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Football Team Blames Loss on Linux
jaxon_brooks writes: "I guess if you can't blame yourself, you gotta blame something?!?! 'Ravens (-7 1/2) at Browns: Ravens Coach Brian Billick faults last week's defensive breakdown on team's switch to Linux operating system.'" Maybe the team got caught up playing Same Game?
For the benefit of the humor-impaired, Norman Chad's weekly sports columns are very funny and almost completely fictional.
Foosball is TEH DEBBIL!
N4st0r, trixx0r h0bb1tz0rz! Th3y st0l3 0ur pr3c10uzz!
I guess this gives us a new take on the term "astroturfing", eh?
Sheesh, evil *and* a jerk. -- Jade
The writer's "comments" are all made up...the Ravens didn't blame Linux, the Cardinals did NOT have a satanic message, and Manning...well, maybe he DID have a jingle stuck in his head...
rm
Sci-Fi Storm
So, now we've got IBM and other big companies on Linux development, and those guys only know from golf! There they go, yapping about "enterprise Linux", and still they can't mount a good defense. Ah heck, we might as well go back to DOS. Now, there's an operating system with a strong offensive.
Bruce
Bruce Perens.
Ravens Coach Brian Billick faults last week's defensive breakdown on team's switch to Linux operating system
That's it. There is no explanation nor elaboration of that. Just this one sentence in the entire article, uttered apparently by a pissed off coach. There is nothing to suggest that any member of the team even knows what Linux is, much less blame the loss on it. Nor is there any explanation of what Linux has to do with this football team in the first place. So, michael & co, would you please read the fucking article before posting garbage next time?
___
If you think big enough, you'll never have to do it.
In a press release issued today, Rob Malda, who uses the online alias "Commander Taco," blamed the Linux operating system on a recent rash of lame stories on his online news site.
"If we used FrontPage, the lincense would have kept us from posting lame stories," explained Malda.
What they meant was that they couldn't run any defensive "simulations" by playing Madden 2002. Doh!
-- Dan
Gosh the last thing we want to do is jeopardise the success of a football team. Forget the security holes if Microsoft is the difference between winning and losing bring it back, and bring back Nimbda too.
I only hope it's not too late for us ..... may God have mercy on us all!
;0)
Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow?
Who cares, the Ravens' suck. They deserve what they get.
-Browns' fan.
They should have switched to FreeBSD! They might (would) have won then.
A real life BSD zealot.
grep -r linux http://*.*.???/ | http://slashdot.org/submit.pl
No wonder they lost, everyone knows know Linux and *BSD are designed for ice-hockey.. just ask Pittsburg and New Jersey.
They forgot how to perform the "Blue death" secret defense trick.
go bears! our work release convicts and out of work club bouncers are kicking ass! too bad when they cash them checks and start gobbling up the crack it will all end. or maybe not... richard dent used to mangle quarterbacks magnificently thanks to the miracle properties of cocaine!
(now for the not off-topic part and supports the main topic.)
the bears never lost a game because of Linux! (at least as far as we know.)thank you very much.
People, you're well aware at this point that the editors don't check the links in the articles submitted. Luckily, I managed to actually click on it before a lot of people saw the article. I'm warning you, don't click on it!
No, it's not a link to goatse, whatever sick bastard sent this in linked to a place far, far worse. Don't click!
I'm telling you, if you go there, you'll have horrible flashbacks to high-school gym! You'll get locker-induced claustrophobia all over again! It'll be like listening to everyone drone on and on about the latest game while you say nothing in order to disguise the fact that you didn't watch it! Yes, you're suspecting now so I'll just say it right out:
They linked to a sports site!
Run! Flee! Don't make the same mistake I did!!!
-Denor
Christ! If you're going to post stuff here for thousands of people to read, perhaps you could spend 10 seconds checking it first? As an offhand joke it's not worth its own story.
As for the submitter: get a sense of humor and a grip dammmit!
i blame the need for my university to switch to a free operating system on the disproportinate budget of the football team.
"i was saying gnu-rd"
Dave Letterman can now blame the long lasting defeats of the "Fighting Cardinals" on Linux too
Heh.
He shouldn't have "open-sourced" the playbook. Doh!
Perhaps this indicates why one should take one's own advice and read the article rather than merely "search through" it. For anyone who's not totally humor-impaired, it was immediately clear that the entire article was made up for comic effect.
The Ravens coach didn't really blame Linux. OK?
Now, a lot of people are coming down on the editors for even posting this, but I'm not one of them. There are at least two good reasons for linking through to this artice:
The Mongrel Dogs Who Teach
That's what they get for changing players mid-season. Give Linux a chance to get used to the team and they'll see some outstanding numbers there.
Anyone know what the Satanic message in the film was? I heard it was "Outlook is awesome. Viruses and worms are our friends. Virus Basic Scripting (VBScript) RULES!!"
Coding Blog
Who the hell is moderating these days!? I swear, these people have had their funny bones surgically removed.
chuckle.
/.ers got that though
wonder how many
La via sola al paradiso incommincia nel inferno
This actually will be a good thing in the long run because it will help the average consumer feel that Linux is catching on among those that he/she can relate too.
He's gotta be back. That makes no sense.
This
What the fuck is football?
instead of that moneygrabbing monopoly that is Linux! The FreeBSD dæmon would also make a better mascot! :-)
I know it, and you know it, Linux is evil!
.. wait, I might have got something wrong here, but since the post is about a sports page, I have a hard time relating to it. Ah, now I remember, it is Micro$oft that is evil.. almost slipped there...("note to self: M$ is evil not Linux, Linux=good").
I believe that's "...pigs and commies..."
haha, your not for real.
If business can't survive doing Linux, what's makes an expansion? football team think it can?
Get Windows -- it even says WIN -- and how can you lose?
A gaggle of cheerleaders in Tux costumes.
You win again, gravity!
The fact that this thread exists at all proves that /. is a bunch of crazies!
---- It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again. It does this whenever it's told.
If they convert their offence and defence code to GPL. We can grab the source and make some patch.
But uh oh, if code became GPL their competitors can download the source and learn their innovated tactics.
[My english is better than most other people's Turkish, so please point out mistakes politely. Thank you.]
obviously he's referring to the possibility that someone hacked this sports news site to say something it shouldn't have... c'mon people. Friends don't let drunk friends moderate.
I can see it now.
Press: Coach, what happened in the game today?
Coach: Well, it's really quite simple: our offense sig faulted and the defense was running Nautalis (see previous story).
Maybe it was the switch to Linux. Here is one possible scenario:
The defensive coach's wife might have washed his lucky socks. He was busy learning how to use the new software, so he didn't know it was happening. Next thing you know, it's game day, and the socks have lost their magic. It's a tragedy.
Their half time routine consisted of poor marching (if you could call it that) and jokes over the stadium PA. This was way back when the Pentium division bug was in the news.
On the speaker a voice announced, "Todays half time scores brought to you by pentium, Virginia 14.00421, TCU 3.10002"
That really was the best part of the game...
Wait - you mean your wife can't?
I heard of your problems using Linux to run the defense team of our native Baltimore Ravens. I am intrested on how you got the entire defense to run Linux in their brains instead of their native operating wetware, and am willing as a Linux sysadmin to help correct the line teams mistakes. Please contact me through my website. --Kelly "STrRedWolf" Price.
--
# Canmephians for a better Linux Kernel
$Stalag99{"URL"}="http://stalag99.net";
Most things in there are done for humor, I don't think the Linux quote is any different.
-- Any comments seen here are not mine, but a mixture of alchohol and lack of sleep.
Just further proof that geeks and football jocks don't mix well together.
The Ravens' official website is running
IIS 4.0 on NT4/Windows98 and they still lost. The OS had nothing to do with their loss.
Yes, I know this article is a joke and so is this post. Go on and laugh.
Just my $0.04 (adjusted for inflation)
Can you imagine a cluster of Siragusas'? Man! Giga-flops of pr0n churning power!
<dry-heave
Thanks, Einstein. I shudder to think how we would have ever known without your help.
A coworker once observed that, while some people spend their break time looking at sports stats and reading sports drivel on the web, the Linux geeks among us wasted break time reading netcraft stats and reading pro- and anti- linux drivel on the web.
To paraphrase Umberto Eco (paraphrasing Marx): Slashdot has replaced spectator sports which previously replaced religion as the opiate of the masses.
Its the demons I tells ya! The demons! The open source community ships dozens of these little devils per Linux, Hurd and BSD distro. It was just a matter of time before the less tech savvy community noticed our little satan-worshipping plot and brought us to account for it!
We should issue a promise to the NFL that the next Linux distro they recieve will be demon-free. Then they'll stop complaining via email.
"Look at me, I invented the stove!" -- Ben Franklin
Okay, so she could beat the tar out of Linus, but could she beat the gzip, bzip2, and compress out of him? [rimshot]
Nathan
There'd be a thousand posts explaining why it made sense and predicting imminent domination of NFL systems by you-know-what!
As a once Baltimore Colts fan (until Irsay stole them), and now Ravens fan, I have to say this is the lamest excuse I've ever heard.
Fact was, Bret Favre of the Packers went crazy last week with one of those career games. Unless Ray Lewis hit Favre over the head with a large, disk laden, CPU, it is unlikely that any operating system would have stopped him.
healyourchurchwebsite.com - WWJB?
I know. I also know that it's pronounced `ee polee,' not `hoy poloy.' However, in the Anglicised usage, it is pronounced that way, and it is used as a two-word collective noun, which may take an article. Awful silly, ain't it?
It's good information for all the (undoubtedly many, as usual) people who didn't even read the article, and are just coming to post :)
Yes! That guy!
Sorry, that's a 3-time women's karate world champion. Even more depressing.
______________
OTTERS RULE.
Actually, in ancient Greek, it IS pronounced closer to hoy polloy than to ee polee, which is the modern Greek pronunciation. And there is a long history of describing the phrase "the hoi polloi" as a solecism.
Ravens (-7 1/2) at Browns:
Go Browns! -7.5 my tuckus...