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Worth remembering this oldie but goldie. http://www.ahajokes.com/com065...

MS is poised to once again make a Moderately funny joke into reality.

I believe that Alice's smart, but in this case she's not.
Like everyone to be fool enough to click on "Install me" ads randomly on Internet without knowing what ever it does with their systems.

Surely, it's from Microsoft, people tend to trust them as they are using their products, you can't get virus from Microsoft. But install new OS without doing some research, by clicking "Install me" is likely eat everything branded "Eat me" without reading its ingredient.

PS: I like the comparison "Install me" of OP.

This reminds of the old Real Programmers, Real Software Engineers, and Real Computer Scientists.

Never mind that recent results from science might be the moral equivalent of three boats and a helicopter; who's to say the scientists aren't doing God's work in figuring out how to not shit our own nest?

If you are a political activist in any country (not just China), don't post things publicly that are unrelated to your cause. Don't post things electronically that are or could be considered illegal, or be used as blackmail material. Remember that you are not representing yourself anymore, you are representing your cause. Everything you say and do will be put under a microscope, and the internet never forgets and never forgives mistakes.

All good advice, no doubt.

China, you suck.

Possibly; but they don't swallow.

Honestly, if you live in a country, it is common sense to know at least the basics of the legislation; and in China it seems to be considered a crime to criticise the government. And if you knowingly commit that crime, whose fault is that actually?

Before you start the usual shouting match against China, take a moment to consider the sometimes bizarre "crimes" in other countries: in Singapore you can arrested for spitting in public; and to quote http://www.ahajokes.com/strlaw.html: "In Carrizozo, N.M., it's forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public". One may not always appreciate the value and significance of laws in other countries, but perhaps we just don't understand the background?

The rovers already did! And you ain't gonna like it.

Stealth Fighter

Glad to help. I wish I could be even clearer, but then, nobody really understands what the implications of all this are. The physicists are forced to say, "The numbers are what they are, and if they don't match your intuition, tough." Which is true and unhelpful, in the sense of jokes like this one:

http://www.ahajokes.com/bus161.html

So we end up with the Copenhagen Interpretation and the Many-Worlds Interpretation and the Consistent Histories Interpretation (my favorite), which end up all being exactly equivalent but people argue passionately about them because none of them actually make sense in the way you'd want them to.

I favor Consistent Histories precisely because it makes the least sense, and therefore forces you to give up your preconceptions if you're even going to hope to apply it, but all of these interpretations mean the same thing mathematically. And the math is an enormous amount of effort to apply to something you never actually see.

With the recent problems being encountered by Windows users all across the country, people are begin to ask themselves if windows is a virus. In response to the high demand for an answer to that question a study was done and concluded the following.

1. Viruses replicate quickly.
Windows does this.

2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so.
Windows does this.

3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk.
Windows does this.

4. Viruses are usually carried, unkown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems.
Windows does that too.

5. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware.
Same with Windows, yet again.

Maybe Windows really is a virus.

Nope! There is a difference!

Viruses are well supported by their authors, are frequently updated, and tend to become more sophisticated as they mature. So there! Windows is not a virus.

-- Stolen from Aha! Jokes

With the recent problems being encountered by Windows users all across the country, people are begin to ask themselves if windows is a virus. In response to the high demand for an answer to that question a study was done and concluded the following.

1. Viruses replicate quickly.
Windows does this.

2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so.
Windows does this.

3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk.
Windows does this.

4. Viruses are usually carried, unkown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems.
Windows does that too.

5. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware.
Same with Windows, yet again.

Maybe Windows really is a virus.

Nope! There is a difference!

Viruses are well supported by their authors, are frequently updated, and tend to become more sophisticated as they mature. So there! Windows is not a virus.

-- Stolen from Aha! Jokes

everything even remotely affiliated with eNom? That might mean we shouldn't buy anything at all. For sure their portfolio extends pretty wide, well beyond all things internet. Could leave us with this. Which may be a good thing.

Or you could drag it out as long as possible... http://www.ahajokes.com/off06.html

There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow.
He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference. After shopping around a while, he decided that the Datson 240-Z was the car to get. So the snail goes to the nearest Datsun dealer and says he wants to buy the 240-Z, but he wants it repainted "240-S".

The dealer asks, "Why 'S'?"

The snail replies, "'S' stands for snail. I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know who's driving."

Well, the dealer doesn't want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail, so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee.

The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed. And whenever anyone would see him zooming by, they'd say "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"

PS - don't blame me, it was these guys: http://www.ahajokes.com/sample.html.

Windows is a virus, but the proper name would not be Backdoor.Haxdoor... the files should have been detected as W32.Backdoor.MSoft.Windows, but it shouldn't have detected just two DLLs, the whole OS, the whole C:\WINNT and C:\WINDOWS directories. And the proper fix isn't to merely delete the files, the AV software needs to either patch the machine to turn it into a Mac and install OS X... or put Linux/any real OS on it.

I'm sure that it's a reference to the Billgatus of Borg or maybe the old joke

Speaking of shaving pussy...

I Said I Wanted a LINE Cut!

The Poster must be a pirate.

Personally I'd go for six.

Shotgun Solution

Yeah, and 'Emacs Makes A Computer Slow' and 'Eventually Munches All Computer Storage' aren't what they used to be either.

But see http://www.ahajokes.com/com027.html for more emacs jokes.

As many light bulb jokes as your heart desire: http://www.ahajokes.com/light_bulb_jokes.html

The Borg are a race of cyborgs in the Star Trek fictional universe. Some say the name 'Borg' is simply short for cyborg.

Borg are humanoids of different races that are enhanced with cybernetic implants, giving them improved mental and physical abilities. Although the cyborg concept has long existed in science-fiction literature, it is probable that the general concept of the Borg - a ruthless, aggressive race of bio-mechanical beings bent on galactic conquest - was influenced to some degree by the Cybermen, which featured in the popular British television series Doctor Who and who displayed similar rationales and methods as the Borg, including wanting to assimilate individuals to augment their race. They also bear significant resemblences to Fred Saberhagen's Berserker series.

The minds of all Borg are connected via implants to a hive, a collective mind, orchestrated by the Borg Queen and controlled from a central hub, the Unicomplex. According to themselves, the Borg only seek to "improve the quality of life in the universe" and add to their own perfection. To this end, they travel the galaxy, improving their numbers and advancing by "assimilating" other species and technologies, and forcing captured individuals under the control of the Hive mind by injecting them with nanoprobes. They harbor no ill will to anyone; they merely fulfil their biological or programmatic imperative to assimilate. As they say, "You will be assimilated - resistance is futile." They make good on that threat by their ability to quickly adapt to any attack to render it harmless. Thus, any successful defense depends on the ingenuity of the opponent to find a method to stop the Borg completely before they can neutralize it.

See also this cartoon.

It's painfully obvious that for any applications requiring real security, you just plain shouldn't use a PC.

Absolutely!

Well, yes and no..

They only own this software for a month or so. Probably the only changes are a code review using Microsofts internal tools, a check if no weirdness happens with currently supported Microsoft software, and of course a banner change ("Giant" -> "Microsoft").

And there's the case that even if Microsoft plugs *all* the holes in all their software, people will still be stupid. There will be who execute funny screensavers their friends send them, no matter what. There will still be adware and spyware bundled with widely used programs.

So taking this step is a good one. You can't reach total imunity, but you can try to hit the point where it's no longer profitable to go the nasty route of spyware because some big fat company will be breathing in your neck in no time.

btw, I'm not a Microsoft apologist. I'm posting this from Linux, and have been running that for some time already, thank you.

I know that this is not an authoratative source, and I would prefer to find a copy of the actual law for you, but until I do, here is a link:

http://www.ahajokes.com/laws036.html

If you check out most of the "Stupid Law" collections online, under Tulsa, Oklahoma, you will find this oddity.
The google search can be found here.
I will see if I can track down a copy of the actual law, though.

Oklahoma has many of these laws and do not prosecute. I don't know why they would prosecute a cybercrime division for confiscating child porn as long as it is done as done as a matter of law enforcement. However, a corporate entity might have more to worry about, although unlikely.

Of course, they have prosecuted people in the past for having a few child pornography images in a cache that was planting there unknowingly because of their visiting a joke site or something that uses those pay-per-popup advertising schemes. Generally these people are let off the hook because the evidence does not show intent, but it is technically still illegal to posess those images.

I think that these ineffective laws make a mockery of important laws and should be revised or removed from the books. (Revised referring to the child porn law, to allow law enforcement and forensic/corporate investigation, and removed referring to our funny yet ridiculous soda bottle law.)

Ok, a couple of more, from here.

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman each order a Guiness in a pub. Upon being served, each finds a fly in their beer. Repulsed, the Englishman sends his back. The Scotsman gently flicks the fly out of his mug and begins drinking. The Irishman, carefully lifts the fly up by its wings and screams, "Spit it out! Spit it out!"

An Irishman walks into a bar and orders three glasses of Guiness, drinking them one at a time. Noticing this odd ritual, the bartender explains that the beer goes flat when poured and informs the man his beer would be much fresher if he ordered one glass at a time.

The Irishman explains he began this custom with his two brothers, who have moved to America and Australia, respectively. This is their way of remembering all the time they spent drinking together.

The man becomes a regular at the pub, well-known for always ordering three beers at once. One day he walks in and orders only two beers. Assuming the worst, a hush falls among other patrons.

When the Irishman returns to the bar to order his second round, the bartender quietly offers his condolences. The man looks confused for a moment, and then explains, "No, everyone's fine. I gave up beer for lent."

ahajokes.com? I would hardly consider a joke site a credible source about the law :P

I did a quick search of Texas law and Austin city ordinances and didn't find any such prohibition.

how can they outlaw lockpicks? They're just tools

Lawmakers will happily outlaw owning certain tools if they feel it's in their interests to do so, and often groups will lobby them to make sure it's in their interests.

Hell, Stick it in South Carolina. Nobody will care, not with the Laws here.

I do wonder what would happen if I did the blind interesection rule...

My government officials are hell bent on making me a criminal then so be it.

Heh heh. I renounced living within the bounds of the law YEARS ago. How can a rational mind do otherwise? Consider:

In Oklahoma, it is illegal for a woman to style her own hair without being licensed by the state.

In Massachusetts it is illegal to go to bed without first having a full bath.

I was going to mention the sodomy laws (some of which I have broken), only to discover (just now) that they have (finally) been declared unconstitutional. Well, maybe common sense hasn't been completely abandoned after all. Nevertheless, for many a year, those worthless laws were undoubtedly broken by millions.

The point of my post is this: Ridiculous laws like these only serve to erode respect for the law in general. Once you break an unfair law and justify the act because of its unfairness, it is a little easier to break another, and another, and another.

My government officials are hell bent on making me a criminal then so be it.

Heh heh. I renounced living within the bounds of the law YEARS ago. How can a rational mind do otherwise? Consider:

In Oklahoma, it is illegal for a woman to style her own hair without being licensed by the state.

In Massachusetts it is illegal to go to bed without first having a full bath.

I was going to mention the sodomy laws (some of which I have broken), only to discover (just now) that they have (finally) been declared unconstitutional. Well, maybe common sense hasn't been completely abandoned after all. Nevertheless, for many a year, those worthless laws were undoubtedly broken by millions.

The point of my post is this: Ridiculous laws like these only serve to erode respect for the law in general. Once you break an unfair law and justify the act because of its unfairness, it is a little easier to break another, and another, and another.

When we got Ireland next door! (Go here if you don't get that.)

> I lost my copy of the green golf ball joke can anyone find it for me?

I felt like being a public servant and returning your joke to you :P (hey, you asked)


Here and Here are two for you!

Oh, Here's another one for you.

ObSimpsons

Or, you can just get a dialling wand...

How to piss off AT&T

A Nice List
Another Good List

50 Stupid things to Say

These bastards are a pet hate of mine. I've tried most of these at one stage or another. If you can keep from laughing, it's fun to string them along :-)

Microsoft Antitrust Trial Decision

More Stupid rules/laws can be found here.

The fact of the matter is that it's impossible to hold any but the largest of businesses to such a silly policy. If they really don't want people to link to their stuff, don't put it where the public can get to it.

It's that simple.

Madhya Pradesh in the background I see laughing?

Previous story was on the Search for Terrestrial Intelligence then we get the article on Bernie the spamming moron. These articles must be related.

You just can't make up stories like this -- you have to be a bonified idiot to come up with this stuff.

Does anybody have a truly good idiot stories site? One site that I've liked is here but I hope there is a really good one somewhere that needs to be slashdotted.