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Offtopic much?

Hey now, he's the only thing standing between my nation and tyranny.

Not as good as Area Man: Area Man Knows All the Shortcut Keys

They're working on it!

In the grand scheme of things, though, it isn't that much money. Their plan to blow up a nursing home, for instance, won't be affected by the loss.

...is a geek supposed to get a girlfriend?

NASA Scientists Plan to Approach Girl by 2018

That, and 'merica has a lot of assholes posting in comment sections. Today's Onion article delves into it: http://www.theonion.com/articles/seemingly-mentally-ill-internet-commenter-presumab,33570/

It worked, I think that Laptop is scared and will never hold a harddrive again...

There are other ways of accomplishing that goal....

I prefer they got rid of the keyboard and latch and just kept it to one button
http://www.theonion.com/video/apple-introduces-revolutionary-new-laptop-with-no,14299/

Fuck everything, we're doing five tablets.

Well, you only form the [NSFW] 73% majority.
As long as the richer 27% still have faith, you're beat.

Obligatory 'The Onion' reference:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-man-constantly-mentioning-he-doesnt-own-a-tel,429/

they do... http://www.theonion.com/articles/dolphins-evolve-opposable-thumbs,284/

May I introduce you to the MacBook Wheel

http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-etoilet-to-revolutionize-online-shitting,633/

Fuck everything, we're doing five blades.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/fuck-everything-were-doing-five-blades,11056/ ...and then someone made one with five blades, and it's better enough that people will buy it.

I'm in the UK, haven't had a TV for about ten years*

I bet you're the coolest guy in your wine tasting club.

Thank you for sharing your life with us.

Best I can do: http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-am-the-top-gun-of-commercial-airline-pilots,10686/

...there are lots of talented people.

There's also this factor. Which if you think about it too hard, is actually really depressing.

Thank goodness you've come!

Sony Releases New Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work

The Onion has reported on this ground breaking finding exhaustively.

Yes, we know; I'm sure you also don't even own a TV.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/walmart-wants-republican-president,15517/ http://www.theonion.com/articles/dhs-teams-up-with-walmart,18722/

OR ( inclusive or) : over-educated engineers assumed the arrows were the spin state of the subatomic detectors inside. A quasi-random distribution of Up and Down would be required to determine the quantum state of orientation. http://news.phy.duke.edu/2012/02/spinning-quarks-yield-clues-to-orbital-motion/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/walmart-wants-republican-president,15517/ http://www.theonion.com/articles/dhs-teams-up-with-walmart,18722/

OR ( inclusive or) : over-educated engineers assumed the arrows were the spin state of the subatomic detectors inside. A quasi-random distribution of Up and Down would be required to determine the quantum state of orientation. http://news.phy.duke.edu/2012/02/spinning-quarks-yield-clues-to-orbital-motion/

But it saves so much money:
http://www.theonion.com/video/cias-facebook-program-dramatically-cut-agencys-cos,19753/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/temp-hides-fun-fulfilling-life-from-rest-of-office,49/?ref=auto

My contribution to ideas:

1) Talk to family and friends about exactly why you think this is horrendous. Perhaps some humour like this or this might help make your message more palatable, and make them know that you're far from the only person with these concerns. Let them know that the tech world is FURIOUS about this because our community is very aware of what's at stake.

2) Protecting yourself online is not easy, and may be too complicated for non-IT people at the moment, but there are some simple solutions that can help security newbies create less of an information trail with just a few clicks to install eg. HTTPS everywhere, Adblock Plus, Jitsi. There are also privacy respecting search engines such as DuckDuckGo and Ixquick. Spread the word.

3) There are fresh new projects springing up all over the place to replace various insecure services eg. Diaspora* (replaces Facebook), Bitmessage (replaces email) etc... Learn, skill up, help these projects if you can... use the product, and get your friends to also... help try to start a network effect, spread the word among the tech-savvy about new tools you find - spreading the word in comments on Slashdot would be great too. Tell the authors of the products that you appreciate their efforts.

4) It has been said elsewhere, but become feirce about political involvement. Make every Slashdot comment suggesting apathy feed your anger-motivated actions.

http://www.theonion.com/video/report-70-percent-of-all-praise-sarcastic,14134/

CIA's 'Facebook' Program Dramatically Cut Agency's Costs.

One nut with a gun knocked off JFK.

Are you sure?

I disagree.

Too bad.

The same arguements could be made for polygamy

No. They can't. Not even close.

Polygamy inherently devalues women, because instead of being half the relationship, now they are 25%, 15%, 5% of the relationship while the husband always remains at 50%. It also prevents (poor) young men from having families of their own, because the richest people in town have already bought all the eligible young women. Sometimes those young men are even excommunicated or driven out of town, as I already cited with a link that three people have now skipped over.

None of those problems exist with same-sex marriage. None. So, again, this is comparing apples to irrelevant oranges and you are on the wrong side of history and basic human decency.

Such policy only really applies to the time around Valentine's Day:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/20000-tons-of-pubic-hair-trimmed-in-preparation-fo,2909/

That's right, 20,000 tons...

One should always keep their inflatable sex-goat handy. You never know when you might need it.

They dug in the wrong spot, he's really burie

Haven't you heard? Nobody cares where Jimmy Hoffa is buried anymore.

Pretty soon you'll be this guy:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-man-constantly-mentioning-he-doesnt-own-a-tel,429/

Obligatory onion: http://www.theonion.com/articles/fuck-everything-were-doing-five-blades,11056/

Pfft, newfag.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2003/07/20/AR2005032500385.html

... we're doing six tuners.

Obligatory onion: http://www.theonion.com/articles/fuck-everything-were-doing-five-blades,11056/

inB4 Area Man Constantly Mentioning He Doesn't Own A Television

Well duh.... Since when has Occam's Razor been dead? Why do crackpot theories even get mentioned when the simplest explanation (meteor) is ignored?

Not dead, it's just that he decided to go five blades.

Agreed. Gravity is a hoax

If we're facing a potential wipe-out of several major coastal cities, I'm hoping we would get some leeway on expenses.

I dunno, I think The Onion got it right.

If we're facing a potential wipe-out of several major coastal cities, I'm hoping we would get some leeway on expenses.

Probably not though. :(
I'm sure we would still be fighting over who would pay for it, or some other political bullshit when it hit and killed us all.

Obligatory: http://www.theonion.com/articles/metric-system-thriving-in-nations-inner-cities,458/

"While the typical teen has only a vague notion of what a kilogram is, teens in the Cabrini Green housing projects in Chicago and the Watts neighborhood of Los Angeles were thoroughly familiar with this unit of metric measurement," said Ira Danielson, the researcher who spearheaded the study. "They were able to identify a kilogram of weight by merely tossing it back and forth in their hands."

Or you could start with our less advantaged citizens.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/sponsored-content-pretty-fucking-awesome,32479/

He is that stupid. And so are most people. Every compu-geek is saying, geee why didn't they use P-geeee-pee or Gee-Pee-Gee or one-time-pads, or steganography in images of zebras!!! And people here think that they're a lot smarter than they really are, or probably are

I believe The Onion had an interesting investigative report on the topic of that observation applied to national security.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/yahoo-back-on-top-after-purchasing-millions-of-13y,32497/?ref=auto

SUNNYVALE, CAâ"Finally overcoming competition from the likes of Google, Microsoft, and AOL, internet corporation Yahoo firmly re-secured its place as an industry leader after Sundayâ(TM)s purchase of millions of blogs written by 13-year-old girls. âoeWhile Yahoo has seen its share of struggles over the years, the companyâ(TM)s acquisition of over 100 million blogs written by middle-school females before bedtime has already majorly revitalized the companyâ(TM)s brand,â said BCG consultant Timothy Shore, praising the $1.1 billion purchase of web pages filled with complaints about parents, speculation about cute boys in school, and photos of Robert Pattinson. âoeYahoo is looking to the future here, and tying the entire life of their company to a bunch of pubescent girl bloggers was the smart move.â Yahoo has projected that 13-year-old Melissa Wheelerâ(TM)s blog, mellisasworld.tumlbr.com, would eventually pull in over $2.3 billion for the company

Sounds about right even if that is satire

Yahoo Back On Top After Purchasing Millions Of 13-Year-Old Girls’ Blogs

SUNNYVALE, CA—Finally overcoming competition from the likes of Google, Microsoft, and AOL, internet corporation Yahoo firmly re-secured its place as an industry leader after Sunday’s purchase of millions of blogs written by 13-year-old girls.

“While Yahoo has seen its share of struggles over the years, the company’s acquisition of over 100 million blogs written by middle-school females before bedtime has already majorly revitalized the company’s brand,” said BCG consultant Timothy Shore, praising the $1.1 billion purchase of web pages filled with complaints about parents, speculation about cute boys in school, and photos of Robert Pattinson.

“Yahoo is looking to the future here, and tying the entire life of their company to a bunch of pubescent girl bloggers was the smart move.”

Yahoo has projected that 13-year-old Melissa Wheeler’s blog, mellisasworld.tumlbr.com, would eventually pull in over $2.3 billion for the company.

(Reprinted without permission from TheOnion.com)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/yahoo-back-on-top-after-purchasing-millions-of-13y,32497/

> The tyrant fears the laugh more than the assassin's bullet. -- Robert Heinlein

The probably fear the rebels more:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/syrian-electronic-army-has-a-little-fun-before-ine,32324/