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Wired's 2007 Vaporware Awards
Braedley sends word that Wired's annual vaporware list is up, and a number of products this community has discussed made the cut. The top spot, the position of most dishonor, was almost a foregone conclusion. "Another December, another list, another crowning achievement by the Emperor of the Ethereal, the Head Honcho of Hype, Duke Nukem Forever. We were going to disqualify him out of pity, but Sir Duke is back for 2007 thanks to a few leaked screenshots and an overwhelming number of votes. DNF creators 3D Realms even chose this week to debut a well-publicized video trailer for Duke's long-awaited return. Alas, a trailer is not a game, so — long live the king!"
I've been playing a beta of DNF for a few weeks now I got from an insider and it is fucking awesome. According to my sources, it will be ready to ship to stores in mid-February. Hail to the king baby!
Actually, 2007 saw a bunch of high-profile projects climb from "vaporware" to "disappointment": Vista was released widely, OLPC produced a couple of semi-solid deals out of their usual fog of hype, even that Chandler email/PIM thingy managed some sort of alpha release.
Steal you mean!
Maybe they keep releasing Duke Nukem screenshots on occasion as some kind of a running gag? I guess the real joke's on Duke Nukem fans in that case. =)
-Vendal Thornheart
I don't see how this is so much 'vaporware' as 'what people would really like'. Blizzard hasn't made an announcement or even a hint that they're making it, after all. And boy, do I hate seeing the list one item at a time.
How can an unannounced product be vaporware?
Chinese Democracy has been vaporware for what, eight years now? And is anyone really looking forward to it anyway?
-Matthew Riley "TofuMatt" MacPherson
I have a website
Why don't they just give the Duke the Vaporware Lifetime Achievement Award so we can carry on with our lives...
Where's Valdi?
The last line in the summary should be "Hail to the King baby!"
C'mon! How could they do a homage and NOT have that line?
Just because they shipped it, doesn't mean it is still not vapor. Microsoft has been proving this for years.
I was unaware of the voting process until after the list came out, but considering the list is comprised of devices that manufacturers and developers say will be coming out EVENTUALLY, what of the end-user version of the Neo1973? First promised in July, then October, then LATE December...and is anyone counting on it coming out late this month? I didn't think so. I wish I could've contributed my vote to the list when I had the chance...not that it may have made a difference.
When I saw DNF in your post and in a glance-through of the article, I thought you/they were using DNF to denote vaporware status to one of the products until I realized that you (and probably they) were specifically referring to Duke.
This makes me think that they never planned to finish DNF; this is all just a big joke, right from day one.
The CB App. What's your 20?
Have the criteria for vaporware sunken so low as to have to include quack technology? People have been hailing perpetual motion machines for centuries. Sure something of more substance could have been #10.
Bearded Dragon
I nominate slashdot's new discussion system.
At the bottom of the
Why you dissing Wired??
Why, just the other day, they had a funny and well-written piece on alternative santas: http://www.wired.com/culture/lifestyle/commentary/alttext/2007/12/alttext_1219
Duke Nukem For Never?
If you post it, they will read.
I was wondering that too just a few days ago.. :( bastards
which is totally what she said
Anytime someone is out going on about something that is not working through distribution channels already, it is almost certainly effectively vapor. The more vigorous their demonstration, the more probable the vapor.
It would be helpful if everyone operated under the rule of do not even tell me about it unless I can have it drop shipped today. Take away their audience, and these charlatans would go away quickly.
I said a long time ago that the guy making spore should work on his game instead of attending conferences. Guess he should read Slashdot more... oh wait.
I could understand your complaint if this list were a headliner in Time, but this is Wired we're talking about here. That's like expecting Comedy Central to carry political news shows... oh wait. Nevermind.
I guess I must have missed it when Wired turned into a political blog rather than a technology news website.
I am Jack's complete lack of surprise.
Good News: Duke Nukem Forever is finally released and, surprisingly, to overwhelming critical acclaim for innovative game design.
Bad News: It subsequently gets an "Adults Only" rating and is immediately pulled from the shelves until it can be re-worked into a "Mature" rating.
Seriously, I think 3D Realms should just admit defeat.....but I'm still holding out for "Redneck Rampage" forever.
A goal is a dream with a deadline
I think what they *meant* to say was "Hail to the king, baby!"
"No problem. I have the capacity to do infinite work so long as you don't mind that my quality approaches zero."-Dilbert
If you want politics
...
/rant
Step 1) www.digg.com
Step 2) vote on Ron Paul
Step 3) Blame everything on Bush/Cheney and scream for impeachment
Step 4)
Step 5) Profit
This is a TECH site. NOT politics. There are plenty of places to bitch about the slime bag snakes that slither their way to the top. After politics, why not introduce a lolcats section, a sports section, etc. There are places elsewhere for that. I for one welcome one of the few communities that has stayed true to its roots and not caved in to crap like politics (Stories about how politics affects tech is a different subject than OMG THEY STOLE THE 2004 ELECTION!!! or Blood for oil bullshit)
Just as a summary: Fuck politics. Keep that shit outta my nerd paradise.
You know it's a bad omen when the initials for your game "DNF" is construed as "Did Not Finish" in the racing world. Maybe it really should be DNS (duke nukem someday).
"Action without philosophy is a lethal weapon; philosophy without action is worthless."
I didn't know vaporware meant "software/hardware that has a delayed release date" or "software that will probably be made but hasn't been announced yet." I don't understand how you can mention Diablo III in a vaporware list and not mention Starcraft: Ghost.
The article was also way off on how the Spore multiplayer will supposedly work. You're not going to be able to directly compete with other people's races. The computer-controlled races will be based off a global database of races that other players upload their race information to. This is barely more "multiplayer" then a global high score list.
Abaddon: An Xbox 360 Indie game
That's odd... in Europe I installed the WM6 upgrade for the Blackjack (SGH-i600 in these parts) ages ago.
http://www.samsungmobile.com/promotion/i600/index.jsp
DNS already stands for something. It's to do with warehousing facilities for deceased persons of African origin, I think.
Confucius say, "Find worm in apple - bad. Find half a worm - worse."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jon_St._John
just sayin' is all
Chinese Democracy has been vaporware for 96 years and counting. The first beta was delivered in 1911, but numerous bugs caused it to eventually crash. Then they shipped another version for a completely different platform in 1949, but critics complain that it doesn't really deliver what was promised, and thus is vaporware. They tried to apply a major service pack in 1989, but it failed due to Insufficient Privileges error. Will the real version ever ship? Maybe, but I'm keeping my money on Duke.
Sssssshhhhhhhhh, they might hear you.
I voted at Wired for Slingcatcher, but I guess I'm the only one.
http://us.slingmedia.com/object/io_1168286861787.html -- the original press release is still online.
You can't be ahead of the curve, if you're stuck in a loop.
2)Make big fuss over sequal
3)Don't deliver, but make big deal for next decade
4)Once DNF is a household name, deliver
5)Profit!!
Seriously though, 3D Realms has found a good formula to get its namebrand out. I mean, what gamer hasn't heard of Duke Nukem Forever? It's the most famous non-game in gaming history. Weight for weight, DNF has more name recognition than even probably Halo. It almost behooves them to release it. It will turn every gamer's head 180 with "WTF?! DNF is finally been released!". Even if the game is say 7/10, you can guerentee a lot of copies would be sold just out of name recognition alone.
you mean Jon St. John.
Kidding aside, everything from that trailer is using the in-game engine. Everything. zero CGI. I don't think people realize this.
You new fruity console lovers can keep your Master Chef and his queer-eye costume. His food sucks and the only thing he has is a decent story-line. I'll take Duke, a shotgun, pipe bombs and strippers any day of the week.
Jetpack with pipebombs - the absolute best way to make your opponents squeal like babies.
Run child, run for your life.....
He's coming in '08 to kick some ass and chew some bubblegum, and I took his last piece of gum.
Regards,
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In the racing world, DNS means "Did not start". The plot thickens ;-)
Why was a concept car even in consideration for the list (referenced in the Tesla section.) GM says 2010 for production, there's a working prototype, what makes it vapor?
My Other Computer Is A Data General Nova III.
Emperor of the Ethereal
Somehow (I only caught the last half, and am in the middle of a minor Civ4 obsession) I read that as Ethelred the Unready. Appropriate enough, though.
Anybody notice the amount of weight on the bench behind Duke? I think Duke and Barry Bonds hang out. Obviously Duke slaps Barry around for fun, calling him 'Fairy Bonds'.
picture here
Maybe if we all got together and BELIEVED hard enough, DNF would appear and we could play it. It exists, we just don't believe in it.
Then there is that idiotic Your Opinion Matters popup that keeps coming up. I'm not sure they want to know what I think!
...laura
I would like to ask that someone add The Matrix Real World mod for Max Payne. These guy's have to be in competition with Duke Nuke. The saving grace is that they don't get paid to do their work so they have an excuse. Still by the time it's released Max Payne engine will be so obsolete that operating systems of the future won't even run the game. Alas.
http://maxpayne.levels4you.com/forum.l4y?do=view&t=114649
Cheers!
endxv
All glory to the Hypnotoad!
I'm still waiting for Strike Commander from Origin. ...Wait, what? It was released? Damn, I'm getting too old for this kindof lifestyle. /sometimes I feel like Jack T Colton from Romancing the Stone. //"Dammit man, the Doobie Brothers broke up? When did that happen? Shit."
You new fruity console lovers can keep your Master Chef and his queer-eye costume. His food sucks and the only thing he has is a decent story-line. I'll take Duke, a shotgun, pipe bombs and strippers any day of the week
...forgetting that Duke Nukem 3D was ported the the Playstation, N64, and Saturn. (Not to mention the Gameboy Advance.)
"Our opponent is an alien starship packed with atomic bombs. We have a protractor."
Jon St. John is the voice of Duke Nukem.
Circumcision is child abuse.
Teh Bubble will resolve itself with a recession. Seeing as how a politician (Bill Clinton) sent much of our technology manufacturing capability to China, I wonder what the technology-obsessed will do when they can't afford to buy their silicon gadgets anymore. Hope you know how to solder...
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
www.teslabox.com
every one of those ports is looked down upon.
Website Hosting
That's a little harsh. Even though they still call GMail beta, they recently added IMAP. That's a pretty big feature enhancement for a web-based mail service. I don't care if they continue to call it beta or not as long as they keep adding useful features.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
My blog. Good stuff (when I remember to update it). Read it.
There seems to be much misinformation here about Duke Nukem Forever.
...well... forever or they will die.
Allow me to set the record straight.
3D Realms is haunted by the ghosts of gamers who died of outrage when they found that Duke Nukem 3-D choked with more than 5 players in multi-player mode and, to appease the spirits, the workers at 3D Realms must continually build Duke Nukem Forever 24 hours a day, 7 days a week,
So far they have kept the spirits at bay.
Availablity seems to be the only key factor determining the entry of a product onto the list.
For the same reason that Vista weren't mentioned in last year's list (even if it wasn't still sold before 2008, it was made available to some partners in the last days of 2007), Neo1973 can't qualify for the list simply because there are already some older version available for buying, as are some early version of linux system to run on it (although OpenMoko's phone functions aren't stable, and Qtopia is having a couple of problems with power sving). Even the version 2 of the hardware is available to small number of developers (although some minor bugs cause making new revision instead of starting production of higher volumes).
Otherwise they'll have to accept Vista on current year's list too : the crap Microsoft's selling doesn't correspond to what they promised and near nobody is running it outside some specific communities.
"Sufficiently advanced satire is indistinguishable from reality." - [Tips: 1DrYakQDKCQ6y52z6QbnkxHXAocMZJE61o ]
You forgot one thing, did you mean 2008 or 2108? When discussing Duke Nuke em Forever one must be specific.
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That should be #1 bit of Vaporware. Something promised for years but has yet to be delivered.
I mean, c'mon. How can something that's never been announced be considered vaporware? There is no promise of Diablo III; however there was promises of Starcraft:Ghost and Dungeon Keeper III.
And because Samsung won't update their phone it's vaporware? Why not say that Windows 98 is vaporware because Microsoft refuses to upgrade it to use IE7? Reason to be upset, sure. Vaporware, no.
And a perpetual motion machine, isn't vaporware. It's just crackpot.
I wonder how Fallout 3 didn't make the list. That beast has been in limbo for an eternity, only something like two years shy of Duke Nukem Forever. Now it's supposed to come out in late 2008. We'll see... Maybe Axl Rose manages to bring democracy to China before that.
I don't know about you, but my squirrelmail install has had IMAP account support for about a decade now...
Website Hosting
Hmmm..."CGI". That word does not mean what you think it means.
Sig removed because it was obnoxious
SM is an IMAP web front-end, but it provides no IMAP services in and of itself.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
I'm pretty sure it does, but thanks. :)
Website Hosting
Clicking "Next, Next, Next" and waiting for reload each time is annoying. Much more efficient to put all the 'pages' on one page, so all the pictures and text can load while you are reading the first part, and then merely scroll to read the next. And sure, you can still put ad banners by each section of the story.
...why not introduce a lolcats section.. Kthxbye!Barbara Felden claims prior art on the flip phone, sues Motorola, Nokia.
Glad you've clicked. Sooner or later people are going to realize what the "forever" in the title actually refers to.
why are people so harsh with dnf? I say it isn't vaporware, because it's not like 3d realms made a lot of noise about it... they develp it. they admit it's a long time. they admit they made mistakes that set them back years. they say they don't know when they're finished...
It's not like they said "soon" or "next year" years ago or something.
I think something is vaporware, when the developer promises a releasedate and can't keep it... which 3d realms doesn't... yes, they take their time - which is their good right... they want it to be perfect when they release it... they don't show much of the progress, which is their good right either... they don't want to spoil your experience... why is this such a big problem for everyone?
Why do they have to call it "the Emperor of the Ethereal, the Head Honcho of Hype"? WHICH HYPE DAMNIT? It seriously sounds like they HATE 3DR and want them to die a horrible death, just because they didn't release the game at a time that suited the authors! If this is your biggest problem, the GET A FSCKING LIFE!
I'm waiting patiently for DNF, because I'm sure 3DR does a good job behind their closed doors - some day DNF will be released and it will be awesome - maybe not the graphics, but defenitely the gameplay... and I'm sure of this, because they are the creators of Duke3D, one of the imo greatest and most fun games EVER (I played it for YEARS and I'm still playing it every once in a while - with eDuke32 and the high resolution pack...)
and now mod me down for I beleive that DNF will come some day and it won't be a miserable failiure
I must be a stupid moron, who has no clue what he's talking about! you know so much better how DNFs quality will be, right? you even KNOW that DNF will never come, right? And therefore my posting is nonsense and must be modded down!
I even said "Jehovah" once...
The MAFIAA is a bunch of mindless jerks who will be the first up against the wall when the revolution comes
The Tesla is not vapor. I've sat in one of them! A couple of months ago, a friend of mine invited me to tour his RF emmissions testing facility, where he pointed out a room used for testing cars.
The conversation went like this:
ME: Cars really need to have EMF tested?
HIM: Well, apparently with all the new electronics in SUVs manufacturers are worried about interference.
ME: What kind of SUV will fit under that antenna? My hybrid won't even fit under that thing!
HIM: A really small one...?
ME: Are you testing the Tesla?
HIM: We do not talk about our clients.
At that point, I learned that my friend has a very bad poker face.
No, I will not work for your startup
You chose one computer to use for playing games, and other people chose a different computer to play games. Somehow this has something to do with their sexual preferences and masculinity...?
Are you sure you don't own a PS3?