a fairly insightful Troll, IMHO. At least he didn't accuse George Bush of being the goatse man, or something...

RS

Q:
What happens when your head gets so far up your arse that it pops out your neck?

A:
You turn into a Klein bottle.

You make it sound as if MS will soon be a closed, non-orientable, boundary-free manifold.

For the overclocked CPUs, store the liquid coolant in a Klein bottle... and use Moebius cables to connect all the components.

That would be so r4d d00d!

The Klein Hat you requested

There is no beer "inside" my stein.

For a hands-on example, get your own zero-volume, non-orientable klein bottle here.

... from www.kleinbottle.com

How about a Klein's Bottle for a coffee mug or a hat !

I think you mean, on the surface of the klein bottle. A surface, has no "inside". But hey... you can buy your own and put the turbine any where you want :).

Remember to stock up on Klein bottles now, so you'll have something to drink out of once the kleinstar forms. ;-)

Somebody's gotta make a bong outta one of those things...It would be so fitting. Smoke up enough, and you just might be able to imagine its true 4-dimensional form.

"While these objects may abound in the universe, they also say that our entire universe may reside within a giant gravastar." That statement makes no sense - its saying that everything that exists or can exist, exists inside something else. Where does THAT exist?

The last thing that gets sucked into the gravastar is the gravastar itself, which results in the formation of what scientists call a kleinstar, a four-dimensional construct where the inside is the outside (and vice versa). This neatly avoids any issues arising from the concept of having the universe contained within something that is itself within the universe, by moving the whole discussion into the realm of mathematical topology -- which nobody understands, but which we're all too embarassed to admit.

Remember to stock up on Klein bottles now, so you'll have something to drink out of once the kleinstar forms. ;-)

Thirsty?

Klein Bottle Coffee Mug

I haven't mustered up the nerve to actually drop $80 for one of these yet, but they would definitely impress at parties!

ACME Klein Bottle!

OTOH, they did say science lovers, not topology geeks...

Don't just get the book, buy a Clifford Stoll Klein Bottle too!

When I walk outside I rarely ever get excited or even mildly interested in the fact that numerous other people are in my vicinity. In fact the trend in highly populated cities is to ignore your neighbors.

I think that it was Cliff Stoll who said that computers make us disconnect from our neighbors and families. This software facilitates a society where everyone knows each other without actually having met.

I can imagine a cafe with several people chatting, only every one of them is looking into his/her computer screen utterly oblivious that they are chatting with the person beside them.

"Software for shy people - We make you new friends... so YOU don't have to!"

Rant over and out. I have to answer someone on IRC...

Grease it up with petroleum jelly. Now spray paint it. Do a good job, adding several coats

I did that with the goatse.cx guy. After I was done I had a really nice Klein Bottle.

a hyperactive squirrel on the virge on overdosing on caffeine you mean. But yes, Cliff is wise. He's also handy. Check out his Klein bottles

Which is easy, of course, as both are instances of a torus.

What really impresses me was turning a Klein bottle into a coffee cup... resulting in the Klein Stein

(Why yes, that's a shameless plug for Cliff Stoll's Klein Bottles. And despite the fact that it's toplogically identical to every other Klein bottle, and therefore definitely not a torus, I gotta say the Klein Stein is an amazing bit of glasswork. It holds a lot of liquid for something with no volume.)