Gnarly Error Messages

Veeru writes "In my career, I have run across some whopper error messages, but a call from the mainframe sysop one night beat them all: 'We are experiencing MVS processor spin loops, the programs are running while holding a disabled CPU. This is causing XCF communication delays to the point where we are losing VTAM RTP routing, are suffering OSPF adjacency failures on TCP/IP dynamic routing and MIM VCF failures. Whatever this code is, it should NOT be propagated to production or we run the risk of losing the development plex if XCF signaling is adversely impacted by processor disabled spin loops'. My friend once got an error message 'Error 2 while trying to report error 2'. I would be curious to hear from the Slashdot community on encounters with other bizarre error messages."

Comments

Mac Bomb

[httpamphibio.us]

The random bomb that used to pop up using Mac LC's... not explanation, just BOMB. That used to freak some people out.

Re:Mac Bomb

[Anonymous Coward]

"Exception error at A0047FF3"?

Yeah, that told me a lot too.

Re:Mac Bomb

[cscx]

The MacOS Bomb is analagous to the BSOD on Win9x -- lack of protected memory caused some serious shit to happen. (Funny, the Win9x "BSOD" really isn't the official "Blue Screen of Death" anyway -- it's just a blue error message. The real BSOD originated on WinNT and only occurred when some serious shit happened -- like yanking out expansion cards with the power on, or some nasty corrupted driver.)

Now for some snapshots I took myself. My personal favs include KDE's "Sound Server fatal error: cpu overload, aborted" (sorry no pic), this priceless one from Outlook, (I can't make this shit up) KDE's 3D take on the Mac's age-old bomb concept, GNOME doing what it does best, and you can't forget Linus' famous "Aiee!" message when the Linux kernel panics.

Re:Mac Bomb

[cscx]

Oops, I mangled the KDE bomb-in-the-gear link in the above post.

Re:Mac Bomb

[Anonymous DWord]

Outlook has some great ones. Here it is trying to eliminate itself.

Windows blorphs on a lot of stuff, actually. Sometimes their copying estimates are a bit off. (Fortunately, it didn't really take that long.)

Sometimes there's an error even when there isn't (or isn't when there is? Whatever)

It's ok though, all of these problems can be taken care of fairly easily with the New Microsoft Keyboard, at a store near you!

Re:Mac Bomb

[TheCrackRat]

My friend got a similar one while trying to run windows 3.1. After typing "win" at the prompt, he was greeted with: "This program requires Microsoft Windows to run."

Re:Mac Bomb

[Bob Cat - NYMPHS]

Downloading a new virus def using an old engine, a friend got this message:

Definition is too new for engine!

There was one button to click.

It said "You're Fucked"

Re:Mac Bomb

[Tet]

My favourite Windows related one was so good, I took a screenshot to preserve it for posterity. This was using a Citrix-like multi-user NT system from my Sparc.

Keyboard error.

[Trusty Penfold]

Press F9 to continue.

Re:Keyboard error.

[Anonymous Coward]

Apparently there's also a "Display error; hit F1 to
continue" message, but I've never seen it.

Re:Keyboard error.

[zdzichu]

Maybe something like this: /* Nobody will ever see this message :-) */
panic("Cannot initialize video hardware\n");
2.0.38 /usr/src/linux/arch/m68k/atari/atafb.c

It comes from very cool Kernel Cookies.
There are more:

printk("??? No FDIV bug? Lucky you...\n");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/include/asm-i386/bugs.h
% /* These are the most dangerous and useful defines. They do printk() during
* the interrupt processing routine(s), so if you manage to get "flooded" by
* irq's, start thinking about the "Power off/on" button...
*/
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/drivers/sbus/char/aurora.h
%
pani c("floppy: Port bolixed.");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/include/asm-sparc/floppy.h
%
pani c("sun_82072_fd_inb: How did I get here?");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/include/asm-sparc/floppy.h
%
#def ine BB_STAT2_TMP_INTR 0x10 /* My Penguins are burning.
Are you able to smell it? */
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/include/asm-sparc/obio.h
%
printk (KERN_ERR "msp3400: chip reset failed, penguin on i2c bus?\n");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/drivers/char/msp3400.c
%
panic("e sp_handle: current_SC == penguin within interrupt!");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/drivers/scsi/esp.c
% /* Host controller interrupts must not be running while calling this
* function or the penguins will get angry. */
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/drivers/usb/ohci.c
% /* Identify the flock of penguins. */
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/arch/alpha/kernel/setup.c
%
die_i f_kernel("Whee... Hello Mr. Penguin", current->tss.kregs);
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/arch/sparc/kernel/traps.c
%
die_i f_kernel("Penguin instruction from Penguin mode??!?!", regs);
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/arch/sparc/kernel/traps.c
%
die_i f_kernel("Kernel gets FloatingPenguinUnit disabled trap", regs);
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/arch/sparc/kernel/traps.c
% /* When we have more time, we can teach the penguin to say
* "By your command" or "Activating turbo boost, Michael".
*/
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/arch/sparc/prom/sun4prom.c
%
prin tk("Entering UltraSMPenguin Mode...\n");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/arch/sparc64/kernel/smp.c
%
panic ("Attempted to kill the idle task!");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/kernel/exit.c
%
panic("kmem_cache _init(): Offsets are wrong - I've been messed with!");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/mm/slab.c
%
panic("Detected a card I can't drive - whoops\n");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/drivers/net/daynaport.c
%
panic(" mother...");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/drivers/block/cpqarray.c
%
panic( "Foooooooood fight!");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/drivers/scsi/aha1542.c
%
panic("U nable to find empty mailbox for aha1542.\n");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/drivers/scsi/aha1542.c
%
panic("a ha1740.c"); /* Goodbye */
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/drivers/scsi/aha1740.c
%
panic("e sp: what could it be... I wonder...");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/drivers/scsi/esp.c
%
panic ("Splunge!");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/drivers/scsi/psi240i.c
%
panic("h uh?\n");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/arch/i386/kernel/smp.c
%
panic("T ell me what a watchpoint trap is, and I'll then
deal with such a beast...");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/arch/arch/sparc/kernel/traps.c
%
panic("Oh boy, that early out of memory?");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/arch/mips/mm/init.c
%
panic("CPU too expensive - making holiday in the ANDES!");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/arch/mips/kernel/traps.c
%
panic( "IRQ, you lose...");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/arch/mips/sgi/kernel/indy%
panic(" Lucy in the sky....");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/arch/sparc64/kernel/starfire.c
%
printk("Illegal format on cdrom. Pester manufacturer.\n");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/fs/isofs/inode.c
%
printk(KERN_WA RNING "%s: Short circuit detected on the lobe\n",
dev->name);
2.4.0-test2 /usr/src/linux/drivers/net/tokenring/lanstreamer.c
% /*
* Hash table gook..
*/
2.4.0-test2 /usr/src/linux/fs/buffer.c
% /* After several hours of tedious analysis, the following hash
* function won. Do not mess with it... -DaveM
*/
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/fs/buffer.c
% /*
* We used to try various strange things. Let's not.
*/
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/fs/buffer.c
%
#if 0
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/fs/buffer.c
% /*
* For moronic filesystems that do not allow holes in file.
* We may have to extend the file.
*/
2.4.0-test2 /usr/src/linux/fs/buffer.c
%
printk(KERN_WARNING "Warning: defective CD-ROM (volume sequence
number). Enabling \"cruft\" mount option.\n");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/fs/isofs/inode.c
%
printk(KERN_WA RNING "Multi-volume CD somehow got mounted.\n");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/fs/isofs/inode.c
% /* Fuck me gently with a chainsaw... */
2.0.38 /usr/src/linux/arch/sparc/kernel/ptrace.c
% /* Binary compatibility is good American knowhow fuckin' up. */
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/arch/sparc/kernel/sunos_ioctl.c
% /* Am I fucking pedantic or what? */
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/drivers/scsi/qlogicpti.h
% /* vsprintf.c -- Lars Wirzenius & Linus Torvalds. */
*
* Wirzenius wrote this portably, Torvalds fucked it up :-)
*/
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/lib/vsprintf.c
%
printk("Penguin %d is stuck in the bottle.\n", i);
2.0.38 /usr/src/linux/arch/sparc/kernel/smp.c
%
prom_pr intf("Detected PenguinPages, getting out of here.\n");
2.0.38 /usr/src/linux/arch/sparc/mm/srmmu.c
%
panic("Aa rggh: attempting to free lock with active wait queue - shoot Andy");
2.0.38 /usr/src/linux/fs/locks.c
%
panic("bad_user_acce ss_length executed (not cool, dude)");
2.0.38 /usr/src/linux/kernel/panic.c
%
% /*
* Should be panic but... (Why are BSD people panic obsessed ??)
*/
2.0.38 /usr/src/linux/net/ipv4/ip_fw.c
% /* Nobody will ever see this message :-) */
panic("Cannot initialize video hardware\n");
2.0.38 /usr/src/linux/arch/m68k/atari/atafb.c
%
printk( "ufs_read_super: fucking Sun blows me\n");
2.0.38 /usr/src/linux/fs/ufs/ufs_super.c
%
printk("auto fs: Out of inode numbers -- what the heck did you do??\n");
2.0.38 /usr/src/linux/fs/autofs/root.c
%
HARDFAIL("Not enough magic.");
2.4.0-test2 /usr/src/linux/drivers/block/nbd.c
%
#ifdef STUPIDLY_TRUST_BROKEN_PCMD_ENA_BIT
2.4.0-test2 /usr/src/linux/drivers/ide/cmd640.c
%
if (user_specified) /* Didn't work, but the user is convinced this is the
* place. */
2.4.0-test2 /usr/src/linux/drivers/parport/parport_pc.c
%
pr intk("VFS: Busy inodes after unmount. "
"Self-destruct in 5 seconds. Have a nice day...\n");
2.3.99-pre8 /usr/src/linux/fs/super.c

No url for more... I can't find :(

Re:Keyboard error.

[kasperd]

You forgot the best (mm/swapfile.c):
Unable to start swapping: out of memory :-)

And this one (arch/i386/boot/setup.S):
# Well, that certainly wasn't fun :-(. Hopefully it works, and we don't
# need no steenking BIOS anyway (except for the initial loading :-).

Re:Keyboard error.

[delta407]

My personal favorite, from my current kernel source tree:

drivers/char/lp.c:257: printk(KERN_INFO "lp%d on fire\n", minor);

Apparently some printers fill the log files with this when they run out of ink. I hear it's pretty effective at getting people to examine their printer.

Re:Keyboard error.

[barracg8]

One of my favourites is linux kernel one, though it may not count as an error message. Linux had frozen while booting, the last line on the screen simple read:

• Testing halt instruction

I guess it worked :-)

Error

[_Spirit]

Had a Mac program long ago that featured the following error msg:

I must remember to put an error message here

And in another:

Whoops !
If you see this error please report the code as I have forgotten put an error message here

Re:Error

[Anonymous Coward]

One thing to remember about code is that "all errors are final errors". Case in point, I was working on a product and during testing the illustrious Cem Kaner himself (who was heading up testing, and who had not written The Big Book of Testing yet) instructed the testers to randomly modify bytes in the document files to make sure we handled the situation correctly. I was so annoyed, I added a dialog box when the corruption was detected:

"Document is corrupt. I recommend suicide."

The intent was to remove it after the testers saw it.

I didn't. It shipped. Customer saw it. Got yelled at.

Printer on fire

[Anonymous Coward]

me@machine:/usr/src/linux/drivers/char% grep "on fire" *.c

lp.c: /* not offline or out of paper. on fire? */
lp.c: printk(KERN_ERR "lp%d reported invalid error status (on fire, eh?)\n", minor);
lp_m68k.c: printk(KERN_NOTICE "lp%d: on fire\n",dev);
lp_m68k.c: /* not offline or out of paper. on fire? */
lp_m68k.c: printk(KERN_NOTICE "lp%d: on fire\n",dev);

Re:Printer on fire

[Jeremi]

Actually, the history goes like this: some wag at Be added a function to the kernel:

bool is_computer_on() - Returns true if the computer is turned on; if the computer is off, the result is undefined.

Not to be outdone, another Be engineer added bool is_computer_on_fire()

Re:Printer on fire

[Flaxter]

According to my copy of the BeBook it was actually:
double is_computer_on_fire()
Returns the temperature of the motherboard if the computer is currently on fire. If the computer isn't on fire, the function returns some other value.
and of course the classic:
int32 is_computer_on(void)
Returns 1 if the computer is on. If the computer isn't on, the value returned by this function is undefined.

(source:
http://bang.dhs.org/be/bebook/The%20Kernel%20Kit /S ystem.html)

Those were the days.

error message

[sheol]

i once received the following at work in the proprietary software used for cable tv tech support/etc....

"You need help. Please call 1-800-xxx-xxxx for assistance."

Amiga Error

[Haxx]

Remember the Amiga 500/1500 error message that said

"Guru Medatation"

Re:Amiga Error

[91degrees]

Also gave ASCII code for "Help" (or possible "HELP" or "help") if it didn't have a clue where the error occured.

Gotta be the classic MacOS...

[Greebz]

"An Error Occurred Because An Error Occurred"

Ah, so that's why!

Re:Gotta be the classic MacOS...

[Ignominious Cow Herd]

That reminds me of a Paradox error message I got once.

"Application requested abnormal termination."

Huh? Is that like: "Hey, please terminate me abnormally!"

Re:Gotta be the classic MacOS...

[bpbond]

Another good one: I remember being dumped into MacsBug at the breakpoint "BowelsOfTheMemoryManager"!

The best BeOS error

[eexlebots]

"Error: No error"

I got that one a few times; always memorable. Almost as fun as seeing your GUI melt into the joy of a KDL:

"Welcome to Kernel Debugging Land!"

"Your system date is set to year 8192.

[nusuth]

This version of Winzip does not work after year 2099."

Re:"Your system date is set to year 8192.

[stienman]

This version of Winzip does not work after year 2099.

Ahhhhhh!

So that's why I'm not getting a response to my zipped messages to the future. I'll try bzip instead...

-Adam

Re:"Your system date is set to year 8192.

[anthony_dipierro]

I guess that's one way to make sure copyrights never expire.

Sometimes Barney plays on his own

[hklingon]

This error is documented in MS's KB:
"Sometimes Barney Starts Playing Peekaboo on his own." Scary.

Re:Sometimes Barney plays on his own

[Bugaboo]

Hahaha, that's pretty funny. This one, too: Computer Randomly Plays Classical Music

Gnarly error messages

[Doctor Sbaitso]

I've encountered "Error: too many errors" several times before.

Re:Gnarly error messages

[MouseR]

MPW, the "Mac Programer's Workshop", is a Unix-like development environment for Pre Mac OS X machines. It started a long time ago and was pretty neat and is now a discontinued product. you can still download it for free, and includes pretty good PowerPC compilers.

Anyhow, one of it's earlier compilers, Sc and ScPP by Symantec (it precedes the MrC compilers), had some nifty errors. Including my all-time favorite:

##ScPP: Too many errors; make fewer.

Another cool one was:

##ScPP: A type declaration was a total surprise to me at this time.

$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense

[Mwongozi]

no sense in pretending

Re:$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense

[Anonymous Coward]

They left out this one:

$ ar x 'matey, the treasure'
ar: matey, the treasure does not exist

Unfortunately, due to error messages being improved in newer versions of Unix, on newer systems it comes out something like this:

$ ar x 'matey, the teasure'
ar: matey, the teasure: No such file or directory

(So if you really want to see it, pull out your old SunOS 4.x machine or whatever...)

Undefined?

[stu_coates]

While doing some JavaScript programming with and old version of Netscape:

Undefined is not defined

AppleWorks GS

[axneck]

AppleWorks GS on the Apple IIGS... "A serious system error has occured" and two buttons appeared. The first button said "Reset", and the second button had an arrow pointing to the first button. :)

Ebonics Error Msg

[Nameis]

This one tools dev guy liked creating 'gansta' style error messages in Fargo, ND of all places.

My personal favorite: Somethin' be hosed with da proc

Real Media

[egg troll]

There's this little gem from Real Media.

Re:Real Media

[dilger]

Here's another lovely one...

And a screenshot of the support page opened when clicking "More info"...

:)
cbd.

Re:Real Media

[quasar0]

this is just funny.

Computer error messages

[Anonymous Coward]

Error 13: Illegal brain function. Process terminated.
Error #65: Database on vacation - call travel agent?
Error #96: Database corrupt - contact Crime Control?
Error #4Ni8: Database spawning duplicates - protection failed.
REALITY.DAT not found. Atempting to restore Universe......REALITY.SYS Corrupted Unable to recover Universe....Press Esc key to reboot Universe, or any other key to continue...
REALITY.SYS corrupted reboot Universe (Y/N)?
USER ERROR: replace user and press any key to continue.
Volume in Drive C: TOO_LOUD!
Compression failed - E)at chocolate cake?
Process failed - A)bort, R)etry, or F)ind another job?
Press [ESC] to detonate or any other key to explode.
BREAKFAST.COM halted... cereal port not responding!
Virus detected! P)our chicken soup on motherboard?
.signature not found! reformat hard drive? [Y/N]
Backup not found! A)bort, R)etry or P)anic?
Spellchecker not found. Press [CTRL][ALT][DEL] to continue ...
Not Ready Reading Drive A:...File Not Saved...Press [CTRL][ALT][DEL] to continue...
A)bort, R)etry or S)elfdestruct?
A)bort, R)etry, I)gnore, V)alium?
A)bort, R)etry, I)nfluence with large hammer?
A)bort, R)etry, P)lead in vain?
Backup not found: A)bort, R)etry, M)assive heart failure?
Bad command or file name. Go stand in the corner.
Close your eyes and press escape three times.
DYNAMIC LINKING ERROR: Your mistake is now everywhere.
Computer possessed? Try DEVICE=C:\EXOR.SYS
SENILE.COM found... Out Of Memory.
APATHY ERROR: Don't bother striking any key.
ZAP! Process discontinued. Enter any 12digit prime number to resume.
COFFEE.EXE missing: Insert Cup and Press Any Key
C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL
C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN
Access denied: nah nah na nah nah!
Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
BREAKFAST.COM halted: Cereal Port Not Responding
Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay...
File not found: Should I fake it? (Y/N)
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue...
Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...

ACCESS DENIED.

[Anonymous Coward]

Continue Access?

"ERROR: SUCCESS!"

[davemarmaros]

The fax machine in my office's mailroom displays this to confirm that your outgoing fax was sent. It confused the heck out of me the first time...

Re:"ERROR: SUCCESS!"

[Jucius Maximus]

"The fax machine in my office's mailroom displays this to confirm that your outgoing fax was sent. It confused the heck out of me the first time..."

Does the fax machine run XP Embedded?

My favorite windows error:

[hklingon]

My favorite Windows Error.

Though now on NT/2000 these errors are logged in the handy-dany event logger.

Oooooops.

[cosyne]

Or something to that effect. It was a few years ago, so probably MacOS8. Just the standard error box with no explaination besides "Oooooops"

There's always the old favorite "This application has performed a fatal error and will be shut down: Windows" and the similar "This file appears to be corrupted or infected, and should be replaced: Symantec AntiVirus." I'll post the screenshot of the antivirus one if i find it.

Re:Error,Cannot Close Application, Click OK to clo

[JWSmythe]

I still put those in for giggles.. Usually in something like this:

if ($a > 0){
#something
}elsif($a 0){
#something
}elsif($a = 0){
#something
}else{
die "Error: You shouldn't see this."
};

A Few Windows Error messages

[cOdEgUru]

(1) Winerr 00E : Unexplained Error - Please tell us how this happened
(2) 01B - Error Removing Temp File; Kernel.dll Will Be Substituted
(3) 01C - Wrong Disk Formatted. Sorry About That.
(4)Title: setup32.exe - error in application
The instruction "0x77e0a053" points to memory at "0x0f1366b8". The data was not transferred into RAM because of an I/O error in "0x00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 0000000000000000000000000000000c0000240".
That's a lot of zeros... I thought addresses were only 32 bits long in Windows2000...

Re:A Few Windows Error messages

[Salsaman]

Actually what really happened was this:

Bill Gates: 640K should be enough for anybody.

MS Exec: (cough) actually Bill, 640K isn't really very much memory at all...

Pause...

Bill G: (rubbing chin) Alright then - one meeeellion beeeellion treeeellion bytes should be enough for anybody.

MS Exec: yes Excellency, I shall ensure the changes are executed immediately.

cute error msg

[jennygerbi]

I like this far more than is acceptable:

>cat food
>cat: cannot open food

Re:cute error msg

[Iamthefallen]

almost as fun as
>man my_butt

Apollo workstation

[hedley]

At a DN300's boot prompt I typed:

> ?

You must be from Prime. Use 'h' for help.

Prime was Apollo's competitor at the time. :)

Hedley

Re:Apollo workstation

[pyropaul]

Another favourite apollo error message was something like "unit will not fit thru 19" hatch". If I recall correctly, it was a dig at Pr1me who'd had a contract with the navy for some kind of computer to go on a submarine. When the device was ready to be installed, they discovered it wouldn't fit through the hatch on the submarine! The founders of apollo were former Pr1me folks.

Dr. Watson caused a Dr. Watson

[borwells]

My favorite on the NT servers was a popup explainging that the Dr. Watson process had generated a Dr. Watson error. If the system hadn't frozen I would have screen-capped that bad boy.

Also, twice when using Veritas Backup Exec NT 7.3 I received a warning error messages stating that there were over 1 billion administrators currently connected to the system, so I should be careful making changes. I wasn't aware Backup Exec was so popular.

Could the Dell dude do gnarly error messages?

[Rai]

"Gnarly Error Messages" make me picture the Dell dude popping up like the M$ Clippy and saying something like "Dude, your program just totally crashed. Bummer!"

Error Msg

[spoonist]

This one has been pissing off quite a few people as of late:

# rm -f /bin/laden
/bin/laden: Not found
#

LOL Errors

[DrugCheese]

I remember the first time I seen the Half-Life error "ERROR: Dormant entity is thinking!!" I was impressed with the AI that it had a function built in to kill it off when it became sentient, I laughed forever. Literally.

I can't remember which game it was, something under linux, I got the error "HOLY $HIT there's an error!" Open source kicks a$$

My Favorite SQL Error Message

[Ikari Gendou]

"Cannot Start Transaction While in Firehose Mode"

PC Load Letter

[Brian_Ellenberger]

WTF Does PC Load Letter mean!!!

Re:PC Load Letter

[Anonymous Coward]

I love when a perfectly reasonable human being is able to completely ruin a good joke.

Thank you sir.

make love

[stile]

That's like the fun command you could use on some older versions of make:

$ make love
make: don't know how to make love. Stop.

Comment removed

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

HAL9000

[lateralus_1024]

[in soothing voice]"Dave, I'm afraid I can't let you do that."

linux

[Kallahar]

When installing linux you can get this error:

***Kernel panic: I have no root and I want to scream

if you don't tell the kernel where to find it's root filesystem.

Travis

Roxio EZ-CD Creator

[Anonymous Coward]

"A Catastrophic Error Has Occured.

Re:Apple's MPW C compiler famous for its error msg

[taniwha]

yeah "too many errors on a line - make fewer" was always one of my faves

In Delphi

[WetCat]

I was quite puzzled when I saw

Error message: Abstract error.

Drama queen software

[BernardMarx]

Once, while installing Worms World Party:

----
| Error: Install Error
| Reason: Catastrophic Failure
| OK?
----

Way to diagnose the problem...

HTTP 503.1

[utahjazz]

Service unavailable due to link posted on Slashdot.

got this after an online registration...

[grey3]

error: The account was succesfully created

My Best Ever

[coene]

Is when Windows Media Player 6 (before all the gooey interface stuff) gave me an:

Error #112233:
Catastrophic Failure

And then it continued to play the Divx movie fine....

If you can see this press OK

[lyberth]

If you are unable to see this press Cancel.

Message i got when installing Windows XP

Great old Amiga error message...

[nathanis]

I remember I was using an old Amiga disk-doctor type utility, and I got this wonderful error message:
'Cannot mark bad blocks because the block used for marking bad blocks is bad.'
Say THAT 10 times fast.
I've been telling this wonderful story to my computer friends for ages, and finally, I have an online outlet for it! Yay!

Other humorous error messages

[Anonymous Coward]

A friend once got a javascript error that would have made Bill Clinton proud:

'is' is not defined

I once got a Windows message telling me to insert the CD labeled 'Windows 98' into the floppy drive C: (really! all three in one!)

But my favorite was an old mainframe warning:

Warning: Starting system abort routine. Enter 'go' to continue or 'no' to stop.

To this day I don't know whether 'go' would continue aborting, or continue running, nor whether 'no' would stop running, or stop aborting!

Re:Other humorous error messages

[Jucius Maximus]

From the MS Office Clippy:

Clippit has performed an illegal operation and will be arrested.

From an old issue of PC Magazine:

Error 23 occured when attempting to report that error 23 occured.

Re:Other humorous error messages

[Tablizer]

Error 23 occured when attempting to report that error 23 occured.

That reminds me of a screenshot I once saw that said:

Not enough memory to display error m

Re:Other humorous error messages

[hords]

I like this one!

Your Password Must Be at Least 18770 Characters and Cannot Repeat Any of Your Previous 30689 Passwords

Microsoft Article

Re:Other humorous error messages

[Ateist]

My absolute favourite is the good old DOS message if your key-board wasn't connected: "No keyboard detected, press ENTER to continue" logic for computers...

Re:Other humorous error messages

[datadictator]

About three years ago I was working with the imutable Wolf Kotze on a criminal database for the South-African police. It was a SCO/NT/Linux based program with an SQL backend.
The code was later running into the tens of thousands of lines so we got into the habit of using the word FUCK in every single error message.
The reason being that it allowed you to get to the error generation code (the parts where ninety percent of your debugging happens) with a simple text search.

We also kept another set of 'proper ' error messages in a sepperate file, complete with a script to replace them in the code automagically, this way our code would have the funny fuck messages, but the code we shipped would not.

Of course there was a bug in our script and it left one in.
So one night, around three in the morning, my phone rings:
'Hello Venter speaking'
'Mr. Venter, this is Sargeant Willis of the Sunnyside Police Station.'
'Uh yeah ?'
'You are listed as the guy to call if we have problems with the computer system ?'
'Yes ? Can you tell me what's wrong ?'
'It says: No you've gone and fucked the whole system you dimwitted moron !'

Needless to say I the next day I went looking for new employment.

Ciao

Re:Other humorous error messages

[flossie]

Perfectly logical. As soon as you can press ENTER, you can proceed.

Re:Other humorous error messages

[Anonymous Coward]

Grasshopper. Your assumptions will be your undoing. Did you consider that it might NOT be obvious that it was "not generated intentionally"? Take, for example, the paranoid guy who gets a service number of U-FUKW1T

Error:

[mindstrm]

A popup dialog box saying:

Error: Operation completed successfully.

No indication of what software generated it or why.

On windows of course.

PCAnywhere 9.2 error message

[el-schwa]

This has to be my all time favorite, but PCAnywhere for Windows will give me "Error loading error message." on boot.

Microsoft Knowledge Base Article - Q325038

[cpeterso]

Q325038: Calendar Type May Change to Japanese Emperor Era When Outlook Runs

Norton Anti-Virus 3.x on Win95

[lateralus_1024]

After a 20+minute download (with 33.6kbps isp)I launched the Virus Definition Update package only to get the confirmation:

"The following file may have a Virus, contiue anyway?"

This was a NortonAV popup messagebox, not netscape or ie.

Win98 Device Manager

[hoagieslapper]

I cam across this error while trying to trouble shoot a hardware problem on a Win98 machine.

"The device is not working properly because the device is not working properly"

Thanks Bill for the info!

Re:Illegal Operation

[Dexx]

I work tech support now. Dont' get any of those, but one of our production systems threw this at me the other day:
"System Error: You need to contact technical support."

Unfortunately, the guy in the next cube over wasn't much help...

All MVS error messages

[tkrotchko]

All IBM MVS error messages end up saying this in the manual:

ERROR: Error on open macro at the address indicated

PROGRAMMER ACTION: Fix and rerun.

No joke.

SCO Unix Error

[LowellPorter]

A couple of years ago the company I worked for used SCO Unix. Once an error popped up that said "No Sleeping in Stream Head of Pipe".

Thanks for reminding me

[sh0rtie]

____________________________
Internet Explorer
Line: 142
Char: 7
Error: 'null' is null or not an object
Code:0
URL: http://jobs.microsoft.co.uk/working.asp
_________ ___________________

http://remember.mine.nu/null.jpg

Re:Not funny on its own but

[jafac]

I used to label my drive "DEFECTIVE" - so that whenever I did a DIR, it said - "The volume label on drive C: is DEFECTIVE"

Edit your error messages!

[wirelessbuzzers]

Yep. I had a Mac LC. I changed my bomb error to say, "someone set up us the bomb!" Fun, editing error messages. There's a hack somewhere that replaces the BSOD with Haiku:

Windows XP crashed.
I am the blue screen of death.
No one hears your screams.

One for some disk-scanning tool was:

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and loss of data.
Guess which has occurred.

Then there's the
+++OUT OF CHEESE ERROR+++
+++MELON MELON MELON+++
+++REDO FROM START+++
error, copied from The Hogfather

Laugh along with gnu

[anonymous coword]

Has these funny errors to laugh at

My personal (own experiences) top 9 list!

[Jugalator]

1. MS Excel: Cannot quit Microsoft Excel. [OK]

2. MS Outlook: The COM Transaction Integrator Resync TP service depends on the SnaBase service which failed to start because of the following error: The operation completed successfully.

3. Cannot copy 16SID_~1. The file exists.

4. MS FrontPage: Out of memory while attempting to allocate 0 byte.

5. MS Word: Cannot execute the command since Unknown is busy.

6. MS Windows Update: This update solves the security problem with an uncontrolled buffer in the SNMP service in Windows XP. You can find more information in MS Security Bulletin MS02-006. Download the problem now to stop malicious users from .... bla bla

7. The window Internet Explorer or the ActiveX-control on this page is busy. If you close this window there might be problems. Do you wish to close the window? [OK/Cancel]

8. Winsock Error: -10000. No Error.

9. Dreamweaver: An unnamed file contains an invalid path. [OK]

Re:Error,Cannot Close Application, Click OK to clo

[wirelessbuzzers]

elsif($a 0)

die "Error: You shouldn't see this unless I forgot a less than sign (or Slashdot removed it)."

Re:Apple's MPW C compiler famous for its error msg

[davidmccabe]

Or how about:

"You can't modify a constant, float upstream, win an argument with the IRS, or satisfy this compiler." :-D

Oh for the days when Apple had a since of humor.

Actually it's F1

[Rui del-Negro]

And personally I prefer the ones that said "Keyboard not found; press F1 to continue"

RMN
~~~

Re:Actually it's F1

[Richardsonke1]

Yeah, i got that error once...right after i fried my keyboard controller. The entire motherboard was totaled. Not a happy day...never did get to press F1.

System Administrator

[Anonymous Coward]

What really gets on my tits, is microsofts excuse for an error message:

"Please contact your system administrator."

- I am the fucking adminsitrator and I still don't have a fucking clue!

Red Screen of Death

[Kircle]

One day at work a guy a few isles down starts screaming, and everyone went to see what was wrong. Apparently, his NT machine got a Red Screen of Death! Totally not making this up. Don't know what he did to make it so beat red mad...

ResEdit and Mac OS X

[Triv]

It's really really easy to change your error messages in a pre-OSX Mac system. When I was in 8th grade I got a good shot in at my music teacher. I booted up our studio computer, fired up ResEdit and changed a resourse or three. So instead of "Please re-insert disk" he saw "Hey! I was eating that!" Instead of the standard Error type-11 messages (application crashed - out of memory - restart) he got "what did you do that for? - (poke again)" and the restart / shutdown dialogue was replaced with "play God." - restart, Shut Down and Cancel turned into Resurrect, Eternal Damnation and Have Mercy. :)

Good times.

triv

My first unix error...

[ChrisKnight]

The year was 1989, and I was installing Interactive 386/ix (AT&T licensed UNIX) on a pc. At some point in working on the box I got the error "bad magik". I have loved unix and unix-like operating systems ever since. DOS was always boring.

-Chris

Funky error message

[hwestiii]

My favorite error message (not really an error, more informational) came from a driver for a Cannon office printer (floor model copy machine + printer + fax) when requesting a size for a margin. The message stated "Enter an integer between 0 and 1.2"

"YOU HAVE COMMITTED AN INEXPLICABLE ERROR"

[Archeopteryx]

I got the title as an error message from RSX-11M Fortran-IV Plus in about 1982. Turns out, after bothering the folks at DEC for days, that the problem was a mis-aligned named COMMON section. Why didn't they just SAY so???

The Dreaded /. Error Message:

[Devil's BSD]

My most interesting error messages go something like this.

[root@localhost]% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ].

[root@localhost]% gotta light?
no match.

[root@localhost]% ^What is saccharine?
Bad substitute.

[root@localhost]% cat "food in cans"
cat: can't open food in cans

[root@localhost]% rm God
God not found.

[root@localhost]% talk VladimirPutin@Kremlin
Cannot find VladimirPutin@Kremlin: Your party is not logged on.

More funny UNIX commands here.

SWTP prompt

[frovingslosh]

The old SWTP microprocessor kits used to output a single * as a prompt. I prety much knew how the day was going to go when I saw one that, the first time it was powered up, type out FU

someone's in the kitchen

[Jucius Maximus]

The Selecting Blendolini Causes Choco-Banana Shake Hang From the BSOD-on-my-toaster dept issue was a real error in a Microsoft related program, "Someone's in the Kitchen." There used to be a whole technet article describing the crash involving the choco-banana shake recipe, but it was pulled. For reference, check this out: Q157668 Mystery solved.

Re:someone's in the kitchen

[w3woody]

OH, MY, GOD!

As the principle software developer on Someone's in the Kitchen (the title helped pay the down payment on my house), I have to say I didn't realize this problem had made it to the published Microsoft Knowledge Base. Of all things...

Though I have to admit, the funniest bug report I ever tracked for that product was a timing error in a .wav file that got integrated into the Kitchen product. At one point, the 'Fridge says "Eeeek! A cockroach!."

Problem was, the wave file was cut short, and the play back of the audio stopped before the syllable "roach."

Needless to say fixing that problem before GM was slightly more important than the Blendolini Choco-Shake hang.

WinNT

[Karamchand]

The POP3 server service depends on the SMTP server service, which
failed to start because of the following error:
The operation completed successfully.
-Windows NT Server v3.51-

Error 95: Bad user input, replace user and try again :-)

PC LOAD LETTER??

[flacco]

What the fuck is that?!

Topez Sound Studio

[NeoPotato]

I had a program called Topez Sound Studio that repeatedly gave me the error message:

Shit.

Re:Illegal Operation

[Jucius Maximus]

"Working in Technical support for a government website frequented by technophobes with college aged children, I can't count the times I have had people scared to death because their computer had encountered an illegal operation."

I once worked with this woman with poor vision who was hysterical because something about an "illegal abortion" had appeared on her machine.

She said that she had advised a girl who had made some mistakes on such matters but never was actually involved in such a thing. Only later she realised what it really said.

Linux errors are the best

[LupusUF]

I was compiling a program once (I sure as hell wish I remembered which program it was) and it told me that my refrigerator did not have enough beer. The program still compiled of course...it just flashed that error across the screen.

Re:Linux errors are the best

[0x0d0a]

There's a lightweight library designed for very small programs called owfat.

The switch to link against this library was thus -lowfat

Messages from other planets

[dcavanaugh]

Back in my VAX/VMS days, the powers that be decided to name the machines after planets. The limit was six characers, so the names were "VENUS", "MARS", and "PLUTO". So far, so good.

Certain conditions, (such as a reboot) were generally accompanied by broadcast messages that would (in our case) be sent to hundreds of dumb terminals in about 12 different cities.

*** Reply received from operator on MARS ***
System shutdown in 5 minutes

Very Unnerving

[avalys]

From a TI-86 calculator, in the middle of my math final:

ERROR 29: BAD GUESS

Not exactly what I wanted to hear from my calculator.

'I'm crushing your head!'

[Anml4ixoye]

My favorite from Macromedia:

'I'm crushing your head!' error appears after leaving open a pop-up slider

Product: Flash
Platform: All
Versions: 5.0
ID: 15438

Issue
After leaving a slider pop-up open, the user switches to another functio] such as accessing a menu or testing a movie. Flash then behaves unexpectedly. Sometimes an error message appears which states:

"I'm crushing your head!" "Crashing at gPopupDail should be new!. Yes = go to debugger, No = keep running, Cancel = terminate."

At other times the slider may continue to appear independently of the panel.

Reason
This error is caused by leaving the a pop-up slider open while attempting to perform another function.

Solution
Click out of the slider area to close the pop-up slider before testing the movie or accessing another menu.

Error code found in the wild

[Matey-O]

A Friend (not a FOAF, just a friend) worked for a company that wrote software for optimising the layout on ICs. The error they coded wasn't ever supposed to be encountered outside the development area, unfortunately the got a call from a customer asking what

"Error: Wrong Gender, unable to have sex."

meant.

Is Jeeves gay?

[wirelessbuzzers]

It's the "Jovial" one right now, but for a while it gave an error:

HTTP error 403: file is none of your business
You have a lot of nerve even clicking on this link.

I didn't make this up since I can't do ascii art

[Kernel Panic]

Here's a kernel dump I got once while creating a software raid. I tried to post it, but the lameness filter keeps stopping me.

Kernel error

IBM 1130

[GordoSlasher]

I used an IBM 1130 in college (yes, we had electricity in those days). There were half a dozen or so status lamps on the front console. These were bulbs inset into rectanglar holes, with a chunk of translucent colored plastic containing a phrase for the status. One was a green piece of plastic labeled "Power" and another was a red one labeled "Parity Error".

The computer was down for a week due to a parity error when the system was powered up. The IBM tech couldn't figure it out. Eventually somebody looked at a picture of the console in the manual and noticed the Power and Parity Error indicators had been switched. The system was working all along!

Depressed web servers

[skinfitz]

Probably an old one but it would appear relevant.

OS/360 error message... Sort of...

[AdrianG]

I know someone who, in college, changed our local instance of OS/360-MVT to that instead of giving the traditional

• INTERVENTION REQUIRED ON device

message, it would say

• DIVINE INTERVENTION REQUIRED ON device

Adrian

Printer not found

[cosyne]

Back in the 80s, we got an Amiga 1000, and my dad was trying to hook up an apple image writer to the serial port. Apparently, the Amiga would dump error messages to the serial port, expecting a terminal to be connected. So at some point, he tries to print something, it doesn't work, the machine trys printing an error message to the serial port. So the printer makes it laborious dot matrix printing noises, and then advances the paper, which says "Printer not found".

Compiler error messages

[danrik]

I was playing around with a compiler a friend wrote for a compiler class..... it had only one error message: "You lied: You told me this was a program."

Not exactly an error message but still funny

[targo]

Earth Rotates in Wrong Direction

How about this one...

[BlueBlade]

I was messing around with an old parallel port drive in DOS, when the device driver flaked out or something. DOS helpfully printed out this error message :

Out of paper on Drive D:

Hum, sure.

TiVo

[subuni]

If the internal temperature on your TiVo reaches a certain point, you're greated with an image of the TiVo dude in flames, with a message "Your TiVo is on fire! Call 911 now!". http://tivo.samba.org/download/belboz/firegood.jpg .

make: stop. don't know how to make love!

[geoswan]

...that featured the following error msg:

I must remember to put an error message here

I read a case history that was somewhat similar. Except the error message was in Latin. Someone who had once taken Latin was tracked down, and asked to translate. The translation was something like, "Unto the son is born a brother". When the original programmer was tracked down, he was embarrassed. "But that condition was never supposed to arrive. He had some kind of complicated data structure, where each element could have children and siblings. Except the element at the apex of the tree was supposed to be a special case -- no siblings.

But since it was never supposed to happen the original programmer didn't bother to put a meaningful error message.

Back with good old version 7, make gave error messages like:

make: stop. don't know how to make foo!

if you had typed "make foo" and there was no makefile, or no rule for foo in the makefile.

When computer naive people (remember them) would ask what computers could do, it was fun to have them sit down and type:

make love

Which would, of course, result in:

make: stop. don't know how to make love!

"make war" was another good one.

Re:Insert what to continue?

[Tablizer]

Not exactly an error message. More of a message error, but I'm sure alot of people have heard of the "Please insert dick and press any key to continue..." urban legend. Ouch.

Imagine the lawsuit when some newbie takes it literally while running porn software.

Tech support line: "You reformatted your what?"

Best error message ever

[quacking duck]

Beep beep beep beep!

Re:Illegal Operation

[spudnic]

As a Systems Administrator, I must concur that the most annoying error messages are the ones that tell me to "Consult your Systems Administrator".

no joke...

[thegarbageman]

After finishing a database application I got a complaint from the accounts payable office that the new program was telling her "money is not an object"

My favorite

[Milinar]

"Microsoft Word cannot edit the unknown."

When you write your own errors

[dmorin]

"Tech support."
"The printer doesn't work."
"Is there an error? What does it say?"
"It's all the way in the next room."
"Ma'am, I need to know the error."
"It says printer error."
"Could you read me exactly what is says?"
"I remembered. That's what it says. Printer error."
"Ok, ma'am? You're talking to the guy that wrote the software. I know for a fact that it doesn't say printer error, because I never wrote an error message that says printer error. Now please put down the phone, go into the other room, and read me the real message."
*click*

True story.

RedHat 7.1 system

[TheCabal]

"You're running me on a live system! That's incredibly stupid."

This popped up in a RedHat 7.1 system while trying to get some QLogic HBA adapters to work.

Amiga: "User Stupidity Error"

[mtgstuber]

Many years ago on my Amiga (call me a fanatic, but I still love that machine) there was a very cool file management program. For the life of me I can't remember the name. Anyway, if you tried to do certain things, like delete a floppy disk, or format a directory, it would pop up a message "User Stupidity Error." Finally, some code that tells it like it is. I wish I could put "User Stupidity Errors" in my programs at work . . .

Does anybody remember what the name of the program was?

V7 help command

[mildness]

In 1982 I was completely new to Unix. There were two cryptic manuals and really no books. Knowing a bit about other computers one day I typed in "help". Unix replied:

"The Lord helps those who help themselves"

A riot those old Bell Labs guys!

Cheers,

Bill

PC Loadletter

[jabbo]

PC Load letter? What the fuck does that mean?

That bitch is lucky I'm not armed.

Re:PC Loadletter

[odaiwai]

It means: "We here at $PRINTER_CORP really hate you goddamn limeys or you smelly Europeans with your different paper sizes and we're going to damn well specify an American paper size by default in every single application and printer we sell, so that you have to go hunt them all out and change them individually!"

dave

tcsh: bill gates

[hbmartin]

With tcsh enter 'bill gates'. tcsh's helpful spelling corrector will answer 'kill gates?'

It's all about the donuts, baby.

[cookd]

This was in the back of PC Magazine a few weeks ago. Sorry I can't remember the specifics.

Setting: A published piece of software, in a moderately obscure error case. The first half of the error message is fabricated (since I don't remember the specifics) but the second half tells volumes about programmers and their motivations:

This feature has not yet been correctly implemented. Bad Programmer. No donut.

Silent death (long)

[RetiredMidn]

Old story, but still my favorite...

In the 70's I worked in a college computer center equipped with an RCA Spectra 70 batch-oriented system. I was fixing a problem with one of the line printers (paper stacking) when I got a bad static shock from the printer cabinet, at which point the printer abruptly stopped printing.

I walked over to the operator's console to report the problem, and was interrupted by the console teletype printing a message (paraphrased):

Job 00371 has device LPT1 in silent death

While we were trying to figure that out, the console continued to print out messages every 30 seconds or so:

Job 00358 has device MTA0 in silent death

Job 00364 has device CDR0 in silent death

...and so on through all the peripherals. The center's systems programmer was called in, and he indicated that he had no idea what the messages meant. About this time the console printed the line:

Job *SYS* has device CPU0 in silent

...and stopped.

True Story

[MakeItStopItHurts]

In 1996 I was working at a Web development firm called Giant Step in Chicago. At that time a lot of people (including Bill Gates) still thought the Web wasn't going to change much. I had referred a friend, named Andy (who may read this) for a programming job there. He was immediately assigned to work on the new Oldsmobile Web site, which accounted (at the time) for something like 3/4 of our annual revenue. The is old enough to have been missed by the Internet Archive. What a shame. Oldsmobile was going to use a really new markup feature: Frames. Andy was (like most geeks) a pretty antisocial person, so in his tag, he always typed: You're a loser, get a real browser.&lt/noframes> When Oldsmobile launched the new Web site, they launched it on dialup capable consoles right in some dealer showrooms. The consoles were shipped running the latest and greatest (Windows 95) and a brand new browser from Microsoft. Yes, it was flawed back then too. Andy didn't know he had it right -- MS wasn't even a player then, and no one took them seriously. The time between when the first dealer called our client-service rep complaining that the new system had called him a loser to the time Andy was fired, packed, and gone was about 10 minutes.

MS-DOS's "REN"

[Dr.Dubious DDQ]

My all-time favorite is the old "ren" error - "Duplicate file name or file not found".

If it's not immediately funny - parse it:
"Duplicate file name" = "The file exists"
"File not Found" = "The file doesn't exist"

So...basically the error message says "the file exists or it doesn't"....

Something wrong!

[Icephreak1]

I used to work for Netcom Canada where we had our own in-house software for business related hosting services, and no word of a lie, while I was once testing the software it unexpectedly crashed with the error:

Something wrong!

Naturally I laughed.

- IP

KMAG YOYO

[surfcow]

KMAG YOYO ... reportedly an MVS error. Displayed only when a theoretically impossible state occurred. Once, while testing the system, it came up. The old programmer said it meant: "kiss my *ss guys, you're on your own".

First programming job

[Anonymous Coward]

At the first place I ever worked as a programmer, there was a piece of code running on a mainframe that had an error message in it that was, theoritically, never to be hit. One day, it went off.

The message:

"Shut yer down, Clancy, she's a pumpin' mud!"

heheheh

TeX

[Sandmann]

TeX can produce the error

"Interwoven alignment preambles are not allowed"

and all the TeXbook has to say about it is:

"If you have been so devious as to get this
message, you will understand it, and you will
deserve no sympathy"

Favorite Mac Error message

[overunderunderdone]

Well this one is not really an error message. There was a multimedia company that had a promotional floppy (this was before CD's) that had this gag error message pop up on your mac (it's been a while so I might not get the wording exactly right)

"How would you like if I erased all your files?" with two buttons both of which said "OK". If you clicked on the button it would say "just kidding" if you clicked anywhere else it would call you a coward.

Kernel 2.0 , my dumb error

[Lupulack]

I remember way back in the 2.0.x days , I tried enabling SMP support on a dual P150 machine. This was when doing so entailed editing the makefile by hand.

Well , I apparently did something wrong , because on booting my shiny new SMP enabled kernel I got the error message,

"This should never happen. You must have done something extraordinarily stupid. I suggest you fix it."

Oddly enough , that day I considered myself honoured.

IBM never released this...

[Anonymous Coward]

Back in the late '80s I worked on a project at IBM. The documentation writers were not native English speakers. After reporting the cause of an error, the User Guide and Reference said: "Action: take a dump."

Won't find this on a posIT underneath the keyboard

[phiz187]

Error Message:

Your password must be at least 18770 characters and cannot repeat any of your previous 30689 passwords. Please type a different password. Type a password that meets these requirements in both text boxes.

Who's the genius that came up with this one?

Re:Errors covering errors

[Fnkmaster]

That's like the old CS51 assignment I did where for NO apparent reason, an index was magically one off at the end of some large array calculation, so when I printed the results out, the first result in this array was always a zero. The solution? I simply added one to the pointer before printing the array.

Of course, my TA called me out on it when I got the graded result back -- she had taken off three points. I said, fine, if YOU can find the flaw in the rest of my logic, then I will accept that I made a mistake and deserved to be docked three points. She rapidly gave up, and only took off one point instead. :) The joys of pointer arithmetic.

Too many errors on one line. Make fewer.

[mveloso]

This is from the classic MPW C 68k compiler. There were lots more messages, most of which I've forgotten. Apparently the writer was an englishman with a truly droll sense of humor.

VirtualPC inside VirtualPC

[Phroggy]

An amusing error I got when trying to run VirtualPC for Windows inside VirtualPC for Mac. Yes, this is real.

Mainframe message

[cbdavis]

Message to confirm the creation of the CPU
firmware IOCDS file:

File is Writed

"Possible hardware or software error"

[Garg]

A friend who used to work on Burroughs equipment told me he once that message.

I like the 'possible' part. (It could be neither! Quantum physics no doubt involved!)

What's really scary is I understood most of the message that prompted this article...

Garg

My favorite from an ex-employer

[dfinster]

We sent this out to the big-six accounting firms in our tax-compliance application several years ago:

"Shut 'er down Clancy - She's pumpin' mud."

Another year this one went out:

"So sad, too bad, nighty night, zzzz."

Life's error messages

[Tablizer]

Unknown Error in "step 5. Profit!"

Java

[ReadParse]

What, I need to elaborate?

Found in Air Traffic Management Code:

[mekkab]

Return_Value = Otay_Buckwheat;

Right up there with 0xDEADBEEF- RS6000 proc's when the registers aren't initialized.

Re:Found in Air Traffic Management Code:

[angelo]

AIX 4.3 running on PPC has a d39dbeef error when there is a hardware problem. I've also seen a 0xdeadbeef before on a model 230. It was an error I was happy to see (230s were garbage)

Shut her down Scotty, she's sucking mud again.

[Ldir]

True story, this message was in Tandy Xenix c. 1982 or so. The Tandy 16/6000 ran Xenix (UNIX System III with a lot of the BSD enhancements) on a Motorola 68000, but used a Z80 subsystem for I/O processing, including the console. This message was generated on the console by the Z80 subsystem. I don't remember exactly what caused it - it was really rare - but it basically meant the system was thoroughly hosed. You could see the message in the "z80ctl" binary if you knew where to look.

I doubt you could get that message past the suits these days. If you did, I'm sure Paramount would demand a royalty every time the message appeared (Star Trek franchiise).

"domain error: forces on balls too great"

[MillionthMonkey]

Gdk-ERROR **: Fatal IO error 9 (Bad file descriptor) on X server :0.0.
attraction: domain error: forces on balls too great

Here is a screenshot.

Not that it's exactly on topic, but here are links to a few other pictures of Windows error messages and bluescreens from the same site that I thought were funny.

"Not That Button, You Idiot..."

[dugndog]

Early in my career, I was writing code for a small system which required 12 hour compiles. Intermediate compile results were written to three cassette drives (standard music cassettes). As cassettes filled up they had to be removed and replaced in exactly the correct order or the system would freeze and you had to start over. Not only that, but the compiler was slightly flaky and would sometimes hang even if you did everything right. If the compiler hung, you had a fifty-fifty chance that it would continue if you pushed the red console reset button.

I was in one of those intense periods where we needed a clean compile every day. So I would code for a couple of hours, fire off a compile, and then monitor it into the night. Needless to say, after a few days, I was pretty wiped.

Late One evening, deep into the compile, the dreaded hang occurred (you could tell because the cassettes stopped turning). With trembling hand, I reached for the red button to see my fate. I pushed the button (at least I think I pushed the right button).

The console began to print...

"Not that button you idiot! the red button"

In my sleep-deprived stupor, I could only stare. Then I hesitantly reached out and pushed the red button again. The machine burped, The cassettes began to turn, I could only watch and wait the remaining hours of the compile to see if I had running code.

And no, I could never reproduce the message! (Note: if anyone cares, this was a Burroughs B-80, compiling Burroughs S-1000 software)

TRS-80 Error

[VivianC]

My fave is still an error from the TRSDOS days:

Error: Unprintable Error

Come on! You can tell me.

From an old old mainframe program...

[Anonymous Coward]

As a college student, we used old character based file editors to do things. They allowed us to write primitive (by today's standards) macros with variables. I think the product was called Fang.

Someone tried to use a variable name that was four letters long...started with an F...ended with a K...I think we all know the word.

And Fang gave the following error message when we tried to run the macro at the line with the foul word. Again, doing this all by memory...

"Yes, Fang knows these words also and you will not be allowed to use them in the program."

All further references to the variable were undefined.

Re:Not funny on its own but

[sg_oneill]

Ok. This is a bad admission but here goes. I *used* to have a bad habit of using bizare dada names for test variables so they would stick out at me when cleaning code up for production. Some of them where just ludicrous. I realised the practice was getting way too whacky when the boss came in red in the face asking what the fuck a variable called "MaryCarefullyWipesHerFrock" was doing in his precious code, and why it was commented that it was "being taken from behind by intDuckMonster"

Re:make: stop. don't know how to make love!

[Kragg]

I always liked:

%man arse

no manual entry for arse

Practical joke..

[Anonvmous Coward]

I played a joke on my company a few years ago. I screen capped and altered an error message to say "The radiation shielding on your monitor has failed, please do not sit directly in front of your monitor."

I placed this image in the middleof a copy of a page from our website, then sent a company-wide email exlaining the new update they needed to see. After a few people asked me about the error message (also asking me to order new monitors...), I copied a CNN health page and gave it a few minor alterations. I wrote a fake explanation of a new virus going around called the "Microwave Virus" that overloaded the UV guns in your monitor. This exposure can cause people to feel tired, irritable, and a few other normal things you feel while you're at work. I then renamed my computer to 'www.cnn-news.com' and posted the page using MS Personal Web Server. I sent out a 'Sysadmin Virus Warning' and went to lunch.

When I got back from lunch, a group of my coworkers were trying to figure out if they should go home or if they should see their doctors first. Heh.

They weren't so stunned that I faked the message, but rather that I had faked CNN's site so well. Pity they missed the typo in the error message.

Re:Error,Cannot Close Application, Click OK to clo

[ReverendRyan]

I was programming back in the Good 'ol Days, and one of those ACTUALLY HAPPENED! I was programming in QBX under PC-DOS 7.0, and nothing was working right... so i suck in a statement similar to the following, and it executed!:

if 1=2 then print "OOPS!"

Needless to say, I didnt go back to programming for the rest of the day...

NVRAM insanity error

[jimfrost]

My favorite error message came out of an AT&T 3b2 running SysV.2 or maybe V.3. We were trying to break into it because the root password had been forgotten and unfortunately you needed a hardware password to boot it single user ... and of course someone had changed that from the default and nobody knew it, either. We got the bright idea of disconnecting the battery to reset the machine to hardware defaults.

The next reboot gave us "NVRAM insanity error." Quite descriptive. :-)

Kernel32.dll

[Lothsahn]

Kernel32.dll is using too many system resources and must be terminated...

It couldn't be MORE accurate!

Compiling umoria on an Apollo

[Anonymous Coward]

From: ianb@ocf.berkeley.edu (Ian Barkley)
Subject:Compiler says 'Ack'
Date: 23 Feb 92 09:30:04 GMT

ABSOLUTELY UNCHANGED COMPILER RESPONSES
(from a make of umoria 5.4 on an Apollo...)

[monsoon:umoria] 19} make
cc -O -c main.c
Compiler Errors
99 divide by 0 error: can't find source
033 linker attempting to 'duck tape' this 'gerbil' of a program ...

more

Incorrect password. The correct password is asdfg.

[sopuli]

The joys of moving debugging code to production.

Weird error messages

[The Moving Shadow]

I remember those old Sierra-On-Line error messages: "OOPS! You did something we didn't think of" and then some advice to restore your last saved game. And there were those creative people from Origin that made my Wing Commander game crash sometimes with the enigmatical message: "Error: Forgot to salt the fries..." I never figured out what that meant.

Illegal error

[feenberg]

I like the message I got from VM 370 many years ago:

Illegal Error: Device returned illegal error code.

Translation is "You bought a third party compatible disk drive and it returned an error code to the OS that wasn't defined".

Help desk call...

[floydigus]

user: "Hello, I have a problem with my computer"
me: "What does it say?"
user: "unable to find pointer device"
me: "I think that means there is a problem with the mouse"
user: "Oh my god! It's been stolen"

Error messages that should NOT go out

[Phemur]

(Names have been changed to protect the innocent)

Our customer support group received a call one day from someone asking to talk to Bob. The cs rep replied that this was Foo Inc's support line, and gave them the head office number. The customer insisted that this was a legitimate problem with the software.

When the cs rep dug a little deeper, the customer said: "I was running your software, and an error message came up that said 'This should never happen. If it does, call Bob' ".

Sure enough, I grepped the code, and Bob had left that error message in an obscure part of the code.

Phemur

Bill Gates the road

[Anonymous Coward]

Try running Bill Gates the Road Ahead CD-ROM on windows XP.

You get the following error
Installation Problem
Sorry, The Road Ahead does not run on Windows NT. Please install on a computer running Windows 3.10 or greater

Re:Not funny on its own but

[BreakWindows]

> Forth will rise again

ITYM "again will rise Forth" :)

Yoda You Like Are If FORTH Understand You Will Then

Best error message ever

[pz]

This was in production Lisp Machine system code for a long time. I don't recall what triggered the error, but I did manage to get it once on a TI Explorer (Texas Instrument's Lisp Machine):

Something really bad happened. See if RMS is in the building.

Since RMS was responsible for much of the system code, this kind of made sense. But it was in a commercial machine! And, yes, it meant *that* RMS.

male lament

[Anonymous Coward]

To display a job on MVS | OS/390

d blow

reponse was

BLOW JOB NOT FOUND

They are rare ...

You have recieved a General Undefined Error!

[RandomUsername99]

That one is for a product called the elmo-phone that I used to do tech support at for this outsourced company. The other good one was if your voice can not be recognized by the product (it wasn't REALLY voice recognition, it just tested to see if there was any sound), elmo would say "elmo can't hear you!" in this really urgent voice. God damn that scared the crap out of a lot of kids.

Gnarly Error Messages

[Anonymous Coward]

Fond memories of the old "B" Series burroughs machines---

"Error: Non-fatal suicide"

and

"Error: Death in Family"

Microsoft encouriging better password security?

[imlepid]

While poking around the Knowledge Base I found an article Q276304 discussing this error message which pops up under certain circumstances when changing your password in Win2k:

"Your Password Must Be at Least 18770 Characters and Cannot Repeat Any of Your Previous 30689 Passwords"

I have been hounding people who have weak passwords on the network I administer and it's been tough getting people to come up with 8 character passwords!

Win Explorer

[rat7307]

A guy I work with had shakey hands and with taps enabled on his laptop, he managed to drag the Start menu stuff in Win98 to another directory.
When I tried to drag the Start Menu Dir back to where it belonged I got:

Cannot perform this operation as it is a Rooted Explorer

Amen to that.....

windows data error

[mehu]

My all-time favorite:

The data could not be "read"

(yes, the quotes are part of the error message)

Good old Windows NT

[Xaroth]

My all-time favorite error message was this, encountered while emptying the recycle bin:

"Unable to delete files due to insufficient disk space. Try deleting some files to free up more disk space."

Actual text from error message:

[74ragbug]

The World Wide Web Publishing Service service terminated unexpectedly. It has done this 3 time(s). The following corrective action will be taken in 0 milliseconds: No action.