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Wasn't this already accomplished?

Uber will not let this go unanswered.

I beg to differ: http://www.theonion.com/articl...

That's probably because you're primarily considering the material that a bespectacled academic would review, rather than that which a contemporary ponytail-adorned pencil-stash might be exposed to.

Macbook Wheel

Apple beat them to it.

I still think we should keep the jobs for the humans.

Because fuck everything, we're doing 5G. (Which then happened because marketers are predictable like that.)

Remember how AT&T had the first 4G network in the US but it was really 3G? Same idea.

So that they can claim "we give you 5G while everyone else is stuck on lousy 4G LTE!"

North Korea Destroys all of Asia

http://www.theonion.com/video/...

Yea you where either drop as a child or just stupid to think the other star treks where any better. I am going to with a little of column A & B.

Obligitary: http://www.theonion.com/video/...

AC is right, this was even on the news.

"It would seem strangely restrictive to deny the farming industry GM technology already so widespread in fields like large-scale construction, computer programming, pornography, and professional sports."

if people want to be scared of something it should cars not terrorists

media can't generate enough "scare" to keep people panicked rest of the day. In ways, this might actually be true! http://www.theonion.com/articl...

Gravity might not exist - it might be the gentle hand of God on everyone's shoulders steadying us as we go through life.

Confirmed!

Doggonit! Looks like I accidentally figgered it out!

Gravity might not exist - it might be the gentle hand of God on everyone's shoulders steadying us as we go through life.

Confirmed!

Fuck everything, we're doing five back accounts.

http://www.theonion.com/blogpo...

Wow, "a" woman said that! That shows 100% that your point is correct! Hey, "a" black man likes the Confederate flag! That proves black people all a pro-Confederate flag, what is up with these liberals!

Yes. 50% of America's population is effectively cut off from going into a field where they might do well. It's not good for the industry, it's not good for the people. It's an obvious social problem that any sight with constant articles about the technology field is inevitably going to discuss from time to time.

There's no obvious answers, and of course making the field have a more rational job market would be bad for lower-quality male engineers who would have a hard time with the increased competition.

Care salesmen is a bad example, who cares about them? But what about nurses? It's hard to get good nurses, and a large social stigma against male nurses essentially halves the job market. Job markets should be open, and making certain careers specific to gender makes industries less efficient and keeps people from the jobs they're best suited to. Instead, it's a mild caste system.

Also, man, fuck the summary. "Woman hates Social Justice Warriors!" It reminds me of people trotting out that one black guy who's in favor of the Confederate flag.

So of course this is slashdot and will get modded -1 troll.

Fuck everything, we're doing five prongs!

Frustrated NSA Now Forced To Rely On Mass Surveillance Programs That Haven’t Come To Light Yet

http://www.theonion.com/americanvoices/nasa-gives-robots-universities-aid-mars-mission-51868

“Once Valkyrie gets that first taste of Comparative Media Studies 100, Mars will be the last thing on its mind.”

For those who don't recognize the meme.

Anybody who gave a SHIT looked it up, seeing how - get this - they're on the internet. I know, I know, it's hard to believe. You prefer to think we would all be lost without your priceless guidance. Well, why don't you eat a dick? You're the kind of douche-ass bitch who just can't understand why nobody wants your unsolicited advice. Ah yes, if only they appreciated your great wisdom! You're a Baby Boomer, aren't you? I recognize the smug self-satisfied self-importance. You're all a bunch of infected cunts oozing a nasty stinking yellowish discharge from a wide variety of STDs received by an amazing array of nigger cocks!

For those who don't recognize the meme.

So, you're saying that because some atheists have done bad things, one shouldn't condemn people who murder in the name of religion? Or we shouldn't point out religious fanaticism is a bad idea?

I am a religious fanatic who teaches my children that killing in the name of religion or even trying to straighten people out in the name of religion is wrong. I teach them about Nagasaki and Hiroshima and other horrific killings of the twentieth century and other centuries. I teach them this is unequivocally wrong. I teach them that Christ wants us to abstain from all violence and anger, and that he wants us to be fanatical about it.

I wish people were actually fanatical about what God actually said. Like Thou shalt not kill.

Is it okay if I am fanatical about not killing people?

http://www.theonion.com/article/god-angrily-clarifies-dont-kill-rule-222

there are ways to take out tanks and it doesn't even require firearms.

Warthogs? a government doesn't attack their citizens that way, the people in that case would revolt against the politicians who are NOT as small-arm proof as the Warthogs. That's the correct argument against naysayers who say "armed forces have nukes, bombers, etc.etc so what good are small arms". The small arms are used to change the government.

So you are this guy?

http://www.theonion.com/articl...

The world has reached peak jobs.

In other news, scientists are finished with rats: http://www.theonion.com/articl...

Not really. He enjoys telling people he doesn't own a television

The same happened with Ahmed the Clock boy, and any time a black thug is shot by a cop. The news channels are no more trustworthy to tell the truth than The National Enquirer. Might as well get your news from the onion... http://www.theonion.com/

You should probably read this article, from America's Finest News Source. It explains everything.

http://www.theonion.com/articl...

After all, there's no real advantage to taking over a nice warm, wet, mobile and highly interacting environment that accounts for a large percentage of the entire planet's land mammal biomass.

Besides the obvious, it also has a much larger-scale strategic and geopolitical importance.

I was really excited by the long-tail idea. I got less excited soon after because I happened to be dating a rock musician (seriously). Her band worked insanely hard, were incredibly talented, and put on great shows, but they were just never in the right place at the right time to make it big. Of course you have only my word for their ability, which is subjective (and biased) and anecdotal, but I'm just saying it shifted my perspective on what could be accomplished in the long tail. As abominable as the record labels are, they do one thing very well: make people famous by spending lots of money.

I still have high hopes for the long tail. It's now present-seeking season and I do it as much as I can on sites like etsy, the long tail of craft stuff. I occasionally find cool things, which I buy and evangelize by giving as gifts. But I doubt any are eking out even as much as the minimum wage by doing it. That's partly Etsy's fault, and I am gonna try out Amazon's new version of it. Amazon is good at building buzz.

Oh, one other thing that advertising has worked well for, to me. I listen to a lot of podcasts, and I've bought at least two things because they supported things I like. I would not have encountered NatureBox; I'm not going to evangelize it (it's good, not amazing), but I do kinda like having prepackaged snacks on hand for grab-and-go things. I did so at least partly because I wanted to support the podcasts. (In the case of one podcast, they have an adless, longer paid version, but I actually like the free version because the longer version can be tedious.)

I feel like I'm spreading word of mouth for advertising ;-) (The Onion, of course, did that joke better: http://www.theonion.com/articl...)

Yes, because the original poster was obviously against fun and enjoyment.

"Did you hear the joke about the feminist?"
"That's not funny!"

You know, when I was a teen, the conservative Christians around me were quick to assure me that they weren't against fun and enjoyment. They just happened to find something objectionable in every activity we found fun and enjoyable - pure coincidence, I'm sure. This new crowd of non-religious puritans seems about the same to me. I suspect they, too, lie awake in bed worrying that someone, somewhere, might be having a good time. Also, this.

I would play either of those characters in WoWoW.

I use the "I want five blades" Fusion..

Too late, suckers! I already have my 8-blade razor in the works, all I need is a couple of million bucks to produce the prototype and I'll crush Gillette like a bug on pavement!

I use the "I want five blades" Fusion.. It works even when rinsed with cold water. I have seen a Ford Fusion in Minnesota in dead winter. It is time to stop denying. Cold Fusion works.

Quite, all this bitching is from a bunch of hippies anyway. Emissions tests are just another way for the environazis to kill American industry, VW is only their first victim. Good for VW at any rate, not playing their game. http://www.theonion.com/graphi...

It's why the Onion's Satire just reads like more sad news these days.
Year old, but continually appropriate:

‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

http://www.theonion.com/articl...

BULLSHIT

BULLSHIT AGAIN!

AND AGAIN YOU POSTED BULLSHIT

ONCE MORE, YOU ARE FULL OF SHIT

Did I mention, you and all that believe that this only happens in the US ARE COMPLETELY FULL OF SHIT

It's why the Onion's Satire just reads like more sad news these days.
Year old, but continually appropriate:

‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

http://www.theonion.com/articl...

If the test uses words they don't understand, then what words would the researcher suggest the tests use that aren't "culturally biased?"

If the US would only join the rest of the world, it might even out the playing field a little.

Well, it's not like we didn't see this coming. Poor guy.

Five mousetraps!

Advanced Civilizations Probably Don't Exist In Our Galactic Neighborhood ... say mean old scientists.

Reference.

One year after confirming the existence of the Higgs Boson, or “God Particle,” scientists at CERN say they are struggling to find other uses for the giant particle accelerator. http://www.theonion.com/video/...

No, you are not alone, there are plenty of people like you, constantly mentioning to others that you don't watch TV. It is especially evident when the topic is watching TV, you'd think this is the one time when you'd decline to comment as you have no idea what's been going on, but no there are already several comments just like yours, already moderated up to +5 Insightful.

For thousands of years across many cultures, marriages were frequently arranged by the parents of those to be married. How could the parents know what was in the best interest of their children? Because marriage was never about the people getting married. It was about the CHILDREN that marriage produced.

Nonsense. Marriage was a business deal between two families, not a procreation contract. That's why you'd have 80 year old men marrying 12 year old girls, which has long been verboten in civilized society. Did you protest that redefinition of marriage, that it may only be done by consenting adults?

Children raised by single parents, on average, do worse than children raised by a married mother and father. ...
Then SUDDENLY, gay marriage comes into the picture and it's "children raised by gay parents turn out just as good as heterosexual parents". That is obviously false, since how else do gay "parents" get their children except by divorce, buying them via surrogacy, or adoption? Thankfully honest research is starting to come out, exposing this lie for what it is.

The lie is your attempted slight-of-hand. You start talking about how children are better off with two parents, then suddenly move the goalposts to adoption. An ad hoc argument you wouldn't make to a heterosexual couple adopting a child, because this is merely a long exercise in rationalizing your homophobia.

Go read the briefs submitted, by Mr. Lopez and the other children of gay parents who are critical of gay marriage, to the supreme court.

Josh Duggar is heterosexual and married. Josh Duggar fondled his little sister and joined a paid site to cheat on his wife. Therefore, married heterosexual men are both cheaters and child molesters.

Or, basing an argument on logical fallacies and anecdotes is just stupid.

Am I right? Lets stop back in a few decades and find out.

Suffice to say, your bigoted support for a culture of child sacrifice on the altar of "equality" will not last. You and I will grow old and eventually die. The special interest money will move elsewhere, and the children raised under the system you are creating will grow up and tear down what you have created.

Blah blah blah blah. Fifty years ago, bigots were saying the same BS about children of interracial marriage. Same bigoted shit, different bile.

Homophobe, that article has already been written.

Fuck everything, we're doing five layers.

No. M won't be a spy. This is Facebook: they don't have to spy on you. You voluntarily tell M everything, an illustrated guide to all your drunken follies with innocent friends helpfully tagged, and then you bitch about it when M gets creepy and seems to know too much about you.

The Onion is not satire.