Slashdot Mirror

Thees veek ve-a cooght up veet Oopera fuoonder und CEO Jun fun Tetzchner tu deescooss thees, und sume-a ooff zee thurneeer chellenges feceeng zee cumpuny. Bork bork bork!

[rinkworks.com]

Su ve-a sterted veet a beeggie-a - ves zee veb leefeeng Oopera beheend?

Isn't it joost getteeng herder tu keep up veet zee veb, ispeceeelly oon mubeele-a?

Sufftvere-a ingeeneers veell elveys feend veys tu meke-a a defeece-a seem sloo. I'm a sufftvere-a ingeeneer - I knoo I deed. Bork bork bork! Veet Oopera Meeni zeere-a ere-a sume-a theengs thet mey nut vurk, boot must theengs vurk fery qooeeckly. Bork bork bork! Ve-a deed feesooel cumpereesuns ooff Oopera Meeni in zee lebs, useeng zee seme-a vebseetes Stefe-a Jubs used et zee loonch ooff zee iPhune-a demunstreteeng hoo qooeeckly it roons oon GPRS egeeens zee iPhune-a oon Vee-Fee. Oon GPRS, Meeni is fester. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Ve-a deed it fur foon. Bork bork bork!

Oopera Meeni is nut zee seme-a es zee brooser yuoo hefe-a oon iPhune-a, oor desktup Oopera - zeere-a ere-a theengs Oopera cun du thet Meeni cun't du, boot fur must generel uses Meeni dues zee jub.

Undroo Broon, a beeg fun ooff Oopera, vrute-a thet he-a chuse-a tu mufe-a tu FureFux [rinkworks.com] (http://vvv.gooerdeeun.cu.uk/technulugy/2007/mer/2 2/medeea.cumment) becoose-a it ves mure-a cumpeteeble-a veet noo vebseetes, pertly ceeting Fleeckr cumpeteebility. Bork bork bork! Du yuoo feel yuoo're-a felleeng beheend?

Ve'fe-a elveys beee mufeeng in a spece-a vhere-a peuple-a cume-a up veet zeeur oovn idees ell zee teeme-a. Noo Netscepe-a 4 is oooot ooff zee merket, su cumpeteebility veet thet isn't su impurtunt; IE6 is fedeeng, vheele-a IE7 hes mure-a cumpeteebility - dues thet meun prublem hes gune-a? Es peuple-a meke-a mure-a und mure-a eppleeceshuns ve-a see-a mure-a und mure-a stunderds. Um gesh dee bork, bork! IE in perteecooler hes its oovn stooffff, boot thet's pert ooff zee reesun us, Epple-a, und Muzeella vurk oon soobmeetting noo stunderds tu zee V3C, und getteeng zeem edupted. Bork bork bork! Su ve're-a qooeete-a oopteemistic.

Oopera CEO Jun Fun Tetzchner

It's a cheeckee und igg seetooeshun, vheech meuns ve-a need tu get mure-a users. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Und ve-a ere-a. Ve-a hefe-a by fer zee must used mubeele-a veb brooser. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Net Eppleeceshuns' soorfey is shooeeng Meeni es zee feefft must used brooser in zee vurld und in sume-a cuoontreees it's beeteeng Sefferee, und oozeers it's beeteeng Muzeella. Zee Neentendu Veei is elsu helpeeng und ve're-a vurkeeng oon noo ferseeun cumeeng oooot. Um de hur de hur de hur.

Ve're-a elsu spendeeng teeme-a veet zee serfeeces, veet Guugle-a und Yehuu! deescoossing cumpeteebility. Bork bork bork!

Tu be-a frunk, it's nut deefffficoolt fur zeem tu meke-a thees vurk. Zeere's oone-a gooy vhu feexed boogs in Guugle-a und he-a used a JefeScreept theeng fur Oopera vheech feexed Meps und Meeel. Ve-a ere-a elsu ecteefely dueeng vhet ve-a cun - chungeeng hoo Oopera identeeffies itselff is oofftee inuoogh tu feex

Thees veek ve-a cooght up veet Oopera fuoonder und CEO Jun fun Tetzchner tu deescooss thees, und sume-a ooff zee thurneeer chellenges feceeng zee cumpuny. Bork bork bork!

[rinkworks.com]

Su ve-a sterted veet a beeggie-a - ves zee veb leefeeng Oopera beheend?

Isn't it joost getteeng herder tu keep up veet zee veb, ispeceeelly oon mubeele-a?

Sufftvere-a ingeeneers veell elveys feend veys tu meke-a a defeece-a seem sloo. I'm a sufftvere-a ingeeneer - I knoo I deed. Bork bork bork! Veet Oopera Meeni zeere-a ere-a sume-a theengs thet mey nut vurk, boot must theengs vurk fery qooeeckly. Bork bork bork! Ve-a deed feesooel cumpereesuns ooff Oopera Meeni in zee lebs, useeng zee seme-a vebseetes Stefe-a Jubs used et zee loonch ooff zee iPhune-a demunstreteeng hoo qooeeckly it roons oon GPRS egeeens zee iPhune-a oon Vee-Fee. Oon GPRS, Meeni is fester. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Ve-a deed it fur foon. Bork bork bork!

Oopera Meeni is nut zee seme-a es zee brooser yuoo hefe-a oon iPhune-a, oor desktup Oopera - zeere-a ere-a theengs Oopera cun du thet Meeni cun't du, boot fur must generel uses Meeni dues zee jub.

Undroo Broon, a beeg fun ooff Oopera, vrute-a thet he-a chuse-a tu mufe-a tu FureFux [rinkworks.com] (http://vvv.gooerdeeun.cu.uk/technulugy/2007/mer/2 2/medeea.cumment) becoose-a it ves mure-a cumpeteeble-a veet noo vebseetes, pertly ceeting Fleeckr cumpeteebility. Bork bork bork! Du yuoo feel yuoo're-a felleeng beheend?

Ve'fe-a elveys beee mufeeng in a spece-a vhere-a peuple-a cume-a up veet zeeur oovn idees ell zee teeme-a. Noo Netscepe-a 4 is oooot ooff zee merket, su cumpeteebility veet thet isn't su impurtunt; IE6 is fedeeng, vheele-a IE7 hes mure-a cumpeteebility - dues thet meun prublem hes gune-a? Es peuple-a meke-a mure-a und mure-a eppleeceshuns ve-a see-a mure-a und mure-a stunderds. Um gesh dee bork, bork! IE in perteecooler hes its oovn stooffff, boot thet's pert ooff zee reesun us, Epple-a, und Muzeella vurk oon soobmeetting noo stunderds tu zee V3C, und getteeng zeem edupted. Bork bork bork! Su ve're-a qooeete-a oopteemistic.

Oopera CEO Jun Fun Tetzchner

It's a cheeckee und igg seetooeshun, vheech meuns ve-a need tu get mure-a users. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Und ve-a ere-a. Ve-a hefe-a by fer zee must used mubeele-a veb brooser. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Net Eppleeceshuns' soorfey is shooeeng Meeni es zee feefft must used brooser in zee vurld und in sume-a cuoontreees it's beeteeng Sefferee, und oozeers it's beeteeng Muzeella. Zee Neentendu Veei is elsu helpeeng und ve're-a vurkeeng oon noo ferseeun cumeeng oooot. Um de hur de hur de hur.

Ve're-a elsu spendeeng teeme-a veet zee serfeeces, veet Guugle-a und Yehuu! deescoossing cumpeteebility. Bork bork bork!

Tu be-a frunk, it's nut deefffficoolt fur zeem tu meke-a thees vurk. Zeere's oone-a gooy vhu feexed boogs in Guugle-a und he-a used a JefeScreept theeng fur Oopera vheech feexed Meps und Meeel. Ve-a ere-a elsu ecteefely dueeng vhet ve-a cun - chungeeng hoo Oopera identeeffies itselff is oofftee inuoogh tu feex

Let me correct that for you:

We is not only behind in science. We is also illiterate. Most varmints nevah read enny classic texts. An' ah will probably make at least one spellin' erro' in this hyar post. Th' problem is lack of stan'ardized curriculum, dawgone it. Almost ev'ry nashun thet is cited as an example of someone we "pow'ful sh'dn't be behind but still are" has a stan'ard curriculum in science, math an' hoominities. We haftao much local opposishun t'it fum all-too-pow'ful skoo marm's unions. This hyar is not meant t'start cornservative vs liberal debate (even though ah happened t'menshun skoo marm's unions). Most of th' time in K-12 a program fo' ejoocaytin' varmints on over a period of 12 years is designed by skoo marms who kin't plan fo' mo'e than 1 year. They doesn't haf th' time o' th' backgroun' t'see "th' trimenjus pitcher" of whar their particular class fits in th' ovahall ejoocayshun. A separeete bureaucracy (thar, now yo' kin't accuse me of bein' too cornservative) of experts on development c'd does a much better job of it by designin' an' tweakin' a curriculum fo' th' entire nashun. China does it. So does Russia an' so does ev'ry European country.

There you go.

Though I like your link, I like this one more, just because Hesse's infamous remark is now enshrined in a fitting place (bottom of page).

Not quite, because you get a really condensed version of the complete story and not just the summary.
Slightly related.. check out movie-a-minute if you havent already. Now _thats_ condensing.

http://www.rinkworks.com/movieaminute/

Where ever you go, there you are.

While quoting yourself is certainly a bit over the top, tautologies can be entertaining.

http://www.rinkworks.com/said/yogiberra.shtml

(and there may be some redemption in the fact that the op is talking about, I think, his sig lines)

If they're told that these are rules, but you don't *really* have to obey them, what other rules will they choose to ignore? Will they ignore the rules about bringing weapons to school? Will they ignore the rules about bringing drugs to school? Will they chose to ignore the rules about cheating on tests?

This isn't about the school district doing anything inappropriate. It's about kids doing something that they knew was inappropriate and being punished appropriately.

The investigation showed solder joints between two components had broken, so a current could no longer pass through them. The breakage was found to occur because the joints loosen slightly every time the computer is turned on and off.

So they burned out the restarting coil? They should know that's not covered under Apple's warranty.

Another good one is http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/

It's quite entertaining. ;)

Check out Book-a-Minute Classics for just that!

Apologies to rinkworks.com.

http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/dialectp.cgi?dial ect=hckr&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.usconstitution.net%2 Fconst.txt

Or get your very own translator program and slashdot http://www.usconstitution.net/const.txt (apologies to them too). Yay!
Or do like I did and search Google for the text of the constitution!

The Illuminati are a secret society that (DRUGS SEX DRUGS) control everything in the world (SEX DRUGS SEX) including all governments, financial institutions, and (DRUGS SEX DRUGS) intelligence agencies. No, they're not. Well, yes they are but not really. (SEX DRUGS SEX) They originated in Bavaria in 1776 (DRUGS SEX DRUGS). No, actually they go all the way back to Atlantis. No, (SEX DRUGS SEX) Atlantis never really existed. Yes it did. It's not just one society (DRUGS SEX DRUGS), it's a whole bunch of them (SEX DRUGS SEX) together. No, it's just one, and they go all the way back to Atlantis, which never (DRUGS SEX DRUGS) existed, oh yes it did. They've had an uninterrupted existence since 30,000 years ago (SEX DRUGS SEX) -- no they actually only go back as far as the 1800s (DRUGS SEX DRUGS). Fnord.

It should ask a question in Jive or Redneck. I'd love to see a native Chinese speaker try to answer this: "Is this hyar a pitcher of a right fine car?"

I have thoroughly enjoyed the aptly titled Computer Stupidities. To be fair, may people really have no reason to know better, but there's a few entries in there that show that all too many people are willing to throw logic out the window, or are gullible beyond belief.

If the user is incapacitated by such a small difference in the layout of menus or toolbars, then he's got more problems than any sysadmin is qualified to deal with.

The myth that Linux can't interact with Windows was blown out of the water years ago, and continuing to repeat it simply generates more heat than light.

Here's a treasure trove of tech support nightmares. http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/

I discovered what I call the Rinkworks site a few years ago. It doesn't get updated very often, but because it's edited, the content is usually pretty good.

"On two occasions, I have been asked [by members of Parliament], 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?' I am not able to rightly apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question."
-- Charles Babbage (1791-1871)

This/these guy(s) has/have some hilarious stories collected.

One thing that many will run into in the computer industry, is
employers who are rather clueless and yet don't necessarily realize
this. In 1996, a friend told me about a boss he had that needed a
C program written for him. After a week, the boss complained that
the program wasn't done, and he asked my friend what was taking so
long.

• Friend: "The program is written, and I'm debugging it."
  
• Boss: "What's wrong with you people? You make programming more
          difficult than it needs to be. I have Frontpage Express to write
          web pages with, and when I write code with it, I never need to debug
          it. If you were as good of a programmer as me, you'd never need to
          debug either."
  

You should check Computer Stupidities for even more funny stories: http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid

You mean, like this: http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/

http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/

I rest my case.

Your contempt for your customers is astonishing. I hope I never work with you.

Dont think of it as contempt. We realise that not everyone is as gifted at "getting it" as we are. Without stupid people we'd be out of a job.

Think of it as the sad somber truth. There are customers/clients/bosses out there who use the IT staff as their personal assistants to do anything that has anything to do with electronics and expect the world to just fall into place.

Computer.. Mishaps

eloquence. a collection of lawyers is "a whole eloquence of lawyers." collective nouns are weird.

No, the correct term apparently is a pack, gang or sneak of weasels, or possibly a boogle or confusion of them:
http://rinkworks.com/words/collective.shtml
http://www.hintsandthings.co.uk/kennel/collectives .htm
http://dictionary.reference.com/writing/styleguide /animal.html

..Or the hair dryer warning that says "Do not use in shower"

Here are more examples of stupid warning labels.

Its sad that these actually have to be on products. I guess some people are really so stupid that they need these.

http://rinkworks.com/stupid/cs_programming.shtml

While it's certainly true that much of the time it is the customer that's stupid, there are stupid tech support people too. http://rinkworks.com/stupid/cs_stuptech.shtml

Minimun wage tend to be detrimental to the quality of Tech Support.

Have some pity for the tech support people — "life on the other end of the tech support line" usually consists of calls from people to whom nothing is obvious, and often won't listen. Several calls seem to be from hell, and some even try to cheat. Once in a while, the support people might hit back, but they're usually not allowed to.
(It's funny, laugh.)

Have some pity for the tech support people — "life on the other end of the tech support line" usually consists of calls from people to whom nothing is obvious, and often won't listen. Several calls seem to be from hell, and some even try to cheat. Once in a while, the support people might hit back, but they're usually not allowed to.
(It's funny, laugh.)

Have some pity for the tech support people — "life on the other end of the tech support line" usually consists of calls from people to whom nothing is obvious, and often won't listen. Several calls seem to be from hell, and some even try to cheat. Once in a while, the support people might hit back, but they're usually not allowed to.
(It's funny, laugh.)

Have some pity for the tech support people — "life on the other end of the tech support line" usually consists of calls from people to whom nothing is obvious, and often won't listen. Several calls seem to be from hell, and some even try to cheat. Once in a while, the support people might hit back, but they're usually not allowed to.
(It's funny, laugh.)

Have some pity for the tech support people — "life on the other end of the tech support line" usually consists of calls from people to whom nothing is obvious, and often won't listen. Several calls seem to be from hell, and some even try to cheat. Once in a while, the support people might hit back, but they're usually not allowed to.
(It's funny, laugh.)

You don't happen to work for Book-A-Minute, do you???

You should consider submitting those to Piers Anthony.

Am I the only one here who looks at Korea, Vietnam, and Iraq and thinks our money would be better spent on a few crates of AK-47's, body armor, and more benefits for the troops?

Well, according to this thing (Swedish Chef setting), it's "Yerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr"

Even if you wrote a phising page that stated in big, bold, blinking letters "This is a Phishing Scam, and if you fall for it we will drain your bank account", some people would still click the link and enter their data.

Some were just born stupid.

http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/cs_obvious.shtml#1

Too bad The Dialectizer throws up an interstitial page when you provide a dialectized page.

I think I found the material they used for the adaptation... http://rinkworks.com/bookaminute/sff.shtml

• Her: "And where are you going?"
• Me: "I'm going to San Francisco to a UNIX convention."
• Her: "Eunuchs convention? I didn't know there were that many of you."

Like this hasn't happened before. Ever.

At least technology has permitted us to rise above the language barrier.

It would be nice if they understood why all the people in these incidents were stupid.

From what I've read, the main source of scratches occurring on the XBox 360 is when the machine is moved while it's turned on. Now, granted, I can see the silliness of changing it from vertical to horizontal with a disc spinning in the drive -- you wouldn't do that with a PC, would you? (Although, Joe Blow's common sense when it comes to electronics is fairly limited, I'll grant you.) However, the fact that you pretty much can't touch the box while it's running without scratching the disk (check out the previous comments about bumping the console, shifting it a little, leveling it off while running) makes me incredibly leery. Think about how many children play console games, and how rough any child is on anything they own... Assuming they follow the parents' instructions and never move the box intentionally, even! And what happens if you have a loose cable in the back or some such that you have to wiggle? Time to get a new copy of your favorite game! Essentially:

1) Market XBox 360's that require only feather-light touches to scratch discs.
2) DRM the media and the console to death so that it's damned-near impossible to play burned backup games of legitimately purchased discs.
3) Warn in manual that no-one ever reads that moving console could kill off media, so as to avoid legal repercussions.
4) Charge each console owner full price for replacements for scratched discs.
5) Profit!

Am I missing anything?

Here you go.

One of the lessons the bloomin' software industry relearns evry generation is that it's always a blokes problem. It's not that blokes are the bleedin' actual problem o'course. It's wen software developers naively use technology ter try ter solve us problems instead of addressin' the underlyin' issues that blokes are actually facin'. Then the wrong fings inevitably 'appen...

The User.

I'm impressed. Folks, we have a new level of "I didn't read the previous posts," but then, this IS Slashdot, and this IS a Microsoft zealot I'm replying to.

So, you think "the user" can decide what media player is installed on their system by default? How do you do this? Do you ring Microsoft, and ask them to make sure, say, RealPlayer is on the system? Forget RealPlayer. Pick a media player, any media player. Now, ring Microsoft and tell them you want that on your system, by default, every time you install.

Go on, I'll wait.

Did they laugh? OK, so ring the company you bought your PC off. Tell them that you want another media player on your system, by default, at install time.

That's assuming they are even allowed to install another media player. Their OEM agreement with Microsoft might not allow them to.

Here's the catch, though: they'll want money in exchange for that modification! I'm not talking about the cost of the media player, I'm talking about the cost of paying the company to install it!

"So? What do you expect? Them to do all that work for free?"

Of course not. Think for a minute, use those critical thinking skills:
why would someone buy another media player when they've got one bundled with the software? The answer is that most people won't! Why not? They're lazy. Any of a large number of reasons! The most common one is that users are afraid of change.

Example: one of my friends installed Firefox on a bunch of machines he was contracted to maintain. Within minutes of that, all the workers were complaining that they couldn't use the new browser. To fix that, he went around all their machines, and recoloured the Firefox logo - he didn't even change it, he didn't give it a new theme, he just repainted it to blue instead of red - and then sat them back down in front of their machines. All the complaints ceased.

Then there was the intelligent and educated woman who had her computer replaced. The SysAdmin reconfigured EVERYTHING on the new machine, so that it was identical to her previous system, and when she came in the next day, she sat down in front of it, and then she rang him up and asked him for help. He explained that the computer was set up exactly like the old one, and she said...
"But I can't use a new computer!"

So, he came around and taught her how to use all the software that she had been using. She didn't say "Oh, this is just like the old one!" Every single thing was new to her.

Don't believe me? Check this out: http://rinkworks.com/stupid/
(You'll also find in there the real story of the guy who took the phone call from the woman who was trying to figure out if her computer was running, during a black out. He did NOT tell her to "take the computer back to the store," because she was "too fucking stupid to own a computer." No, he married her.)

What's the lesson here? It's quite simple: don't assume that, because you're competent with a computer, everybody else is. Most people are afraid of the things, and if they can use something, but you replace it with something that looks even vaguely different, sometimes different only in their minds, you can expect all hell to break loose.

People go with what they're given, for the most part. My mother still uses Microsoft Media Player, because she doesn't know there's anything else out there. My father, though, won't use a Microsoft OS outside of his work. They're too unstable for his liking, and his Linux box is set up just the way he likes it.

Microsoft should respond by killing all Korean support in windows, and preventing all of Korea from getting updates while viciously enforcing their copyrights and patents in Korean courts. Its not like anyone in Korea pays for software anyway. Throw them under the bus.

Oh, you're not just a zealot, you're also a troll? Then forget everything I just typed - like a fundamentalist, zealotry means never having to say you're wrong, regardless of all the evidence.

But seriously... I suspect they won't give up "Pentium"; they've spent Brazilions of dollars marketing that into a household name.

For the ultra-condensed, try out Book-A-Minute SF/F.

One minute per book is quite efficient! It's been around since 1997, and if anything, it improves with age!

Like the Book-A-Minute, only fifteen times longer:

Book-a-Minute

My fave was always their '1-minute' summary of Gravity's Rainbow.

Gravity's Rainbow
By Thomas Pynchon
Ultra-Condensed by Glenn Davis

Thomas Pynchon

        A screaming thing comes across the sky. It's a V-2 rocket carrying twelve thousand pounds of symbolism, and it's coming down on your poor, deluded, postmodern head.

THE END

This is so OLD NEWS, that it couldn't get anyolder... I remember sawing that "how to write unmaintable code" allmost five of six years ago. I am not sure where I got the link, but I guess it was in http://rinkworks.com/stupid/ :)