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Star Wars Episode III : Birth Of The Empire

lemmen writes "According the Brtish tabloid The Sun, Star Wars III will carry the name 'Birth Of The Empire'. This will be announced soon according the article. Also it describes one of the highlights of the movie: 'A thrilling lightsabre clash between Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker while surfing on lava.' Can't wait till May 15th 2005!" Thanks to reader ExoticMandibles, another quality news source: Teen Hollywood. Update: 05/20 05:47 GMT by T : Gokey writes with a correction: "StarWars.com indicates that the movie is released May 19th, 2005 (exactly one year from now) not May 15th, 2005."

123 of 970 comments (clear)

  1. "Birth of the Empire"? by Radon+Knight · · Score: 5, Funny

    I suppose the only consolation is that it could have been worse. How, exactly, is eluding me at the moment, but I am sure that it could have been.

    1. Re:"Birth of the Empire"? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

      "Star Wars: Birth of George Lucas' Hollywood Hills Mansion"

    2. Re:"Birth of the Empire"? by macshune · · Score: 5, Funny

      Exactly! The title is some sort of weird grandfather paradox. This movie gives birth to the characters that inhabit the earlier movies later in time that give Lucas the money to create his empire so that he can make the former movies to create his empire because his empire is dependent on the characters that are in Birth of the Empire.

      ...right? Hmmmm, I predict that the reply to this post that asks, "Huh?" will get +5 Funny.

    3. Re:"Birth of the Empire"? by nacturation · · Score: 3, Funny
      The source was fake. The real title is:
      Star Wars III: Miscarriage of Lucas
      --
      Want to improve your Karma? Instead of "Post Anonymously", try the "Post Humously" option.
    4. Re:"Birth of the Empire"? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

      Huh?

    5. Re:"Birth of the Empire"? by silverbolt · · Score: 5, Funny

      Huh ?

    6. Re:"Birth of the Empire"? by Minwee · · Score: 5, Funny

      If Episode III is "Birth of the Empire", then that would make the two before it "Painful Contractions of the Empire".

  2. Star Wars III: by noewun · · Score: 3, Funny

    The Birth of a Migraine.

    --
    I am a believer of momentum and curves.
    1. Re:Star Wars III: by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Insightful

      Really THAT funny? I guess I'm one of the last remaining people that love the Star Wars saga for it's story, and not just the fact that it was the best Sci-Fi/Adventure series from my childhood. I wonder how many 80 year-olds rolled their eyes when Star Wars came out because it wasn't Metropolis.

      I'm excited to see the last movie, becuase it's the reason the prequels were made in the first place. It's the reason any of us were excited to see the Phantom Menace. It's the reason why everyone, including PM-haters, went to see Attack of the Clones. However, even though I liked the first 2 prequels, I admit this last one will have to be nothing short of great. If it fails, the whole prequel trilogy fails.

    2. Re:Star Wars III: by noewun · · Score: 5, Interesting
      I am part of the original Star Wars Generation - I was eight when the first one came out, and I saw it in the theaters eleven times. I saw Empire and Return multiple times as well. I had Star Wars figures. I went as Luke Skywalker for Halloween, blah blah blah.

      I was excited for A New Hope, and went to see it at the Ziegfeld Theater in NYC when it premiered. I left the movie disappointed and aghast - horrible writing, terrible directing and a movie which bored me silly. My problem with Star Wars is not Star Wars but George Lucas himself, and the huge drop in quality he has overseen. It seems that without Leigh Bracket and Irvin Kershner to help him, Lucas is incapable of rising above rank melodrama in the new movies. The is doubly confusing to me, as Lucas did great things with the first movie, American Graffiti and THX1138.

      I don't know when Lucas lost it (I think it was when he changed the Greedo/Solo scene for the re-release of the original trilogy) but I have no problem saying the emperor has no clothes. I will always enjoy the first three movie, but the last two have been complete crap.

      --
      I am a believer of momentum and curves.
    3. Re:Star Wars III: by ajd1474 · · Score: 4, Insightful

      For those who have it, The Fawlty Towers box set has a great interview with John Cleese. It is a great interview and some of the points he makes are very relevant to Star Wars.

      When questioned why he never made another series after the second, or whether he would do a movie or a reunion episode, he categorically says "no". Not because he doesnt want to, but that he knows that individuals romanticise movies and tv shows, and in their own mind make them to be better than they ever really were.

      We all remember the great parts of the OT, but all too easily skip over the bad parts that we have chosen to forget about, or discard when we watch them again.

      The reality is, that in our childhood minds the OT have a special place. And that will never be matched by any subsequent episode in the Star Wars universe. We all hold it so fondly in our minds that, regardless of how bad it actually was, we still love it anyway.

      The REAL test is to put someone who has never seen any of the 5 movies and gauge their reaction. You will be surprised to find that (of the people i know) the OT is considered cheesy, melodramatic and (in the case of ROTJ particularly) are just kids films.

      We made them great in our minds... the Prequels could never live up to that.

      --
      I refuse to have a sig... dammit!
  3. I'll wait... by Shmoe · · Score: 3, Insightful

    There was always an official Lucas announcement as to the names of the prequels, and many many rumors/fake names... anyone think this is legit?

    1. Re:I'll wait... by ForestGrump · · Score: 5, Insightful

      Its "news" coming from a tabloid. How much credibility should I give it?

      I would trust Maxim more...but that is only because I have a subscription to it.

      -Grump

      --
      Is it true that more people vote for the winner of American Idol, than vote for the president? -Ali G.
    2. Re:I'll wait... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

      "still looking for a wife"

      Speaking as one of the few female-types on here, if you're reading Maxim for the articles, they're crap. I can respect a guy who "reads" it for the pictures (hey, yer human). But if you're using the articles for anything but to laugh at, you really need a better source of info on "how to get a girl".

  4. I sense a disturbance in the Force... by Luigi30 · · Score: 3, Funny

    The biggest question: Will it pull a Star Trek and contradict everything we know already?

    --
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  5. Surfing on lava? by Andorion · · Score: 5, Funny

    ... surfing on lava? ... surfing on lava? ... surfing on lava? ... sorry, brain seems to be malfunctioning.

    ~Berj

    1. Re:Surfing on lava? by Profane+MuthaFucka · · Score: 5, Funny

      Makes sense. I bet they are even going to jump right over a lava shark.

      --
      Fascism trolls keeping me up every night. When I starts a preachin', he HITS ME WITH HIS REICH!
    2. Re:Surfing on lava? by BuddieFox · · Score: 5, Funny

      "sorry, brain seems to be malfunctioning."

      Well, considering the quality of the past two Star Wars movies, estimates say that George Lucas's brain did the same thing ca 1984..

    3. Re:Surfing on lava? by PhotoBoy · · Score: 4, Interesting

      Yeah surfing on lava isn't quite how I imagined the final showdown between Anakin and Obi-Wan, I was hoping for something akin to The Phantom Menace's Maul/Obi-Wan battle which was an excellent display of talent and choreography. I suspect this surfing on lava thing will mean Anakin and Obi-Wan are CG I throughout most of the scene. :(

    4. Re:Surfing on lava? by 3Suns · · Score: 5, Funny

      Seriously, what is Anakin thinking?? He could get seriously, permanently burned... or worse! ...

      --

      -3Suns

      ~~~~
      The Revolution will be Slashdotted
    5. Re:Surfing on lava? by cdrudge · · Score: 5, Funny

      Yeah...cause light sabers, Jabba the Hut, and giant DeathStar are just so believable.

    6. Re:Surfing on lava? by gvonk · · Score: 3, Insightful

      You made his joke 1,000 times funnier by simultaneously NOT getting it and EXPLAINING it to everyone here.

      --


      El Karma: excelente(principalmente la suma de moderación hecha a los comentarios de los usuarios)
    7. Re:Surfing on lava? by cbovasso · · Score: 5, Funny

      Its about time a movie involved lava surfing. Haven't we suffered long enough without a good lava surfing scene? Think of the character development possibilities!

      Lava surfing = Oscar.

      --
      I ask for a car and I get a computer. How's about that for being born under a bad .sig?
    8. Re:Surfing on lava? by Andorion · · Score: 3, Insightful

      I had this discussion with someone recently - there's a difference between believable scenarios, and believable behavior.

      I can imagine Tolkien's middle earth because things act and interact in a consistent manner, I can imagine the scenario in episode 4, but ewoks helping defeat the empire is a bit of a stretch, and surfing on lava is just ridiculous - regardless of the setting.

      ~Berj

    9. Re:Surfing on lava? by elmegil · · Score: 3, Funny

      Again we have the people who insist on explaining the joke the parent made, as if it weren't even there. Will they ever learn?

      --
      7 November 2006: The day Americans realized corruption and incompetence weren't addressing 11 September 2001
    10. Re:Surfing on lava? by FiDooDa · · Score: 5, Funny
      but "lava surfing" has my hopes wayyyy down at the moment.

      Then it all fits together with episode 4 a new hope ;)

  6. hmmmm.... i wonder.... by fresh27 · · Score: 3, Interesting

    could anakin get burned during the lava fight, hence the need for the darth vader get-up? or is that just too BLINDINGLY OBVIOUS?

    --
    http://ipod.fresh27.net/
    1. Re:hmmmm.... i wonder.... by fresh27 · · Score: 3, Funny

      The Hollywood source said: "Anakin and Obi-Wan fight on platforms on the lava. They control these like surfboards." wow, sounds absolutely terrible. if i wanted to see that, i'd go watch spy kids 3d.

      --
      http://ipod.fresh27.net/
    2. Re:hmmmm.... i wonder.... by kannibal_klown · · Score: 5, Funny

      The story of Anakin's physical transformation was already told in books from a WHILE back.

      But yeh, it goes something like that.

      At least Lucas didn't completely shred everything and say "you know, I think we should make him wear the suit because Jar Jar accidentally superglues it to his head."

    3. Re:hmmmm.... i wonder.... by DaHat · · Score: 4, Interesting

      And with a little extra reasoning we will have Duku vs Yoda: Round 2. This time on Dagobah.

      You heard it hear first! But then I realized this after walking out of EP2.

      If you're wondering... the expanded SW lore says that when a Jedi of one side (dark or light) dies, an energy field in the area is created in which a member of the opposite side can hide within and remain undetected.

      I know it's a bit too much analysis, but why didn't Vader every hunt down Yoda, wouldn't a Jedi of such power been easily located? The above is the explanation they will use.

    4. Re:hmmmm.... i wonder.... by Dimensio · · Score: 4, Interesting

      Actually, it's been well-established for some time that Dagobah had a strong dark-force aura, which allowed Yoda to hide undetected.

      Same with Tattooine, hence Obi Wan Kenobi's presence there.

    5. Re:hmmmm.... i wonder.... by deanj · · Score: 4, Informative

      This was revealed way back when they had that Star Wars poster/magazine in the 70s. That was before any book, including Splinter of the Mind's Eye.

      Lucas was interviewed, and he said Vadar falls into the volcano during the fight with Kenobi.

    6. Re:hmmmm.... i wonder.... by DaHat · · Score: 3, Insightful

      And how do you think it acquired said aura?

  7. Did you not hear the rumors? by Xhad · · Score: 5, Informative

    For awhile everyone thought it was going to be called "The Creeping Fear".

  8. Just one more push Mrs. Sideous .... by pyros · · Score: 5, Funny

    Aahhhhh, it's a Vader! Congratulations.

  9. A new hope... by Henrik+S.+Hansen · · Score: 3, Interesting

    Hopefully, we can get the magic from the first three movies back.

    I think both Episode I and II were good movies (II was better than I), but still somewhat lacking compared to the first three.. Perhaps it was the overuse of CGI?

    1. Re:A new hope... by x0n · · Score: 3, Insightful

      Overuse of CGI? That's at the bottom of the list; try:

      - ridiculous references to modern times, like themeing the pod race like a nascar race, with stupid anachronistic quotes.

      - more in-jokes referencing tv programs, like anakin saying "there's nothing to see here" a la police stereotype at a crime scene

      - the removal of the wonder and mysticism of the force by explaining it scientifically, n.b. "midichloreans". This has the effect of forcing the viewer to treat everything that happens as having a real scientific reason, and there are plenty of ridiculous happenings that cannot be explained this way.

      - atrocious over acting on the part of Hayden Christensen and Euan McGregor. Hayden for his emotionless portrayal, and McGregor for blatantly trying to retrofit McGuinness's voice style and coming off sounding like he's holding in a sh*t the whole time.

      - that ridiculous "bowl" haircut on young anakin. Can't we have one american movie without a bowl-haircut child in it, please?

      - no nekkid carrie fisher.

      - mind-numbing script. need I go on?

      --

      PGP KeyId: 0x08D63965
    2. Re:A new hope... by the+gnat · · Score: 4, Insightful

      You left out:

      - hokey physical comedy and stupid gags, like C3PO in both movies. In retrospect, the special edition of ANH fortells this, with the Jawa being thrown around by some huge lizardlike steed, or Han stepping on Jabba's tail.

      - Ridiculous foreshadowing that attempts to tie every single plot thread or character from the original movies into the prequels. Tatooine figures so prominently in the prequels that you'd think the Empire would have been interested in the planet before the droids landed there in ANH. They should have just left the droids out entirely; they had character in the originals, and here they're just cartoonish plot devices. Any bets on whether and how Han Solo will show up in EPIII?

      - Overexplanations in general, not just the midichlorians. I don't give a shit whether the stormtroopers are all clones. What made them so scary in the originals was the fact that they've been dehumanized by sticking them behind all that armor. It's actually a lot more frightening if you don't know their origin; they're robot-like, but not robots.

      - Which brings me to: all those friggin' robots. Battle droids aren't scary or evil. Stormtroopers are evil, massive Star Destroyers are evil, TIE fighters are evil. The only evil parts of I and II were Darth Maul, Count Dooku, and the Fetts. The Empire had this whole aesthetic style to it that just screamed "heartless planet-crushers and destroyers of hope"; the Trade Federation has crappy faux-Oriental accents and CGI bots.

    3. Re:A new hope... by jackbird · · Score: 4, Funny
      The only evil parts of I and II were Darth Maul, Count Dooku, and the Fetts.

      ...because there's no better way to come off like an evil badass than to name yourself "Dooku." Except maybe "Chocula."

  10. Keep Continuity. PLEASE Don't Make It Stupid Surf by kannibal_klown · · Score: 5, Funny

    I vaguely remember that much of Anakin's damage (and the subsequent need of the Darth-suit for life support) was due to him and Ben fighting near lava or plasma. So, I'm glad that's still in there.

    But I swear to God in heaven! If the battle consists of Ben and Anny fighting while surfing on 2 rocks floating on a lava flow, I'm walking out.

    Knowing Lucas lately, they'll be Beach Boys playing in the background, and Anny will be catchign some "serious air, maannnnn".

  11. Surfing by Anonymous+Custard · · Score: 4, Interesting

    Surfing on lava... surfing on a shield down stairs at Helm's Deep... what's with Hollywood's need to write out-of-character surf stunts into sci-fi/fantasy movies?

  12. What a coincidence... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    That's exactly how I would have described my feelings about more prequels after the first one.

    1. Re:What a coincidence... by Hits_B · · Score: 5, Funny

      Ohhhhh the irony...the very ones that are already bitching about the movie before it is even released will be the first ones in line. And probably in some lame stormtrooper getup they made out of styrofoam and a sharpie

  13. Great title..not by fliptout · · Score: 5, Funny

    This is one birth that should have been aborted.

    --
    A witty saying proves you are wittier than the next guy.
  14. Are those crickets chirping that I hear by BillFarber · · Score: 4, Insightful

    May I humbly propose, without attempting to troll, that the Star Wars franchise is no longer relavant? Like most pop art, it is no longer in fashion. Most people I talk to today simply don't care.

    1. Re:Are those crickets chirping that I hear by Strange+Ranger · · Score: 3, Funny

      Like most pop art, it is no longer in fashion

      To the dismay of fashion conscious /.ers the world over.

      How are you 2 doing anyway?

      --

      Operator, give me the number for 911!
    2. Re:Are those crickets chirping that I hear by WillWare · · Score: 4, Insightful
      You're right. I was in high school in 1977 and I really enjoyed the first movie. I knew people who had Star Wars posters up in their rooms, and maybe even a few lunchboxes, but nobody was obsessed.

      Lucas says he planned a series of movies all along but nobody believed it until Empire Strikes Back. Suddenly Star Wars seemed as deep as Star Trek. Together the two movies implied a much bigger background than the first one alone. We all started drinking the Joseph Campbell kool-aid.

      Return of the Jedi did a nice job of continuing the mystique and mythology, but the sucky Ewoks started to make it easier to step back and think, hey, it's just a bunch of movies. Episodes 1 and 2 have completed that process.

      --
      WWJD for a Klondike Bar?
  15. or... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Anakin dies... Episode 7 comes out months later revealing that JarJar is ObiWan's new Padawan and that episodes 4-6 were just a dream. New franchise of starwars movies announced.

  16. Surfing? by Kallahar · · Score: 3, Insightful

    Surfing on lava? SURFING ON LAVA? I guess we're in store for another gripping special effects movie which utterly bores anyone over 8 years old.

    Now, if they fired Lucas and made the Zahn books into movies then they could rekindle the franchise, but Lucas would never allow that.

  17. Lava by l810c · · Score: 4, Insightful
    'A thrilling lightsabre clash between Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker while surfing on lava.'

    Oh great, this will be ultra realistic. Lucas has just gotten way too happy with the CGI in the prequels. Give me the old minatures any day.

    4-6 were cool because they were grounded in reality with some cool special effects. The prequels have lost all sense of reality. A few of the things that bug me:

    A planet with a water core that you can travel through, I just don't think this was possible
    Yoda needed cane to walk and then doing double back flip, mctwists while fighting.
    Jedi's plummiting 100's of feet through the air and landing on flying cars.

    My list goes on and on. Fighting on lava is another example.

    1. Re:Lava by Halthar · · Score: 3, Funny

      While I do agree about the water core I have to disagree about Yoda. That ISN'T a cane, it's his pimp staff!

      Actually, that was about the only scene I liked from Ep. 2.

    2. Re:Lava by samhalliday · · Score: 3, Funny
      4-6 were cool because they were grounded in reality

      "riiiight l810c..."
      (reaching for phone to the men in white coats)
      "and what was that you were saying about the potato men coming to get you when the clouds rose?"
      (hurry up!!!)

    3. Re:Lava by ehiris · · Score: 5, Insightful

      Give me the old minatures any day.

      Forget the miniatures. I've seen a little about the making of Predator vs. Alien and they use technology for them, but that technology is to make them real. They are very cool big robots each controlled by a team of people.
      I don't know about you but to me CGI doesn't look real. The movements, textures, and impacts are always too perfect. Even if the try to make them imperfect, they are perfectly imperfect.

  18. Surfing on lava makes sense by Gothmolly · · Score: 5, Interesting

    Heck, for a Jedi, WALKING on lava is possible. That might be a cool fight - each has to walk on the lava, then they're using the Force to stay walking on the surface w/o dying - Annakin somehow losing his concentration, and slipping into the lava.

    --
    I want to delete my account but Slashdot doesn't allow it.
    1. Re:Surfing on lava makes sense by cdrudge · · Score: 4, Funny
      ...Annakin somehow losing his concentration...
      Leaked script segments mention something about someone named Portman and hot sourthern comfort foods...but I don't remember exactly what it was.
  19. Spoiler alert by Minwee · · Score: 5, Funny
    "The sixth movie in the series also features Anakin's transformation into evil Darth Vader and his baby son, Luke, being smuggled to safety to the desert planet Tatooine."

    Holy crap! Darth Vader is Luke's father? Way to spoil the ending for me, guys.

    1. Re:Spoiler alert by hyperizer · · Score: 3, Insightful

      The sixth movie in the series also features Anakin's transformation into evil Darth Vader and his baby son, Luke, being smuggled to safety to the desert planet Tatooine.

      Good idea, smuggle him to his father's home planet. Why didn't Lucas create a couple more places? It always struck me as ridiculous that he made Anakin come from Tatooine in Episode 1 (to say nothing of the whole Vader is also C3PO's father weirdness).

  20. Re:Oh great by Giant+Killer · · Score: 4, Insightful
    Oh great, lava surfing. That's all we need. Anyone remember Kurt Russell surfing in Escape from LA? God I hope it's not that lame.
    Right, but the difference in Escape from LA was that it was supposed to be lame. Making fun of itself.

    George is being serious. Almost makes you feel sorry for him. Billions of dollars can't save him from still being an idiot...
  21. Cheesey attempts to appeal to teens by Bluetrust25 · · Score: 4, Funny

    "...while surfing on lava."

    Obi-wan: You will not fall to the dark side!
    Anakin: Hang ten old man!

    (Anakin escapes)
    Obi-wan: Bogus

    My wife says that the only joy she takes from this is that it's the last movie.

  22. what happened to lucas? by circletimessquare · · Score: 4, Insightful

    surfing on lava?

    how can someone create such a dark and fantastic universe and make it so compelling int he first 3 movies, and then fill it with things like jar jar and "surfing on lava" (whoa gnarly yo!) and other idiocies in the last 3

    well, the ewoks were a hint of the direction i guess

    maybe lucas, who said he wants this to be for kids, not adults, is crashing the entire ship of the series against this rock of kid-friendliness

    but you don't have to make it like shrek to appeal to kids

    i mean i saw star wars at 7, and it was stunning... no jar jar binks needed to apply to captivate me

    i think lucas really screwed up that whole "kid-friendliness" dictate- what that really means to be "kid-friendly", and what its dubious implementation might do to the tone of the series

    --
    intellectual property law is philosophically incoherent. it is your moral duty to ignore it or sabotage it
    1. Re:what happened to lucas? by Scrameustache · · Score: 3, Insightful
      how can someone create such a dark and fantastic universe and make it so compelling int he first 3 movies, and then fill it with things like jar jar and "surfing on lava" (whoa gnarly yo!) and other idiocies in the last 3

      Lucas never created anything, he recycled other people's ideas:
      • Tatooine is Dune:
        • The sand people are the fremen.
        • Jaba is Leto II, the god emperor of Dune.
        • The Sarlac is Shai-Hulud, the great worm.

      • Corruscant is Trantor: The galactic capital, situated near the center of the galaxy, its entire land-mass and a good portion of its ocean covered in one gigantic multi-layered city.

      • The storytelling is Kurosawa's "Hidden Fortress".

      • Han Solo is a space-cowboy (picture him with a cowboy hat...there you go), and Chewbaca is his indian life-partner.

      • The story itself is "Young peasant saves beautifull princess from dark knight's fortress with help of old sorcerer and comic-relief sidekicks", cookie-cutter fairy tale storyline.

      Lucas never created anything, his talent resided in two things: Getting himself a kick-ass team to do an incredible job, and incredible marketing insight.

      Don't get me wrong, I love the original trilogy and I see nothing wrong with a bit of post-modern cultural recycling. In fact, I applaud Lucas for reviving the classic sci-fi pulps, but he his in no way a creative man, he's just good at rehashing already existing ideas.

      So my guess is that the problem with the prequels is that he has somehow convinced himself that he has creative talent. Dellusional men do weird things...
      --

      You can't take the sky from me...

  23. embracing the videogame market by timothy · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Just the like the ludicrous "pod race" in Ep. I, and the (admittedly cute) hovering-Yoda saber fight in II, the only possible rational justification is videogame possibilities. Just like scenes where people and robots get tossed by-complete-coincidence onto moving conveyor belts with stamping machinery ...

    Remember, A-B-B-A-up will let you kick-flip your lava board; B-B-A-B-down-up does a stalefish grab.

    timothy

    --
    jrnl: http://tinyurl.com/c2l8yr / foes: http://tinyurl.com/ckjno5
  24. May 15th, 2005? by smd4985 · · Score: 4, Interesting

    Isn't that a Sunday? That can't be right....

    --
    smd4985
  25. Re:No kidding! by Ummagumma · · Score: 5, Insightful

    The Star Wars franchise 'jumped the shark' with the Ewoks dancing at the end of EP 6.

    --
    "The natural progress of things is for liberty to yield and government to gain ground." - Thomas Jefferson
  26. Class vs. Camp by addie · · Score: 5, Insightful

    This is not surprising, but it is depressing. I know that every one of you reading this comment has seen the Luke vs. Vader lightsaber fight in Ep6. It was classic, I would almost call it artful. The lighting, the music, the overall mood was just fantatsic moviemaking.

    So what do we have to follow this up? Fighting on lava surf boards? That's just stupid. I wish I could say it more eloquently, but it's just. plain. stupid. The original movies exhibited a certain amount of class, but now it's just drivel. I cannot possibly get excited or emotionally involved in a battle when I'm laughing at the implausability of the entire affair. It's the same reason that the huge battle at the end of Ep2 sucked so hard: there was too much going on, it was too fancy, and it was there just for the sake of coolness.

    Minimalist direction and set design can convey so much more emotion and plot than overblown, busy looking CG riddled garbage. Of course I'll see this movie, but I'm going into it knowing I'll be laughing at, rather than actually caring for, the characters.

    I'm not angry at George Lucas, he has a right to make the movie he saw in his head. I just rather pity him. Growing old should make someone more mature, not less.

  27. Like in Spy Kids 3D? by Animats · · Score: 4, Funny
    'A thrilling lightsabre clash between Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker while surfing on lava.'

    You mean like the lava surfing scene in Spy Kids 3D?

    Lucas used to be original. But THX-1138 was a long time ago.

  28. Re:A great birthday present George! by the_mad_poster · · Score: 5, Funny

    Don't screw it up? DON'T SCREW IT UP!?

    DID YOU WATCH THE LAST TWO MOVIES!? DID YOU READ THE PART OF THE ARTICLE THAT SAYS SURFING ON LAVA!?

    The only way this could not be screwed up is if the lava is real, Lucas is the surfboard, and he does his own damn stunts.

    --
    Alito: A vote for Alito is a punch in the eye to put that bitch back in her place!
  29. Yoda on the fiddle by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Yoda needed cane to walk and then doing double back flip, mctwists while fighting.

    Ah you see, that is Yoda being the crafty little bugger that he is. Notice that he waits until everyone else (except his opponent of course) is out cold before engaging in said acrobatics. As soon as the others start to come round he is back on the stick before they can notice.

    I suspect a benefit/social security fiddle of some sort...
    1. Re:Yoda on the fiddle by Gzip+Christ · · Score: 5, Funny
      I suspect a benefit/social security fiddle of some sort...
      If ever there was cut and dried example of why we need to raise the retirement age for social security benefits, Yoda is it. He went on to milk the system for a good 3 - 4 hundred years and now, as you so insightfully pointed out, we discover that he easily could have worked at least 200 - 300 more years. If the baby boomers don't kill the social security system for us, the Jedi certainly will - raise the retirement age now!
  30. It's such a shame..... by Scrab · · Score: 5, Insightful

    modern movies seem obsessed with being "cooler" than everything that has gone before.

    Case in point

    Matrix - Kung Fu in a virtual world
    Matrix Reloaded - Kung Fu in a virtual world with mythical beasts
    Matrix Revolutions - Kung Fu in a virtual worldwith mythical beasts that walked on the celing and not the floor.

    It's like Star Wars is running out of ideas so the franchise is going for big and flashy over anything worth watching. This is why I am predicting that there will be a battle involving the largest armies ever concieved, and this time, there will either be a two lightsabred enemy or more than one bad guy at once. Just so this film can be "Bigger, More Destructive, Better" than the last one.

    Which is a shame, because these new films are in serious danger of ruining the original films (which I love) just by association....

    --
    RoseColor red={0, 0xffff, 0x0000, 0x0000};VioletColour blue={0, 0x0000, 0x0000, 0xffff};find / -name *mybase*|chown you
  31. Ahh crap by T-Kir · · Score: 3, Funny

    Now I'm thinking of a secret lair in a volcano, with sharks that have frickin laser beams attached to their heads...

    Thanks /. we have Soviet Russia, Hot Grits, pr0n, fp, and everytime I think of sharks I'm reminded of everytime someone mentions it on here.

    Vicious circle I suppose... *shrugs*

    --
    Are you local? There's nothing for you here!
    1. Re:Ahh crap by Bilestoad · · Score: 3, Funny

      No no, there are no volcanoes, the surfing on lava sequence comes right after the big Jedi song-and-dance number where they twirl their light sabers and whirl their capes in a sort of star-warsy morris dance. It's actually part of the set of Yoda's musical, set in a cave on Tatooine, which he is staging to raise money to fund Jar-Jar's orthodontic work, apparently a requirement before he can be admitted to the ranks of the Jedi (having completed his training - come on, which Jedi has bad teeth?). Oh, you're not reading any more... well, better now than losing interest half way through a $12 movie.

      Seriously though, Lucas could pick up 40 random bums, give them sticks and tell them to have a swordfight, and as long as he called it episode 3 it would still gross more than just about every other film in 2005 even though you clearly remember episode 2 as a steaming pile of dung with special effects. You're all going to - no, youre all obligated to see it, having wasted so much of your lives on the other 5.

      I only wish I had the strength to stay away.

  32. Official Name posted at starwars.com by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    I just saw this banner on starwars.com

    Episode III: A Year to Go

    WhatMeWorry

  33. Can we still consider this a "good franchise?" by Sabu+mark · · Score: 3, Interesting

    Once the third movie comes out, the number of crappy Star Wars movies will equal the number of those generally regarded as good. Rather than being blights on a franchise that is generally good, we must face the notion that perhaps the bad movies are the norm and that the "good" movies are, in the end, nothing more than pleasant surprises in a generally crappy franchise. After all, our positive impressions of the first three movies are artificially induced to some extent by nostalgia. You don't want to admit it, but deep down, in your heart of hearts, you know that if Return Of The Jedi came out today instead of when you were a kid, you would think it was no better than the last two crappy movies.

    --

    What Would Jesus Do
    (for a Klondike bar)?
  34. "Surfboards?" by bonch · · Score: 4, Insightful

    Screw the title, is anyone else worried about this cheesy-sounding fight on lava surfboards? Surfboards?!

    God, Lucas, please stop! Give me a dignified sword fight in the vein of the OT. Nope, we need green-screened, CG'd light saber battles on top of lava with the two combatants using them like surfboards!!!

    1. Re:"Surfboards?" by The+Ultimate+Fartkno · · Score: 5, Funny



      And at some point during that battle, there *will* be a "clever" visual gag that makes the lava-surfing look like real surfing, and at that point a major character will say "whoah!" like unto the manner of Keanu Reeves. Ad at that point, I will fling poo at the screen.

      Mark my words, George Lucas! Poo!

    2. Re:"Surfboards?" by Spanyrd · · Score: 5, Informative

      IIRC, the lava-field battle is established Star Wars history. It was the injuries that Anakin Sustained during this battle that caused him to turn into Vader. The massive internal injuries and loss of limbs were the reasons for all the cybernetics. Getting pissy about this fight being in the third movie is just ignorant, if it had been left out, that would be a reason to complain.

      ...the surfboard thing sounds pretty stupid, though.

      --
      one of these days I'm gonna patent the technology that lets Jason Vorhees catch up to cars by moving at a slow walk.
    3. Re:"Surfboards?" by heir2chaos · · Score: 5, Funny

      Oh man, finally a movie to put a Beach Boys song in.

    4. Re:"Surfboards?" by bonch · · Score: 4, Insightful

      I never complained about the lava battle. Everyone knows about the volcano.

      I'm complaining about the goddamned "extreme" surfing that will apparently be taking place in a battle that should be serious and epic, two former Jedi partners fighting each other in a conflict of Light and Dark Force!

      Nope, let's CG lava, CG platforms, and greenscreen our actors instead so we have no class left.

    5. Re:"Surfboards?" by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      WTF is this? Is the movie even done yet? No! And here you are, condemning it for shit that may or may not even be in it!

      I'm going to complain about the scene where the Power Puff Girls come riding in on three identical My Little Ponies and shoot frickin' lasers out of their eyes at C3P0. I hate the fuckin scene! I mean come on! My Little Ponies!?! How lame!

    6. Re:"Surfboards?" by EngMedic · · Score: 3, Funny

      Just be glad that Legolas probably won't show up and surf down some stairs on a shield...

      --
      filter: +3. Hey, look! all the trolls went away!
    7. Re:"Surfboards?" by VelocityBoy09 · · Score: 5, Funny
      Mark my words, George Lucas! Poo!

      By Jove, I believe I just found a sig.

    8. Re:"Surfboards?" by DavidBrown · · Score: 3, Funny

      Just be glad that Legolas probably won't show up and surf down some stairs on a shield...

      No, but Anakin will get knocked into the lava by Gollum, falling from high above...

      --
      144l. ph34r my 133t l3g4l 5k1lz!
    9. Re:"Surfboards?" by Genrou · · Score: 3, Interesting

      Screw the title, is anyone else worried about this cheesy-sounding fight on lava surfboards?

      I'm personally worried about the names. You know, in the first two prequels, a lot of names sound... strange in Brazilian Portuguese. For example, "Amidala" sounds like portuguese for "tonsil". "Panaka" sounds exactly like portuguese to "dork". "Zaifo Dias" sounds exactly like portuguese to "Zai-fuck", and "Dooku" is something in the line "I give my ass off".

      These are all true - names had to be changed in the subtitled and dubbed versions. I really think that the person in charge of naming characters knows Portuguese. I can only expect what's coming next.

  35. not set in stone yet... by apachetoolbox · · Score: 5, Informative

    ... hidden at the bottom of the page: The source added: "'Birth of the Empire' is the favourite title so far."

  36. So, are the rumors true then? by the_skywise · · Score: 4, Funny

    That after this third movie they're dumping the cast and going with a whole new cast except for the droids and Yoda?

    That can't be smart.

  37. Maybe I'm the odd guy out by Enigma_Man · · Score: 3, Interesting

    But I liked all the movies so far. I guess I have the ability to just enjoy a movie without criticizing every thing about it.

    About the name of the movie, why the shit-fits from all the people? It's simple, and very much similar to the rest of the titles of all of them, including the older ones.

    -Jesse, likes all of them.

    --
    Nothing says "unprofessional job" like wrinkles in your duct tape.
  38. Re:Spoiler alert - Leia? by bonch · · Score: 4, Funny

    As to it not making sense for Luke going to Tatooine, I thought it actually did - wasn't Luke given to "Uncle Owen" (whom I presume is Anakin's half brother) to be raised?

    Yeah, real clever, let's raise Darth Vader's son using HIS OWN LAST NAME OF SKYWALKER ON HIS HOME PLANET.

    Perry Mason couldn't crack this case.

  39. Re:Dude, they HAVE to surf on lava... by sketerpot · · Score: 3, Insightful
    They already tried something like that, and you know what they got? Spy Kids 3-D, which has got to be the shittiest movie this side of the Blair Witch Project. In other words, it won't be cool. DON'T DO IT, GEORGE!

    Of course, Star Wars has an actual plot, so it'll have a leg up on Spy Kids 3-times-shittier-than-anything-you-ever-imagined-D .

  40. Was it EVER Sci-Fi? by spun · · Score: 4, Insightful

    Funny, I thought the movies were all science-fantasy. At best, space opera sci-fi. Really, the movies were never about the science, which was always ludicrous and inconsistent.

    --
    - None can love freedom heartily, but good men; the rest love not freedom, but license. -- John Milton
  41. Re:deja vu. I had a dream about this last night. by Mr.+Bad+Example · · Score: 4, Funny

    > Ceren the BSD chick: Help me RMS! You're my only hope!

    Episode IV: A GNU/Hope

  42. Tabloid?!? I'll have you know that ... by burgburgburg · · Score: 4, Funny

    The Sun is a fine periodical that features insightful, well considered, half-naked, intelligent articles on ...did I say half-naked? That has nothing to do with it. Why I'd throw out Page 3 right away except they normally have really interesting articles on page 4 that I really want to keep hidden in my desk ...I didn't write that. You didn't read that. It never happened.

  43. Re:A great birthday present George! by buckeyeguy · · Score: 3, Funny

    3 words: Beach Blanket Vader

    --
    I'd have a personalized plate on my car, but "toxic bachelor" won't fit into 7 letters.
  44. There's a difference between Lucas and Lang... by maynard · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Metropolis, directed by Fritz Lang, was a serious film which pondered the man/machine rift using the best film technology had to offer at the time. In the 1920s it was absolutely at the forefront of film special effects, yet the effects didn't overshadow a then highly original story and screenplay. Star Wars was simply a western shot in space with high end special effects of the era. Comparing the first Star Wars to Metropolis does Lang and his film a terrible disservice IMO. You would do better to compare 2001 with Metropolis since they both cover similar ground of dehumanization in subservience to machines and the cycle of birth and death - both for individuals and societies at large. Lucas never offered such serious themes in his work, it's strictly entertainment. --M

  45. Maybe... by jcoleman · · Score: 4, Insightful

    ...the spoilers don't have the whole story? Ever thought of that? Perhaps the two are fighting on a platform *over* lava that falls into the lava having been ripped from its base. Maybe Palaptine does the ripping. Maybe it's cut by a lightsaber. Do you ACTUALLY think that we will see Jedi "surfing?" That would be *too* stupid. Not going to happen.

    Go ahead, mod me down as though I were some sort of nerd heretic. Although it's really odd how being a Star Wars fan used to be a nerd prereq, and now you have to despise the movies in order to get your loser cap.

  46. Re:Spoiler alert - Leia? by mykepredko · · Score: 3, Funny

    I don't know, it has a certain appeal, the idea's so obvious that Vader wouldn't bother looking there.

    Obi Wan Kenobi, crazy like a fox.

    myke

  47. Re:Oh great by wuice · · Score: 3, Insightful

    Star Wars is, was, and always will be FANTASY. There has never been any attempt to interject scientific reality into the star wars universe (execpt for all that midichlorian mumbo jumbo, and look how well that was recieved). The force isn't real, hyperdrives aren't real, lightsabers aren't real, and none of them have any basis in reality. I could go on, but I think y'all get the point.

    Some people don't expect our movies to be scientifically sound. I've seen enough of reality; bring on the fantasy.

  48. Coming soon to your local XXX theatre by billyradcliffe · · Score: 5, Funny

    Star Whores III: Girth Of The Empire

  49. NEWS FLASH! by static0verdrive · · Score: 3, Funny

    News Flash! The first two were so bad even this one can't redeem them - even if it is somewhat above the level of the suck the first two rank in at.

    JAR JAR? R2-D2 FLYING?!?! WHAT THE FSCK?! The list goes on. Hey Look! I've got a minute!

    Like Yoda would need a light saber - and if he did, like he wouldn't completely win? Isn't Palpatine about Yoda's level? So who's this Yoda-battle-worthy douche Dooku? Wasn't Douche-ku a pupil of Yoda's? So wouldn't Yoda just stop him dead with the wink of his eye?? On top of that, why did Yoda need his hands to steady that rock he STRUGGLED with? (And why'd he struggle? I thought "size mattered not - only different in your mind")

    It's almost like Lucas set out to shatter our love of the real trilogy. Oh yeah - and R2 CAN NOT fly - if he could, why the hell didn't he just fly instead of falling in the swamp on Dagobah? Or when the ewoks got him? Or through the desert? Are You going to tell me his jets will be irrepairably damaged in this upcoming puke fest?

    I used to believe it might not suck, back just before I saw Jar Jar and the Gun Guns scene the first time. Then reality set in and I admitted that Lucas has a problem.

    Hey - if all the stormtroopers are clones of Boba/Jango Fett - why are the Fetts so good and stormtroopers are so comically pathetic?

    I could go on, but I have to leave work now. I cheerily invite someone to pick up where I left off - I'm sure there's some of you out there with flaws I haven't even thought of yet...

    --
    ========
    77 77 77 2e 6d 65 6c 76 69 6e 73 2e 63 6f 6d
  50. Re:Oh great by fucksl4shd0t · · Score: 3, Interesting

    I think the generally accepted term is "Space opera", which it always has been. ;)

    --
    Like what I said? You might like my music
  51. Volcano? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Everyone knows about the volcano.

    I still have my original programs from Episode 4, Star Trek TMP, Close Encounters and Superman... I was on Isaac Asimov's security detail at Star Trek conventions in the 70's... I won a science fiction trivia contest at a con... I published a fanzine for several years... I financed that fanzine with proceeds from selling swords, "crystal balls" and other drek in the huckster room of many cons... My first date with my wife was to see The Empire Strikes Back...

    And still, I feel an uplifting soul-freeing relief, because I didn't know about the fucking volcano.

    1. Re:Volcano? by Psychochild · · Score: 3, Funny

      Soemtimes it's comforting to realize that you'll never be the biggest geek ever. This said by someone who develops computer games for a living. ;)

      --
      Brian "Psychochild" Green
      MMO developer's blog
  52. Incompetance by Scrameustache · · Score: 5, Insightful
    I think both Episode I and II were good movies (II was better than I), but still somewhat lacking compared to the first three.. Perhaps it was the overuse of CGI?

    Poor editing, actually.

    If you look on the ep1 DVD's deleted scenes, you'll see a scene where Qui Gon is talking with Anakin in Mos Eisley, and one of the flying camera droids that Darth Maul had released when he got on the planet creeps up on them. Qui Gon senses its presence, and in a very cool Jedi move turns around, takes out his lightsaber and destroys the drone in one swift motion. then turns to Anakin and, aware that they have been found, says something like "We must hurry!" and they run off to the ship. Upon their hasty arrival, Darth Maul catches up with them, and they fight (the deleted scene ends when he says they must hurry).

    But that scene was cut, so the following scenes do not make sense:
    • When Darth Maul releases the drones.
      That is now a useless scene because they don't do anything. He releases them...and that's the last we hear of them (I think we see one zipping along once in the background, but that's all).
    • When Qui Gon and Anakin get to ship running, and Darth Maul is there.
      Why are they running? How did Darth Maul know the ship was there?

    So, he cut an important scene that linked two other scenes (therefore crucial to the flow) and showcased super cool lightsaber action and force powers (what we are there to see!), all because of "time constraints". But he felt it necesary to leave in the same chapter the scenes of:
    • Jar Jar stepping in cow dung.
    • Jar Jar getting farted on by a space-cow.
    • Jar Jar shop-lifting food.

    That is bad storytelling. If you have time constraints, you cut the scenes that have no relevance to the story and no impact on the flow, not the ones that are both cool and integral to the story.
    --

    You can't take the sky from me...

  53. Veteran Star Wars Fans: What's wrong with I & by youknowmewell · · Score: 5, Insightful

    I remember being probably around 5 or 6 when I watched the star wars movies. I liked them then, and I can't wait until the first trilogy is released on DVD September. That said, I was pretty young and couldn't really make an opinion over "Wow that's cool!" and couldn't appreciate the fine details in the first 3 movies. I haven't watched them in a while either so the memories of them are vague at best.

    Getting to the question at hand, what about episodes 1 and 2 turned you off? I enjoyed them on their own merits rather than comparing them to the first trilogy (because it was easy for me, read above), and although there were some things like a planet with a core of water that was unrealistic, Star Wars in general is unrealistic.

    Of course, there is the Jar Jar Binks factor. Personally I bet Lucas regretted that character, I know I sure would.

    Some talk about a Jedi falling 100 feet and landing on a flying car and how that is unrealistic, others talk about the set rules of physics that seem to be ignored in I and II, others about destroying the "wise sage" that was Yoda, and also the demystifying of the force with science. I'm sure there is more, which I hope you'd inform me of.

    One thing I'd like to say is that episode II to me seemed to show the golden age of the Jedi coming to an end. I can see how certain things in the first 2 or 3 episodes could be different from the last 3, such as the jumping from 100 feet thing.

    Anyway, I'd like to hear your responses as I've been wondering why people seem to rag on the new SW movies a bit.

  54. Birth of a Nation^H^H^H^H^HEmpire by MrChuck · · Score: 4, Interesting
    It's got something else in common with that early Griffith film too:
    Shallow characters made up of racist stereotypes.

    But somehow, I don't suppose star wars fans will go on to form a new KKK type thing. Though lynching Jar Jar after the first one would have been good for us all.

    And no, Lucas will not be getting a "hollywood mansion" (below). He's quite not enamoured of Hollywood. Part of why he moved to Marin, gave up his DGA card, etc. The union rules were also part of the hassle of getting other directors on some other episodes.

    (he burned his card or something after "strikes back" and he was fined for not having the director's name before the narrative crawl. Neither he or the director wanted it, but rules is rules.

    God it scares me that I know this. (on the plus side, I can't NAME the director without looking to imdb. And I won't).

  55. parallels in the titles by plasm4 · · Score: 5, Interesting

    The Creeping Fear doesn't make sense, as its a thing.
    ANH and TPM are both things.
    AOTC and ESB are both things in action.
    ROTJ and Birth of the Empire are both events.

    I thinks its funny that the rumor sites never caught onto this parallel, especially since George has been so into creating parallels with the first three movies.

  56. Temporal Physics (Re:"Birth of the Empire"?) by damien_kane · · Score: 5, Funny

    Lucas has, in effect, created a temporal paradox.
    If he is somehow stopped from making this movie, then Anakin will never turn into Darth Vader, and the Empire will never be born.
    If there is no Empire and no Vader, then the original trilogy could have never existed, thereby negating two things:
    1. Lucas' immense wealth (as well the wealth of Hammil and the fame of Ford).
    2. The need for the prequels.

    If there is no need for the prequels, 2 things will happen due to that:
    1. There will have been no prequels, so /.ers will nothing to bitch about.
    2. No more Natalie Portman, so /.ers will have nothing to troll about.

    So... this movie has to be made, the alternative being something along the lines of `mv /dev/existence /dev/null`

    And all this time I thought that the Catholics would be the ones to negate the creation...

    On that note, who's up for goin to Hollywood with me to stop this movie from being made?
    I figure we've got 8 days...

    1. Re:Temporal Physics (Re:"Birth of the Empire"?) by AvantLegion · · Score: 4, Funny
      1. There will have been no prequels, so /.ers will nothing to bitch about.
      2. No more Natalie Portman, so /.ers will have nothing to troll about.

      Must be your first day here if you think it takes Star Wars to get Slashdot bitching.

      Jesus Christ could descend from Heaven, contradict the Bible and grant forgiveness and entrance into Heaven to even those that did not follow him, promise people anything they could possibly want is waiting for them in Heaven.... and Slashdotters would bitch about having to stand in line.

      And they'd call Jesus a flip-flopper.

  57. Which evil? by JMZero · · Score: 4, Insightful

    The only evil parts of I and II were Darth Maul, Count Dooku, and the Fetts.

    Meh? How was Maul evil? He had horns? All of these guys are evil only because they're on the wrong side, not because they really establish their respective characters at all.

    Darth Vader used the force to choke a guy to death - because he got a little back-talk. Darth was a bad, bad man - and got lots of great scenes to establish his character. So did the emperor. Heck, they blew up a whole planet.

    --
    Let's not stir that bag of worms...
  58. Overzealous "lava surfing comments" by hellfire · · Score: 4, Interesting

    Whew, the flamage around here is about as bad as that Lava. It's also attacking the wrong thing.

    #1 This is the "British Tabloid, The Sun." Tabloid! Hello, McFly? Are you all really giving that much weight to everything that rag says? Oh, I'm sorry, this is slashdot, my bad.

    #2 The article quotes: The Hollywood source said: "Anakin and Obi-Wan fight on platforms on the lava. They control these like surfboards." Sounds like its poorly described. I read that as "controlled with the feet." This is a Tabloid so getting any more detailed than "like surfboards" will bore their readers. This is just sneak peak bullshit designed to get people reading and worked up.

    #3 If its described badly, don't can the scene until you've seen it. THEN can it. Have the friggin proof right in front of you. Oh, I'm sorry, this is slashdot, my bad.

    #4 Why hasn't anyone complained about the physics of the lava sequence? Now, near the surface, lava is pretty hot and shouldn't be messed with, but you could probably put things on it or hover over it a few feet and not get burnt. But if this is an epic battle, I'm thinking "fires of Mordor" here, deep in the earth or in a volcano. That's friggin HOT. Even if they aren't touching it, the platform should probably melt, or their feet catch fire and/or melt from the sheer heat just above it. Has anyone bothered to analyze this? And, I'm sorry, but if Anakin were to fall into the lava... instant crispy Jedi. None of this horribly scarred nonsense. Who cares if its not "geeky cool" or "artistically cool." Lets can the stupid physics like we used to around here!

    #5 Several other sources of Star Wars history cite that in the epic battle between the two, it was acid, not lava. Not that I think Lucas would actually bother to try to keep the timeline consistent, but hell, that actually sounds more realistic and no less cooler than the lava. Can we go back to this please?

    --

    "All great wisdom is contained in .signature files"

  59. rather it's .. by Razor+Blades+are+Not · · Score: 5, Funny

    .. the same lame stormtropper getup their mother made out of styrofoam and a sharpie.

  60. Spoiler, if you ask me. by ackthpt · · Score: 4, Insightful
    Screw the title, is anyone else worried about this cheesy-sounding fight on lava surfboards? Surfboards?!

    I'd personally like to thank the retard editor who let this spoiler go. Surfing lightsabre battle, great, I'm sure it's fantastic, but what is it with posters and editors who think it's necessary to dump details without a spoiler warning? I find I enjoy movies best knowing as little about them as possible before going in. In particular it saves people from me being yet-another-twit posting about how this or that was a let down thanks to my inflated expectations.

    I'll see it when it comes out, probably a week or so after opening and when crowds have thinned (after all the whinging begins in papers and on /. about how it sucked because of this, that or the other thing.)

    --

    A feeling of having made the same mistake before: Deja Foobar
    1. Re:Spoiler, if you ask me. by Minna+Kirai · · Score: 4, Funny

      Any movie that can be ruined in any way by a spoiler isn't a very good movie in the first place.

      Psst... Darth Vader is Luke's father!

      (Seriously, Sixth Sense was spoiled for me when someone mentioned that Bruce Willis was actually a robot)

  61. you have a dubious definition of creativity by circletimessquare · · Score: 5, Insightful

    lucas created a lot, what you define as noncreative is exactly what creativity is: mixing and matching previous cultural artifacts into new and novel combinations for great entertainment effect

    in other words, your forensic analysis of lucas's influences are dead on, but that simply illusrates how creative he is: to mix and match such disparate influences into something wholly fresh and enthralling

    you seem to think creativity happens in a vacuum

    ALL stories, written by ANYONE can be found to have similarities to previous stories, as all stories are simply variations on the hero myth and have the same story arc of crisis leading to resolution

    i mean, according to your definition, shakespeare or homer deserve credit for all books and movies made in western culture for the past couple of hundred years... um, no

    study joseph campbell and his groundbreaking work with myths, especially the hero with a thousand faces to see what i mean

    lucas is incredibly creative: watch his early film thx-1138 and do a forensic analysis of the science fiction and cultural critique roots of that movie... it doesn't take away from lucas's creativity to find his sources of inspiration

    no, the problem with lucas is that he hit his audience dead on in the first few films: older children and young teenagers, in the spirit of tintin: genuinely evil forces and genuine mortal risk at work against a young hero with colorful friends and enemies in a colorful universe

    however, for whatever bizarre reason, with jar jar and surfing lava, lucas somehow thinks that YOUNGER children should be courted instead of staying with his sweet spot of older children/ young teenagers... i mean c'mon jar jar is nothing but a teletubbie character: lucas has gotten the age wrong when he seeks to be kid-frinedly- he's aiming at too low of an age, and losing the sweet spot that his star wars universe appeals to

    on a side note, this whole delving into the forensic analysis of predecessors to creative works gets at the problem with corporations claiming intellectual property creep further and further into the public domain: micky mouse not lapsing into it, or the whole debale with the grey album: at some point, by claiming excessive ownership on what is essentially our shared human culture, corporations are stifling innovation, not helping it, by keeping works locked up in a vault where no one can freely dip into and remix from them...

    in such a too near future world where corporations and their hordes of lawyers exert too much of an influence on cultural ownership, a lawyer can come along just as you did in your parent post, and claim ownership of star wars based on previous works, and stifle star wars before it ever got out of the script pile

    on other words, in the future of increasing dubious and aggressive cultural ownership practices by large corporations, we would never have seen star wars... that's the kind of stifling of innovation we are dealing with in the whole ip battle ;-(

    --
    intellectual property law is philosophically incoherent. it is your moral duty to ignore it or sabotage it
  62. I can see the climax of the film now... by Retired+Replicant · · Score: 3, Funny

    Obi Wan and Annakin duel each other inside an enormous volcano, jumping around on rocks floating in the bubbling molten lava. Annakin looks down and sees a shiny gold ring sitting on one of the floating rocks. Suddenly he is seized by an irresitible urge to take the ring. He reaches for the ring, but just as he is about to slip it on his finger, the smouldering carcass of Gollum leaps from the lava screaming "Nooooo! My precioussssss!" and leaps onto Annakin, biting off his finger as they both fall back into the lava.

  63. On 2001, HAL, and self-awareness by maynard · · Score: 4, Interesting

    I'd view it more of a "Great Moments in Human Evolution" type story; having HAL malfunction was as much a criticism of the human paranoia* as it was on human-machine relations.

    Oh, I disagree. Of course there's lots of fodder for disagreement here since Kubrick intentionally left so much of the story open to personal interpretation by focusing on symbolic imagery over dialogue and plot. However, I think you really miss the point of HAL and why he "goes insane" by killing the crew. Of course, you've read the books, which (IMO) explains too much and misses Kubrick's point. Realize that this was a collaboration between Clarke and Kubrick, and they definitely had differing ideas about the main themes of the story.

    2001 starts off with aliens, personified by the black monolith, changing pre-cognitive apes (intended to be australopithecus) who were on the road to extinction into our semi-cognitive tool bearing forefathers. The apes were being out competed for access to water by another local ape tribe; they were being predated upon by leopards; local wart-hogs had no fear of them as they both competed for shrubs, grass, and berries. The result was that the first tool the apes learned to control was used to kill. Thus, a pattern begins where the beginnings of consciousness and self awareness lead to tool bearing for murder toward self-preservation.

    As the bone turns to a ship in the segue from "The Dawn Of Man" section the first personal tool we see is of Heywood Floyd's pen floating in the corridor of the space shuttle. This signifies a shift in cognition and self awareness from tools for killing to tools for communication and peaceful endeavors. Yet, just as the apes before were nearing extinction because they were incapable of living in that environment, so were humans completely out of their element when surrounded by technology. Notice the 10 point instructions on using a zero-G toilet. Or the lies surrounding the find by the american moonbase purporting a non-existent epidemic in order to protect their find of the second monolith (which implies continuing tribalism and the potential for warfare throughout human society).

    Then in Third section during the trip on Discovery to Jupiter, we see that the interactions between humans are as inhuman as can be. Bowman and Poole ignore each other as they eat. Poole has his birthday and watches the transmission from his family with the primary concern being whether his paycheck shows a recent raise. He orders HAL to raise and lower his bed; HAL complies without comment. In all of the interactions between humans there is a real sense of emotional self control in furtherance of misrepresenting emotional states, which HAL never quite understands. Bowman and Poole arrange to 'look at a broken transmitter' in the pod in order to get out of earshot from HAL, after learning that he made a mistake regarding the failure of the AE-35 unit. Then HAL watches them through the pod window and reads their lips as they discuss disconnecting him if he turns out to have erred.

    And here is the critical point: When HAL learns of his fate his first action as a self-aware creature is to kill in self-preservation. Just as the aliens lifted those pre-cognitive humans into self-awareness and offered them self-preservation through tools for killing, so does HAL show his "birth" into self awareness by killing the crew to save himself. It was an example of humans taking on the goals of the aliens by creating machine intelligence of their own. The aliens understood what the apes would do with self-awareness and a bone, but the humans had no idea that once they created a self-aware creature, it would act of its own accord. Earlier in the film Bowman is asked by a reporter if HAL really felt what he was programmed to feel, and Bowman replies that he doesn't think anyone could know the answer to that question. Well, HAL's actions show that he was a thinking feeling being, because he acted out of self-preservation rather than for the good of the m

    1. Re:On 2001, HAL, and self-awareness by ubrayj02 · · Score: 3, Insightful

      Hey dude, the plot of Clark's book was only a framework for Kubrick to tell the *real* story of his film.

      Kubrick spent a ton of time and energy finding, and then filming and editing, 2001 becasue he was trying to work in a central metaphor for the whole movie.

      If you're familiar with Nietzsche, there's this whole "Worm turns to Ape turns to lower Man, who then turns to Uber-Man" (or something like this) thing he wrote about. That transformation, and the details of it, are what Kubrick tried to present through Clrak's plot.

      Instead of using the plot to tell us the story, Kubrick used the process of editing and filming the story to get this message across.

      I think this is one reason why he is so highly regarded. He used the form of "filmaking" to tell a story that was (as I am sure he saw it) much larger than the hackneyed "aliens help man evolve" b.s. in Clark's story.

      After the film was done, Kubrick intentionally had all the props and film footage destroyed. Telling the story arc of Clark's book was not what was *really* going on in the film, for Kubrick.

      There're a couple of books you might want to check out that really give an in depth view of the whole deal:
      Geduld, Carolyn. Filmguide to 2001: A Space Odyssey. Bloomington, IN: Indiana University Press, 1973.

      Rasmussen, Randy. Stanley Kubrick (Seven Films Anlayzed). Jefferson, North Carolina: McFarland & Company Inc., 1998

  64. Probably because they are not as retarded as you. by autopr0n · · Score: 4, Interesting

    I thinks its funny that the rumor sites never caught onto this parallel, especially since George has been so into creating parallels with the first three movies.

    You don't seem to have much of a sense of grammar, I have to say. Not that I'm a grammar Nazi, but I do know a little bit about speech. The subject in "Attack of the Clones" is the attack, not the clones, while the subject of "The Empire Strikes Back" is the empire itself, so there isn't really much of a parallel in the titles, beyond the parallelism in all of the titles.

    Not to mention, your analysis is pretty week, because what you call "things in action" are both events and actions. An attack is an event. And so is a "strike", (certainly a military strike, which is what we are talking about).

    And of course, all "events" are also "things". I mean, obviously a "new hope" or a "phantom menace" are not anymore corporeal things then events like a "strike", a "birth", a "return" or an "attack".

    Finally, you can take any set of pairs and come up with some kind of crazy-ass meaning. For example:

    "The Birth of the Empire" and "A new hope",
    both are about beginnings.

    "The Phantom Menace" and "The Empire Strikes Back" both deal with bad things happening. (The Empire, which is evil, doing something. And something being a menace, and a phantom menace at that As opposed to ANH, or RotJ, which are good, and AotC which is neutral)

    "Attack of the Clones" and "Return of the Jedi"

    Both "verb of the noun" form.

    My point isn't that there is some clear pattern, just that you can draw parallels between just about everything if you really try.

    --
    autopr0n is like, down and stuff.
  65. The lack of star wars in Star Wars by bonch · · Score: 3, Insightful

    Remember when you expected huge epic space battles from Star Wars? I'm tired of these CG ground-based battles. Only one we've gotten so far, and it's a kid and his "cute" accidents that win the battle.

    Where are the X-Wings? The Tie Fighters? The space battles?

    Where is the history of the Rebellion, and their first design prototypes of the Y-Wings, X-Wings, and so forth? The creation of the Rebel fleet and bases on Hoth and so forth? I'd rather see Hoth again, not Tattooine.

    You know, actual prequels to the storyline we know in the original movies. If Lucas wants to jerk off over CG--where is the absolutely monstrous, record-breaking spaceship battle taking place between Star Destroyers, fighter ships, and so forth that shows everyone how it's done?

    Nah, lets watch a bunch of Gungans and some CG clones shoot through clouds of dust instead.

  66. I got news for you ... by willtsmith · · Score: 3, Interesting


    All these modern titles are run through focus groups. They're chosen based on marketing.

    Basically, the hamsters in the focus rooms hit the pedal more times when "Birth of an Empire" was read.

    I have one BIG reservation about the title. I think they should have done a focus group against the NAACP to see what they thought. "Birth of a Nation" is cited as the most racist, provocative film in American history. The titles are eerily similiar.

    I would have chosen something like "Fall of the Jedi", to mirror "Return of the Jedi".

    Others I am thinking up now.
    "Empire Rising"
    "Rebel Dawn"
    "The Lost Hope"
    "Fall of Darkness"
    "Sith Ascension"
    "The Path Chosen"
    "Lost Futures"
    "Tyrrany"
    "Deception"
    "The Dark Appretice"
    "The Black Dawn"
    "Vader"
    "Darth Ascension"

    --
    -------- -------- Support Wesley Clark for president!!!
  67. Stone, meet Glass House by spun · · Score: 5, Funny

    Not that I'm a grammar Nazi, but I do know a little bit about speech.
    ..
    Not to mention, your analysis is pretty week,

    'nuff said. :-P

    --
    - None can love freedom heartily, but good men; the rest love not freedom, but license. -- John Milton
  68. The Good and Bad by Aexia · · Score: 4, Interesting

    Episode 1:
    Good - The overall plot of Palpatine's manipulations to gain control of the Republican.
    Bad - It's possibly *too* subtle. Even at the end, one of my friends *still* didn't realize he was Darth Sidious.
    Good - Ewan McGreggor and Liam Neeson.
    Bad - Everything about Anakin and JAR JAR.
    Bad - Having R2D2 and C3PO be present.
    Bad - Midichlorines.
    Bad - The trade alliance droids.
    Bad - Pretty much all the dialogue.
    Bad - Everything related to Jar Jar's people and their battle later on.
    Bad - A democraticly elected MONARCH? Come on.
    Bad - Anakin blowing up the droid control ship.
    Good - Darth Maul.
    Bad - He's hardly in it.

    Episode 2:
    Good - Nearly everything in the Obi-Wan side of things.
    Good - Dooku's conversation with Obi-Wan where he portrays himself as a rebel against the insidious dark side which is taking over the empire and needs Obi-Wan's help.
    Bad - Obi-Wan automagically deciding he's evil.
    Bad - EVERYTHING on the Anakin/Padme side of things. The romance is laughably bad.
    Good - Yoda. (I'm in the minority)
    Good - Obi-Wan.
    Bad - Anakin.
    Bad - Droids vs clones = Big battles where no one 'real' gets hurt. Hundreds die and I couldn't give a shit. Compare this to ANH where a handful of nearly anonymous pilots die, but we watch them scream in their cockpits. WE CARE as a result.
    Good - Jar Jar dooms the Republic.
    Bad - Pretty much everything on the trade federation planet.
    Bad - The dialogue... AGAIN.

    Basically, the foundations for good movies are there. That's what's so frustrating. We could've had really good movies, but Lucas shovelled shit on top of them in the form of pandering to developmentally disabled two-year-olds and TOYS R US.

  69. Maybe I'm Amazed (Sorry Paul) by Mobster · · Score: 3, Funny

    Warning, this will probably get modded as a troll post..

    Let's see...
    (X) Bitch about George Lucas making oodels of $$
    (X) Bitch about how stupid the titles are for the prequels
    (X) Bitch about how the story sucks
    (X) Bitch about all things Star Wars Prequel
    (X) Pay my $10 to see it

    There is the paradox!

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    ---- You have been programmed by the Illuminati to not see the word ""!