Slashdot Mirror
Subterranean Slashdot Email Blues
If you can imagine working in the office of a school for gifted, troubled, and criminally insane children, inside an international airport, you can get a taste of what it is like to do support for Slashdot. I've worked here around 5 years now and have seen some crazy things. From a guy showing up at the office and offering me a car if I let him "reverse engineer Rob Malda's life", to people shaking and on the verge of tears because they got a Slashdot sticker. I was really tempted to take the car by the way but the thought of Rob spending his last few weeks in a hole, while this guy lowered a bucket of lotion and water down to him once a day, made me feel bad. Most of my time is spent answering email. Most days I receive about 50. When it's busy I can get well over a hundred. As everyone knows, people are precisely 500% more rude and angry online than they are in real life. Something about not having to see the tears or dodge the fist of the person you are swearing at brings out the worst in some people. We decided it would be fun to go through some of the more 'interesting' mails we've got through the years as part of our 10 year anniversary. Below you'll find some of my favorite rants, conspiracy theories and tantrums. (CT: Don't forget to put in your charity bid for the EFF- time is almost up.)
Lets start out with the good. I hardly ever get mail telling me how good we are and I don't expect it. I do appreciate humor though. When I get a mail like this it makes my day.
On Thu, 24 Feb 2005, ******** wrote: "Hi all Found the culprit at the London site that got them all banned from Slashdot. He was running a spider across bloglines.com, and there was a link to slashdot (which it followed).... as he said "I should have known better"... he should have, he is a real techie.... The rest of the staff at that site have taken the user outside, stripped him naked, and are currently stoning him in my middle of Oxford Street.... I hope this is an adequate punishment, and you see it in your hearts to allow ********* to access your fine online publication again. Sorry for any problems this has caused, when I get down to that site next week, I hope there are some stones left for me to throw at him."
Sometimes we get mail that is obviously for someone else.
Date: Thu, 15 Jul 2004 12:18:01 "I am very tired of your whining. John won custody of Brandon. There is no changing that. What makes you two think that I need Brandon to have a family? I have news for both of you I have my own kids. I don't need someone else's to complete my life. I could care less where he lives. Whether it be with Tammy or John it makes no difference to me. As a matter of fact I only have 2 kids because that is all I wanted. I sure did not need one that has a learning disability. So when you are sending out all your e-mails, letters and internet crap leave me out of it. I am just a person in the middle of all this bologna. Don't assume that what you all want is what I ever wanted. I have my own life and my own career. I have my own identity. None of it revolves around any of you or Brandon." Have a nice day!
I can only hope that everything worked out for Brandon. Sometimes people just need to share with me what's going on in their lives.
Sat, 9 Apr 2005 22:11:16 (PDT) "please take ******* off mailing list I get slash-story on yahoo and msn do not need both , and use yahoo more a lot more thank you I am a good man who very well may die in jail for something I did not do because I must take a plea 4 years of cancer has taken all of my money I am taking Clindamycin hcl 150 mg 3 pills 4 times per day plus Cipro XR 1000 mg 1 per day Acidophilus 3pills per day ! These are the new ones just for the Lung deal Cymbalta 60 mg 1 times a day ( 6mo's) prednisone 60 mg per day-off now !(4yearsplus) singulair 10 mg 1 per day (3 years) ranitide300 mg 2 times per day (3years) mirtazapine 45 mg bed time (1.5years) clonazepam 1 mg 4 times per day (2.5 years ) Advir 250/50 2 times per day (2 years ) combivent inhaler b-1 2 or 3 times a day (3 years) Wow when you write it all ! How do I keep going ? 5 Years no SSI-SSA Paid in 20 years ? Plus I must be on a lung pump W/oxygen everynight or I could die at any time !!!!!!!! Was on 60mgs of Paxil and 60mgs of steroids at the same time for over 4 years it changed my personality 100% took myself off both even with a danger of taking much time off the end of my life !"
This brings us to my favorite type of mail, the crazies. They range from the mildly disturbed to schizophrenics. I honestly wish i got more of these.
Date: Sun, 29 Aug 2004 08:41:39 "I try to be very circumspect in the emails that I generate. Some of my contacts are personal friends and some are serious business contacts. I am sending this link because it reflects the hours of study that I have done (far less than the 10,000 that the author mentions). In the 1960's while being trained to go to Vietnam, I was taught that you never can understand your enemy till you understand his religion. This nation is in a war - not because we chose to be in the war - but because those on the other side believe that we have no right to exist and they are determined to destroy us and our way of life - simply because we do not share their religion. I will never try to FORCE anyone to believe as I believe. I will openly discuss the evidence that has made me believe as I do, and if you accept that evidence then we will be agreed. If I have accepted false evidence, or if my logic is flawed, you are my friend to show me a better way. But for others to determine that if I will not accept their religion, then they must kill me and destroy all that I have is completely repugnant to all humanity. Read, study, think and make decisions that are logical based upon available evidence. May you always walk with God."
Thursday 15 November 2001 06:33 pm "I'm writing you to express my concern as a citizen that our government has spent and is spending taxpayer dollars on research into implanting microchips into the human brain. With some of the horror stories coming out in books from authors like Cathy O'Brien and Brice Taylor--survivors of atrocious CIA mind-control experiments--the potential abuse of this technology is very alarming. Slashdot would do well to alert the public about this issue, an invasive and abuse plan to control people's very thoughts. The U.S. Air Force released a report in 1996 titled AIR FORCE 2025, which is mirrored on the Federation of American Scientists Web site at: http://www.fas.org/spp/military/docops/usaf/2025/v3c2/v3c2-4.htm [By the year 2025:] "The civilian populace will likely accept an implanted microscopic chips that allow military members to defend vital national interests." --Chapter 4 of Information Operations: A New War-Fighting Capability contained in Volume 3 of Air Force 2025: Final Report by the U.S. Department of Defense (1996) Air Force 2025 is the final report on a study conducted by the U.S. Department of Defense presented on June 17th 1996, and which seeks to identify the technologies and practices that will need to be implemented by the year 2025 in order for the United States to "remain the dominant air and space force in the 21st century." The report actually uses the term "brain chip" for the implantable microchips which can perform a number of functions such as satellite tracking at all times, personal information storage and retrieval, and behavior modification."
Wed, 03 Mar 2004 15:39:17 "What is your problem? I'm doing the best I fucking can. My whole existence is to do the right thing and make people happy. You are doing it too alright. I realize the whole world is focused on me right now, get over it. I appreciate many things in life as we all do. Just do the right thing, every single time."
About a third of all the mail I get is angry users. Most are civil, some are nasty and a few threaten me with bodily harm. Even people who aren't exactly sure what Slashdot is send me angry mail.
Mon, 01 Nov 2004 07:20:22 "Dear Whom ever! You people are absolute idoits. You mean to tell me that you ban new user who have only been using your service/server what ever the case maybe after approximately 5 minutes or so? If that is the you people do not understand the concept of customer service in the least! Period! Even though, I did not select the use of what ever the your website or service this is a example of the worst customer service of all time, bar none.(Pardoning the pun of course) If you have agreements with other companies that customize windows and special add-on programs as such, maybe what ever this issue is or is being caused by can be resolved. And you can make no mistake about it, I do not exactly what your service is, But I will not ever knowingly use your service again. And, secondly, I have also advised all the people I know online (which is many); due to fact I attend 2 universities online. Not, to use your service if they are using an version of SideBar or the like program. It is as I mentioned before, where it is a default issue with SideBar or some issue with yourselves; I am not sure and frankly, at this point I do not care. However, You might want to consider having an amendment made with or to the Sidebar group to correct the problem or If I may suggest possibly sending them an email explaining who and what your policies of usage are upon receiving any new requests online. Thank you and Good luck in the future."
On Wed, 1 Jun 2005, ***** A wrote: "All I did was drag the icon for your feed to my firefox menu bar. It has been removed. I didn't abuse anything. Go fuck yourselves, I'll bet it's the only action you minimum-wage, still-living-in-the-parents-basement, criticizing-the-industry-you-cant-make-a-living-in, whiny-assed geeks can get. Put down your officially licensed Obi-Wan Kenobi replica light saber from Star Wars episode IV (the original theatrical release!), forget about what Microsoft is doing for 30 minutes and go talk to a girl (a real one, not one you downloaded or inflated or built out of spare vacuum cleaner parts in your basement). If you can't drive fast enough, stay off the fucking freeway!"
On Wed, 15 Feb 2006, ***** wrote: "Fuck you and your karma you stupid buddhist fags. Fucking elitist prick bastards. I will just open another account. I will just troll more now because you guys pissed me off with your homo statements. Slashdot is fucking gay, the stories you post are fucking gay, the commentary is gay, all of you are gay. You are all a bunch of pseudo-intellectuals that like to post the most idiodic stories, and then the mods get mad and mod people down when they complain about the quality of stories. I've even had someone go as far as to say "Slashdot isn't for the news. It's for the commentary and discussions." What an assclown, if the stories suck then guess what? The comments are going to suck too. Besides, you guys get most of your stories from Digg and Google News anyways. You are all fucking worthless, I hope you all die and go to hell where you can make stupid rebuttals to Satan's posts and mod his comments "flamebait." Stupid cunts. By the way, ban my IP for all I care. There's plenty of computers at the library I can use to open new accounts to troll with. Your karma system is just something for your /. fanbois to jack off too (Ooh look, I got +5 Insightful, I must be a fucking genius!); it's completely worthless at stopping trolls from posting. I can't believe you make people pay for your site. So they can have a * next to their name and see the stories early. Wow! That really makes up for the lack of quality control on the front page (dup stories ALL the time, misleading headlines, misleading article summaries, mods letting stories through THEY think are interesting instead of the majority deciding... and so on) So I hope you are happy, you have gained another troll that will make sure your site gets lots of "Insightful" comments."
Date: Fri, 15 Jul 2005 11:48:22 "When I try to log on, I get this message:
'Danger, Will Robinson! You didn't log in! You apparently put in the wrong password, or the wrong nickname. Either try again, or have your password mailed to you if you forgot your password. Logging in will allow you to post comments as yourself. If you don't log in, you will only be able to post as Anonymous Coward.'
I'm not Will Robinson! Can't you fuckers even keep track of users? Delete all my information now before you give it away to someone else! The bank fucked me like this I won't let you. Delete my info immediately or I will report you! On second thought you will fuck that up to just give me your adress so I know where to go to beat your ass!
I sent our address but he never showed up. For some people swearing and threatening me isn't enough. We had a banned user that I exchanged mail with at least a dozen times. It soon became clear that he wasn't interested in an explanation or what I had to tell him. The last message I sent was this.
Date: Thu, 23 Jun 2005 14:40:13 From: Robert Rozeboom To: ****************** Subject: Re: FW: FW: Problem with excessive bad posting "I'm sorry but there isn't anything to correct. This is how the system was meant to work. I am sorry that you disagree and feel slighted."
The next day he mailed me a few more times. I ignored him assuming that he'd get tired of yelling and wait for the timeout to expire. The following Monday Hemos tells me HR got a complaint and a fwd. mail in which I was abusive to a reader.
From: Robert Rozeboom [mailto:samzenpus@akane.blockstackers.com] On Behalf Of Robert Rozeboom Sent: Thursday, June 23, 2005 2:40 PM To:*********** Subject: Re: FW: FW: Problem with excessive bad posting "There isn't anything to correct dumb-ass. This is how the system was meant to work. It's pukes like you that we would prefer didn't have computers to begin with. Your whiney assed email isn't going to get you anywhere. Shut the fuck up or I will block you for good."
Can you spot the differences? Luckily I had saved all our correspondence but to this day it is the one time that a user really got to me. Pukes? Who the hell besides the drill instructor in Full Metal Jacket, says pukes? I'm used to the swearing and the threats but doctoring mail and trying to get me fired was a new one. So please, enjoy the site, enjoy the discussions, learn something, debate your thoughts and ideas. All I ask is that your next mail to me doesn't have WTF? as the subject.
Lets start out with the good. I hardly ever get mail telling me how good we are and I don't expect it. I do appreciate humor though. When I get a mail like this it makes my day.
On Thu, 24 Feb 2005, ******** wrote: "Hi all Found the culprit at the London site that got them all banned from Slashdot. He was running a spider across bloglines.com, and there was a link to slashdot (which it followed).... as he said "I should have known better"... he should have, he is a real techie.... The rest of the staff at that site have taken the user outside, stripped him naked, and are currently stoning him in my middle of Oxford Street.... I hope this is an adequate punishment, and you see it in your hearts to allow ********* to access your fine online publication again. Sorry for any problems this has caused, when I get down to that site next week, I hope there are some stones left for me to throw at him."
Sometimes we get mail that is obviously for someone else.
Date: Thu, 15 Jul 2004 12:18:01 "I am very tired of your whining. John won custody of Brandon. There is no changing that. What makes you two think that I need Brandon to have a family? I have news for both of you I have my own kids. I don't need someone else's to complete my life. I could care less where he lives. Whether it be with Tammy or John it makes no difference to me. As a matter of fact I only have 2 kids because that is all I wanted. I sure did not need one that has a learning disability. So when you are sending out all your e-mails, letters and internet crap leave me out of it. I am just a person in the middle of all this bologna. Don't assume that what you all want is what I ever wanted. I have my own life and my own career. I have my own identity. None of it revolves around any of you or Brandon." Have a nice day!
I can only hope that everything worked out for Brandon. Sometimes people just need to share with me what's going on in their lives.
Sat, 9 Apr 2005 22:11:16 (PDT) "please take ******* off mailing list I get slash-story on yahoo and msn do not need both , and use yahoo more a lot more thank you I am a good man who very well may die in jail for something I did not do because I must take a plea 4 years of cancer has taken all of my money I am taking Clindamycin hcl 150 mg 3 pills 4 times per day plus Cipro XR 1000 mg 1 per day Acidophilus 3pills per day ! These are the new ones just for the Lung deal Cymbalta 60 mg 1 times a day ( 6mo's) prednisone 60 mg per day-off now !(4yearsplus) singulair 10 mg 1 per day (3 years) ranitide300 mg 2 times per day (3years) mirtazapine 45 mg bed time (1.5years) clonazepam 1 mg 4 times per day (2.5 years ) Advir 250/50 2 times per day (2 years ) combivent inhaler b-1 2 or 3 times a day (3 years) Wow when you write it all ! How do I keep going ? 5 Years no SSI-SSA Paid in 20 years ? Plus I must be on a lung pump W/oxygen everynight or I could die at any time !!!!!!!! Was on 60mgs of Paxil and 60mgs of steroids at the same time for over 4 years it changed my personality 100% took myself off both even with a danger of taking much time off the end of my life !"
This brings us to my favorite type of mail, the crazies. They range from the mildly disturbed to schizophrenics. I honestly wish i got more of these.
Date: Sun, 29 Aug 2004 08:41:39 "I try to be very circumspect in the emails that I generate. Some of my contacts are personal friends and some are serious business contacts. I am sending this link because it reflects the hours of study that I have done (far less than the 10,000 that the author mentions). In the 1960's while being trained to go to Vietnam, I was taught that you never can understand your enemy till you understand his religion. This nation is in a war - not because we chose to be in the war - but because those on the other side believe that we have no right to exist and they are determined to destroy us and our way of life - simply because we do not share their religion. I will never try to FORCE anyone to believe as I believe. I will openly discuss the evidence that has made me believe as I do, and if you accept that evidence then we will be agreed. If I have accepted false evidence, or if my logic is flawed, you are my friend to show me a better way. But for others to determine that if I will not accept their religion, then they must kill me and destroy all that I have is completely repugnant to all humanity. Read, study, think and make decisions that are logical based upon available evidence. May you always walk with God."
Thursday 15 November 2001 06:33 pm "I'm writing you to express my concern as a citizen that our government has spent and is spending taxpayer dollars on research into implanting microchips into the human brain. With some of the horror stories coming out in books from authors like Cathy O'Brien and Brice Taylor--survivors of atrocious CIA mind-control experiments--the potential abuse of this technology is very alarming. Slashdot would do well to alert the public about this issue, an invasive and abuse plan to control people's very thoughts. The U.S. Air Force released a report in 1996 titled AIR FORCE 2025, which is mirrored on the Federation of American Scientists Web site at: http://www.fas.org/spp/military/docops/usaf/2025/v3c2/v3c2-4.htm [By the year 2025:] "The civilian populace will likely accept an implanted microscopic chips that allow military members to defend vital national interests." --Chapter 4 of Information Operations: A New War-Fighting Capability contained in Volume 3 of Air Force 2025: Final Report by the U.S. Department of Defense (1996) Air Force 2025 is the final report on a study conducted by the U.S. Department of Defense presented on June 17th 1996, and which seeks to identify the technologies and practices that will need to be implemented by the year 2025 in order for the United States to "remain the dominant air and space force in the 21st century." The report actually uses the term "brain chip" for the implantable microchips which can perform a number of functions such as satellite tracking at all times, personal information storage and retrieval, and behavior modification."
Wed, 03 Mar 2004 15:39:17 "What is your problem? I'm doing the best I fucking can. My whole existence is to do the right thing and make people happy. You are doing it too alright. I realize the whole world is focused on me right now, get over it. I appreciate many things in life as we all do. Just do the right thing, every single time."
About a third of all the mail I get is angry users. Most are civil, some are nasty and a few threaten me with bodily harm. Even people who aren't exactly sure what Slashdot is send me angry mail.
Mon, 01 Nov 2004 07:20:22 "Dear Whom ever! You people are absolute idoits. You mean to tell me that you ban new user who have only been using your service/server what ever the case maybe after approximately 5 minutes or so? If that is the you people do not understand the concept of customer service in the least! Period! Even though, I did not select the use of what ever the your website or service this is a example of the worst customer service of all time, bar none.(Pardoning the pun of course) If you have agreements with other companies that customize windows and special add-on programs as such, maybe what ever this issue is or is being caused by can be resolved. And you can make no mistake about it, I do not exactly what your service is, But I will not ever knowingly use your service again. And, secondly, I have also advised all the people I know online (which is many); due to fact I attend 2 universities online. Not, to use your service if they are using an version of SideBar or the like program. It is as I mentioned before, where it is a default issue with SideBar or some issue with yourselves; I am not sure and frankly, at this point I do not care. However, You might want to consider having an amendment made with or to the Sidebar group to correct the problem or If I may suggest possibly sending them an email explaining who and what your policies of usage are upon receiving any new requests online. Thank you and Good luck in the future."
On Wed, 1 Jun 2005, ***** A wrote: "All I did was drag the icon for your feed to my firefox menu bar. It has been removed. I didn't abuse anything. Go fuck yourselves, I'll bet it's the only action you minimum-wage, still-living-in-the-parents-basement, criticizing-the-industry-you-cant-make-a-living-in, whiny-assed geeks can get. Put down your officially licensed Obi-Wan Kenobi replica light saber from Star Wars episode IV (the original theatrical release!), forget about what Microsoft is doing for 30 minutes and go talk to a girl (a real one, not one you downloaded or inflated or built out of spare vacuum cleaner parts in your basement). If you can't drive fast enough, stay off the fucking freeway!"
On Wed, 15 Feb 2006, ***** wrote: "Fuck you and your karma you stupid buddhist fags. Fucking elitist prick bastards. I will just open another account. I will just troll more now because you guys pissed me off with your homo statements. Slashdot is fucking gay, the stories you post are fucking gay, the commentary is gay, all of you are gay. You are all a bunch of pseudo-intellectuals that like to post the most idiodic stories, and then the mods get mad and mod people down when they complain about the quality of stories. I've even had someone go as far as to say "Slashdot isn't for the news. It's for the commentary and discussions." What an assclown, if the stories suck then guess what? The comments are going to suck too. Besides, you guys get most of your stories from Digg and Google News anyways. You are all fucking worthless, I hope you all die and go to hell where you can make stupid rebuttals to Satan's posts and mod his comments "flamebait." Stupid cunts. By the way, ban my IP for all I care. There's plenty of computers at the library I can use to open new accounts to troll with. Your karma system is just something for your /. fanbois to jack off too (Ooh look, I got +5 Insightful, I must be a fucking genius!); it's completely worthless at stopping trolls from posting. I can't believe you make people pay for your site. So they can have a * next to their name and see the stories early. Wow! That really makes up for the lack of quality control on the front page (dup stories ALL the time, misleading headlines, misleading article summaries, mods letting stories through THEY think are interesting instead of the majority deciding... and so on) So I hope you are happy, you have gained another troll that will make sure your site gets lots of "Insightful" comments."
Date: Fri, 15 Jul 2005 11:48:22 "When I try to log on, I get this message:
'Danger, Will Robinson! You didn't log in! You apparently put in the wrong password, or the wrong nickname. Either try again, or have your password mailed to you if you forgot your password. Logging in will allow you to post comments as yourself. If you don't log in, you will only be able to post as Anonymous Coward.'
I'm not Will Robinson! Can't you fuckers even keep track of users? Delete all my information now before you give it away to someone else! The bank fucked me like this I won't let you. Delete my info immediately or I will report you! On second thought you will fuck that up to just give me your adress so I know where to go to beat your ass!
I sent our address but he never showed up. For some people swearing and threatening me isn't enough. We had a banned user that I exchanged mail with at least a dozen times. It soon became clear that he wasn't interested in an explanation or what I had to tell him. The last message I sent was this.
Date: Thu, 23 Jun 2005 14:40:13 From: Robert Rozeboom To: ****************** Subject: Re: FW: FW: Problem with excessive bad posting "I'm sorry but there isn't anything to correct. This is how the system was meant to work. I am sorry that you disagree and feel slighted."
The next day he mailed me a few more times. I ignored him assuming that he'd get tired of yelling and wait for the timeout to expire. The following Monday Hemos tells me HR got a complaint and a fwd. mail in which I was abusive to a reader.
From: Robert Rozeboom [mailto:samzenpus@akane.blockstackers.com] On Behalf Of Robert Rozeboom Sent: Thursday, June 23, 2005 2:40 PM To:*********** Subject: Re: FW: FW: Problem with excessive bad posting "There isn't anything to correct dumb-ass. This is how the system was meant to work. It's pukes like you that we would prefer didn't have computers to begin with. Your whiney assed email isn't going to get you anywhere. Shut the fuck up or I will block you for good."
Can you spot the differences? Luckily I had saved all our correspondence but to this day it is the one time that a user really got to me. Pukes? Who the hell besides the drill instructor in Full Metal Jacket, says pukes? I'm used to the swearing and the threats but doctoring mail and trying to get me fired was a new one. So please, enjoy the site, enjoy the discussions, learn something, debate your thoughts and ideas. All I ask is that your next mail to me doesn't have WTF? as the subject.
Seriously though, thanks for posting these e-mails, hilarious stuff for a terrible Monday morning.
Come on, post the nicknames! :)
KDawson's on the Pavement, posting about the government. CowboyNeal's in the trench coat, poll out, laid off
you think it's funny to make fun of the mentally unstable!
well...
um...
apparently it is!
intellectual property law is philosophically incoherent. it is your moral duty to ignore it or sabotage it
So...Any of those from Ballmer, by chance?
Not until he can figure out how to get a chair through the server......
Thanks for sharing. This was really good. This reminds me of the guy who runs tired.com. He once published some mails he got.
I've always found that people who have to deal with customer service in almost any vein often get to deal with some of the most loony people, and the rest of us only rarely get to catch a glimpse through the window of insanity. I used to work at a radio station, and we would get calls and comments from the most crazy people. Specifically, there was this one guy who always (I think he still does) call the radio station and try to get on the air through a lot of devious means. This guy thought that Stephen Spielberg killed John Lennon. We'd also get faxes from people who would write the nuttiest stuff..the one that sticks out in my mind was a bunch of writings that looked like chicken scratch, but actually was this elaborate way of writing normal sentences using mathematical equations and symbols. It was kindof cool...I almost passed it on to the cops because it reminded me of the way the Zodiac killer used to write, and this was in San Francisco. Nutty people make life more interesting.
Do I get a pr...er, I mean, would someone get a prize if that person's email made it into the story?
(And sorry about the 'puke' thing. I was having a bad day ;)
I can only imagine how many emails you will get today with "WTF?" as the subject line. I'm gonna take a wild guess and say it will be more than your usual 50. :)
We are Pentium of Borg. Division is futile. You will be approximated.
"This brings us to my favorite type of mail, the crazies. They range from the mildly disturbed to schizophrenics. I honestly wish i got more of these."
God: When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.
Is that the implantable microchip page is real (check out, however, the clip art source and date). It is a better article than half of the ones posted. Come on, open up and share more often. A lot of us don't take our meds all of the time. We would understand!
Faster! Faster! Faster would be better!
With this crowd, I expect that in a few hours time your inbox will be full of emails with subject 'WTF?'
called "Clarice", by an effete engineer/programmer or being told, "It PUTS the hard disk in the bucket, or it gets a reboot...", or something to that effect or affect...
Previously: "Linux... Toward the Sunrise..." Now: "Linux... Toward the-- No, now, part of Every Sunrise"
"All I ask is that your next mail to me doesn't have WTF? as the subject."
Do you not realize what you've just invited half of Slashdot to do?
Post some of the crazy mails about pirates and ninjas!
Only 50? people are rude in emails? I guess you've never worked as tech support for Microsoft then (or any other big outfit for that matter, but I thought I'd slip Microsoft in the post). 50 emails a day is on the low side.
You know, it is possible he posted that with the intent of opening people's eyes about how bad it can be. Instead of the typical "I had to walk to school in the snow both ways uphill" response, you could show a bit of appreciation.
See this is where digg clearly has the upper hand. I mean you could take away KR for days and digg would just keep going (and going, and going....) Hell I think he's been in a hole for the past entire year
std::disclaimer<std::legalese> sig=new std::disclaimer; sig->dump(); delete sig;
I guess I'm not clued in on this feature / bit of lore.
Why would someone be in tears if they were to receive one?
Give a man a fish and you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish, and he'll say "WHERE'S MY FISH, YOU IDIOT?"
What is a "slashdot sticker" and why would I cry and shake if I got one? Is it like getting the "black spot" in a pirate throwdown?
Wait. What? Slashdot provides some kind of a service? I though it was just a place where people from all over the world got together to type gibberish.
You never really know how close to the edge you can go until you fall off.
One of the few simple pleasures is being able to point to a higher up when someone who is complaining is wrong or flat out lied.
You never expect irony, do you?
Want to be a professional wrestler? Visit www.iyfwrestling.com
@iyfwrestling
I can't imagine _any_ tech support job going through e-mail, that would me completely unmanageable (unless said e-mails are just notifications that a ticket was added/edited in the ticket database).
Actually the jobs that get the most mail are probably management jobs, or something administrative like HR. I'm a software developer and on average I get maybe 2 e-mails per day. Who the fuck needs to mail me? Project manager just walks by, colleagues sit at the next desk and the hardware guys are in the next room.
8 of 13 people found this answer helpful. Did you?
I am Will Robinson!!
pole out
;)
There fixed it for ya.
When I worked for Big Retail Company I was in charge of the system that sent promotions out to users. We always got at least five people cursing at us for spamming them. It was incredible just how angry and irate people can get. The trouble was, the only way you could get on our email list is by saying yes to the cashier when they ask. In which case, they'd write your email address on a note card and the manager would type it in after closing. You'd actually have to watch them write it down! It just proves that some people are dimmer than others (and people REALLY hate spam.)
I have a theory that the truth is never told during the nine-to-five hours. - Hunter S. Thompson
With almost a million or is it now more registered users you are going to get and equal number of genius and complete loons.
BTW.
Hey you stupid jerks why didn't you take my submission? I bet the government got to you!
In Soviet Russia and Beowulf cluster of old Koreans imagines you.
See my blog http://ilovecookes.blogspot.com/ for light hearted technical information.
Finally, you guys put a year on something! How about the posts now?
Personally I don't care what kind of pills people have to put into their body. To me complaining about your physical ailments just makes me want to walk away from any conversation. Really, who wants to hear about my tummy aches and how my fred flintstone vitamins taste bad but my mom makes me take them anyway...
FlyingPizzas.com, for the tasteful hermit
Why are people writing this guy anyway, everyone knows taco running /.
What is your problem? I'm doing the best I fucking can. My whole existence is to do the right thing and make people happy. You are doing it too alright. I realize the whole world is focused on me right now, get over it.
Hey Taco, you never told us that you and Theo were pen pals.
This reminds me of the QQ topics in the WoW forums. It got to the point where people would use an alt character to post a fake complaint to start a flame war. A classic example would be someone posting with a lvl 10 warlock in the rogue forums about how rogues are overpowered an need to be nerfed. After 20 pages of long debunks it would become apparent that people had wasted part of their lives arguing with another bored rogue who didn't believe any of the crap they were posting. Not only were they playing a joke on their fellow rogues but they were making fun of people that came to their forums to complain. In a similar manner I wonder if any of these emails or posts on slashdot are from bored people expressing fake opinions that are the oppossite of their real ones, just for the amusement of seeing the responses. Always makes me think twice when it seems like someone is trying to spread FUD. Wouldn't suprise me a bit seeing as how some of those guys do visit slashdot.
Comment removed based on user account deletion
Not until he can figure out how to get a chair through the server......
:-)
If he does you can bet he'll patent it and use it to sue F**king google
There are some real gems in there, thanks for sharing.
My favorite idiot line had to be "By the way, ban my IP for all I care. There's plenty of computers at the library I can use to open new accounts to troll with.".
But the guy who was most certainly not Will Robinson was the funniest.
There is no -1 Disagree mod. Slashdot.org/faq defines mod options. USE IT.
At one point, I used an email address specifically for posting to Usenet, and set it up to auto-respond with a simple message: "This is an automatically-generated response. I don't read email to this address, please reply to my posting in the newsgroup".
One guy continued to reply to the automatic response, asking, then demanding that I stop emailing him. He claimed to be very upset, threatened to call the police, etc... despite the line at the beginning of every reply: "this is an automatically-generated response".
His email address was in the tamu.edu domain. At that point, I started to wonder if most Aggie jokes were actually true.
> CmdrTaco's in the basement mixing up the medicine,
>KDawson's on the Pavement, posting about the government.
>CowboyNeal's in the trench coat, poll out, laid off
Says he's got a bad cough, likes his job at Slashdot.
Look out kid, it's somethin' you did.
God knows when, but we're filkin' it again.
You better page down the thread a ways, linkin' to a new Friend,
The link to the Goatse site, in the big pen
He's eleven inches 'round, you only got ten.
Natalie's big tits, naked, hot grits
Talkin' that CALEA puttin' plants in the bed but
The net's tapped anyway, Natalie's right, many say
They bust Bush in early May, orders from the NSA
You must be new here, kid, don't matter what you did,
Mod up and down the Firehose, eatin' lotsa No-Doz,
Better stay away from those that decrypt with a rubberhose,
Make a clean post, watch the plainclothes,
You don't need mod points to know which way the wind blows.
Get sick, get well, hang around a inkwell,
Ring bell, hard to tell if anything is goin' to sell,
Troll hard, IP barred, get back, post Braille
Chroot-jailed, jump bail, postin' pics captioned "FAIL".
Look out kid, you're gonna get hit
By losers, cheaters, six-digit users hangin' around the theaters,
GLaDOS's chortle, make another Portal,
Don't follow leaders, watch the karma meters.
Youtubes, pwn n00bs, post b00bs, series of tubes,
Ain't fair, thow chairs, Al Gore's pig and man and bear,
Copy files, not abuse, fair use, don't steal, don't lift
Ten years of workin' and I'm postin' from my day shift
Look out kid, at -1 it's all hid,
Better jump down a manhole, Super Mario's Candle,
Don't wear sandals, post funny 'bout the scandals,
Gum's chewin' bums, in Soviet Union,
And the server's down 'cause it's outa file handles.
...without Marlon Brando's eyes. (- the rantings of a homeless person)
Pretty much the only time you have to deal with customer service is to complain. There are people who love nothing but because it gives them something to do...simply.
A friend of mine called Nynex (remember them?) so much to complain (and for no reason) that they ended up sending him a $500 check and two six-foot boxes of phone books covering every state.
~ Ron Fitzgerald
Perhaps he actually bothers to read what's written and makes an effort to answer the question which was asked. That would take much more time than your typical corporate first-line support approach, which is to answer some irrelevant question you never asked and to which you already know the answer.
Chernobyl 'not a wildlife haven' - BBC News
You are using English. Please learn the difference between loose and lose; they're, there, and their; your and you're.
Thank you for posting this. Made midterm week a hell of a lot better, but really, I should be studying my vb.net... ^^' Yay for distractions! ^^ Oh, and if I fail... expect a really nice email from me. ;) I'm going to be a crazy!
Tech support/CS emails are always the best. I have a friend who used to have control over the mit.edu homepage, and was on the webmaster email list - now THOSE are some fun emails.
Warning: Apple/Nintendo fangirl. Likes her electronics cute & cuddly. May be rabid.
Wow. Just wow.
I realize that all of us have some difficulties putting thoughts to e-paper. We miss spell words and screw up usages. Sometimes we even leave a fragment in the post during writing, and forget to re-read the post before hitting "Submit."
Those emails are - without question - worse than what we see in the posts here on slashdot, and far worse than what I get in my inbox. I never realized how lucky I was not to have your job.
Is it just my observation, or are there way too many stupid people in the world?
he's just a bit angry
please don't rate this +5 Insightful
They remind me of kerneltrap. You really have to see some of those windows forum threads for yourself, I can't even begin to describe them in words.
If this one had a few references to Jesus, I'd believe that it was from Jack Thompson...
Wed, 03 Mar 2004 15:39:17 "What is your problem? I'm doing the best I fucking can. My whole existence is to do the right thing and make people happy. You are doing it too alright. I realize the whole world is focused on me right now, get over it. I appreciate many things in life as we all do. Just do the right thing, every single time."
And, ummm, me.
Best Slashdot Co
How self-absorbed and totally irrelevant. Who, besides Slashdot's founders, employees, fanboys, and wannabes give a rat's ass what it's like to do technical support for Slashdot. It's just a Web site, for cryin' out loud!
Thanks for the article. Nice to know that PEBKAC is a factor for y'all too.
-- "Never underestimate the power of human stupidity." - R.A.H.
you puke!
I think the "crazy" part is the fact that Slashdot doesn't care. If he sent in an email (not a post) that 2+2=4, he would still be crazy. It is correct, but it is also a complete non-sequitur.
he just needs the slashstaff to wear those new tactile feedback gaming jackets and install his chair hurling software trojan
This one is my favourite:
I hope you all die and go to hell where you can make stupid rebuttals to Satan's posts and mod his comments "flamebait."
God awful :-D
This post is displayed with recycled electrons
The line that starts: Sat, 9 Apr 2005 22:11:16 (PDT) "please take ******* off mailing list
looks like some sort of weird automatic-spam generator...
Sender believes Slashdot has editorial bias toward the achedemic left, so he mailed a Slashdot employee instead of posting a comment that he logically expected would get modded into oblivion.
One may agree or disagree with his opinion but his actions don't seem crazy to me.
Submitter is crazy in his complacency when he dismisses someone who believes Slashdot might not be unbiassed as a nutball. There's a difference between a business model that involves marketing to a defined demographic and a subculture that belives it includes every sane person on the planet.
I wonder which one Slashdot is?
Its as if these people learned to write email based on spam they've received.
You sir, are my new hero.
"I'm not Will Robinson! Can't you fuckers even keep track of users?"
I nearly died laughing when I read that.
Hey! Look a Distraction!
So glad we're getting these articles these days. I find myself begging for interesting humorous articles. Helps keep the tunnel vision away.
WHOOSH over AC's head!
It's manbearpig, not some pig man bear, I'm serial! It's Half man, half bear and half pig, I'm super serial!
I'm not Will Robinson! Can't you fuckers even keep track of users?
Hey wait a minute! My name is Bill Robinson... are you giving my info to someone else? I just may have to come down there and put a foot in someone's ass or a chip in their brain!
---- "Think of how stupid the average person is, then realize that half the people out there are stupider than that!" -George Carlin
+1 Bob Dylan filk.
One of my faves, too.
You didn't post an attribution. How am I supposed to know if i can
sing this version at the next con?
Support FSF: Stop thinking with your wallet, and think with your imagination. (cc/non-commercial)
I guess folks who hate Slashdot must have had their navigation bar disappear from their browser.
I scream. You scream. I assume that means we're both acquainted with the problem. We proceed.
There's a mail button? Why didn't someone tell me sooner? You've been hiding it from me. I mean after the agents attacked me and inplanted that meme that made me think I was Mr. Anderson and the whole green tinted world dropped I realize that slashdot was green tinted and that if I was to have any peace or solace in this pseudo world of virtual reality that I would have to attack any green website with abandon. Then my therapist explained that I had a very old monitor that only showed things in green. She called it a CRT, but when I looked closer at it I could see my own reflection and instead of being where I was I ended up in the reflection. This happened over and over again and I think if there was a wall of these monitors I might have had different reactions each time I fell into one, but I only had on monitor because Slashdot wont give me another one. That's when things kinda got strange. I mean do people really think there's some hot chick wearing skin tight clothing waiting for you at a goth club if you follow some girl who has the slashdot logo tattooed to her shoulder blade? I mean how far down the rabbit's hole are you guy. Get your heads out of the sand and look around at what Micro$oft has done. You don't think they own Slashdot? Slashdot is a freaking ANAGRAM for Microsoft (if you ignore the m,i,l,a,h,c,f... which just happen to spell 'milf chaf'... explain that.) But what I really want to know is why everytime I click on my name it tells me how good my KARMA is? What kind of state religion of china are you guys trying to pull? Christians don't believe in china! You can't force us to just bow (Kow Tow, sorry) to your idiosyncratical system of self reflective accrued luck. Mod me down as a troll. I dare you. This stupid Karma thing is reversible. You call me a troll and you go down too. Sure, Overate me. I'll tell you who's overrated. Cowboy Nell. I mean now that he's all powerful and got super cool free stuff from anyone who wants a good review of their crappy products. I think he drives a Korean car. Aren't the Korean's on the Axis of Evil list? And for god sakes don't reply to this or I'll be forced to find you and reply to you in person. Just let it go, man. I wasn't in Nam, but my dad was. I didn't grow up with him, but dude, I swear I learned things from him telepathically that would allow me to say without fear of contradiction "I learned that in the Nam". But don't take my word for it. Try it. Open the hole and see just how far down goatse goes.
If you must put so many naughty words into a story, kindly warn people. Some (most?) of us read /. at work, and some of us have an over-sensitive naughty-word filter that throws up a very obviously naughty-word-filter-generated page for all to see. So, yeah, thanks for that.
Had to wait till I was home just to post this.
I've got no problem with swearing, but use your brain!
I did tech support at the university I went to, and users had the option of emailing, calling, or stopping at a walk up help desk. A lot of the emails were something like "How do I do some function in Word / PowerPoint / IE / etc", or "How do I set up my Wifi". We had most of those procedures written up already, so we'd just copy/paste and modify as necessary. Instead of sitting on the phone for 15 to 30 minutes walking the person through it, we spent 2 minutes on the email, another minute on the ticket, and it was done. A lot of times we could answer emails while we were on the phone waiting for the users computer to reboot, so it was even more of a time saver.
Emails that we received where we couldn't help the person without seeing their computer had the problem written up into a ticket which the person referenced when they did call/stop up. The help desk person knew what the problem was, and whoever wrote the ticket up could add in their opinion for what probably needed to be done.
I can't imagine not having an email option for tech support. For many things it's just so much easier.
I'm surprised that the first e-mail you posted under the mildly disturbing category was a guy stating simply that he'll argue his point, you argue your point, if either of you agree to the other's argument both are benefited. It doesn't make sense to that e-mailer that a person would rather kill their opponent if they continue to disagree. That's just the basis of argumentation (disagreement, without intention of killing the opponent.)
Anyway, I do agree that this was a strange e-mail for the slashdot team to receive. It seems more appropriate in one of the political threads... or more appropriate on Fark where there is no karma.
sig response:
Seven years of G.W. Bush and you're finally observing that, then you're still asking. The answer should've been apparent by now.
Great stuff m8. Keep up the good work, even it theres a whole lot of us that probably never will mail you(not necessarily a bad ting :P). Anyway i know the hassle of some costumers, they're everywhere and they get notoriously worse online.
Sometimes i wish that we (at work) had something to counter sending wine to costumers that had a bad experience... Something like a jack-in-the-box except with a boxing glove and a small greeting card... just to make the workers happy :p
cheers and keep up the good spirits :)
When in doubt, filk's public domain. The more people who use it, the more likely someone'll come up with even funnier lyrics. Ifn's y'all got an audience willin' t'put up with y'all fer 18 minutes, you can even do his Arlo Guthrie filk on monitor recyclin' :)
Which one of those (or how many, as the case may be) are from Jeff Merkey?
Heres some friendly advice on how to deal with these kinds of situations in the future. http://members.iinet.net.au/~bofh/ Next weeks headlines: Meta: Slashdot Emails Tangled up in Blue. Posted by samzenpus on Monday October 29, @12:00PM from the so-you-want-to-mess-with-slashdot dept.
OK I see, but how did mail for the helpdesk get delivered then? I assume you didn't send emails using your personal mail address john@uni.edu otherwise when you had a holiday or called in sick, you'd get unanswered problems stackin up, right?
8 of 13 people found this answer helpful. Did you?
Not bad.
But I thought my new sig shows the nicest turn of phrase and (unintentional?) use of punning of all the above emails
my password really is 'stinkypants'
I'm guessing they used the magic of "Reply-to:", along with a centralized mailbox (IMAP) to draw issues from.
=w=
nameofthehelpdesk@universitydomain.edu. Everyone at the help desk had access to it. When you pulled up a specific email to answer, you'd flag it so others knew you were answering it. The only times emails went unanswered was when we were closed (midnight to 7:30am).
Keep in mind this was level 1 tech support. Customers rarely emailed specific help desk employees for help. Any major issues that required the server admin, network admin, building tech, etc were usually called in and assigned a ticket. If they were out sick this was posted, and immediate issues were forwarded to the secondary contact for that group.
"I'm used to the swearing and the threats but doctoring mail and trying to get me fired was a new one."
Play around with Python's email library, and you'll quickly find out how easy it is to send an email from ANY address you want. (It's a terrible system, designed long before security was given any thought!) Anyone with the right knowledge could send a flaming email to your boss (or wife!) that is from your email address. Sure, you could try to argue that the email didn't come from you based on the IP addresses in the "Received:" headers in the message source, but the damage is done as soon as the recipient reads it. You've been framed!
Do what I do, and get a free security certificate from Thawte or some other company (or use PGP) and digitally sign all your emails to important correspondents. That way, your recipients know right away whether a given email can be trusted as coming from you.
You don't need mod points to know which way the wind blows. I'm surprised it didn't come out:
You don't need mod points to denigrate Windows(TM).
Brendan "Beej" Dery "Only in Canada, eh?"
RE: "I can't imagine _any_ tech support job going through e-mail, that would me completely unmanageable ...I'm a software developer and on average I get maybe 2 e-mails per day. Who the fuck needs to mail me?"
Let me guess. Microsoft Outlook Express?
Game: Player 'Donald J Trump' now has AI skill level 'experimental'.
Well done! Who are you?
Wasn't there a class action filed against them for signing people up for that? Or am I thinking of a different class action lawsuit?
I really don't envy you for working with them.
It's like we woke the Great Sleeping Beast of No-sense-of-humor.
The last few days I've been seeing a TON of jokes modded as troll. Most of them were even fairly good. In the end, re-modding and meta-mod will balance it all out, but I think a bunch of Grinches and Grumpys got mod points all at the same time. Or October is an angry month. Who knows?
Posting AC, cause I'd probably get modded Troll for even replying.
that's because you're a fucking gimp. why don't you just go and post on digg. they like dipshits like you.
... was obviously from Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator
"Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Explosives" should be a convenience store, not a government agency.
I like! Gonna keep the ending with "weatherman" reference. How 'bout this instead?
You must be new, kid, don't matter what you did,
Denigratin' Windows, eatin' lotsa No-Doz,
Better stay away from those that decrypt with a rubberhose,
Use the Firehose, watch the plainclothes,
You don't need to metamod to know which way the wind blows.
(This is a bitch to filk, Dylan had so many rhymes wedged into the middle of the verses, and most Slashdot memes don't rhyme.)
Mouse click, hash-bang /bin/shell, code in BASIC, GOTO HELL,
Hard to tell if Control-G'll ring the BEL,
Troll hard, IP barred, get back, post Braille,
Chroot-jailed, read mail, post a pic that's captioned "FAIL".
"minimum-wage, still-living-in-the-parents-basement, criticizing-the-industry-you-cant-make-a-living-in, whiny-assed geeks"
Score: +5, Insightful.
..he gets more than 100 emails today!
That.... My good man, was freakin' sweeeet!
~Liberalism Is A Mental Disorder~
8 of 13 people found this answer helpful. Did you?
+1,000,000 Tackhead. You even got the scansion right on some of those lines. Bravo.
You might want to save the clinically paranoid schizophrenic.
The equivalent received by the Playboy Forum in the later 60s was the origin of Shea & Wilcon's Illuminatus! . . .
Anecdotally, hours spent watching television to ability to reason is a ratio of inverse proportion
Interested in a Flash-based MAME front end? Visit mame.danzbb.com